• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 136

The next day comes, the day… Nightmare Night.

Of course, due to last nights antics. You find yourself sleeping through the morning. Not something you'd want, considering the battle happens during the day so you could enjoy the night with your friends. Good thing you have Discord. And that itself varies. Because around one, you find yourself waking up screaming as Discord bangs a gong right next to your ear.

"Rise and shine sleepy head! Today is the day!~ the day of victory!~" Discord says in a sing song way as he dings a tiny gong that generates enough noise to wake up a country.

"WAGGGGGGGHHHH! HOLY SHIT!" You spring up to the side of the bed and fall on the floor on your head. "u-ughhh...d-dammit...."

"No damnings today Anon. Today is the day we show those Princesses the meaning of terror" Discord said in a happy excited giggle "They are surely going to wet themselves on what we have in store for them, won't they?"

"...Ughhhhh....what time is it?" You weren't really paying attention to him. You yourself were waking up, and rubbing your head. It had been what? Maybe a day or two since you last hit your head. That was a new world record.

"Haven't you been paying attention? It's victor-.....hmmmmm?" Discord noticed that your dresser was fully repaired. With the alarm clock and photos back in place. "Well now.....someone was having fun last night, weren't they?"

As you stand and brush yourself off. It had seemed to you Discord actually had no idea of what happened last night. "What gives you that idea?"

Discord smirks and points to your alarm clock "Well, I doubt you could find another one of these digital clock things in Equestria, ahh but then again," Discord sighs and materializes a briefcase as he starts filling it with a random assortment of junk. "Knowing you, you just put on the horn. repaired your dresser, and went back to bed. I like you Anon, but I think you could have done better."

Yup, he didn't know. and instead of acting asspained at his comment. You actually snickered at him, and gave him a cocky grin. "Sure about that "dad"?"

And that action alone was enough to make Discord stop packing and look down at you, interested from your tone. "Come again?"

"Let me lay it out for you. I went out to Ponyville last night with the horn. And had some fun. Flying, blasting, I even got into a fight with Rainbow Dash and won. Pretty cool, huh?"

"No, anypony could do that with a horn of near limitless power. Again, I expected better from you..now get in costume. We have to get going"

As Discord resumes packing. You feel a little miffed that he didn't find that the least bit interesting. But you'd shrug it off. Because your next tidbit was sure to get him. You walk closer to him and give him an adorable yet arrogant look. Eyes closed, as you sway your body left and right, and flick your tail. "Weeelllllllllll, what if I told you I got some real practice in and scared a certain purple princess."

Discord stopped packing the moment you said "purple", and lowered the top of the briefcase so his eyes met directly with you. But he said nothing...just...nothing.

"Uh...Discord?" But Discord just continued to stare. "...Discord?"

Discord just eerily whispered "Go on...." as he stared at you from behind his briefcase.

Well, you did have his attention then. You clear your throat. And explain to him detail by painstaking detail of your little escapade with Twilight.

But even by the end of it, he didn't laugh, he didn't even crack a smile. "Discord?...hey. Come on, you have to admit that's hilarious right?...buddy?" But he just stared at you.

You approached him, and as you did. He....fell down and crumpled up. As if the bones had left his skin. The briefcase floating in place fell to the ground. You step back a little from mild shock. But this was clearly another of his shenanigans. You then hear a knocking on the window.

You look to it, and you could see a skeletal Discord knocking on it.....how spooky. You had nothing to fear though, you were just wondering what he was pulling. You walk over to the window and open it as his bony self slips inside. "Apologies Anon, I simply couldn't keep it together. That was simply too good a story. Ahh..there's my skin"

You gag a little as he slips his skin on like a suit. Then pokes his eyeholes to make his eyes roll back into place. "There we are..so, you scared her out of her mind, then managed to pass it off as a nightmare without ever getting caught." Discord had a tear come to his eye, and he wiped it. "Priceless...if only I was there to see it"

"Yeah, Discord. You have no idea. She was squeezing Spike like he was the only thing keeping her away from what she saw. She was definitely scared out of her wits. And you want to know something?"

Discord closes his briefcase as he focuses his attention completely on you.

