• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 177

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Bugqueen advice
Discord saw a show
And Anon has sex!

"eggh, you don't have to say things like that. Why do you even care?" You kept your senses high, you wondered what she was up to.

"I can't help a friend? I help you, you feed me. Come on Anon, trust me. I want to help. At least I'm being honest. You do make a good meal when you have those lovely feelings of yours out in the open."

...she was being honest, it also seemed she really did give no shits about the ex captain. Not even phased.

"Well, I mean...eh, are you sure you can even help with my problem? How do you even know it's a problem?"

Chrysalis gave you a gentle rub on the head "I'm a mother, Anon, and a queen. I know a thing or two about the problems of the young and stupid. And I can definitely sense something wrong. Don't make me say please..." She looked into your eyes, her eyes glowing as she gave you such a sweet look.

you look to the side...was this really a good idea? She was more of the manipulative type. Maybe...
"...I dunno...maybe I should go see Princess Cadence, she's the Princess of Love after all..."

"what?!" Chrysalis is actually frustrated from that suggestion "How could you even choose her over me? You barely know her!" Chrysalis looks into your eyes angrily "She won't even take you seriously. But I know your secret. I am the ONLY one qualified to help you. The ONLY one"

G-geez. She really seemed to take offense to that...for some reason. Why? what got her so upset?
"...I just thought she'd be more objective. And have more selfless motives in helping me. I mean, don't you only want to help me to feed off me? I don't mind the feeding, but it sounds like all you want to do is tell me things that'll get my emotions up."

Chrysalis looked at you silently for a moment, she looked...insulted. "And this is why you have problems, your social abilities are severely lacking. Do you know how insulted I'd be if you weren't so stupid sometimes?"

Well, she looked insulted now...
....and now you felt bad too. egh, what was wrong with you? You were suddenly being a real asshole all of a sudden. Maybe it was just Twilight. egh...you still had to talk to Discord about that too.
"...sorry, I've just had a real rough day. I'd...love to have your help. But, how exactly are you going to help me?"

"Well first..." Chrysalis eyed you closely "...you could give me a better apology than that" She then smirked at you, well...that feeling of being insulted washed away from her quickly.

....and you weren't going to deny her either. She was right, what would Cadence even say? She'd tell you "You're too young" or "those are....really odd thoughts you have Anon.". And the help you needed was, well...even you didn't exactly know. You didn't know if you should be with DT, accept her love..or anything...she was really young but. as Filthy said, you might be stuck with her.

You took a deep breath. "I'm......really sorry."

Chrysalis shook her head, then lifted her left foreleg and pointed downwards. "Kneel...and address me by my proper title."

You grimace at that "...Really?"

"You hurt me Anon, and I won't help you with whatever you need unless you do this." Chrysalis was waiting, she wanted this.

.....dammit.

You sigh, and kneel, and let out a half hearted "I apologize, my queen, for my insubordination"

Chrysalis chuckles "You may rise, that was good enough. Now, for me to be able to help. I need all the details. Don't leave out a single one"

Although that was you humiliating. you decide to play it straight and tell her everything you've been through with DT. Recounting from when you saved her, to the part where you reformed her mother.

Even Chrysalis herself seemed baffled by it all. By the end of your tale, she shook her head "Impressive Anon, you somehow managed to win the heart of a filly to the point where she will most likely stick with you until your death. And yet, you aren't even sure if you want it? How dumb could you be? Just go for it."

but you couldn't. "Chrysalis....uhhh. I'm a colt, and she's a filly. You do realize we're too young to "Just go for it" "

"Age is such a poor excuse. Especially when it comes to you. You have the advantage, why not take it? She loves you, and I can sense that deep down...you have feelings for her as well. But you let your skewed sense of morality get in the way."

"but that's exactly it. It's just feelings anypony would naturally get, but those feelings die eventually right? Especially for an actual kid, they move on. I don't want to get into a relationship with a filly and then end up getting dumped by a mare."

Chrysalis looked at you with unhumored disbelief "Do you listen to yourself sometimes? She's HOPELESSLY in love with you. You've saved her life and you saved her family. She wants to shower you with her affections and love. But no, you are refusing her because she's a filly. Anon, you don't have to take her to bed. Just love her back, how hard can that be?" Chrysalis rolls her eyes at you "I can't believe this is your problem. I thought this was something such as you wanting to ask for her hoof in marriage or you not knowing the right thing to say. But no...no...it's just you being idiotic as usual."

