• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,514 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

  • ...

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 317

Author's Note:

Chrysalis says some things
Discord offers to help
And a door gets slammed

And so you slept. It wasn't the best sleep in the world. But at least the magical warmth of the bed kept you from freezing your ass off from the ice cold water. Which that too, had become warm due to it.


The heated water, or rather, whatever was left of it that hadn't evaporated made things chaff and become uncomfortable.


You were asleep, but you were tossing and turning a few times as you did.

"..Screw this"

Suddenly you feel the blanket get snapped away from you so hard that you flip up and off the side of your bed. "W-ha?! WHAT?! WHO!?"

You look around, you get up and try to find out what just happened, your slumber being broken by your fall. When you gaze over the side of your bed, there stood Chrysalis, looking at you, just staring. And so, you stared back, wondering what was going on. Because a quick peek at the clock showed it was too early for the parenting class thing.

Chrysalis rolled her eyes as you continued to stare. "Are you going to just stare at me or are you going to hop back on here so we can talk."

Talk? "Talk about what? Yesterday?"

"Yes, and other things. I made sure we would have plenty of time to discuss this. Now..." Chrysalis stamps her hoof on the bed a few times. "Get up here so I can talk to you."

Curious, and suspicious. "You just want to talk? Really? I don't buy it. What's really going on, Chrysalis."

"What's going on? What? Do you think I'm going to chuck you out the window?" She seemed a little offended by your caution.

You duck your head down behind your bed, peeking up at her for a moment. "Maybe...I have a full double charge you know"

"Anon, for once, I'm going to be calm, sincere, and even..." She nearly spits up. "Pony-like. Now get up here before I ACTUALLY toss you out the window"

Well, she couldn't. But that did make things interesting. You were curious enough now to hear her out. So you hopped back onto your bed, laid on your belly, and looked at her.

"So, what is it?" You weren't too keen on her right now either. Considering she tried to use yesterday's mishap to get back to the hive.

"It's two things, Anon. But the latter will come depending on your answer of the former. So, let me get this out first." Her face started to contort a little, it looked like whatever she had to say, she didn't really want to say it. "I'm...ngh." She held back for a moment.

"Chrysalis? What's wrong?" She actually looked like she was in pain.

"I'm sorry, you moron!" She yells out in anger. "I'm sorry about yesterday! Even if it was caused by your own idiocy! There, I did it." She shivered and tensed. "And I'll never EVER be doing that again."

Holy crap, she apologized. And given her reaction, she meant it. "Woah, well, erm, apology accepted, Chrysalis. See? That wasn't that bad, was it?" You looked to her with a hopeful smile. "I mean. You are starting to see my point of view now, right?"

Chrysalis furrowed her brow inquisitively at you "Are you serious? Or did you really SOMEHOW pick that up from my apology?"

Welp, looks like you weren't even close. "Sometimes it's good to believe, Chrysalis. But really, I accept your apology." You chuckle about it. "And I want you to realize that it's because we're good friends that I accepted it without hesitation. That's why it's ok"

Chrysalis starts to really get annoyed. It looked like she was about to spout off. But she stopped, and let herself calm down. "You're overdoing it. I don't want to hear any more of your rubbish until I'm done. Understand?"

Hrn? "There's more?"

"Of course there is. I said there was. Because, Anon...Anon" She sighed, and let her head rest on the side of your bed as she looked right into your eyes, she entered a serene sort of melancholy. "I didn't want to lose you."

No way.... You gave your leg a quick smack, but nothing changed, you weren't dreaming. "You really mean that?"

