• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 14

You look around for just a moment to see if the hayburger had fallen anywhere.
It hadn't. Damn, it actually tasted good. You sit there and ponder for a moment as to think of the reason Discord had teleported you. Then your eyes widened.

"...Oh shit… he probably… uhmm.." You slowly turn, expecting him to be behind you. He's nowhere in sight. "...hrm.."

You take one more moment to orient yourself and begin looking around the living room and kitchen for him… christ the kitchen's a mess. Dirty dishes lined up neatly while the clean ones were strewn all over the place. Grime and dirt along the sink and a bottle of some rather murky soap on the counter.

"Dad… you around?" As you search around the area. you happen upon a door. You can hear train noises coming from behind it. "...That's odd… mnnn… If he's behind there... do I really wanna open it?"

You pondered again. If he was watching, there'd be no escape. Might as well get it over with.

You open the door. What you see behind it is a breathtaking sight. On the floor laid a huge model of what appeared to be most of Equestria. Appleloosa, Ponyville, Manehatten, Canterlot, the Everfree. It was all there. With little models strewn about and some trains going.

Floating above it. working some kind of mechanism was Discord in a conductors hat. He hasn't seemed to notice you. "All aboard the train to Manehatten! Tickets please. And don't worry, there's only a small chance of a raging manticore turning over the train.. Ehehe" He was talking to himself.

You carefully move along the walls as to not crush any of the pieces. Sadly..you fail at this and step on a couple of trees. With a human foot that may have hurt. But hooves man.
Immediately you are magically lifted off the ground and brought to the middle of the room. hovering over the mini-Equestria. Upside down.

"Anon! Can't you be more careful? I'm trying to run a somewhat smooth train company here!"

"U-umm sorry. Umm, so, what's all this? Heh." You were nervous. Either he was seriously playing with this set or he was just going to make you a part of it.

"Oh this silly thing? Just a small hobby I've taken up. Fluttershy says it's good to have one to help one relax. Look, see? it has everything that's essential.” Discord pointed at a few notable locations. such as the Everfree forest and Twilight's castle. They all looked nearly real. As did the little pony figurines. "I can even open them up to move a few of the little models around. Here look!"

He opened up the Canterlot Castle. Sitting on the throne was a mini him with Celestia at his side. "Here's me, Ruling of course. And there's Celestia..and there's Celestia's Doggie bowl!"

Hmm, that's odd. You didn't see Fluttershy anywhere. Maybe the figurine was in the little floating Cloudsdale.

"This is all pretty neat..umm..So..you've been messing around with this all day, huh?" You ask.

Discord shook his head "Not ALL day… I also spent my morning having some breakfast with Fluttershy and discussing you. Oh Anon, you should have seen her smile whenever I mentioned what a good little colt you are. we discussed putting you in school, going out on a family picnic, And the fact you were already out and about making new friends just thrilled her! It was wonderful Anon, I not only get to spend more time with my best friend but it will win me points with my other friends too! Think of it, I might be able to sneak some of the delicious zap apple jam from Applejack with only a minor talking to… if she ever found out that is. Now, tell me. How did your day go?"

Oh boy. You wondered at that very moment how much he actually cared about the reputation he was painting on you. "You weren't watching me?"

Discord scoffed "Of course not" He flipped you right side up "I was busy Anon. You don't need to be so egotistical you know. I can't be watching you ALL the time. That'd be creepy."

You chuckle nervously. "Y-yeah… Umm, so, what do you wanna know about? Just the good stuff right?"

"Hmm? "Good stuff"? Are you implying there are "bad stuff"?"

You looked around dishonestly, not making eye contact. "M-maybe… I mean, I wouldn't think it was that bad. I mean… Sweetie Belle thought it was cool"

"Hrnn..give me a moment Anon." Discord removed his eyeballs from their sockets as they grew wings and arms and took the mechanism from his talons to use on their own. It seemed to be the controls for the trains and tracks. He then looked at you… Those empty sockets… creeeeepppyyy. "I'm all ears Anon, Tell me everything."

...Let's see. How to go about this? Well...Maybe it wouldn't be so bad? What he says doesn't always mean what he actually means. He's a lover of chaos. He might even get a kick out of it. The only thing he might berate you for is the whole Rainbow Dash thing anyway.

"Well I met up with Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo and they did the whole tour thing. And..." You explain to Discord the events that occurred from the start up to the point Scootaloo left.

Discord shook his head "Anon, Anon. You couldn't have lied just a little better than that? Scootaloo is very sensitive you know."

"Isn't lying a bad thing?"

"Well it would be had you not started the foundation of your friendship on a lie. I'm not telling you to lie ALL the time. I'm just telling you a good key on winning over friendships is to NEVER upset your friends. Always be loyal, even if you have to lie"

Terrible moral, but it actually sounded more human than equestrian. Still, you didn't want entire friendships to be built from a lie. For now however. You'd just accept his moral at face value.

