• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 6

Twilight cautiously walked up to you. "Hello Anon, How are you feeling?"

"I'm..uhm..good. It's uhh...nice to meet you Princess" You do a courteous bow. The more you milk this, the better. You held in your laughter. She looked a damned mess right now as she tried to put things together mentally in her head.

"You can call me Twilight Sparkle or just Twilight if you want. Princess is a little too formal for me. I'm just another pony." Where was she going with this?

"Aren't you a powerful Alicorn though? I wouldn't call that "Just" another pony"

Twilight blinked in surprise. You really were well spoken. "Oh..well. I meant on the inside. I'm just another pony. One willing to listen and understand and help you with any problem you might have. So please, don't feel nervous, alright?"

Oh hoooo. So that's what she is doing. classic cartoon tactics. She's trying to make you comfortable to spill the "truth". Maybe it was your own human nature mixed with the fact you are now pretty much partnered with Equestria's greatest prankster. But Twilight wasn't Flutters nor Pinkie, hell even Rarity can be cool in your eyes. This was your chance to see how much mischief you can get away with.

You walked up to her and looked up to her with a false look of wonder. "Ok, why do you want to talk to me miss Twilight? Is there a problem?"

Twilight smiled at you, you were being so polite. A direct contrast of what she thought you'd act like due to Discord's tutilage. "Not exactly, I just wanted to talk to you without Disc-..your father present. That is alright? Right?"

You nodded and gave her the happiest little smile. "That's alright, Are you going to be my mommy?"

"W-What?! I-I..uh..no Anon..I'm sorry but I can't be your mother" Twilight was taken aback, mother? Her… Father… DISCORD?! DOES NOT COMPUTE. Not in her mind anyway.

You frowned. "O-oh...I guess seeing you and daddy talk like that. I thought you were with him. I thought you were my new mommy..." You turn away, hiding a sneaky smile as you try to force tears. but unable to. "But I guess not..."

Twilight felt awful. She also noticed… As far as she knew. That you really cared about Discord. You kind of did. He was growing on you. "Anon, so it's true? You really don't mind being adopted by Discord? He..hasn't done anything bad to you?"

You look at her. and give her a small smile and shake your head. “Nu uh. He's been really nice. Really really nice."

"..Oook..." Twilight turned away and walked off for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I..I don't know what to make of this. He's the last pony to be raising a child and yet he seems to be doing fine. Think Twilight, Think! Is this all for real or is he...no. If he was scheming, then Anon would definitely let somepony know. It's just so hard to believe and yet. It's actually happening. I wonder if Fluttershy has anything to do with this. Just… Wow. He's reall-"

"I can hear you, you know" You really could, she wasn't being subtle

Twilight yelped in a startled cry as she jumped slightly away from you. You had decided to trot right next to her since you couldn't hear what she was mumbling about from where you were.
Twilight gulped "Right..aha..Well. I'm actually glad to hear you're doing well. I know it may not look it. But we've had some trouble with your father in the past. It's why I just wanted to make sure you were one hundred percent ok with this."

You looked up to her, and gave her an emotionless expression. "Gee miss Twilight, you're not very nice if you can't even think of this as a good thing. Daddy is much better than that lonely old orphanage. You don't want me to be lonely..do you? I didn't have any friends..."

Twilight winced "N-no, of course not. I… didn't even know you had no friends… mmm. No.. You're right. It is very wrong of me to think of Discord doing anything bad. Adoption is supposed to be a good thing that brings love and friendship into a foal's life. I guess I was just too worried that Discord was pulling some sort of prank."

You nodded. "You should feel ashamed of yourself for thinking of that. Dad is a good guy."

Twilight looked down and frowned. She really did feel ashamed "I do. I'm very sorry Anon. You can go now. I have a lot to think about..."

You nod and give a small polite bow. "It'll be ok, I guess you can think of it as a friendship lesson. I guess you have more to learn huh?"

"I do, Well. I won't make this mistake again. In fact, I'll be sure to get you a gift when I get the chance to celebrate your newfound adoption."

You smile. "That'd be really cool! Thanks Miss Twilight."

