Dadonequus Discord (Book 1)

by CrazedLaughter

Chapter 265

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Cucumbers!
Old ponies!
And Bears, oh my!

Slide? Rules? Part of the crew? He had to be pissed about something and was just hiding it. Even worse, you were afraid you were going to plus one a roommate. "Discord.Diiscooord...Noooope. Nonono. You can't do this!"

You step up to him, but the first thing he does his point to his captain's hadt while demanding respect "Captain Havocbeard, if you don't mind. We are pirates after all"

...christ.. "Fine, Cap'n..Captain...whatever. You can't make Starlight a permanent resident in your house! Unlike Chrysalis, she has friends who care about her. A home to go back to. She's also not evil. Look, I know I messed up by telling her everything. But don't you think this is going a little far? I mean, the CMC know about the changelings. And Starlight only found out because she's smart and deduced things and stuff. Nopony else is gonna find out. So, let her go. Ok?"

"Anon, you act as if I'm angry at you. I'm not. I expected you'd tell her the secret sooner or later. Unlike the foals, I knew she'd catch on after finding out about our bug problem. Of course..." Discord turns his attention to her "With everything Anon told you, you are aware that gives me free reign to do whatever I want with you should you squeal to any other pony, Right?"

Starlight was feeling frightened by all this. She took a step back as her eyes met his. Everything you told her was becoming more and more true by the moment. To the point that maybe, she rather had just had been ignorant to it. She had heard the stories of the Spirit of Chaos. And she didn't know what he'd do to her now if he was capable of disabling her magic. "H-how could you just say that? I'm my own p-pony, you can't just take my f-freedom away!"

Discord sighed and started rubbing his temples with his talons "I don't want to take your freedom away. I'm just saying that if you become entangled in my plans then you will have no choice but to partake in them."

Starlight wasn't missing a beat. listening to every word closely. She was trying to figure out what the hell he could mean. "What exactly are you talking about then? Are you just saying that you'll just bother me if we happen to cross paths? Is that it?"

"Ding Ding! That is EXACTLY it. Sad my first mate couldn't figure that out. Of course, that only will last as long as you keep quiet. If you do spill our secrets, which I hope you won't, then I will make things.." Discord's voice began to sound darker and eviller as he spoke "Very unpleasant"

He then disappears and appears behind her, grabbing her for a hug as she struggles in his grip "But for now! you're part of the secret club of secret things who gets even more freedom then dear Chryssi! Isn't that nice!" He said in such a joyful and celebratory tone.

He then disappears again, dropping Starlight to the ground as he teleports back to his original spot. But he facing away from the both of you and looking ahead of the ship. "Which is fine because I'm in need of my crew's assistance at this very moment."

As Starlight slowly gets up, dusting herself off,y ou were still trying to figure everything out.
"Hold on then.If you're not mad, then what was with the raging river? Why are we all suddenly pirate themed? And why aren't you worried about anypony else finding out."

"Questions, Questions, so many questions and not enough action!" Discord complains, taking out his telescope and looking forward "If you must know. The river thing was a fluke. I didn't even know you had fallen in until later. And as for your past, as long as everypony just forgets it was a thing then nopony else will find out. As for the pirate theme...." Discord smirks as he turns back to face you, and tosses the telescope towards you. You hadn't realized it until he pointed forward that the boat was back in motion. "We have some loot to plunder"

You look ahead through the telescope.

You could see it. Some blue old unicorn slowly dragging along a cart of...supplies?

At this point. Starlight believed you now, 100 percent. And she was already hating Discord. She couldn't believe the two of you were this close. "So that's it then? This whole thing is a game to you? Look, I don't have time to be playing games. And neither does Anon. We have to get back to Ponyville. We were doing something before you showed up"

"Oh? You mean walking out on him because you couldn't accept that he had a deep secret? It was shocking when you heard it, wasn't it?" Discord gives her a toothy, smug grin and slithers behind her and rubs a single talon gently along her back. "Spine tingling, isn’t it?"

