• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 150 - The Nightmare Night Arc

"...shit..."

You give your leg a look. It looked fine now. You didn't expect that guy to actually be violent enough to break it. You were so damn lucky you had the horn.

You look back at the fallen griffons. You felt pretty good about beating them. Sure you had unlimited power on your side. But you beat the first two no problem, and you held your own against Sharpclaw up until you needed a clencher move to finish the fight.

Flim and Flam did indeed tell the truth. As you teleported the proof away. You took a look around the room. It got pretty fucked up. You wanted to fix it up, but you felt it was best to leave the crime scene untouched.

You zap yourself with the horn. You wanted to dress normally for once...in which you'd not be dressed in anything at all except for your saddle bag.

"There we go....I'm sure Shining has got this. I just hope those brothers are back at the meeting spot. I reeeaalllyy hope so. Because If I have to chase them down past midnight, I'll make sure my single charge will be a nightmare they'll have a hard time running from."
You could remember where you were supposed to meet. So you zap open a portal back to the road where you ran into them, and hopped in.

And there they were. Seemed they also dragged their broken down escape carriage with them. They were trying to repair it.

"It seems it's impossible brother. We used too much power to escape. It blew the entire engine"
Flim said as he looked at the steam engine. Using a lantern to light up and inspect it's parts.

"That's troublesome....And we really did what Anon told us to do. A colt, really brother? We could have at least saved one bag to try to get this fixed. Now we are to walk home. We don't even have any money for a train."
Flam closed the latch to an open spot with gears and sprockets. Then pulled the lever a couple of times, trying to get the engine to start anyway.

"Flam, normally I'd agree with you. But you saw what he was capable of. He is definitely a colt that would be our final mark if we bamboozled him. And did you not see the reaction of the little apple filly when we returned everyponys' bits?"

...and that's when you move in. You could have waited to hear what they had to say about Applebloom. But you wanted to see if they could tell you the truth to your face.
"....what about the little apple filly?"

"Only that..." Flim's ears drooped as he realized that wasn't his brother speaking, but you. It seemed Flim was a lot more terrified of you than Flam was. Hell, the fact anyone was terrified of you made your night. At least you scared someone before it all ended. "Ahhh! A-Anon, a good evening to you once again!"

Flam nodded, but had no fear or stutter to his voice. Flim, was just afraid of you doing anything like the noir thing again. Flam felt safe enough that you wouldn't. He hoped so anyway. "Indeed, a good evening to you."

You had a look around the carriage, no bags. You even zapped it to see if there was any hidden cabinets or secret latches. And although your magic opened quite a few, they we're all empty. Not a single bit to their name.
"Evening gents. I'm happy to tell you that I solved your griffon issue. You're probably going to have to give some statements when you get back to the Crystal Empire though"

And that made Flam gulp. "Statements? Whatever for?"

"Oh...nothing bad"

Flim didn't believe that. And was getting ready to make a run for it by throwing a single flash bomb. He feared there may have been some trouble with the authorities there. "N-nothing bad you say?"

"Yep" You felt so high and mighty right now. It felt so good to feel on top. Maybe it was a little bit of an evil side in you, but you kind of liked having the Flim Flam brothers fearing what you could do to them. But alas, the night is nearly at an end. And you didn't want to be too much of an asshole considering you just solved their problem.

You started to fiddle with one of the levers to the carriage. it made the nightmare moon target, still snapped in half. go up and down.

"Well....?" Flim was getting impatient quickly. he wanted to know if he had a reason to throw down the bomb.

"oh...right..."
You chuckle
"The griffons decided to pay a visit to the store tonight. One of them tried to beat me up, even broke my leg. But ehm. He didn't really understand the kind of power I had. So I beat them all down. Oh yeah, they had also been stealing your merchandise on the side. Apparently you guys made the mistake of hiring a criminal named Sharpclaw...know anything about that?"

"We...hired THE Sharpclaw? no, we couldn't have. Our hiring process was very thorough." Flam insisted. He felt sure he wouldn't have hired a known criminal. Especially since he felt he could sniff out any villain thanks to his experience and know how.

"Did you ever think that maybe the Flim Flam brothers could be...I dunno....flimflammed?"

Flam gave a gruff, he refused to believe he or his brother had made such a mistake "Can you prove that it was Sharpclaw? Do you have any evidence?"

Of course you did. Well, you didn't. but all you had to do was memorize a few things and....

Pop comes the broken claw that you snapped off with your beam of energy.
"The guy said that his claws could resist any magical force. Obviously he was wrong, but since I think I'm sort of exempt given who my dad is. I figured if you want proof. just try using any kind of magic on this thing."

"IF...that is even a griffon claw." Flim tried to hover the claw over. But he couldn't. "hmmm..."


