• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 234

Author's Note:

Tonight!

Anon gets in a fight.
The captain says some words.
And they hear a buzzing sound.

You automatically knew who it was. You should have realized from the get go it was him. Chrysalis had no reason to be outside your window. You felt safe, what was he really going to do to you? Discord was nearby. And even then, you might be able to beat him on your own. He's a changeling drone...you might be able to beat him,especially since he's been deprived of a food source. But that tongue...did changelings have long tongues?

"....Ehh. You're the ex-captain right? You're not scary in the least. Y'know that? So ummmm, you can pretend to be Chrysalis. So what? You probably haven't eaten in forever. If you think I'm going to let you have your way just because you're bigger than me then you are wrong. I mean, when's the last time you've eaten? I can kick your ass all over this island. So why don't you just lay off...hmm?" Nah, he had to be skin and bones at this fucking point.

"Not afraid? Don't you realize how dire your situation is? Well, I'm not going to destroy you...that honor goes to the runt and my dear queen. I have something SPECIAL in mind for you" The false Chrysalis cackles..almost..in a mad sense.

"...Ohhhh?" You wave your hooves mockingly at him. "What am I going to be, bait?"

She shakes her head. "I don't need you to be bait. I'm going to show you EVOLUTION! The same kind of evolution that will soon come upon the entire hive."

Evolution?....oh god, did he go insane? "Yeaaahhh, I'm just going to take my horn and..EEP!"

The false Chrysalis's horn glows yellow and shoots a bolt of magic right in front of you, making you stop.

"The hell?" You look up at the fake queen. She just smiles insanely at you, baring teeth as they begin to warp. her entire body begins to warp....what? "What in the..."

You start walking backwards as "Chrysalis" changes form into the ex-captain....but...he wasn't a changeling anymore. There stood something only resembling a changeling. It's eyes were yellow instead of bright blue. But only the right eye. The left was actually a patch of pony fur, with a regular pony eye with a yellow pupil.

On his back was spikes tendrils that waved about as if it was grass in the wind, all lined up evenly from the top of his back down to his...shark tail? His body also had more patches of mismatched pony fur, it almost seemed like those parts were of actual pony, and may be as soft and tender as one. And his horn was much sharper looking from before. Sharp and pointy. And his teeth were all sharp and monstrous, like an eldritch horror.

"..Holy..." You were amazed in the worst sense. "...What...the fuck happened to you?"

He let out a quick insane cackle or two in between his speech. "Oh nothing really, in my search for a way out I may have run into a few portals that changed me...for the better of course. I have surpassed everything that has ever been a nuisance in my original form. And with my future army, we will take over all of Equestria! I don't even need to feed on love anymore, I feed on chaos now. And look around us...what do you see?"

.......Shit. "C-chaos?"

You start to back up, but the moment you do, the ex-captain jumps towards you, quick as lightning, and pins you down. "DING DING DING! You win Anon, HAHA! And your prize will be wonderful when I make you into something nopony can love! HAHAHA! What do you think?...How great does evolution look like? Tell me! TELL ME!" He says crazily, his eyes full of insanity.

Oh shit, now you were scared, you couldn't answer.

Then he made you yelp in pain when he pressed harder on you.

"TELL MEEEE!" He screeched, as loud as a damn angry banshee

Christ..this guy was fucking nuts. And..you could feel the sand of the island under your hooves....hmnnn. You had to relax, you had to think. This was your only chance. "Mngh...You really wanna know?"

Suddenly, he calmed down and looked at you with a gentle smile. "Well duh, I did ask"

"Well....if you really wanna know" You beckoned him to bring his face closer. "Just come a little closer..." ..Was he crazy enough to fall for this?

He leans his face closer as he keeps you still with his hoof. "...ok...and?"

"...Ok..so..I think....POCKET SAND!" You quickly scoop up sand onto your hoof and throw it right into his pony eye, making him scream in pain and step backwards, and off of you.

"You accursed brat! What in the hay was that for?! Who even does that!?" He says as he literally and crazily presses his right hoof in his eye to get the sand out. It almost looked like he would explode his own eye if he pressed any deeper.