"I do. Anon, I've thought about our friendship. I've thought about the amazing things humans are capable of. Cars, spaceships, weaponry, murder. All of it more than worthy of my attention. And all of it brought to light thanks to you. Furthermore, being around you has made me realize that once I do conquer Equestria, it'd eventually become tiresome. Perhaps you poisoned me on that one, Anon. I touched the forbidden human treasure and now my thirst for conquest needs more to be quenched. Anon, I can see myself on my throne, bored with terrorizing ponies, I'd be in need of something to make the day go by. A good movie, a pleasant talk of new ways of making them miserable, perhaps owning and riding one of those star cruisers, many things actually. To be forever bored would be a crime within itself. In other words, I'd want you by my side because I really wouldn't want it any other way. On my terms, you are my friend. And I would protect you, even from your own foolishness, if it meant keeping you around"

Chrysalis looks at you with big soft eyes. "Anon, forget these ponies. They only know you on the surface. As a colt. But I know you as a human. If they ever found out, they'd never look at you the same way ever again. Surely you see that."

You couldn't believe it. Not only did she sound sincere, she looked it too. It was so natural that you swore that this meant, for sure, she meant everything. The problem was that she MEANT everything in a way you couldn't follow. "Chrysalis, I can't. I won't betray my other friends. I've already gotten past the fact I used to be human. I'm sorry."

Chrysalis's soft expression became that of aggravation as she raises her head and narrows her eyes at you "I bet you are. I poured my heart out, Anon. I meant every word, and yet you still foolishly cling on to the pony way. Well then, the only thing I can do it seems is change the rules of the game."

The rules? There were rules? "Chrysalis, c'mon, it's never ending at this point. You're never going to convince me. And while it's seemingly impossible for you to see it, I know that sooner or later you'll understand how pointless being evil is. It already sounds like you may have realized something if that's your reason to have me around. Chrysalis, we can have as much fun as you want if you just stop being evil. It'd make things so much easier. I mean it. Being evil is lonely, it sucks. So why? Why still be evil?"

"Hmph, because" She gives you a cruel smile. "It's what makes me feel soooo good. I'd rather have those times where I'm bored than suffer the pain of the good will of the ponies. But you see, what's why I'm changing the rules, as yes, I've seen the pointlessness in convincing you. Especially after my torn heart felt explanation fell on deaf ears just now. First, everything for you is the same. You can continue wasting your time trying to convince me to change."

She really was hurt, you could tell in her tone of voice that she was frustrated, with a hint of stinging rejection. It made you feel sorry for her, that you couldn't give her what she wants. But you had other friends, you didn't want to hurt them or disappoint them. And after watching Starlight last night, you could never even fathom betraying her. In fact, you couldn't wait to see her again and hear how everything went from her own perspective. It'd probably be cute.

"Then...what's different?" You ask

"I will no longer attempt to change your mind. Which incidentally means I'll be nicer to those who really don't deserve my time."

Wut? "Uhhhh, then what's the insidious evil part of this rule change? Because I know you, it's in the fineprint somewhere."

"Nothing insidious, Anon. It's more political than malicious. You see, all I want from you is a friend's promise that should I free myself from this illusionary coil, you will join me at my side. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. In other words, things would be smooth sailing for you up until I escape, is that fine with you? In which then, through a friend's promise, you'd be mine without complaint. A fair trade for my compliance, I think."

What kind of rule change was that? You could never do that. "Chrysalis, that's...look, if you ended up escaping, I'd most likely be stuck here while some force brings you down. Or I'd have to go and stop you myself. I can't just agree to join you, I can't"

"Anon, I'm making things easy on you, how could you not accept? I'm trading in treating you maliciously for having you yourself should and if I escape to my hive. We both know I haven't figured anything out yet, so you'll be fine. You do trust in your own ability to keep me contained, don't you?" She gives you a pouty face as she bats her eyes.

Thinking about it, it did sound pretty good. You knew she had no way out, or else Scrappy would have mentioned something. And if she'd be more willing to play ball, then all the better for you. Yeah, if she really means it, then you have no real reason not to accept. There's no way she could get to her hive anyway, even if she was planning something. "You know what? Sure, I accept."

Chrysalis gave you a happy little smirk. "I'm so happy to hear that, Anon. So much so that I think you deserve a reward."

A what now? "A reward? Um, I dunno. I just want to go back to bed. I'm good"

Chrysalis chuckles as she climbs onto your bed, fillyfying herself as she does, speaking with a sultry tone and giving you bedroom eyes. "I think you misunderstood. you can't say no."

