• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 163

Author's Note:

TONIGHT!
Discord likes mail.
Anon hits his head.
And a maid is really friendly

You had to cover your eyes. "Ogh, come on...it didn't need to be that bright....huh?" You open your eyes, it appeared you were on the roof of the building. "What the?...why am I?"

You look around for Spoiled Rich or Discord. None of them were nearby. But....Discord had to be there somewhere. "Yo Discord, what's up? Why am I up here?"

Discord popped in in front of you, holding an empty popcorn bag. He tosses it away and looks at you, and shrugs. "It's because we're done. Mission accomplished. We actually did it. No need to busy ourselves with the emotional baggage"

"What?! Wai...So that's it? What if she thinks none of that happened? OR worse...what if she went insane or decides to call in the cops or something anyway?!"

"I'm not worried, as I said. Mission accomplished." Discord shrugged

But you had your doubts, even if the illusion was pretty convincing....if it was a illusion. "Ok...hold on, you say mission accomplished. But you refuse to actually make a check on that. How exactly are you so sure then? Unless, that wasn't the actual future is it? I thought you couldn't do time travel"

"Oh no, it was an illusion." Discord materialized a director's beret and tossed it on top of your head as he leaned back and put on sunglasses. "A masterly crafted one at that. I was the producer, you were the director. And together we created a true work of art that would leave a lasting impression on any idiot. Of course, it wasn't complete without a little extra spice added by yours truly"

So, it was an illusion. But… "Extra spice? What do you mean? What? Did you mess with her mind a little to make sure she'd never find out it was fake?"

"A good idea, but no. Within the illusion, there was a single solitary piece that was quite real."

A single piece? "What?"

"The letter of course, It actually exists."

IT did?! "Really!?.....well..." Now that you thought about it... "I guess that makes sense actually. I doubt you're capable of writing something that sappy. Was that the letter you were looking at back at Filthy Rich's place?"

Discord nodded and gave you a pat on the head. "Indeed! Very observant of you. Yes, it seemed our young filly's letter got mixed into her father's received letters, so it never got sent. At first I thought nothing of it. But once we had a set up going with the illusion. The letter made the perfect story piece to bring it all together. In fact, it's so important that once mail call is announced, it will be sitting on Mrs. Rich's desk, ready to read and have tears fall upon itself. Hold your applause though Anon, I already know I'm a genius"

Shit....you actually felt like applauding though. That was, really really good. If that's the case, you really didn't have anything to worry about. "Well....still, that's amazing Discord. I would have never thought of that."

"Oh I know, but I admit. You were quite good yourself. The emotion, the anger, the passion!" Discord shook his fists as he closed his eyes and bit his lip "mmmmmm! It was magnificent"

You grin, nice to have some praise for once. "Well, heh. It's how I felt. Besides, I'm not gonna be all "holier than thou" about it like a certain purple princess. Yeeaaaahhh, I did pretty good. We...did pretty good."

But then a thought occurs to you...right then and there; about the letter. "But..wait wait. If I directed the illusion. Why the letter at all? You couldn't possibly have known I was going to mentally suggest she was going to grow old and alone ahead of time. In fact, why did you even bother reading it at all?"

Discord hesitated, and shifted his eyes before confidently saying his next words "Well duh Anon. I like to peek at other ponies mail. And that particular letter just proved to come in handy later."

You look at him with judging eyes...but. You couldn't be sure if he was telling the truth or that the letter actually touched his heart. For now, you'd let it go. You didn't want to spoil the moment because you just knew that if you poked at it, he'd poke back. "Well, ok then. Discord, thanks for helping me with this. I couldn't have done this without you"

"Oh I know. But, If I had to say something about this whole ordeal. It's that this wouldn't have gone even half as well if I had any other pony as a partner"

Well, at least that was something. But there was still something else. You remembered that Diamond Tiara was still really upset. Maybe you shouldn't care too much knowing things we're about to be fixed. But, DT and her mother were quite a distance apart. So Diamond Tiara finding out that her mom is willing to change is still a ways away. "Thanks...so what now? What about Diamond Tiara? I...feel bad just leaving her hanging."

"Awwwwww" Discord picks you up and cradles you, poking your chest "Is my Anon worried about his little marefriend? Hmmm? I could send you directly there if you're really worried about her"

And....the equalized partner goodness of praising each other comes to an end as he once again patronizes you. That didn't take too long. You look at him with an adorably angry look. "Really? We just pull off the reformation of the century and we're back to this?"

Discord nods "Uh huh, like I said. We're done. Why are you complaining? Most of the things you watched on television always went back to the status quo. You should be used to this kind of thing"

........eggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. His logic really annoyed you sometimes. "You're a shit Discord. You're cool...but you're also a shit. You can't show me some respect the entirety of at least one day?"