"Yeah… I'll do better next time, heh. This next part… Maybe you'll like it. I actually caused quite a bit of chaos..."

Discord smiled immediately at those words. a large grin. "Ohhhh? I didn't think you'd have it in you to cause some trouble. What did you do? Did you paint a pony's mane another color? Did you mix some apples with oranges? Did you make Rarity faint? Details Anon! Details!"

Good good, he seemed pretty excited. Man, he's gonna flood the room with tears of joy when he hears this one. Feeling confident now. As his reaction to Scootaloo was not what you were expecting. You tell him of the occurrence with DT and SS.

"..Haha. You should have seen them. Silver Spoon..she actually..haha.. She actually tucked her tail between her legs. I didn't even think that was a thing! Isn't that great Dad, right? ....Dad?" He wasn't reacting. And suddenly you can hear noises from below you.

You looked down, the trains were crashing and piling up as some of them crashed into the various towns and area. Which caused them to burst into flame. "U-um...d-dad...your..trainset is kinda on fire… and… exploding.."

He said nothing. His eyes however had dropped the mechanism and flew back into his eyes at they began to narrow and stare at you.

...Oh boy… "D-dad?"

He started to speak. But his tone was no longer bolstering with good humor. But instead with dark growls "Anon..do you mind running those last few parts to me again? I don't think I heard it right..."

....What?! What was wrong?! it sounded like right up his alley...R-right? "U-umm..I just… sorta… threatened them.. And.. stuff."

"And stuff..." he repeated rather darkly

You nodded as the flames began to get higher. As they engulfed the entire train set. The smoke wasn't moving as normal however. It was swirling below you. almost like it was forming a ring.

"D-discord?"

"Tell me Anon, what possessed you to do a stupid thing like that? As to actually threaten violence and virtually go against the common decency of being a good natured little colt?"

"H-hey come on, why are you mad? I-I mean. You seemed happy when you thought it was a prank."

"Yes, Anon, a prank. Something fun and of little consequence. What you did was traumatize two fillies with your human sensibilities."

You were losing. And that smoke cloud was suddenly producing lightning while a thin oval of water appeared in the middle. constantly rippling… It kind of looked like a portal. You had to reason with Discord, you had to make him see it wasn't so bad. You had a feeling that if you didn't, he was going to drop you.

"Come on Discord! They deserved it. You wanted me to make friends with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and I did...sorta...for the most part. Crushing two fillies who constantly bully them should be a positive! Can't you see that!?"

Discord shook his head "Sorry Anon, if you were say… a friend, a stranger, an acquaintance. I probably wouldn't care. But you are my son now. And as much as we both hate it. I am responsible for you, therefore I am in charge of you. And that includes your punishment..."

OH CRAP... HE WAS. HE WAS GONNA DROP YOU!

You started to plead and yell at him. "DON'T DO IT. I CAN FIX IT! DON'T DROP ME! COME ON, PLEASE. I'M SORRY… RIGHT DISCORD?! YOU WOULDN'T DROP ME! THINK OF FLUTTERSHY! WHAT WOULD SHE SAY?!"

"Goodbye Anon, you should have thought before you acted" Discord snapped his fingers. Sending you creaming downwards into the swirling smoke vortex. Into darkness...

In the next moment, you suddenly hit a sudden stop. Smacking right into your head. You immediately got up and started rubbing yourself and checking everything was in order while you panted heavily, drenched in sweat from being horrified.

"HA...AHH AHH..AHH...OK..OK...ha...ah...I'm all here...ok..wh-what?" You felt clothing on you. In fact, you were in the same pony tux and top hat that Discord first dressed you in. "..The hell?"

You looked around... It was night… You were sitting in front of a rather large house..a manor of sorts.

"What in the? Am I in Ponyville? How'd it get night so fast? Why am I in clothes again… Am I dead?"

Suddenly you heard a sigh right above you "Anon, must you always be so morbid?"

"Gyah!" You yelp in surprise as you jump backwards. Floating just above was Discord. In a yellow tux and top hat. Holding a cane with a sign of chaos at the hilt.

"Discord! Dammit, what the hell was- OW!"

Discord whacked you right on the head with his cane as he planted his feet to the ground and wiped his chest off. "Manners, Anon."

You rubbed your head… At one point, it really was going to crack like an egg. "Ngh... fine Dad.. What was that back there?! Did you really have to pull off those ridiculous theatrics? geez christ..."

"Anon, Anon. How are you supposed to learn unless I set an example?" He said as he adjusted his top hat.

