• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 64

You lay on the your bed. Wondering what the hell just happened. You looked to your door. Ugh...
You were never actually good with women. Even in pone world with cute horses. You had your sperg moments. But goddamn, that was too much. You felt so confused. FemDiscord… Eris as some would call it, was pretty damn hot. But it was still Discord, you knew he was messing with you, and even if you could have sex with it. No telling what terrifying kinks he'd/she'd actually have. Best to try to forget.

And so you laid there, and waited for dinner. You got up a few times. once to open the portal door to see the time of day. It was already dark. And then… there was school tomorrow. No telling how that was going to go… You were sure you could handle it. But, so many kids around you? It was a little worrisome. But with DT's redemption… things should be ok. Not like Snips and Snails were a threat if they somehow became bullies.

You closed the door. Stepping out now would be a travesty, given you didn't have your trusty map. Things have gone so different than what you planned. Instead of becoming super good friends with ponk, you became friends with Lyra and Bonbon. Instead of any of the CMC sorta falling for you, Diamond Tiara was the one who did. And any chance of getting the ponut was out of your hooves. And so far, you have met two out of the four princesses. Though the visit with Celestia was brief. You wondered if she had been keeping track of the going ons of you and Discord. In case she herself had jumped the gun.

Then you hear it. "Anon, Dinner's ready!" Thank god… male voice.

You open your door and head down the gravity stairs. Discord sat at a rather small table. With a seat across from him. Two plates sat on the table for the both of you… filled with tacos. And each were filled with something different.

You went and sat at your seat. And stared at the food. Taking care to look at the contents of each. some even had flowers in them. "Tacos huh? Is it Tuesday?"

Discord shook his head "Monday actually, I wanted to get a jump on things."

Ok, well. The ones with flowers irked you a little, but at least they weren't blue. But hey… you were a horse now. Might as well try it. You bite into it… hey, pretty good.

Discord himself wasted no time in digging into his food… You'd never get used to the way he eats though. His tacos were actually inverted. With the filling being the shell and the shell being the filling. So weird. And still, that one question lingered in your mind. Maybe now that was dinner time. He'd be more open to it. You raise your hoof slowly to ask your question. "Discord… I-"

You stop the moment he gazes at you, and bounces his eyebrows up and down and does a smooch… Yeah, nevermind… "ok… um, I mean. You know, so how are we doing the whole school thing… is what I was gonna ask"

Discord pops three tacos into his mouth, and without chewing, it goes right down. Then he wipes his mouth with a tissue and let's it go as it flies away like a bat. "Are you seriously asking that Anon? You've been to school haven't you? You just go and learn things."

"Well yeah, I know that much. But like… is there anything I need to know, since you know… I've never been to a pony school."

"Nothing in particular. Though I wouldn't be throwing around your "Genius" mind around like it was actually something. You'd give everypony the wrong impression."

Right… you did want to be a little of a smart alek before, but now that you've been in this world longer. You didn't really have the heart to put down anyone by acting like a prodigy. "Gotcha… so, what about school supplies?"

"Fluttershy has that covered. She's been oh so excited to see you off on your first day of school. She really enjoys the prospect of being an Aunt. So please Anon. Humor her whims."

You didn't need to be told. You really enjoyed it when you were around Fluttershy, especially when she was happy.

"You don't need to worry about that. I don't think I could live with myself if I actually upset Fluttershy." A little bit of a bold statement. But if she ever cried because of you… it'd break your heart. You could never forget how much she cared for you back at the hospital and her cottage.

"Good, because I don't think you could live with yourself if you did make her cry. In fact, living would be quite difficult." Discord gave you a hard stare…

Yeah, if it was one real trigger Discord had. It was if anything happens to Fluttershy, whatever did it would be fucked. He must have really been blown away when she forgave him after committing high treason.

You nod, you weren't afraid of his threat. You'd never do anything like that. "I know I know… I won't do anything bad. So… Discord. I know we gotta keep this up forever, in a sense. But, there's something I really want to know..."

Discord finishes his food, then eats the plate "And that is?"

"Growing up… I know it's nothing for me to worry about now. But if I'm as natural as you say. I'm gonna grow up right? Into a stallion?"

Discord nods "Yes, and with my food. A very healthy one."

"Right… the thing I'm actually wondering is. Well, I'll have to move out right? Make it on my own? Because, I know ponies usually go off their cutie mark. But… can I even get one? I've never actually asked you that"

Discord leaned back. his expression became soft, almost fatherly so. He seemed to actually care to answering the question. "As I've told you. The magic of that mirror makes you one hundred percent natural with a side of chaos. You are, like everypony else, capable of getting a Cutie Mark. What it is? I haven't a clue. But you'll do fine, it's not too hard living in Equestria. Usually doing your special talent is enough to have a living. Though… I suppose, depending on what your cutie mark actually is. Moving out might not be viable."

So, you can even get a Cutie Mark… but… what does he mean by that last part. "What do you mean not viable?"

Discord shrugged "Even I don't know what I mean by that. But just for a fun example. Let's say you're special talent happens to be living in a basement and watching cartoons on the projector, you'd never be able to make it out there. And I'd be forced to keep you in… Of course… under special conditions."