Fuck answering this guy. You quickly get up and make a mad dash for the horn. You jump at it, reaching your hoof out.. But the moment you're about to touch it, a magic yellow ball flies up from right under you and hits the horn. making it fly further as you fall face first into the sand. "GYARGHHH...always the head or face....fucking.."

"That wasn't very nice Anon, didn't that pathetic yellow idiot teach you any manners?!" The ex-captain snickered. "Or do you just want me to destroy you right...HEY!" You were already dragging yourself over to the horn, not paying attention.

"LISTEN TO ME WHEN I'M SPEAKING!" He shoots another shot from his horn. It misses you, but the blast throws you right into the air where gravity loses you.

You start to float away.

"Oh shit, oh shit!" You try swimming in mid air..and..it surprisingly works....who knew?

You try swimming back towards the island for the horn. But the Ex-Captain flies towards the horn first. oddly enough, he's not even trying to put it on. Instead...oh no....

You try to flip directions, but you are too late as his launches his long tongue towards you and wraps it around your torso. "GOINMG BOWNMB" He blabbered as he swung his head down, making you drop like you were the end of a flail.

Oh shit! OH SHIT! THIS WAS GONNA HURT! ...Wait..was it? The gravity was wonky here...maybe if you..

As you began to come down, you grab the tongue with your hooves....w-will this even work? You didn't have a moment to think about it..JUST DO! You grunted as you pulled at the tongue.

"Huh..whant's mgomng mon?" The Ex-captain blubbed as he started to lift off the ground.

Oh yeah baby, it was working...somehow!

"Hey asshole! Hope you like your face in the dirt!" You spin around, and counterbalance yourself with the gravity as the Ex-captain swings around, over, and slams back down onto the island.

"AGGGGGGH!" The ex-captain screams as he is flipped about "THIS ISM IMPOMMBLE!" is the last thing he gets out before touchdown.

"Yeah! HAHAHA!" You laugh in triumph. "Heh...hey, this fighting thing isn't so hard. Guy is a fucking picasso come to life and I'm kicking his ass left and...wait.." You noticed you were floating far away from the island. "Shit! Now's not the time to get smug Anon, swim..SWIM!"

You try dog paddling back down, but it seems you were caught by another gravity well. And it was pulling you away from the island.

"Shit! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" You flipped around to see what was pulling you...it was another island filled with jungle trees, and a waterfall that flowed....upwards..from what seemed to be an eternal pit

And you were heading straight for that waterfall. "SHIT! SHIT! SHWFAADFDS" You get caught in it's flow and start floating upwards onto the island, you were unable to swim against it's strong curent.

You then found yourself washed ashore in a light jungle.

"E-eghh..I-I almost drowned there...ngh...wait..the horn! Shit!" You shook yourself dry and started rushing forward, only to trip and fall on your face, then bounce off your face and fall on your back before sliding into a tree. the base of the tree hitting right between your legs. "NGH!..MNGH...DAMMITAGH!" The ground..was very bouncy...your balls however..were not.

"......Fucking SHIIIITT!" You whined. "This whole dimension is fucking retarded! Fuck this entire thing! Ngh! Augh..." You slowly get up and wobble forward. "....I guess I can forget about kids...mngh...where am I now?...huh.."

You look up only to see the warped dark sky, and looking forward there was a few open paths for you to take. The gravity here was a little tougher than the island from before...but it was bouncy enough to compensate. "..I gotta get to the horn before that asshole shows up."

You start wobbling forward, still feeling pain in your balls as you looked for the edge of the island. Surely the gravity would cut off at the edge..right? It was worth a shot as it seemed anything goes in this fucked up, mixed up dimension.

Suddenly, you hear multiple blasts coming from behind you as mad laughter fills the air. Your eyes widen as you hear the eruptious ramblings of the Ex-caption "Annooooonnn! OHHH ANNOONNN!!! WHERE AREEE YOU! COME OUT YOU LITTLE MAGGOT, UNLESS YOU WANT TO BECOME BURNT TOAST! HAHAHAHAHAHA! AN EYE FOR AN EYE! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"..Fucking...this guy is off his damn rocker.." You rush forward, the faster you get to the edge. The better. Maybe he won't notice you slip through. You could hear his insane cackling as you run for dear life. Explosions going on behind you. You dunno how his transformation made him that powerful. but if chaos consumption equals power. Then this guy must be pretty high tier. It's just he's gone crazy and doesn't seem to plan out his moves anymore, that was the only thing keeping you alive.

