• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 56

Another day passes. It is now morning. The birds are singing and the wind is warm. The sun is bright and sunny.


"Gyuuuuh!" You lift your head up quickly as you realize you are outside. Shit… Discord doesn't waste any time.

Outside… ok, so you weren't kidnapp- coltnapped yet. You stand upright and look around. Forest all around you.


You take a few steps forward, and then feel something blowing along your neck. You put your hoof to it… a piece of paper? You take it and give it a look over. "Oh, it's a note from Discord… lesse, yadda yadda remember what we talked about. Bla bla… Princess Cadence's cousin… Oh this is new… hmm… So they are waiting for me up ahead. Disguised as the CMC huh? Lesse… oh, OH… really, cutie mark in forest exploration. Ok, and this message will self destruct in one second. Ok… WAIT WH-"

You didn't even have enough time to react as the paper explodes in a spark, blowing black smoke and ash into your face. The smoke clears, and you sigh, annoyed. Mostly with yourself… "How did I not see that one coming..."

You use your right hoof to wipe off your face. Then start walking forward. You didn't even have your map with you. So no hasty escapes were possible. Oh joy… time to get coltnapped.

After a while of walking deeper into the forest. You see the rustling of bushes. And quiet girlish speaking that sounded like the CMC… Yep… here we go. "Hello?...girls..are you here?" You tried to act as innocent and boyish as possible.

And with that, the "CMC" came out from behind the bush, bearing smiles on their faces… but bearing no cutie marks… Hahahaha, they were behind the times.

"Heya Anon, glad to see ya made it! That must mean ya got our note!" Said the Applebloom.

Had to be another note. If you had to guess, Discord, disguised as a changeling, probably set this up to happen as if you were actually going to get kidnapped. There was a note, you just never got it.

"Ummm, yup, can't wait to get our cutie marks so I can make my cousin proud… and stuff."

The Sweetie Belle gave you a nod and a smile, an almost twisted evil smile "That's great! Because Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and myself found this flower just over there that we can study and figure out what it does! Isn't that neat?"

The Applebloom looked over to the false Sweetie Belle with a mean face. "...you mean Scootaloo, me, and you… who is Sweetie Belle… right?"

The Sweetie Belle looked confused "Wait… isn't he, er… she Sc-" Before the Sweetie Belle could finish her sentence. Applebloom gives her a quick whap.

You wanted to facehoof so badly. They were so… Goddamn terrible… "Is something wrong girls?"

Suddenly Scootaloo and Appleloom snapped back to "themselves" as Sweetie Belle rubbed her face from the whap.

The Scootaloo quickly speaks, a little panicy "N-nothing's wrong Anon… just those morning mind melts huh? Can never think straight when it's morning right?"

Morons… "Yeah… morning, so, uhh… the flower, it's over there right?" You point ahead past the bushes.

They all nod. The Applebloom speaks "Well, let's go and examine it already!"

They take you to an open spot where a single white flower blooms in the center. Ugh… sleep pollen probably.

"There it is" The Sweetie Belle tells you "Quick Anon, go examine it so we can get our cutie marks… in… things..."

The Applebloom whaps the Sweetie Belle again

This was soooo goddamn dumb. Whatever… time to sleep. You walk over to the flower, with each step. You could hear them snickering evilly. How do cartoon characters fall for this shit, really… You look at the flower, and give it a tap… nothing. Probably have to smell it. You lean over and give it a whiff. Nothing… "Hey girls… isn't this kind of flower supposed to… I dunno, have a sleep pollen in it or something?"

Before you could turn around. You get smacked hard enough in the head to knock you out. You fall to the ground, your vision blurring hard. Dammit… Always the head… The last thing you hear is their evil laughter as they comment on how stupid you are for falling for it. They then proceeded to chastise one among them… Probably the one who was Sweetie Belle...

Next stop… The hive.

You slowly awaken… Ugh, goddamn. They hit your pretty hard. You get up with caution and take a look around. It seems you were inside a castle… or the tower as it was. You were surrounded by three stone walls, and a fourth wall made of some green gunk. Despite the hue being green past it, you could tell you were in some dilapidated throne room. You take a look out the window… It was foggy and misty… but you could see enough that you were quite high...

