• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,281 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 207 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Trixie teaches.
Zecora has a plant.
And Anon doesn't like writing.

"Oooook then..." Twilight said, not understanding why Trixie was suddenly being so difficult. Was the cockatrice scare that bad? "Well, let me just get these notes in order annnnd.."

You look over to Trixie, she was already being disagreeable? How disagreeable was she being? you wonder. "Trixie, are you alright?"

"Hmm?" Trixie didn't seem to understand why you suddenly asked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean are you ok? That fake cockatrice scared the both of us. I was just worried if you hurt yourself"

"...You actually care?" Trixie was taken aback.

"Of course I do, friends care about each other..right?" Sappy yes, but it always seems to work. If there was any faking, you should be able to detect it...hopefully.

"...That's what I hear. And does the Princess also care about Trixie's health?" She looks towards Twilight, actually wondering what she thought.

"Well...yes actually. If you were hurt we'd have to end this early to get you to a hospital. But you seemed ok. Are you ok, really? You did act a little snappy when I asked you to join along." Twilight was wanting to do her best, she had an inkling herself something was amiss. But she was the Princess of Friendship. She had to give her one chance, the arguments made were too compelling not to. But the moment she fucked up too hard, that's it.

"......I'm alright. I suppose Trixie was a little frightened. But only because Anon yelled so loud" Trixie tried to not be too sappy, and attempted to reason away her fright.

"So, do you want to sit by me then? Who knows, you might learn something new from this" You offer

"....." Trixie looked unsure, then suddenly she threw up her head in defiance, while still giving in. "Fine, I shall listen to Twilight's lesson next to you. But only because you seem to want Trixie's close company." Trixie was clearly still upset that she got frightened over a fake cockatrice and was trying to act like her usual self again. Which was fine, because it was better that than her trying to get the horn.

She walked over to you, sat down, and looked over to Twilight with a frustrated glare. "I'm ready"

Twilight nodded and smiled, she was ready to go herself. "Alright then" She cleared her throat, and began the lesson. "While this chicken isn't an actual cockatrice. It does represent what one actually looks like. They typically look like they have a chicken head while also having a small dragon body. While records say they are territorial and vicious, it would appear from Fluttershy's notes.,given she has managed to face a cockatrice eye to eye and came back unscathed...." Twilight sighed as she stopped midsentence, she couldn't remember everything, but the feeling of turning to stone...it really was a scary thought. And for Fluttershy to save the day...she was so very glad for that. "It says that they are also of a bullying nature. They will attack anypony they think they can beat. But when faced with a superior foe..like for example" Twilight then giggled at the thought of Fluttershy overpowering the Cockatrice. "One who can stare them down. Not only will you avoid petrification, the Cockatrice will vacate its territory, and it will likely never return. But, as a precaution. Should you ever spot a cockatrice, never ever make eye contact. As that's how it turns others into stone. It is best just to avoid them and run away. Trust me, nopony will call you a coward for running. And...that's the lesson of the cockatrice. Any questions?"

You and Trixie just blinked.

"None at all?" Twilight seemed surprised

"...Well...no, that all seemed pretty cut and dry. Though I didn't know they were territorial. I just thought they just go where they like" Y'know, like every other animal. How odd.

"No, they are territorial. Sometimes they'll even petrify a threat to take over the area if they want it. They are dangerous creatures. But, there are ways to avoid petrification. We do have specialized glasses and gears for dealing with them if they ever become an actual nuisance. And Petrification is definitely curable. So if it does ever happen, we can bring you back."

Well, that was...a pretty good short lesson, you guessed anyway. Damn, you really should be more wowed. Any other shmuck would have been floored by this. But after dealing with Discord and Chrysalis, this actually seemed kind of ho hum. And it seemed Twilight could see it. "Well, I thought that may have made you wonder a little more about cockatrices. But...I guess you already knew some of this stuff already. Ummm, let's move on."

Poor Twilight, it seemed she was really trying to make this fun. Zecora, could also tell you weren't too excited. Damn, something about her...did she suspect something?

