• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 21

the CMC's tour was very miniscule in scope compared to what you were seeing now. You were in the middle of town. The hustle of ponies, many a cutie mare, running around happy or with some sort of problem that could be solved in twenty two minutes. No shooting, no overprotective parents, kids playing happily, everyone saying hi to one another....truly paradise. also lots of mare booty.

You stop every so often to play "Spot the BG pony" or look at your map. It wouldn't be much longer. You wondered what would happen if you ran into Lyra, you wonder if the human fetish thing extended out of the fandom.

after awhile, you reach your destination.. There it was. THERE IT WAS...Sugarcube corner.
As you walk towards it. You finally see her. Just outside, that literal party animal, Pinkie Pie.. And she was using her Party Cannon for something.
It seems she was aiming at a new signboard just above the entrance. next to her was a very worried Mr. Cake.

"Pinkie, are you sure this is a good idea? I could just go up there and hammer those nails myself."

Pinkie just gave him one of her usual big smiles and in a big bubbly voice "Not to worry Mr. Cake! Why go up there and risk falling when we can get all the nails hammered in one go. all safe and sound from down here"

Mr.Cake looked at the signboard, then around at the other ponies going about their day, then back at Pinkie. Even more nervous. "I don't know Pinkie, I don't think shooting hammers out of a cannon is safe for anypony. Are you sure you want to do this? I can just go up there and hammer it myself, really!"

Pinkie prepares to pull back the string "Truuuuuuuuust me, have I ever let you down before?"

Mr.Cake's voice began to stutter. "W-well no Pinkie, and I really do appreciate the help. B-but I was just thinking this wasn't as good sounding an idea as when you first told it to me."

Pinkie seemed to be making some final adjustments. You inched closer. But still kept a distance. You didn't want to interrupt her. "Are you sure? I just don't want you to hurt yourself again Mr. Cake. You fell down yesterday trying to put the sign up and hurt your leg."

Mr.Cake seemed hesitant, then raised his leg and shook it. His face was slightly contorted form the pain. as if he was trying to hold it back "It's not that bad..ngh..Pinkie..s-see?"

He was lying, you could see the bruise from where you stood. You decided to move just close enough to be right behind them.

Pinkie's ears drooped as she frowned "....ok..."

Mr.Cake rubbed the back of his head, he felt a little bad for getting her hopes up like that "..umm..Well Pinkie, if you really want to help. You could hold the ladder for me. That way I won't fall down and hurt one of my other legs. Is that ok?"

Pinkie immediately beamed and saluted to him "YESSIR MR.CAKE SIR. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH THAT LADDER!"
And she zipped off into the shop before you could even say a word.


Mr.Cake chuckled sweetly "That Pinkie Pie, always eager to please...I hope she isn't upset, ngh.and I hope this leg heals soon. Can't have the Mrs. doing all the work."

It was now or never. You'll just walk up and speak to Mr.Cake first so it doesn't look odd to anyone that you're just sitting there. Besides, you wanted to get a look at that party cannon.

"Hello!"
You say as you approach the sitting cannon.

"Hello?" Mr.Cake looked around, until noticing you, he then put on a rather fatherly smile "Well hey little guy, didn't see you there, how are you today?"

you tap the cannon, nothing happens. clings and clangs with every tap.
"I'm alright, just looking at this really cool cannon and stuff."

"Well it is top of the line. Owned by our very own party pla-...say...I don't think I've ever seen you before. What's your name little guy?"

You turn to face Mr. Cake. He was the one of the proud owners of this establishment of course. And from what you remember from the show. He and his wife are pretty nice. They did let Pinkie live in an upstairs apartment within the place itself.
"Oh...I'm new, I've never really been around Ponyville before, so I'm just exploring. This is Sugarcube Corner right?"

Course it was

Mr.Cake nodded and started to reach into the pocket of his apron and pulled out a green cube. "Yes indeedy, this is where you can get any kind of cake or pastry you could possibly imagine." He holds the cube near you. "Want a flavored Sugar Cube? This one is green apple, we started selling these today!"

Selling?....OH SHIT..that's right. You didn't have any money. And didn't even think of asking Discord for a few bits.
"I'm sorry, I don't have any money"

Mr.Cake just gave you a gentle smile and reached back into his apron to pull out a few more along with a cloth and string. And with quick skill, he wrapped it all as a little bag and put it in your saddle bag. "It's on the house, there is such thing as free samples. Besides, you don't even have to eat them now. You can use them to decorate a cake or even give a drink an extra punch. They are really cheap to make and full of flavor!"

You giggle, that was a cute sales pitch. And he was nice enough to wrap up a small bag's worth for you.
"Thanks mister....say..who was that Pony who was with you?"

"You mean Pinkie Pie? A friend and the best party planner Ponyville's got. Speaking of, if you plan to stick around. You better prepare yourself"

You had an idea why, but for childish whimsy sake, you ask why anyway
"How come?"