Starlight's entire body shivers as she steps forward away from him and turns around. Getting annoyed with him. "Will you stop? grr...yeah, fine. Yes. The whole thing, now that I know it's true, Is very bizarre. In fact...mnnn" Now that Discord had mentioned it to her, it did actually start to weigh on her mind. "In fact...Anon..I’m sorry"

You stop peering through the telescope and turn over to Starlight. She looked, very troubled. "..Starlight, come on.." You put down the telescope and walk over to her with a gentle smile.
"Like I said, my past was the past. I know....The captain...is acting kinda evil about it. And, ok...it was kinda mean to remind everypony that you were leaving. But, the me you met. The me you slapped after being turned into a filly. the me who helped you handle that whole Sunburst stuff. That's me, that's the real me. C'mon, I know it sounds heavy. But you'll probably never actually have to deal with it since you live so far off. It'll be fine. The me you know is the me that I am."

Starlight stopped, and looked down. How could she argue that? You were honest with her after being dishonest. And you were dishonest because of how the situation was. What could she do now? Storm off because you lied to her before? She knew why now. And she never wanted to hate you in the first place. She was just...hurt. "Alright, I'm calm. I'm cool. I can live with this...but Anon, next time we're alone. I want to know more about this whole human thing....Also.." Starlight also just realized Discord wanted to play fucking pirate "We can't really do what you want us to do right now, I'm sort of on this apology tour thing. I’m serious." Starlight didn't want any part in this.

"Oh don't be a spoiled sport. Applejack is as stubborn as a mule. She'll be chewing on that rope for quite some time before Twilight can convince her otherwise. Come on, it'll be fun. Didn't you used to do bad things or...something? I forget." Discord snatches the telescope and looks back at the old pony "We'll be reaching our target soon."

"..Actually..Cap'n" After looking at the target. It didn't seem very fun. An old guy? Really?..maybe if it was someone more deserving. "I'm with Starlight on this one. Now, I know..I know. I blew the fun on Blueblood. We can still do that one if you want. But this? Really? It's an old pony, what do you even have against him? It doesn't seem like you to pick on an old guy"

Discord chuckles darkly at you "Oh?...really? oh hoho..Dear dear First mate. This…’Old Guy’ DARED to ruin my entire brunch with Fluttershy"

Wut?

Before you could say anything. Starlight spoke first. she had her doubts "That guy? That old guy? Really? How could he ruin your brunch with her? I mean, I remember Fluttershy. She was pretty gentle and sweet. I doubt an old pony would just go out to ruin her brunch."

Discord lets out a dark chuckle "ohohoho...really? Anti-Twilight thinks that an old pony..THAT OLD EVIL LITTLE CODGER!..." Discord let's out with a angry spark before calming down the best he can. He then walks over to the port side of the boat and looks over to the old Unicorn pony. who was using his magic to help with the pulling of the cart. "...Is sweet and innocent? And..Et tu? Anon? Hmm? Oh nonono..." Discord changes the telescope into a sword and spins it around a little "That particular pony has managed to earn my vengeance."

......

This was a moment where both you and Starlight were thinking the same thing. You both just looked at eachother, befuddled by Discord's reaction.

"Uhhhhh,..." You both look back at him, eyebrows raised.

"You want to explain how that happened Cap'n?" He was so full of shit

"Oh? You want to know, hmm? I'll tell you, maybe then you'll help me! It's the least the both of you can do after encountering my good graces despite my current need for revenge. For you see, that pony...." Discord growls "That pony, he stood in front of me and Fluttershy at the produce cart. There were fresh, absolutely delectable cucumbers ready to be bought. And me, wanting to show how much of a good friend I really was, had offered to buy the both of us enough for sandwiches. And yes, this meant without any fancy tricks. But the pony in front of us...HIM! He bought...the entire..STOCK!"

