• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 212 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Anon gets scared
Redheart gets put in a closet
And Discord flies a bed.

Day 5

You wake up back on the hospital bed. You look around for Fluttershy, but it seems she was gone. That's fine, the doctor probably didn't want her ruining your rest or something. You look towards the window. Well....for once you seemed to be up in the morning.

"...Dammit..." You let out a huge sigh. You fell apart really badly last night. Or hell, in general. How could you let yourself just turn into a babbling mass of flesh? You hated it, you had to get your act together.... Not just for Fluttershy, but for when eventually Twilight confronts you...or rather...when you confront her.

You slowly get out of bed and walk towards the door. You slowly open it and peer outside. Doctors..nurses...no sign of your friends. And thank god, no sign of Diamond Tiara, you really didn't want her to see you like this. "Man...I don't want to be stuck here all day."

You open the door wide and start stepping around the doctors and nurses. Looking for the front desk. That is until a familiar nurse stops you....the prettiest nurse of all horse nurses that ever nursed. She stood in your path. She leaned her head down with a gentle smile. Her cute little nurse cap complimenting her pink mane and white coat.

"What are you doing out of your room little guy? Come on, let's take you back" It was Nurse Redheart...and as hot as she was, she was impeding your progress.

"Actually...I'd like to sign myself out please. I'm doing alright."

Nurse Redheart shook her head at you, she didn't accept that for a moment. "Sorry, I can't just let you go unless your doctor or your parent signs you out. You're too young to make that decision on your own." She gives you a sweet smile. "Come on, if you follow me back to your room I'll get you some sugar free ice cream. How does that sound?"

Sugar free? Fuuuuuuuck no. "Look, I appreciate the care. But I have things to do. Come on.." You were trying to juke past her, but she was blocking you with every movement. "Come onnnn...please?"

She noticed the bandages wrapped around your back,and again shook her head. her tone sounding a little more impatient. "I can’t just let you leave. Come on, if it's school you're worried about then you don't have to be. They'll understand that you're in the hospital."

Dammit, she needed to step off. you didn't care how plowable she was. "That's not what I'm worried about. I have to talk to Princess Twilight, and I can't do that if I'm stuck in bed."

Nurse Redheart would not budge, your resistance only made her more determined, even a little more annoyed to go along with it. "Well you're not going to be doing that until your doctor or parent signs you out."

You start to grumble...no fuck off, you needed to go. "I'm leaving..." You look her dead in the eye

"You're not..." She stares at you right back.

"I'm.....HOLY CELESTIA! IS THAT A HEAVILY DISEASED PONY COMING OUR WAY AT SUPER SPEEDS?!" You point behind her in fake fright.

"Well that's his business and...Oh, is that your father coming down the hall?" Nurse Redheart points behind you

"I'm not falling for that...." You don't even flinch

"Neither am I...do you know how many colts try that same trick?" And neither does she

She was too clever for normal shenanigans. You had to try something else. You jump to the left.

She jumps to the left.

You try the right, but she hops right with you. "Give up? Are you going to go back to your room now? Because the more you move around, the more you'll probably have to stay there. And if you keep this up, I'll just have you forced back into your room. Now, stop the silly games, go to your room, and I'll get you some of that ice cream."

You had the idea of just running. But without properly signing out, anyone of your friends could come to see you then worry the moment everyone realizes you bolted. "What if I give you one thousand bits?"

"...." Nurse Redheart stopped, then raised an eyebrow. ".....Go on."

Holy shit..really? "Oh...ok. So look, I'm Discord's son, right? I have access to a butt load of bits. You let me sign out andNGGHHH!" Suddenly you were gently lifted in the air by magic.

Nurse Redheart looked at you with a smug look as she patted your head, she then looked behind you "Thank you doctor"

"What?! You can't do this to me! I'm Discord's son! Let me go! I have things to do! I'LL CHANGE YOU BOTH INTO BETAMAX TAPES!" You growled in protest as you wiggled about in mid air

You can hear the doctor behind you pleading with you to calm down. "Please Anon, don't struggle. Your injuries are minor but they can still get worse if you keep struggling like this. Nurse, can you sedate him?"