This was it… Woo, it actually was a little overwhelming. Straight to the top. Discord trusted you to mess with the head honcho herself. So, whatever he was doing. It was probably to the hive itself...

You had to remain cool headed… suave… and make sure you could outwit the queen herself. This wasn't about escaping. This was about messing with her and deliberately pissing her off. And to do that, you had to reassure yourself that Discord wasn't going to let you get killed.

"Hello?...is anypony here?" Then you hear it, evil laughter. Evil female laughter. From the queen no doubt. You look around, but you don't see her.

"Well well well, who would have thought it would have been this easy..." You could hear her talking… but still, nowhere in sight. "To think that wretched princess would let her own family wander into the Everfree by himself. Hahahahahaha, that's very unlike her. Makes me wish I could feed on the irony of it… So, you are Anon, hmm?"

"Yeah, you must be Queen Chrysalis… right?"

Chrysalis giggles at the answer. then, with a shimmer of green light. You can see her eyes glowing through the green wall in a dark corner. She comes walking out like the bug she is with a victorious smirk on her face. "I'm flattered that you know that. Really I am. it saves me the trouble in explaining just how miserable your stay here will be. Because Anon, I'm soooo sorry to say, but you are going to be with us for quite some time" She gave you a face of false pity.

This was your first opportunity. It was time to muster up all that saturday morning know how and use it… because goddamn this whole damn operation depended on it. "Really?... oh" You acted stoic and uncaring. "Then can I get a blanket and a pillow?"

That catches Chrysalis immediately offguard. She expected you to cry out for help, try the window only to mock you on how high you were, or hell, cry and call out for your mother or Cadence… but instead… a pillow and blanket? "Excuse me?"

"A pillow and a blanket… You know, for me to sleep on? It's kind of chilly in here..."

Chrysalis chuckled "Oh, we have a comedian. Tell me, do you want me to serve you drinks too?"

You smile and nod. "Oh man! That'd be great! Can I get an orange soda?"

Chrysalis's smirk started to disappear "Surreee, you can have ice cream too… and maybe I can read you bedtime stories."

Before you can say anything about that, Chrysalis then slams her hoof to the ground to catch your attention as green flames flicker upwards around her. "You foolish child! You are MY prisoner and what you have is what you'll get! You think you can act brave and try to make a fool of me? You think your precious cousin and her friends are coming to save you right now, hmm? you think they are just going to come right in and stop me and my plans?!"

You shake your head and shrug, acting stoic. "Nope, I doubt any of them know where I am… geez, I just wanted to get comfortable. Is this how you treat all your prisoners? Ugh… at least Tirek had the decency to let his victims still go home."

This… this caused a noticeable eye twitch in Chrysalis. "A-are you comparing me to Tirek? Do you not realize the kind of trouble you are in? I'm about to conquer all of Equestria thanks to you. Thanks to your stupidity. Do you not realize that you will be used to bring your family and friends to their knees?"

You shrug . "Eh, things happen I guess… Now can I get that blanket and pillow?"

Chrysalis slams her hoof on the green wall, looking at you viciously. "NO! I WILL NOT TELL YOU AGAIN! YOU ARE A PRISONER! UNDERSTAND YOUR PLACE, WORM!"

You roll your eyes at her. "Geez, when I get out of here I'm just going to tell everypony that I'd rather be kidnapped by some diamond dogs. At least they are capable of compromise with their prisoners."

"THIS ISN'T A SERVICE! YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO RATE BEIN-" Before she could finish yelling at you, the door opens from behind her. a changeling, a little bigger than the others and wearing a silver helmet steps in, he looks worried

"My queen! We have a problem!"

"WHAT IS IT?!" Chrysalis turns to him, still flustered.

The changeling cowers,scared from her anger. "W-well… u-uhh… the workers… and soldiers… they started floating about."

Chrysalis took breaths to calm herself.

The changeling took a reluctant step forward. "My queen?"

Chrysalis took one more breath, Then spoke "Captain… what do you mean they are "floating"? Are they just flying around?"

The captain shook his head "Come see for yourself."

