• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 279

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Chrysalis drives a car.
Anon thinks a bunch.
And Scootaloo talks.

It didn't take much to return to the house. A puddle and a map toss and you were there. But dammit, whenever it came to Chrysalis, Luna and Celestia just became super serious and unfun. And you feel even with that, you got lucky. If you had done something actually bad, or did not have your hero status, they may have just outright demanded Chrysalis's head.

You head downstairs, down your gravity stairs and through the trap door into the basement. How do you ask her? What do you say? Surely Celestia realized that gaining Chrysalis's suspicion would be preeeetttyyy bad. Especially if she was suspicious of you. It would mean she wouldn't trust you. And then lie to you. And if you sent a lie to Celestia. And she found out....ooohhhhh

And then there was the runt...that fuck. He couldn't even fucking spy without getting caught. What a nuisance.

When you got downstairs however. You noticed a large change in the caves. There were roads now, created from what it seemed like grinded down floor. There were new pathways and tunnels made in the walls. all connected to a circular track that was around Chrysalis's makeshift stone throne.

Many of the changelings seemed tired. Others were just gazing at you from the walls and ceiling. And in the distance....the sound of a motor.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY! HAHAHHAHA!" You hear the mad laughter of Chrysalis and the roar of an engine as she drives her ferrari right past you and makes a quick drift, making the car slide and stop at its side.

The passenger door opens as a few changelings, green from sickness, pour out and start puking green gunk. Christ. And then there was you, the car slid past you mere inches from your face, it made your coat and mane stand on end.

And Chrysalis? She opened her door, stepped out, closed it, and rubbed her hoof slowly along the side of the door, practically idolizing the car. "Perfect...." She then smirks. "As perfect as I am. I knew I could master this thing" She lets out one more chuckle before turning around to see you.

Welp, you could already see she was back to her normal self. No bandages, wings healed. And she may have gotten insane from having a car. Did she have her own children make the basement into a damn mario kart track?

"Anon, how good to have you. What do you think of my improved lair? Wonderful, isn't it?" Chrysalis was really digging it seemed. She hovered upwards and then flew to her throne to sit and rest. You followed her the short distance as she stretched herself across the seat and hung her head across the side, looking up as her mane drooped on the floor, a huge smile on her face. "Ahhh, it feels good..." She raises her right hoof and curves it slightly, like a gripping motion. "To be fully rejuvenated. I feel alive!"

Ok...at least she was in a good mood. Just act casual. "Heya Chrysalis. Looks like you're feeling better"

"Ohhh Anon, I'm more than better. The love I fed on last night was enough to fully heal during Discord's little 'lockdown'." Chrysalis stretched and slowly span so she was upright on her throne. She adjusted herself to sit normally as she slowly moved her hoof from right to left to show off her "improved" lair. "And look at this! Isn't it wonderful? An entire super sized track smoothed and dug through by my own children while I was away. Isn't it magnificent? I can go as fast as I like and practice any kind of turn without worrying about hitting any stalagmites or walls."

....Was it a mistake to give her this car? Christ, she really would run down any pony if she had the chance. "It's really nice. But, did you really have your own children dig this all out? It seems like a lot of work."

"Ohhh not me Anon." Chrysalis looks down at you with a proud and near giddy look "This is the work of the captain. I admit, I almost thought it'd be a mistake to promote him just to spite the deceased captain. But he works so hard to bring me honor and happiness. He had this all made without me knowing. Apparently he learned about racing tracks from being told about an annual school derby from those wretched little friends of yours." She starts laughing maniacally. "Can you imagine it?! Racing without engines in little wooden cars?! LAUGHABLE! I would disguise myself as a little filly and show up with my speed machine and destroy the competition just to make them all cry." Her laughter becomes slower and more vicious. "Delicious. Speaking of the captain, I wonder what lies he's telling them now? Ohhh..." Chrysalis stopped and looked over to you, she had almost forgotten you were sitting right in front of her. "Anon, I almost forgot you were sitting there. Tell me, how fooled does that captain have those little nitwits? You can tell me, I know you don't like them too much anymore."

...Dammit. It's not like you hated them. They were just....really annoying sometimes. As for lying...hehe...he wasn't doing none of that. "Oh uhh, I really wouldn't know. I just tend to avoid that whole situation."

Chrysalis grumps and tilts to the side as she rests her head on her hoof. "Typical Anon, doesn't pay attention to the finer details. But I guess that's why you didn't notice my dear captain doing his spy work in the Crystal Empire. And don't tell me you did. I know you didn't."

Welp, that makes it easy to open up the topic. She was in a pretty good mood, enough to just talk changeling politics without worrying about what you're up to. "Oh..umm. Damn, didn't know he w-wait?" Time to act it up. Since you already knew he was there. "THE CAPTAIN WAS IN THE EMPIRE?! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE DOING IN THE EMPIRE?!...OH GOD...CHRYSALIS....y-you wouldn't"

"I would...." Chrysalis found your reaction enjoyable. But the fact that you came to a conclusion so quickly, a conclusion she could guess before you could actually say it, bums her out. "If I had the means to snatch that little slug and make the long and very unsafe trek to my kingdom while at least having HALF my hive as a defense....But" Chrysalis gives you a slick and seductive smile as she uses her magic to slowly drag you over. close enough that she can seductively drag her hoof under your chin while speaking in a sultry voice. "If you were to help me with your horn. I may be able to do something about your 'other' horn. As much as I know you have a thing for that little filly, and even with as much as I helped, I know you want something a little more sooner than later. Imagine it Anon...me...you...in a bed." She chuckles "I'm sure you can think of the rest"

Ohhhhhh...OHhhh.....t-tempting. So very tempting. K-keep your composure...f-for DT. "I...u-umm..erm....." You gulp and take a step back. your face beat red. "I-I'm surprised you didn't try t-taking it in my sleep."

