• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 76

"Princess Twilight is here to give a rousing speech on the importance of friendship, and to answer any questions anypony might have." Cheerilee seemed really excited about this. Then again, Twilight was Princess Tier now. "If you're worried about her looking over your projects then no need to fret. We are all in an understanding that not Everypony is done. So please don't feel nervous or that you are being judged, she isn't here for that. let's all be respectful and save any questions for when she is done."

Twilight looked to Cheerilee until she was finished speaking, then she looked upon the class with an eager smile. "I'm glad to see so many young, bright, and eager to learn colts and fillies today. Learning, as I'm sure all of you know, is just about as important as friendship. In fact, learning and friendship actually goes hoof in hoof. Through learning about others, we can become friends and grow even closer to each other. And looking upon all of you, I can see you already understand the basics of friendship… But what exactly is friendship? And why is it so important? Well, if you look at this chart!"

A CHART?! Twilight uses her magic to roll in a huge board with a chart on it from outside the front door to her side. "As you can see on this chart, there are many intricacies when it comes to friendship. All can be derived by the meanings that can be found from the Elements of Harmony. Each being split into subsections and all being part of social integrity and general merry making in groups of ponies you care about, or even new ponies you never met before. All can revolve around this circle here which represents the very essence of friendship that encompasses every pony and..."

Oh.....my.....god....... She is fucking explaining it like it's a fucking science project… and it's boring. It takes everything within you to not slam your face on the table. How is friendship this complicated?!

Friendship....complicated..And yet...She had it down...To a science. You started to focus a little more on her explanations… or more so… on her, and began to think. It might actually help with your situation.

Having Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle back you up in case things did go wrong was… a little something. But… Here's Twilight… She has it down to a fucking science. And… she's an adult.

Your head started to fill with a good backup plan to your main plan. Twilight… usually is able to figure out the right thing to say when a pony is down. Pinkie is usually better at it. But to be fair. You don't know her personally well enough to know of what you had planned would work with her properly.

But here was Twilight. Your backup plan, the one forming… is simple. She would be there to calm the storm. If Diamond Tiara or Applebloom got out of hand. Twilight could stop them… hell, even teleport to them if they try to run in tears in case it escalates that high. She could then explain to them that it wasn't so bad. Maybe some spiel that they had to think of your feelings too. And that you never intended on hurting them. Shit like that… not like it wasn't true. You didn't want to hurt them, but you couldn't let this continue.

So you waited… you waited until a chance that you could ask to meet Twilight in private.

"...and that's why friendship is important! I hope you all got that. Now then, who wants to ask me questions! No question is too dumb. So please, ask! I'm excited to answer any and all questions!" Twilight exclaimed, ecstatic that she was teaching the young ones about the importance of friendship.

You'd have to wait a little longer. One of the ponies asked about the morning happening.

"Oh… that was just a weird anomaly. You know, sometimes it happens" Twilight smiled nervously. "Anypony have a question on friendship?"

Sweetie Belle raised her hoof, Twilight immediately pointing to her "Yes? Do you have a question Sweetie Belle?"

Sweetie Belle nodded "Mhmmm! What if you have a friend that had a crush on another friend, and then had another friend who had a crush on that same friend, and the friend who they are crushing on doesn't want them to have a crush on him… or her. How exactly would you handle that?"

GOAdwfdsdsfdSFSD SWEETIE BELLE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

Twilight was heavily perplexed "..u-uhmm..I'm not sure I follow"

Sweetie Belle tried to be more informative "Well. What if two ponies liked liked this one pony. But this pony doesn't like them in that way. But kind of screwed up with one, and now he… or she… has got to tell them he's not interested. How exactly would he… or she go about doing it?"

NO SWEETIE BELLE NO! You think you realized what she was doing. She was trying to get you help from Twilight. So you'd know exactly what to say. BUT YOU DIDN'T NEED HELP… or, you at least didn't need this somehow going public if a mistake is made.

"U-umm...well...your friend should be honest with them. That's the best advice I can give." Twilight's sound advice… you already knew that. Now she was looking curiously at Sweetie Belle. But didn't say more about it. "Is that all Sweetie Belle?"

Sweetie Belle nodded "Mhmm! Thank you Twilight" She then turned to you and nodded… as if she was being some help.

"Any questions strictly dealing with Friendship?" Twilight just wanted another one… just one. She worked so hard on that presentation.

Diamond Tiara raised her hoof. "I've got one!"

Twilight smiled in relief and looked towards her "Yes? What is it?"

"What should you do if you want to be more than friends with somepony?" Diamond asked, eager for an answer.