Mr.Cake chuckled as he looked up at the signboard for a moment to make sure it hadn't moved. It was place up there but not nailed in yet. "Well, since you're new. And you've never met Pinkie...well..that means she'll probably be more than happy to meet you. She's the friendliest pony you'll ever meet."

You wanted to rub your hooves together like some evil mastermind, all according to plan. You continue to feign ignorance.
"Golly gee, is she really that friendly?"

"You betcha, She's friends with everypony in town. Sometimes I wonder what'd we do without her. Oh, look. There she is."

Pinkie was balancing herself on her hindlegs as she bumbled about holding a rather large ladder "MR.CAKE I GOT THE LADDER! HERE I COME!"
Pinkie bumbled and wobbled over and placed the ladder right under the signboard and then wiped her brow "Wooo, almost thought I was gonna trip. But no siree, Mr.Cake said he wanted a ladder and I got it!" Pinkie then turns to Mr.Cake and salutes "Missio-....HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Pinkie suddenly yells out in a high pitched shrill. Mr.Cake seemed fine with it. You however, now hearing it in person, felt your ears rings.
Before you could say a word, Pinkie dashed right over to you. And leaned down to your eye level. Looking directly at your own eyes, a big smile on her face "I've never seen you before!What's your name?!Where are you from!? who's your mom and dad?! What's your favorite color?! Is it your birthday?!"

Oh geez, she was shooting questions at you like a machine gun.
"u-uhhhhh"

Mr.Cake chimed in and gave Pinkie a pat "Slow down Pinkie, I think you're going a little too fast. Why don't you ask what his name is first?"
Pinkie chuckled in embarrassment "Oh right....Guess I got overexcited again.. So, what's your name?"

you felt a warmth in your heart. She seemed really happy to see you. Then again, she's always happy to see anyone. Still, it's still enough bubbly happiness to make you feel special.
"My name is Anon,Miss Pinkie"

"Miss Pinkie?" Pinkie blew a raspberry, she didn't like that "Just call me Pinkie Pie! or Pinkie! You don't have to say Miss or anything like that. too formal"

"Right..umm"

Now that you were face to face with her. You had no idea what to say. You were limited on what you thought you could talk about. And you didn't want to get into anything needlessly complicated like your "origins"..unless she herself asked of course.

Pinkie however took it as a sign of nervousness and immediately picked you up, Rolled onto her back, and cuddled you onto her belly "You don't need to be nervous Anon! I'm not gonna hurt ya! I'm as soft as cotton candy!" She giggled.

Mr.Cake smiled at the sight. But he had work to do, and pulled a hammer out of the cannon before going up on the ladder.

You were immediately lost, and bright red in the face as you were cuddled onto Pinkie's near gelatinous, fuzzy soft and warm body. You instinctively nuzzled back.

"Awwww, you're an affectionate little guy. Usually when I hug a colt they yell out that I have cooties or something...I don't even know that that is."

You don't say anything, you just cuddle right there. You wanted this to last forever.
But unfortunately, all good things must eventually end, except in the case of Pinkie, which things only get better from. Pinkie picks you up gently with her hooves, boops your nose with her own. and leans over to put you down as she spring upwards, spins,and lands on her hooves "Ha! Perfect landing!"
You still said nothing, That boop bump left you intoxicated with the fuzzy feels.

Pinkie looked at you and noticed your blushing, she inched over in concern "You ok Anon...You aren't sick are you?"

The tone in Pinkie's voice from happy to concern snaps you out of it some. You realized you may have been in some kind of stupor and so tried to recover
"O-oh no no, just umm..got a little dizzy from all that hugging."

"Really? Nopony has ever got dizzy from my hugs before. awwww, does that mean I can't hug you anymore?" Pinkie frowned, she really liked hugging.

WHAT?! NO?! NO FOR FUCKS SAKE. QUICK, QUICK RETRACT STATEMENT!
"O-oh..umm..what I meant it being so sudden...I mean..I liked the hug. I really really liked it."

"ooooooooohhhhhhh....so no surprise hugs then" Pinkie felt she had figured out what was wrong

GODDAMMIT FUCK....THINK ANON THINK. YOU IDIOT.
"No..I..uhm..like surprise hugs too...It's um. just..."

You had nothing, half your brain was thinking while another half of you was thinking something lewd..
Fuck it...you wanted another hug. That was the warmest welcome you've had yet. She didn't even make mention of your name being "off".
You jumped up onto Pinkie's back and started rubbing and hugging onto her. You had quite a spring to your step. Must be horse legs.
"I-I just liked to give surprise hugs too!"

You felt like a kid again, for real this time, with some added soft list. This had to be some voodoo magic Pinkie witchcraft. You didn't expect to get this nuzzly.

"Awwwwwww" Pinkie turned around and gave you a nurturing ruffle of your mane with a hoof "You're the cutest colt I ever met, but ya better not hug me too much! your mom might get jealous!" She giggled "Speaking of parents, where are they? Have I met them? because if I have" She suddenly growls and makes an angry face as she shakes her hoof "I'm gonna be awfully sore they didn't tell me they had a son. All those missed birthdays....." she narrows her eyes "...All...those...birthdays..."


