• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 59

"Discord, come on. We're not going to be able to get Suri to open up unless we can get her trust"

"And then we obliterate it when we actually question her on it. Because I don't see how we're going to get her to talk about it without her becoming suspicious. Ponies are trusting… but they aren't THAT stupid."

Hmmm..he had a point. "Ok, then we don't tell her… Let's see... How about we just keep her satisfied, and then have Coco come in and talk with her when she's distracted?"

"You mean put her in a situation where she would HAVE TO confront Coco? Oh yes, that's something I can do quite easily. But why the whole fashion nonsense? I could just lock them both in a room until they've talked it out. Easy peasy."

Yeah… no. "We can't do that. Well maybe we could… ARGHH! THIS IS TOUGH!" You started to get frustrated. "Even if we do the whole fashion thing to lure her in, we'd have to talk to Coco first, get her to be in on it, and then hope Suri just goes for it… But dammit… I don't have a clencher. She'd still realize we were lying to get her to talk to Coco. And like every fucking saturday morning cartoon realization. She'd get pissed off and leave."

"Well, that's not a bad thing, is it? By that logic, we should be able to talk her back in within a twenty two minute time frame… commercials notwithstanding."

"It wouldn't be if it wasn't for the fact that I have no clue on how to go about calming her down. If we can get passed that, I'm sure we could get this whole thing done without a problem."

You both sat around and began to think, taking a look out the window every so often for Suri's presence. There had to be something. a way to clench this problem without anyone going through the annoying "THIS IS STUPID" moment.

While you thought, a bright light suddenly filled the room. "What?" You look up, and you see a lightbulb above Discord's head. lit and floating. "You got an idea there daddio?"

Discord pulled the switch to the magical floating lightbulb and smiled towards you. "Indeed I do, instead of making pointless additions to the plan. Why don't we cut out a piece?"

"Cut out a piece? Cut out what exactly? It's all essential, we just need a clencher."

Discord walked over to you and gave you a pat on the head with his hoof "Silly Anon, I'll never understand you humans and your inability to keep things simple. Here..." Discord makes a chart appear of the plan that has been thought up thus far. "It's a good thing I'm a master schemer Anon, or else you'd be in real hot water right now."

You stare at the chart, then look dismissively at Discord. "I dunno, your plans may be simple but you never win out in the end. Are you sure you got this?"

Discord nods "Yes Anon, I'm sure… I watched enough of the episodes to see how these whole friendship problems work… Anyway..." Discord points his hoof to the chart "Instead of bringing in Coco to talk to Suri, let's cut out bringing in Coco and have her already there."

"What? That won't work. Suri didn't even bother going to see Coco after the letter. She'd just walk out after seeing her."

"Then, we only need Coco's presence. Not Coco herself..."

What did he mean by that? "Go on..."

"Instead it being MY fashion business, it can be Coco's… I'd just be an innocent high end employee to bring Suri in due to her "potential"... Do you see where I'm going with this?"

You think you did. "So, uhh… we're gonna hide the fact she's "working" for Coco. So when she finds out she'd have no reason to say no? Since she'd already be her employee?"

Discord nods as the chart reworks itself to the new plan "That's right! Good on you Anon, I knew you could figure it out!"

Ha, that was actually a pretty good plan… but.. "You realize the reason why this will probably work is because it reeks of deception… right?"

Discord rubs his chin as if he didn't actually know that "It does? Well now, that doesn't sound like doing it how the Princess of Friendship herself would do it now does it? Perhaps we should figure out another way to do this."

"Oh come on, that's not what I meant. I'm just saying that the reason your plan is so good is because it's your specialty. And it's actually not even that bad. I'm not Twilight, I'm not going to tell you it's wrong. I say we do it… but you're kind of have to use a different name if we're gonna do this. Discord might be a tad too obvious."

Discord smiled at your approval and then begins to think of a name, one he thinks up quite quickly "Why think of one when I can just take one from another dimensional version of me?"