Your ears droop as your pupils slightly shrink at the sheer terror of that being your special talent. "Y-yeah… fun… But, uhhh… I doubt that would be my cutie mark."

"You mean you hope that isn't your Cutie Mark."

Yeah… "O-ok… moving on." You actually start to eat as you continue your conversation.

"Discord, uhh... I've been wondering. Are you in love with Fluttershy by any chance?"

Discord didn't answer. The moment his brain comprehended the question. He started puking like a cannon. Various crap hitting you, covering you in a viscous gooey substance of nightmarish vomit.

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't do that kind of commitment! Why would you even bring that up during dinner conversation. What's wrong with you Anon?!"

You shouldn't even be surprised. You wipe the puke off your face and take a breath. Ughhh… it was so… gooey and sticky "a..ahhnnnn… g-grossss… I'm… sorry I asked..."

Discord raised his paw as all the puke came off of you. So much so any dirt or dust on you flies off too. Forming a giant ball… and leaving you squeaky clean somehow. Discord then moves the ball over to him and devours it. "Ahh… now that was a good dessert… anyway" Discord looks over to you. You were still stunned from the sudden puke assault. "Well Anon...do you have an answer?"

You say nothing. Even being clean, it all was so… ugh.

"Anon? Hrn..." Discord already begins to lose interest in your answer as he grins, snapping his talons as a gloved hand appears before you.

"Anon… if you don't want me to slap you, Say something."

You were still stunned. You could swear there was some horrific worms and creatures that were in that puke that hit you, crawling on you… in you. It was horrible… and for Discord just to eat it?!

"Ok" The glove slaps you on the face to make you yelp, and snap you out of your trance.

"Aye geez...what was that for?!" You rubbed your face with your hoof as you gave an angry glare at Discord.

"You weren't responding. I had to do something. I hope you aren't upset, because there is a question I want to ask you now Anon."

He had a question for you? You were still a little miffed. But, he's answered your questions so far. "What is it?"

Discord seemed to be hesitant with this one. He started tapping at the table before asking.
"Anon, I don't want you to think too deeply into this. But since we are having dinner and conversation is a must. I want to ask this… Do you consider me a friend?"

What? That… That was a surprising question. "Is that a serious question? Or are you going to spring something else on me?"

Discord sighed, and looked down, then back at you. his expression becoming melancholic "Just curious..."

He was asking this after just puking and slapping you, not to mention the femdiscord stuff… but… the day you had with him. It was the first day you both pretty much hung out as equals. And… it wasn't bad.

And his expression. If it was real, then, as odd as it seemed to you, it meant whatever you said he would take to heart. He wasn't a bad guy… you had no reason to tell him he was. He gave you a new home, you had good friends, and he was cool to hang out with. But, why was he so curious? You had a little trouble putting two and two together.

"Yeah, I do. You're a bit of a jerk Discord. But,you've never made me hate you. And when you aren't pranking me. You're pretty damn cool… Is there any reason you're curious all of a sudden?"

"Oh no real reason. I just wanted somepony else's opinion other than Fluttershy's. She's too nice sometimes, and I knew you'd give me a more unbiased answer. And with that answer, it just tells me just how good of a friend I am." Discord chuckles as he looks at the claws of his talons, blows on them, then rubs his chest "It means the next time Twilight or her friends, sans Fluttershy of course, tells me I'm not a very good friend, I can just bring you up and show them that I am in fact...a very good friend."

Right… of course that'd be his reason. "You're one of a kind Discord."

"Ain't I just?"

"So then… with that, when are we going to go out committing chaos again? Or maybe trying to fix another friendship issue. I know we fucked up… but, if we tried a pony that was easier… I mean, Trixie is still an option… or if we can find her… Starlight Glimmer… I mean, before she shows up on her own."

"If she shows up on her own. The timeline, she is a changin' Anon." Discord says in a cowboy accent.

"What do you mean? I thought it wouldn't change that much"

"And it probably won't. But there's still the possibility. I'm sure there was never a point in the timeline where I pulled a human from his world to Equestria. Nor was there ever a point where I and this human turned pony went and messed with the changelings. Who knows, it could inadvertently change things in ways we wouldn't expect. Or it might not."

Right, that seemed obvious.

Discord continued "As for the answer to your question. I'd love to do it soon. But it will require the right moment and the right target… oh wait, never mind. I thought of one."

That was fast. "Who?"

"Princess Celestia of course… She's a thousand years due for a little actual payback"

Uhhhhhh… "Right… no, come on. Not her, she'll just take it in stride. She doesn't seem to be afraid of your antics now that you're good. How about… I dunno… Cadence? That might be fun… and I'm not really emotionally invested in her"

"Please… You are aware who her husband is right? We do that and the next thing we know, Twilight will be lecturing us to Tarterus and back."

Right, that is true. You and Discord would never get away with that. "Luna? No… no, she's really sensitive these days… as far as the episodes go anyway."

