• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,262 Views, 2,758 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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EXTRA: The After Years

Author's Note:

This chapter originally took place after Chapter 318. So I guess you could say this is how I tried to brush things away after my ragequit on 4chan. Still, this chapter works for the regular end of the story as well since Book 2 and the movie chapters exist.

This chapter also saw A LOT of changes. Retconning a few things that I would've had to right for Book 2 that would not have been fun (The original pastebin version of the chapter is still intact, so it would be obvious to see what I mean)

I hope everyone enjoys the true final chapter...To book 1.

And yes, there are MORE chapters with the children. But, I won't upload them unless there is actual demand for them

And then suddenly a meteor came from the sky, landed in Ponyville, and everypony exploded!

"...And that's the end of the story." You were sitting on a chair in a large and extravagant room with three beds. The chair was set in front of the set of beds, and each bed contained a foal.

A young filly with the striking image of Diamond Tiara. Same mane color even. But she wore it in a ponytail and her eyes had more of a resemblance of yours. She had no cutie mark, and was rather puny for her age as is.

A small,strong, but very slightly pudgy colt. He was older than the filly by three years. He seemed tough, rambunctious, and a little dumb. His cutie mark was a bomb. He beared a strong resemblance to you when you were young.

And finally, the middle colt. With spiked up hair and a set of glasses, his frame rather slim,and his cutie mark was a set of beakers. He too, had a strong resemblance to you. But not as much as the eldest son.

"Actually, father, if that was the end of the story, I don't think we'd be here. I hope that wasn't an attempt at a joke" The smug intellectual foal looked at you with a smirk.

"ugh, c'mon, Illustrious. Don't be such a party pooper. I just wanted to add little pazaaz" You tell your middle son. You thought it was funny….dammit.

The middle colt's name was Illustrious Rich. He was named by Spoiled Rich, who almost had you by the throat when it came to naming him.

"It was scary, I almost thought a meteor really did hit us!" The little filly shook in her bed as she looked at you with big scared eyes "That would never really happen, right, Daddy?"

"Aww, Jewely. Nah, it'd never happen. Besides, even if there was a meteor. Your daddy only needs to look at it with his super horn and BAM! It's gone, just a big ole pretty firework for you too look at" You tell her with a fatherly grin.

The youngest, the filly that is, was named Crown Jewel. Obviously named by your wife. You liked calling her Jewely, it was cuter.

She looked up at you with those pretty eyes and a sugar sweet smile on her face "Pretty fireworks? I like fireworks! That sounds a lot better than a meteor"

You give her a warm smile as you nod. "Yep, and it'd all be for you. I'd make it the prettiest thing you've ever seen!"

"Fireworks? Agh, that's fucking laaaaame. It should just be like that nuke thing like in the story! That would be the coolest thing EEEVVERRR!" Anon Jr. said bombastically as he slammed his hooves down in excitement. Ahh Anon Jr., your first son, you wanted him to be the striking image of you in every way. Unfortunately, he wasn’t too bright at times. And Spoiled took that as some sort of “Human” curse and made triply sure you’d never be able to name any more of your own children.,

"Yeah, that would be pretty ex-...wait...Junior, what did you just say?" Did he...no...he didn’t...Right? RIGHT?!

Oh god no, if Diamond heard him say that. She'd...oh god. Where did he even?

"Fuck. why?" He looked at you, tilting his head in confusion.

"ooooooh, you said a bad wooooord. Only adults can say bad words" Jewel said in a matter of factly way.

You just gave a scowl towards your eldest son "Where did you even learn that word?!"

Illustrious answered for him as he adjusted his glasses. "I believe that would be you, father, you were cursing throughout the entire story after all."

"........" Diamond was going to kill you. She was going to throw you into the fireplace.

"Oh, I know that look. Is mommy going to make you sleep on the couch again?" Jewel asked, putting a hoof to her mouth as she looked at you with curiousness and fright.

Fuck that noise. "Nooope, not unless Junior curses in front of her. So er, son. Let's just keep it between us? k?"

"Fuck yeah! I can do it, Dad! You'll never hear another fucking curse out of this fucking guy!" Junior pointed to himself with energized vigor

You're doomed. "....right"

Illustrious leaned over to put away his glasses on his night stand as he made himself more comfortable. He could already see his brother causing your utter doom. "Well, chin up, Father. It could still work out for you. Oh yes, will we still be flying kites with Aunt Starlight tomorrow?"