Chrysalis shifted her view to you for a moment, then stepped out the door with her captain and looked down the steps. You could still see them through the door. and hear them.

Whatever they were looking at, the captain looked scared. "B-but my Queen, they were. L-look, some of the workers look confused..."

Chrysalis rolled her eyes and stepped into the room "Captain, it is obvious to me you are hallucinating from hunger."

The captain follows. "I-I...suppose..."

Chrysalis chuckled as she looked at you with a vicious grin "Not to worry. I'll be sending you out with a small party to gather some of the local vermin for some food… but first… why don't you have a light snack? You do look like you need a pick me up"

Ahh shit… You weren't expecting this this early… FUCK… ok ok… Just., do the thing. The negativity thing.

"You're too kind my queen...." The captain turned to you, eyeing you with a sinister glare.

"Tell me Anon, tell me how it feels to know that your cousin, your parents, and your friends cannot save you from this. Have you ever been feasted upon by a changeling? I wouldn't know the feeling. But I always look into my victim's eyes as I feed… and the look on their face as their love is drained from them… it's always so… delicious. Next time, you'll remember your place."


The captain licks his lips as his horn begins to glow. And he just stands there, you just look at him, after awhile, he begins to struggle.

"Captain, what are you doing? I said LIGHT snack." Chrysalis tells him as she pushes him away.

"M-my queen… I… I apologize… B-but I… I wasn't able to feed off of him."

Chrysalis cocked an eyebrow at him "Excuse me? Captain… are you lying to me so you could feed to your heart's content? Nopony can resist us, you know that."

The captain looked really panicky. Whatever you did… it fucking worked. "M-my Queen, f-forgive me… But I'm telling you the truth. I'd never take advantage of your care."

"We'll see.." Chrysalis turns to you, unamused as her horn starts to glow. Here we go again.

She tries feeding off of you. The same as the captain. Unlike him though, you could feel a small tingle. But you still feel the same. And the Queen herself… She started to struggle, harder and harder. Until she backed off, and grew angry again, enough to lose her cool and slam both hooves on the wall this time. It seems not being able to feed was a trigger. "YOU LITTLE! GRRR HOW CAN YOU RESIST?! YOU SHOULD BE BRIMMING WITH LOVE! SCARED! WISHING YOUR COUSIN WAS HERE! NOPONY CAN RESIST US! NOPONY!"

You shrug, and give her an empty look. Boy, you wanted to laugh. This was pretty fun… you were glad that wall was there though. She looked like she wanted to tear you apart. "Look lady, I have to deal with the daily reminder that I actually played Sonic 06. There is no love to be had with that. Then there's other shit like like Call of Duty kids, the fact Megas XLR ended, that Conway Twitty thing from Family Guy, goddamn everything from Star Wars Episode 1, "The world ends with you" not getting a sequel, and Flash Sentry… Ugh… gives me a stomach ache just thinking about it."

Her eye twitched again, she turned to her captain, her voice ever quiet yet filled with rage. "Captain… leave us… I want to be alone."

The Captain hesitatingly bowed "As you wish my queen."

You watched the Captain leave as Queen Chrysalis stared into your eyes deeply, she looked angry and confused "What is your secret? How are you able to protect your love from me… me… ME! ME, THE QUEEN!" She loses it for a quick second. And takes deep breaths to calm herself down.

"I gave you a list. Do you know how it feels to go online and see a timer for what looks like a sequel to one of the best games ever? and it turns out to be some damn tablet port?! Ughhh… Now I actually feel pretty angry myself."

"What does that even mean?! What are you talking about?! HOW DOES SOMETHING LIKE THAT STOP ME FROM FEEDING?! No..."

Chrysalis steps away, speaking to herself, you could hear her "This colt. How? The only way he could resist is if he somehow couldn't love. But that's impossible. Everypony loves...Sickening, but it's the truth"

"You know I can hear you right? Look, let me give you an example. Say there was a set of games you really like, and then an HD collection came out of those games and you drop down 50 dol… bits… and then you are super excited to play… only to find out everything on the collection is a buggy unplayable mess. I'm gonna tell you right now, I couldn't even masturbate for a week after that. Don't even get me started on what happened with the new one"

Chrysalis turned to you, doing her best to remain calm. "You are a special kind of brat. You know that? You think you can spout nonsense at me and I'll accept it? You really expect me to believe that this "HD" nonsense allows you to resist me? No matter how bad the experience… everypony loves… for at least for the fact that the horrid moment is over and they can be around their loved ones."