"Yeah...b-but you see, there's also this other filly who likes me. And I broke things off with her and told her I'd break things off with Diamond. How bad would it look if I just up and ended up with her for some reason. Applebloom wouldn't take that lying down."

"Why does that even matter? She'll just have to accept that she got passed up by a superior pony. Besides, you haven't done anything to clench her love..have you?"

....you....couldn't think of anything.

You shake your head "Not exactly, no. She just sort of fell for me. Same as Diamond"

"Then she'll fall out of it just as easily as she fell in. I can't believe how difficult you're making this, I'm not even getting a good meal out of this. It's time to change tactics, for both our sake"

"Change tactics?....wait"

You back off from her, fearing what she was going to do. You could see her eyes glowing again. "You're not going to hypnotize me, are you?"

"Tempting, but that's not going to help you in the long run. No, I thought of something better. Something....that demonstrates how wimpy you really are. And to demonstrate that, we shall do some roleplay"

You raise an eyebrow, roleplay? Sounds more like seducing… "...why roleplay? I don't think it's going to help if you pretend to be Diamond Tiara. You'll still just act like yourself."

Chrysalis groans "Your assumptions are simple minded. Roleplaying as your future lover is useless if you're still a wimp. No...I'm going to..." Chrysalis glows in a light, and transforms into......you. "Show you exactly how you should be acting. I'll be you, and you be Diamond...whatever"

What?! how could she even think she could be you? Never mind having to be DT.
"excuse me? Hold on, HOOOLD ON. What makes you think you can be me? You don't know how intricate the human mind can be."

"That's probably a good thing, because that's exactly what's causing your problem. You let all these complications control you instead of just stepping up to the plate. Now then, shall we begin?"

Eh, she was still talking in her manner of speech despite being you. It felt...odd. But whatever, if she wanted to try this then so be it. She was going to see how hard it really was to be you.
"Ok then, I'm game. But I'm not going to make this easy"

"Good, I could use a challenge. One can only watch "Changeling medical theater" for so long. The plot has become obvious. Now..Diamond, you go first."

You step up to...yourself...with a big happy grin. Let's see how she reacts to this.
"Hey Anon, I was uhhh..thinking. Do you want to go on a date?"

Chrysalis nods "Yes"

...wut? "huh?! You can't just say yes. Did you forget that we're foals? What about our parents?"

Chrysalis looked at her legs Then looked at you with a confused look "Yes...I'm aware. And? What's the problem?"

"...uhhh, you can't just say yes. You'd have to make sure the parents are ok with it first."

Chrysalis rolled her eyes "Your father would most likely say yes, and her parents sound like they'd say yes...so...with that in mind. A non wimpy version of you would take up that offer."

"B-but what if Discord said no?" ....would Discord even have a reason to say no?...wait… "What if he was planning something and needed me for it? huh?"

Chrysalis groaned "That's why you schedule the date......"

"But Discord is spontaneous"

"Not spontaneous enough to take up twenty four hours of your time. And he certainly doesn't take too long with any of his endeavors. So, I win..you lose...move on"

You cringe.....dammit...was she really right? Was it that simple?...well..what about.. "Ok...how about this?"

You make a happy smile as you bounce about. "Hey! Hey! Anon! You wanna get married....right now!?"

Chrysalis nods "Yes"

WHAT?!

You give Chrysalis the angry eye "Now you're just being impossible. How the hell would that even work!"

"Well, by accepting her offer and then getting married at the proper age. I know some pony cultures have arranged marriages...it'd be similar to one of those"

Goddammit........the worst part was..she was probably right. Who were you to question pony culture?

"So, are you understanding now Anon? The simplicity of relationships shouldn't be beyond your grasp. Just take it. And reap its benefits. Now, anything more you have to ask?"

You don't even nod, there had to be a way to show her that your point of view was best. Because her way just seemed. too direct. "Yeah..."

You grit your teeth, preparing yourself for what you were about to do. And after two breaths, you look at Chrysalis with half cocked eyes and your own brand of seductive smiling. "Anon...." You rub up against...yourself, and gently nuzzle your head behind.....your neck. "I'm feeling feelings...I never felt before...I..want to go to bed with you...i-is that ok?"

Chrysalis nods "Yes"

WUUUUUUUUT?!

