• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,266 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 306

Author's Note:

Tonight!

A true Author's note.

(This, the teacher right here, did not sit well with any of the old readers either. Hell, they didn't even pick up from her cutie mark and family photo that she used to work a casino, hence her ability to read Anon. I'll say it right now, I wanted to go further with her. But first of all, just to mention it, Chapter 318 was the original ending to the story.....or rather, an abrupt halt to the story itself. Then after a small hiatus, i came back and finished the story in a rather terrible haste. But now with Book 2 on the way after Book 1, I'll be able to get into the groove of things once again.)

When you both reappeared, you were in some sort of empty classroom.

The only thing around was a desk, a blackboard, a front door with a window on each side beside it, and two doors near both ends of the blackboard. On the left is a normal looking door. And while the right is also the same, you and Discord can smell something good and buttery on the other side of it.

Above the blackboard is a wide picture frame, holding a picture of what seems like a fishing dock. There's a few ponies in the picture as well. On the left side were two swanky looking pegasi males, each grinning while they wore some nifty red vests. They both had well groomed black manes and peach fur. They had their eyes closed so you couldn't tell their eye color, but they were definitely twins. They stood beside a much older, kind of portly pegasus pony wearing red glasses and sporting a tied top mane. The mane color was both a darker brown and a greyish white, her eyes were emerald green but you couldn't get a glimpse of any of their cutie marks due to standing so close to one another. On the furthest right was a very young Earth mare with cute overalls and a backwards red cap, she was closing her eyes with a happy little grin and also featured a grey coat with a black mane. Next to her was a very fat yet young earth stallion in the same attire and same fur color but with a mopley brown mane. And finally was an equally fat old earth pony with a golden fishing rod beside him and a huge beard adorned his chin and a messy mane on his head, also with the same attire as the two ponies on the right and sporting a gold tooth in his grin. They must have been a family, or still are.

The desk had a few things on it. papers, pens, and a...wedding photo in black and white. If you were right, they must have been the two most middle ponies from the family picture. Except the fat guy with the golden rod was wearing a tux and had no beard. And the old pegasus pony was slim, her mane was beautiful and flowing, with some covering her right eye ,and just like the family picture, they looked very happy

"Ohhhh, I could already tell this is going to be really boring. How am I supposed to work my magic when everything is so drab. I might have to offer my services as a masterful interior decorator to get this place looking a little more lively." Discord was lifting up the wedding photo and taking a look before putting it down. "I mean seriously, is this a classroom or a house sale we just so happened to miss? There's nothing here."

You sighed, you were still thinking about Chrysalis. Even thinking some dangerous thoughts. some extreme thoughts to get your way while battling yourself to not think them as they bordered on evil itself. "I guess"

"You guess? Come on, Anon, don't be this way. Take it from me. If you stay in a slump you won't be able to think of anything that can help you.with your problem. And then that problem becomes my problem. And then it becomes annoying. And then I'll be in a slump because you're in a slump. And then who is supposed to bring the real fun and joy to Equestria? Pinkie Pie?! Pffft, nope. She's can't handle that pressure. She has no talent for it"

But you just couldn't muster anything up. Not even a giggle.

"Anon..." Discord sighed "If you can't do it for me, do it for Fluttershy. You don't want to break her heart do you? If you can't pull yourself out of this now, you won't be able to do it later."

"I know...Give me a second...please" You tried. You fucking tried. You sat there, pondering. If you could think of just one thing, it might lift your mood.

But what? Discord could only stall the princesses, and that wasn't good enough.

But...wait. He mentioned Starlight.

And although Starlight seemed against having Chrysalis around. Maybe if you discussed the situation with her, she could help you think of something. She was pretty smart after all, she did manage to take over an entire town and come up with some insanely ridiculous spells like cutie mark removal. Maybe through her, you could have some hope.

But would she help you?. Maybe not, but it was an option. In fact, you'll have to see if she's still in the town tonight or if she went to the Crystal Empire already.

You just had to hope

And that hope was really little. You were still having trouble smiling or being upbeat.

And then you heard a soft gentle humming.

The portly pegasus mare from the family picture came into the room from the door on the right, with mitted wings as they held a silver plate with six fresh baked muffins on top. She was humming a gentle song as she placed the plate onto her desk and whipped her wings to remove the mitts and have them fall to the right of the plate.

She took a sniff and smiled at her work "How heavenly, I'm so glad the baking class let me use their ovens. A bunch of sweet kids, don'tcha know." She said to herself with a giggle, her voice was a motherly yet Canadian like..or maybe something else? It sounded northern at least. But the most curious thing about her was her cutie mark. It was four playing cards. Diamond,Spade,Club, Heart.