"And what, pray tell, was I supposed to- OW!" He whaps you again. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Discord shrugs "For now, I don't know. But i'm sure i'll have a reason to have done that sooner or later. In anycase, Anon. Since it hasn't sunk into your head yet. Let me make it clear. You acted out an act of childish cruelty, even if it was for good reasons. We don't threaten other young fillies or colts with acts of violence and harsh words. If you want to do such things, go find an evil arch villain or something. Are we understood?"

You continue rubbing your hoof on your head. You understood that. But what was with the portal and… "Ok...so what are we doing here? Whose place is this?"

"Filthy Rich's home of course"

You started to back up. You didn't like where this was going and you wanted to get far away as possible.

"Noooooope. I can already see where this is going. If you think I'm going to apologize, you got another thing coming. I'm not giving her ANY sense of satisf-...dammit.."

You realized you weren't making headway as Discord just stared at you with his snaggletooth grin. He taps his cane to the ground, making the dirt path to the gate send a small wave that brings you right to the door.

Discord walks up to the door alongside you and knocks "Well, at least you catch on quick. I didn't want to have to explain EVERYTHING. Now then, I expect you to be on your VERY best behavior, understood?"

You can't escape. So, you just wait for whatever pony to answer the door. You look up at Discord. "You know this won't even work out right? He's just going to freak out."

Discord says nothing. He stood elegantly at the door. Like a regal visitor. "..Fine, ignore me. I'm just gonna laugh when this all blows up."
It only takes another moment. But the door finally opens. You expected a butler pony of some sort… maybe a sexy mare maid, but it was Filthy Rich himself.

he looked up at Discord and gave him an inviting smile "Ahh Mr.Discord, right on time. Why don't you and your son come in?"

Discord gave a small bow "Why of course Mr.Rich. Thank you for inviting us to your home. It is quite a pleasure to be in the company as one as illustrious as yourself."

Your jaw nearly dropped. He was acting all fine and dandy… What? What ruse is this?

"Come in, Come in, I was just getting today's profit reports in order." Filthy invited you both in with earnest

Filthy Rich leads you both inside to his study. What in the world?
You whisper to Discord "Ok, what the heck is going on? Why isn't he freaking out?"

Discord looked down at you and whispered "It's called manners Anon. While you were swirling around in that vortex, I arranged a visit with Filthy Rich. It's simple really."

"That doesn't explain why he isn't freaking out. Didn't you scare him into this or something?"

Discord snickered "Of course not,we both came to an understanding that we are both powerful beings in our own way. After a nice little chat I got to bringing up the point of an altercation between you and his daughter and that was that. What, did you think I was controlling him or this was some sort of dream?"

"......." You stay silent

Discord nodded at you. "That's what I thought"

Eventually you both were lead into a study that consisted of many books. Almost like a library. It had a fireplace where a sofa and a few chairs sat near. a the other end of the room was filing cabinets upon filing cabinets with a work study next to them.

Filthy Rich both offered you a seat. It was time for business. "Now then, Mr.Discord. You weren't too clear about this "altercation" between your son and my daughter. I trust it wasn't anything that would have hurt my darling little princess, she seemed fine when she got home."

Filthy Rich was tapping his hooves together, his inviting demeanor hid the serious tone in his voice.

"Well Mr. Rich. To put it simply. It seems my Anon had said some rather cruel words to her. In his defense, it seems that your daughter was harassing his friends." Discord himself, had a rather gentlemanly tone about him as he spoke

Filthy's Rich's eyes narrowed. And his expression became more serious. And yet he still kept a respectful tone. "Mr.Discord… I appreciate you bringing your son to apologize for his behavior. But I hope you aren't suggesting that my daughter would do any kind of harassing"

Noooope. You slam your hoof on the table and look at Filthy Rich with furious anger. "I'm not apologizing to nopony! Her and her friend were insulting mine just because they didn't have cutie marks! If anything, she should be apologizing to me!"

Discord picked you up by the scruff as you huffed, still staring at Filthy Rich. He plopped you back on your seat before giving a small bow to Filthy Rich. "My apologies Mr.Rich. He is still young."

Filthy Rich didn't even seem to react. He just sat there, pondering. "It's fine Mr. Discord. That kind of attitude reminds me of my younger days." He fixed his gaze towards you "Son, tell me, is what you are saying really the truth?"

You nod, staying silent. Being grabbed by the scruff reminded you that Discord was still present. And still in power.

"I see… It's troubling to hear that my little princess would do such an awful thing as to cause this young colt to show such anger. Mr. Anon, considering your father wishes for you to apologize, what exactly did you say in retaliation to my dear Diamond Tiara?"

"...u-ummm.." Oh boy… You started to sweat. Thinking about it. It was pretty bad. "..I....I..uh...I threatened to hurt her… and to turn her into a grape… if she didn't take back what she said."

Filthy Rich looked at his crackling fireplace, and stood up to stand in front of it. "Mr.Anon. Just to let you know. I don't tolerate such brazen acts to be exposed to my daughter..is that clear?"

