• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 134

The door opens slightly, with Fluttershy peering out the slit of the door. She noticed you. But she too did not recognize you. "Hello? Can I help you?"

You wave to her, and smile. "Hey Aunt Fluttershy!"

Fluttershy had to take a closer look, she opened the door just a bit more to get a better view. She could hear that was you. But that look. "Anon? Is that you?"

You nod. "Mhmm! Check out my costume! Pretty nifty huh?"

She opens the door completely, relieved that was you and not someone else. But, she didn't know who you were supposed to b. So she decided to give a general praise for it. "Anon, it's very realistic. It's for tomorrow right?"

Well, that settles that for you. She didn't even hear about you exploding. Your only guess to that was that no one told her as to not worry her. Thank goodness. "Mhmmm, I know you don't know who I'm supposed to be. But I look pretty cool, right?"

For some reason. You really wanted her praise. Including on a very particular aspect. Fluttershy stepped out and gave you a better look. "Wow Anon" She was impressed. "Some of this looks pretty real. You look like some kind of secret agent...that's also a pirate"

...dammit.. "Actually, as the character I'm pretending to be. I sort of lost my eye when I was captured and...um..never mind."

Didn't want to go too into detail. But the "losing eye" part caught her attention. "Lost your eye? Anon, what have you been reading? It sounds very violent and not appropriate for a colt your age."

"Oh uhm...it's something I read back at the orphanage called "Metal Gear". It's pretty cool. I'm one the main characters. Big Boss! Pretty cool name huh?"

Fluttershy was astonished that there'd be such reading material for foals in an orphanage with soldiers and eye gouging..or in your case. Accidental gunshots. But that name... "Anon, I'm confused. Are you supposed to be a futuristic mobster?"

......ugh. her too?

"No no, it's a name of extreme prestige. It pretty much means I surpassed my mentor."

"Your mentor? Oh...you mean "Big Boss's" mentor? Who was he?"

"It was a she actually. She went by the name "The Boss" "

"Anon..are you sure these aren't futuristic mobsters?"

....."ahm...never mind....hm?" You notice that behind Fluttershy, there seemed to be a scramble of animals preparing for something. You use that to change the subject as you were also interested on what was going on. "Hey, what are all the animals doing?"

"Oh?" Fluttershy looks backwards, then back at you with a smile "Oh, they are helping me prepare for Nightmare Night"

Oh hey, that's pretty cool. "You mean like a haunted house sort of thing? That's pretty neat Aunt Fluttershy. I didn't know you'd be up for it."

Fluttershy wasn't though it seemed. As her next words were spoken with a more timid tone "I'm not...I'm actually preparing to avoid it altogether."

"...oh" A part of you actually wished that once the challenge was over that she'd join you for some night candy gathering. But, because it was Fluttershy, you felt like you couldn't just push her.

But that "oh" made her feel that you were disappointed. "Anon, don't feel bad ok? I'm sure you can have just as much fun if you go with your friends. I'll be fine right here until the night is over. So don't feel you can't have fun just because I'm not going. I'll be having fun reading stories and playing little games with all my animal friends."

....Ouch. In your mind, if that was a human saying that. That'd be all kinds of pathetic. But to each their own. Unlike a human, she could actually hold conversations with animals. "Do you need any help setting up?"

"Awww Anon, that's very sweet. But we're just about done. And..." Fluttershy looked up to the sky and noticed the sun was halfway down. It was getting late. "Anon, maybe you should be getting home. You don't want to worry your father and.." She giggled, she almost felt like a mother with her next words as she gave you a stare and joyful yet inquisitive smile "Don't you have homework you need to do?"

That was adorable but.. "Nah, you could say that today was so bomb diggity that none of us got any homework today."

"Bomb Diggity? Is that slang? Oh my, you're really adapting here in Ponyville, aren't you? I've never even heard that before. It must be new." She gave you a gentle pat on the head. And noticed that you're mane felt much tougher than before. It almost felt real. But she wouldn't comment on it. She didn't want to be rude. She didn't know if it was supposed to be like that or not.