"Perhaps a lesson with something live is what we need, come now everypony, to see something I have grown from a small seed." Zecora beckoned the three of you to follow.

Trixie just looked at Zecora with caution. "...Should we actually follow? No more tricks...right?"

"You can trust Zecora, Trixie. Besides, it was both of us that came up with the cockatrice idea. We'll be continuing the lesson as normal. Zecora actually has an interesting and usually volatile "live specimen" she'd like to show us, then we can move on through the forest to meet with Fluttershy" Twilight said.

Live specimen? You three followed Zecora to around the back of the hut. "What kind of "Live Specimen?""

"Just wait and see Anon, I was even surprised by this one. This kind of thing is usually found much much deeper in the forest."

"Much deeper? Do you mean the forbidden areas of the forest when it becomes too dangerous for even a timberwolf to walk around in? There's no way she can have something like that." Trixie refused to believe it.

Twilight nodded. "That would be it. But that's the neat thing about Zecora, she's very in tune with the Everfree Forest. She understands the risks and dangers and has a few ways to greatly minimize the risks. Magic can't solve everything you know, that's why knowledge is needed."

Zecora nodded. "Very true Twilight. Knowledge is a power that must be obtained, Through hard work and study is the only way to keep it sustained"

Dem rhymes man...christ. You wondered if she could even make the word "orange" rhyme. Zecora stopped by a few trees behind her hut, and had you all stop as she stepped a few steps ahead and moves some leaves of a tree to reveal something. "And now you all will gaze upon this plant, behold all, this Pony Eating Flytrap!"

Pony....eating?! You gulp, the damn thing was moving, it was like a green flat faced piranha plant from super mario, and nearly just as big. And it was fucking moving around it's "Body" from where it was planted..and odder still...it nuzzling on Zecora… wut?

"P-pony eating?!" The hell?! she can't be serious!

"Are you insane?! Why would you grow that so close to your hut?!" Trixie was again taken aback. She didn't want to be anywhere near that thing. Unlike the cockatrice, that thing was real.

Zecora just smiled and gave the plant a pet before removing a small flask from her bag and feeding a green liquid to the plant. "Although this plant may be something to be feared, in its current state, it is actually quite the dear. These kinds of plants are dangerous as they will eat you whole, and will eat mostly anything, from ponies to even moles. But this plant here is actually quite nice, instead of pony, it prefers this green spice. I feed it once every day and night, and never a pony, as it now considers them to be a blight."

"....What?" Trixie was confused.

"What she means is she taught it to not eat ponies...see?" Twilight moved next to it, and it began to gently nuzzle on her. "It scared me too when I first saw it. But Zecora taught me a lesson once, sometimes things aren't always what they seem. Actually, these are probably one of the plants that ate those foalnappers...mnnn, I didn't realize they ran that deep into the forest." Twilight seemed to feel for them a little, despite them being criminals...or in actuality, just Discord. "But.. let's not think about that now. Any questions?"

Trixie raised her hoof. "Actually, Trixie has a question"

Twilight lit up, she was pretty happy to see Trixie genuinely curious. "Oh? What is it Trixie?"

"You say "Pony Eating", how exactly would it attract a pony to actually let itself be eaten?"

"That's a good question" Twilight nodded, and cleared her throat so she could give a lengthy explanation "These plants generally have a quick reflex to snatch any nearby creature and gobble them up for nourishment, but should it have a hard time doing so, they will emit a sweet smelling and quite intoxicating pheromone to attract it's meal towards it. This particular plant has been especially raised without the ability to do that, and grown slightly smaller so it could not actually swallow anypony." Or rather, any adult pony. Because that thing could definitely fit you in it's mouth.

"Huh...how did Zecora even get one of these things?" You ask.

"Oh, it was not easy to obtain, many of my usual brews I had to abstain. I had to use natural movements to trick and deceive, and in that way I managed to secure a seed. For you see most of what I have will hurt the plant, and so too will the seed, and I couldn't have that. But with this of which I have nurtured, I treat it well so it may catch nuisances and burglars." Zecora said...geez, how does she keep rhyming all the damn time?

