• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 232

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Diamond asks a question.
Anon thinks things.
And Chrysalis is bored.

Next stop, Diamond Tiara's. Lordy, the shit you get yourself in. As you rush over however, a thought occurs to you: Bonbon. It almost seemed irrelevant until you realized she was an agent of some kind. And being an adult, if she ever found out about Chrysalis, It could either go two ways. She'd either butt in and try to handle it herself or alert the princesses.

Or..that's what you thought anyway. It also occurred to you that you really should hang with her and Lyra more often. Out of all your friends, they were the most pleasant next to Starlight...also had to remember you had to go bowling with Spike tomorrow. maybe you could get Lyra and Bonbon to join in.

These thoughts cross your mind, as well as what Chrysalis could be doing at any moment.
In fact, all these thoughts. Relevant or not fill up your mind so much that you crash right into the door of Diamond's mansion.

"AGH!" You fall back and rub your head. Always the head! ALWAYS! "Gng...geez, how did I lose track of where I was...egh...nevermind." You stand up and dust yourself off. "Ok...if there's a situation, defuse it. If there isn't, charm her..lord...why couldn't I just be molested by a mare. That'd make things easier...It's fine...wait..."

It wasn't fine, you were actually thinking back to Sweetie Belle and her advice. "....Either way, she'd probably be upset about earlier today. I'm gonna have to show her that I still care...." You tap at your horn, and think. "....What a waste of a charge. First time I really get to use the thing after a week and it's gonna be wasted on this....It's fine. Not like I'd need it for anything else. I hope she appreciates this..."

You put the horn on your forehead. It once again turns from a Sombra Horn to a regular Unicorn's horn. You then use it to don a clean white tux, a tie, a bouquet of white roses, and a box of chocolates in a heart shaped box. The set up almost made you cringe. "Ugh...the things you have to do to impress a girl.."

You knock on the door. And prepare yourself for either a maid or Mr.Rich. The door opens...it's a maid. Woo, these maids man, even though they got a cute little maid cap and maid apron like thing. It somehow made them sexy.

"Ahh, Master Anon. I'm guessing this is about Lady Diamond Tiara? A little much, don't you think?"

"Well y'know...nothing is too good for her" You gave a confident grin

"I see..well, she's been in her room with her friend all day. Probably doing homework." She steps aside. "Of course you are welcome inside, but try not to disturb Master Rich. He's very busy, but I will alert him of your presence"

You nod. "Thank you"

"No need, it is my pleasure to serve.."

Ohhhh....if only the pleasure could be all yours. This maid in particular had a very stoic voice, and yet always had a small and gentle smile with her beautiful emerald eyes and purplish blue coat.

You step in and head up to Diamond Tiara's room. Taking notice that the horn, instead of falling down, just hung back on your neck thanks to the golden sun necklace that ended at a latch behind your neck. All of it high quality. This was actually a nice gift from Celestia, top notch. There was the door, you prepared yourself, and knocked on the door.

"Who's there?" You hear Diamond say, in a slightly annoyed voice. Yep, she might still be sour.

"It's me, Anon, your..." ...oh god...the words..they tasted so corny. "Your future husband!"

Silence.

You get the flowers and chocolate ready. The door slowly opens, Diamond Tiara peering from behind it, she looks up at you, then down, then back up. And then blushes...feeling meek. "A-Anon...erm...is that all for me?"

Bingo..right at the get go. She was melting from your gesture of love. "Well..unless there's another Diamond Tiara. Then I guess it is."

You give her the best charming smile you could muster. She responds by opening the door completely to let you in. "Anon, I didn't even think you'd come...I thought, after your dad took you, that you were going to be upset about that whole thing with you,me, and Applebloom."

And then, without you even noticing, Silver Spoon, Who was also in the room, apparently has something to add to that. "And you shouldn't be. Diamond Tiara didn't do anything wrong, I asked Applebloom's friends if it was really important. And then I asked them why...and they wouldn't answer. The whole thing seemed suspicious to me."

Ahh yes, the maid did say she had a friend up here. Silver Spoon, ever defending her best friend. "Well, it was just a crusader thing. You know how it is...The important thing is that I'm not mad at anypony, and that I came to see my favorite gal"

Diamond Tiara couldn't help but blush from that. She almost felt shy from all the praise you were suddenly giving. That was good, the further you got her thoughts away from what happened, the better. She didn't need to know shit about Chrysalis. "Oh..Well..if it was really that important..then..I guess it's fine. I guess I got a little jealous.."

"Wait, hold on..." Silver Spoon interrupted. "Weren't we going to ask Anon why it was important when we got the chance? Why not ask him now if it really was that important?"