"Try telling a guy named Chris-chan that after he saw that Sonic's arms were blue. His love and enthusiasm… gone."

"......." The queen just stares at you. She was trying to think of something else to say.

Suddenly, the Captain burst into the room in a panic "MY QUEEN! WE HAVE A PROBLEM!"

Chrysalis turned to him, silently, then groaned "What is it now? Can't you see I'm having a migraine?"

The Captain closed the door tight "The dungeon! It's suddenly flooded!"

Chrysalis face did not change, she just began to rub her forehead. "Good...maybe we can toss Anon in there and he'll actually care enough about something… like his life"

You know, having time to look at her. She looked gross in some areas..like her stomach..but..she was pretty sexy looking in the face and hair… and those teeth… unf.

The Captain shook his head "You don't understand, it's a flash flood! It came out of nowhere!"

Chrysalis's attention raised a little more as she walked over to the door to move her captain aside and look. "Flash Flood? How bad is it?”

The captain held fast and shook his head "B-Bad, we should immediately evacuate through the window!"

Chrysalis leered at her Captain and pushed him aside "Nonsense, we are on top of the tower. What we should do is evacuate the low-"

Before she could finish her sentence the door burst off it's hinges as half the room filled with rushing waters as it burst through the window that was behind a broken throne. Slamming Chrysalis and The Captain into the wall. The green wall started to crack from the water's force. No doubt this was Discord's doing. Top notch stuff… or you just thought that because this wall was protecting you from the watery slam.

Finally, the room drained as the flood began to subside back through the door. Some of the green wall cracked enough that it slowly fell apart. Giving you an exit. The Captain and Chrysalis were slowly sliding down the wall, spitting out water.
Now, you knew escape wasn't an option. But...

You looked up… there was a tattered banner hanging up on the ceiling. But the bottom end was low enough that if you hopped off the throne. You could probably...

You step out of your prison and climb onto the throne, and then, like a kitten, slowly reach and pull yourself up to the back end and balance yourself at the tippy top.
As you shake your butt to make a spring jump towards the banner. Chrysalis started coming out of her daze. "W-what happened… what?"

You jump up, and grab the banner with your teeth. You hang there, and growl and pull at it until you fall with the banner to the floor.

"CAPTAIN! GET UP YOU FOOL! HE'S MAKING AN… e… scape?" Chrysalis watches as you take the banner back through the hole in the green wall. You then wrap yourself in it and cuddle in it's warmth.

The Captain slowly recovers and tries to stand.

Chrysalis herself just stands there...staring..you weren't escaping…

Hey, this banner was actually pretty warm. Woo!

Chrysalis just stares at you… confused "What… what are you doing?"

"What's it look like? I told you I needed a blanket… think you could get me a pillow?"

Chrysalis looked to her captain, calmly. Sickeningly calm. "Captain...are you alright?"

The Captain shook himself to dry off "Y-yes my queen."

"Good… Would you mind… imitating Anon for a moment?" She asked

The Captain complied without question, but he was worried about the request "Y-yes, my Queen… I-is this to your liking?" He says as he transforms into yourself

Chrysalis nods "Yes… Yes it is.."

Suddenly Chrysalis flew into a rage and sucker punched her captain right out the window. Then took a deep breath. "...That helped....a little..."

She then eyed you, menacingly "You seem to think this is all a big joke. But you forget that you have no way of beating me. So if you thought you could continue your fun and games… you are wrong. There is no escape… In fact, I know something that will make you wish you hadn't crossed me. A nice, beautiful tale. Stay cuddled in that "blanket" of yours Anon… you'll need some sort of security after this.." She calmed herself, and even chuckled.

Oh boy, story time!