"Gladly..." Nurse Redheart leaves for a moment to go get a needle.

"L-listen doc, I've got a buttload of bits here. Let me go and I can make you a rich rich pony! Come on! You know who I am, right?!"

The doctor turned you around so you could face him. "Mr.Anon, I can't do that. As the nurse told you, unless I or your parent signs you out, then you're going to have to tough it out here. Come on, it isn't so bad. You get a nice bed and all the sugar free ice cream you can eat. Sounds delicious, hmmm?"

Blegh..no

"....Are you telling me none of you are bribeable? That doesn't even make sense, I got bits...LOTS of bits!"

"And I have integrity, I can't just sign you out. That would ruin my reputation as a doctor" He then shifts his eyes for a moment, why did he...

"Ow!" You felt a prick on your leg… "....ngh...I...what's...why...ogh..." You turned around, Nurse Redheart had a needle in her mouth. She had pricked you with it. "...you're both despicable..." You started to feel woozy and tired.

"We're health givers Mr. Anon, we only care about your well being. Nurse, could you take him back to his room?" The Doctor slowly lets you down onto nurse Redheart's back with his magic.

"Yes Doctor..." She nodded, and took you back to your room and put you back onto your bed.

You couldn't struggle, you could barely see at this point.

"....ngh...Why?..Just let me go..."

Suddenly, Nurse Redheart chuckled as she slowly closed the door, her voice turning into that of a familiar draconequus. "Oh not yet Anon...not yet. Not until a certain something happens"

...W-wut?

"...N-nurse?"

Redheart turned to face you, her eyes yellow, her pupils crimson red. "Long time no see Anon, looks like you got yourself into quite the little situation. Don't worry about missing Twilight, I'll get you there in a hurry. But first, that little truth serum I gave you should make you quite the little element of honesty..."

What?....he stuck you with a truth serum? What happened to the real Nurse Redheart? "W-why are you even here?"

"Because my son is in the hospital. I have no idea why and for once, I don't care to hear any excuse or lie. So Anon, how did you end up here, hmmm?" The fake nurse sat down on the bench Fluttershy sat on. "Fluttershy seemed very upset, which meant something about an animal happened, or something about you happened. And loooooook, it happened to be you. My my my Anon, how did this happen? Tell me."

Whatever he stuck you with, it was pretty damn strong. You explained the entire day to him against your will, as if you were in a drunken stupor.

"Chimera attack?....Both you and Fluttershy hmm? Hm....." A little notepad appeared in front of him, as a pencil started jotting something down "Note to self, massive chaotic revenge against a chimera named Bapho and Bengal...and..snake..thing..hrn." The notepad then vanishes as Discord chuckled, pointing his hoof at you, and zapping you with a bolt of magic that made a white ooze come out your mouth. God..it was salty. It woke you right the fuck up.

"AUGGGHHH! Eww..geez! What the fuck is this?" You spit up some onto your hooves and look at it..the feel of it..is this?! "Holy shit Discord..what the fuck is this..is this jizz?!..is this.." You look at him frantically. "Your jizz?!"

Discord grimaced at the thought. "Always the dirty mind under such circumstances. No Anon, it's the truth serum. I forced it out of you..."

You wipe it on the blanket, god, whatever it really was. You didn't want it on you. You even spit out a few spitballs to get it out of your mouth.

"Well, I see the days with Twilight hasn't fixed your abhorrent manners." He chuckled to himself.

You lay back on your bed, disgusted. "Yeah whatever....though" You sigh. "I'm actually glad you're here..." You can feel yourself returning to normal. "I mean...as long as you're not here to go mess with Twilight and Trixie.."

