• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,265 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 183 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Anon botched it!
Fillies are curious!
And a race to the Crystal Empire begins!

Twilight was shifting her her head towards the pair, then you, then the pair, then you. She was visibly frustrated. "Anon! Why?!"

"Why what? I got rid of them, didn't I?" Eghh..here we go. You knew why she was upset.

"That's not the point! Anon, we we're supposed to get them to investigate something that wouldn't bother anypony!"

Well, that's fucking boring. Why would they do that? It was clear they wanted the juiciest story they could find. It was the only thing you could think of! "Twilight, they we're never going to investigate something that actually required work. They want an easy story that would be sure to get attention. Besides, Cadance is a princess. She can handle it."

But Twilight was still upset. "Anon, she's pregnant. Do you realize how bad it is for her to get stressed? Not to mention the effects it could have on the baby. Nopony else was supposed to know!"

"Yeah well...erm...What about your brother? He's a tough guy. He could keep them out." It started to think in slowly, that you darn fucked up.

"And if they use dirty tricks to get past him? Darn it, I have to get to the train station. I've still got time to stop them"

You started to feel guilt now. But goddammit, you didn't want them bothering Fluttershy either. But....yeah, you did know stress was pretty bad for a pregnant woman. Who knows what kind of damage it could have on a horse. "Alright, alright. Let's go, we can come up with something else before they get to the station."

Twilight shook her head "No, you can wait back at the castle. I'm going to go fix this by myself"

"Twilight come on, I'm sorry. I really am, I didn't realize the whole stress thing. Let me help"
You really were. You only thought they'd be a nuisance. it completely slipped your mind how much stress could actually affect an unborn child.

"Anon, I'm not going to argue with you. I understand your heart was in the right place. I really do. But I have to fix this on my own. Just wait for me at the castle. I'll fix this and we continue our day. Alright?" Twilight was now trying to calm down. He was just a colt, she thought. He was just trying to protect Fluttershy, she thought. You didn't mean any ill will. She was doing her best to force herself to believe this.

"Twilight, I'm sure we can think of something else. Just le-"

She doesn't wait. She just teleports off midsentence.

God...fucking dammit… "Dammit Twilight come on...geez..dammit. I'm sorry. I'M SORRY!"

Fuck, it wasn't just the fact you fucked up that was bothering you. It was the fact you upset Twilight. You were actually having fun with her, laughing with her, even learning with her. And you botched it instantly with your selfish action.

You sit on your rump. Annoyed, frustrated. Ugh, you wanted her to wait and listen. Or at least take you with her if she was just gonna warp out. The only reprieve you had from total frustration meltdown is the fact that she seemed to at least understand what you were trying to do. You just didn't want Fluttershy to be bothered. If this was the show, this could have made for an entertaining episode. But, it wasn't. And you didn't want to see her brought to tears or hiding from the press in fear. But still...she was right. You shouldn't have replaced one target with another.

Suddenly, you feel a tapping at your back.
"Now now Discord, I actually fucked up."

No answer, just more tapping.
"I'm serious Discord. Unless you're gonna help me..."

You turn around, you don't see Discord. Instead you see a certain white rabbit.
"oh....it's you"

It was Angel, he must of been outside to hear your frustrated yell. He was giving you a rather mean look.

"What's your problem? Can't you see I'm moping?"

He just nods

"Then? Look. I just need some time to myself, ok?"

Angel didn't listen to you, instead he was hopping in place. grumbling and pointing at his forehead. Then starts to make wooshy noises.

"what?..wait. You heard everything, didn't you?"

He nods, then points to his forehead again. He was trying to help you. It seems you trying to protect Fluttershy made him think he had to help you in some way for your own fuck up.

"My horn? that's a no go. I already used it's charge for the day."

Angel stopped to think. Then he started pointing to his paw. Then put his two paws together and stretched them out. Then made a focused look as he looked slightly to the left then right, left then right.

"....I...don't follow"

Angel slapped his forehead. Then he spit on the ground and made a tossing motion. Then fell backwards. Then stood back up and looked at you, slightly annoyed.

"..wait...THE MAP! THE MAP, AND MY PORTAL DOOR GOES TO THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE! ANGEL, YOU'RE A GENIUS!"

You pick him up and kiss him on the lips. making him gag and spit and kick you In the face. his smack didn't hurt. but it made you realize how stupid you felt for doing something so cartoonish.
"Right...sorry...erm...yeah..."

You start reaching into your saddle bag to get the map.
"I'm..not gay ok? Just got a little exc....oh no"

When they dumped all your stuff. You forgot to put everything back. It's back at the castle.
"....dammit! DAMMIT!"

You didn't really care about cursing in front of the little fuzzball. He already seemed to know more than he let on.