Wait… "You mean...it eats burglars?"

Zecora shook her head. "Only catch and scare away, I do not wish anypony to be slain."

...Huh. Well, it should make for a good defense system then. And, it looked pretty smart for a plant, in fact.. "How smart is it?"

Zecora tittered, she liked the fact that you seemed so curious "It can greet and show affection, and sometimes sniff out and steal one's confection"

It can say hi? "What do you mean? So, if I say hi to it...it'll just say hi back?"

Zecora shook her head "It cannot talk or say a sound, so why don't you hold your hoof out? and greet him out loud"

....wut? What will that do? Is that how you greet it? "I-I dunno...that sounds like a weird way to greet a plant"

"Give it a try" Zecora says, urging you to step forward.

....egh, whatever, fine. You had an alicorn, a unicorn, and a mojo voodoo zebra to save you if that thing even tried to get a nibble. Oh god.....you hoped it wouldn't even get that far. "Erm..so uh...hi" You step up to the plant and hold your hoof out. "Howya doin?"

The plant eased itself forward and sniffed the frog of your hoof for a bit. You wince just a little "Uhhh...what's it do-oooohhhhhhhhh" Inbetween your question. The plant opens its mouth and starts nibbling at your hoof, very very gently, letting out a cooing sound. "ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...it's eating meeeeee" You let out in a small squealish voice. Scared as shit to even move.

Trixie's horn started to glow, what she saw, it looked like you were about to get eaten. And for all intents and purposes. She couldn't have that. "Do not worry! Trrrixie will save you with her amaz-"

"Trixie Wait!" Twilight called out to her, stepping up in front of her to let her know nothing was going to happen. "Relax, the both of you, just relax..It's not eating him. It's just saying hi. I know it's weird. But according to Zecora, it says hi by seeing how gentle a pony will be with it before letting them get really really close. It's just seeing if Anon is an intruder or not"

"....oohhhhhhhheeeeeeee" You were still wincing. Oh god...oh god...you could feel the wetness of it's tongue. You could feel it's sliminess. Ooohhhhh noooo...you barely even registered what Twilight said. You were too scared to make a move. You whispered in a slow fashion. "heeeeeeeeelp"

Trixie's horn went aglow again, But Twilight gently put her hoof on her shoulder and shook her head. "Just trust her Trixie, you have to have trust if you want to make any friends."

Trixie cringed, she didn't know if what Zecora said was true. And you were her meal ticket to greatness. But if she made a move. That may upset everyone, and oddly enough...she felt..maybe trust was needed here. They seemed to be trusting her so far.

When the fuck was this thing going to let go?! "Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" After another moment, it did, and moved it's bulb head to your cheek and gave you a gentle lick. A… frighteningly… gentle… lick. Before cooing and moving it's head back. You just stood there, frozen, white from fear.

"Anon?" Twilight was now concerned, you were as white as a ghost. "Are you alright?"

"Alright as always, hahahaha, let's move on with the lessons huh? Do we go that way? Haha" You chuckle a little insanely as you wobble forward, slow down, then fall on your face. Too shocked to move forward anymore.

"Anon! Are you ok?!" Twilight rushed up to you first, Trixie close behind, and Zecora still standing by the plant, giving it a pet as she had a small laugh.

"Anon, speak to Trixie! You can't just...mngh" Trixie looked to Twilight with anger "You said he'd be ok!"

Before Twilight could even react. Zecora stepped forward to speak. "There is no need to cause a fight, Anon has been downed due to a case of fright"

Zecora stepped up to you and rolled you onto your back. Your eyes were still open, you were shaking and looking around. Unaware of what was actually around you. You had every good reason to be scared. It's not like you could reason or trick the damn thing. If it ate you, that's it, game over. Even Chrysalis didn't seem so threatening in comparison, and she was pretty fucking scary when she had the upper hand.