Twilight gives you a small melancholy smile "You're welcome, Anon. Now hurry along to your father. He's not the patient type."

You hold in a snicker. "You're assuming again."

"R-right. ahrm..well, you have a most pleasant day. Goodbye Anon" Twilight gave you a small respectful nod. She knew she screwed up...perfect.

"Goodbye miss Sparkle" You gave your own small bow as you headed towards the exit and left. Looking around for Discord. "Dad...Dad...you around?"

Discord immediately popped up from behind you and scooped you up as you both floated into the sky. It was startling at first. But you calmed down eventually. Maybe it's because you knew he wouldn't kill you or let you fall....from that far high anyway.

"Aye geez… Do you gotta just sweep me up like a hawk like that?"

"Well...no, But I always like to have a sense of flair to everything I do. Now then..How'd it go in there? Tell me all the juicy bits"

You cock an eyebrow and smirk at him. "Are you seriously telling me you actually didn't eavesdrop on the whole thing?"

"Anon, Anon. You've watched me before on your little box. You know I always SOMETIMES keep my word. And in this case I did, I left the rest to you. Now then, I would hope you aren't going to tell me that you felt bad for her."

You kinda sorta did. But at the same time, it was fun to have the opportunity to knock THE Twilight, the one who became perfect pretty princess, down a peg. You look to your "father" with a smirk.

"Oh, you shoulda seen it. I mean, wow. She was all like "Discord is not to be trusted". And I just gave her cute smiles and little sob stories about how you saved me from a life from no friendship."

Discord giggled "Oh, that sounds marvelous. Pity we couldn't get any snapshots."

You chuckled. "Yeah, if I still had my cell phone. I probably could have sneaked a video… I mean. I even suggested she was gonna be my mom and she wigged out."

Discord chortled and laughed hard, nearly dropping you. You held on tight "YOU DID WHAT?! AHAHAHAHA. ANON..Oh Anon, you didn't. You might be able to slay me with that one. That's rich, I could practically taste the smoke coming from her brain as she tries to put together the pieces. We could probably even have a camp out and roast marshmallows over it. You know… real father son time."

You hang on tighter until he gets a better grip on you again. As you speak to him. You notice he is being rather malicious about this. more so than you remember him being. Fun is fun...but. "Discord, you don't think we took it too far right?"

Discord waved his talon at you "ah ah....that should be "Dad, you don't think we took it too far right?"

You slowly nod. "...right...ahrm..well?"

Discord gave it some thought as you both floated up enough into a cloud...and somehow came out back into his house. "Not at all, she forced me for seven hours Anon..SEVEN WHOLE HOURS. To listening to everything about Equestrian law so I can be a "better" draconequus. it was excruciating."

What? "Couldn't you have… Just left?"

Discord let out a heavy sigh. "No, Fluttershy would have been greatly upset if I hadn't sat through all of it. She sat there with me the whole time to make it less painful for me. Every law and piece of order was like a dagger plunging into me. Oh… It was like being in a war I couldn't win, and then somehow coming out alive. So, afterwards I told myself. I'll do everything by the law… and get myself a son."

Fluttershy? ahh that makes sense now. At this point. He'd do anything for her. He has a heart in there somewhere. But...wait a second. "Hold on, but you didn't. You never went to Phillydelphia and filled out some papers. You came to my world, turned me into a kid pony. and brought me here. Are you telling me you did all that for a prank?!"

Discord didn't seem to care at your surprise when he said. "Partially, you act as if you wouldn't have known that there was my own personal reasons for taking you here. You shouldn't act so surprised. The way I see it, you still won the the biggest lottery of your life. It's not as if I can send you back anyway. It'd be suspicious. So, I hope you don't have some angst brewing and ready to tell me how "wrong" it is and how "hurt" you feel. I have no time for those cliches. You know what I'm capable of if you annoy me."