Chrysalis sighs and goes back to laying on her side, aggravated. "I tried last night, but it seems Discord may have actually used his brain for once and made it impossible for anypony but you to take the thing off. I guess he learned something from our encounter with that ingrate of an ex-captain."

You couldn't give in to her. If anything, having Celestia and Luna on the mind made this situation from sexy to scary as fuck. "Sorry Chrysalis, I can't allow it. No matter how much my body wants it."

"Of course you can't" Chrysalis rolls her eyes. "You haven't realized the joys of having your ambitions realized and the realization that you could have anypony you want by sheer force. This still eludes you."

"I guess...but I guess that also means you have no plans then? None at all?"

"....Ugh...Yes, I have no plans. There's nothing I can do without some way to properly defend myself. You know, you could have just checked on my health and then left. I don't need to hear your nonsense about fearing what I might have planned." Chrysalis sighed disappointingly. "Really Anon, why can't you be like the captain? Dutiful, loyal, and dedicated. Our talks would be so much better then."

"Well, sorry Chrysalis. I mean, we could talk about other things if you want. It's just that this is kind of important. I don't want to rule Equestria. Y'know?"

"Not yet you don't...but at some point, you will..but fine. You want to talk about something else? Well then....let's see" Chrysalis sat upright again as she began to think of a subject. "Well, actually. Speaking of the captain. Have you noticed him acting a little off? I am impressed that he's so dedicated to his job and his post. But sometimes I think he's getting too close to those three foals. What's your take on it, Anon?"

...Shit! Time to bullshit. "As I said, I tend to stay away from that. But look how dedicated he is overall. Didn't he have this entire place remodeled just for you? I think he takes his job and position too seriously."

Chrysalis finds it adorable and amusing however. "You can NEVER be too dedicated when it comes to me, Anon. And, I think you're right. He knows how to handle himself, and he always mentions at least once that he wants to avenge my honor by destroying you, even after all this time. Who knows? He may have been serious about dropping an entire space cruiser onto Canterlot. Or he always was, and doesn't realize he'd go down with it. Amazing dedication, isn't it?"

Oh yeah, suicide to take out an entire kingdom? Top notch shit....oy. "Yeah, it's as dedicated as anypony could ever get." You chuckle sheepishly. "Still, I have to admit. Getting all this done in a night. He must have whipped everypony into shape for it. And uhh..."

Actually, this was really impressive. In one night he made a basic race track and a whole bunch of interconnecting roads outside of it. All for Chrysalis. He really did want to make those he cared about happy. Sure he had the other changelings actually make it. But no doubt he was there, every step of the way. If it was one thing you could say about "Scrappy". He was true to his word, and honest about what he does, even if he's honest about lying. It made you think, that at least in a way, you didn't need to worry about him hanging with the CMC. They'd be alright. Now if only you could get him to not want to kill you. And to also stop being so goddamn stupid. "Well, I guess this means he really cares about you."

"Indeed, you're right. But when you're as great as I am. It's hard not to care. Hmmmm...This may sound odd to you, and I don't wish for you to repeat it to him. But I'm very proud of him, I almost felt this gift was too good for me. But then I remembered It's me." Chrysalis chuckled to herself, but then she lets out a relaxed sigh "I feel like if I needed to execute any kind of plan. He'd be able to keep up with it just due to force of will. Despite his pathetic strength and body, he's never failed me nor asked questions since he's become captain. It's admirable."

Wow, you...never thought she had that kind of respect for anyone. Especially the runt. "So you actually respect him? Despite him being just an offhoof pick to piss off the ex-captain?"

"How can I not? If I told him to take down the princesses by himself, he'd be idiotic enough to try without a second thought. All my other children would question that order and shake in fear. But him? He'd just ask if I mean all the princesses. Simply because he'd want to take ALL of them down at once like an insane idiot. It's adorable." Chrysalis then shifts her eyes towards you. "It's a shame you don't like him. I think you and him would make great partners."

Great partners? What did she mean by that? Well no, you knew. "You mean partners in crime?"

Chrysalis nods. "Of course. You're smart, you can outwit ponies, you have a knowledge most could only hope to acquire. Mix that with his cunning and dedication and I think you both could pull a mission off despite all the restrictions we have."

Welp, at least she was speaking positively of you now. But you had no interest in taking over the world or executing plans. "Only if I'd be willing to pull one off. Which I'm not. But..hey...thanks for the compliment. It actually feels nice hearing it from you. You usually just make fun of me."

"I'll give credit where credit is due. You're still a moron for not joining my side. But that will change..." In Chrysalis's mind. She felt it really could. Just like a cataclysmic event could change her, perhaps....an event as soul crushing as that happening to you could make you join her. But that would be for another time.