"You see Anon, we don't plan to confront your cousin… or her friends, or even the princesses any time soon. No, we plan to let them stew for awhile. Let them get worried for you… scared for you. They will send out hunting parties and will perhaps find a trace of you here and there. But never anything conclusive. They will mourn you, they will double, triple… quadruple their efforts. They will miss you. Hold services for you. The princesses will gather to give your cousin hope… to give the ponies hope. Love will amass onto Equestria like air to a balloon. It will be the feasts of feasts. We will become so powerful that nopony will be able to stop us. And we will attack from within, so nopony could mount a defense. We will rule ALL of Equestria. And it will be all your fault for being a STUPID little colt!" Chrysalis sneers and snickers at you "Tell me… how do you feel now Anon? Now that you know you've doomed all Pony kind."

Woah, that's a… pretty good plan actually. You even clap your hooves to it. "I'm impressed. That's a pretty good plan. But… I dunno, after what happened at that wedding. I question your ability to pull that off."

Chrysalis was stunned. How could you… this… colt… child… find her plan agreeable?! You were supposed to be scared and think of all the loved ones you hurt. "...What? What's wrong with you?! Don't you care about anypony?!"

You nod. "Well duh, course I do. But hey, when I hear a good plan, I gotta compliment it. But as I said. You'd probably screw it up." You look down at you hooves and start bouncing about some green rubble between them. "Yup… probably screw it up.."

Chrysalis, whether she was insane or curious...or both. was intrigued by your words. "And tell me… how could I possibly screw up?"

"Well… when you managed to take over Canterlot. You pretty much had everything in the bag. You defeated Celestia, prevented Twilight from getting the elements, and wreaked havoc across the city. But then you kind of stood there… stood there while my cousin and her husband just torched you and your entire army with some kind of love blast. Really, that was just really stupid. I could only imagine how you'd screw up this time. You'd probably start gloating and make fun of everypony… especially Fluttershy."

Chrysalis gave you a dismissive and mocking expression "And what's wrong with that? Are you honestly suggesting that I shouldn't make fun of that worthless weakling? Hahaha, I remember her… so soft, so loving, so… pathetic. Oh, if only I had the time. I would have feasted on her slowly… As for my mistake, well, I simply won't make it twice. It's that si-"

Before she could finish her sentence. you both hear crazy rustling and screaming coming from downstairs.

Oh boy… wonder who is causing that. You wondered if he heard that particular piece of dialogue.

The captain burst through the door, wet, scared "MY QUEEN! WE HAVE A VERY BIG PROBLEM!"

Wow, he's persistent. Even after getting slammed out the window. he was still loyal. Chrysalis turned to her captain, crazy eyed "WHAT IS IT!? EITHER IT'S THIS STUPID COLT AND HIS ANNOYING ATTITUDE! OR IT'S YOU! HOW DO I KNOW YOU AREN'T THE PROBLEM!?"

The Captain gulped "B-but… m-my Queen… it's.. it's..GSJFDSF" Suddenly, the Captain turned into a golden chair as he screamed a muffled, unrecognizable scream.

Chrysalis stepped back "Did he? Oh no… have I lost it?"

You smiled to yourself. "...oh, you haven't lost it."

Chrysalis turns to you, then at the door when a familiar figure bursts in. It was Discord. "HELLO EVERYPONY!"

"No… It can't be… Why?" Chrysalis's voice broke. She couldn't believe what she was seeing.

"Oh but it is! a pleasure to meet you Queen Chrysalis… Not too big of a fan, but today I thought I'd pay you a visit" Discord smiled at her, then looked down at the Captain "Do you mind if I sit down? No don't answer that, of course you don't" Discord sits down on the captain. rubbing his ass all over his chair face before settling down "There we are… all comfy. So, how are we doing today?"

Chrysalis stepped back, She knew of his power. And he just turned her captain into a chair. She dare not look at the rest of her hive. "So you're Discord… What do you want with us? Can't you see we're busy? Or were you sent here by those insufferable ponies that you have befriended."

Discord smiled at her as he produced two tea cups full of tea, he took one and sipped "Oh I could see you were busy, but I can promise you, I wasn't sent here. Care for some tea?"

Chrysalis just looks at the other teacup, and snarls.