GDSWFDSFSDEFDS NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Twilight looked like she was bugging out, she was keeping her cool the best she could. "I… uhh… Well… you should… be really honest with that friend. And you shouldn't just spring it on them. You have to make sure they feel the same way too.....so" Twilight chuckled nervously, sweat becoming visible on her face. She obviously couldn't handle questions based off of love. Not her forte it seemed. "...any Friendship questions..not dealing with special relationships?"

Diamond Tiara rubbed under her muzzle, contemplating, and gave you a glare "...make sure they feel the same way" she said in a low voice

Then Snips raised his hoof "We got a question my liege!"

"Yes? And, you don't need to be formal. Just call me Twilight" Twilight felt a little relief, surely this would be a normal friendship question that she could more easily answer.

Snips nodded, and then let Snails ask the question "Umm, Twilight, we were wondering if you could use the power of friendship to stop evil bad guys with..."

Twilight's right eye began to twitch, as her mane started to get a few split ends "....What?"

Snips then spoke up, with valiant courage in his eyes "You know! Like with that Rainbow Power! Me and Snails want to stop bad guys with our own super awesome friendship power! So… how do we go about doing that?"

Twilight didn't say anything at first. She didn't seem to have an answer for that. She looked at the class silently. Then back to Snips and Snails. "Where did you two even get an idea like that?!"

Twilight was having a harder and harder time containing herself.

Snips pointed to you "That guy! Anon, he somehow got the power to beat up those two guys! And we want to be great too! We want to protect Ponyville from bad guys!"

Snails looked to Snips, confused "I… thought we wanted to protect all of Equestria?"

"That too!" Snips said in earnest.

WHAT?! WAS THIS AN ANIME?!

You look over to them, completely caught off guard "I'm not a hero! I just beat up two guys! That was it!"

"But Anon… you saved me from those two thugs. And that.." Diamond Tiara gave you a hug "Makes you a hero!"

G-G-GUHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOO!

"What's going on here?! None of you should be trying to beat up anypony else! That's not right and you're all too young!" Twilight was close to a blowout. Nobody was asking a proper friendship question. And she would have been able to hold it. But using friendship as a weapon? Nope, nuh uh. "And most of all! Friendship ISN'T a weapon!"

"But Miss Twilight, can't you use friendship to shoot super cool beams from the elements? and what about that awesome rai-" But before Snips could finish, Twilight finally blew her top.

"FRIENDSHIP ISN'T A WEAPON! IT'S NOT TO BE USED AS A WEAPON! IT WAS NEVER A WEAPON! END OF DISCUSSION!" Twilight started taking repeated deep breaths as the class got a little scared of her, Diamond stopping her hug and ducking a little within her own seat.

"U-umm, Princess Twilight… do you need a little air?" Cheerilee, worried about that reaction, just wanted Twilight to cool down. That was really unexpected.

Friendship as a weapon..honestly...how could any young pony think that? That was going through Twilight's head.

"P-princess Twilight?" Cheerilee called out again.

"What?...uhh...hmm?" Twilight snapped out of her haze and looked upon the class.

......

They looked… kind of scared. "O-oh… umm… s-sure, I could use a breath of fresh air. Umm… when I come back, maybe I could explain friendship to you all again. And then more questions!" Twilight put on a smile, and then rushed out the door. That was… a thing...

"Umm… class, please don't worry… I'm sure the princess is just stressed from what happened this morning. But please, when it comes time to ask questions again… keep them friendship related, please." Cheerilee gave caution to her students and tried to put down the unrest.

You however… despite all that… still needed her. Yeah, that was a bit of an overreaction. But she probably thought everyone would get the picture and ask strictly friendship questions. Not questions on love or… anime power... Seems she wasn't fully vested in love advice and such. But that was ok, you only needed her because she was an adult, a princess, and could get her point across to a kid who MIGHT be in distress… or kids in distress… and you'd feel so goddamn stupid involving her and none of them overreacted. You were sure one of them would have a crisis… mostly Diamond.

In the confusion, you duck down and move from under your table and then table to table until you reach the front door and sneak out. This would only take a moment. You hoped this was the right path. All you needed was for this all to be over. And hopefully not lose any friends in the process. Or… ruin anyone's friendships in general.

"I don't understand? I thought I explained it clearly. Maybe I need another approach. Hmmm… maybe if I put a cap on backwards? Sunglasses maybe? Come on Twilight, you can do this. You're the Princess of Friendship! Your entire job is to spread happiness and friendship all across Equestria. And if you can't even get it across to children… no, don't think like that… you just need to get tha-"

"Princess Twilight?" You interrupt her self monologue

Twilight jumped, startled, she wasn't expecting anyone. She looked to where she heard the voice and saw you "O-oh, Anon… u-uhh… hello" You caught her off guard it seems… good. A vulnerable Twilight might be a more sensible Twilight.

"Hey. Pretty crazy back there huh?"