"Ummm...yeah. Actually, she's right Anon. I was kinda curious all day why it was important enough for Applebloom to act like she owns you. She doesn't..." Diamond Tiara started to speak from cute and meek to inquisitive and possessive. "She had no right to be so intrusive. What could have been so important that she couldn't wait?"

......FUCKING...DAMMIT...

What the hell were you supposed to tell her? How the hell were you going to make up something that she would buy? If it's weak...well, in actuality, if it's weak. She'd probably mock Applebloom...and that would actually annoy you. If it's strong, she might get nosy. So...what could you say? Maybe if you… "Well, it's a...it's a secret."

Diamond Tiara steps closer to you, curious as to what it could be. "What kind of secret? You know you can tell me, right? I won't tell anypony else. Silver Spoon won't either. I just want to make sure it's important."

Well, ok..why did you think that would work?... "W-well, it's not my secret to tell. It's about another pony, highly values their privacy. I'm really sorry Diamond Tiara, but I made a promise. But you don't need to worry..."

You move your head to hers and give her a peck on the lips, making her blush hard. This was your trump card. You'd make her so enamored with you that she'd hopefully drop the subject. "It's not as important as you are."

"U-uhhhmm..o-ok" She stammers and blushes, smiling, even letting out a giggle.

Silver Spoon said nothing. She could tell her friend wouldn't pursue it now. But something to her....was suspicious. "So you're not going to tell us then? If it's a problem, we could probably solve it. We do have a lot of money."

.....Why won't she just drop it? "I said I can't. And I also have a lot of money. Let's just forget anything ever happened, ok? It's not nice to snoop into other pony's businesses. It's rude..erm..right Diamond Tiara?"

"You're right Anon..." Diamond Tiara turned Silver Spoon "If it's somepony else's secret then we really shouldn't pry. But..." Diamond Tiara looked back at you "Anon...I know Applebloom also likes you, I can see it in her eyes...are you sure she's not just trying to get you alone or something?"

You shake your head...dammit, just drop it! "I'm sure, the whole group was there when I visited them. After we finished discussing things, I hurried here with these flowers and chocolates...and look. These white roses are thornless..so I can.." HERE’S THE CLENCHER! IF THIS DOESN'T GET HER MIND OFF OF IT, NOTHING WILL! You take a white rose into your teeth and gently slip it into her mane so the flower itself sticks out from it. And wow....it actually made her look pretty cute. "...do that.."

Diamond Tiara wanted to see, she hurried to a mirror to see what you did. and when she saw that white rose in her mane. She smiled deeply. It was so romantic to her, so much so she entered a soft dreamlike state. "Anon...y-your so sweet.." She blushed, she admired the gesture, she felt like the flower accentuated her looks to absolute perfection. She looked to Silver Spoon, excited to hear her opinion "Silver Spoon, don't I look pretty?"

Silver Spoon was impressed by your gesture, only someone who really loved someone else would do something so romantic...that was in her head anyway. "You look more than pretty, you look perfect! Awwwwww, it's sooooooo beautiful. Anon really is your prince charming"

"I know! I KNOW! There's no other colt like him. All the other ones are either gross and fart or burp or they are nerdy and weak...I-I mean there's nothing wrong with that. But, Anon is strong, brave, and...erm....cute" She was completely red in the face at this point.

Mission accomplished? Yeah, in more ways than one. Diamond Tiara was once again..totally into you. It wasn't too bad, you supposed. It was nice to have a girl's attention like that. Not like you ever got it as a human.

"Well, Diamond. You're cute too. The cutest filly in all of Equestria. The cutest..and most beautiful. You make my heart all aflutter." Oh god, the cheese, it was triple decked. But what else could you do? This was your life now, and as you had already said you had to make the most of it. You were a kid, she was a kid....perfectly natural.

Diamond Tiara was entranced with you, she stepped closer, looking into your eyes with those bedroom peepers. "Not yet I haven't"

Wut?

You didn't even have time to react when she gave you a long kiss on the lips. She kept it up for ten seconds. no tongue of course. But it caught you totally off guard. and made you blush hard. But then...it got worse. She lost her footing, and pressed to hard, making you fall backwards as she landed on top of you.

Silver Spoon was just staring, she found the whole thing to be....nearly scandalous

Both you and Diamond were staring at each other. lost in eachothers' gaze. She was on top and for some reason...you were finding her increasingly attractive.

Well no fucking wonder, she was on top of you. Anon, stop being stupid. Not too close..NO WHAT WAS SHE DOING?! She, as if by instinct, hugged gently onto you, and nuzzled her head right next to yours. "Anon...I-I didn't mean to knock you down. But...can we just lay here awhile. I admit, I was still kinda worried...but I'm not worried anymore..."