You look to Discord. For anything… Something… This was starting to sound bad. But he didn't even look at you. So you look at Filthy Rich with a frown, looking down, your ears drooping. "...yes sir..."

"I also won't tolerate my daughter participating in the same kind of behavior. Why, it just ain't ladylike. To hear that she's insulting others just for not having a Cutie Mark, well, it ain't the Rich way. My family built this entire fortune through good relations and fantastic business practices and bygonit, It's gonna stay that way."

Wow, that's unexpected. You thought he was going to go to town on your ass… Filthy Rich turned to Discord "So, as fathers...what do you suppose we should do?"

"I say we switch their bodies to let them see how it is to be in eachother's horseshoes!" Discord said with glee.

Filthy Rich coughed before dismissing that suggestion "No… I was thinking of something more practical But, hrnn… Instead of switching their bodies, why don't we just have them learn from each other? Have them dedicate their time to one another?"

"Ooohhh, that sounds like a marvelous idea! I'm sure my Anon would shape up quickly" Discord clapped at the idea.

Filthy Rich nodded to himself. "I quite like it myself, my little darlin' would learn a few lessons herself in treating the less fortunate with a little more respect. They will be customers when they grow up, eheh."

Oh...good....god..no. NO..NO..NO...a million fucking times no! You opened your mouth to say something. But what could you say? There was no way you could challenge this..at all. Now, you just wanted to go back home.

You hear one of the doors to the study open, small footsteps heading into the room.
"Daddy, Can you have one of the serv-....ants..."

It was Diamond Tiara… you raise yourself from your seat and lean over behind you to get a look at her. She was in shock to see you and Discord.

"w-w-what are they doing here?" She asked, rather spooked.

Filthy Rich chuckled. "Ahh good, now I don't have to have somepony fetch ya. Diamond Tiara, this young colt says you said some awful things earlier today. Is what he said true?"

Diamond Tiara was taking a step back, it looked like she was heading towards the door. "U-uhhmm.."

"Diamond, I ain't gonna ask ya again"

She gulped, looking at Discord. She suddenly dived and covered her head "Yes! I did! PLEASE DON'T TURN ME INTO A GRAPE! I'M SORRRRYYY!"

"Diamond Tiara" Filthy Rich walked up to her, he was giving a stern fatherly look "I am very disappointed in you missy! I know I raised you better than that!"

Diamond Tiara, noticing she wasn't turned into a grape. Realized what was going on. Her father knew… and was upset at her. "B-but daddy! It was Silve-"

"No buts!" Filthy Rich turned to you "Mr. Anon, can you come over here and apologize to my daughter for what you've done?"

..Geez, he was being pretty reasonable… but still. You look to Discord first… nope, he just points to you to get your butt in gear. Fine, whatever.

You get up and stand in front of the pony you had disdain for. Those tears… you felt nothing. She just didn't want to be in trouble "I'm sorry for all the mean things I said."

"Good good, Now Diamond, Apologize to Anon" Filthy commanded.

"Bu-but I already did..."

Filthy Rich stepped closer, looking down on her with steel iron will. "Diamond..."

She gulped and looked at you with fear. You were Discord's son. She could tell you were being made to apologize as well. But she knew she couldn't trump you. Not because of you yourself. But because of who your "father" is. "..I'm...sorry.."

"Good, now get up to your room. You won't be having any snacks tonight. Am I clear?" Filthy Rich said.

Diamond Tiara nodded. "Yes...Daddy.." She then turned and hung her head low as she walked out of the study.

Filthy Rich chuckled to himself. "Children, the bright stars of the future, but we parents have got to be there to guide them towards the right path, wouldn't you agree Mr.Discord?"

"What?..oh right. Yes, right right." It seems Discord wasn't paying attention at one point.

Ugh… taking it seriously at first. And now just losing interest… Goddamn him. He was treating you like a child… Dammit.

"Well, it was nice having this little chat and I expect you, Anon. To be on your best behavior when around my daughter. And to keep her away from whatever bad influences had persuaded her to take such awful actions."

You nod… defeated… beaten… nothing you could do but agree. Filthy Rich then turned to Discord with a courteous smile "Well Mr. Discord, it seems our business here has concluded… though. I wouldn't mind having future talks. A pony of your… disposition could lead to all kind of new business ventures for Barnyard Bargains and it's subsidiaries , in fact if you are willing to stay awhile longer."

Discord immediately sprang to life and grabbed you like a football… He did not want to sit through any business talk. "Oh look at the time! If I don't get food into Anon he has nightmares, wouldn't want that. Goodbye Mr. Rich, ta-ta and all that!" He snapped his fingers. Teleporting you both through a blinding light.

Filthy Rich just blinked. "...huh.."

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