• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 66

You walked over to the schoolhouse. You were pretty much the last pony there. You take one look back before going inside. Discord throwing you a final wave. Fluttershy just standing there, smiling.

Ok… Here we go... No problemo Anon, you got this. You went inside and… hold on… this wasn't the setup you were used to. The desks were all put aside in favor of round tables. sitting beside each table was groups of three fillies and colts. Aside from SS and DT… and Snips and Snails. Only forming a pair.

In the middle of each table… was some kind of project. Each different. The CMC seem to be working on some giant chart. Filled with Cutie Marks of all kinds. DT and SS's table had unfinished plaster models… of, you think, the princesses? Snips and Snails was just making one model… but you couldn't make it out. It was being made of clay, and looked terrible. The rest of the projects were varied as well. You could also recognize a few of the background colts and fillies, such as Twist.
And at her desk, with a smile as she overlooks everyone. Was Cheerilee… Welp, it seems you came to school in the middle of some project week or something. Given the progress some of these things have. It's obvious they didn't just start building them in seconds.

Some of the children started looking at you, murmuring. You didn't hear the school bell, so school couldn't have started just yet. They weren't doing anything with what was on the tables. Cheerilee looked over to you, and greeted you with a warm, welcoming smile "Good morning Anon, we are about to start, so please. Choose any seat you want. And I'll get you situated when class starts."

Seems you weren't late after all. Or maybe close to it since you were the last to arrive. You turn around, you see Diamond Tiara looking at you, it looks like she's about to raise her hoof to call you over until...

"Quick Anon! come sit with us!" Applebloom calls to you.

"Yeah! Maybe we can talk about another way of getting your Cutie Mark befo-"

Scootaloo couldn't even finish her sentence as the bell atop the schoolhouse rung. Who rung it? You'll never know. But you decide to sit next to your Cutie Mark compadre's. Despite getting their mark, they were still on that crusade… of getting you one of course.

You sit down next to them, you don't even really notice Diamond Tiara getting miffed that you didn't sit with her. Though with school officially started. Everyone in the room grew quiet. And remembering your school etiquette. You kept your mouth shut too.

"Good morning class" Cherilee said in a cheerful tone as she stood up to greet her students.

"Good morning Miss Cherilee" They all called out… except you… fuck, you should have greeted her. Fuck… you weren't ready!

"Today we have a new student in our class. Anon, would you like to come up and introduce yourself to your new classmates, maybe talk a little about yourself?"

No problem. easy peasy. You give a simple nod to Cheerilee as you silently stand up, and go to her desk to address your new classmates. You take notice of poor pipsqueak, who as to stretch a little to look over his fellow classmates.

You clear your throat. "Hello everypony… I'm Anon, ummm, I was adopted by Discord an-"

At the moment, some of the class erupts, in surprise. All speaking at once. It seems a few had not heard of you. Snips yells out loud "See, I told ya he was Discord's kid!"

"Calm down everypony, if you have any questions. Please save them for when Anon is finished." Cheerilee tried to settle the class down.

But the class wouldn't be quiet. You couldn't even hear what they were saying. But you take a look over to SS and DT's table. Silver Spoon was looking at her friend worryingly, Diamond Tiara looked like she was going to-...oh shit.

"SHUT UP AND LET ANON TALK!" Diamond bellowed out

The room fell quiet. You look upon your ascended crusader friends. They looked damned surprised.

"Ahrmm, thank you Diamond Tiara." Cheerilee said, amazed that the class just halted at her screech "But, please, let's not use such harsh words… Anon, do you want to continue?"

"Yeah… I mean. I just want to let everypony know who I am."

"Alright.." Cheerilee turns to her class, and gives them a scary glare "And I hope you all will mind your manners."

They stayed quiet. Diamond Tiara seemed pretty pleased with herself.

"Umm..anyway. I am Discord's son. He's a pretty cool guy. Feeds me, shows me some cool stuff. As for me, I'm an easy going guy. I find magic pretty cool despite me not being able to do it myself. And uhhh… I guess that’s it. It's nice to meet all of you."

Cheerilee took a breath. No interruptions so far. "Anon, do you want to answer any questions before we begin?"

You shrug "Yeah, I'll answer a few."

Cheerilee looks upon her class "Now remember class, Like we've done before with every new student. Raise your hoof and if Anon picks you, you can ask your question. After a few, we'll continue with our projects."

And thus… it began. Snips and Snails seemed the most eager to raise their hooves first. They obviously wanted something answered.

"You guys… Snips and Snails I think.." You think? Ha, way to act ignorant.