"I loved every second of it. Flying, messing with Twilight, fighting Rainbow Dash. I didn't know having that much power could be so much fun. I...really like chaos. In a way that I think I can understand why you were the way you were before Fluttershy. It's just all kinds of fun. And that's what gets me the most. Ever since I got here, chaos has always been around me. And a lot of the times, I thought anything out of my control was a bad thing. But look at what I've managed. I fixed Starlight, I made friends, I am on the road to fixing one of Equestria's biggest villains ever, I helped you with your plan, and that's just the start. Chaos...is great. I just gotta take the good with the bad. Especially if I'm purposely causing it."

Discord gave you a wide grin as something seemed to have caught his eye. "Is that so Anon? Is that so.......then tell me, would you say that you have a certain mastery over chaos?"

You raise your right hoof and wave it as you go… "Ehhhh, sorta. It still blows up in my face sometimes. But yeah, considering all that's happened. I think I got a good handle of it. Whether it's within my power or not. More good things have happened than bad. And look at me now, I'm pretty confident we can beat those princesses. Together." You giggle to yourself. "As father and son, of course." Then you slowly start to rise as you begin to glow.

Discord just taps his digits together as his smile grows. "Well...that's good to know that you've realized that. Took you long enough."

"What?! Hey!...oh goddammit. Discord, really? There's not even anyone around to see this. Just stop and let's get going."

Discord opens his talons and paw to you "Not my doing Anon. See, no magic whatsoever. This is allllllll you. Shame your little crusader friends aren't here to see this. But father takes precedence over friends."

The hell, what was he talking about? "...what?...WOAH!" Suddenly the soft glow around you turns to black and spins all around you in a crazy fashion. "W-what's going on?! What's all this?!"

Discord gives a quick snicker "Relax Anon, it's not everyday a pony gets a Cutie Mark. And given all this chaos around it. I can already guess what it's going to be"

"Cuti-...." But your voice cuts out as you are enraptured in black and red. And then it explodes outward......making you fall down....on your head again. "Agh!.....ow! Geez.....What the fuck just happened?! Did I die? I..just saw a flash of light..geez, my head."

You rub your head to try to relax the pain, dammit. Twice in a row. Fucking annoying. You stand up and look at Discord. But you didn't know if you should be angry or not. You were confused. And so spoke in a slightly annoyed yet soft tone. "What's the big idea man? What the hell was that all about?"

"I think you're looking at the wrong thing, Anon. This of course, is entirely your fault"

"..huh?" Your fault? but you didn't even have the horn on. What the h… OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH... "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Discord put his talons and paw to his cheeks and yelled "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

IT WAS YOUR CUTIE MARK NIGGA, a spread of arrows pointing in every direction. "WOOAHHHHH, how...what?! It's...."

"The symbol of chaos, Anon. Welcome to the club." Discord looks at his arm "I'd do a whole song and dance number over it but we gotta go. We mustn't be late."

"B-but Discord, I...What do I do now? Like...what does this mean for me?" You were confused.

"You said it yourself Anon. It's your "Thing". There's nothing more to it than to go with the flow. What you saw when you were watching us back in your world is exactly what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. The only difference now is the fact that I'm now sure there's no wayyyyyyyy we can lose."

....Wow....you finally managed to get your cutie mark. And..it was in chaos. You didn't know what to say. You had wondered what it would be. And now, you didn't know what to think. You still felt like you, and the only thing that changed was you now have a butt tattoo. Despite it all, you were still you. ".....so, how do you think Fluttershy will react to this?"

Discord shrugged "She'll be happy for you. Ponies like her have this odd sense of "positivity" when in reality that Cutie Mark would cause a lot of second guessing of your character. But I suppose that's a good thing. I admit, I would actually feel quite sour if Fluttershy had a negative reaction to your cutie mark. But come on, what are the chances of that happening?"

"...You're right, well then. You said we were going to be late right?" You grab your saddle bag, and grab your horn. Placing it on your head as you become Big Boss once more. "Let's finish the mission"

Discord smirked. He loved the fact you were focused and confident. Not letting your Cutie Mark distract you from the major goal. Of course, it did bug you in the back of your head. But it was fine, the mark in reality would mean nothing until you were with your friends.