You cringed "I think we'll be flying more than kites tomorrow, son. I just wonder how well...my skin….will fly in the wind..."

"Awww, Daddy..." Crown Jewel hopped up, and stood at the end of her bed looking into your eyes with sorrow and worry. "Don't worry. I won't let you sleep alone on the couch. It can get scary being alone. I'll sleep with you if you want."

Well, if you could count on one of your children to make you feel better, it was Crown Jewel. "Aww, Jewely. I can always count on you to cheer me up" You give her a weak smile as you get up and lean over to kiss her forehead, making her smile and giggle.

"What the fuck? Dad! I said I wasn't going to curse anymore!" Junior spouted angrily at you

"AJ, you do realize that the word ‘Fuck’ is a curse word, right?" Illustrious told him.

"Wha? Wait...I thought curse words were like ‘ooga booga’ and ‘alakazam’ " Junior looked so confused

You and Crown Jewel just smack your own foreheads at Junior's comment. You were totally doomed.

"Well, somepony wasn't paying attention. Welp, father, siblings, I bid you good night. Oh yes, and good luck to you father…..You’ll need it" Illustrious said as he made himself comfortable and closed his eyes.

"I-I still don't get it..." Junior looked really confused.

"Don't worry about it, son. Just get some sleep and we'll have more storytime tomorrow night...maybe...hopefully."

"Oh..come on, Dad! Grandpa Discord would let me stay up whenever I want!" Junior complained.

"I know, and when you and him blew up one of Twilight's towers. Aunt Fluttershy scolded me and Grandpa Discord about it. Why me, anyway? I don't even know. I wasn't even involved!" Why?! You were innocent in all of it!

You hear Illustrious yawn, still cuddled in his blanket as he speaks "I believe that is due to ‘Parental Responsibility, Father."

You swear you could hear him snicker silently. You loved all your kids, but you swore Illustrious felt a little interdimensional in his upbringing. "Whatever...Junior. Just go to sleep, we'll talk about ‘cursing’ tomorrow"

"Ok, Dad, fine, I'll go to fucking sleep." Junior lowered his head begrudgingly onto his pillow and closed his eyes.

You sighed as you looked over at your daughter. She was reaching out to you.


You moved close enough so she could hug your neck with her little body. "Don't worry, Daddy! I'll never curse in front of Mommy! Promiseys!"

Awww.... "I know you won't, Jewely. You'll always be my little princess" You give her a smooch on the cheek.

She giggled and held up a strange doll. "oh, oh! can you give Chryssy a kiss too?"


That name...

You hadn't heard it since… "Where did you get that doll?"

"Oh, I found it on my bed, I think..erm...yesterday? I like it a lot. It's like a cute little buggy pony! Just like in the story!" She hugged it tightly and held it close to you.

It can't be. Chrysalis…? Nah….

You hadn’t heard from her in years. Sure, she kidnapped you a few times. But as time went on, she made less and less appearances until eventually word had gotten out she had died. When you were told the news, it upset you greatly. Even though you had indeed gotten over her when it came to your obsession, you still cared about her as a friend and was still able to have SOME good moments with her whenever she tried some evil scheme. Sure you had to stop it, but it was almost like a rivalry sort of thing at one point. But then that day came and….you were sad. Hell, you still make sure her car is kept in perfect working order to this day.

You held back a tear and hugged onto your precious daughter.

"Daddy? Is something wrong?" She could sense you were suddenly sad about something. "It's not mommy bringing you doom, is it?"

"No...Jewely. My little princess. You take care of Chryssy, ok?" The doll, it did look a lot like her. How odd….Probably just Discord...

"I will! You don't need to cry, Daddy. She's already my bestest friend!" She says cheerfully.

That nearly made you choke. "I'm glad...well, you get a good sleep too, Jewely. And I'll see you all tomorrow. I love you all."

Crown Jewel jumps into her bed and hugs her doll tightly as all three of your children bid you a good night.

You walk out of their room, and dim the light. Looking to all of them. They were great children, and you loved them.

You made your way to your bed chambers, greeting the maids respectfully as you passed by. Heh, this manor. It was as nice as Mr.Rich’s place. From the chandeliers to the sturdy well painted walls. To the beautiful flora in the flower pots to all the neat antiques. And it was all yours.