Chrysalis stretches, and hops off her throne as she steps towards her Ferrari. "But for now, I think I'm going to practice picking up enough speed to ride along walls. And unless you have your own news about the going ons of Equestria, then I'll be off immediately"

You shrug. "I doubt you'll want to hear how my day went."

"True, I don't...except for one thing. Would you mind explaining how a snow cannon ended up literally backfiring into your rear? I'm genuinely interested." Her face actually showed an expression of actual interest. She wanted to know how you fucked up.

"....Uhm.." Dammit...of all things. THAT?! "...I just sorta went too easy on the foals. Didn't expect them to take a whack at me."

Chrysalis shakes her head at the absurdity of your actions as she steps into her car. "In other words, you screwed up the same way back when we were facing down those two foolish brothers. You really need to learn to step up your game, Anon. Or else you'll regret it someday. Now then, It's time for this queen...to fly" Chrysalis drives off with a huge screech. You just sit there for a moment watching her disappear into one of the tunnels.

Well, at least you were safe. She wasn't up to anything. So you were in the clear.

As for Celestia,you'd just write the letter, give it to Spike, and probably..most likely...see Lyra and Bonbon just so you can relax. They were a pretty comfy pair after all.

Also...dammit. That sex stuff...Chrysalis probably didn't mean it anyway. Just something else to entice you. But you found it easier to resist. The love poison? Hmm...

With your school supplies. You wrote the letter as simply and to the point as you could. She wasn't up to anything and she was pretty much powerless. Simple and to the point. "Ha! Yes! Fucking awesome." You tap at the sheet of paper before slipping it into your saddle bag. "Celestia can't say shit after this."

Now all you had to do was visit Spike and have him flame breath this letter all the way to Canterlot. Of course, as you made the trip through the portal door and made the trek to the castle, you started to reflect on the whole Crystalling matter. Mostly with what happened in general. "I can't believe I actually agree with Celestia on this one though. How did I not notice or even realize that I still had to get Sunburst....to...the...."

But this time, you didn't end up monologuing. Because the significance of that name suddenly hit your face like a sack of bricks. You stopped as your eyes widened. You just stood there. Silent. Your lips once again saying his name without a sound coming out.

Could it be? "There's no way it's the same guy. Wasn't he a cunt who just left Starlight on a whim? Hold on...wait." He was living alone. And given he wasn't a Crystal pony......ahh shit.

So what? Did the asshole just fail at the reason he left Starlight and just hid out in the Crystal Empire? He didn't even think about going back or writing a fucking letter? "...Ohhh, I bet that fuck probably thought of himself and not wanting to..." You start exaggerating acting in distress in a way Rarity would. Feigning a lack of confidence in your self. "Deal with the shaaaammee of it all. Ohhh, how my friends would mock me.....grrr" You growled, fucking bullshit. All he really had was her, right? And even then. The fucker just left her! if he was afraid of going back, it should have been for the fact he was afraid to face Starlight. Not his own ability in magic. Then again, it was all conjecture after all.

But even then, you thought of him as a massive cunt. You didn't even know how you'd handle that situation. If he's an adviser now, it'd be hard to fuck with him due to his new connections. And if you went to tell Starlight?...well..would she even be able to handle knowing where he is and that she can talk to him? No, you'd worry about this later. But it would be handled. You just couldn't let that go. Besides, getting this letter sent was more important right now anyway.

And again, as you reach the doors of the castle. You don't even bother knocking. The doors were never locked. And...What fucking luck. Spike was in the cutie map chamber by himself, with an apron, brooming the floor. "..Wow, Twilight was right. Ugh, how could an arcade game make me forget to keep this place clean? I mean look at this.." Spike spoke to himself as he lifted a dustpan full of dirt. "It doesn't make any sense for a tree castle to have so much dirt in it. It's so ba-..oh hey. Gem specks." Spike tilts the dustpan to let in some dirt filled with specks of gems into his mouth. He chews, then spits a gunky black speck into the little trash can beside him. "Ehhh...could be better."

Perfect. "Heya Spike, how're you doin?" You try to sound a little friendly and goofy, if only to not seem suspicious about your next question.

"Oh hey Anon...oh" Spike immediately frowned as he rubbed the back of his head, feeling shame. "I hope you didn't visit just so we can go bowling. I'm sort of busy getting the castle cleaned and all that. But hey, you don't need to worry too much since, y'know...all those sweet events are over. It means we can try to do something else that would fit both our schedules."

..Oh right....bowling.. That was something you both still had to do. Well, not anymore it seems. Why would he even immediately think that? In fact..Why don't you just ask. "Why did you think I came here to ask to go bowling?"

"You didn't?....Oh. Umm, I guess I just thought since it's been awhile, that when we saw each other again, that you'd ask about going bowling. But I guess since you're not here to go bowling. We could figure out what a couple of heroes should do together. Y'know.." Spike holds up his broom. "When I get this castle cleaned up"

"Actually..." You reach into your saddle bag and pull out your letter. "You mind sending this to Princess Celestia for me?"

Spike takes the letter and turns it around a few times, inspecting it, but not reading it. "Sure" He just accepts it without questioning it too much since he already knew you had a connection to her already. But he was still curious about the contents of the letter itself. "So, does Princess Celestia got you writing friendship letters? Or is it secret hero stuff?"