You tensed up, not this again. She looked so damn cute and...oh boy. "Chrysalis, c-c'mon, I have a marefriend. B-besides, all y-you do is blue ball me"

Chrysalis slowly moves up and presses your forelegs back with her own as she lays on top of you, bringing her nose to yours. "Mhmm, but sometimes your lust does get mixed with love sometimes. Since you care about me, it makes for a delicious little snack." She licks the side of your cheek and giggles into your ear "You can't deny me, Anon, you never could"

You were beat red, frustrated and aroused. She was NEVER going to give it up. "T-this is wrong...and NGH!"

She gave you a gentle kiss on the lips, And cuddles, bringing her head to the side of yours, onto your pillow, and closing her eyes. "Have a good rest, Anon. And don't think about it too much. I'm always in a better mood when I'm well fed."

You tried adjusting yourself, but she was too strong, and cuddly, and huggy and… Ugh, and she was draining you harder than usual, weakening you. She was doing it on purpose to sap your strength and make you less resistant. "Y-you know, if you're going to do this to me. You could at least let me try it at least once"

Chrysalis giggled as she cuddled you a little tighter and sighed a happy sigh. "Don't be a moron, Anon. You wouldn't even last two seconds anyway."

.....Dammit. "I-I mean, w-we could find o-"

Chrysalis places her hoof gently on your muzzle to hush you and slows her draining. "Don't be silly, Anon. You have a marefriend. Though, she wouldn't be happy to see what we're doing either way. I do this because it's good food, and because it's more fun to torment you this way. Especially since it won't lead to you idiotically ending yourself. And of course, don't forget.." She began to gently whisper in your ear. "The moment I free myself, you're mine either way." Of course, she meant that platonically, but still.

Dammit, you had to keep Diamond in your thoughts. In your thoughts, in your heart. Goddammit, mini-Anon, you did love Diamond. But dammit, it'd be so long until you got your dick truly wet. The blue balls were real. It was even more difficult to get back to sleep due to it. She was right on top of you. All this teasing and she never EVER wants to go all the way with it! Dammit....forget it, Anon, Diamond would never forgive you if you did the nasty with a bug. At least, if Chrysalis keeps her word, things should get easier.

Still...the fact that Celestia can be upon you at anytime, it irked you. But you kept in mind that you accepted it, even believing it could be key to reforming Chrysalis. What a mess.

It was hard to sleep. You just couldn't do it despite being drained."Chrysalis?" You would whisper from time to time. But she was actually asleep in her filly form as she cuddled into you. It went from arousing to just cute.

You reached your hooves around her and gave her a gentle hug. Sure, awake she was a mean queen. But asleep? She was like a kitten. It was like having a little sister, scared of a nightmare and seeking your protection. Well, that's how you imagined it for a second.

Her rule change. Even if she succeeded, would she even expect you to keep your promise? Not like you had long to even consider it.

Celestia, Thorax… How would Chrysalis take it once it happens?

It doesn't matter. All you could do is be there for her once it does. You hug tighter, you thought on why it was this important to you. You could just end it. You could just destroy Chrysalis and gain the glory of being the first to truly end the changeling army. End this torment while doing the good all would expect you to do.

But you couldn't. And the reason why Starlight doesn't quite compare when it comes to mutual level of understanding? Well, you doubt Starlight would approve of the movie "Goodfellas" or your darker side and views. But Chrysalis does, you didn't want to lose that.

Essentially, you were sharing the best parts of your humanity that you cherished with the only one who was that curious about it. You really were a schmuck if that was some of your best reasoning, it was pathetic to think that you obsessed over this just because Chrysalis was on your level when it came to "humanity", but perhaps that's what it truly was. But you also had to keep in mind that if she had her way, she'd ruin the world, and you'd lose your friends. This really sucks.

So you laid there, contemplating, but also hugging her as you imagined her as a nicer little sister you could protect. That'd be nice.

"...Anon?" You hear a voice come from the floor door, the voice of the pipsqueak himself.

