• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,514 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 225

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Sibling rivalry
Discord at the saloon
And Anon and Applebloom kiss

You look down at the fallen mare, it was funny...but also curious. "Y'know, it probably isn't good that a species that feeds on love can't actually handle what they consume."

Chrysalis slowly starts to stand and lets out a little cough "We feed on it, but as I said...we don't like our prey loving on us. I'm not interested in their "feelings". It's all pointless in the grand scheme of things"

"And yet, even given your definition of friendship, you still actually want to be my friend. And if affection hurts so much...why do you always show me affection then? hmmmmm?"

You give her a sly grin.

She let's out an "ugh" and rolls her eyes "Don't mistake that for affection. I was just toying with you, making a meal of you. And don't take my "enjoying my time with you" out of context. There's a difference between that and actual affection.." She then points over yonder to the cottage "And that was an example of the kind of affection I truly despise. Even if it is delicious. Do you realize how much planning goes into my feeding ventures? I always leave myself with outs whenever I can. It's easy to fool ponies at any point and walk away as they talk among themselves about how much they THINK I like them. When it's something like that though?.....it might as well be a bittersweet poison"

"......." You move in closer, with the smarmiest smirk you could "...now who's being a big whiner? It's not that bad and you know it."

Chrysalis looks at you with annoyed distaste "Do you want me to hit you?"

You back off with a giggle...until you remembered something. "Nah..no...wait...hold on. speaking of planning.." You look at her with accusing eyes "What was with the whole "Elements of harmony" thing you were asking?"

Chrysalis kept a stoic look as she turns to look over at Twilight's castle. "What do you think?"

"...You can't go making evil plans like that Chrysalis. Not only is it wrong, but you'd blow your cover."

Chrysalis lets out an arrogant little titter "Anon..I have a life too you know. Besides, what are you worried about" Chrysalis taps her forehead "I'm quite powerless without my horn. What, I can't indulge in my favorite pastimes?"

You just groan at her

"Anon, I will do what I wish. If you care so badly then you'll just have to do a better job at "handling" me.....of course, that also means you can't blow your own cover" Chrysalis then starts walking towards you, making you step back, she was giving you bedroom eyes "You do know how to "handle" me, don't you?"

You gulp, and start stepping back further. Her eyes were glowing. But without her horn to supplement it's hypnotic effects. It didn't have too much of an effect on you.

Too bad that body did....She was bringing her face to yours. and gave your nose a kiss. Making you blush.

"S-stop that..what if somepony sees?"

Chrysalis brings you closer by wrapping her leg around you and pulling you close as she spoke to you in a soft and sultry voice "Nopony will see...and besides...what was that word?...ahh yes..." She giggles and whispers in your ear "We could go behind the bushes....and.....fuck"

Your heart starts pounding, your face was deep red. Hearing that word from her. In that way. It was the hottest thing you have encountered yet. "I-I...B-but...e-erm...m-maybe?...um.."

Chrysalis pushes you away and cackles "hahaha! Still can easily be played with like the lustful little being you truly are. hehehehehe" She then takes a look at the length of her own leg, then turns her head to see the side of her body "And I must admit, this form is very appealing to the usual lonely idiot."

You get up and growl at her. "Can you stop that?! And!...and...I will make sure you're a good pony..just you watch"

Chrysalis wiggles her eyebrows seductively at you "Oh, I know you will..I'll be such a good little pony" She rubs under your chin "That you'll become my tasty little slave...." She giggles again.

You blush, but also slowly push away her hoof "...You know what I mean"

"....and of course, you have your moments where you can be boring too. Yes...I know exactly what you mean. But instead of telling me what to do, you'll have to stop me when I do it. It'll just put more of a challenge to the game. Now..." She gives you a gentle pat "Go inform that stooge of a Draconequus that I'll be staying with him after my night with Twilight. And no funny business Anon...keep it along the rules of our wager. Alright?"