"Let's just say it's secret hero stuff. Can't really say what it is" You say this because seriously? What else could you say?

"So no chance of me even getting a peek at this thing ,huh?" Spike looks around the letter without actually opening it up to read.

"Nope, sorry Spike. It's super private. You understand right? No prob?"

Spike burns the letter up with his flame, sending it straight to Celestia as he gives you a pretty cool and calm look. "No prob. It's kinda funny you mentioned it being hero stuff. Because I was thinking of a way to make things up since we didn't go bowling. And that's inviting you to something awesome, something amazing, something nopony knows about." With each word, Spike sounded more and more grand.

Was it...guy's night? "Oh uhhh, what is it?" You act like you had no idea.

"Well, When the girls are gone. I have a little get together with Big Mac. Something I like to call 'Guy's Night'. But it felt kind of lacking with just the two of us. And since you and me are heroes, I think it'd be ok to invite you to the castle the next time we have another one."

Welp, that makes things official. It exists. No idea what it was about. But it exists. "What exactly is 'Guy's Night' anyway? It sounds ok, but I wanna know what it is before I actually come by. It's nothing weird is it?"

"Weird? Nah." Spike jumped onto the cutie mark map and started to swing his broom like a sword. "Guy's Night is a super cool night where we go on epic quests! Fight evil monsters! Beat up major villains! And save super crazy beautiful damsels in distress!" Spike then holds the broom towards you, pointing it at you "...And that’s why I'm inviting you, Anon. We're pals, we're heroes, you'd be perfect for this!"

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH WAIT. "Hoooold on, what do you mean by all that? You don't do all that in a night, do you? I mean, it's just you and Big Mac. How are you doing all that in a night? With just what you have? How does that all even happen coincidentally when the girls leave?"

Spike shrugs. "That's what always happens. It wouldn't be fun if it was just us doing some sort of stupid side quest like collecting berries or catching a raccoon. So we just mostly do all the epic stuff."

Mostly do just the epic stuff? What in the fuck is he talking about? Him and Big Mac? Epic Quests and dangerous villains? Then why wasn't he drowning in pussy? Not Spike, he wanted Rarity, This was about Big Mac. But you've never seen anyone but MAYBE Cheerilee and MAYBE Fluttershy show any interest. You doubted there'd ever be another pony interested in him since he is a BG character, But now you were hearing he was a hero. How? Does that mean he gets mare pussy offscreen? What the fuck was Spike saying?

"Ooook. So you and Big Mac just do all this in a night? Really? And nopony else knows about it? And it's all real? Really?"

Spike nodded. "Yup, it's all part of a real amazing thing. That's why I want you in on it, Anon, it'll be a lot more fun with three of us."

....Good God. This couldn't be canon. This couldn't be real. No wonder those Crystal Ponies want his dick. He must secretly go to the Crystal Empire and save them from shit every now and again in someway you didn't know about. Maybe he was beating down G1 villain rejects or something. "Fun...huh..."

But as you thought on it. It made you think. If Spike could do this shit. IF BIG MAC COULD. Then maybe you could too. After getting your ass raped by those snowball tossing foals, you really needed some real action to get the hang of using a single charge on your horn. You had a good thing going against the Flim Flam Brothers, but you still made a mistake. And if you worked as a team. Then, since they seem successful so far, it might not be too dangerous. "You know what...sure, I'd love to get in on this. How do I know when to come?"

"Hard to say actually. I guess the same way Big Mac finds out. Just keep up with your aunt to find out if she and Twilight and everypony are leaving town or going somewhere. Then you can just show up after they leave and we can get started."

Wait? It's as simple as that? "That's it huh? And then what? How do you guys go about getting onto these Epic Quests and stuff?"

"Oh, that's super easy." Spike hops off the table and rests against the broom. Looking at you with a smug cool look. "We just do it."

...Wut...what the fuck is he...what?! That's it?! Does danger just come onto their laps ever....well nevermind. You've got a villain you have to deal with everyday. And seriously? It's not like your time here has been boring or relaxing. Spike could be right. It really could be that simple. "Huh.....ok. I accept. And uhh, when I can, I'll meet you at the next guy's night. I'm really interested in all this heroing stuff you seem to have going."

Spike gives you a huge yet friendly and even yet...smug grin. "Trust me Anon, it's gonna blow your mind."

"I bet, thanks Spike."

"No problem. buuut.." Spike plants the broom back on the ground. "I better get back to cleaning up the castle. I don't want to disappoint Twilight. So, I'll seeya later."

Well, that was pleasant. Nothing went wrong. And now, you're gonna get to do super cool hero things, get some training in, and just..well, you didn't know what your conclusion was right now. But you'd figure it out.

After saying goodbye, you leave the castle. With Sunburst back in your mind. You wondered if you should at least send a letter to Starlight...but dammit no. No. "I'm gonna have to meet that guy face to face again and question him. I realllllyyy wanna know why he just seemed to forget about Starlight like that. It's like he didn't even care." And as you pondered and wandered to Lyra's house. You failed to notice a shadow looming over you. Following you.

"...That guy. I'll give him a hell of a zap if his answer is shiiiIIEEEAATT!" You dive forward and cover your head when you hear a large booming noise from over you. Holy shit, it was so loud. Your ears were ringing as you fought to roll on your back and look up. And when you did...there was a very low hanging storm cloud where you stood. You were breathing hard. That shit almost killed you.