Eventually, you managed to reach the edge of the island by running straight through "Yeah! I knew I'd reach it eventually! Stupid fuck doesn't even know where I am. I got this!".

But as you went to jump. You crash into something..or someone. As you hear a yelp. You fall backwards and look up, something was on top of you… And that something...was the runt of a captain."Nbh...Captain?..W-what are you doing here?"

The Captain smiled at you, and gave you a gentle nuzzle. "I came to help you. As soon as I saw your window open, I knew bad stuff was going down. Then I saw all the explosions and I figured you were up here. Pretty smart huh?"

.....Wut? "What were you doing in my room?"

"Oh...y'know....stuff..." He gave you a sheepish smile.

"...Were you going to try to destroy me in my sleep?" You look at him with an annoyed stoicism.

His sheepish smile became even more embarrassed. "Sorta...I was gonna ask first. So uhh" He tries to change the subject. "What's happening up here?"

You gently brush him off. And look over the edge of the island. "Ok, look. The ex-captain has become some kind of freak. I think he wants Chrysalis dead and wants to use the hive for his ow-"

"He wants to destroy the queen?!" The captain suddenly became battle ready. "This will not stand!"

"Yeah, I know. But he's gone nuts. He's blowing the place apart. We gotta get back to that o-...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

You turn around to see the captain hovering upwards. "HEY, EX MORON! HOW DARE YOU WANT TO DESTROY THE QUEEN! I WILL NEVER ALLOW THAT! AS CAPTAIN! I WILL DESTROY YOU AND PROTECT THE HONOR OF THE QU-"

You dive into him and put your hoof over his mouth. "Dammit! Don't be an idiot! I'm trying to run from him not..."

"Well, Well, Well!" The Ex-captain spots you both and begins to descend to the ground, cackling, his teeth all on show and his pupils shrunk small enough that it made crazy ponk look normal. "Weeeelllyyy Well well. If it isn't my successor! HAHAHAHA. Perfect! I was meaning to destroy you. Oh and Anon, don't worry. I decided to destroy you too. You've proven too annoying and really....I'm still mad about the whole chair thing. I hope you understand. Nothing personal"

Shiiiiiiittt...

The Captain throws you off and looks upon the Ex-captain with full on stupid bravery. "Ha! You think you can destroy me? That's super dumb of you. I'm the captain for a reason Ex-captain. Oh, you have no idea how good it's going to be to destroy you. I won't even bring your remains to the queen. You're too ugly for that now." He started to stomp his hooves "Now you're gonna see why you're the ex...wha?"

The ex-captain said nothing as he began to...sink into the ground like it was water.

".....Is he a ghost?...Oh" the Captain chuckles "I guess I scared him so bad that he became a ghost." He giggles happily then turns around to look at you "Boo!"

You just stare at him. Trying to also figure out what the fuck happened.

"....Awwww, you didn't turn into a ghost too. That stinks" The Captain frowns. Seems he thought he could destroy you by saying "Boo!"....that idiot.

Sinking into the ground though? He's no ghost. You had to think, what could it mean? He was smiling as he sunk in...wait...chaos morphed him..right?...That shark tail...oh shit! "GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

You jump forward and push the captain aside as the ex-captain jumps out from the ground like a shark and easily dives back into the ground like it's nothing.

"Hey! What was th-OW!" The Captain cries as he hits the ground from your shove.

You immediately kick the Captain away after landing and push yourself back as the ex-captain rises up again.. The ground began to shake and detach from the rest of the island as you and the captain found yourself on the separated pieces as they began to drift away.

The Captain slowly got up and then immediately began to yell at you. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! CAN'T YOU SEE I WAS CELEBRATING?!"

"Moron...LOOK! SHEESH! Now’s not the time to be fucking dumb!" You point towards the main island, pointing to the Ex-captain. who seemed to have gotten his head stuck in a tree from his last jump. "He's not a ghost, he's got some kind of chaos ability. Listen, we gotta get down to that sandy island below us. You need to fly me there. Captain, can you do it?"