"Anon, I could treat you like I would a regular nobody..or worse..Twilight. Would you like that instead?"

......No. "Fiiiine, yeesh. Ok. Alright, I guess drop me off at Diamond's"

"Alright, but..I am curious. What exactly are you going to talk to her about? Or are you just going to tell her that we handled it?"

"No, I'm just going to try to cheer her up without mentioning it. Come on, you're a master of surprise. What do you think would make her happier? Me telling her, or her mom just showing up and giving her that warm hug she's always wanted?"

"Oohhhh, Well, if I had to choose. I'd choose that I think it's a little more than that. Are you sure you don't have a crush on her?"

You put your hoof to your forehead, rubbing it as you sigh. "Look, if you saw her you'd know why I'm doing this. She was falling apart. And she's a little bit of a drama queen. I just want to cheer her up so she's not an emotional wreck when all of this comes together."

"Whatever you say Anon, whatever you say. Well, I have a few things to do too. I have to make preparations for when we finally break this to Twilight and show her we're just as good as her. You plan to join me on that, right?"

...Ehh....no. Twilight was a twat. But, double teaming her on something she'd really believe herself to be best at is probably not a good idea after all. "Nah, you can have fun with that.. I don't want to give Twilight the wrong impression about me. I also don't want her telling Fluttershy that I joined in on mocking her. It sounded fun at first, and I'd totally do it. But yeah, the consequences can be pretty sucky I think."

Discord sighed in disappointment. "She would tell Fluttershy. Wouldn't she? I don't mind when she tattles on me. But I don't want Fluttershy thinking you're a delinquent. Mnnnn...darn. It would have been great fun. But you're right, if Fluttershy ever got wind that you aren't actually a little sweetie pie then she'd be very very disappointed and sad. I honestly can't see why she'd care too much. I personally would be proud. But, well..you know how it goes. Well Anon, I wish you good luck with your marefriend. And try not to get into one of those cliche moments of "passion"."

You nod. "Thanks Dis-...wait. Goddammit! She's not my marefriend and I would NEVER-...huh?" In a blink of an eye. You were in front of Filthy Rich's place. but something was off. You were still on your back from Discord holding you. But the top of the door was at eye level. "......oh shit"

You fall to the ground, hitting your head. "NGGHHh...ngh....of course. ugh...mnngh. of course he'd do that. Sheesh." You slowly get up, giving your head a gentle rub as you stare at the front door. Ugh, your head still sort of hurt. "Can't even have a victory conversation with the guy. Fuck....whatever. At least he actually sent me here. ugh...."

You sigh, you can't really be mad at him though. It's just him being him.You could always get back at him later. Still, for what it was. He definitely saw you as his partner. You both worked off each other as a team and successfully managed to reform Spoiled Rich. Even if his sole reason was to fuck with Twilight later. He still treated you with a respect he'd only ever give to one other pony. So despite his stupid shit, you knew he really did value you. That his words before of you being his friend and partner wasn't just a ruse. It's just he was also an egotistical asshole.

"Ok...I'm coming Diamond." You raise your hoof, and knock on the door.

It didn't take long for the door to be answered. "Hello?" It was a maid, man...you loved maids.

"Oh umm. Hi. Can I come in? I'm here to see Diamond Tiara."

The maid looked down at you, studying your face, then she came to a realization "Ah, you muzt be ze master Anon, pleaze pleaze come in"

Master Anon? You don't know whether to feel smug about that or wonder if that was some BDSM thing. Nah, just ask. "Master Anon? Why am I master Anon? Is somepony expecting me?"

The maid stepped aside so you could step in. "You are ze one who rescued the young lady Tiara, yez? Ze one Mazter Rich is fond of?"

"Yeah...umm..that's me"

"Zen that'z why. Mazter Rich wishes for uz to refer to you az if you were a member of the family. Az for being expected, no. But ze master and miss are out and the young miss iz very upzet about.....zomething. And if she iz not happy, the mazter is not happy...and then we are not happy."

....Ohhhh. You got it now. It was just your timing on the matter. She was looking for any way to cheer Diamond Tiara up. Well, lucky you showed up then. "Well, umm...if I can help, then I will gladly try to make her happy. Where is she?"

"In her room.." The maid bows. "Thank you Mazter Anon, we have been trying all day to raize her spirits but to no avail. You'd be doing uz all a zervice by cheering up the young miss"

"Hey no problem, if the young miss needs cheering up. Then cheering up is what I'll do." You ham it up a little. The situation made you feel pretty important.

"My my, you are zuch a chivalrous and honorable little colt, no wonder ze family is so fond of you...well..mozt of them anyway. I wizh you luck, for all our zake."