At least, you thought that. Until you heard giggling. Familiar giggling. "R-rainbow Dash?"

But it wasn't familiar enough it seemed.


Scootaloo pops her head out, smiling at you. She was looking down at you from the cloud. "Cloooose, but I'm the next best thing. Heya Anon" Scootaloo giggled. "Whatcha think of my skills?"

Goddammmmmmmmiiiittt! She pranked you. She scared the fuck out of you. "What do I think? Scootaloo...geez, That's pretty messed up. What if you shocked me or something?"

You weren't too happy at all about it. Scootaloo frowned as she gently hopped off the cloud, bucked it into nothingness, and floated to the ground as she glared at you with slight disbelief. She thought you could take a prank. "Geez Anon, it's just thunder. Still..." Scootaloo couldn't hold back another giggle. "I got you pretty good. You didn't notice me at all. Something must really be on your mind, huh?"

Egh....How did she even get up there? Was she using the wings?..No, of course she was. But you didn't like what she did at all. What if she fucked up and killed you? "Yeah, and it's super important. So, why don't you go use your 'skills' somewhere else."

Now Scootaloo felt a little hurt. She didn't mean to upset you that bad. "Anon, come on. It was just a joke. All I was doing was practicing with the wings you got me. I've gotten a really good hang of them. I even managed to time when..." Suddenly, the wings change into cardboard. "They change back. Ehhh...I hate the fact that they always change back though." She looked pretty disappointed. "Yeah...so, I guess that's it then. I kinda wanted to show you something else too. And tell you something important...but...I guess I shouldn't have done that. I really didn't mean to make you angry, Anon. I really was just joking....sorry" She hung her head, feeling bad for what she did. She didn't know you couldn't take a joke.

So..she came alone to show you something? And tell you something? Yeah, where were the other two anyway? ....Mnnn...actually. As you looked at how broken hearted she looked. You actually felt bad. Out of the three, Scootaloo never really was that bad unless Rainbow Dash was involved in some way. And then there was the whole way she pranked you. Would you really be so salty over a prank? That would just make you one of them tumblr autists. Fuck, you didn't want to be one of those guys. She didn't mean any harm.

"...mnnn, Scootaloo, I'm sorry, don't worry about it. I was just..I dunno. I got a..." Time to save face. "Hero stuff on my mind. And stuff about Chrysalis. But, hey. I guess I don't have to really worry about it since things have been going pretty good for me since I got home. So, what did you want to tell me? And er..show me?"

That seemed to perk Scootaloo up some. She looked at you, still a little reluctant. "Oh, well..it's not much really. I just thought since you were a hero like Rainbow Dash. You could see how good I've been training my real wings and tell me how good I'm doing. Rainbow Dash would just tell me I'm doing really great. But sometimes I feel she just doesn't want to tell me the truth because it'd hurt my feelings. B-but" Scootaloo makes an expression of confidence as she pumps at her chest with her leg. "I've been working real hard, and I think I deserve the truth."

Training with her real wings?...Huh...many a viewer would love to see her actually fly..or at least glide. This could be interesting. And she was your friend after all. So why not? "Ok.." You sit down on your ass. "Show me, I'm actually pretty interested."

"YEAH! ok! Watch this! MMMNNNGGRR" Scootaloo starts struggling as her wings start flapping at a ridiculous rate. Like a humming bird. The ground actually reacts with the spread of dust. She then started to float up...and she hovered there. She hovered there as she struggled. It actually impressed you considering how bad she used to be.

But alas, she could only hold it for so long before falling on her belly. But she wasn't sad, she was genuinely happy and excited to hear your evaluation "Twenty whole seconds Anon, how's that? Pretty good huh?"

And that...that's when your heart broke. There's always been moments where Scootaloo had that would shatter many a fan's heart over her flying. But sitting there, watching her try her damndest to fly, and then asking YOU if she was doing good. You couldn't do it, you couldn't tell her that even if it was an improvement. She still wasn't there yet. So, you just give her a bright grin as you nod and say with excitement.

"Wooah Scootaloo, that was super great! Heh, no way I'd ever be able to do something like that if I was a pegasus! Top notch work!"

"Really?" Scootaloo said with a wide smile, she was so happy to hear that. "You really think so?"

You nod. "Yeah, that's a huge improvement over how it was before. You're gonna be flying around and doing Scootabooms in no time."

The poor filly. Dammit, she came here, not really to prank you. But to get your opinion on something. When Scootaloo was with the other two, she, while being the least insufferable, was still annoying. But by herself...maybe she wasn't so bad.

She snickered as she looked back at her wings. "Ahh yeah! I'm gonna be flying with Rainbow Dash in no time! Thanks Anon!" She gave you a huge grin.

...Awwww... "No problem...hey...Scoots...can I call you Scoots?"

"Umm, sure! I don't see why you can't" Scootaloo didn't see it as a bad thing.

"Cool...umm. Why don't you come with me to see some friends? And you can tell me what you wanted to tell me on the way."

"Sure! I don't really got anything to do anyway since Applebloom and Sweetie Belle are training Scrappy. I would be helping too but, ya know, I had my own training to do." So now Scootaloo joins you on your trek to Bonbon and Lyra's.