The Captain looked to the Ex-captain and started to flitter his wings. "I can..but I think I can beat that wimpy old ex-captain too. Let me just have one shot at him"

"No, LOOK! Now's not the time to be stupid. I can end this right here if you fly me down. Right now! Come on!" DAMMIT! JUST FUCKING DO IT YOU CLOD!

"No can do Anon, I'm going to get that glory..it's important to me. Just you see, I'm gonna bring him down. And not only bring my queen honor, but also show you that I am your friend by saving you. You stay here, ok?" The Captain looked at you with friendly eyes...holy shit, this fucking moron.

"Will you stop! He's just going to blow you up if you rush him. Don't be stup...DON'T! STOP!" He was going to do it anyway

The Captain saluted, and went back flying towards the Ex-captain, who was just about to get loose.

That moron! he was going to get himself killed.... Or maybe...he'd be a good distraction. You look down at the island. You could easily jump down to it, look for the horn, grab it, and then blow the fucker away with some banishing spell or just change him into a..well..a chair.

But..as you thought that. you started to feel some guilt. The moron mentioned he was your friend...sorta. And you'd have to tell the CMC that you let the Captain get blown to smithereens.

......ugh...fucking..dammit. Maybe you could snatch him up and go for the horn...

You jump towards the Captain's direction. He was already getting ready to rush the Ex-captain as he cackled at him. You had to be quick. because you could see his horn glowing. He was going to blast the Captain to bits!

"HYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHH!" You fly right into the Captain and grab him, pulling him away from a magical blast as you both tumble forward a little before stopping.

"H-Hey! What was that for!? Didn't I tell you I had it handled?!" The Captain barks at you

You hop off of him, and look back. The Ex-captain was charging another shot. "You almost became fish paste you fucking moron. Now move!"

You then turn around and point your head at the Ex-captain, time for a gambit. "Take my horn you fuck! CHAIR TIME!"

"WHAT?! NOT THE CHAIR!" The Ex-captain stops his magic as he raises his hooves to block...well...nothing. You just tricked him.

"Anon..wh-hey!" The Captain whined

You start shoving him forward. "Shut up and go before he realizes what's up! ok! go! GO!"

But the Captain pushed back "I'm not leaving until I've turned him into dust!...or worse! Smaller dust!"

"STOP BEING AN IDIOT!"

"STOP HOLDING ME BACK! I'M DOING THIS FOR YOU AND THE QUEEN!"

"YOU WON'T BE DOING ANYTHING FOR ANYONE IF YOU END UP DEAD!"

"THEN I WON'T DIE! NOW MOVE!"

You both started pushing at each other. And while you were sure you'd have the strength to shove him. He wasn't moving...in fact, you weren't moving. None of you could move your hooves.

"H-hey!? What gives?" The Captain says, trying to move his legs, but unable to.

You look down. And could see that your legs were linked to the ground by magical yellow chains. Yep, the Ex-captain became pretty talented during his time in crazy land.....you both were going to die.

"Son of a bitch! Fucking dammit!" You struggled as hard as you could to get free. But it was to no avail.

"See what you did?! Now we're gonna have trouble fighting him!" The Captain growled as he struggled to get free

"......ugh....Dammit! Don't you get it!? We're fucked! I don't have any more moves. So unless you have some super magical blast like he does. Then we're dead!"

As the Ex-captain began to hover downwards to land, The Captain heeded your words, and pointed his horn as it started to glow green. He charged it as much as he could......but the blast he generated was small...and also missed.

The Ex-captain just looks at it as it whizzes by and asks, unimpressed. "What was that?"

You sigh. "I think that was his life saving battle clencher...."

The Captain started to realize the situation, and stuttered in growing fear. "..I-it was worth a s-shot..."

"Yes...well...you know what else is worth a shot? Obliterating the both of you in just one shot. Letttssss see if I can manage that. It'll be fun!" The Ex-Captain said with an excited grin

Oh...no...you both were fucking doomed. Unless one of you could think of something. It'd be over. ...What good would stalling him even do? You couldn't get out. He couldn't get out. It was hopeless.