"...So you want revenge because he bought cucumbers fair and square? Why didn't you just go buy some somewhere else? Or..I dunno...use that crazy chaos magic you have." Starlight questioned.

"As I said, I wanted to do this legitimately for Fluttershy's sake. And when I failed. Poor.." Discord started gripping his paw and talons as the thought made him angrier "Poor..poor dear Fluttershy. The loss of the cucumbers made her upset, she cried, she wailed, she gave in to despair. Why, I thought she would fall right there and then. I knew something had to be done! And so..I opted for just robbing that pony in a style most deserving for his ilk"

Woooah wait. No… "...He hurt Fluttershy?..mnnn"

You could feel the rage building in you. Just like with that Chimera.

You loved that yellow horse too much. To know someone hurt her, even some old fuck? That didn't fly.

"Are you serious? She fell apart because somepony bought up a bunch of cucumbers? Is that all she eats?...I dunno, something seems fishy about that story. I doubt she'd break apart that much. Nopony is that wimpy." Starlight comments.

"Oh no, Starlight. Fluttershy is very delicate. There was a time where she fell apart so hard that she took this seminar thing to help her assert herself better and she took it the complete other direction. It's either one side or the other, and..y'know. I think that old pony should have been more considerate." You inform her, nearly as blinded as Discord was for revenge.

Starlight could see it. You looked like you wanted to join in after all. You had mentioned the moments like the battle with RD and Nightmare Night. But seeing it for herself, she could see that at this moment. Your cutie mark matched what was going through your head. "Still...revenge? Did Fluttershy really react like that? Like I said, she didn't seem all that wimpy to me. She's actually the one who tricked me. So, y'know,kinda hard to believe she'd fall apart over some cucumbers."

"But she did! honest!" Discord holds his paw up as a swear "Sure, she may have not shown it, even smiling at me and telling me ‘That's ok Discord, we can have some muffins and hay and wheat sandwiches instead’. But I could see it in her eyes. She was utterly devastated!"

..... Ok, revenge time over. "Ok, just take us back. Discord...seriously? I'll say this, I'll even say this in front of Starlight. You wanna have fun with me and cause some chaos? Fine, it depends, but fine. But that's some old innocent dude. It wouldn't even be fun. Can we just get back to Applejack and Twilight already? You could at least still take joy in the fact that I'm..." You hesitate, if it was one thing you didn't mention...was that "bonus" in beating Twilight. Luckily, your hesitation is so short lived that Starlight doesn't notice "at least doing..something with you later."

"Mutiny. Is it? Captain Havocbe-" Before Discord can finish his sentence. His boat has finally come side by side with the old pony. And the old pony had noticed. Turning to his side and yelling at Discord like a sour old bean.

"HEY! HEY YOU WHIPPERSNAPPER SON OF A BLENDED TURNIP! I REMEMBER YOU! YOU THREW THAT TOMATO AT ME BACK AT THE MARKET! I'LL ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT! DON'T THINK YOU CAN DISRESPECT ME! GRANDFATHER CLOCK! IT'S NOT JUST A NAME YOU KNOW! I'LL CLEAN YER CLOCK FOR MESSING WITH ME!" The old pony yelled.

Holy crap. That old guy sure was spritely.

Discord turned and looked to the side of his ship and yelled back at the old pony. "YOU OLD FOOL! I'M OLDER THAN YOU ARE! AND THOSE CUCUMBERS ARE MINE! I SAW THEM FIRST!"

"WELL I SAW THEM FIRSTER! AND I WAS BEFORE YOU ,YOU MISH MASH WHOZAWHATSIT! IF YOU THINK YER GETTIN' MY CUCUMBERS, THEN YOU GOT ANOTHER THING COMING!"

Discord laughs at him "HA! HAHAHA! I DON'T EVEN NEED MY MAGIC TO TAKE YOU ON YOU OLD FOSSIL! THAT'S WHAT I HAVE MY SHIP AND CREW FOR!"