Was she seriously thinking you were going to do anything underhanded? "Only if you keep to your word"

"..Well you won't know that until something happens now won't you? Now go...I need to find the Captain. He can be a little rambunctious sometimes and I don't need him gathering unwanted attention...Unless you want us to stay here and argue...hmmm?" Chrysalis just smirks at you, knowing she has won this bout.

..ohh shit...he was still running around..wasn't he..? "Ok...but remember. No funny stuff. And try not to seduce anypony..ok?"

She smirks at you "I'll try"

You hesitate leaving...but...you were sure she wasn't going to do anything too extreme. And if anyone thought it was weird she was walking around alone. You were sure she'd explain that you went to see if "Dad" would let her live with you..even if the truth was she already did. All you had to do was inform him she wouldn’t be coming home tonight. It also meant you had to see him again period.

You sneaked back over to the stream near the cottage and tossed in your map.

You drop in and fall on your bed.

The map falls daintily on your belly. You take it and slip it back into your bag. "...ok..."

You walk over to your floor door....but something was wrong.

The floor door was now...floor...saloon....door..things..the ones that swing open on hinges. Da fuck?

You go down the invisible gravity stairs once more to enter the living room. But it wasn't the living room anymore.

It was some sort of seedy looking tavern. Changelings sitting at seats drinking a pink fuzzy drink. Playing card games, tossing darts at a dart board, And all of them giving you a dark look.

"........." You stay silent and take another look around. In a corner, where the orb glowed inside a beer tap, was Discord, dressed as a bartender. Cleaning a glass behind a bartender's table.

You carefully and silently make your way to him. And sit on a stool....the hell was all this? "...Discord?...what is this?...a-are you alright?"

Discord smirked at you and turned around to fill the glass before gently sliding it over to you "Ahh, Mr.Anon...been awhile since you been around these parts...practically a week, I reckon."

oh....fantastic. He was playing a role of some sort. Was he ok? did you accidentally break him with that whole Blueblood thing? "Discord...c'mon. Talk to me like a normal.....as you normally do"

Discord sighs, looking at you with a stoic look "..Oh, you're afraid something's wrong with me. Well, kind of you to care but I'm actually absolutely alright. I'm just having fun with the locals. Can't you play along, just a little?"

You look around..if anything..it was kinda creepy. "Yeeeaaahhh...I don't even really know what this is, Discord..." You sigh "Come on man. I heard you were wigging out about what happened. I'm sorry....ok? I can still go out and do stuff with you. But....it just depends. I was going to pee in his drink you know...wasn't that good enough? The fact I was going to do it?"

"No...because you not only didn't do it. But you let Celestia in on it. Imagine the surprise on her face when her nephew or whatever he was came to her at a loss of words. It would have been HILARIOUS.....but no, you failed to keep her out of the loop...and what's worse. Let her change the prank completely within her rules. That's why when dear old Chryssi came up to me with her plan, I said yes.. I know that you'd never have any rest with her about. You'd be FORCED to see that being a nice and cuddly weenie..." Discord produces a hot dog with your face on it, and takes a bite "..is not going to win the day"

You cringe at that. And yeah...looks like he was already willing to go through extreme measures. "..Discord...I know I said I wanted her reformed. But even you should know you let her out too early. She's already scheming"

Discord raises a single eyebrow, unamused "And?...it's not like she can do anything. I let her keep the ability to hypnotize...but at a very low level that only simpletons would fall for. Her magical ability is gone and she can't even change forms. I think you're worrying too much."

"...We went to see Fluttershy. You should know we went to see her. You should know that would have happened. She already wants a statue of Chrysalis. She accepted her like it was nothing. What if she puts Fluttershy in danger? What about that? You know she doesn't care about her..."

Discord stopped for a moment...he even turned his head, it looked like he was thinking...did he not think of that? "mnnn...No, I'm sure I've done just enough to keep her on a tight leash. Nice try, Anon. But this is between you and me. And, if Fluttershy wants that statue..then I'll make it if it'll make her happy...as for you." Discord makes a very evil grin "....You want to ask me a favor..don't you?"