"You can't just blow us up! You may be a freak, but you're still a changeling. Don't you realize this is a dishonor to the queen?!" The Captain yelled out, appalled at the ex-captain "You were supposed to assist her in leading us to victory!"

The Ex-captain stops charging his blast as he looks at the Captain as if he was a delusional fool. "Are you an idiot? The queen is a failure, she only even made you captain just to spite me! You're not fit to lead anything. You're a runt, you'll always be a runt, and even the dust you will become will be fun sized"

"Coward, why don't you fight like a changeling! The Captain stood strong as he said this. Acting the brave hero.

" Oh god...this just made waiting for doom much more unbearable." You lower yourself to the ground in lost hope.

"And since when did we have honor to begin with? The queen certainly doesn't" The Ex-Captain replies

"The queen is always the first into battle! How dare you say she has no honor! She's the bravest and most powerful changeling of them all! You should be kissing the ground she walks on!" The Captain says

The Ex-captain rolls his eyes. "you are truly as idiotic as the ponies we trick. I'm so glad that once I make my army that NONE of them will be as idiotic as you are. Welp, it's getting late and I do have a queen to destroy and a hive to take over. Any last words?"

The both of you just look at the Ex-captain with disgust...in truth however. You were terrified. This was it...goodbye Fluttershy...goodbye CMC...goodbye Diamond...goodbye...Discord. You couldn't hold back the tears, you started to shake, oh god..why?...why didn't you just jump for the horn instead?

The Ex-captain took notice of your crying and snickered. "Awwwwwww, poor Anon. He's about to blow up and it's all hitting him right now. Ohhh, I know...Captain...how big do you consider Anon a friend?" The Ex-captain looks to the naive runt with a sinister grin.

"..He's my best friend...and my biggest target...why?" The Captain growls at him as he speaks.

"Oh.....nothing much. I think I'll just blow you up first and take in all the hatred and chaos going on in Anon's heart. Then I'll blow him up. It'll be fun!" The Ex-captain cackled as he walked up to the Captain and started slapping him around

This feeling within you. You may have hated the little guy but...he was just like a naive child. He didn't deserve this, he was at least trying. You could only watch as he gets beaten to a pulp "YOU FUCK! YOU SHIT! LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

"I don't think I will" The Ex-captain slaps him again as the Captain holds in his yelp, trying to stay brave. "Say goodbye to him Anon....alas...poor Captain..he never regained the queen's honor!"

You just scream at him to stop, but he didn't...He wouldn't.

and his horn started to glow. The Captain still said nothing, unwilling to admit defeat. But as he slowly looked at you, lying on the ground from the Ex-captain's pounding. You could tell, that internally, that he was full of regret. Regret in failing his queen. Regret for you. And then...he spoke..."Anon!...c-can you tell Applebloom and the others.......to......to...." He broke into tears, the poor guy.

"Dammit! At least let him have his last request!" You cry out to the Ex-captain. hoping for some kind of mercy.

And surprisingly...he stops..and rolls his eyes "Fineeeee...but only because it increases the suffering. Go ahead shrimp, tell him your last words.."

The Captain hesitates again, then whimpers "..Anon...just tell them....to destroy you..for me..ok?"

...........that somehow still made you sorry for the fucker. "......Ok… I will." ...Did he not realize you were going to die too anyway?

"Alright then, back to the blowing up! HAHAHA" The Ex-captain cackles as he revs up his magic again. Well he was...

Until you heard buzzling. Odd flitters and buzzing coming from all around. You also hear low mumbling, and voices.....recognizable voices. "You know...My Ex-captain, it's sad to see how far you fallen. You hesitated for so long that you didn't realize the possibility of me happening into Anon's room and noticing the window open. And..ohhh...it seems your time out here has not been kind to you. Honestly, even the chair look would be an improvement"

Oh...holy shit...you look up and around..and the entire fucking hive was out here...or most of them. Being led by Queen Chrysalis herself.