Flam, still not convinced. Just takes the claw with his hoof instead. And tries zapping the claw with any and all spells he knew. And nothing affected it. His eyes grew wide, when he realized his mistake "...We really did hire him. That scoundrel tricked us!"

"A scoundrel and a cheat!" Flim slammed his hoof, now angry that the entire business was destroyed because of a criminal they accidentally let in.

"You mean like you two? With that cider machine or that snakeoil you were selling?"

Flam, realizing what you were getting at, cleared his throat and tried to make himself sound more innocent. "...Well, me and my brother have done a few....questionable things in the past...But we did our best to learn from our past mistakes. Our business may be gone, but it WAS a legitimate business."

".....yes, but now what are we supposed to do brother?" Flim sighed "we have no bits, we have no way to get around, and I fear we cannot use our usual methods to drum up any extra money just to get back to the shop"

"I...Don't know what we're going to do. We can sell the gems we have when we do get back. But considering we are behind on payments for the improvements on the store itself. Well, we won't have much left after we pay." Flam looked like he was actually giving up hope. As was Flim. They felt like they couldn't drum up any money through manipulation as long as you were around. Especially since apparently you stopped what seemed unstoppable to a normal unicorn.

You poof away the claw. And look to the both of them. There was something you still wanted to hear.
"Look guys, sorry to say. But that isn't my problem. But the deal between us isn't done yet. What exactly happened when you guys went back? Details..."

"mmn, I suppose a deal IS a deal. Flim, would you care to start?" Flam asked. Internally, he was actually surprised how cold you were to their predicament. But he wouldn't say a thing about it. He figured you didn't care and would probably get agitated had he said anything..

"I will, Mr.Anon. When we returned to the town. They were of course still rather hostile towards us. Particularly Miss Applebloom"

"Indeed, we almost thought they would not listen to reason. But we begged and pleaded. We knew upon returning that'd we'd not be able to make an escape. So it was a reasonable strategy"

"Very reasonable. Though, they did not think so. They descended upon us like hawks....until miss Applebloom actually came to our defense. Though, not without reason."

"No, she wanted to know why we were apologizing and returning their money. Now we knew we had one more part of the deal to seal. So we did what we did best. We lied"

Flim cringed at his brother's words. "Now brother...I wouldn't say lying is what we do best. I'd say more....stretching the truth"



"I fear brother, that such sweet words would fall to deaf ears. Mr.Anon wants to hear the truth of it all"

you nod
"I do, I don't care if you lied. Just as long as you did what I wanted you to do"
You gave them a cold look.

Flim tapped his hooves. He felt helpless. He just wanted this to end. "...yes...well. Although we did lie. We did mean in our hearts what we said. You see, we had told her that it was her that made us come back. That her honesty, her determination, and that last impressive throw of the ball. A throw powered by nothing but hope, dreams, and friendship. Had moved our hearts."

Flam nodded "My brother is correct. When we had said our own lie. We did feel there was some truth to it. It just required some thought. And just like that, our hearts had opened to the plight we caused. we then further explained to her that due to her; we would mend our ways and become honest salesponies from now on. That she herself, on her own, had redeemed us"

"....but you don't really intend to. Do you?"

"Mr.Anon, could you at least give us the benefit of the doubt? We truly tried. We simply made a mistake." Flam said, in a way to plead for some manner of care from you

"Indeed, Mr.Anon. we really did. As for your friend. She was truly happy and enthused by our words. From her reaction, we really would love to give it another shot. It's what we do, This is our talent. We don't know any other way." Flim did the same.

Both the brothers had never seen such a cold colt before. They remembered how you acted back when you first saw them at the shop. And the way you were acting now. It seemed so off to them.

But what was really going on? You were just having a little fun with them. You felt they deserved to sweat things out a little more for what they've done. In both of the episodes they appeared in, they pretty much managed to get away scott free and never learned their lesson. You wanted to make sure that this time, that they did. Even if you did have to be delightfully mean about it.

"Yes...I'm aware it's your talent. But how can I be sure you're really telling the truth? How do I know that letting you go wouldn't be a mistake? For all I know, you'd just move on to another town and swindle them"

"Mr.Anon, you have our words." Flim persisted

"...And the honor of our very names" Flam added
"
I see.....then, if you want to prove it to me....Then I want you both to do one more thing"

You turned away from them as you spoke, to hide your malicious smile.

"Anything!"

"Just name it!"


You turn around, a very evil smile on your face.
"Kiss each other"

"WHAT?!" They both yelled out

"YOU CAN'T EXP-"
You raise your hoof to stop them and then chuckle

"I can expect whatever I want. Unless you guys want me to do what I did to those griffons. Now...do it. Make it good"

They both said nothing more, and looked at eachother.

"...Well Flim....h-how are we supposed to do this?" Flam started to blush from the sheer embarrassment of it all.