You then reached your bedroom. And there, asleep and tired from work, was your beautiful wife, Diamond Tiara. fully grown, sexy, and very nice mare that was probably going to murder you eventually.

Yeah, you married her alright. Her affection for you never died, even to this day.

Of course, some of that rough and richly self became more prominent after marriage. Pushing you into things you didn't want to do or giving you lip when you tried to argue her on something.

But, she also became the main money maker of the family. Taking over her father's business, Barnyard Bargains, and its affiliates.

You? Welp, no magic in the world could get you to be as successful as any Rich. Though, you were able to pull in some revenue yourself by selling powerfully and magically sturdy safes in Canterlot. Them rich ponies did like making sure their assets were secure.

Hell, the only real big mistake you made was introducing Monopoly to the ponies. Not only was that a financial disaster, but Twilight herself had to step in due to sudden friendship issues. So much so that you feared introducing Mario Party would have ended Equestria as you knew it.

But despite your mistakes, she loved you just the same. And as long as you were the heroic and strong stallion she married, she'd always love you, and adore you.

You slowly got into bed and cuddled into her.

Poor girl, she was all strung out and tired. you could feel it.

You just hugged into her close, kept her warm, and whispered to her that you’d always keep her safe. She always loves that. And best of all, sometimes she didn’t mind you getting a little….sexual, even when she was asleep. She, oddly enough, was a little into waking up to you for a little ‘R&R’, she found it exciting. Of course, you also wanted to get a little fun in before she found out your ‘cursing’ mistake and banned you to the couch for a year….or worse.

Of course...

It being you

Nothing could ever go your way.

Just as you tried to get a little raunchy and get in a few pokes of her plot.

Discord, in a giant hot air balloon, bursts through your wall. Waking your wife and surprising you. "ANON! DIAMOND! OH MY PRECIOUS KIN! THERE'S AN EMERGENCY!" He yelled as he frantically waved to the both of you.

GODFUCKING "DISCORD! DISCORD! THAT WAS OUR WALL! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN....DO YOU...WHY?!" You couldn't even come up with words for him.

Diamond did a small stretch, and yawned as she calmed down from Discord’s entrance."....six thousand bits, Dadcord....plus one hundred more for waking me up.." Diamond however, was much more used to this ridiculousness. Or as long as Discord paid up for any destruction he causes whenever he fucking decides to be retarded. And of course, he just smirked and tossed a bag of bits onto the bed.

You just groan as you look to your wife. "Really? You're just going to indulge him like that?"

"Anon, I love our Dadcord. But it's not like we can stop him. The most we can do is charge him for it. Oh also, Dadcord" She looks to him with a very serious face "Since you're here, did you get it?"

"Ohhh! yes, yes I did!" Discord smiled jovially has he snapped his talons, making a beautiful princess tiara appear and float in front of Diamond Tiara. It made her smile a warm smile.

"..Look at it,Anon, it's more beautiful than I could have ever hoped. It's going to make Crown Jewel so happy. Don't you think?" She turned to you with a hopeful smile.

"What about the wall?" You ask, you didn’t want to sleep with a cold draft coming into the room.

Diamond Tiara nudges into you hard as she gives you a scrunchy grump face.

You sigh "Ok ok, I admit. It's beautiful. And I know Jewely will love it."

You sigh again, and then look to Discord "So what's the emergency?"

"Ah yes, that, weeeelllll. It seems somepony under your employ let one of the flowers from the seeds Fluttershy had given you die in the field. A grievous crime indeed!"


You, and even Diamond Tiara just glare at him.

Discord smile becomes more sheepish as he starts to have the balloon slowly move the opposite direction and out of the house "Well, it seems that perhaps that wasn't too much of an emergency. Anyway, I did my job here. Pleasant dreams, everypony! I'm off to ADVENTURE!" Discord said as a pair of pilot's goggles and a scarf appeared on him. He then floated away into the distance.

"Yeah...I knew he wouldn't fix our wall." Dammit...

"I know. Still..." Diamond smiled as she looked at the tiara,and then carefully put it away before cuddling into you "He's the greatest Draconedad anypony could ever have"

You chuckle at that "I prefer Dadonequus"

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