...goddammit...a favor for a favor… "..Come on...Don't do this. For Fluttershy's sake. I just need you to make sure Chrysalis stays here at night so she doesn't skulk around during the day. Not today, but day after and the days after that."

"Trying to guilt me, Anon? tsk tsk....it won't work. Unless Fluttershy is ACTUALLY in danger....which I know she isn't, then you aren't going to get what you want from me without a fair trade.....no matter how unfair it may actually seem."

You had to try though… "Are you really...REALLY..going to risk that? How would you know if something happened to her? I know enough about you that you don't actually know as much as you think you do"

Discord lets out a chuckle..but not because he found it funny. It was from agitation. "Ohhhh...I don't know whether to be proud or angry. I enjoy the fact you are trying to dupe me. But using Fluttershy? That's low....Low enough for me to actually hate."

"I'm not trying to dupe you! I'm being serious! You don't know what she is capable of...MPH!"

Discord zips up your mouth with a literal zipper..he hadn't done that in awhile. "Enough Anon. I don't find that very fun that you'd use Fluttershy's safety against me. So then...before I eject you from my bar. I'm going to give you one chance to answer. Do you want me to do you a favor or not?...of course..for a trade."

You tried to unzip yourself. But it was impossible. You even clipped the hook of the grappling mechanism onto the zipper...not it wouldn't budge.

"...I'm waiting Anon. You can either be a wimp and not take it...Because you should know Chrysi cannot do much in that form. Or you can take what you want...at the cost of having some REAL fun." Discord’s face was full of malevolence, he’s gone fucking mental.

.......There was no winning with him. He was being an idiot. Surely he knew Fluttershy was at risk. But what he wanted was for things to go his way. He wanted you at his side. He didn't want to sacrifice Fluttershy. He was convincing himself there was nothing wrong. If something did go wrong.. and she got hurt....He'd probably never forgive himself. Ugh...and a Discord who lost his Fluttershy would be something....that you can't even predict....So you nod..and agree. For his sake and Fluttershy's. You'd agree just to make sure Chrysalis has more restrictions on her.

Discord smirks at you "I like that choice...ohhh, don't look upset Anon. Everything will be fine! I promise! Nothing will happen to Fluttershy. C'mon, even Chryssi knows not to lay a hoof on her....if she wants to remain sane..." He says with a darkness in his voice "And now you and I get to have fun! Everything works out...for me really but you get the point...now then..Time for you to be off, you're much too young for a bar...in fact..I have planning to do...so all of you get a free boot!" Discord snaps his talon as tons of actual boots appear. Oh god, it was frightening. The fleet of boots even had the changelings in a state of fright.

Discord just started cackling as the boots starting kicking everything in sight. Anything they kick being poofed away. You didn't even have time to react as you tried to block a boot and ended up getting kicked right in the head.

In a flash...you were back in your room. Right outside the floor door...which had returned to normal.

You tapped at your head a few times. You only felt a slight bump. Either your head was becoming resistant or you really should go to a hospital about it.

.....Discord....

...Well then...At Least you didn't have to worry about Chryssi scheming and sneaking around at night.

...oh shit...Wait! "Ahh fuck..I forgot about the Captain!....Discord..W-wait!"

You open your floor door...and everything was back to normal. Discord was nowhere to be seen. "....ahh shit...Well...mnn..how much damage could he do? He's a fucking puppy now....I better go find Chrysalis. It's still daylight...And I gotta.....I gotta......dammit..."

You open the portal door and look through it...it was night. "Discord you MISERABLE LITTLE FUCK....YOU FUCKING SHERAGRAFEWEWF"

You nearly blow a gasket. He must have pulled a shenanigan to make time pass all the way to the night. There was no telling what Chrysalis may have done while you were "Away" "Goddammit. What if she hung around the crusaders...or..Oh god.."

You felt your heart go heavy "Diamond Tiara....what if she spread rumors?...What if she found out about my other friends and went to see them? What if she met the rest of the mane six and.....did stuff...ok..relax...her powers are super weak. Discord said she could only hypnotize simpletons. Basically idiots.....and a lot of ponies are idiots....ugh. Dammit.."