"Twilight and who?...I know you mentioned that name in that story of yours but I couldn't care to actually remember. And as fun as messing with Twilight is, that's not why I'm here" Discord looked at you with a gentle, even calming smile...well...as Redheart, it did look like that.

That's why he's not here? What IS he here for…? Unless it really was the fact that he knew you were hurt.

You start to soften up.....awwww...that was actually...really sweet of him. "Discord....you're worried about me?"

He nods . "Well of course, if Fluttershy is worried about you, then I have a reason to worry about you. You're one of my best friends after all"

A-awwww.... "Discord...that's actually really sweet of you. I didn't know you came just to see if I was ok. I know we're supposed to be separated until this whole thing is over. But you didn't come to bother me at anytime until it was actually important. You know what that tells me? It tells me that deep down inside, you really are a sweet guy"

Discord raised an eyebrow at you, he didn't look amused or caring. "What in the hay are you talking about?"

You shifted your eyes around, confused. "You came to make sure I was ok....right?"

Discord started laughing as he shook his head. "Are you serious?! Well....Yes... And no. I came here because technically you're visiting the hospital, not Twilight. Which means LOOPHOLE....and since there's a loophole, there's something you said that I've been really wanting to do"

...Oh....god..what?! What the fuck was he saying? "....W-what are you talking about?"

"Ahh, don't try to get out of it Anon. You said we could go and humiliate Celestia's kin. Her, nephew or whatever. Bloodcell...or..something. I don't know. Point is, you and me have a playdate....in....should be a few moments now."

Few moments....what? "Discord...you can't just do this..." Suddenly, there is a slamming at the door.

"Whoever is in there, stop what you're doing now! Open the door now! Leave the colt alone!" Said a voice from behind the door, you could hear other voices too.

You look at Discord, frightened. What the fuck? "The hell did you do?!"

"Oh...not much" He chuckled to himself as he transformed back to his original self "I just kidnapped a nurse who went looking for a needle, and then stuck her in a closet. And it seems she was found because they all seem very riled up...tch tch tch" Discord shook his head at the shame of it. "Making such noise in a hospital, can you believe it? Nopony has any manners these days."

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?! FOR WHAT PURPOSE?!" You yell at him

Discord shrugged. "Just because...Now then..." Discord swirled his talon around, your saddle bag went up from a chair to the bed as the bed itself shifted and changed it facing towards the wall. "Next stop...Canterlot! Ohhh, this is going to be fun!" Discord poofed towards the end of the bed, dressed as a pilot with a nice little scarf. He put the pilot's goggles over his eyes and bounced a little on the bed. "I've always wanted to fly a bed"

Fly...a...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! "Discord don't, DISCORD DON'T, DON'T YOU FUCKING DA-"

Suddenly, the bed started to shake and sputter. An engine noise drowning out your yelling. "Ohh, can't hear you Anon...we're about to lift off, make sure you're comfortable and tucked in...or...well...you know..."

......You shiver in fear as you pull the blanket over yourself. "Please don't let me die, please don't let me die....please..don't..let..me.....AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" And the bed sped off, bashing right through the wall to the side, You were screaming for dear life.

The doctors finally managed to get the door open, only to peer to where the empty bed was, and where there was a hole in the wall.

The blankets felt heavier as usual as you and Discord flew up into the sky at incredible speeds. While you let out incredible screams. He was piloting the damn bed like an airplane, the psychotic fuck! It took you several moments to even try to calm down as he zipped through clouds and birds, laughing the whole way.

You look at your saddle bag. It lacked the horn. When he induced you with the truth serum, you never mentioned the fact that you lacked the horn. That happened on another day and you never brought it up in correlation to Trixie. You wondered if you should tell him. But, you didn't wonder too much. This was Discord, who would most likely take the horn back by force the moment he found out. "Can't you slow this fucking thing down?! I can see the castle already!"