Zecora gave your snout a firm press. Making you sneeze, and instantly come back to your senses. "OW!...hey....huh?" You looked around...hey..you weren't dead...or part of someone's vore fetish. Holy...shit. Thank fucking christ. That was fucking scary...oh wait...you just made yourself look like a pussy didn't you?

You look up and around. Twilight, Zecora, and Trixie were looking down at you. All just...staring. "Can we never talk about this please?....Pretty please?"

Trixie nodded, wincing at how pathetic it actually seemed. "That may be best.."

"Yeaah..so..um. Well, at least you’re friends with it now. So you don't really need to worry about it actually eating you...not that it would and..I'm making this worse soooo.." Twilight just started stepping ahead. "Let's just move on, alright?"

You slowly get up and start moving along with the group. It was a good thing nobody else saw that. Christ, the thing didn't try to even bite your leg off. Did it really scare you that much? Really? Sheesh. No more little shop for you...like seriously at this point.

Twilight was taking the time to talk more about the Everfree during the walk. Talking about it's history as ponies know it. How more of the normal animals usually live near the outside of the forest as the more fantastical creatures lurk deeper inside. And explaining some of everything you all ran into. Until suddenly...

"EVERPONY STOP!" Trixie announces in a booming voice.

You all come to a sudden halt. Why did she want you all to stop? What happened?

"Trixie? Why are you yelling?" Twilight looked around, making sure nothing was coming. "We're not too deep into the forest but there could still be something dangerous around. It could have heard you."

Trixie waved her hoof dismissively. "Perhaps, but we are definitely more than a match for anypony who tries to fight with us. Besides, Trrrrixie has an important lesson of her own that she wishes to teach"

Wut?

"You do?" Twilight asked, confused as hell.

"Of course I do...Behold! these berries, two different kinds of three different colors can be found among these bushes!"

Berries? "...I don't want to sound rude or anything, but...what's so important about berries?"

Zecora nodded "If I were to make a wager, I believe there is an important lesson she wishes to address." It seemed Zecora was already interested in what Trixie had to say. "Trixie, I am very intrigued . So if you don't mind, please proceed"

Huh...both you and Twilight look on. Curious to see what Trixie had to say. Trixie makes a small bow to Zecora, acknowledging the fact that her curiousness also garnered yours and Twilight's.

"Thank you, now...Trixie would like to direct everypony’s attention to these berries. You will notice some red ones, some yellow ones, and some black ones. Now, whether you want it or not. There may be a point in your life where you will have to survive with only your wits and skills. When it comes to food, berries can mean the difference between life or agonizing death! Trixie shall teach you which of these berries is safe to eat, and which one will ruin you completely in the most disgusting of ways. Now then!" Trixie's horn glowed as she magically picked the berries and held them up in front of the group. "Now, I could already guess Zecora knows which berries are safe to eat. So Twilight, Anon. Can you tell Trixie which of these are safe to eat?"

Twilight tapped the bottom of her chin as she observed the berries closely. "Ohhh..I get it" She then took a moment to actually let the genuine feeling of being impressed about all this settle in "You're teaching survival in the forest! That's amazing Trixie, I didn't know you knew anything about this!"

Trixie actually felt humbled and acknowledged through Twilight's words. With a little added smug of knowing something Twilight might not know. "I do, I actually know everything about this..." She nearly frowned after those words all of a sudden, she was now actually remembering how it was to have no money, forcing her to find other ways to survive. But she kept up her front. she did not want to show any weakness.

"Now then...." Trixie started to make the berries spin in circles, forming one ring with 1/3 of it being one of each berry color. "Trixie will tell you that each one of these berries look delicious and safe to eat. But in actuality, only one is good for you and tasty to boot. One other is unripened and very sour, while the other, while also quite delicious, will make you go to the bathroom for hours upon hours! All three of these types of berries are actually very common. But, to see how knowledgeable and lucky you might be. I shall let you, young Anon, try to use your brain to figure out which of these berries are safe to eat."