.....you were never going to get sleep. And school was tomorrow. You set your alarm to wake up much earlier than when school starts so you could dart straight to Twilight's. You wouldn't go now, you didn't want Twilight growing suspicious. Though...wouldn't it be suspicious that you didn't even go to tell her anything? Well..given the time on the clock..as you noticed. They are probably getting ready for bed… "Chrysalis...you better keep your word...I swear"

Why did Discord do this? You didn't even know. Maybe he just wanted to see what would happen if Chryssi was left alone for a day. Maybe he's just insane...who knows...

.....You climb into bed and try to sleep. Tomorrow would be another day....you had to be ready.

..You close your eyes..and drift off.

During your sleep however. You feel a few drips on your nose. Making your eyes slowly open up. "Ngh...Discord...Why..WHY..do..y...huh?"

You open your eyes and look up at an open portal on your ceiling, it was liquidy looking. And it looked like it went into someone's old style kitchen. "...the...fuck? Am I dreaming?"

As you stared into it, you saw a familiar applefilly climb over something to jump in. She falls backwards and let's out a yell.

You yourself let out your own yell as it hits you that said applefilly is about to fall on you. You try to get out of the way but no dice. She drops right onto your stomach and bounces off right to the end of the bed.

"Hmmmmmnnnnngh!" You let out whine as you flip over and hold your stomach. Completely out of breath from her landing

"Wow!" Applebloom dusts herself off. Not even noticing that she fell on you "It really worked. Ah can't believe Anon would just leave his map where anypony could grab it. It's so easy to just end up here....hmm.."

She looks back, and notices you groaning in pain. "Anon?..oh boy...ah didn't hurt you..did I?" She looked pretty concerned.

You took a few breaths. As you feel something like fall on your nose....that parchment...it looked familiar. "N-no..I'm alright...wait...Applebloom?"

You look over to her, and jump back to your pillow "APPLEBLOOM?! WHAT?!..HOW??! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM?!"

WHAT IN THE FUCK?!

"Ya don't have to yell Anon, sheesh. Ah was just returnin' your map thing. There it is right there" She points to the map that had now fallen on the bed.

.....the map? That you dropped?..you didn't drop your map.....and yet...there it was....something was off. "...uhhhh...Applebloom...Where exactly...did you find that map?"

"Ah found it lying around in the classroom. As soon as ah realized what it was. Ah took it home..."

.......ok ".....Why didn't you return it to me when I lost it?"

This...didn't sound right at all. "Ah didn't know where you were"

"....so...why come to my room? If I didn't have my map, wouldn't it make sense that I couldn't get home?"

"......huh..." Applebloom tapped at her chin "Ah never thought of that actually...ah thought maybe you had another way home, ah didn't see you with your sis when she was walking around Ponyville without ya. I would have said something, but I was with my sister...we were looking for that puppy and she was gonna show me a few lasso'n moves. She didn't seem to think that puppy was too dangerous, even though I told her what it did...we never found it though...weird huh?"

No...he was obviously hiding to make sure he didn't get caught. And what really struck you as odd was the fact that you had only been sleeping for about an hour..if your alarm clock was correct anyway. "Ok...last question....what are you doing at my room at night? Shouldn't you be in bed?....does anypony in your house know you were coming here?"

Applebloom blushed hard, and started swirling her right foreleg around on the bed. "Erm...Well, that actually...ah wanted to talk to you alone. See, your sister told me ah should...erm..talk to you about a few things alone...Ahh didn't know how ah was gonna do that actually...but when ah found your map...well...ah thought of a way...So ah kinda waited til night to come to see ya when everypony was asleep. Ah remembered how ya used the map when we went to the Crystal Empire"

....ohhh shit...Was that what her and Nymous spoke to each other about in private at the school? "Can you give me a second...just a second"

"Erm..Ok..." Applebloom said as she just gazed around the room.

You got off your bed and took a look at your saddlebag. Inside was the usual contents....including...your map.