Shit… "S-scrappy?" you say in a low voice.

Scrappy flies up to the ceiling and looks down at you with an angry face "What are you doing with the queen?"

Uhhhhhhhh… "U-uhm...she came to rest with me?" You keep your voice low. And yet, if you had to, you'd have to throw her off to dodge Scrappy's attack.

Scrappy was looking upon you, then Chrysalis, noting her filly form. He'd seen her do it before, So he believed you that, perhaps, Chrysalis chose to rest with you. "Ok, I guess if the queen thinks it's alright." He then smiles at you. "So how are you?"

Wut? What a shift… "U-umm..fine? Just waiting for Discord to show up"

"Oh. Erm..speaking of showing up" Scrappy's smile became wider and more cheerful. But he kept his voice as low as he could. "Have you ever met your other self? Because erm, I was wondering if you'd know when he would come back. I noticed Sweetie Belle sorta liked him in some weird way, and I like him too. And if I captured him, it'd make her very very happy. And I'd be happy if she was happy and I'd be happy also because he's pretty neat."

Wut?! Your right eye began to twitch. This fuck came to ask you that?! How could Sweetie Belle even still like him?! The guy doesn't even live here! Unless...

Ugh, it's girl shit, isn't it? Charmed by a faraway prince who took notice and laid on the charm. Fuck this noise. "No....I have never met him. And I don't know when he'll back. Did you seriously come into my room to ask that?” You were trying really hard not to sound snarky or raise your voice.

He shook his head. "Nope, I just thought I'd ask. I actually wanted to report to the queen and tell her I haven't found anything yet. In my midday report yesterday, she said she couldn't go anywhere but Ponyville when it comes to the portal. But I can still go anywhere, so I wanted to ask if she'd want me snooping around in Canterlot."

OH GOD NO! "Scrappy, you shouldn't ask her that"

"Why not?" He tilted his head in confusion

"Because..." You needed to think of something. "Because, I...already checked. And there's nothing there. You really should just stick to Ponyville anyway. Everywhere else has much better security."

Scrappy narrowed his eyes at you "Are you saying I can't handle it?"

FUCK! THINK! THINK! "Well, no. It's just.....Master..Applebloom probably would get really upset if you got caught or spotted. She'd be super worried. Maybe even...worried sick?"

"Worried sick? I think I've heard of that...Oh no" Scrappy's eyes went wide as his wings fluttered "I-I can't let Master Applebloom get sick."

"Y-yeah, so. Don't worry about mentioning that kind of thing to Chrysalis, ok?"

"Mhmm, got it. I..better go back and check on Master Applebloom..." He slowly hovered down towards the portal door and set the dial to Ponyville. But before he went, he had one more thing to say. "oh, and Anon..."


He opened the door and looked about, making sure no one would see him just appear. "Why do you smell roasted?"

Dammit...Did you still stink of blasted baby magic? "I ate some roasted chestnuts."

"Oh, ok then. bye Anon, I'll report to the queen later when she's awake."

You return his goodbye as he leaves. Then give Chrysalis a small shake, still asleep. God, you now felt stupid saying all that with her so close. But if Scrappy was fine with it, then surely he could tell if she was feigning sleep. Just forget about it, Anon. She would have lost her shit if she heard even a shred of that conversation.

But then there was Scrappy himself...

Dammit. DAMMIT! How could he like that other you more than you?


"That's it, if I ever see his face, I'm going to pummel it and stick my horn into his eye..No, I'll blow his mane away and make him bald. That'll show him.....yeah....mmm" Ergh....what's the use? You had your chance, and you didn't even take it. Stupid fucker.

So you laid there, raging silently, Chrysalis woke up with a yawn another hour later, around the same time the floor door opened again, Discord floating up through it. Chrysalis was quick to hop off and change back to her original form as to not draw Discord's complete suspicion. In fact, despite seeing you were awake, she quickly shifted to anger and moved the pillow from under your head. "Get up, you twerp"

Welp, so much for sincere. "You don't need to be mean about it." Sheesh

Discord notices at the last moment, only finding it somewhat strange. "Chryssy, how odd. You're here. Well, that's no fun" Discord held up a pogo stick with cuff locks on it. "I had a really interesting way of springing you from your slumber." He tosses it away into a portal he opens for a second and shrugs "So much for that." He then smirks at her. "Didn't expect you to be a go getter so soon."