Scrappy...Training..wut? Hrmm, actually. You did wonder what the current status was on him. Especially since he decided to do some spying in the Crystal Empire.

Scootaloo then says "Anyway, I gotta tell you what Scrappy told us when he got back from his spy mission"

That..was disheartening still. They knew what he did apparently, but had no problem with it. "What is it?"

"Well..." Scootaloo looks around, there were ponies around of course. but she wanted to make sure she wouldn't be heard. So she moved in closer to your ear. "Scrappy said he noticed another changeling somewhere around the Empire. And now Queen Bug Breath wants something done about it."

.......

....

......

WHAT?! "W-what?! N-no! That can't be right! I just asked her if she was planning anything and she told me no!"

Scootaloo raised an eyebrow at you. She honestly couldn't believe it. "And you believed her?"

...

...

...

"....Yes..."

Scootaloo smirks however, and shakes her head. "Anon, you are soooo lucky that this isn't anything to worry about. you'd be in real trouble if this was something major."

Wut?! "Nothing to worry about? Why isn't it anything to worry about?!" YOU JUST SENT A LETTER SAYING IT WOULD BE FUCKING FINE. THEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS!

"Because, Bugbrain is just sending Scrappy to bring the changeling back. Or..I think she is. She hasn't sent him out yet. Apparently she's waiting until morning before she sends him. And even then, she hasn't told him everything either. Apparently she said she needs to fully plan everything out before she actually sends him. And that this Thorax guy won't just make any move either. Which means she has time to fully work something out. I think this might actually be a good thing, Anon. A loose changeling is no joke. And if Scrappy is gonna take care of him. Then that's good...right?" Scootaloo looked to you for confirmation. She really didn't want to hear that it wouldn't be alright.

Wouldn't it though? Or rather. Wouldn't things be fine? If Chrysalis is dealing with a rogue changeling through Scrappy, then...it should be fine. It has nothing to do with that baby, Blurry fart? Hurry Tart?...Nah don't be stupid. It was something close to that though.

Still, another changeling? And it's name is Thorax? What in the fuck is he doing there? And what did he want? You may have thought Scrappy was lying. But it didn't really cross your mind. Scrappy was too dumb and wanting to make them happy by telling the truth to just make that up.

"....I guess I'll have to ask Chrysalis about why she lied to me when I get the chance. And ask her exactly what she might have planned. But I'm just glad it has nothing to do with Cadance's baby. But, mnn… What about that other changeling? How sure was Scrappy that this changeling wouldn't make a move?"

"Ummm, well, he said that Chrysalis was sure he wouldn't try anything at all for a pretty long time. So I guess there's nothing to worry about. Anon, you're gonna go with Scrappy right? If you go with him, then you can make sure nothing goes wrong at all."

"What about school?"

"Forget school, this is super duper important! Scrappy may need help! So you can protect him AND make sure nothing goes wrong. You know, real hero stuff!" She tries to cement this, that this would be hero work.


Real hero work. And she was most likely right. School was boring and you already knew everything you needed. Besides, if you wanted to make sure nothing goes wrong and you don't get sent to the moon by Celestia, then you HAD to go. "You're right. Ok, I'll make sure I join Scrappy tomorrow before he goes to the Empire. I'm still going to question Chrysalis though. I want to know why she lied to me."

"Just remember, she might just lie to you some more. So it might just be best to throw her words away. Just focus on helping Scrappy. You know, something Rainbow Dash would do if she was friends with him." Scootaloo tried to get you pumped up by comparing you to Rainbow Dash in someway. And then she got super excited as she felt the next thing she was gonna say would really excite you. "Oh! Also, check this Anon. Scrappy remembered EVEN more about that other you. And I gotta tell you. What he had to say? Just blew all our minds. It's super crazy stuff."

Super crazy stuff? About this other you? Your curiosity is piqued. "....Tell me everything."

"Ok, so...get this. Because this is the most amazing thing about him. Are you ready Anon? Because, let me tell you. No one saw this coming" Scootaloo tries to get you hyped for the answer. But all it did was annoy you.

"Come on, don't stall. I reeaaalllyy wanna know what Scrappy had to say."

"Ok ok, so..get this." Scootaloo makes a regal pose as she speaks. "The other you is...A PRINCE!"

.......

...

That didn't register in your brain. It didn't register so hard that you started cackling. "Ahahaha..a what?!"

"A prince. Why are you laughing? This is pretty big stuff." Scootaloo says, feeling a little insulted that you were laughing.

"A Prince? Ohhh come on Scootaloo, the guy was obviously messing with him. There's nooooo way that's true. If it's another me. Then he's gotta be related to Discord in some way. What is he even a prince of?"

"Equestria....Why would Scrappy lie?" Scootaloo didn't much like that you were accusing such a cute and innocent bug as a liar.

You started busting a gut. No fucking way. Nooooooope. "Hahaha! Seriously? What?! Cooome on Scoots! He was tricked, how could he possibly believe it?"

"Because, he also remembers tasting the guy's love. He tasted a TON of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and a lot of bat for some reason too. He had a lot of love for them. And a lot of their love was still in him. He said he could definitely remember Princess Celestia's due the taste he got at the wedding. How are you going to refute that, huh?" Scootaloo was now annoyed with you. She thought you'd be more cool about it.