That must be Mrs.Muffin Top.

When she looked up, she noticed you and Discord. And instead of being frightened, she just smiled at the both of you. "Oh, hello there. I don't mean to upset you two boys but class is tomorrow, don'tcha know. Or did you have a few questions about it? Either way, I don't mind answering any questions you might have"

Discord turned back in surprise. He wasn't expecting her to show up. And the way she acted so nonchalantly at his presence irked him. He gave her a slightly menacing glare as he coughed into his paw and stepped closer to her. "Excuse me, but your attitude surprises me. Don't you realize who you're talking to?"

She nodded with a pleasant smile "Mhmm, you're the spirit of chaos, Mr.Discord. A pleasure to meetcha, don'tcha know. I've seen you in the papers and Princess Twilight has gone over a few things about you already. Even asked me to be careful but….." She tilted her head as she smiled "I happen to think parents are the most wonderful and most trustworthy type of ponies... and griffons…. And well, anything else that knows the joys of children. So all I have to say is welcome to my class, and would you like a muffin?" She slides the plate towards him "Their freeeeessshhh!" She exclaims in a sing songy way

Discord just looks down at one, then at her, then at one again and stares. "I don't even know where this has been."

"The oven" She smiles at him, and then finally, she notices you. She noticed you were bent over and depressed. She comes out from behind the desk and walks over to you "Oh dear, you look so sad. What's the matter, hun?" She already looked incredibly worried.

You looked up at her. That sweet face. Ogh, why did she have to look at you like that? She didn't know you.

She didn't approach you further, she instead planted her butt right in front of you and began to speak with you in a concerned tone. "What's wrong, hun? What's got you so gloomy?" She gently raises your head with her hoof so she could get a good look at your face.

Discord crossed his arms, feeling a strange sense of jealousy. He let out a "hmph" as he stared for a moment before speaking "My son is dealing with a very complex issue at the moment. Something that the likes of you has no way of fixing. In fact, if you want to see how it's really done, why don't you step aside while I work my magic." Discord was feeling both protective and competitive about cheering you up. He's failed thus far, but he wasn't going to let his "Teacher" and "Judge" see that he was a bad father.

But there was something about her. She seemed so sweet and caring. And that soft motherly touch. Just like with Fluttershy, it really got to you. "I-I'm just worried about something..that's all"

"Ohhh, well hun. Don't you worry. Momma Top is gonna fix that frown. How would you like to have a muffin? Or would you like two? You could have as many as you like, don'tcha know. I don't mind, I only made them for practice anyway and they sure do smell good. Then we can talk about what's bothering you" She must have had one hell of an instinct because she instantly cared about how you were feeling just by looking at you.

Discord scoffed, unaware he was being ignored "Bribery? hah! How elementary. How could you even hope to understand the complicated feelings he's feeling right now? Now step aside. And let me show you how it's really done."

"I can't talk about it. It's just something I need to personally deal with" You tell her.

"Oh, I've heard so much about you already, don'tcha know. The heroic little colt. Dont'cha worry, hun, if you don't want to talk about it you don't have to. But I don't want unhappy children in my classroom. So why don't you tell Momma Top what she has to do to get you up and running again. It can be anything, I'm even willing to bet two hundred REAL bits to your happiness that I can get you to smile if you at least give me a hint." Her smile was sweet.

but....holy fuck did she just..?! She just said “real”.... "U-uhh, a-are you serious about the bits? I mean, I don't need them but, isn't that a lot?"

"Hun, Me and my hubbie are pretty successful in our own right. I'm even willing to go double on the bet just because I'm feeling pretty confident that I can get that grin. Either way, you're gonna be pretty happy, don'tcha know. So what do I have to do?" She looked pretty confident and yet still motherly about it.

"Oh ho, I'm going to pull out a chair for this disaster" Discord literally makes one appear as he sits and watches "Maybe I'll buy the classroom from you afterwards and have my own class, perhaps the philosophies of chaos and such."

"Look, I don't think there's anything you can do ma'am. I shouldn't have even come here. I'm sorry." You apologized, it’s all you could do.

"Hmmm" She pondered for a moment as she examined your face "Trouble with a friend. He or she might be a troublemaker, but you care enough to not want to do anything to hurt them. But you're afraid something might or is going to happen. Ohhh, and it looks pretty bad too with the way your muzzle is turned. Am I somewhere in the park?"