Chrysalis turns back to him with a leer. "The only thing I was getting was this lazy friend of mine. I want to get this over with as quick and painlessly as possible."

"’Painlessly’ she says" Discord snickers. "Considering how hard you failed to get at me yesterday, that's probably your best bet. Getting through these classes quickly, I mean. The longer it goes, the more victories I'll chalk up"

You expected her to reply in anger. But instead, she ignored him and looked toward you as she pointed down to the floor. "Whatever...Anon, hurry up. Didn't you have a comfortable rest in that bed of yours last night?"

You didn't know whether to find this cute or exhausting. But fine, you yawn and hop out of bed. "Yeah...reeeal comfy." You then turn your attention to Discord. "Alright, ready. And.." A snack bar appears on your hoof. "Wha?"

"Your breakfast, Anon. it doesn't seem like much, but trust me, It's filling. I'm with our resident queen on this one, I want to get this over with as soon as possible as well. Since we all know that if I really was a parent, that'd I'd have mastered it within a few hours. This is all just formality"

"Y'know? I'm with you as well, I thought it'd be interesting, and Mrs. Muffin top is nice but..." You chomp down on the snack bar. "I have things I need to do."

"Unfortunately, we still have a little ways to go before it's all over. So let's all do our best. Maybe we'll be let off early if.." Discord stretches his arms and grabs both you and Chrysalis and hugs you both close. "We show just how great we work together." He then lets you both go as he adjusts the portal door to Fluttershy's and opens it. "I mean, after yesterday, I'd think our dear Chryssy took enough abuse and loss for one lifetime"

Chrysalis grit her teeth, feeling anger from his words. But she amazingly held it in. "I was simply out of my element. But seeing as you seem to be wanting a truce, I assume something else has bothered you."

"It's probably the fact that he really hates that this IS a punishment brought upon us by Twilight. That's what it is, right Discord?" You ask

Discord started to rush the both of you as he answered, annoyed by the mere mention of Twilight's name. "Yes, yes..That's it. So come on already, Fluttershy is already waiting and it'd make her simply delighted if she saw you, Anon, awake and ready to go"

"Hey, you don't need to tell me twice. Making Fluttershy happy is as important to me as it is to you" And with that, you put on a cute little smile.

The three of you meet with Fluttershy. as usual, she was happy to see you all up and ready to go, especially you. She hugs you,Discord, and Chrysalis. Chrysalis taking it like a champ as per the deal.

You all head off towards the classroom, wondering what Muffin Top would have this time.

But when you all arrived. Everyone, including Muffin Top, was outside. Everyone seemed kind of annoyed at her. You wondered why.

"So you really don't have a key? How could you not have a key to your own classroom?" Spoiled Rich said, this time dressed in a more stylish attire, with a large white sun hat and holding a parasol up.

"I was only renting the classroom, don'tcha know. They never gave me a key. But I swear, I kept the door unlocked when we all left." Mrs. Muffin Top said as she turned towards the knob and twisted it again. "I'll just go around to the cooking class on the other side and open the door from there.....once the teacher arrives to unlock her door"

"Oh dear, what's going on?" Fluttershy went and asked Mrs. Cake as you all approached.

"Oh, Fluttershy. Well, it appears somepony may have accidentally locked the door. Some of the others are getting antsy too, oh dear." Mrs.Cake said. She sounded ok, she didn't seem annoyed or aggravated, just a little worried.

"We've been waiting for about ten minutes now. I feel I have to do something, I could just go get a locksmith to sort it out." Mr. Cake suggested to his wife.

"But would they charge Mrs. Muffin Top? Oh..." Mrs. Cake sighed. "I don't want to cause any trouble for anypony else. We could just wait. As long as the twins are ok. We can wait a little longer."