Worried...still?...mnnn… "It's ok...I don't mind...." You put your hooves around her. And hugged gently. "The floor is pretty comfy anyway"

You both chuckle, Diamond Tiara then lets out a soft sigh "I love you Anon...."

...Mnnnn. What could you do… "I love you too...Diamond"

Silver Spoon could see you both were having a moment. She silently let herself out, wanting to be polite. Leaving you both alone. After that display, she felt pretty sure things were as it sounded. But this also created a new problem....

You could never turn back after this...you could never end this relationship yourself. You could sense it. Diamond's heart was fragile. Unless she became somehow bored of you or felt it'd be better for the both of you to just be friends. this would never end.

"Anon..."

"Yeah Diamond?"

".....Would you want to have a boy? or a girl?"

Your eyes widen. "U-ummm...isn't it kinda early for that kinda thing?"

"I don't think so. Come on, it might be a fun to talk about while we lay here"

Easy for her to say, she didn't have her back on the ground. She was laying on your cuddly colt tummy. "..Ermm..ok...but you first."

Diamond Tiara giggled. "Well...I'd actually like to have a boy. I'd want to raise him to be just like his dad. Smart, brave, and eligible for any mare. He'd be adventurous and curious. And as his mother, I'd like to be able to share in that. It'd be fun! if he wanted to pretend to fly, I could lift him so he could feel like he's flying. If he needed help attracting a mare...like he'd need it" She giggles. "I could give him the right advice...which would be to just be like you. Also...I could judge any mare he brings home. Because no child of mine is gonna marry a hussy!...And that's why I want a boy. Your turn Anon!"

Huh...she really thought it through as far as a kid would.

It didn't take you long to think about. "I want a girl. It kinda sounds weird. But I'd just like a nice little filly who'd look up to me. Who wouldn't get herself into too much trouble. And would try her best at school. I don't think I could handle a little colt getting into mischief...." You cringed. "And considering who their grandpa would be...I think he'd be less inclined to pal around with a filly, which is good."

Fuck...it may be years away. But Discord spiriting your future son away for mischief and adventure scared the shit out of you.

"Oh......right...Discord would be....a grandpa." Diamond Tiara didn't like that at all. "I forgot about that....mnn, well, it shouldn't be too bad. We would still be the parents, we could tell him off if he decides to be all chaotic and stuff. But...don't you have other reasons for having a daughter that doesn't have to do with your dad?"

"Well, yeah. I guess, aside from the staying out of trouble thing. I guess there's also the fact that....hmmnn.." Was that the only real reason? Having a boy would be cool too....there was a lot of things you could do with a boy than you couldn't with a girl. "Actually, I don't really mind how they come out as. If it's a boy, that's good too.." You chuckle. "I wouldn't mind having a little me, I mean, what the hay, so what if he's a little adventurous? Not like he's going to get into the kind of trouble I'd get into. We'd be the parents, And with my horn, It'd be pretty easy to keep an eye on the bugger. I'd just want, whether it be a boy or a girl, for them to achieve what they want in life..and be happy."

"Anon" Diamond Tiara nuzzles into you. "You'd be the greatest father ever...I don't mind if they are a boy or a girl either. I'd just be happy having a foal...with you" She was blushing hard, she was looking at you with dem eyes, she was cuddling ever more gently, almost...rubbing her body on you.

You were blushing harder than ever, terrible, terrible thoughts running through your head. Wait..WAIT. If you're thinking terrible thoughts...and she wants kids. That means...oh no..OH NO! "D-diamond, I-I think it's time to get off....erm...I'm getting kind of cramped"

AGH, AGH, THE PERISCOPE, YOU CAN FEEL IT GOING UP TO CHECK INTO THE CAVES!

"But Anon...I-I wanted to snuggle more...and ask you..a very special question"


Oh god...oh god, she was giving an innocent smile that suggested not so much innocence. the best you could do was turn your body as you thought of thoughts not having to do with the dinky derby! "A-a special question?"

"Mhmmmm"

AGH! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU COULDN'T HOLD IT MUCH LONGER! AND IF SHE ASKS "THAT" QUESTION. YOU'RE DOOOOOOMED! "S-sure...b-bu-"

She puts a hoof on your mouth and giggles. "C'mon Anon, if you keep talking and stuttering, I won't be able to ask. now's not the time to get shy."

SHY?! SHY?!?!?! YOU WERE TRYING TO HOLD IT IN DAMMIT! NOW ALL HOPE WAS LOST!