That wasn't your map...Chrysalis probably had a map of her own. Why a map when Discord could have chosen literally anything else?....Who knows? But that map HAD to be hers....that bitch...She had planned from the start to make sure she didn't have to come home today. She dropped her map on purpose. She spoke to Applebloom back at the school to get this in her head. And dropped the map for her to find....GODDAMMIT! YOU'VE BEEN RUSED AGAIN!

You look back to Applebloom and hop back on your bed. For now, you would follow on the ruse as to not raise suspicion. "Welp....Thanks Applebloom, it was really nice of you to return my map. So erm..."You look towards the portal door "You should go home now before you get in trouble"

"W-wait Anon!" Applebloom blushes "Ah kinda wanted to talk to ya...about somethin'"

....ugh...wonder what it could be...oh right...relationships "...is it about Me, you, and Diamond Tiara?"

"......" Applebloom lets out a little whineful moan and starts rubbing her right leg with her left as she turns away "Sorta...Ah just wanted to ask ya in private why ya went back to her. Ah mean, you didn't have to come to me either. Ah just thought it was over. Mah sister says relationships as a foal come and go and never last long...but...." Applebloom blushed even more, but she also felt considerable shame...it was adorably sad "...never mind....that'd just make things a lot more complicated ah think"

...mnnn "It's complicated Applebloom. I don't even know why really. It just seemed like destiny in a really odd sense. Even Sweetie Belle helped me with it, you know that. And I think you’re sister is right. I really don't think this relationship will last forever. I really really don't"

"..are you joshing me? She's head over hooves for you....and sometimes it looks like yer the same way. And ah just don't get it."

"What's to get?" You shrug "That's just how it works...what I want to know is why you're bothering at all. Applebloom, I'm taken..why do you care?"

Applebloom cringed, that sounded...especially cold to her. "...I dunno...It's just...Well, Granny Smith once told me that the apple family,each member, always finds the right mare or stallion...And ah never felt these kind of feelings before. So..maybe..ah thought...you were the one.."

Applebloom

You let out a soft sigh. "Applebloom...I know it hurts but...she said Stallion..not colt. I'm probably not the one. And besides, the reason I say I might not even last with Diamond Tiara is because my life is complicated...really really....complicated"

Applebloom's disappointment then turned to feeling rather insulted "...Why do ya gotta baby me like that, Anon? Aside from living with Discord, what else ya got to worry about? Have ya even ever worked on a farm? It's hard work.....you just want me to leave...don't ya?" You could see her holding back tears.

...unfortunately, there is also something else...something you hear.

It's your floor door, it's making a slight creaking sound...as if things were moving through it.

....OH SHIT! "Yup! That's exactly what I want...Applebloom..I need you to close your eyes and I'll get you through the portal door. It's been letting out this really bright light and I don't want you to go blind!"

You give her a frantic smile as you start sweating profusely.

Applebloom's face scrunches up in pure anger "ANON! HOW COULD YA BE SO MEAN!...y..yer not even actin' like a friend...or was that it all along? Ya used us to get what you want and just toss us away! Is that it!?" Applebloom gets up and starts poking you hard on the chest, accusing you, looking at you with angry,tearful, judging eyes "Huh? Is that the truth!?"

You squeak and step back "Applebloom! Don't be so stubborn! I need you to leave...Right now! Right right now! For once...FOR ONCE, JUST LISTEN!"

You step up over her, knocking her to her back as you look at her with angry eyes. You were angry at her stubborness, but you also didn't want her to realize or even notice that you two were no longer alone.

Applebloom was now deeply emotionally hurt. To her, it was like you were...all this time...just a selfish monster. She had never seen this side of you...and she never wanted to ever again. "Fine! Ahm leavin'! But we ain't friends anymore! You're...Y-You're just! Cruel!"

....ohhhh...dammit. That was really bad...you didn't mean to just yell out like that. But fucking dammit, she just wasn't listening. "A-Applebloom...It's not like that! I mean it! It's just you really gotta go! Like right now..please..don't feel insulted..I'll expla-"

"No..you won't. Like ah said..we're done! WE'RE DONE!" Applebloom shouts with tears running down her eyes, she hopped off your bed, sobbing as she walked over to the portal door.