You immediately back off, there's no fucking way she could rationalize that. "Ok...no way, no fucking way you can rationalize that! I dare you to try"

Chrysalis clears her throat as she hops up to your bed and lays on her side ".....done, and then we snuggle and fall asleep"

....no, she should know that you meant fucking sex. "You know what I mean....."

Chrysalis raises her head and smirks arrogantly at you....sheesh..is that what you look like when you look smug? it looked....villainous. "Ohhhh, Anon.If you mean it that way...Why don't you come up here and..." She turns into Diamond Tiara "Let me show you the answer instead"

You blush and gulp, blushing red as she bats her eyes at you.

...oh shit...did she just offer....actual...

ooooh boy. "...it's...not right. You know..erm..remember? t-too young? How can you p-possibly rationalize t-that?"

"Ohhh...no no...my answer to that would be to seriously just cuddle with her and ignore any of her advancements...which she'd never make anyway until a certain age." She flips upside down and leans her head over the side of the bed as her mane lowers to the ground, she kicks her back legs up and down cutely. "This is just for practice.....what?...you don't want to practice? hmmm?"

You turn the brightest shade of red. You could feel yourself getting hot.....oh lord..noooo "I.....I ummm..."

"Don't deny your future lover Anon...." Chrysalis's eyes begin to glow "I've shown you how easy it is to just accept her love. To be happy instead of constantly stressing over something that nopony else would stress over. I just want you to be happy....don't you want to be happy?"

....her eyes...they seemed...much softer than usual.... "I....want to...be happy"

"Good....." She giggled sweetly, licking her lips "Why don't you come up here...and we can begin"

It was like you were in a trance, lost in nothing but happy thoughts as you walk over to your bed and climb up. Chrysalis moves to the front of the bed, and lays down, her legs open. Looking deep into your eyes. "You love me, don't you Anon? You're just trying to avoid a heartache you'd felt time and time again back in your old home, aren't you? Aside from holding the belief you are too young, you don't want to get into something that could eventually blow up in your face..don’t you?"

You just nod, silent, your eyes hungry.

Chrysalis, still as Diamond begins to rub her chest gently, and giggles at you "Cute.....but deep inside, you just want to have the love of somepony, and somepony to love, don't you? You just want to have a marefriend who actually cares about you...again..am I right?"

You nod

"mmmmm, I thought so...you should heed my words well Anon, you'll end up alone if you keep up these foolish moralities. That other filly...Applebloom was it?...she'll get over it. If anything, she'd have been the one to forget you if you stuck with her. Now....how much do you love me?"

You don't reply, drool just comes out of your mouth.

Chrysalis cringes at you "ooookkk....didn't realize humans we're as lustful as they were loving. That explains this bounty being more delicious than usual though...I suppose that's not too bad. Ahh well, go ahead Anon...take me.....I'm yours"

"B-but...." You could only resist...just a little

"shhhhh....don't talk" She opened her back legs just a little more, so you could get a better view "just do..."

That was it..your mind was hers..you dive into her to make sweet sweet love.

Chrysalis however, immediately rolls to the side as you grab your pillow, and mindlessly hump into it.

"D-diamond....mnnnnnn" You moan as you begin fucking your pillow.

Chrysalis just sat at the side of you. feeding, and saying things in a bored fashion. "Yes Anon...oh...right there...oh yes....right...ehhh.."

You continue to just mindlessly hump and lick at your pillow like a horny mongoose. unaware of the truth that you weren't fucking Chrysalis or Diamond, and that all she was doing was faking the excitement of it.

Chrysalis pats you on the head gently. "Remember what I told you Anon, and you'll do fine. Just err.....tone down that libido of yours. It's scary...even to me"

Chrysalis even leans in, and gives you a gentle kiss on the cheek. "Sweet dreams Anon, and..." she licks her lips again. The love was intense, as was the lust. "Don't ever stop loving..."

Chrysalis looks at you one last time, then shakes her head both in disbelief and a little in shame.

But as she walked away, she noticed something about herself "...Well, this is quite a problem...."

She looks back at you, slowly transforming back to her original form. "It seems my heart has room for somepony else after all....."

Chrysalis stopped, to recollect her thoughts.

Why did she even care? She put a lot of thought into it. Maybe it was the fact she was stuck here in the first place. But as she gave it more thought, she realized that it was because you genuinely cared in a way that didn't make you totally ignorant...despite still being ignorant.