Twilight took a moment to gather her thoughts. She didn't nod or shake, she just looked unsure. "A little, but I'm sure my explanation may have been a little too advanced. I just have to… wait" Twilight looked down at you with an inquisitive stare "What are you doing out of class?"

Oh come on… Fuck being a kid sometimes. "Hey, nothing's going on but waiting for you right now. And, I needed to talk to you about something"

"It's not anything that you THINK is friendship related, but isn't… is it?"

You shake your head. "Nope, I got your lesson down. Actually, I was wondering if I could get your help on something"

Twilight snapped to attention. Help with something? Oh boy. "What is it Anon? Does this have anything to do with your father? Did he… do something bad?"

Oh goddammit… Again, you shake your head "No, this, this has to do with something else..."

"Something else? Anon, are you having any kind of trouble?" Twilight started to get more focused and serious. If anything was wrong, she had to know. She thought maybe you weren't being fully straight with her, maybe IT is Discord related.

You nod. "Actually… I am."

"Well, whatever it is. I'm sure I can help you with it with some of my advice. Go ahead, tell me anything" Twilight said with a confident smile.

"Actually… I need you to… do something for me, if you don't mind."

"Do something?" Twilight was confused "Anon, you are aware you're in the middle of your class right? I can't do anything for you right now"

"I didn't mean now, look, Twilight. I need you. You're a smart, understanding, logical, and friendly pony. I… just need you to be there for a couple of friends… for when I tell them. Look Twilight, you're sensible enough for me to tell you. So I'm just going to tell you. All that stuff Sweetie Belle mentioned? That was about me, Applebloom, and Diamond Tiara."

"Oh is that all, I tho-...wait" Twilight then spazzes "THAT WAS ABOUT YOU THREE?! YOU'RE THE ONE WITH TWO CRUSHES?! THAT'S A REAL THING?!"

Geez… christ. "Yeah, keep it down, geez. Look, that's why I need your help. Twilight, I'm being serious. I know how girls can get. I don't want them to just run off somewhere without them coming to an understanding of what I want to tell them… or, if it gets extreme. I need an adult to help articulate what I want to tell them."

Twilight looks into your eyes, you looked pretty serious about this. She could even see a worried fear in your eye of hurting your friends. She calms herself, and takes your words seriously. "Anon, how did this all even happen?"

You explain to her everything… without revealing anything crucial or about Discord's plot. "...and I thought I would have liked being in a relationship. But after I turned down Applebloom yesterday. Yeah, I realized this whole relationship thing was a mistake. I don't love either of them, I just like them as friends.."

"Is that why Applebloom isn't at school today? I never would have guessed any of this from a glance. Why didn't you get any help from your father?"

Seriously? "Uhhhh, I dunno. He's not the type of guy for something like that"

Twilight nodded "Good point… Anon, I'll help you. If it's one thing I just can't allow. Is a perfectly good set of friendships being destroyed by a simple crush. But now Anon, I have a question for you."

Yes! backup acquired, praise be to a friendship problem that she wouldn't back down from. But, what was the question she had to ask? "What is it?"

"That horn… You're father told me he downgraded it. But, I think" Twilight tried to think of nicer words to say "He may have forgotten a few things"

She didn't believe him. That was obvious. Then again, when it came to anything you and Discord had going. Trust was a volatile thing. "You mean you don't think he did it at all, right?"

Twilight cringed a little "Well, I wouldn't put it like that. I think your father is CAPABLE of the truth… but just in case. Did he really do it? You don't need to worry Anon, you can tell me the truth. Your safety and the safety of Equestria is the most important thing. You agree with that right?"

You did actually. But Discord never did anything in your presence that threatened the world. And he certainly would never kill you. "Right, and, he did downgrade it. I think it was pretty substantial so… no worries."

Twilight sighed in relief "Thank Celestia, I thought he was going to ignore me… hmmm, he's taking parenthood more seriously than I ever imagined… I mean, here you are… at school. We're you even late today?"

You shook your head. "Nope, got here on time"

Twilight smiled and gave you a pat "Good colt, and it should stay that way, school is very very very important."

Ugh. You should have known she would have taken the time to question the horn… but, other than that. She was being pretty cool. She asked about what you had planned. You told her, and where she needed to be when it occurred. It'd be at the clubhouse of course. Diamond would get there on her own as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle brought along Applebloom. Thank god Twilight was being supportive and helpful… thank god she showed up at all really.

You felt a lot more confident now. No way any of this could fuck up. Twilight herself was ready for another bout of friendship lessons, and hopefully, a more successful questioning session.

You both went back inside, you took the same route backwards back to your chair. As Twilight went back to her chart. Miss Cheerilee asked if she was ok, Twilight let her know she was fine, and she was ready to continue.

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