...Well shit. He's got you there. it would be annoyingly cliche anyway. Especially since it'd never end in your favor and he might even get annoyed enough to send you back with some dubious reason as to why despite him saying he can't. One thing for sure. You didn't want to leave. And, it shouldn't have been to no surprise that you were being used anyway. At least he's being nice about it… Still, one thing. "Ok..but..we're not gonna mess with Twilight that hard again right? I mean, that was super enjoyable and all. But, I don't want to make her brain explode."

Discord patted your head in assurance "Fret not. It was just a little revenge prank. I don't want her turning into some depressed pony who is no fun. I just wanted to get her flustered. You must admit Anon, it was..hrn..how do you humans put it?..ahh yes..fun as hell"

You giggled a little at that. and Thinking about it. "Yeah it was, topping Twilight was pretty amazing. Never thought it'd be that easy. But, I do feel bad. Just a little. But… I really gotta admit. I would mess with her again if I got the opportunity. Just… with something more lighthearted though. I still kinda want to be her friend too."

"Of course, I'm all for light hearted pranks. a fart here, a flood there, terror rampant in the streets from an army of pies coming to hit their faces. I'd never ever want to make Twilight extremely hurt that'd she turn into a grey sad husk"

You laugh at the pie thing...but that last remark. "Woah hold on...You did do that. Once before"

Discord gave you a stern look "Anon, please. That was a necessary tactic that turned out rather funny while I was evil. It's not as if I would do something like that again. Well...not unless I went evil again or something."

You chuckle nervously. "r-right, ahah...anyway. So what's up on the agenda next dad?"

"Well, I do need to make sure you're nice and fed. Are you hungry?" Discord asked.

You rub your belly. "A little, all I had was a few sandwiches and milk."

Discord rolled his eyes. "How meager" Discord snapped his fingers. Suddenly you were on a small chair as a table appeared before you. On it was food. a huge variety of it, turkey, sweets, burgers, fries, veggies, fruits. Just everything.

"...Wooooooooooooooahhh...This is… This is all for me?" You ask, astonished.

Discord nodded "Only the best for my son."

Wow, that made you think a little. Despite the prank. It seemed he was taking this seriously… for some reason. Well, you didn't want to spoil it. Specially with this spread in front of you. but before you even open your mouth. He had one last thing to say

"I have to go set up a little something. It'll be our last trip of the day." Discord explained.

Another stop? But you didn't want to go anywhere after stuffing your face. You just kind of wanted a chance to relax. "Another trip? Can't we save it for tomorrow?"

Discord shook his head. "I'd rather not wait. No doubt Twilight will tell the others at one point and I want to beat her to the punch with at least a certain friend. Besides, You have a tour tomorrow. Which would would make us have to wait even longer."

...Hrn… He probably wanted to show you off to Fluttershy. Well, you can't complain about that. You really wanted to meet her. She seems so caring and loving. You wouldn't mind if she was being affectionate towards you.

You nod to him without a word, and look at your food. "So..do I get a fork..or uhh."

Discord rolled his eyes "Please Anon, You don't need to waste your time on utensils . Just dig in. Just remember to be polite if others offer you food. Here, I don't mind how you eat."

"Ok" You shrug, and bring your mouth to the turkey. And the moment you do. The roast turkey jumps up and screams, freaking you out. It then starts rolling around before discord smashes it with a hammer.

"Oh, That one wasn't fully cooked it seems. Well, it should be ready to eat now"

You gulp "...R-right." At that point, you cautiously begin to stuff your face. Being wary of any other shenanigans that might happen.

Discord himself just starts floating and lounging about waiting for you as he toyed with his talons, it seemed that was his way of "setting up".

You knew you couldn't finish all of this. But you didn't feel bad because you knew he could make it all vanish as easily as he made it appear. You also knew any crud you got on your clothes or fur. That Discord would most likely clean off in an instant to present you to Fluttershy as adorably as possible. So you didn't hold back on reaching for anything.

It seemed so quick to have visited three of the six in one day. It was also odd how you and Discord bonded so well so quickly. Or at least you hoped so. For all you knew, it seemed like a duo made in heaven… or in hell. Then again, part of it was he was playing the part of "Dadcord". But even then, he didn't have to be nice to you when no one was looking.

It was relieving really.

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