As for the situation. You had plenty of time to get to the Crystal Empire. If you couldn't stop the press. And neither could Twilight. You could at least warn Cadance.
"I owe you one Angel..Just er...I mean that figuratively ok? I gotta go"

He just does a short salute to you as you rush off back to the castle.

All you had to do was warn Cadance. That's all. Super easy. Or actually. Warn Shining Armor. You remember them being rather inviting last time you saw them. So, they'd probably would give you audience if you asked.

"Hey Anon, what are you up to?" Says a young voice above you.

"Rushing back to Twilight's castle. I got something important to do"

"Neat, mind if I come with. Kinda bored and I was looking for something to do while Sweetie Belle and Applebloom finish whatever they are doing with their sisters."

"I dunn....wait..."

You come to a screeching halt as you see Scootaloo above you. Flapping those artificial wings of hers. "Scootaloo?! No....just no. I gotta do this on my own."

"Yeah, that's the thing. We actually wanted to invite you along in uhmmm.....well we haven't worked it out. Ever since we got our cutie marks. The things we do together....are kinda....not as much as it used to be. And now that you got your cutie mark...well..we don't really have a shot at that either..So, you know. We we're just gonna go to the clubhouse and plan things out for the week. So...since I have nothing else to do til then, I'm just gonna stick with you for awhile."

God..she wasn't listening.

You stop, making her zip ahead a little before she realizes you stopped. She zips backwards and hovers over you. confused. "What's wrong? we gotta stick together, remember? I know we all got our marks. But we're still crusaders." She looked both upset and annoyed. She didn't like the fact you were trying to shrug her off.

You sigh. She was gonna be on you until you could give her a valid reason to leave. "Scootaloo, I gotta fix something I screwed up, ok? I gotta go ALL the way to the Crystal Empire. I don't think you nor the others are willing to travel that far."

Scootaloo landed, excitement already filling her eyes "Are you kidding?! That sounds like the perfect thing we can all do together! But...." Scootaloo then realized the oddity to it. "Why are you going all the way over there? What did you screw up?"

...Well, you didn't have to say Cadance was pregnant. Maybe you could discourage her with the truth of it though. "ohhh, nothing really. Just sent a couple of journalists towards Princess Cadance's way and now I just gotta tell her to stay away from them. You know, boring stuff"

"Boring? That sounds even more exciting!" Scootaloo was about to nearly hop about in excitement.

"Uhhhhhhhh.....why is it exciting?"

"Well duh, that means we all have to come together and figure out how to sneak past the guards to get to Princess Cadance!"

Guards? Sneak....GUARDS?! AHHH SHIT! You forgot about them......but wait.
"Ohhh yeah, I forgot she had guards. I even think Twilight forgot that. There's nothing to worry about then. Trip cancelled, eheh."

"Why is the trip cancelled? Didn’t you say you accidentally sent a couple of journalists to Princess Cadance?"

"Yeah...but..you know...guards."

"Anon, let me tell you something" Scootaloo was recounting her days when she and her fellow crusaders were gabby gums "I was a journalist once. And I...we...could get anywhere we wanted. We got the scoop on like, everypony in town. If these journalists are professionals. Then they can get past the guards. That's why we have to do this! We have to beat them at their own game of....erm...Guard getting...pastings...or something like that"

Good god...she was right. If you knew and understood anything. it was the fact that you knew the guards were pretty incompetent.

And you didn't have any charges on your horn either...FUCK. How were you going to get past the guards? If Cadance noticed you, you'd be lucky. But fucking shit. she's pregnant. she's not gonna be out and about.

...as much as you hated to admit it....you were probably going to need some help....fuck...
"Ok Scootaloo...you've convinced me. Can you round up the others?"

"Sure I can! With these wings I c-" And then her wings pop off...her charge was done as well. "awwwwww, nuts! Well..I can still get Applebloom and Sweetie Belle pretty fast. They should be done by now!"

"ok good, just have them meet me near town hall. And we'll get down to business.I gotta pick some stuff up back at Twilight's castle."

Scootaloo nods, she's getting all kinds of excited to do a spec ops type of mission. "Oh gosh! This is gonna be soooo awesome! I'll be back as soon as I can!"

With that, you both split off.

You rush off to Twilight's castle to reclaim your items. When you get there, you have to knock for Spike to let you in. The door was locked. You tell him that you're in a hurry, and go to grab your stuff. Which it seemed he organized and put onto the table of the cutie map to be picked up by you.

"But where's Twilight? Why isn't she with you?" He asks/

You start stuffing your saddlebag with your stuff as you try to hurry along. "She's at the train station trying to stop those journalists, I'm going to err...act as back up."