Suddenly, you could feel every warm feeling being replaced with dread. You didn't want to tell her you were an orphan. You knew what that would do to someone like her. this was not the time for it, you had someplace else to be after all.
You hopped off her back and inched away from her
"oh umm..well my mom's not here"

"Oh..so are you out with your Dad? Where is he? HEY ANON'S DAD! COME ON OUT! YOU SHOULDN'T BE LEAVING YOUR SON BY HIMSELF! COME OUT SO I CAN GIVE YOU A HUG TOO!"

Oh geez....how to approach this...
"no no, Pinkie, I'm just travelling around by myself.my-"
You whisper in a lone tone, the singular word
"Parent-"
then go back to speaking normally
"Are doing other things, I'm out exploring!"

"Oh, ok! I guess I can meet them later! Maybe we can have a big family party to welcome you all! Since I know we're all gonna be great friends!"

Wow, friends already. She works fast...jackpot. Now that you regained control of the situation. Time to put on the ole Anon charm.
"Y-you wanna be friends with me?"
You were so coy. All you had to do was act snuggly and cute and she just ate it up like a cupcake.

"Of course silly! I can tell just from your face that you really really really want to be friends with me too! It's weird, it's almost like you've known me for a long time from a distance so far that I'd never be able to notice, not even with my Pinkie Sense! and also! was in love with me or something with how affectionate you are!.....but that's just silly. You're just a sweet nice little colt!"

..............shit

You immediately force fake laughter from yourself.
"haha, that's really something..hahaha...ha"

Pinkie tilted her head and looked at you more sharply for a moment, as if she knew your laugh was fake. But then she smiled and giggled and gave you a soft hug. "I like you Anon...and since you really really wanna be friends. I gotta think of a cute nickname to go with your cuteness. How does Nonny sound?"

OH SHIT. SHE SAID NONNY! JUST LIKE IT WAS FORETOLD IN THE TEXTS OF GREEN!
You nod profusely, you didn't want her to switch to anything else. You looked like a damned madman with the way you flailed about.
"YES YES YES! THATS GREAT, THATS GOOD!"

Pinkie looked at you suddenly with a face of confusion. She was looking at you as if you had just lost the lottery but was celebrating anyway.
you calmed yourself to meekness
"..ahrm..I mean...t-that's great..."

She then immediately goes back to her endearing smile and gives you a pat "Nonny it is!"

Now that nicknames were being given out. You wanted to try and press your luck. If the scriptures of the green was truly on your side. Then this should work.
"Can I give you a nickname, Pinkie?"

She nodded "uh huh! Lay it on me Nonny! I'm ready!"

You had to let out a light hearted giggle. Pinkie was the easiest friend you've made so far without causing some sort of trouble . Well except for that line about you being from a far off place and being in love with her. It did sting your heart a little being reminded you're now too young for her. But with all this good feels. You could let it pass. You got this far after all.
"Can I call you Ponk?"

Pinkie went silent for a moment and rubbed under her muzzle "Ponk?...hmmmmnn..Ponk.."

Oh shit..did she not like it? You were hoping she'd take to it immediately.
"Righ-right sorry..it's a du-"

But you get cut off as Pinkie continues to say it, then add on to it. "Ponk, Ponka...Ponka Poo, Ponka Pee, Panka Pa!" She then starts to hop about, saying names in a sing song fashion "Ponka,Panka,Pinkie,Pookie! That's really fun to say!"

nevermind, she liked it.

Suddenly, Mr.Cake calls out "Pinkie, can you please hold the ladder for me? I'm going to try to hammer in the higher nails now"

Pinkie snapped to attention "Right away Mr.Cake! Wait right here Nonny, I'll be right back!"

....as much as you wanted to wait. You were sensible to realize you still had other shit to do. And you didn't know how long you'd be stuck with Pinkie if you waited for her. It's not like you wanted to leave, you just didn't want to make Discord wait too long. You knew..or at least hoped..he hasn't been watching you. You knew he had plans, and absurd as it sounds for him to be troubled by your little detour may sound, it was not something you should risk. You weren't some cartoon character who would have lost track of time or anything. You were sharper than that and this detour already ate up some time as is.

"A-actually Ponk..I gotta get going. I got a few more things to do and then I gotta meet up with my Dad...It was really really really great meeting you though!"

Pinkie frowned "Awwwwwwwwww....ok. But be sure to visit again! and bring your parents too!"

yeah no...she'd find out eventually about the whole parents thing. But you weren't even sure if you could make that happen, nor did you want to bring Discord over. you felt you wouldn't approve of any tricks he'd pull...You liked Pinkie too much. Hell, it hurt knowing you had things to do. You'd really rather just stay with her for as long as the day allowed. But you just couldn’t risk not being on Discord’s schedule.
"I will! It was really nice meeting you Ponk! Bye Bye!"


"Seeya soon Nonny!" She waved to you, making you wave back in response.

That went smoother than you could imagine, she became your friend in an instant. At one point, you had to come back FOR SURE. For now, you had one last stop however before returning to the cottage.

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