• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

  • ...
66
 2,803
 10,516

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 108

Discord once again works his teleportation magic. Sending you and him back to his house. Into your room.


Upon arriving, you didn't take the time to take in your surroundings. You were just angry at the whole situation. "Argh, dammit! Why does Fluttershy have to do that! I can't even get the nerve to just… egh… ugh"


You sigh at the futility of your anger. Fluttershy had successfully deterred you shoving Twilight's "perfection" right up her own ass. Even if you did get what you wanted, what would it do? Eh, you at least would have made her feel how you felt right then and there. You had serious doubts that Twilight had never felt the true terror and despair you have felt back on earth… and on that moment. THAT moment was just as bad as anything from your old world. It would have been… a learning experience for her.


But now there was no real point. What's worse, Fluttershy wanted you to spend an entire day with her. That was not only going to be incredibly awkward, but you could only imagine it being you and Twilight not even really talking to each other because of what happened. Aside from the talk of changelings. You wondered how round 2 of that was going to go.


Then there was the party. WHO KNOWS how that's going to go. You felt that you needed to balance and focus your thoughts. "Ok..ok, maybe this won't be so bad. Twilight's obviously had a bad night because of what she did. But, ugh..."


You look up at Discord, who was busy reading the paper that was under Twilight when she had her head on the cutie map. "Discord, what do you think? Do you think I'm overreacting? I mean, you said yourself, she could have banished me forever."


Discord put on reading glasses he obviously didn't need as he answered you, his gaze never leaving the paper. " I think it's fine. A little on the melodramatic. But I don't see why she doesn't deserve an actual punishment. Look at Luna. A little bit of a hostile takeover and..." Suddenly, the whole house shakes, knocking you to your side. "Boom! Bang! Straight to the moon. And do I even need to mention locking poor innocent little me in a statue?"


"Ogh, was that you? You didn't… have… woah.." As you stood back up, you had realized you were in your room. And, IT WAS your room. The goop was cleaned. Everything was put back to it's place. The only thing missing was what was blasted off the dresser. Namely your alarm clock and the picture with Chrysalis.


You know Chrysalis said the room would be cleaned up. But, it was cleaned to near perfection. She actually kept her word. Though no doubt she actually had her changelings do it. "...they actually fixed my room."


"Hmmm?" Discord just shifted his eyes a little bit, then went back to reading "Seems they did, hrnnn"


Broken from your train of thought, you look over to the paper Discord was reading. "What's that? Is it the invitation letter? Didn't you already read that?"


"What this? Oh no no, This belongs to Twilight"


"You stole her invitation?" That seemed off to you, considering you were sure she wasn't even going to be there. And even if she was. Stealing the invitation wouldn't do anything to help the situation. Pinkie would just let her in anyway.


"Invitation? Oh no no, this is Twilight's letter of resignation"

Woah, WOAH WHAT?!


"W-what? You mean...from being a princess?" You cringed, You were super pissed at her. But, that's a little much. Especially when Equestria usually relies on her and the mane 6 for saving. "Discord… that's… a little too much man."


"Whatever do you mean Anon? I think it's great in all actuality" Discord chuckled evilly


Were you mad at her? Yes. Did you want her to suffer a little? Yep. Did you want her to feel how you felt? Did you want to her to see that being "smart" and "observant" doesn't constitute trying to send you to pony hell? Yes. Did you want her to step down from being a princess? No.


As stupid as the position of "Princess of Friendship" sounded. You knew just by watching the show that Equestria always had this "power creep" thing going on. And you doubted she had stepped down from being a princess anywhere in the current season. If she stepped down, what does that mean when the season finale villain shows up? What if Starlight Glimmer is working for what’s his face? The guy who made those eight items. Shit could go bad.


"Discord… She can't step down. I know I'm mad at her. But Equestria is usually SAVED by her… in ways. You know. She usually figures the shit out in the end. This is really bad"


"Well, she is" Discord poofs away the letter "And I think it makes everything that much easier for the both of us."