Spike wasn't having that. He wanted to stand by Twilight as support, especially after seeing her getting whapped by the door. "Well then I'm going there too, she may need my help! But, how are you going to get to the Crystal Empire before those two dumbys do? They'd be at the train station long before you got there."

You get everything and start walking with Spike back to the exit of the castle.

"Son of chaos remember? I got a shortcut back at the house to go straight there. It'll be cake. If you're gonna help Twilight, you're gonna have to really run for it."

Spike was pretty determined to back her up "Right!" He immediately made a mad dash towards the station. You knew he'd never actually make it in time though. But god..or rather Celestia bless him for trying. He was a good guy, even if he was an ass sometimes. or a wuss. You wondered if there was ever going to be an episode where he gets to be a true badass, girl getting bro....probably never.

You keep a steady pace towards the town hall. not too fast, not so slow. You didn't want to get there too soon and actually have to wait. You were already planning in your head how to proceed, since they'd all have to enter your room for just a moment to get into the Crystal Empire.

You manage to reach Town hall, all three fillies were already there. Actually, thank god it was only three. You didn't need DT getting mixed up in this. IT'd just make things more complicated.

But as you went to sit in front of the three of them. You noticed...none of them looked pleased. Not even Scootaloo...what the fuckkkkkkkk? "Girls? You all ok? because it looks like I did something wrong...and I don't even know what I did..."

Sweetie Belle tosses a newspaper onto the ground in front of you, it was...THAT..newspaper. The one with you in it. "Are you going to explain this Anon?"

Errrrrrrrr........was that it? did that piss them off?....what exactly pissed them off?
"Explain what? I beat up a bunch of griffons. I stopped a criminal. erm...isn't that a good thing?"

"Actually, that is a good thing girls. Why exactly are we angry at him again?" Sweetie Belle asks, confused now as to why she was supposed to be miffed.

"He did it on Nightmare Night, when he was supposed to be hanging with us" Scootaloo said, seems she must have found out about this when she went to get the other two.

Applebloom nods "and do you know what the worst part is?"

Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! "Woah girls, come on now. Seriously? I'm sorry that I just upped and left, but I had things to do. It wasn't a hero thing, it was a good deed sort of thing. How can you get angry at me for that?"

"Because...we're supposed to be a team. If you we're gonna fight ah no good villain like that "Sharpclaw". Then we should have done it together, ya could have gotten really hurt, ya know?" Applebloom was both worried and angry at you "Yah can't be doin' this hero stuff all the time. what if that horn of yours goes out? Ah already know ya can't beat big tough ponies"

ohhh, god. That was it. They were angry that they didn't get to come along for that venture. With the added worry that you could have been hurt. "Applebloom, my dad gave me an unlimited charge for my horn that day. I wasn't gonna get hurt."

"Well then, why didn't ya take us with ya? We could have helped you with whatever you were doin'" Applebloom looked absolutely hurt that she was left behind like that.

"Applebloom.." You sigh, dammit. single minded children. "I didn't want to involve any of you, you all could have gotten hurt. The guy was a serious criminal. He even broke my leg. And then I shot my leg at him..or something like that. Point is, he was willing to break me in two. He probably wouldn't have hesitated to use any of you as leverage or just send you all to the hospital. Only reason I was ok was because I was basically as powerful as my dad."

All three of them just gulp from that, then Applebloom speaks, she did NOT like the sounds of that "Ya mean he would have hurt us realleh bad?"

You nod "Super bad,broken limbs everywhere"

Scootaloo chimes in first after hearing that "Well, I guess that explains that."

"I wouldn't mind borrowing that horn sometime. Actually..." Sweetie Belle looked over to you. Both dissuaded from wanting to be in on that particular adventure, but intrigued by the horn's power "Anon, do you think you could let me borrow it sometime?"

nope, for the sake of shit not exploding. you'd have to not let that happen "Sorry Sweetie Belle, the horn is kind of a me only thing. Dad wouldn't like it if I lend it out"

"Awww...ok" Sweetie Belle accepts it, just like that. But Applebloom looked like she had a question.

"Anon, ah think I understand now. But can ya atl east tell us before you do something like that? What if somethin' happens to you and nopony knew?"

Well...now that you were limited again...mnnnn
"Right...sorry...you’re right. Look, if I worried any of you, i’m really sorry. But you all understand why I didn't invite any of you right?"

They all nodded.

Good....now you could finally proceed. "Ok, now with that out of the way. If anypony wants to go now, you can go. I doubt there's not too much danger in what we're doing since the worst that'll happen is we'll get tossed out."

"Pfft, that's not even gonna happen. We're too quick" Scootaloo says with a smirk

"And smart" Sweetie Belle adds

"and crafty, lookie what I brought" Applebloom, you noticed, was wearing a saddlebag of her own. She opened it up and took out a bottle filled with a red liquid that caught everyone's eyes. including yours.