Discord snaps his talons as you both appear above the castle of Canterlot. It was a bright sunny day, and the both of you could see the royal guards pouring out of the castle.

"I guess they are ready for us, huh?"

"It seems so, and look at that. They are sending out every guard they have to make sure we get to have our private time." Discord was loving it, every second that passed by filled him with unbridled excitement.

You could tell this meant a lot to him, you shifted to the side of him and bowed. "After you, Spirit of Chaos."

Discord already caught on, played along, and bowed "Oh no no, after you. You did just get your Cutie Mark after all."

That made you smile, that he was actually going along with it instead of being difficult. "Age before beauty"

"Technically, if we were to go by human rules. You'd be older than I am. So...after you"

Oh ho, is that how it was. "Well, considering Equestria had always existed regardless. I think that makes you older, so after you"

Discord rubbed his chin, and observed the situation as it was "Hmmmmmm, it seems we are at an impasse."

You smile at him, and lay your back to the air as you put your hooves behind your head. "Seems so, but if one of us doesn't go down. We'll miss the challenge. So, Age before beauty, right?"

Discord nods "Right" Discord reaches over and plucks your horn from your forehead, and waves to you.

"...ahh....you're such a piece of shit." You tell him before you begin to fall.

Discord just smiles at you as you plummet to the ground. You weren't even yelling though. You weren't scared. He wasn't going to let you splat.

And you fall, right to the front of the large entrance to the castle. As you fell, you could see the horn below you, flying right at you like a rocket. Yeah...just as you thought. The horn slams into your forehead. In which you subconsciously take immediate action to gently land on the ground like a bird.

You stare at the door as Discord appears beside you, looking at the doors himself. "Shall we?"

"Ye-...wait...WAIT..." You had just remembered something. "Discord, remember what they said? You had to give up certain aspects of your powers. Or else we lose by default."

Discord slapped his forehead "Right! Haha! Almost forgot about that. No, I wouldn't want to break the rules"

"Says the natural cheater. so..are you going to just hide it or pretend or something?"

Discord shakes his head "No, I can't be sure precisely of Celestia's or Luna's ability to sense chaos. So, I will abide by their rules. Of course...there is one thing"

"What's that?"

"A moment please..." Discord takes your horn again and holds it near his mouth. Then, with his talons, he turns his ear like a faucet as he pukes a glowing yellow liquid into the horn. And then slaps it back on you "There we are"

You shiver and gag. You could feel it on your forehead despite the horn becoming a part of you. "Ogh, gross. Why the hell did you do that?"

Discord began to lightly wipe his mouth with a handkerchief. "Well, I can't be walking around with that much power. But YOU can. They never said you couldn't. See where I'm going with this?"

Oh shit... "So you're trusting me with all your power?"

Discord shook his head "No, just most of it. I still have enough to play my tricks and not break the rules handed to me. As I said, no matter what. Our victory is guaranteed."

Hmmmmm, it seemed like it. But just in case...just to be sure. You aimed your horn at Discord and zapped his ear as a very small piece of technology latched on to it.

Discord tapped it "Anon, what's this gaudy looking thing? Don't you know it's rude to make somepony like me look like trailer trash?"

You sigh, but still smile. Typical. But, that was no ordinary piece of technology. You even zapped your own ear to create one of your own. "It's called a Codec Receiver. It basically allows us to communicate at long distance without the use of magic. I put our frequency at one eight seven point zero. Just tap the button to call me when you need me, and vice versa. I don't know how limited you are. But just in case something does go wrong. I'd like to still be able to keep in contact with you. We have to be strategic about this Discord. I know we're going to win. But let's not underestimate our opponents, ok?"

Discord gave it a gentle rub. The fact you suggested not underestimating them annoyed him. He was sure everything would go dandy fine. But, he felt a certain trust in you. A true connection of partnership. It was enough to make him agree, if reluctantly. "Fineeeeeee....But I'm telling you Anon, it's in the bag."

"I know, I know...but just in case."

Discord grumbled "Yes yes, fiiine. I already said fine. Now then, let us open the doors to victory!"

"I'm ready! Let's do this!"

You and Discord both open the doors to the entrance hall of the castle. And the moment you both do. You both end up with pies splattered on your faces.

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