The Ex-captain smile widened to creepy levels, his hate and anger was now completely fixated on the queen. So focused that the chains on both yours and the Captain's legs disappeared. "Well, Lookkkiiieee here. It's the Queeeeen. Well Queenie Weenie, let me tell you something. I've waited awhile for this revenge. And looking at you here. I can already tell I'm gonna get it. I mean look, I can destroy you, the Captain, and Anon..and then take my army all before breakfast. HAHAHA...look at you, come here to save the day. Anon has gotten to you already...huh? You've truly gone soft"

Chrysalis just smirks as she lands a small distance away and looks right into the Ex-captain's eyes. "Soft...no. But It is my duty to save my Captain and my friend when they stupidly run into trouble. I'm not afraid to admit that either, you know where my priorities lie."

"I do...But it also makes me glad to know that you're going to try to fight me alone. To prove that you are still the strongest. It's what happens when one goes for the crown. Right?" The Ex-Captain looked ready for a bloodbath as he said this.

"Right" Chrysalis just smugly smiles at him. "But...I say we fight in the air. I've been meaning to stretch these legs out in every direction anyway. That's fine with you...right?"

The Ex-captain cackles darkly. "Of course my queen, of course. It doesn't matter anyway. My power is absolute."

Chrysalis rolls her eyes. "So says everypony else who thinks a small "upgrade" is a big thing" Chrysalis then looks up to her fellow changelings. "You..and you...pick up Anon and the Captain and take yourselves away into the distance. I need plenty of room for this fight."

The Captain just looked up at Chrysalis with a frown "My queen...I've failed you again."

"We'll talk about it later Captain. For now, just enjoy the show...you too Anon, you'll love it" She winks at you as the changelings come down to pick you up.

"Chrysalis...you have to be careful, you-" You knew she couldn't win this. This guy was a powerhouse.

"Hush Anon.....I don't need you spouting useless strategy at me. Now...Ex-captain...shall we?" Chrysalis was confident...too confident. She was gonna lose for sure.

"We shall...hehehe" He snickers as both him and Chrysalis fly into the air.

.....Something was odd. As the changelings picked you up and started to pull you away. You noticed something different about Chrysalis. Not in attitude....but in her appearance. It was her, it had to be her. But there was some sort of slight change. You don't know if it's just you, or the situation you were in. But you could have sworn there was something off with her head...in some way.

You could see them in the distance. Getting ready to fight. Chrysalis pulling back away from the Ex-captain....a suspicious amount of pulling back in fact.

Then..they started talking, but you could barely hear them. You looked to the changelings around you and asked a question. "Hey...Hey....do you guys know what they are saying?"

"Oh! I do!" One of the changelings chime in "I've had to do a few infiltration missions in the past that required lip reading! You wanna know what they are saying..right?"

"Errr....yeah" Well, that was very forthcoming. "you're..just going to tell me?"

The changeling nods "You're still the queen's friend. therefore,...uhh.....I guess we just do what you ask..I think. Anyway, The queen is mocking the Ex-captain with "Do you really want to do this? I'm feeling merciful today, you can just leave and crawl back into whatever hole that changed you". "But he's like "FOOOL! I've become truly the most powerful ex-changeling in the land. So much so that you have no attack that could even harm me...in fact, I'll let you have one try before I turn you to sludge!...Go for it...my queen" And now the queen is laughing a little bit, she's now saying..ermmm...this one is kinda tough to make out..but I think she's saying "Have fun in shell?"...dell?...mell?...I dunno, I think she used one of those fancy human words...and now she's shot out some silver thingy that has a red glowing nose and...the captain ears are drooping and..WOAAAAHHH!"

"WOOAAHH!"Holy shit!

WOAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

A gigantic yet miniature mushroom cloud spreads out from where the Ex-captain once hovered at. Chrysalis's cackling echoing loudly across the vast empty space. The explosion was extremely bright and potent. You all had to cover your eyes as a powerful wind swept away a few of the weaker changelings a few yards off.

And,as the explosion clears, there was nothing...Not even dust.

....How...no wait....

.....There was only one way she was able to do that...

She had the horn. Oh.....did things just get worse?..Oh...good god....at least..the explosion was cool...right?

.......Oggghhh.

Chrysalis didn't even bother flying over to the group once it was all over. She just...flew towards the house. The rest of the changelings flying behind. Following her. ....But hey...you were saved..right? Ex-captain is dealt with..right? Sorta dark that she just...turned him to dust but.

HOLY SHIT NIGGA, SHE HAS THE HORN!

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