"P-perhaps...if we imagine ourselves as the Princesses?" Flim suggested, as he began to sweat.

"BROTHER?! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! THEN WE'D BE KISSING AS SISTERS! THAT DOESN'T HELP!"

You started to laugh at that. That's too much.

"NO!...no!..I-I meant we'll be ourselves to ourselves...but we'll see each other as one of the princesses..i-it's simple" Flim gulped

"O-oh...w-well...I suppose I should imagine you as our mighty Princess Ce-celestia. I always did fancy her g-gentle voice" Flam said, trying...trying so damn hard..to get through this.

"A-and....I shall imagine you as P-princess Twilight. I-I think she's rather, ahrm...I think she's....rather darling" Flim said...trying to see his brother as purplesmart

oh.....christ..was he a twifag? You actually cringed a little at that. Even if it was still hilarious.

You stared intently at them. Waiting....you'd take a silent picture too. Perhaps even start a scrapbook on special moments in your new life.

they were both hesitating. only half puckering their muzzles. They closed their eyes. but didn't move their heads forward.

...This was taking forever. at first it was hilarious. having you giggle and chortle at it all. But they weren't moving. even after two minutes. They just stood there in that position.

You took matters in your own hooves and enchanted their heads to push forward into each other. It was so fast and sudden that both their hooves swung forward. making it look like such a sweet and loving embrace. Perhaps even a bit lewd with the way Flim’s tongue accidently made its way into Flam’s mouth.

You we're laughing your ass off, rolling on the floor as they turned away and spat.

"Vile!" Flam said as he continued spitting

"Disgusting!" Flim followed suit "...There....will you now stop torturing us? A-as we said. We've learned our lesson. There is no more need to torment us so!"


"I don't think so, there's still one more thing to do"
You gave them a most evil smirk, the cruelest you could muster as you began to float up. covering yourself in a black energy that made them tremble just at the sight of it.

"Please!"

"Have Mercy!"

Both the brothers hugged onto eachother and ducked their heads as your horn grew brighter and brighter with evil looking energy.


"Flim Flam brothers!"
You say in a loud, booming voice, magically thunderous enough to generate terrible winds. making them cower further.
"You have incited my will. And now, I cast my judgement!"

they began to beg and bow on their knees. throwing themselves at your mercy as you aimed your horn at them.

"You both shall be leaving....."

"PLEASE! DON'T DESTROY US!" They both yelled.

But you said nothing. And they looked to each other. crying.

"Flim...You weren't just a brother....but you are also my best friend. For the time I have lived. I'm glad it was with you"

"And I you Flam....No matter what came to challenge us. As long as I was with you, we would face it together..."

They wished each other goodbye as everything went dark for a few moments from your magic enveloping the area.

"You will be leaving..."
Then you giggled cheerfully
"....with this bag of bits I conjured up for you. It doesn't look very big. But like my bag. It should help you both out"

You we're still chuckling as they both looked up and looked at the bag.

"Y-you're not going to destroy us?" Flim asked, still pale white from fright.


"pppfffft, no. I was just messing with the both of you....though if I find out you both went back on your word. I'll seriously mess with the both of you. Like, super seriously. Take this as a sign of good will. And hope that you won't be tricking anypony anymore."

"......."
They both didn't know what to say. Flam just looked around as Flim took the bag and began to count. He was pretty quick. By the time he was done, he realized the amount of money you gave them would be enough to get them back on their hooves.

Flim and Flam didn't want to doubt or question you. They didn't want to give you a reason to be violent. And as Flim whispered to Flam how much the bag contained. Flam began to feel low. Realizing how being fooled like that really....really hurt. It made him feel foolish and stupid. No doubt, Flim felt the same.

"...Thank you Mr.Anon...for the mercy, and the bits. You are truly more of a generous pony than we have originally realized." Flim said as he wrapped up the bag around his neck.

"Indeed...we surely thought our goose was cooked."

They were just trying to cement being on your good side at this time. They didn't want you demanding anymore humiliating actions. Though, they were also genuinely thankful.

you just give them a warming, yet, smarmy smile.
"Yeah yeah...just don't go and do anything I wouldn't do. Anyway, I got places to be. So, you guys just make sure you do what I told you and we'll be alright."

"Right...yes...of course...and...you'd never tell anypony about our kiss...correct?" Flim asked, cringing . baring himself for the answer.

"Yeah fine...I won't tell anypony. Now seriously. I gotta go. Just make sure you're at the Crystal Empire when Shining Armor starts that investigation. Seeya!"

Oh....that was fun. You loved this fucking horn. Sad that only a few minutes remained before it'd pop off your head.

You leave the brothers and take a portal to Ponyville, hoping you weren't too late to finish the night with your friends. You'd have to prepare an explanation for them when they inevitably questioned you on your whereabouts.

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