You narrow your eyes at Discord. "...Don't tell me you've been waiting for her to step down just so you could reveal that you were rusing everyone so you could take over Equestria."


...Oohh shit. Discord smiled joyously at those words, grinning as he rubbed his chin "That does sound like an excellent idea. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut… no" Discord presented the paper to you "It just means I don't have to keep up appearances with her anymore."


What huh? You look at the letter. It wasn't from being a princess… it was from being a social worker. You fall over. "...you did that on purpose" You weren't even yelling, you were in a strange mixture of irritation and relief.


"I did, didn't I?" Discord chuckled as he poofed the paper away "Just goes to show that you're not as angry at her as you thought. I figured as much."


You don't even snap at him. You just lay there. Annoyed "...Hey..you do know I was really actually upset when she did that to me right?"


"As was I when I found out about it, but now that time has passed, I've had time to think it over… namely after Fluttershy had requested you spend a day with her. What you want to do with Twilight from here on out is totally up to you as long as you stay within the prerequisites of the plan. I'm not even going to give you any advice or suggestions. This is your business. You handle it as you wish."


That was… really weird to hear out of Discord. But, it was also. Kind of mature of him to let you handle it without his meddling… well, as long as he doesn't actually meddle.


You don't answer him, instead thinking again. Twilight was… well, she didn't sleep. And she even made an attempt to start right there and then before falling on her face.


.....


You put your hoof to your face and shake your head. "Ugh… fine. I guess I actually can forgive her. But just this once… If she tries this shit again, that's it. Over and done with."


"That sounds fair. Now..." Discord turns over to you "Do you mind telling me WHY they fixed your room?”


That was easy, nothing you felt you needed to hide. "Me and Chrysalis sort of came to this understanding."


"Oh ho. An understanding you say? Now that's interesting because last I checked, she wanted you dead. A pity, you both didn't get to experience my little surprise."


...Oh… He must have meant when you she attacked you, and you attacked that changeling. "...eh, no. We did fight. And… well, it was kind of pointless. I'm just going to guess you put some anti-kill enchantment on us, right?"


"Close, My spell is only effective inside my home. Reason being is this is the central home of ALL things chaos. Remember, my powers only work on you for a limited time unless I am constantly channeling my magic through you. So, using my home as a special beacon. It spreads the spell among all its occupants to make sure nopony has to accidentally kick the bucket… ahh… but I digress. I'm still intrigued about this whole Chrysalis business. How did you manage to get on friendly terms with her?"


"It was easy, once we realized we couldn't kill each other. it was all diplomacy. And.."


Discord interrupts you. "And that's why you talked changelings with Twilight. I had a feeling that might of been the case. But I didn't know to what degree. Anon, are you actually aware of what you are doing?"


Discord was showing worry and concern over the subject, which you found… a little hypocritical. "What do you mean by that? What? Do you have a problem with it? That's kinda weird considering you are going to make her my sister. I don't even have to mention the nanny thing"


"That, Anon, is all in the name of fun. I never planned on ever unleashing the changelings into Equestria. That's insane. Relatively speaking of course."


"Discord, can I ask you something?" Since you were going to have this chat with Twilight, you might as well have this chat with Discord too. You knew he wouldn't banish you. But, considering his own past villainy. You wondered his thoughts.


"I don't even have to know what you want to ask. You want to know about my thoughts about changelings and their situation when it comes to their relationship with ponies, their feeding methods, bla bla… correct?"


You nod. "Yeah, you've been around a long time. More than Twilight. So please, I want serious answers. Do you think the changelings and ponies could coexist? Because the way Chrysalis tells it, and well, the way Twilight reacted. It looks like the ponies are pretty unreasonable about the whole thing."


"Anon, the changelings themselves are merely drones. They are capable of individual thought yes. In fact, they all have different personalities just like any other pony would. But they all still unquestionably follow their queen. And I don't know if you've noticed, but she's very good at manipulating the situation into her favor."