She realized that in the end, you could speak to her as if she was someone true rather than the scary villain she loves to be. That'd you would show her one of those "Documentaries" and set up an entire theater just for her, despite knowing she's evil. That you somehow care, and can overlook her cruelty now that you've gotten to know her....despite still being an ass sometimes.

then she smirked at the absurdity of it all "Well well, how interesting..I care about a outworlder's well being. How rich. Well...that just means one thing..."

Chrysalis opens the floor door, and looks back upon you again "I'll just have to make an offer you won't refuse once I've taken over Equestria. I hope you don't deny me when the time comes Anon, you'd be such a waste..."

She flew down through the door, leaving you to your sexual machinations.

This went on for about half an hour. Sweet, beautiful, pillowy sex. Up until Discord showed up.

Discord appears above your bed out of nowhere. Eating popcorn and wearing shades. He looks down at you with a happy smile on his face. "There you are Anon! good. Because I'm about to spend four hours explaining why "Griffon on a hot tin roof" is the best play I've seen in eons, sure you won't get any sleep. But you'll appreciate the culture I bring upon you this night."

Discord flips around to float along his back, but as he makes himself comfortable, magically putting a water bottle within his grip to hydrate himself during his long talk. He notices you have said nothing verbally. He just hears grunts and groans.

"Really Anon?" Discord lifts his sunglasses to look at you with dismay "You could at least wait until I start as I force you to...listen...to....now what is going on here?"

You were still furiously humping your pillow.

"huh...." Discord leaned up, and stroked his beard as he analyzed what's going on "...well, I....suppose that's one way to fluff a pillow....Annoonnn...oh Annnooonnn."

You don't reply.

Discord reaches a talon to you and taps your back "Anooooonnnn...what are you dooooinngg?" He says in a sing song fashion.

You immediately freeze, you could feel your entire body on fire as you look back at him in a panic. You then turn and hold the pillow tight as you hold your right front hoof towards Discord.
"Don't worry my love! I'll protect you!"

You start blindly swinging your hoof at Discord as he just looks at you, perplexed."...hrnnn...as much as I'd enjoy two shows in one night. This particular one is...." Discord looks deep into your eyes, and sees a green emptiness within them. He immediately figures out what's going on. "....a little phoned in. Anon, do you know who I am?"

"Stay back evil cur! I will end you with my hoof of justice!" You panic as you thrash your hoof about.

"Right....just as I thought. And tell me, who is that you are protecting?"

"I will never tell you, you monster! She is my everything! My princess! and I will never let you touch her!"

"Well, far be it for me to separate an idiot from their pillow but..." Discord makes an airhorn appear in his talons and holds it towards you "..it's time to wake up......wait.." Discord looks at the small can, and then tosses it away as he chuckles "Well, that certainly won't be enough"

He snaps his talons, making a seven foot, huge airhorn appear at the end of the bed. Aiming directly at you.

Discord snickers as he glides over to it "...much MUCH better"

You just look at him with frightful,scared eyes as he screws off his own ears and eats them before pressing in the airhorn’s button. Releasing a deafening megablast of sound directly at you.

You flip right into the backrest of your bed. Slamming into it headfirst and falling back on your face.

oggghhh..the pain...the ringing in your ears.

What happened? You lift your head up in a daze, looking around, you could barely hear anything. Your balance was so off that you ended up falling off the side of your bed.
"w-what...o-oghh....w-what's going on? w-where am I?"

Discord holds his own nose and blows, popping a new set of ears out of his head.

He then looks over to you. as he pieced together some of what must have happened in his head. "Anon, how long have you been disappointing your pillow with your weak performance?"

You look over to him and yell, you could barely hear him. You didn't even realize it was him who blasted you. You just thought..something..happened. It was like waking from a dream.
"What! I can't hear you! What happened?!"

Shit..what did happen? You barely knew where you even were. Did Discord rescue you from something..or....no..he probably did all this.

Discord groaned. "No use having fun if you can't even hear me..."

Discord points at you with his talon finger and lifts you up using his magic, and plops you on your bed before making your ears pop again using his magic. startling you and giving your hearing back at the same time.

after giving your head a shake to try to regain your composure, you think you have things figured out, you cross your forelegs together and look at Discord, agitated. Especially since you can't remember anything since you....got advice from Chrysalis...oh... wait...never mind...she did this.

"Well, how are you feeling Anon? It seems like somepony got into your head " Discord could see the uncertainty in your eyes, he knew you were trying to piece together exactly what happened.

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