• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,464 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 63

You lift your upper body up from your plop and shake your head. It was all over. But it was unbelievable the way it ended. Discord had managed to turn over the failure in a way you didn't think he knew how to.

You were too curious. You slip off your bed and open your floor door, and head downstairs. It's been awhile, but the living room was finally back to normal. You spotted Discord, who was brooming the floor, as dust just spread from the broom itself as if it was being generated by it… best not to question why.

Before you can say a word. Discord looks up at you. He was back to his original form. He plants his arms on the top of the broom and rests his head on it as he looks upon you. "You know I put you on your bed to get a little nap before dinner. It's been an exhausting day."

Exhausting? Yeah, it has been. You did feel tired. But it was negated by your curiosity. "I haven't needed a nap since I was a little kid."

"Says the little kid" Discord snickered.

You shrug his comment off with a smirk. "Whatever, You're just jealous that you're not young like me"

Discord continued to smirk back at you. Battle of the smug."Rather old and wise, than a face full of pies."

Face full of… Oh shit! You immediately weave to the left as a flurry of pies nearly graze your head.

You point your hoof and laugh at Discord "Ha! Finally! Take that Discord! Ain't gonna get hit this time!"

Discord snickered "Is that a fact?"

You nod, grinning arrogantly at him. "You bet, no matter what direction you throw them at. I'll be ready!"

Discord nodded, murmuring "Hmm, yes, I see. Well, if you can dodge them coming from any direction. How about all directions?"

Ahh shit… Before you could even reply. Pies started floating all around you. forming a sort of sugary, creamy, dome. "Fine fine! you win. Cripes, can't even play fair for once in your life, can you?"

"What fun is there in playing fair, Anon? And this isn't rhetorical. I expect a good answer… or… well.." The pies begin to shake violently.

Shit shit! Goddammit. He was serious?! Ok ok, calm down. This was easy… maybe… nope… ngh. You could only think of one thing… would he go for it? "Uhhh… The fact that gloating is so much sweeter when you decimated your opponent on an even playing field?"

"Hrnnnn..." Discord thought to himself, twirling his beard. You closed your eyes tight and braced yourself for incoming pies.

But… they didn't come. You didn't feel a single one hit you. You slowly open up one eye and look around… no pies. Discord slowly clapped. as the Broom went off on it's own to continue it's… dustifying. "Bravo Anon, I actually never thought of that until now… for that, you avoid a clown's fate."

Thank fucking christ. that actually worked. You take the moment to collect yourself. And then realize… you were still curious. And since Discord asked you a question… You look towards him, wanting your answer.

"Discord… how did you manage to calm Coco down back in Manehatten? How did you come up with all of that?"

Discord's expression became serious for a moment, then back to his jovial self
"Why Anon, isn't it obvious? I simply pulled together a few of the friendship lessons Twilight had used and learned and made my own solution. It's as simple as that."

And so you thought. What lessons exactly. Was there one that had to do with a failed reconciliation? Comforting a friend… sure. But the advice he gave, and the situation. It didn't add up.

"What lessons exactly… did you pull together?"

"Why are you suddenly being so snoopy?" Discord narrowed his eyes at you, now he was back to being serious. His joyful disposition disappearing.

Why is he being so defensive? You didn't mean to offend… but… it just seemed so off. "I'm just curious. Why is it so hard to answer the question? Just give me the episode names and there you go. We can go about our day"

But in truth, Discord didn't take from any episodes. His words, they were from growing feelings he was having. It was a lesson he himself was learning. Not to the extent a pony could learn. But he was learning at his own pace. That you yourself was more than a means to an end at this point. But he wasn't about to let you know that.

"How surprising… are you telling me that you can't even remember the morals of the show that you have to ask me for an answer you should already know? Makes me wonder if you ever took any of those morals to heart. For shame Anon, for shame." Discord put his arms to his side and shook his head at you, going "tsk tsk tsk"

Come on, you could remember them. But you were drawing blanks… "Give me a hint?"

Discord shook his head "Not even one Anon, you're just going to have to refamiliarize yourself with these lessons by actually having to learn them first hand. Of course, let's just hope you don't actually have to relearn ALL of them. That would just be tragic and speak volumes about who you are deep inside, wouldn't it?"

You sighed, annoyed. You weren't going to get your answer. And you weren't some edgelord who needed a fuckton of moral reconditioning that needed that many lessons and morals shoved down your throat. You were a good guy… You thought as much anyway. "Fine, don't tell me. Geez… after all this time. And you still can't tell it to me straight. I don't do this crap to you you know, the least you can do is show me the same courtesy"

Discord zigzagged over to you like a snake, and started rubbing your back before you could react. Uhhhh… this was weird… and yet it felt oddly nice… but… uhh... UHHH… "W-what are you doing?"

"Giving you a relaxing backrub Anon. You're being so uptight over something so simple. And yes, I'm aware you don't do this "crap" to me. But that's because you know that you owe everything to me. It'd be rude to play those kinds of games with me and you know it. But when it comes to me to you. I feel that there are some things better left unsaid. Trust me when I say this Anon. If you can't get me to tell you, then it's probably be best that you drop it. Because I'll only tell you if I want to tell you… or if you actually come up with something amusing enough for me to tell you."

And at that moment, Discord's voice turned female. "Do we have an understanding, Anon?"

Who, what?

You slowly turn backwards… and Discord… he… he transformed into a female form of himself, still giving you a back massage. "D-Discord...w-what are you doing?"

"I already told you" He… she said, making her voice more seductive "I'm just trying to relax you..." She brings her face next to yours as she rubs her paws and talons gently up your back. "Now… how about we drop the subject, and you go up to bed and wait for dinner. We can talk about other things then… alright sweetie?"

You were blushing hard, her rubbing became softer… more relaxing. And yet it was so goddamn awkward. He was messing with you. He was just trying to get you to drop the subject. "D-discord… this… this is really weird… I-I mean, you're still a guy..."

Discord giggled "Oh I know..." She/he...whatever...moved up to your front and started gently scratching under your chin… Oooooggghh… "But you don't actually seem to care… now do you?"

Dammit… you just wanted to know how he managed to do it. Now he was teasing you in the most awkward of ways, You didn't know what to do. "Come on… stop. This is just, really weird."

Discord looked into your eyes, he could see so much confusion. "What's wrong Anon? Can't decide if you want me or not? Do you want a little sugar?"

Your face turned completely red. He wouldn't… he wouldn't… right? RIGHT?! Your mind goes blank. And you slowly nod.

"Ok Anon, close your eyes, and you will get a biiiiig surprise." Big surpr...OH SHIT NO!

You immediately jump backwards and hide behind a table. Looking at the femDiscord in fear.

But when you looked at him, he was just holding a really big pie. Discord, still in female form, looked at you, and then the pie, then back at you, he was confused "When did such a classic joke become "sick"? Children these days, I'll never understand them."

You took huge breaths, and tried to calm yourself. "I-I… t-thought it was something else… I..."

Yeah, just leave it alone. If you were going to get your answer. You would have to come up with a way that he couldn't counter. Because this… THIS… was too much. You didn't care that he… she… was hot. It was still him.

"I… think I'm just going to go up to my room… and… nap.." You shakingly get up and hobble to your room. You couldn't… just couldn't. You really thought he was going to… yuuuucckkkk…

Discord giggled and waved to you "Have a good nap Anon, dinner will be soon. We can have a chat then."

Discord watched as you went up to your room, and chuckled as he transformed back to his original self. "Well that was fun… I wonder what he thought I was going to do? Hrnnnn"

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