• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 148 - The Nightmare Night Arc

"With the Flim Flam brothers going back to Ponyville, I looked into the night horizon. Teleporting to the Crystal Empire was a no go. Had no idea where that place even was. But I could just teleport back home. I didn't know where that place was either, but I knew I could get back to it. I'd wager it's the fact that chaos always knows how to get back home."

"And so I return back to my office back home. Well, it was more like a bedroom more than it was an office. But either way, it was home to me. I straightened my coat and looked at the time on my alarm clock, it would be midnight in another hour. And just like any Cinderella story, I go back to being an ordinary colt at the stroke of twelve. Isn't that just my luck?"

"I set the dial to to the fourth setting. Next stop, Crystal Empire. City of formerly lost crystal ponies. It seemed like only a few years ago that Twilight and her gang managed to stop that no good King Sombra from conquering Equestria. I would have given my badge to see how that looked like in person. But that was in a time where it was all a dream. No use moping about it now that I can forge a new reality"

"But, just as I open the door to leave. I heard my floor door open. I turn around to see if it was dear ole pops. But wouldn't you know it, it was the queen of schemes herself, Chrysalis. What a broad, not the kind of girl you want to give all your love to. As most likely, there wasn't any kind of return policy to speak of."

"Anon...there you are. I've been looking for either you or your fa-....ther....hn. Is there a reason everything is monochrome?"

"Chaos magic baby. Sometimes.,It just does what it wants. What do you want anyway? Sorta busy on a case"

"Busy on a case? Since when did you play dress up?...you know what. Never mind, I'm bored. And since you're here. I was wondering if we could finally watch that documentary you mentioned. I'm curious to see some of your old culture. Yes, I know. That sounds odd. But when you've just sat down watching your darling children put on multiple plays of my conquering of Equestria. You get bored."

"Sorry dollface, like I said. I'm on a case. Got some wrongs to right. But when I get back, maybe I can set something up"

"I felt sorry for the gal. Being stuck here is enough to give anyone some major cabin fever. Though, by my guess, her children are a lot more simple minded and get along fine with it. Must be a real shame being of a higher intelligence sometimes. Also broke my heart that she was a pretty nasty customer, a real femme fatale. Those beautiful emerald eyes we're enough to even give my heart a few extra ticks."

"....oohhhhhh, I get it now. You've cast some sort of spell that made everything into a noire.....cute. And are those your actual thoughts? You are aware that I can hear them, don't you?"

"She was looking at me with one of those seductive smiles of her. the kind of smile that could bring down entire kingdoms. There wasn't enough towels in the world for the kind of feelings I get deep inside when she looks at me like that. The worst part was she could hear all of this, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It was times like these where I wish I had paid just a little more attention to how my horn works."

"hmhmhm....Anon, do I reeealllyyy make you feel that way? Wouldn't you rather cuddle up with me and watch the documentary rather than go out on some silly errand?"

"Every part of my body told me I should. But my heart, what really mattered, told me that I had to set the whole score straight. I knew that'd disappoint her. But if those brothers were telling the truth. Then they we're just as much a victim as any other pony. And I already gave them my word that I'd look into this"

"Sorry sweetheart, I really got somewhere else to be."

"I see....well then"

"And right before my eyes, that crafty queen materialized a large hat with a veil and a feather boa around her neck. even a button up blouse that the high class like to wear. Well, It shouldn't come to any surprise to me really. I knew changelings could make clothes appear on themselves."

"She put herself on my bed and laid on her side. I think she was trying to seduce me. But I couldn't be sure"

"Anon, you're always on the job. It's either one of your "big" cases or some stupid kid losing their pet cat. I come over to your office every night and you never seem to pay attention to me. Alotta nerve for some small time nobody like yourself to ignore a girl like me"

"It's not that I ignore you, it's just that I don't have any time for you. I already gave my word didn't I? Just wait up for me and we can have the rest of the night to ourselves"

"But you allllllways say that. I'm the kind of girl that needs the glitz and the glamour and you ain't giving me either of those things. If you keep this up then I'll just have to settle for that handsome stallion down the street, he knows how to treat me like a queen."

"I couldn't say a word. I knew what she was doing. But I didn't know if I could keep up with this whole Noire thing or if this Noire thing was just sticking to me. Whatever it was, It was already clear to me that the spell I cast prevented me from breaking out of this cool facade I've put on. I'd have to put up with it. it at least let me keep focus on what I needed to do."

"I took a sour cherry lollipop and started sucking on it. It was kind of funny, that lollipop summed up all my feelings on the current situation in a nice delicious treat."

"Only gonna tell you this once, when I took on the badge I took an oath to make sure Equestria would be free from as much crime as I could prevent. That means when there's a case, then nothing else matters. And as long as I'm able to walk and down my coffee every night. Then that's exactly how it's gonna stay. Ain't got no time for dames."