They whispered to each other, it seemed they didn't work out a question yet. Then, it seemed they decided on something. And Snips asks the question. "Yeah, that's us! Umm, we got a question. How exactly did you beat up those two bad guys? What moves did you use?"

Oh, they were… they were still on that. You notice the class start to whisper to each other again.

"Snips! I'm not going to allow that question. You shouldn't be trying to learn how to do violent things" Cheerilee called out

"Awww, we just want to know how to beat up bad guys! Coooooome onnnnnn!"

Cheerilee shook her head "You two shouldn't even be looking for bad guys. It's nothing but trouble, and if something did happen to you two… what would your parents think?"

You notice both Snips and Snails slowly duck into their chairs; Both apologizing for the question they formed. Good… you don't think Cheerilee would have appreciated the answer you had to give if you did get a chance to say it.

"Does anypony else have a question NOT related to those two criminals?" Cheerilee asked.

You notice a pony filly raising her hoof at the same time as Diamond Tiara. But, you actually don't notice Diamond Tiara raise her hoof. So you call onto that pony instead.

The filly looked to you and asked "What's it like living with Discord? I heard he's becoming a really good guy… but I dunno… he's really scary."

Well..that's a good question. "Umm, it's weird at times. But he treats me pretty good. The food he gives me is pretty amazing. I have my own room. And sometimes we go out and do things together."

"What kinds of things?" Ohhh… what kinds of things she asks… what kinds of things. You now wondered if busting out that photo was a good idea. It probably isn't… but it would be hilarious.

No, you decide to to tell another tale instead. To raise Discord's standing even further.

"Well, we visited Princess Celestia once. It went pretty good. We had tea." And Discord got buttblasted...damn...it seems like it's been awhile since that day.

The students seemed to react favorably to that. They probably thought that an orphan like you getting to meet Celestia was a big big thing.

Cheerilee looked upon her class "Alright, we have time for one more question."

That's when you notice Diamond Tiara raising her hoof… and Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo, among a few others, were raising their hooves too… who to choose… who to choose...

You really didn't know who to choose. You knew… you just knew… Diamond Tiara had a crush on you. All that attention pretty much came from "saving" her life. should you indulge her question? then theres your crusader friends… they probably had a grouped up question. But, whatever, you could tell them outside of class… Uhmm, you know what, fine. You decide to call on Diamond if only not to get her any more riled up in anger. "Uhmm… Diamond Tiara, what do you want to ask?"

You notice a few of the others getting sour that they didn't get picked. Applebloom, more than her other two friends, also seeming a little too miffed than you would have thought.

Diamond Tiara grew a soft happy smile on her face. It's like she won the lottery or something "Anon, what do you think of Ponyville?"

Huh… You expected a different question from that. Like a "Is there anypony your life?" or a follow up on Celestia. But, that was the question she asked… and she seemed eager for an answer.

"Well, it's a pretty great place. Everypony here is friendly and nice. And they make me feel right at home. It's like I was never an orphan."

After that, you look to Cheerilee, for her to say what she wanted to say. But then Diamond Tiara snipes in another question. "So… you never want to leave, like, you'll never want to go and move somewhere else?"

There it was, her assurance that you wouldn't be leaving her in some capacity… But no, you didn't plan on leaving for any reason period. Even though it could be made that you could go anywhere at anytime if Discord willed it. Your home really was here now. "Yeah, I don't really want to go anywhere else."

"Ok, I'm done." Diamond Tiara smiled as happily as she could. Silver Spoon seemed content with that answer as well… given she didn't look miffed. It was safe to say that whatever charm you had didn't actually fall over her. That didn't explain Applebloom's reaction though… probably just a little ticked that you didn't pick her.

Cheerilee nods "Alright class, questions are over. I hope you all help Anon feel welcome here in our classroom" Cheerilee then looks to you "Anon, before you take your seat. You may have noticed our special sitting arrangements."

You nod. "Yeah, everypony is in groups of three. Is that normal?"

Cheerilee shook her head "No, the whole class are working on special projects for the upcoming Friendship Festival! Doesn't that sound great?"

There's that mention again. You can't remember anywhere on the show a mention of a Friendship Festival. This had to be one of those quantum differences, or something… who knows. "Sounds pretty great, but uhh, what exactly is everypony doing?"

"Well, everypony is working together in small groups to make something they want to display in the festival. Every group works together as friends to decide what they want to make, and then work together to make it. It's a three day project, and I'm sorry to say. We are already on day two. But we do have two groups that could use a third pony. So you'd still be a big help."

Well, that sounded sensible. It was a teamwork exercise. Basically making compromises and agreements. But… if it was groups of three then...