Trixie has the berries group up by color and has them float over close to you. "Uhhh...I....Erm..." You look closely at the yellow, black, and red berries. You couldn't figure out which one was which. But if your cartoon knowledge told you anything, the worst looking berry was usually always the healthiest. So.... You pick the black berries. "That one!"

"Ahhh, the hero colt is very astute! Gaze upon him and applause for he is correct! The black berries are the safe ones to eat! And with that, I shall now explain and point out what the other berries are. The yellow berries are actually the ones that will rip your insides asunder! Truly terrible will you feel that you will have very little time to act, and as a FUN FACT!" Trixie eyes everyone with a arrogant smirk before speaking again. "These berries ALSO expand and then explode when introduced to certain liquids. One can surmise that this is one of the many reasons that it causes such...pain. And then there is the red berries, these are merely unripened black berries. So unripened that one bite will make your mouth pucker up from it's terribly sour taste."
Trixie then strikes a pose "And that, my fellow ponies, is the lesson to choosing what you should eat if you find yourself without nourishment!"

You also notice her putting the yellow berries in her hat with her magic....huh? Why would she be doing that? But before you could question it, Twilight smiles happily towards Trixie and congratulates her "Good job Trixie! That was actually very informative and helpful! In fact, it kind of made me a little hungry too. Would you mind if I..."

"Oh..oh..umm" Trixie was blushing in embarrassment, It really has been a long time since she has gotten praise. "Thank you...oh..yes..right..Would anypony else care to have some berries before we proceed?"

Zecora takes Trixie up on her offer, and....you were still kind of hungry. Cereal could only fill you up by so much. And since you figured Zecora may have already knew about the whole berry thing. You decide to take Trixie up on that offer as well since you could at least trust her word on this.

And....huh...it was tasty and sweet. So why take the yellow ones? "Trixie, can I ask you a question?"

Trixie was gobbling down the berries pretty fast. Geez, how much does she usually eat?...poor girl, she was probably hungry the entire time. She swallowed, wiped her face, and then noticed what a slob she was being, wiping her face before answering. "Huh? o-oh...of course, you may ask Trrrixie any question. It is a learning adventure after all"

Well, at least she was really getting into it. "Why did you put the yellow berries in your hat? "

"Oh" Trixie smiles a confident smile at you. Which, was actually reassuring because it seemed she had a non deceitful answer for you "As I mentioned, these berries explode when exposed to certain liquids. They are a perfect and cheap base for some pyrotechnics and smokebombs."

"Ohhhh, that's actually really interesting. In fact..Anon, can I get a pencil and write something in your notebook? I want to keep notes on all this in case I forget" Oh man, Twilight must have really been into that lesson. Because it looked like whatever ill will she had towards Trixie was melting away, and vice versa.

"Yeah yeah, sure, let me just get them out of my bag"

"...Out of your bag?" Twilight's happy and bouncy tone suddenly dropped into that damned "wtf you doin?" tone....that fucking tone she has...what did you do?

"Y-yeah...is that a problem?"

"Yes. It is. Why haven't you been copying down any notes? You do know you were supposed to be copying notes down, right?" Twilight was looking at you with that annoyed expression she gets as well. Well goddamnit.

"H-hey. come on. How.....erm...how...." Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. "How am...I supposed to write on my notepad when we're out here? Where am I even supposed to write or how am I going to write on it? I'm not a unicorn you know, I don't have magic to just whip my pencil out and write on the fly"

"That's a terrible excuse Anon, we've stopped at every point where we've done a lesson. You've had plenty of time to write what you've learned down by putting the notepad on the floor and writing into it." Twilight sighed and shook her head in disappointment

....Well damn, now you actually felt bad. In truth, you felt like you didn't even need to copy down notes. But, you shouldn't be selfish either. Twilight did this for you after all. The least you could have done was copy down notes. "Sorry Twilight...If you want, I can write down everything now. I mean, I still remember everything I've learned so far. I'll even write down an extra copy of the notes from Trixie's lesson."