"What? What do you mean by that?"

"I mean this!" Discord hops backwards as a flash of light fills the room, He is now in a red hat with a white feather. With a Red cape and coat. A golden "Q" hangs off the his white undershirt.

"Call me… Magnificent Q"

Right… Star Trek… Makes sense now.

You have to smirk at him though, that's very narcissistic regardless. "I think I need a knife, the smug is so thick that I can't see my hoof in front of my own face"

Discord gives you a dismissive expression before making the chart disappear "I didn't see you coming up with any names Anon, besides, in this form. She'll never figure it out. Now then..." Discord points his hoof at you, causing you to have a similar suit to his, but without the hat, and a silver A on your undershirt. "Hmmm, not bad not bad… Now then, I'll just have to find a spot in this city to set up shop. As for you Anon, my assistant. I expect you to use that silver tongue of yours to convince our "Boss" to join in on our plan."

"What? You're not going to help me with this?"

"Anon, you start school tomorrow. We only have one day to accomplish this. I need time to set up the actual trap… er, scene for Miss Suri's redemption… hmm, that seems to be a big thing these days, redemptions… Anyway, I'll have Suri in the studio very soon. You just need to convince Coco to be our owners. It shouldn't be too hard, ponies like her are quite gullible."

No argument there. Gullibility is pretty rampant in Equestria. And Coco was a nice pony. Still... You were just a colt. You were going to have to have some sort of proof that you worked for a business.

"In that case, give me a business card"

Discord complies, and he poofs up a card for you. "Insurance?"

You nod. "Insurance… just in case she doesn't believe me."

Discord opens two portals, one that opened up to a seemingly random spot. and another that went to well… a much nicer apartment, Coco's. "Now then, let's try to get this all done in a timely manner hmmm? I don't want to spend all day trying to solve a singular friendship problem" Discord said, as he pulled out a business envelope and plopped it on Suri's bed as the folder he generated poofs away with it's contents.

"Got it...." You put your hoof out in front of Discord. Discord just looks at it… confused.

"Yes… that is indeed your hoof… Anon?"

Oh come on… "No, put your hoof on mine"

Discord narrowed his right eye at you, feeling a little weirded out "Anon, I know I'm magnificent in any form, but this is a little too much don't you think? I like being single"

WHAT?! "Dammit! I am just trying to do one of those "Let's do it!" things that teams and partners do! I don't want to fuck you or anything!"

"Really?" Discord pulls up a mirror and looks at himself "I'd hate to use a derogatory term… but I'd "Fuck" me… and I do indeed have ways of doing that"

Ewww… gross… You grimace at Discord's words. "I… I didn't need to know that..."

You slowly put your hoof down as you walk towards your portal. "Ok, umm, so, getting past that. How do I find you after I talk with Coco?"

"Just follow the card Anon, it's that simple"

"Oh, It opens a portal?"

Discord looks unamusingly at you as he points to the words on the card. "No Anon… It has an address. If you can't find it, Coco certainly can. Really? using a portal, how ridiculous. We have to bring her to the studio like any other pony would get there, either by carriage or by walking."

Well shit. You became so used to Discord solving most of your problems with magic that you just sort of became used to it. "Ok ok… sheesh. You don't gotta be rude about it."

Discord smiles at you "It's good isn't it? It's just like any other fashion snob… I'm just trying to fit the part Anon, I'm not actually annoyed or anything."

Yeah. "Just don't overdo it. We don't want to scare Suri away."

"Oh trust me Anon, these fashionista ponies crave a little abuse, it drives them to try harder. She'll be so distracted that she'll never actually have a chance to leave."

You didn't know if that was true. You never dealt with fashion, and you doubted he did either. But… he was "The Magnificent Q". You just had to trust him. "Whatever you say Q, good luck. I'll seeya soon."

You walk into the portal.

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