....fuck...Well Chrysalis..you got what you wanted...this was what you wanted right?...you monster.

"What's wrong with this stupid thing!" Applebloom was trying to open the door "Why won't it open! Ah wanna leave already!"

"H-hold on...let me-" But before you get off the bed..like lightning...black silhouettes dive right towards the door.

Applebloom falls silent as pairs of eyes open up from above the door, their hooves holding the door closed as the ones that dove in land on the center of the door and cling to it, others clinging to the surrounding wall. "...g....m...b..." Applebloom couldn't speak, she was scared witless. Her eyes wide as she stepped backwards. The changelings moving in on her.

No..NONONONONONO! NOT NOW! NOT FUCKING...DAMMIT!

The Changelings begin hiss and speak"Where do you think you're going?"

"We haven't had any kind of delicious love in awhile"

"Just pretend we're not here...but don't leave...in fact..why don't you just stay forever?"

...oh no...They must have sensed the love Applebloom was giving off and went to investigate. Goddammit....everything regarding Chrysalis just made your life harder..worse...what were you going to do now?

"A-Ahm warnin' you..Ah-ah don't know how ya got here..B-but Ah stomp ya all...." Applebloom says as threatening as she could. Applebloom steps back and stops when she bumps into something pointy. She turns near white when she hears hissing behind her. "...t-to..the..g-ground?"

She turns around, and just sees more of them. She freezes in place. She couldn't fight this hoard. She weakly calls for help "A-appplej-j-jack..A-Anon...h-help.."

You could see them all gathering around, but not attacking. But they were getting agitated. The love they were feeding on was weakening.

.....she was so scared...and it was too late now...you had to do something.

"All of you! Back off now! Or else!" You stand up on your bed, brave and tall.

And...amazingly...they back off.

...oook...wait...was this planned?! So..oh please Chrysalis...you're smart. But how the fuck did you plan this far ahead? Discord?...no...can't be. He's being dense, yeah...but this could ruin everything for him...and for Chrysalis...so..the question was...Did she plan this? and for what reason..?

You hop off the bed and get to Applebloom and guard her. "Back off..All of you!"

You look to Applebloom and give her a shake "Applebloom! Applebloom! come on..we gotta get you out of here!"

Applebloom opens her eyes and looks at you. Once again the hero, her eyes glisten. "Y-ya saved me.."

"I know. Now's not the time for that. Come on!" Dammit...it was really looking like a faked attack to garner more love for her. At least she didn't make the connection that you and the changelings were living together.

You rush her over to the door while the changelings backed off. Surely they would let you open the door since it seemed part of the plan.

......They didn't...you couldn't get the door open.

The changelings start speaking again.
"Anon, don't let her go"
"Come on already...make with the smooching"
"Or at least cuddle or something."
"I wish the queen was here, Anon is being really bad at wooing her. She'd be able to help him"

Applebloom's eyes went wide as she heard them conversing among themselves. But no..it couldn't be. "A-anon..why are they talkin'....as if they know you?"

....Ok....now things really went awry. In what world did them just saying shit like that help in ANYBODY'S plan? "Don't listen to them..nnnggh!" You did your best in trying to get the door open "We...gotta!..Get!..you..Out!"

They start to speak once again.
"Anon...can you stop? We're not letting her leave."
"You're the queen's friend and all, but you're being rude."
"Smooch, Smooch, Smooch!"

"Q-queen's friend?..A-Anon..." Now Applebloom was internally having a freak out "...Anon...where did they come from? W-why.....why are they sayin' that you're the "queen's friend"? W-What's goin' on? ah..ah just wanna go home. I-it’s a dream..right?"

you were panicking hard. They were starting to close in again. And they weren't letting you open the door. Shit Shit Shit! "Applebloom...Just..."

Suddenly you feel a push on your head as your lips press upon Applebloom's and you fall right on top of her.

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