"It's just...a slang we used at the orphanage."

"Oh. Well, wouldn't it be...umm..cool if it spread across the foals around town? I bet all the fillies and colts would really find it...hehe..bomb diggity" She smiled and giggled to herself "Look, I think even I got it. That's the way to use it right?"

That was....cute and cringy at the same time. But you smile anyway, if a little uncomfortably. You'd really rather that not spread. "You sure did Aunt Fluttershy. But...yeah, I guess I should be getting home. I want to get a lot of rest for tomorrow. You know, my first Nightmare Night and all. I want to be ready"

"Well, I didn't necessarily say you needed to go to bed. Isn't there anything to take up your time at home before you actually need to go to bed?"

Oh boy...was there. "Yeah, but I want to make sure I'm super ready. Who knows? Dad might have some day plans for me. He can be like that sometimes. Just springing something out on me out of the blue."

"Oh, I didn't even think of that. hmmm..I hope if he does, that it doesn't tucker you out. I wouldn't want you to miss out on your first Nightmare Night"

"Oh...I'm sure he'll be considerate. Well...you have a good night Aunt Fluttershy" You move up to her to give her a hug...ahh...she was always so warm. "If I have time, maybe I can swing by tomorrow night and keep you company"

That warmed Fluttershy's heart. To know that'd you still come over during Nightmare Night just to spend time with her, hiding until the day arrived. "I don't mind. We can make it a sleepover. Just make sure your father knows where you'll be before you come over. Ok?"

You nod. "Got it. Seeya tommorow Aunt Fluttershy!"

"See you tomorrow Anon,...OH WAIT!"

Hm? "Yeah?"

"If you get frightened of something. And want to call it a night early. I'll..uhm..I'll leave the door unlocked for you. Ok?" You looked a little worried about doing that. But she'd rather you have a safe haven over you being stuck outside while she hides.

"Thank you Aunt Fluttershy, I'll remember that in case anything happens" You were sure everything would be ok for her. Even if there was an episode based on Nightmare Night. It was possible she wasn't even in it. So, her locking or unlocking the door wouldn't cause any trouble.
With that, you headed off to the nearest source of water. The little stream by the bridge of Fluttershy's cottage.

You toss your map in like you always do, and end up back at home. On your comfy bed.
Nothing was amiss. Chrysalis wasn't lounging around. Discord wasn't mucking about.
It was peaceful.


With that, you lay down and close your eyes. The sooner tomorrow comes, the better. You were already ready to scare the shit out of some princesses.

Time passes.

As you sleep, you can feel soft movements coming from the end of your bed. It was....annoying. You were trying to sleep.

You wake up slowly and groggily, and kick your leg down. "...come on Chrysalis...it's too late for this...seduce me later." You turn, covering your face with your blanket. You knew it couldn't be Discord. He likes the more...sudden...approach.

"....how....dare..you..." Said a scratchy, youngish voice....a barely familiar voice. You raise your head and look down the bed. It was the fucking scrappy Changeling. And he looked fucking pissed.

"....are you fucking kidding? What do you want?" Ugh, he was ruining your sleep.

"REVENGE!" He yells out, making you put your hooves to your ears.

"Geez, come on kid. Just go away. I got shit to do tomorrow."

"kid...KID?!" He growled "I AM A PROUD CHANGELING SOLDIER! AND YOU WILL SHOW ME RESPECT" He announced obnoxiously as he hovered upwards, staring right into your tired eyes.

you stood up on your bed, tired, taking a stretch. Of all the changelings. one little one that seemed to be a klutz was nothing to worry about.

"What revenge are you even after? You do realize you can't even destroy me right?"

"Foolish little pony! You may think I can't. But I am actually very VERY powerful. Now, for the glory of the queen in which you have defiled. I shall destroy you! HYAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

You just hop off your bed as he crashes straight down, bounces up, and falls on his back.