"So, what you're saying is all of them are evil because their queen is evil?"


"Yes, and I'm also saying that there's no doubt that Chrysalis is trying to manipulate you… I don't know why. It's not as if you can do anything for her. But I'm just making an observation."


...but, that wasn't true.


"Woah, woah, woah. hold on. What about the changeling at cranky doodle's wedding?"


"The what now?" Discord was confused.


...No, you knew that was canon. If Bon Bon being secretive was a thing. Then that wedding happened… and at that wedding was a changeling. Who everyone knew was there, and despite that, nobody did anything about him. Hell, the princesses were there too. The only ones who weren't there was the mane 6.


"You know, that donkey from season two? That Pinkie annoyed the hell out of, and then sort of fixed his life by revealing she knew Matilda"


"Ohhhhhhh, right right. Him. I didn't watch all the episodes mind you, so… hrn. There was a changeling there? Odd, what did Twilight think?"


Woah… You knew something about the show… or namely, Equestria's going ons, that he didn't know. And what's more, it didn't fit in with his opinion. "She wasn't there."


Discord raised his eyebrow "She's always there. What, are you going to tell me she wasn't going to show up when a changeling crashes a wedding?"


"Actually, he was invited. Also Celestia and Luna was there too. Just… not the mane six. They were busy fighting this bugbear… thing."


Discord could barely believe it. "Indeed? Well then, seems I wasn't wrong when I suggested talking to Celestia about this whole changeling business. But, hrnnnn........." Discord started stroking his beard, he couldn't come up with another answer, it looked like you stumped Discord. "Hrnnnnnn… Then I suppose changelings can act on their own whether Chryssi wills it or not." Discord smirked "...oh gee, I hope that doesn't come back to bite her or anything"


What? "What do you mean by that?"


"Oh, you know, the collapse of kingdoms is indeed a repeating event in history, no matter what dimension you're in."


"...and that means?"


"I can't say. I don't want to say a thing further on the subject until it actually happens. If it happens. And before you mention anything. No, I won't actively be participating on what you'll maybe eventually figure out. It's just something that will just… happen. As for my further thoughts on the changelings. I must say I am surprised that there's at least one changeling capable of being invited to a wedding without being chased out. But that doesn't change my opinion on their queen."


"Discord, look. That I can get. Chrysalis, at least for her only appearance in the show, is evil. Buuuuuuut. considering their only food source is love. It would sort of force her to try to forcibly take it if the ponies weren't willing to negotiate some sort of, I dunno, truce or something. Maybe she started out as neutral, or maybe she didn't know that draining love would cause the ponies to hate her. And you know. One thing leads to another, and she becomes evil, and cruel. That makes sense, right? Considering how quick you turned, maybe she just needed a pony friend that understood her. Like you did."


Discord started to understand what was going on. "Aha… I see, you want to reform Chrysalis."


You… sorta did. You didn't know. She COULD be tricking you. But… maybe not. You were giving her the benefit of the doubt. "Kinda, I want to understand the situation first. Then maybe try to get her to be good. Discord, you were a bad guy too until you felt that feeling in your heart."


"Yes, I like to call that the "Fluttershy Effect". The heart, twisting itself painfully at the mere thought of losing somepony that cared about you, and even made a promise that could doom her world, over a little thing as turning a lake to ice. It's enough to wreck a lesser pony. But, I'm sure you know how that feels"


You did. And really, maybe that was a good thing. Fluttershy's unconditional kindness kept you from doing something possibly stupid and edgy. You nod. "Yeah, and that's why I think, if done properly, that it might be possible to reform her, as long as she wants to try. She just needs a pony that can tolerate her, and could resist that whole love drain thing. It's going to be tough. But, I think, I think I could do it. With your help of course."