Twilight, while still disappointed, but she felt that would suffice for now "Alright, but please remember to copy down notes as we continue the lessons. Alright? I know writing notes isn't very fun, but it is essential for retaining and reviewing information." She had to remember as well that even though she is doing this for your benefit, she shouldn't berate you too hard given you were supposed to be her friend, and not just a foal who needs discipline or parental guidance.

....Way to be a buzzkill, Twilight. Fuck, whatever. Don't think that, you should have just done what you were told from the start.

While everyone fills up on berries, you take the time to copy down some notes. Or at least you did, as you were fumbling about with the pencil, trying to make sure your handwriting… Hoofwriting?... Mouthwriting?..Whatever, was legible, you suddenly felt a pull on your pencil. It then dislodges itself from your mouth and starts writing on it's own.

As you take a look upon the pencil, you notice a purplish aura surrounding it. Not Twilight's magic aura...but.. You look up to Trixie, who gives you a wink before going back to her berries. ....Awwww. Well, it's a nice gesture really. But Twilight would notice your handwriting wouldn't be yours.

But hell fuck it, you didn't want to write all this shit down yourself. So, not wanting to write. You just smile at Trixie, and wink back. Hmmm, as things went on. It was hard to tell if Trixie was faking or not anymore. It all seemed so genuine. She really felt like she was becoming one with the group. After the berries were bitten and the notes were notarized. It was time to go, this time to where Fluttershy had been waiting.

As the four of you traversed through the forest. You began to hear the soft sound of river water running downward through the forest. And two voices. A soft buttery one, belonging to Fluttershy...and.....oh good lord...is that?! Could it be?!

"I cannot wait to meet your nephew Fluttershy, from the sounds of it he just sounds simply fabulous!" That had to be...The rarely seen. Steven Magnet.

"Oh he is, he's nice and caring and very affectionate. Whenever I see him, I can't help but feel so proud for all the things he's managed to accomplish since he was adopted"

"Ohhhhh I know. Fighting off foalnappers and griffons? I would say how absolutely frightening that sounds, ohhhh, just gives me the willies just thinking about it. Too bad he wasn't adopted sooner, then you all wouldn't have missed the wedding due. I'm so so sorry you had to deal with that silly old Bugbear. But I have to tell you, Cranky Doodle's and Matilda's wedding was oh so fabuuuuulous and everything went so smoothly. In fact, on behalf of the bride and groom and myself, I'd like to take this time to thank you all for dealing with that nasty problem. It just makes me think though, do you think he could fight off a bugbear on his own?" Definitely him...had to be him.

Fluttershy looked down and frowned. "I'd rather not think about that....Anon shouldn't have to fight anything at all. He's so young, I sometimes get scared that he'll get himself into a fight he can't win. And...Well...mnnn. No, I'd rather he just play with his friends like any other colt. His father says he doesn't encourage it. But I know he chose to go and fight those griffons on his own....And he really really shouldn't be going into those type of situations. Especially by himself."

"Say no more, I won't mention it again! no siree! And....oh? Do my gentle ears deceive me?" Steven puts his webbed like hands toward his ears "Why yes! I hear four ponies coming this way! Oh Oh! I better get into posssiiittiiioonn!" Steven Magnet excitingly rushed back into the river. Waiting on the rest of the group to appear.

"W-wait!...." But he was already gone before Fluttershy could ask him what he meant "Four? There should only be three. Hmm" Fluttershy surmised it could just be one of her other friends accompanying you.

As the four of you came through the clearing, you could finally see her. That beautiful, cuddly cute, and soft aunt of yours. Even seeing from the distance, it made you smile. And just the same, it made her smile too.

"Anon! Twilight! Zecora! Trixie!.......wait..." Fluttershy realized in her excitement, that the last name she said wasn't...exactly right. "T-Trixie?"

Noooooope, you already knew what would happen. You better explain to her now before stupid cartoon antics happen. "Woah woah woah, Aunt Fluttershy, I already know what you're thinking. And let me tell you right now, it's nothing to worry about. Nooothing to worry about. Trixie is legit, she's here to learn, and even taught us a neat lesson about berries"

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