"By...." Wait....Suddenly, you stop dead as your heart runs cold. A Prince? That means he'd have to be Celestia or Luna's kid...or from what it sounded like...He was both. I-is that why the window led to the castle? And then there was… "Woah...ummm..Scoots. What do you mean by 'A bat'?" ...Holy shit. Not the same bat that mistook you for that other guy..right?

"You believe it now?" Scoots asks you before answering.

"M-maybe, just tell me by what he meant by the bat."

"Well.." Scootaloo thought back to the conversation. "There wasn't much to talk about when it came to the bat thing. Well, bat pony actually. Scrappy said given all the love that came off that other guy, he must have been loved and considered like, super special. He said that the kind of love he tasted was things like cuddles, hugs, and protective mother type of things. And lots of hope too. I don't think the bat had anything to do with the mother thing though. But I guess that explains why the guy was so nice to him despite using that taser thing. I guess Scrappy really did try to attack him for that whole honor thing."

Scootaloo continued “Oh, and then something creepy happened. Sweetie Belle was all like 'oh, he actually sounds kind of dreamy'. Ehh, after that whole thing with you, Applebloom, and Diamond Tiara, that was the last thing I wanted to hear. All this special somepony stuff is kinda getting out of hoof anyway. But yeah, that's what he said. Pretty crazy right?" Scootaloo may have said a mouthful. But you were utterly stunned as you slowly started to process the information in your head.

The bat mistook you for him. She did mention something about you mentioning the Princesses in the wrong fashion. Then...there was those mechano hands and the taser. There was no way Scrappy could know about the bat. And he didn't, but he tasted bat pony. You SAW bat pony. And then all that love..ALL THAT LOVE....that fuck. The guy...no.

"Anon..a-are you ok? Some of your mane just turned white." Scootaloo was now worried for you as you were lost in the void of your mind.

The niceness this guy had. His relation to the princesses. Sweetie Belle's stupid fucking reaction. The bat..THE FUCKING BAT. And the cuddles and snuggles. Did that mean?

Fucking...that means the guy is more of a prodigy than you are. The fucker got a ride on easy street because for some INSANE reason, The princesses must have wanted a kid. And then those hands, and the taser. No, how could this other you be so smart as to build that kind of shit? Hell, you even started to remember that radio that bat filly had. The guy was some super smart princely goody two shoes.

But then, why did he step into this dimension?....Oh..no..it meant it was true. The fucker came to avenge a stupid silly kiss you gave to the bat filly. That had to be it...she called you a Changeling. Scrappy is a changeling. He must have mistook him for you. Classic cliche dimensional misunderstandings, like that episode of Futurama or Negaduck from Darkwing Duck.

Goddammit Luna, you fucking liar. Her alternate self seemed to treat that guy like a plush cuddly kid. She just had to if the little bug could taste it that clearly. All you wanted was to live a nice life in Equestria. Being loved, getting cuddles, getting a mare to fuck and snuggle with, and live happily ever after. And instead some fucking princely fuck got it while you stress yourself with a bug queen who doesn't seem to be learning anything. A chaos spirit who fucks with you every now again. Two princesses who distrust you, and the fucking CMC. At least there was Fluttershy and Starlight Glimmer, the best of the fucking best. Lyra and Bon Bon were pretty good too.

You were shaking with anger. You were defeated before you could even make your next move. You couldn't touch this guy without inciting some sort of royal wrath. Your eyes twitched, your hooves shook, your face red with anger, your mane becoming more disheveled by sheer will.

You lost...

You lost what you deserved to some alternative little fuck who, if he was truly another you, was laughing at you right this instant. Laughing from his throne as he cuddled with his mothers. And if Discord said was true. Then it was another Discord that must have brought him in. But to help the sisters? Nah, that wasn't important. What was important was him. Him having everything over you. What did you even do that was so wrong? You did your best. You helped ponies. You REFORMED ponies. You saved a world. And yet, that guy didn't have to work for shit. And LUNA, ooooohhhhh...OHHHHHH. She was going to get a talking to, because you would have HAPPILY hung out with them for a week before they became all serious and disapproving. Maybe then they would have seen how good you are before they came to their little conclusion.

Fuck that other Anon, just by existing he was making a mockery of your own life. And what was his problem? You kissed his girl? So fucking what? The bitch was a yandere as fuck bat that tried to kill you the moment she thought you were a changeling. Pretty close to Twilight's shit conclusions you'd say.

But wait… Suddenly, your lips curl into a wicked smile. The fuck hasn't exactly completed his revenge yet. You still had that. Meaning, if he came back to try to beat you. He'd have broken the rules. And then...you'd have three charges. Not just to beat him. But to utterly wreck him and show him EXACTLY why you're the better, kinder, more heroic pony. With a superior mind that, while you can't build mechanical shit, know Equestria inside and out. You can even predict convoluted cartoon plots from start to finish. Ohhh...yes....

You started chuckling. Then laughing maniacally. "OHH YEAH! JUST WATCH, I'M GONNA HAVE THE LAST LAUGH! HAHAHAHAHA"

"A-Anon? A-are you ok? W-what's wrong? Last laugh about what? What happened to you?" You stop your maniacal laughter when you realize Scootaloo was still there. And she looked very worried about you.