"Oh come on Anon, that actually could be fun....imagine all the nightmares she'd bring us as revenge. It could be amazing!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPE. "NOOOO… Nononononoo… no, ain't dealing with none of that nightmare shit… fuck… This is harder than I thought."

"Party pooper.." Discord was a little miffed about you not wanting to try. Damn… you could do Spoiled Rich… but… no, not her. She still had money and power. And no doubt that wouldn't help with your or Discord's reputation.

"I guess we can just sit on it for now and think of something later… I'm getting kind of tired." You yawned

"Ahhh, the hooves of the night clutch onto you hmm? Well then, you should get some rest. You'll have to be awake in the morning."

That sounded like a good idea. "Yeah..." You yawned "I guess I'll get going… Thanks for hanging out with me Discord. It was really fun."

Discord gave you a nod, and then a salute "It was fun, Private, a successful operation indeed. Though we never did get around to a debriefing"

Really? He wanted to go that far with it? Eh, why not. let's indulge. "Alright, let's do that then… General"

Discord nodded to that. But he didn't say anything however.

"Discord?" No, instead, you suddenly feel something on your lower half. You look back… you were in boxer briefs suddenly.

And then they came down, magically.

It was a little amusing..but not enough for you to laugh. Discord seemed to find it hilarious though. It was a little endearing. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA OH THAT'S RICH!"

You let out a chuckle. He did it in good humor. It wasn't anything that'd make you sour since he did it without anyone else around. Still, it wasn't as funny as he made it sound. Can't win em all Discord. "It was cute. Heh… but I'm going to bed now. Seeya in the morning Discord."

Discord calmed his laughing as you went under your door. "Anon, hold on. There's one last thing."

One last thing? Nnmm, come on, you were tired. "Yeah? What's up?"

"Well, I was thinking. And you've been a real good sport about everything that's happened thus far. I want to reward you with a gift."

A gift? Another one? He's already been pretty generous, all things considered. "What is it?"

Discord snapped his talons as a horn appeared before you… It was. "Hey… that's my Sombra horn."

Discord nodded "Indeed it is… I've made… a small upgrade to it"

W-what? "Upgrade?"

Discord nods "Indeed, I've thought about it. You have proven yourself worthy of the art of chaos… not completely of course, more of an accomplished cadet. So, I grant you a horn that you can actually use… once per day."

Woah what? "Use? Once per day? What do you mean?"

Discord grinned "Give it a try Anon… But be wary, with great power, comes great irresponsibility… So it might be a good idea not to screw up."

Ha… still… You wondered… "Give it a try huh?" You take the floating horn and put it on. Instead of turning you into a mini-sombra. It instead becomes a unicorn horn of matching coat color. "Woah… I'm a unicorn now?!"

"Close… Just… Try it"

"But… I don't have any kind of magic training"

Discord went over and bopped your head "Anon, you insult me. As If I'd give you a gift that you'd need actual practice for. Just use it already!"

Ouch… geez. "Fine fine… yeesh… ok… just try it., uhh… how to try it..." You point the horn at the wall, and try something you always wanted to try. "I hope this works… KAAAA… MEEEEE… HAAA… MEEEE..." As you say it, your horn starts to build up in a blue colored energy. "HAAAAAOOOOOPH!"

You release a giant blue beam into the wall, obliterating it, but the force also send you backwards into the other wall. Ogh… It hurt pretty bad. And your horn fell off after use. "O-ooh… t… that was dum-b… o-o-of..me..."

Discord looked at the hole in his wall "Hrn… looks nice" Then he looked at you, picked you up, and dusted you off. "Are you alright Anon? You took off like a rocket."

"N-no..."

"Well that won't do..." Discord put his paw on your back and pressed hard. You felt and heard a snap… and you felt… fine "Now how do you feel?"

"U-uhhmm, better, what did you do?"

"Simply snapped some of your insides back into place… be careful with your new toy Anon, you don't want to break anything" Discord gently puts you down and gives you a pat on your head.

You still felt a little achy. The excitement you had left you immediately after such a misfire. Yeah, need to think things through better.

You walk over to the horn and try putting it back on… but it won't stick… once a day… got it.
You didn't know if you should accept the gift. Or… at least use it all willy nilly. Like with Bonbon's grappling hook you have yet to use, this was something you'd have to get used to. "Thanks Discord, you didn't have to do this."

"Don't mention it Anon. Just being a good friend and father. Nothing more than that, now you better scurry onto bed. Or you're not going to wake up in the morning."

Right… best to get some sleep. You give a goodnight to Discord. and take your horn with you up to your room. You put the horn away for now. And think to yourself about how the day has gone. All things considered, it was fun. But Discord was definitely acting strange. It was as if he was being a dick to hide something, instead of just being a dick.

You just couldn't figure it out. Probably not worth it. Otherwise, he was nice and fun all day… and even cheered up Coco. Discord is just random it seems. You couldn't figure it out.
Eh, probably not worth thinking about right now anyway. You had school to worry about. So probably best to just get some rest. And that horn. It started to make you feel excited again. If only because the possibilities seemed endless.

And so you cuddle on your bed, into your blanket, and sleep.

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