Starlight rolls her eyes and mumbles under her breath "Oh yeah, real show of power when you expect a four on one against a pony who can barely move"

that makes you giggle, which makes Discord even more angry. "...why you.." Discord then looks back at the old pony "FORGET MY CREW! I'M JUST GOING TO BLAST YOU WITH MY CANNONS AND TAKE WHAT'S MINE!"

"OH YOU THINK SO?! YOU DO? DON'T YOU? YOU DRAGON FACED SON OF A POTATO! HMM? HMMM?! WELL, IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE MY CUCUMBERS! THEN COME ON! I DOUBLE DARE YOU TO TRY!"

.....good lord. "Discord...you threw a goddamn tomato at him because he rightfully bought all the cucumbers with his hard earned money. Just let it go." You tell Discord as he rushes up one of the cannons and aims directly at the old pony.

"...." Starlight looks at you, in utter amazement on Discord's actions. She expected the spirit of chaos to not be THIS petty. "Is he always like this?"

you raise your hoof and shake it side to side "ehhhhh, depends on the situation....Discord." You trot over to the cannon and give it a push to change its aim. "Don't do this..it isn't worth it."

"LISTEN TO THE TALKING BEAR YOU DUMB BEARDED DRAGON! THE CUCUMBERS ARE MINE!" Grandfather Clock yells out

...Bear?!....BEAR?! GODDAMMIT! WHY DO EVERY OLD ASS PONY SEE YOU AS A BEAR?! "I'M NOT A BEAR! LOOK! SEE? HOOVES! HOOVES AND A MANE AND EVERYTHING!" You were sick of that bear shit. Your own petty anger lighting up the moment he called you a bear.

"YOU CAN'T FOOL ME YOU SMELLY BAG OF FUR! NOW UNLESS YER GONNA FIRE THAT THING! I DEMAND THAT YOU LEAVE ME BE SO I CAN GET HOME AND MAKE ME SOME SAMMICHS!SHEESH! WHO KEEPS A STUPID BEAR AS A PET ANYWAY?! THEIR JUST BIG AND MORONIC!" Clock yells

......

You tilt the cannon back in place. Fuck that guy. You weren't gonna take that. You weren't a big dumb bear. "....fire"

"Gladly..." Discord smirks as his faith in you reignites. Enough to light the fuse on the cannon and make it fire it's cannonball right at the old pony's cart.

But the old pony cackles "HA! GOTCHA! THIS IS WHAT YA GET FOR MESSIN WITH A WAR VET YOU PIRATE PRETENDERS!"

The old stallion hops on his cart with a backflip and catches the cannonball in an aura right when it reaches his face. But instead of stopping it with his magic, the cannonball speedily orbits around him and flies back at the ship, punching a hole right into the hull, from portside to starboard.

As the cannonball went through. It caught a certain "Earth pony" with it. Ouch....poor Chrysalis. You were sure she survived that as she screamed “Discord!” all the way to the distance.

wooo....you hoped that wouldn't make the sleepover...less..fun..or something...oh lord. She's gonna be as pissed as a bee, isn't she?

As for the boat, it started to sink. You could hear the old pony cackling in victory as the boat sunk ever lower into the river.

Starlight's horn also sparked for a moment. She could feel her magic returning. "M-my magic! I-it's back!" She was also given a fright from the cannonball punching a hole in the hull.

You and Discord were stunned however, that the old pony could just do that.

"...I can't believe it. He...beat my ship...he beat....us" Discord was near speechless

"....How...about we just pretend it didn't happen?" Your pride was as crushed as his

"...Right...good idea....You just...get back to what you were doing..."

"..Right..."

You step back to Starlight, who, after recovering from the situation. gave you a smirk. "So, that's how things really are, hm? It's kind of funny, seeing it for myself." She giggled "It's kind of cute actually. isn't it, mr.bear?"