"Some stallion you are. It's not that you don't have no time. It's that you don't know how to handle sophisticated and beautiful ladies like myself. Sometimes I think that you wish you could marry that filing cabinet of yours with how many cases you take"

"You know, dames like you is why stallions like me are always going out. You're nothing but trouble with a capital T."

"I know I am, that's a quality I know you LOVE about me. But fine, go do your silly stupid case. Don't be surprised if I'm asleep when you get back. I'd dream about you, but then I have a feeling that even in a dream, you'd walk out halfway through"

"Yeah yeah....Dames, can't live with em, can't live without em"

"I stepped through the portal. Chrysalis still in my thoughts. She really was trouble. Hope I actually didn't have those kind of feelings for that bug. Would make things more complicated than trying to explain the Kingdom Hearts series. And wouldn't you know it, it was raining. For any other pony, they'd be running for cover. But this heavy rain, that crashing thunder, it was like a siren's song. Calling to me."

"Unlike Ponyville, there wasn't any crystal ponies about to brave the storm. Course, they wouldn't know anything about Nightmare Night. Poor shmucks, being locked up for a thousand years"

"I made my way to the brothers' jewelry store. Only thing to keeping me dry was my coat and hat. And they weren't doing a good job."

"With nobody to interrogate, I'd just have to do a investigation based on evidence."

"Of course, the door is locked. Why wouldn't it be? Course, my trusty horn also worked as a trusty lockpick. Just a little zap and the door was open."

"This place was pretty gloomy looking at night. I gave it a good look around. There were two doors behind the counter. I decided to try the left door first and it took me right into the brothers' office. Looked pretty swanky. There was even one of those old style safes with the combination lock"

"I opened it and had a look inside. And whaddya know. It was filled with thingamabobs and whozitswhatsits. I had expected a bag of bits. But, it seemed their family legacy really was more important to them"

"Or that's what I thought until I saw the wall safe. Well, it wouldn't be an investigation unless had a peek inside"

".....empty"

"Seems they weren't lying, they didn't have anything to give the griffons at all. But, it could have been their own fault. This room even had one of those fancy smancy carpets."

"I decide to look inside the other room. See what clues I could find."

"Storage room, well. Of course it'd be. They had to stash the merchandise somewhere. marked cabinets with various kinds of gems as far as the eye could see. Looked like everything was still here. I remember the brothers saying the Griffon's talons didn't effect the radiant gems. Maybe that same reasoning was why there didn't seem to be any kind of special handling tools for any of the other kinds of gems. Or maybe the rest didn't really need special handling"

"I scour the room for clues. I didn't know what I'd find. Maybe there wasn't anything at all. But I had to make sure all my facts were straight and every nook and cranny was searched"

"They had a poster of some broad up on the wall, a griffon singer. I didn't even know Griffons sung songs. But then again, they are part bird"

"Then I felt the gears in my head turning. There wasn't any other kind of griffon memorabilia in this dump. Just that poster.....I better check it out"

"And whaddya know, there's a hole behind it. And woah....there we're gems behind it. But why would there be gems when this room was a gem storage room. That didn't make any sense. Unless..."

"Well don't that beat all. This hole must have been here for awhile. The griffons must have been using this hole to hide gems during their work inside the storage room. Then they probably snuck em out during quitting time. Looks like the Flim Flams have been getting FlimFlammed. That explains why they have also been making less and less, aside from the griffon's less than lovable attitude."

"Case closed, as far as I'm concerned. I took a few pictures of the scene. Wasn't my place to make any actual arrests. I'd leave that to the princess herself. I'm sure these pictures and my word would be good enough"

"Then I hear it. Of all the place,of all the time, it had to be right now. the front door of the shop opened up. And I was stuck here in the storage room. It couldn't be the brothers, they were all the way in Ponyville."

"Alright boys, seems the brothers don't wanna pay up. Take the loot, take their things, and make sure this place looks uglier than Greg's backyard"

"Hey....I don't think my backyard looks that bad Gary."

"How many time do I gotta tell you to not call me Gary, I'm Sharpclaw, got it? On the account that I'm sharp smarted and sharp...clawed"

"Yeah Greg, don't insult the boss. But er....why are we here exactly? I thought we gave em' til tomorrow"

"Yeah well, today is yesterday's tomorrow and it's time to pay up"

"Boss, erm..did ya notice that everything looks grey all of a sudden?"

"Yeah..and what's with the music?"

"Are you boys morons or something? It only looks black and white because it's dark. And the music? They probably left one of their stupid jukeboxes on for when they sing that stupid song to new customers. Stop yer bellyachin’ and get to lootin. Greg, ya bust open the safe. Divebeak and me are gonna take all the gems"

"...How come I don't get a nickname?"

"Because you ain't ever asked for one dummy. That's why it's Sharpclaw, Divebeak, and ugh....Greg"

"I was in a real fix now, seems the griffons came to clean house early. You got yourself into a real jam this time, Anon. "

"Did ya hear that?"

".....Everypony spread out...there's somepony in here"

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