The maid leans over and kisses you on both your cheeks. making you blush deep red. "Ahrm..y-yeah..ok..umm...going..to do..that now.."

You quickly turn around to hide the your flushed face. Oh man, her kisses weren't just pecks. They we're a little longer than that with a sensual "mmmmwha" sound that rang in your ears.

But you had to get your mind out of the gutter. Diamond Tiara didn't deserve to be sad anymore. And you knew you could cheer her up. And then...well, you hope Mrs.Rich arrives as soon as she could. And you even hoped to see her and Diamond meetup. It was warming your heart already.

As you reached the door, three other maids we're standing in front of it. Each with one with ear to the door. "She's crying again...What happened?"

"I don't know. I thought she was going to be with that Anon pony the whole day. But she came back crying, and....demanding things. Did Sugar Lumps get the plushie she wanted yet?"

"No, it's rare and out of stock. I don't even know where we are supposed to get it. This is bad, usually she gets angry when she doesn't get what she wants."

"But that was a long time ago, she's been a lot nicer lately..."

"Do you think it's that Anon? Do you think he did this to her?"

"I don't know, I've seen him once. He seemed like a good colt. Mr.Rich likes him...ahrm..Master Rich"

"I don't think he minds us calling him Mr....that's really more of his wife's expectation"

"It's a good thing she's not here, we'd all be fired if she saw Diamond like this"

Oh lord, they we're not liking the situation at all. "Hello ladies, is Diamond in her room?"

The three maids looked at you. Two of them were confused. But one recognized you immediately. Although, you kind of had trouble remembering which maid you met at all. "Hey, you're Anon right?"

"Yeah, I'm here to see Diamond Tiara. I can see her right?"

She nods. "Yes, of course..."

But then another one speaks up "Hold on..."

She then looks at you with suspicion in her eyes. "....Do you know why she's upset?"

"Hey yeah, you did mention she went to see him" The other maid mentions.

...How to approach this? They were maids, so it should be easy not to piss them off. But if you fucked up here. They may not let you in.

You take a breath. "If you want to know the truth..." You hesitate… "...I did this. She was asking something really really unreasonable from me. And I told her no. I didn't think it'd be this big a problem. I came to cheer her up because I thought she was upset. I didn't think things would get so bad as to scare all of you. I'm sorry"

You use the truth. You even hang your head down in shame, not because you felt it. But to add in for effect. You knew in the end. Everyone would be just fine, especially when Mrs.Rich shows up.

"....oh..Um...well, I guess...if she was being unreasonable" A maid said, feeling unsure of herself.

"What?! What does that matter, what could she had possibly asked of him to be so unreasonable?!"

"Maybe it was a date?"

"A date?! WHAT?! WHY WOULD THAT BE UNREASONABLE?!"

"Erm.....because they are foals?"

“That's right, you can't expect them to jump in that early"

"Well she clearly did"

"...I dunno, I didn't get many dates when I was a foal."

"I didn't either, but that's because...well...colts thought that stuff was icky"

"...ugh, why? This is why she's upset. He should have said yes"

"Are we even sure it was a date? I did say maybe"

"What else could it have been?"

..Oh good lord. These must have been the type to gossip. If you waited around for them. You'd be standing there forever. You decide to check the door handle while the maids yammered on to one another. Unlocked. Good, you decide to carefully open the door to Diamond's grand bedroom and, slip on through, and gently close the door as you hear Diamond Tiara's sobs ring through your ear.

You duck your head, her bed was rather tall. And you didn't want her to see you yet. You wanted to assess the situation. You near the bed and press your side into it. You could hear her crying up above. Suddenly, a pillow flies from above your head and hits the door. "I CAN HEAR YOU OUT THERE! I WANT MY CELESTIA DOLL! NOW!"

You could hear hurrying and apologies coming out from the other side of the door.

"...Why is it so hard? I could fix everything if I was an Alicorn...why would anypony care? If I became an Alicorn Princess...then all the better. I could help everypony ever, and they'd all look up to me and call out my name. Then she'd see that I'd be a pony worth loving. They'd all love me." She holds her pillow to her body tightly as she tears up more "...even Anon"

........shit. You wish you didn't hear that last part. Yeah, she still loved you alright. And we're talking full on love. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. It was obvious, but to actually hear her say it. Fuck fuck fuck.

This was going to be difficult. If only due to the fact that no doubt she'd accuse you of hearing her say that last part.......wait...the window to her balcony. Perfect...

You slide along the side of the wall. and then sneak, low to the ground, towards the window. Then...you carefully open it and slip outside. She didn't notice. She was too busy sobbing.
Ok..now it would look like you were trying to sneak in. Not exactly the optimal strategy, but better this then her realizing you heard her.

Now then… You knock on the window.

"W-who's there?!" She cries out

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