Discord gives her a look of disapproval "Well now, sorry I asked.."

"Just state your business!" Chrysalis barked at him "If you're here to take my prisoner, then leave. I need him… as horrifying as he may be."

"Take? Oh no no no, I'm not here to take. What do you take me for, a thief?" Discord looked shocked at the insinuation.

"Then what? Do you think I'll just invite you into my plans… I know about you… I know you have a knack for betrayal… The princess's cousin is mine. Now leave… I could arrange for my changelings to ruin whatever you have with your insipid friends. They don't trust you as is."

Discord chuckled "Oh, I have no intention of joining your plan. I also don't plan on taking the Princess's cousin… I just came for him" Discord points to you.

Chrysalis was confused "What?"

You wave to Discord and rush up to him, giving him a hug. "Hey Dad! What's up!"

Discord picks you up and cradles you in his arms "Oh not much Anon, just Chaos and Anarchy… You know, the normal things."

You giggle. "Oh right, oh,hey! You know this place doesn't even offer blankets and pillows?"

Discord puts his talon'd hand to his cheek in shock "Really? Well, we'll just have to put in a complaint about that. No blankets and pillows? pffft. I bet that Sombra fellow at least offered entire beds to his prisoners during his rule. I think we'll have to put in a complaint to the owner of this establishment..." Discord looks to Chrysalis "That'd be you...right?"

Chrysalis just stood there, her mind piqued with confusion and shock. Her mouth agape. "........"

Discord put you down and hurried you along behind the stunned queen and positioned you to her side as he stood to her other side "Ok, now Anon, look forward and say "Chaos!". "

What? Oh hey, a camera… Oh.. OH.. SHIT… Now THAT made you smile.

"1....2.....3" And then you both cried out "CHAOS!"

The camera snapped the picture then disappeared. Discord and you chuckling as the Queen just continued to stand there

"Oh I hope I caught our good sides" Discord grinned

You couldn't stop laughing. "I don't think I had any sides to catch. Oh geez, Discord, Look at her, we got her so damn good."

Discord waved his paw in front of her, no reaction. "Indeed, I don't think she was able to comprehend you being my son. Oh well" He shrugs.

"Nice touch with the flood thing. She slammed right into the wall, really hilarious"

"Oh the entire hive slammed into walls, it was pandemonium! But Anon, I noticed your cage was broken when I got up here, and you were wrapped up in a banner. what was that about?"

"Oh, the water weakened the wall. So I just grabbed it so I could warm up. Man, she freaked out when she thought I was escaping. Then her reaction when she noticed I wasn't...oh man, she had her captain turn into me just so she could clobber him. Pure gold"

"She did?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA… I wish I could have seen that. Masterful work Anon, I am impressed!"

"Really?" Your smile becomes softer. Those words...

"You think I did a really good job… At causing chaos?"

Discord nods "I do, just look at-" Chrysalis cuts him off as she breaks from her confused coma and rushes at you, swearing revenge.


You cover yourself with your hooves to defend yourself. And as she dives at you, she dives through you and falls out the window, screaming.

Discord looks out the window "Hmmm… I think she's upset"

You touch yourself, you were fine, everything intact… "Oh..geez… I thought she was going to tear me limb from limb."

Discord patted your head "I told you, I wasn't going to let any harm befall you… but… we should get going now. She doesn't seem to be in as happy a mood as we are."

You nod, you super agreed with that. But then, you looked at the Captain chair. "Can we take him with us? As a souvenir?"

Discord shook his head "I'm afraid not,his look clashes with my house's decor"

"But your decor is always random"

Discord shrugs "True, but having a chair that would always be a changeling isn't very… chaotic. No, we'll leave it"

"Awww… ok. Hey, you did actually snap a picture right?"

Discord nods "Yes, and I'll get copies ready soon. For now we should head home."

Discord snaps his talons, teleporting both you and him back to the house. Before you fully phase out, you can see the queen at the window, frothing at the mouth "I'll get you! I'll find out where you really live! and you will feel the wrath of my whole hive! I will have my revenge!"

You just smirk, and stick your tongue out at her. The last thing you see is her shocked anger at your insolence before you end up back at the house.

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