"Me? oh no no no, if you want to try. Then that's your business. I still plan to proceed with my plans without this reform nonsense. But I do wish you good luck. Despite it being a foolish endeavor"


"Well, even if it's foolish. She kept her word about getting my room cleaned up. And I'm willing to give her a shot… within reason"


"And how do you plan to handle this when I inevitably make her your sister? Because as I said, I don't want any part in this. Except for the front seat ticket for when it inevitably blows up in your face."

Yeesh, he had no confidence in you for this. Or maybe, he was trying to protect you in his own way from making a stupid mistake.


Either way, if he didn't know about the changeling at the wedding. Then, you can't count on him being right about Chrysalis… Also, you should find out if that changeling was among the hive when it got sealed up and then brought here.


You just nod at Discord, accepting the challenge. And hoping. That if somehow you're stupid enough to be caught in a trap set by Chrysalis… that hopefully he could fix it. "That's fine. I even know she's still going to tease me. And that's fine too. Because If I can deal with it from you, I can deal with it from her… And speaking of dealing with… uhh, how are they going to survive here without a food source?"


"Hrn? Oh, I took care of that yesterday."


Hrn? "Really? was that the reason you were gone for so long?"


Discord nodded "Yes, you see. I needed to see my friend, The Smooze."


"The green goopy guy? Why?"


"Simple. You see, Smoozy is quite the little soup of emotions. In fact, there are times that when he's feeling a strong enough emotion. He'll change into a purplish color. And anything he comes into contact with will feel the same emotion he is feeling."


Wait a second… that sounded familiar. "Wait, woah woah woah. Hold on. You mean, he becomes like the G1 Smooze?"


"G1 Smooze? Hrn… Ahh yes, I forget that there were "Generations" of Equestria. Though, those are actually just other dimensions as well. Dimensions I've never bothered with. Would you care to explain?"


"Yeah, in G1, these crazy witches unleashed the smooze, which, by the way. Was fucking huge as hell. It took over all of Equ..." no, it was called Ponyland. But, given the whole dimensional thing. "It covered that version of Equestria in itself. But any pony that got covered in the smooze became cranky and mean."


Discord nodded "Then it is like that. Although, the sample I took from ole Smoozy won't be touching anything. It is merely an unlimited food source of love so I won't have to clean up my basement later. It's not perfect either, but food is food I suppose."


You were interested on how that worked. Or how it even produced love. You knew that "The Smooze" in this universe wasn't evil. And, was just a child like slime thing. "How can they take love from it? Wouldn't you have to smother something with the slime for it to feel the effects?"


Discord nodded "Not necessarily, no matter how far you separate a piece of the smooze. It will always be a part of him, and therefore it is as good as any living being. All I had to do was give him a collection of Pinkie Pie dolls and he just turned purple with happiness. There's some love in there too, and since it's of an unlimited amount. Enough to feed an entire hive."


Hold on, if that's all he had to do. Then what took him so long? "Then why were you gone all day if all you had to do was give him Pinkie Dolls?"


"...He also wanted to dance. To about thirty songs" Discord then snapped at you, with a growl. "Look, I don't have to explain to you what I do with my time. I am supposed to be the father. And therefore all I have to say to you is that it's "none of your business" "


You chuckle. "Then you probably shouldn't have told me that you danced with him. You went through that trouble just so the changelings wouldn't suffer. Are you sure you mean what you said about them?"


Discord nods "Well, considering I had no idea about the whole wedding thing. No, but I still stand by what I said about their queen… And Anon" Discord looks at you, he was looking at you with all the seriousness he could muster, he even put his paw right on your shoulder "I won't stop you from trying reform her, but don't let her fool you either. Unlike me, she won't be doing it for the fun of it. And I don't want to lose my partner because he suddenly decided to be an idiot"


You've never seen Discord on such a consecutive streak of actually caring about you. You never thought you'd have to reassure him on anything either. He was usually on the ball with most things. But this, it did make you feel a little doubt. But, if you didn't try. Who would? Things were not as black and white as you previously thought. Though, you should have realized that with the fact that he himself had been reformed.