You look over to the groups. There was only two open groups… Snips and Snails. And Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Shiiiiiieeeeeet. "So, I have to choose?"

Cheerilee nodded "Mhmmm, but don't worry Anon. Everypony here is friendly. And I think you already know everypony in the open groups. So choose the one you feel most comfortable with."

Applebloom quickly raised her hoof. Cheerilee takes notice, and calls upon her "Applebloom? oh, is there something you want to ask?"

Appleboom nodded to Cheerilee "Uh huh, can't ya make a special exception? Me, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle made him an official crusader and ah think he should work with us, since, ya know, we're already friends n all"

Cheerilee shook her head "Sorry Applebloom, I'm glad you all are friends but it would be unfair if I gave you a fourth member."

"B-but, if he goes to Snips and Snails or Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Wouldn't that be unfair to them too?"

Cheerilee shook her head. "Whatever group ends up short will have me to help them if they fall behind. That way everything is fair and everypony can finish their projects on time."

"B-but" Applebloom pleaded

"Applebloom, that's enough. I won't explain it again." Cheerilee gave her a stern stare.

Applebloom backed down. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo seemed confused. They started talking amongst themselves but you couldn't hear it. It's like Applebloom made that decision to say those words on her own.

And all the while you noticed Diamond seemed like she wanted to say something. She seemed eager. But the moment Applebloom got shot down, she fell back to a calm state. She didn't have an evil sneer or anything either, she just seemed relieved. The old Diamond Tiara probably would have had some smirk on her face after something like that.

Cheerilee let you have at it. You had a choice of either Snips and Snails or Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Both looked eager to have you. Snips and Snails probably want to know everything about the whole fillynapper thing in detail and learn your "moves". But that would detract from the project. As interesting as it would to hang with Snips and Snails. You didn't want to get a bad grade on your first project… what would Fluttershy say? Would Discord actually care?

You make your choice and take a seat opposite of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. You look at Snips and Snails, who seem agitated with your choice. What's more, you take a glance over at Applebloom. She doesn't seem too pleased with your choice either. Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo seem pretty fine with it. Though they seemed confused why Applebloom suddenly was so down… hell, you were confused.

On the table were uncolored plastered models of all four princesses. You look under the table. there was some assorted little containers of paint that wash off with water. and little paint brushes. You wondered if they were allowed to work outside of school too. You couldn't imagine working with plaster in this environment

Diamond Tiara smiled, a bright happy smile, you were still not used to it. Silver Spoon wasn't as enthusiastic, but she did seem happy enough for you to be there. "Welcome to the group Anon! What do you think of the models so far? Can you tell who they are?" Diamond Tiara looked deeply into your eyes as she spoke, she seemed so hoping you'd get the answer right.

"The princesses right? These are pretty good. You two made these?"

They both nodded. Both looking very prideful of their work.

"We've been working on them for awhile. We've been really focused on making them totally lifelike" Silver Spoon said

"We're allowed to take our projects home as long as we promise not to get any outside help." Diamond Tiara added

"Mr.Rich owns a general store, so we were able to get supplies for free! Then we got photos and art of the princesses and read up instructions on plaster models..." Silver Spoon stopped for a moment, looking to Diamond Tiara to finish up the explanation

But you spoke first. "Woah, so you girls really worked on these by yourselves?" They looked nearly perfect in all actuality. "How'd you do it?"

Diamond Tiara looked really pleased at your curiosity… maybe you should dial it down… oy. "Silver Spoon slept over and we spent all night practicing and practicing , reading and studying, until finally we had four perfect models ready for painting! We don't even need the third day to work on them. We showed them to daddy and he was so proud. He had our work carefully taken back to the schoolhouse by professionals so they wouldn't be ruined."

Wait… "Aren't you not allowed any outside help?"

"We aren't allowed any help on actually making it. But Miss Cheerilee was fine with it if it was just moved back here..." Diamond Tiara yawned "But we had to come really early to get them here before school starts… We actually didn't get much sleep"

Silver Spoon gave Diamond Tiara a poke "Don't fall asleep! We'll get in trouble if Cheerilee sees us sleeping."

Diamond Tiara leans down and grabs the small containers of child safe paint with her teeth and brings them up. They had two brushes on them. Seems they didn't count on a third. "Let's get to work then, that'll keep us awake."

You take notice of the two brushes. Diamond Tiara also brings up a sheet with color codes for each of the models. each of the colors ordered under the name of each princess. "Umm, there's only two brushes. What am I supposed to do?"