You just roll your eye as you turn to him. "Sheesh you're annoying. How do you even recognize me anyway? I'm still in costume."

The scrappy changeling quickly got up on his hooves. and glared at you a death glare. "Do you think I'm stupid?! No disguise you wear can avert my eyes. You may think you're clever...but I'M CLEVER...ER...ER...erm...hmm" He confused himself for a moment, but then… "....NOW PREPARE TO PERISH"

Geez, this guy was a kook. He didn't seem to realize the barriers set in place to avoid murder.

He dives blindly at you again. And it seems he didn't learn the first time as you step aside. Causing him to crash head first into your dresser.

As you turn to him, you notice where you threw your saddlebag. The saddlebag itself.....had a glow spewing out from inside.

"...How is he so quick? Pony! I demand to know how you are so quick!" He points to you angrily, but you ignore him as you walk over to your saddle bag. Nearly entranced. And reach into it. You pull out what was glowing. It was the Sombra horn. But now it was bright, and golden… No way… It couldn't be just now… could it?

"I'm talking to you pony! or should I say...Human!...actually.." The scrappy changeling sits down to ponder on that. "Now that I think about it, despite being this human thing. You look like a pony. It's really confusing..."

As he ponders and talks to himself...you dare to try....you place the horn on your forehead. And it becomes a unicorn's horn. It....was time to test it out...

You now try to mimic David Hayter's voice. "Can't figure it out, huh?"

"Yeah, it's really....hmm?" The Scrappy Changeling turns to your attention, and gets really angry. "DON'T TELL ME I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT. I CAN! JUST LIKE I KNOW EXACTLY HOW I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!"

"Huh, destroy me? How do you plan to do that?"

"By pummeling your stupid face in. That's how!"

"Pummeling my face in? huh....Well.." Using your hopefully more than once magical power. You lift yourself so you can stand on your back legs like a human. And then ready yourself. Using your forelegs like actual arms. "If you think you can beat me, go ahead. it may be a different battle. But war is always the same. And we just fight in it. That's our job, our life, it's what we do"

The little changeling was confused by that "...What? War? Huh?....GRRRR, YOU'LL PAY FOR CONFUSING ME! FOR THE QUEEEEEEN!"

And there he went, rushing right towards you. But you wouldn't sidestep this time. You dig your legs into the ground. And wait for the right moment. And to your luck… Your horn… It was still on your forehead. And you could feel its power flowing through you. As if your mind was using it. It was like taking diazepam in metal gear. You were focused..and calm. You could see his movements like water.

You muttered under your breath. "Remember the basics of CQC..." And then the moment came. You manage to sidestep at a more opportune moment. Slam your hoof on the back of his head and knock him out. making sure it wasn't too damaging a hit to set off the barrier shot. Something you now somehow knew, perhaps through the horn's power.

And he slid across the floor and hit the wall. Knocked out cold.

"...holy shit.....HOLY SHIT I DID IT!" You cackle as you lift your forelegs up in the air in victory "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yeah!"

You trounced him so easily. You could have toyed with him so much, get him real riled up, but you had to make sure the horn had unlimited power first. You looked around for Discord. Was he watching? If he was, he wasn't making a move. "...hehhe...fucking badass....now..let's see..."

First priority. You zap your dresser. And reset it to the best memory. An alarm clock, mirror, family photo, chrysalis photo, and no explosion marks. Horn still stayed on top of your head… and the clock… was reading 12:30 AM. "Haha, he was being literal. Oh maaaaannnnn.....I can't waste this..I gotta do something, gotta do something...but what? WHAT?! DAMMIT, ALL THIS POWER AND I DUNNO WHAT TO DO WITH IT!...think Anon..think."