No, if you just proceeded carefully. Then you were sure you could do it. If Fluttershy could do it. Then you can do it.


You wink at Discord. "Hey, no sweat. Friendship is Magic remember?"


"Ha! You've got me there Anon, you certainly got me there." Discord chuckles for just a moment, then immediately goes back to his stern hard look. "But cut that out, I'm being serious. And since you want to put an emphasis on friendship and reformation. Then I'm going to ask you to promise me one thing… as a friend."


Geez, the tension. This was unexpectedly heavy. You were actually hoping for Discord to pull off one of his pranks. But..a promise as a friend? You could do that. You owed him so much. So a promise? Yeah, totally doable. "What is it?"


He hesitated at first. Then… finally, he said it "Anon, if you manage this. This whole, reformation thing. Then you have to promise me that you'll...." He stopped. It must be pretty hard for him to say. Was he afraid you were going to be fooled and die or something?


"Discord, whatever it is. You can tell me. We're buddies"


Discord sighed heavily, he looked really down on what he was about to say. "Ok… then, just promise me you'll… make her say "Friendship is Magic". And I mean in front of the whole town. And you get me to hear it so I could snap a photo."


...Ugh… Even though you were hoping for a joke. You somehow STILL felt annoyed. Even if it was amusing. "...are you serious? I thought you were going to tell me not to get killed or something."


Discord rolled his eyes "I'm not worried about that. Why would I be? While my spell only works in the house, she's going to be in a much weaker form when she's out and about. So there's nothing to worry about. No, I just want the satisfaction of her admitting that friendship is magic just like I did. Then I'm going to use it as my very own white noise so I can raise my mood for those more chilling nights."


That was ok, what he did was his own business, just like he was letting you do your own. But... "That's fine, just… don't openly gloat when she does admit it. I don't want to give her a reason to relapse in any way."


"All I can give you is a maybe. In anycase, This chat has gotten a little on the boring side and we do have a party to get ready for. That includes finding a gift for you that won't cause any commotion. Terrible I know, but such is the burden of being a father. Do you have anything else to say before I go?"


Did you? Oh wait… You had one. "Erm, you're not going to just… throw Chrysalis at me out of nowhere. Right?"


Discord chuckled at that "What? didn't you want to reform her?"


You cringed, you did say that but… revealing her as your sister at a party is… a little much. "Ye-yeah… but, you know. Everyone is going to be there. And I think it'd ruin the mood of the party if she just… you know… came up."


"Oh please, you know they'd all be ecstatic and find it awe inspiring that your "long lost sister" finally found you"


He's right. They would be. And if Twilight did come… somehow. She wouldn't dare point her hoof at Chrysalis being well… Chrysalis. Not after all that shit. "Come on, I know you're the spirit of chaos. But, just do me this solid and don't spring her on me on the party. Ok?"


Discord rolled his eyes "Very well, but on the condition that I can introduce her at any time that I wish thereafter. And I will not negotiate"


Not very reassuring. But as long as he brought her out at a point where it'd be easier to accept and explain. You'd be fine. Because a party would completely kill the mood. "Alright, I agree, Just not the party… got it?"


Discord nods "Got it"


"really?"


"Yes, really?"


"Pinkie Promise?"


Discord's grin turned slightly evil "Oh, no no. Not this time. The way I see it, you could relapse at any time and be angry for some silly stupid reason. So I'm just going to leave it at that, and let your mind be preoccupied with the possibility of happily reuniting with your sister."


GODDAMMIT! WHY DOES HE ALWAYS DO THIS! "Dammit Discord! I thought we were buddies!"


"We are buddies, don't try to turn this around with that. You know it won't work. I'm not Fluttershy."


You point your hoof at Discord, annoyed with him. "If I'm your friend, then you'd do the friendly thing and..." Discord poofed away before you could finish your sentence "...Pinkie Promise… ugh… why do I even bother sometimes..."

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!