"Woah, what is that?" You asked.

"Knockout potion, Zecora taught me how to brew it. Ya just toss it and wham, lights out. She said ah should only use it when ahm in danger. So ah guess this would be the perfect time to test it. Cause ya know...this could be dangerous"

Well then, maybe this wasn't gonna turn out too bad afterall. Applebloom was at least equipped for the job.

You then turn to Sweetie Belle "Are you in Sweetie Belle? You don't have to join if you don't want to"

"Of course I'm in, Somepony has to make sure none of you panic." she points to her own head "Besides, I'm the one who comes up with the backup plans. which..erm..speaking of which. How are we going to get to the Crystal Empire?"

"Oh..that's easy. We're going to go into my room to get there. It has a door that will take us straight there."

As you walk over to the fountain. the other three follow. amazed that'd you'd even have such a door.

"You have a door that will take you to anyplace you wanna go?! Why haven't you ever told us about it before? That's pretty selfish Anon, do you realize how useful that kind of door could have been if we all knew? Think about it, we could always go to all the coolest spots in Equestria or go to a place to get a bite to eat or something without having to walk all the way" Scootaloo whines.

"It doesn't go everywhere Scootaloo, it only has four settings. Town hall, Aunt Fluttershy's,Crystal Empire, and the Everfree forest"

Sweetie Belle seemed confused at the last one "Why would it lead to the Everfree Forest? Unless you were interested in what being a snack would be like..."

"I actually don't have the answer to that either Sweetie Belle, Dad never actually told me why that setting is there. It's probably just a joke that never came to be. Then again, he never bothered to remove it either....can you girls step back for a moment?"

"Whatcha gonna do Anon?" Applebloom asks. Confused as to what you were doing.

"I'm just gonna toss my map in the water, it creates a portal to my room"

"Yeah ah know that, but...wait...yer not gonna trick us and just leave us here are ya?" Applebloom was getting ready to jump into the fountain the moment things got suspicious.

"No no..." You just wanted to look through the portal to make sure no changelings were in your room before the jump. If it's one thing they didn't need to know. Was the fact you were harboring an enemy race.

You toss in the map, and take a look as you speak. "It's just I like to make sure it's safe before we make the jump. Dad can be a little crafty sometimes..."

It looked clear. "Ok...so everything looks fine, all we have to do is jump in an-"

Before you could tell them "and go into the portal door", they all hop in like it was a pool. squealing in joy as you panic.

"WAIT. I DIDN'T EVEN..." You don't even get a chance to finish your sentence. the portal was closing fast, you make a dive and barely make it in as you bounce off your bed head first and land on your stomach on the ground. "Ogh...."

They had all hopped in at once. All of them had come to worry you were going to try to jump out on them. You weren't. And they seemed to stop caring about even that as they all started to spread out and investigate your room as you rolled on your back from pain.

"Why is there a door on the floor?" Scootaloo asked as she tapped at the door knob. "Shouldn't it be on the wall?"

Your eyes open wide as your ears perk up.You realize you now had three curious fillies in your room. Oh god, you didn't need them poking around or wasting too much time.

You immediately get on your hooves and rush up to Scootaloo. Holding the door shut.
"Don't worry about it, it leads into the living room. Which is not where we are supposed to-"

"This bed is amazing! It's so comfy,snuggly...and it's so warm...like...weird warm..but a nice warm. I could fall asleep on this forever" Sweetie Belle was giggling and rolling around under your blankets.

"S-sweetie Belle, I'm glad you're enjoying my bed and all. But we do have things to do. Remember?" FOCUS DAMMIT!

"Hold on Anon, I'm never gonna get another chance to lay down on this bed. It's like resting near an open fire. It's just sooooo comfy!" Sweetie Belle was having the time of her life just snuggling in a blanket.

"Sweetie Belle, I'm tell-"

"Hey Anon, what's with these pictures? And.....what is this?" Applebloom takes a picture down from your dresser to take a closer look.

You turn around. And notice....oh shit. there was even more pictures on your dresser than before. Each a moment from your current life in equestria. And.....OH GOOOOOODDDDD

"Anon....is this you snugglin' with a changeling?" Applebloom asks, irked by the picture

"What, hey, let me see that!" Scootaloo says, totally intrigued in what Applebloom was looking at

"Yeah me too! That can't be right." Sweetie Belle states as she unbundles herself and rushes over to take a look.

DAMMIT DISCORD. You had no idea why he added more pictures. More memories to remember perhaps? Well fucking shit, things just turned awful since there was a picture of you getting snuggled by chibi Chrysalis. How were you going to explain away that!?

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