"...Hmmmm....I could abuse this power to collect an actual folder of ponies in lewd or doing lewd things. Octavia is pretty hot..." But as that thought crossed your mind. You realized that if anyone other than Discord were to come across it… "Eh, nah. If anything, I can get actual pony booty later. I am cute...nehehe..but let's get serious."

You started walking in a bipedal fashion as you rubbed your chin. "let's see......wait..." You look at yourself in the mirror. and then give yourself an evil smile. "....Anyone can become Big Boss.....and I'm gonna do what he does best."

It was time...to train your skills against an actual princess. You step towards your portal door, going back on all fours, and step through. Ending up near town hall. "Here we go....hmmm....I wonder..." You concentrate on your own body. Creating a red aura around yourself. "Here we go.....NYHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAA!"

You blast off into the sky, looping around town hall and flying above houses and through alleys. Laughing, with such control over magic. It was fucking easy. Control over chaos magic was fucking easy as fuck once you set your mind to it. "WAHAHAHA, THIS IS THE FUCKING BEST!"

You were having a great time, you went straight up into the clouds, loop de looping and corkscrewing. Then you stopped. To enjoy the night view from the sky. "Ha… haha… geez… Equestria..it looks...really beautiful from up here. I can see everything...." It was breathtaking really, to take in the sight on your own, just hovering up from so high.

You look up at the moon. It's size, it's shine...it was...breathtaking. A tear almost hits your eye. ".....no wonder Luna got pissed off. it really is nice...hmmm.." Of course you meant the night. In which many a pony just sleep through.

As you look back down, you can see the target castle. Twilight's castle. "There it is...Ok, let's go!" You zoom downwards at breakneck speeds. Once you reach the castle, you swirl around it at every window until you spot Twilight's bed chambers.

You peer into Twilight's chambers....she had a modest bed for being royalty. And hell, even her room was lined with books. And then there was Spike, even during sleep. He was at her side.

You silently hover inside, and sneak around right up to her, standing on your hind legs. You stand beside her bed. Looking right at her face. She looked....really cute while she slept. Oh man, this was insane. You were so close....god, if you were really evil. You'd use your magic to keep her asleep as you fuck her silly. But you were above that, you were above your primal needs.

Besides, scaring the shit out of her was going to be much more fun in the end. But...you did have to do something first. You lean in, and carefully kiss Twilight right on the lips. Twilight herself let's out a cute sigh as she turns around in her sleep.. "Haha...now I'm the closest person ever to cumming inside a pony...now that I've managed at least that. Time for scares....now let's see."

You went through your mind. Thinking of just what to use on her. You walked forward, then back, then forward again as you thought out your plan. "Let's see...attacking books is kind of lame and obvious. And she'd think things through in the end. No..maybe just blow all her books up? Nah, that wouldn't scare Celestia or Luna if I did that to them....wait....Celestia......ohhhhhh Anon… that's just too cruel… I love it. I'll just consider this full payback for trying to seal me."

You go back to the window and hop out. Then, materializing a mirror, You look into it until you were one hundred percent invisible. Then, you vanish away the mirror as you aim your horn into the room. And create a lifelike hologram of Celestia.

"Twilight.....Twilight, please. I need you to wake up" The false Celestia says in a soft but ultimately frightened voice.

And Twilight, as if attuned to her mentor's very voice, wakes up. And upon seeing her visage. Hops to attention immediately. "Pr-Princess Celestia?! W-what are you doing here? What's the matter?" Twilight noticed the terror in her eyes "....What...What happened?"

"It's terrible Twilight...something awful has happened in Canterlot. And only you can help me fix it."

Twilight put on a determined face, and tried to quell her mentor's worry. "Don't worry Princess Celestia, whatever it is. I can fix it! You can count on me! So what is it anyway? A monster has shown up? Somepony ruined Starswirl the Bearded's archives? Did somepony you banish long ago come back?"

Celestia looked down, her mane covering her face "...it's something worse.....Twilight..please come closer"

"W-what is it? What's...w-wrong? I've never seen you like this before." Twilight drew closer, worried for Celestia.