"Excuse me" Discord said, grinning as he slithered in between Fluttershy and Mrs. Cake. "But did somepony said they needed FREE help? Well, look no further. I'd be willing to help everypony open up the door. Not only would it be to my own family's benefit. But it looks like it would help our dear teacher as well from suffering revolt."

"Oh Discord, would you?" Fluttershy looked at him with a cheerful grin. "I'd really appreciate it if you helped everypony"

"Ahh, have no fear and do not worry. I was going to do it whether you liked it or not. And the fact you like it makes it soooo mu-huh?" Discord hears the doorknob turn.

All of you turn to look at the door when you realized there was in fact, one person missing from the group. And it was the one opening the door.

"Ah ha! Good morning, Everypony! I'm glad you're all here. I was just finishing up yesterday's study of the science of parenting. Using what I've learned thus far, mixed with Mrs. Muffin Top's lesson planner I happen to have found. I have learned many things indeed. But I can't help but think that I still may be missing a few key elements. So I cannot wait to see how today's lessons will pan out. It's going to be just smashing!" Time Turner says with a grin as he walks out the door.

"Woah, wait." Thunderlane said. "You've been in there, like...all day?"

"Huh?" At first Time Turner seemed confused, then he laughed "Oh no, young stallion. That's preposterous. I had to venture out just once to acquire nourishment. Then I locked the door so I can remain undisturbed until I was ready. I even brought in some of my supplies to help test a hypothesis or two."

Spoiled Rich was NOT happy to hear that, her right eye twitching in anger. "So, do you mean to tell us that you've been there the entire time? Awake? And you didn't hear us knocking all this time? And in not noticing. We had to stand here, in the sun..."

"I...err...suppose that may be the case" Time Turner said. He seemed a little off put by how Spoiled worded it.

"Hrn, Is that so. Mr. Turner, I'm fascinated with your work. Would you mind stepping, say, two steps closer from the door to explain more?" Spoiled Rich said. She looked calm, but that eye was still twitching.

"Ahh! You're interested? That's wonderful! Of course I'll fulfill your request if it gives me a chance to explain what I've learned thus far." He was delighted, and did as Spoiled Rich asked.

"Now, Sweetie Pie, don't you think, considering where we are, that we should demonstrate some good ole' fashioned patience?" Filthy said. Worried his wife was about to explode, and he didn't want there to be a scene.

"Oh, don't you worry about that dear. I'm very patient." Spoiled then looked down to Diamond. "Diamond Tiara, do you remember when I told you that if something is bothering you, slamming a door is a good way to release stress?"

Diamond Tiara nodded. "Yes, mother, you said it was also a good way to show everypony that you shouldn't be bothered"

"Exactly, that is exactly it" Spoiled Rich reaches for the door, and slams it right on Time Turner's face. Enough to make him stagger and see stars "And it works too. I already feel better" She smirked as she saw Time Turner wobble.

"Aheheaha...heh...ogh..I-I think I need to change my study to astrology for the rest of the morning. I-I'll c-come back later for the cliffnotes" Time Turner said in a stupor, half his brain also telling him he may have fucked up really bad. And in terms of flight or fight, he chose flight. "I also may need to apply some medical aid..for...my face" He walked off, wobbling and dizzy. Practically everyone turned their looks to Spoiled for what she had just done.

"Hmph, don't look at me like that. Not unless you want to make something of it" She made a threatening glare. Holy fuck, it could rival "The Stare". Because just about everyone just turned away from her, not wanting to say anything more.

"Ahrm" Mrs. Muffin Top said as she started to walk inside. "I-it seems Mr. Time Turner will not be joining us today and....ohg.." She looked into the classroom, which was now looking like a science lab with his custom desk set up in the center. The room was filled with beakers, vials, notes being messy everywhere, and racks. Hell, the floor was littered with discarded balled up paper. It was one hell of a mini lab. "...hrn.." Mrs.Muffin Top closes the door, leaving it unlocked as she turned to face all of you "Well, perhaps we should take our lesson outside."

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!