• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 42

Bon Bon's house seemed nice. Like everywhere else you expected. It lacked the marvels of the modern technology you were used to. And yet, it was comfy and uncluttered without the cords,buzzes, and zing of things such as tvs and computers.

The three of you sat down at the table. Lyra was giving you a large but sweet smile, Bonbon was less interested in your presence, but happy to have you all the same.

"I gottttaaaa ask! How did you beat up those two stallions?" Lyra asked, with curious glee

"Well… I uh. I remember giving this bigger guy a trouncing by knocking him over."

"Knocking him over? How big was he? Did you just tip him and clobber him? Details, details!" Lyra got excited, she was waving her hooves with each cry of "Details"

"Let me guess" Bonbon took a sip of her tea "You went right for his nether regions?"

...Woah… she guessed.

You nod slowly, with a little caution of whether that should be acknowledged. "How...how did you figure that out?"

"oh...ummm" Bon Bon looked up, down, left, and right. "I could just tell by a few things, that's all. I'm just a very perceptive girl."

"Yeah!" Lyra gave a small pat to her friend's back "You wouldn't believe how perceptive she could be! Like, once. I was going to visit my friends back in Canterlot and I forgot my money back home. and when I turned around, there she was ! She spotted me the bits right there and then so I wouldn't miss my trip! It's things like that that make Bon Bon so great!"

Bonbon smiles a little in embarrassment "Well you were really excited the day before, I figured you might forget something. Besides, I wouldn't be a that good a friend if I didn't see you off"

Lyra smiled, that warmed her heart "Awwww! but you didn't have to do that, I left so early. I thought you would have still been asleep. I didn't want to bother you or anything."

Bonbon got up to give her best friend a hug "Hey, when it's you, it's like, never ever any trouble"

Then they both yell out "Best friends forever"

You just sat there, sipping your tea, silently. You were half expecting them to fuck right there, right then. "....so uhhh."

Maybe you could ask them for advice. They weren't the mane 6, so, it might be less troublesome to get an answer from them. "Can I ask you girls a question...about girls?"

Lyra giggled immensely "Uh oh Bon Bon! I think he has a crush on us!"

Bon Bon shook her head "No, I think this might actually be important. So, what's on your mind Anon?"

"Well uh, there was this girl who was with me when I saved her, and I think she might like me now. But I kind of, well… not interested. And then there is this other girl, who is her best friend, she kinda got mad thinking I took her friend away… Then when I talked to her, and told her I didn't and that I would handle it and get them to be friends again and stuff, She started acting weird… and now I think she likes me too… but I kind of don't want that either… What should I do?"

"You should just pick one!" Lyra cried out.

"U-ummm n-noo..no..I don't want either of them, I want to let them both off easy without ruining their friendship or getting myself killed"

"Killed? That's a little extreme. Why don't you just be honest with the both of them? I'm sure they would understand if you just tell them you aren't interested" Bon Bon tells you, she was definitely more level headed than Lyra.

Sound advice, but, "I don't think they realize they love me yet, I don't want to hurt them or anything like that..."

...What an odd taste in your mouth from saying that. You drink more tea to wash it out.

"Well, I could just hang around you if you want, I bet if I give you a kiss… well no, that'd probably just make them angry and jealous." Lyra giggled again

Guhhh… Is she flirting with you?! You started blushing. Feeling a little nervous

"Lyra, come on. Don't joke like that. look at him, you're making him all flustered." Bon Bon however, couldn't help but have a titter at the situation.

"I'm only joking, but look at him. He doesn't find girls icky or anything if he's reacting like that. Come on Anon, just pick one of them!"

"..L-look, I can't even say I was interested. I would be destroying their friendship. They have always been the best of friends… and now because of me, it's suddenly turned sour. I just want to fix it".

Yeah, even if it means they go back to being douchebags. thinking that just makes you feel more sour. Lyra's ears drooped, she was starting to understand the gravity of the situation

"Best of friends?...and now they aren't?...That's… so sad..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "That's the worst thing I've ever heard!"

Both you and Bon Bon look at her in surprise… Wow, she was also sensitive to that sort of thing.

"L-Lyra, it'll be ok. That's why Anon here is asking us this question. H-he just wants to help them." Bon Bon tried calming down her friend down, and Lyra put her face on the table.

You nod profusely. "Y-yeah don't cry, I just want to fix it. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Y-yeah but here I was, making suggestions that would have made it w-w-w WAHHHHH!" She just whined and cried, hiding her face in the arms of her hooves.

Oh geez.

"Lyra, come on. Get a hold of yourself. This little guy is asking us for help, and I happen to think the both of us could give him really sound advice on helping his friends. Lyra, you're the friendliest pony I ever met and I think you could give the best advice on this. So come on, cheer up!"

Lyra looked up slightly, tears in her eyes "You...you really think I'm the friendliest pony?"

"Even more than Pinkie Pie" Bon Bon gave her a warm smile.

Lyra immediately perked up and gave Bon Bon a huge hug. Then she immediately turned to you with fierce determination and slammed her hoof on the table, startling you, and knocking down the tea cups. "This is what you gotta do! If they both like you but it's ruining their friendship! Then you gotta have them both see you, and explain the situation to them the best you can, then you gotta remind them why they were the best of friends and that all you want is them to make up and be the bestest of friends! You can't see them individually, it could cause jealousy if the other found it. It could cause a RIP..IN...THE..FRIENDSHIP...CONTINUUM! DO YOU HEAR ME ANON?! THE CONTINUUM!"