You also figured you'd have no choice but to help him on this little venture. You'd try to convince him to not do it once you landed. But, you already doubted he'd listen. Discord looked back at you with a happy and thrilled smile, he had to yell at you to be heard as the winds and engine noise made it hard to hear "No can do Anon! If we slow down even by a little bit, then we'll enter a tail spin and crash! Can't have that, can we!?"

You yelled back. "You can't be serious! Can't you just teleport us there?!"

"Yes! But this is much more fun! See? We can speed up even faster!" Discord pulled at an invisible throttle, making you both zip at speeds too much for you to handle, causing you to scream again.

"And we can slow down!" Discord released the throttle, making the bed slow down a significant bit.

You were holding on to the blankets tight, your coat and skin white as snow from the fright of the sudden speed. You had to take a breath from the bed slowing down. "Woah...geez...you didn't actually have to do that either..ngh"

The engine was humming now, making it much easier to be heard. "Anon, this is supposed to be fun for the both of us. Do you know how annoying it is to hear you complaining when you should be throwing your hooves up in the air like you, as they say, just don't care?"

Goddammit, at that speeds in an open fucking bed?! That would fucking scare batman. "Discord! We're on a fucking bed, Look, we're already above the castle so...." Suddenly, the engine sounds spurt..and then stop. "Put us down?...ahh, thank god.." You rest your head on the pillow. "That noise was annoying as hell...so are we landing?"

"So to speak, do you remember what I said about when we slow down?" Discord asked you, with an insidious smile.

"..Sorta....but you didn't actually...Oh come on, you're the one who works the m-MMAADWFEDSDDF" The bed made a nose dive straight down towards the canterlot castle gardens. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The sheer drop speed and angle actually made your hooves fly up involuntarily. Making Discord giggle with delight. "There you go! I knew you could do it!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Discord then rolled his eyes. "A little too much Anon, sheesh, who are you trying to impress?"

Oh god, there was the ground, the intense drop speeds was fucking with every part of you. You'd puke if you didn't think you were just about to die. And then suddenly..

The bed comes to a complete stop right before the ground itself, it just hovered in place. You would have fell off the bed itself, but the stop didn't seem to create any turbulence or momentum. Didn't stop your screaming though.

"Anon.....Anon...." Discord groaned as he tried to communicate with you. But you just wouldn't stop screaming. He gives you a quick slap to knock some sense into you.

"Ow! G-geez...agh..oh good lord.." You were breathing hard and fast from fright. "You could...have killed me! Geez! Why would you even do that?! Do you realize I can still feel the velocity and force?! I don't care who you are! That's scary as shit!"

Discord hopped off the bed and gently pulled you off and placed you on your butt. He then took a big stretch to work out them flight kinks in his joints. "Yes, and the drop probably didn't help either. But Anon, you should realize that I don't fly cheap. You were always safe with me, even during that drop."

"I thought we were going to crash!"

"I didn't. Like I said, I don't fly cheap. That's why it pays to invest in premium air brakes. Anyyyyywhooo, enough about that. We have a fun little job to do..."

You slowly went and rested on your side on the soft grass. It seemed you really had no choice but to help him. The only solace in this you could take in this was that Blueblood was a gigantic asshole. So no fucks given. But..how were you going to explain this one? No..fuck that, he'd have to explain it. "..Give me a second....let me enjoy the beautiful ground..."

After taking a few moments, you mention how this was going to be explained. "Discord, how do you even plan to tell everypony about this? They are going to find out you know."

"Well, we don't have to mention WHAT we did. And I can easily explain it away as my way of showing care and love over the fact my poor little colt was in a scary situation." Discord looked around the statues then took a gander at the castle.

So....he was taking the blame for this one? That's...odd...unless he was lying about it. Or, maybe he did care. Maybe the reason he was willing to take the blame was because he wanted to fulfill your "request" as a way to help you feel better. He'd have to deal with Fluttershy herself over this though., Something he'd normally not be willing to do. Maybe, in his own way, this was him being a friend.

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