....da fuck? Who was this mare? She was mostly right. How did she? "..How did you-"

"Know? it's part of my old profession, don'tcha know. And I was a master at it. Really good, but enough about me, hun. Let's talk about you. What's the problem?"

Maybe you could tell her a little bit. If only because you were interested in what the fuck she was doing to figure that much out. "W-well. I'm good friends with somepony who not a lot of other ponies like. In fact, something is going to happen that's good for everypony except her. It’s going to make her hate me and be angry for a very very very long time. I want to stop it, but I know I'd lose so many other friends if I did. I just don't know what to do"

"Hmmmm, now that's a toughie." She was paying close attention to your face. Was she reading it somehow? "I might actually lose this one. I don't think I've ever seen such a complicated face on a colt before. This must be a pretty heavy secret, dont'cha know. Well, Momma Top is going to take a crack at it anyway. I feel your friend doesn't fit in regular society. Given that your father is a spirit of mischief and chaos, I can take a guess that this isn't your garden variety friend. Maybe even somepony that's hated among others, and not just the ponies around you. But let me tell you something, Anon, listen to ole Momma Top. Sometimes there are things we can't control. Now I'm not saying it should or shouldn't happen, but it being out of our control is something that does happen. But I'll tell you this, hun. Friends who truly care about you last forever. And no matter what, if things were out of your control, then they will understand. And if they don't, they'll come to understand eventually, and then everything will be honky dory. If they can't understand that it wasn't your fault then they weren't a real good friend to begin with."

You sigh, you felt she was off. "It's more complicated than that. She has-"

"A lot riding on what she does. I can tell, I know how it is, hun. Doesn't look like what she does is something I'd call legal though. I won't judge though, I'm not here to judge, sweetie. I'm here to help you. That's all I want to do. Now let's see, if your friend is a friend that only really likes you but doesn't like other ponies and vice versa, then this might be something that's pretty big. I'm not surprised considering who you rub hoovsies with. But you look distraught, and as a mother of four it hurts to see such a young colt hurting so badly, don’tcha know. Because it looks like you really don't have any kind of control over it whatsoever. Anon, what I can tell you is this. Don't do anything you might regret, and put trust in your friend. If you put trust in her, she'll always see you as her friend, even if it won't be for awhile after whatever happens happens. So what you have to do, Anon, is make her feel more than a friend. Treat her like a sister, and I'm sure things will work out in the end."

Treat her like your sister?

Just let it happen? And just hope?

You already knew that...but

Why is it when she tells it. It feels right? It was like she knew. Like she was some kind of fortune teller.

But would Chrysalis really be your friend after all that? No...Muffin Top can't possibly understand. She can't.

When you look up at her, she looked melancholic

"I know I can't understand, hun. I know it's tough. I know my answer might even be wrong. Oh sweetie, I wish I could give you a definitive answer. But even if I can't, I can tell you're a smart enough colt to figure something out. But you have to trust in your friendship too. If there's no trust and you just let yourself fall apart, then you'll definitely lose your friend" She tells you as she gently wipes away a tear from your face.

D-dammit. You've only known her for a few minutes and she was already close to something. Your mind was close to breaking, you didn't know if she was right or wrong. Even if you heard it before, the way she just was figuring things out, it made you doubt yourself ,and yet it made you believe that maybe Chrysalis WOULD forgive you in the end.

You fell forward, you didn't even realize Muffin Top had caught you and held you close, hugging and comforting you like a mother would. "She's already like family to m-m-meee. I don't...I d-don't want to lose her. S-she's practically my sister. I-I don't care if s-she's bad or hated. I d-don't want to lose any of my close friends. They are closer to me than anything I had in m-my old world, e-every single one..I don't want to lose one..not anypony...no matter w-what!"

Muffin Top didn't understand what you meant by "old world". She just assumed you meant “orphanage”. But her heart was broken, she just rocked back and forth as she did her best to comfort you. "Shhhhh...let it all out, hun. I know it's hard. Oh sweetie..oh oh sweetie. Momma Top is so sorry, I wish I could do more for you" She started to tear up, and cry with you. "D-don't cry"

You look up at her, teary eyed, sniffing. You didn't mean to make her cry....it was your soft spot for the motherly or soft. You never wanted to hurt ponies like Fluttershy or her. They were too pure. Well, you didn't want to hurt anyone you liked. But ponies who were soft you felt bad about because they didn't have thick skin like tougher friends like Lyra and Bonbon would and they were always so nice to you to boot.

"L-look, I-I'm smiling. See?" You force a smile. You force a smile for a pony who was really trying to help. a pony you never met who felt like someone you knew for awhile.