You gulp....geez, she got super serious all of a sudden.

Bon Bon was cleaning up the mess silently that her friend had made, she didn't berate her or get angry. "I don't think it's that serious, but. Lyra has a good point. You may want to speak to them at the same time about how you feel. It could give off the wrong impression if you don't."

Holy crap....that sounded pretty good actually. Better than the plan you had. "Thanks. T-that actually sounds like a great idea. Ok… So that's what I gotta do huh?"

Lyra nods at you, then smiles and gives you a pat "Mhmm! then you can be mine instead"

W-what?!... c-come on... You blushed deep red in that remark as a million filthy lewd thoughts ran through your brain.

"Lyra..." Bonbon turned to her friend as she dumped the broken tea cups, she smirked and shook her head

"Hehehehe, sorry! I couldn't resist. He's just looks so adorable." Lyra noticed how dumbstruck and blushy you looked.

"I-I mean..I d-don't uhmm...mind if you wanted to uhhh..." You stopped yourself

Lyra seemed confused "Don't mind what Anon?"

You gulp "I-if you uhh… refill… my… tea cup?"

Lyra looked down at the table "Hhmm? but you don't h-...OH NO..BON BON I'M SO SORRY! I DIDN'T REALIZE!"

Bon Bon rushed up to Lyra and hook her hoof at her, making a shushy noise "Shhh, don't even get upset or anything. You just got caught up in the moment… besides, I got like three hundred of these."

Lyra wiped a tear away "So you're not angry?"

Bon Bon shook her head "Not one bit."

Lyra couldn't help but give her best friend another hug, which Bon Bon shared in kind. They were the bestest of friends alright. Bon Bon went into her cupboards to get another set of tea cups.

"So, Anon. Why don't you say a little about yourself? It must be really interesting having Discord as a dad!" Lyra said. She was curious.

"Well, not much to say really. Dad is dad, he takes care of me and feeds me and we sometimes don't see eye to eye. But I guess all families are like that. As for me, I'm just a another colt. Though… I don't wanna sound cocky or anything… but I think I'm pretty smart, smarter than your average kid."

"Oh I could tell, you speak really well and you seem really mature for your age. I bet all the other kids in your class envy you." Bon Bon sets down the set of cups and sits down to listen in on the conversation.

"Well...I'm not in school yet. But I will be soon. Miss Cheerilee seems pretty nice"

Lyra nods "She is, ohhhhhh gosh, she's going to be impressed by you i'm sure. I just hope you don't get picked on for being so smart"

Bon Bon served herself some tea and took a sip. "Nopony should have to be picked on because they’re smart… But, and this is just a word of advice. If you do get picked on, I wouldn't suggest using your fighting tactics. Trust me, other parents would get really angry. And considering some ponies are already seeing Discord in a better light after what happened with those two criminals. It'd be a shame for them to have to fear his kid of hurting theirs..."

"Well… I don't think there's gonna be any fighting. I think things will be fine. I can't imagine getting into a fight with anypony else" You said.

"You'd be surprised Anon, some kids can be pretty mean… But, you have a good heart and a quick wit. I'm sure it's nothing you can't handle." Bon Bon said with certainty in her eyes.

"You never got picked on back at the orphanage you came from, did you?" Lyra asks

"Ummm, uuhhh, well, sorta. It was different things. But, it's nothing I want to think about. The past is the past, gotta look on to a brighter future and all that." Not the orphanage exactly, but you knew what it was like

Bon Bon smiled "I like that way of thinking, good on you Anon. If I was your Dad, I'd be proud of you right now!"

Lyra nodded "Well I don't have to be your dad to know I feel proud and I'm not even your mom!"

That's...really heartwarming to hear. You smile at them. "Thanks guys, you two are pretty cool. I'm really glad to have met you both." They both nodded in agreeance, and replied in kind.

For the rest of the while you three made a little more small talk about things like the weather, the apparent upcoming Friendship Festival, they didn't seem to know much on it, so Twilight was definitely keeping things hush hush. They talked about themselves a little more, never did find out if Bon Bon was canonically a secret agent. And enjoyed some relaxing tea.

After some time, you felt it was time to go. With a hug and goodbyes, you left your new friends… until. "Anon, wait! I forgot to give you something!" Lyra cried out to you

"huh? What is it?" You turn to her, only to suddenly be kissed on the cheek "That!" She began to giggle like a schoolgirl

"...h..h.....hmm...mm..." ...This you didn't mind... oh please… why couldn't she just throw you on a bed and fuck you already?! AAGGHHHHHHHHH! You were blushing deep red and lost in thought.

"Lyra, now look what you did, he probably thinks you have a crush on him now!" Bon Bon giggled

Lyra was besides herself "I couldn't help it! He's just so adorable! I'm sorry Anon, I was only teasing" Lyra couldn't help but giggle through her words.

...STOP TEASING! DAMMMIIIT! "I-it's ok, u-umm..seeya guys.."

They reply, and wave to you as you wave to them. That was pretty nice all things considering. Pretty interesting for BG pones, and their friendship was so nice. You just hope their advice would work. Sad though, that they wouldn't just. Y'know...rape you

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