"Anon...." She finally asks "Where do you think foals come from? I asked Daddy a few times but he keeps saying he's too busy to answer...and it's always that question...I thought since you were super smart, you might know"

EWRFEWFFEFAEDFAEFGREE WHAT?! Your head falls backwards to the ground as whatever build up you have leaves you at the sheer naiveness of that question. You just look up at the ceiling in relief and dumbfoundedness

".......I have no idea"

"Oh.." Diamond Tiara hops off of you, gives you a kiss on the cheek, and heads over to a drawer. She takes out a handkerchief and drops it beside you "Here Anon, you're really sweaty for some reason. I hope I wasn't too heavy for you. I just wanted to snuggle a little. I guess we should have done it on the bed instead on the ground, huh? Is your back ok?" Diamond Tiara was daintily wiping your face with the handkerchief as you just laid there.

Oh...god...that was close.

"Anon..are you mad at me? You didn't answer"

"H-huh? oh...erm..no I'm fine.." You give her a reassuring yet nervous smile. "Just, y'know. Been a rough day." You quickly roll to the left of her and get up. Taking a few breaths to calm down...fuck that was close. "I feel relaxed now, thanks to you"

"Well, I'm glad. Anon, actually. This made me think of something."

Hopefully not sex. "What?"

"Can you sleepover sometime? Not today of course, but another day? Oh! and can you bring your sister along? She's a bit older, she might know where foals come from. And I'd love to get to know her!...I-I have to ask Daddy of course. But I just know he'll say yes!"

......That was worse than sex. "Ummmm, I'll think about it. Y'know Dad...always random. But erm. Yeah, I'll definitely think about it and....woo" You look towards the window, you didn't care what time it was, it was time to vamoose. "Look at the time, I got homework to do."

"But you'll think about it? Leaning more towards a yes?"

You nod, it was probably not a good idea to disappoint her.

"Yeah!" Diamond Tiara jumps in joy until she realized she was being a little undignified. "Ahrm...I'm glad. Well, don't wait too long on giving me the answer. And, good luck with your homework. I know you won't need it though."

With kisses on the cheek. You leave Diamond Tiara with her flowers, candy, hopes, and dreams, and exit the premises. You let out a heavy sigh and nearly collapse from nervousness. Holy kapoly sholy. "Note to self...don't let her get on top. Sheeesh, Anon. What were you doing? You almost gave her the real answer. The D....egh...I feel dirty, part of me wanted that too. Gotta relax...just gotta wait a decade...egh."

You return home via a nearby water source and your map. You now had a lot to think about. The relationship with Diamond Tiara was getting deeper. And now she wanted to have you and Chrysalis over for the night. Fucking Chrysalis, you could only imagine the bullshit she'd spew to the young filly. Cripes, you couldn't even think of how it'd actually go. You just hope it didn't end with you and Diamond doing the horizontal shuffle.

These thoughts clouded your mind as you tried to focus on your homework. Your writing had gotten better. But with your thought process being muddled, it was hard to write something that would impress Cheerilee. Maybe that was a good thing. Or maybe she'd get annoyed and tell you to apply yourself. It'd have to do.

You put your homework away. On it written your notes and knowledge of Manehattan written in a different way as to make it legit. You still had some time in the day before having to go to bed....maybe you should check on Chrysalis...see if you could try and make things a little more even between the two of you. According to the map, she was here, as was the captain.

Part of you didn't think this was a wise decision. Once again you were thinking deep into your thoughts again as you open the floor door. Before stepping down. You think about WHY you were going to visit Chrysalis. "Even with the horn, she still treats me like I'm an actual kid..and plaything. I have to show her that we're equals. If I can manage that. Maybe I can get some damn respect from her..."

You nod, and head down the floor door and head straight into the basement. Dark and dank as always. You took out the map and kept an eye on the dots. Chrysalis's dot stood in place. But the Captain's was pretty far out, deep into the cave. He was moving...but you wonder if he was alright.

You watch your step as you head down the long stone stairway into Chrysalis's lair. As you go ever closer. You can hear the beating of bug wings, low voices, hissing, and can see the glow of the orb.

When you reach the bottom and look on ahead, there you saw her, Chrysalis...sitting idle and bored on her throne. She didn't even seem to notice you. You take a few steps forward. and announce yourself. "Chrysalis...."

All the changelings stop, and look at you, the captain wasn't among them. Well, not from what you could tell. But you'd be able to pick him from the crowd if he was wearing that oversized helmet.

Chrysalis looks over to you. "Anon..." She says, still bored. But her muzzle, she was slowly starting to smile "What a surprise, come to see your sister? I didn't think you cared that much to come visit me on your own"

You keep up a brave front.

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