"Ohhh, hun. You poor dear" She smirked at your smile, but still felt fairly awful "You're so cute, Now I know why your father chose you. You have such a big heart, don'tcha know. I'm glad you'll be in my class tomorrow. But listen to me, don't ever smile if it's not a real smile, Ok? You have to be honest. We may have just met, but I always feel a connection with everypony that steps into my classroom." She then slowly turns to Discord "That includes you too, Mr.Discord. I can see on your face that you're faking being a smuggy mcsmuggenstein, don'tcha know. I know you really want to help your son. So listen closely, because this is your first lesson. Be there for your son. Help him. Even if you want to be somewhere else, help him"

Discord sat there. He still had that smug smile but his eyes were so watery that his eyes began to slowly melt."....Do you even understand what you're talking about?"

"Not completely. I'm here to help, that's all I can do. I try to lead families down the right path, don'tcha know. As Anon's father, it's up to you to do your very best for him and help him. Not your best, but your very best. Even if it compromises your values." She said as she held you tightly and gently stroked her hoof along your back.

Discord said nothing at first.He didn't even know what to say. Then he stood up and walked towards the window and stared outside. He was thinking about you, about Fluttershy, and how utterly fucked up things had gotten. "I'm heading to Canterlot"

W-wut? "D-dad?"

That wasn't even keeping in line with things. You felt natural in saying it. You felt like naturally saying “Dad”

"Chaos is my game, Anon. I don't know if this will make things better or worse. But I'll have a little chat with you-know-who. I'll give it my very best try. But let me ask you this. You won't hate me if I make things worse...right? I won't try to make it worse. But you know me, you just never know what will happen" Discord slowly turned his head towards you with an honest and serious look. What the fuck was he thinking?

"W-wait" You nod towards Muffin Top and she let's you down. You walk over to Discord, he was talking crazy. He can't do this. Celestia will mulch him in a battle of words. And then who knows what the fuck will happen.

But you felt so touched. You've never seen him so serious to protect you and someone he can care less about. "You can't do this. ....I'd rather just do what Mrs.Muffin Top said and just be a family. That just..might be best"

"And so I'm reduced to doing nothing? Hrn, Anon. That won't do. I said I'd do my best and I've heard enough of what this pony has had to say. Believe it or not, it pains me to see you so broken up over this. And so..." Discord snapped his talons, causing the entire area to fizzle out to black. You were both alone now... "I will have my own discussion with Celestia. And don't worry, if I do somehow lose. I'll just go back to my stalling tactic"

"Discord...D-dad...If Celestia finds out you know. I..."

"You don't even know what she'll do, Anon. Celestia has been declawed and defanged for quite some time. She's more of a softie than she's ever been and the only reason she's doing this is to make sure nothing happens to her precious ponies. Well, I have a few ponies I need to protect too. Even if I don't care for the bug you yourself are protecting.."

"You're just going to go, no matter what I say. Aren't you?"

"Bingo! That's the plan. I just want you to trust in me, Anon. I, well, it's hard to say this. But I just want to feel what it must feel like to be as cared about as much as you care for somepony who, need I remind you, tried to off you several times before"

...Discord...dammit… "Discord...I...Did I make you feel like you weren't as important?"

But he said nothing, he didn’t respond.

"....Discord, I'm sorry...I didn't know. I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I didn't mean to make...anypony feel like they did...Discord. You're...You're the best Dad,bro, and friend anypony could ever have. I mean it, I mean it more than anytime I ever said it before. So much so that life wouldn't be worth living if something happened to you"

He still said nothing

"Discord?"

Then you heard a soft chuckle "Oh I'm here, I was just letting that sink in. So does that make me better than Chrysalis?”

G-goddammit "DISCORD! DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE! I'M SERIOUS!"

"Well, that answers my question. If you're serious then that's surely a yes. Well, I have a princess to defeat in the art of debate. Wish me luuuuuuck, Anon! And try to finish up with this pony. You're too emotionally attached to a ludicrous amount of other ponies already. Ta-ta!"

D-discord...that lovable cuntbag. He played you just for that answer. And yet...he was such a great guy.

But did you really make him feel uncared for in anyway? Maybe you were the cuntbag. Even after all the lessons you learned, you still fucked up. You needed to get better. You needed to make sure all your friends knew you cared. But at the same time, you had to make sure you didn't lose Chrysalis...or anyone...not one single friend.

And then, you appeared back in the classroom with Muffin Top

..Good luck, Dad...

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