As you asked, you took a look at the crusaders again. They seemed hard at work looking at photos of their own. by the looks of it. They were taking pictures of ponie's flanks and making drawings of each of their cutie marks on a gigantic paper board. Applebloom seemed fine now too. Seemed she was preoccupied with the work.

"Well, I actually have all the colors for each of the models memorized. And I don't want Miss Cheerilee thinking you aren't doing anything. I can help direct you" Diamond said as she looked at you with ever growing dreamy eyes

Hmm, you couldn't really complain. They did work hard in even getting these ready. Painting them should be pretty easy.

"Sure, it might be fun actually. Let me just… huh? Ngh..." You tried grabbing onto the brush with your hooves. But, it was too thin… IT WAS TOO THIN.

"Anon? what are you doing?" Silver Spoon asked, she was confused as to why you were trying to grab the brush.

"U-uhhmm..just trying to pick up this brush...having a little trouble."

Diamond Tiara, upon hearing this, picks up the brush by the middle with her mouth, enough for the end to jut out, and holds it towards you. Gesturing at you.

Oh no… ohh… nooooo… nonononono....nonononononononono...

Silver Spoon pointed to the brush "Anon, haven't you ever used a brush before? It's like using a pencil."

You didn't know if Silver Spoon was ignorant or not of what was going on, but you could see in Diamond Tiara's eyes. She was looking up at you with innocent, love filled eyes. She wanted you to take the brush… with your mouth… from her mouth.

Oh… good god… ok, ok, this is easy… really easy. Just… grab it with the edge of your teeth. and pull, you don't have to make any contact.

You slowly bring your mouth close to hers, and try to edge your teeth to the edge of the brush...

And… here… we… go.

You reach for the brush ever so slowly with your mouth. And the moment you go to bite it. Diamond Tiara moves her head just enough for you to press your lips to her cheek as you take the brush.

You gulp, almost taking the brush with you as she leans backwards, blushing, smiling.

Silver Spoon is just confused on the whole thing "Ummm… is something the matter?"

Diamond Tiara leaned forward and put her hoof to her mouth and yawned "O-oh, sorry… I must have been falling asleep again. Are we all ready to get started?" That little sneak

Silver Spoon nodded "Ready!"

You didn't speak, you didn't even nod, you didn't even know how to use the brush. and you knew Diamond was full of shit. She did that on purpose. And what's worse, you didn't actually hate it… stupid natural male reactions… stupid biology!

But no… that wasn't the worst of it. As you looked around the room, to see if anyone noticed. You only notice one who did… Applebloom. And the moment you looked at her, she ducked back down to her work. No… nooo… no..nonononononono no… fucking way. That had to be a coincidence. She probably just thought it was weird. that's all. THAT'S ALL...

CRAP… you couldn't even leave or walk out. you were in class… FUCK. FUCK… STUPID FUCKING SCHOOL!

"Are you both alright?" Silver Spoon noticed you were subtly bugging out and Diamond Tiara was blushing.

"I'm just tired, I got less sleep than you did Silver Spoon. Come on, calm down"

You put the brush down onto the table so you can speak. "Yeah me too… I… didn't get much sleep either… you know, have to adjust my whole sleep schedule."

"Well, if you both say so. I was just worried, well, umm, let's get started then." Silver Spoon was utterly oblivious to what was going on.

And so the painting began. Silver Spoon took Celestia and Luna as you took Twilight and Cadence. And while Silver Spoon had to look at the color code on each section of the models. Diamond Tiara led you through the other two without so much as a glance.

But you yourself, this was hard. You've never painted with your mouth before. You kept getting the wrong spots. And even though you sucked at this, Diamond Tiara kept her cool. She would lick her hoof to wipe off any of the mistakes. And kept letting you retry again and again and again without ever getting upset at you, She did her best to word you through it, but hell if this wasn't tricky. Even as you got better, you had trouble reaching the tougher spots of Twilight's mane or Cadence's tail.

Silver Spoon was making much better progress than you. She eyed you a few times. She was a little weirded out that you were pretty incapable with a brush. But it wasn't just that. You had things on your mind. Applebloom's reactions. Diamond Tiara's crush on you. It all seemed pretty loony.

Miss Cheerilee was occupying herself with Snips and Snails. Showing them how to properly mold the clay to make models the best she could.

Just get it done Anon. Just get the day..

The bell rings mid-thought. OH MAN IT'S OVER! WOOO

Cherilee smiled and made an announcement "Recess Everypony! Now just like yesterday, if you don't want to go outside and play then you can stay and continue to work. But you all must come to that decision as a group. And don't forget to eat!"


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