.... "...ok ok...fine."

You gruffed before looking back at Discord, you could already feel some water rising up on the deck. "Dis-...Captain? What are you going to do?"

Discord shrugged "Oh..you know, go down with the ship, probably try to find some fish for my aquarium"

"Right, yeah...ok Starlight...ready to go back?"

Starlight let out a small sweet giggle "Alright...hehe, I don't think this is so bad after all. you both make a pretty cute pair"

.... "..ok! sheesh! I get it...can we go?"

Starlight smirked as she looked up to the side "ooookkk, whatever you say"

And so, you both teleported off the ship. The only other thing on your mind was Chrysalis. Even after you appeared back near Applejack's house without the piratey clothes, it wouldn't leave you. She'd no doubt be fine, but dammit..just dammit...you hoped she wouldn't take shit out on you. You also wondered about her wing, and hell, her health in general. Despite the fact she was going to be scary later anyway.

In fact, when you teleported back. You took your saddlebag back from Starlight and got your map. You peered over to where Chrysalis should be. It looked like she was indeed ok, and was already heading back to Ponyville.....sheesh. You'd think she'd go back home to recover. But, if she's deadset on something, then a cannonball doesn't look like it'd stop her.

Comments

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829385
Oh wow, i got an author comment! Sqweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

In all seriousness, I’d probably go gay for Scoots (if i was her age there), get her to fall for me, and just let the sruff flow by naturally without disrupting it. It’d be pretty cool to be in Anon’s position even with everything not bending the way he wants. I’d really enjoy being that young again.

[CrazedLaughter]

8829399
I think we all would (personally, I wouldn't meddle with the changelings at all.

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829405
Eh, screw with them while you can. They get reformed later, so it’s all good.

[CrazedLaughter]

8829408
ahh, but the pain Anon goes through would be more than I could bear if I was him

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829410
True, true he goes through some pretty painful things

[CrazedLaughter]

8829411
Trust me, if you're on chapter 36. You ain't seen nothing yet.

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829417
Uh... im part of the way through 44, and now im scared for Anon

[CrazedLaughter]

8829421
wew, you're blazing through.

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829425
Aww, stop it, youre making me blush

[CrazedLaughter]

8829428
I'm just saying, it just makes me happy people enjoy the story. Especially those who enjoy it that much. Through the good and the bad

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829433
Eh, if im reading this fast(as you seem to see it) and i havent complained about the difficulty of submerging myself in the story, then im liking it.

[CrazedLaughter]

8829435
then so far so good. I'm glad, and thank you.

[luigipwnsall]

3 chapters in 1 day. Amazing. I know this is all already written out but we still got 3 anyway.
and as for discord?

i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/001/107/359/f91.gif

[CrazedLaughter]

8829453

My editor is at the con. And I had nothing better to do

[Ephedianroyalty]

8829497
Reminds me of a hilarious time when I was a freshman in highschool. My friend’s dad thought we were dating, and so when he though the music i was listening to on my headphones was loud enough, he started going over what my friend should do if i gave him certain signals. I didnt even know some of those things till he mentioned them. It led to a pretty interesting afternoon though. Even got my first kiss that night, although I didn’t expect it.

[CrazedLaughter]

8829511

Ha! Sounds like what I'd call an "American Pie" moment with your friend and friend's dad. Welp, time for this guy to hit the hay. Have fun!

[Sunny Starscout]

Lets hope bug butt gets some sweet revenge

[Hein des Nisseroi]

3 chapters in one night? WHAT IS THIS?!

[Kichi]

Are you sick? Maybe you should rest... 3 chapters together... Wait... Does that mean that for 2 days we will not have updates of dadonequs?

[CrazedLaughter]

8829784

no, there will be an update today

[Sunny Starscout]

Oh oh. Could we see more singing in the future? ik anon hates it but still

[RemareShadows]

By Odin's hairy beard. Don't mess with the veterans