"Gotcha.." Celestia raised her head. Her eyes were red now. Her teeth were sharp and bloodied to the point it was dripping. Her mane, the top part has fallen. Leaving her bald as the sides of her mane puffed up and curled. And a red puffy nose replaced her normal nose. And her voice became that of Pennywise the clown. "I'll tell ya what it is. I never got to kiss ya goodbye Purplesmart. Now come here and give yer teacher a smooch!"

"g...g....P-P-Princess Celestia?!.W-What?!" Twilight was stepping back, unable to make sense of what was happening.

"Awwww, what's the matter bookhorse? Don't like the teacher student fetish? That's not good cuz it'd really blow your mind if ya gave it a chance. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" And as she laughed. Celestia's head started to inflate like a balloon. Then exploded into blood, gore, and tootsie rolls.

Twilight's face and front part of her body had been washed up with blood and gore, even the sleeping Spike had a few bits on him while Twilight screamed the highest pitched scream she could muster while falling back. Amazingly. She didn't faint from shock. She was babbling though. Like a madman.

And that scream, was enough to wake up Spike. And as he woke up. You broke the illusion. Making everything you conjured disappear. Blood, gore, and all.

"What the hay?! What's going on?! Are we under attack?!" Spike jumped up, looking around, scared of what was probably or maybe attacking the castle "I knew we should have locked up the pla-WAGH!"

Twilight grabbed Spike with her magic and hovered him up in the air as she yelled in fright. "SPIKE! SOMETHING HAPPENED PRINCESS CELESTIA...SHE'S....SHE...."

Spike looked down at his disturbed friend as he took a moment to look around. He didn't see any sign of Celestia. "Twilight, calm down! what happened?!"

"SHE EXPLODED SPIKE.....SHE EXPLODED INTO BITS! AND I COULDN'T STOP IT. SHE'S....EVERYWHERE!" Twilight started to cry as she yelled right into Spike's face.

"What?" Spike looked around. But he didn't see anything. No blood, no gore, no Celestia. "Twilight....what are you talking about?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! CAN'T YOU S-" But as she turned. She saw nothing. No Celestia...no blood...no nothing. "B-but..."

"Yeah....Twilight. you're still tense about everything that's happened. Aren't you?"

Twilight just stared.....was it..all a nightmare? "Spike..I swear..I saw"

"Twilight, whatever you saw. It wasn't real ok? come on, put me down already..." Twilight does, without every breaking her gaze at the scene....she was so sure. Spike comes up to her and starts to gently rub her back. "Come on Twilight. Let's get you into bed. If you want. I'll cuddle up with ya and I dunno...be like a nightmare warder or something."

"Spike...I..I just...was that?"

"Yeah Twilight, I'm tellin' you. It was a dream. You're just really stressed. What, with what happened with Anon. And the fact that Starlight Glimmer pony you talked about is still at large. And having to go around today to tell ponies that Anon didn't explode must have been really annoying with all those angry parents and scared foals. Come on...you really need your sleep."

"Right...sleep...it was..just a nightmare...haha" Twilight let out a small crazed chuckle. That was the most realistic dream she ever had. And it scared the shit out of her. She had trouble calming down. Even as she went back to bed. Spike, as he went to cuddle with her, got pulled close like a plushie, even letting out an audible "YAGH" as she squeezed him tight.. But he didn't protest. In his heart, all he wanted from Twilight was for her to calm down and try to get some sleep.

....Mission accomplished. You didn't even feel bad for what you did. You accomplished in making her think it was just a nightmare. It was all too easy. You even let out a little chortle. "Yeah, Discord's got nothing to worry about.....mwhahahaha"

You put your two front hooves together and rubbed them evilly as you cackled. Just as you felt a rush of power, you decided to release it by jetting back into the air like a rocket. All this excitement, all this fucking power. It was a rush.

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