"Huh? Oh..Umm..geez" You brush back your mane as the strands that turned white fall to the ground. You then give Scootaloo a pleasant smile, which still comes across as creepy. "I was just...remembering something silly."

Scootaloo was now acting wary with caution. She's never seen you act so weird. "Silly? Why? We were just talking about what Scrappy said and you just..." She just juts her hoof out with a "pfft" sound from her lips. "...Gone...W-what's wrong?...really. You can tell me, was there something you remembered? Why did you say 'Last Laugh'? That almost sounds..like a villain thing" She was now worrying herself as she contemplated on why you had just...acted so off.

And you took notice of that. You couldn't let Scootaloo worry. This was your fight. And you didn't need ANY CMC getting in the middle of it. Especially any CMC that would take that fucker's side. "I'm just weird sometimes. But Scoots, what you had to say, I believe every word of it now. Sorry for mistrusting you and Scrappy earlier. Just, I guess after getting fooled by Chrysalis, I may have just...y'know.." You do the same motion Scootaloo did with your hoof. "Pfft!...gone. All that stress...y'know?"

Scootaloo started to calm herself after you said that. It made sense, at least to her. Even if it was a lie, she believed you. And sighed in relief. "Yeah that makes sense. Geez Anon, you really work hard, just like Rainbow Dash. I can't imagine how it's like dealing with that stupid bug queen everyday. Always gotta figure out when she's lying. And she probably does it a lot while still saying you're her friend, huh?" Scootaloo remarks as you both continue your trek to Lyra and Bonbon's.

"Yeah...you got that right. But I can handle it. I can handle a lot of things."

Boy...could you.

For now, you'd wait. You couldn't let yourself get lost in too much thought about that guy. You needed to relax until you could get alone to recollect your thoughts. For now, you'd relax with your friends. And then go question Chrysalis. You'd have to come up with a way to say you distrust her words without letting out that you knew all along thanks to Scootaloo and Scrappy. As for Luna, you were going to be sure to raise those questions to her again now that you know she bullshitted you. How dare she?

You slowly started to regain your grip.You didn't want to seem insane in front of your friends. Scootaloo included. She was pretty cool on her own. If things continue how they are going. You may have no reason to actually find her annoying. Hell, she's even capable of being useful. A very big plus.

And as for the grand scheme of things. You still had Flutter cuddles, you still had a little mare to woo and love, you still had friends to protect, and as far as Starlight is concerned, a mission to find out why her life was ruined by that bastard Sunburst. Yeah, you were Anon. Hero Colt and all around good guy. If Equestria ever was in real danger, you'd save it just like you saved that other future. the Crystalling? It a fluke.

Everything will be fine.

Everything will be-

"Anon? Are really sure you're ok?" Scootaloo asked.

"Yeah..why?"

"Because that flower pot landed on your head like ten seconds ago and you didn't even flinch at it" She pointed to your head. "I don't even know where it came from"

"Huh?" GODDAMMIT! You quickly brush the dirt and clay off. "I-it's part of my hero training. Toughness training. Y'know...t-to show that I can't be stopped."

Scootaloo narrowed her eyes at you. "By flower pots?"

You grinned nervously at her. "...Yes"

"..........Ok then. I mean, I can't think of a time we'd ever get attacked by flower pots. But you have to be prepared for anything..I guess..." Then Scootaloo mumbled under her breath. That was too much for her to even take. "weeeirrddd".

And so you both continued the trek to Lyra's house.

In your mind, you couldn't even believe why he'd be considered lovable, the other you that is. The guy was gonna taze you and possibly beat the shit out of you because you kissed his girl AFTER she went all crazy on you. It wasn't your fault she didn't let you escape in the first place. In fact, it could very well be similar to Sunburst, at least in your mind. A fucking shit of a person who betrayed their friend and then ends up with royalty due to some ridiculous circumstances. He must have betrayed his Discord.

There's also Sunburst....that shit. He'll pay, for sure.

What a fucking mess. Other Anon and Sunburst, two little fucks who have the admiration of royalty despite being little shits. Meanwhile you're trying to reform a major villain and you're getting shit on. What a ridiculous joke.

"Anon?...Are you ok?" Scootaloo asks, still worried about you. Snapping out of your daze.

"W-wha?...ahh, sorry Scoots. Kinda just zoned out"

"Anon, are you sure. Really really sure that you're ok? I don't know if it's all training or stress or both. But you don't really have it together right now. Maybe you should go take a nap."

Dammit, you didn't need a nap. Just relax, Anon. you must be looking pretty retarded right now. "Nah, just deep into thought. I have a lot on my mind Scoots. Everyday is a new challenge for me."

"Yeah...it looks that way. Anon, can I ask you a personal question?" Scootaloo's expression, she was looking at you with concern and curiosity

"Personal?...Umm, yeah sure I guess." At first you suddenly thought she'd ask about your true origins. But nah, there was already a set in past. She couldn't know about your human side. Dammit, just let your mind ease up Anon, you're letting this new info get to you.

"Well, ummm, how do I put this?...uhh..Well. How do you handle everything? I mean, you're Discord's kid, but you seem totally ok around him, which is weird because he treats anypony not Fluttershy like we're all dog dirt. You have bug breath in your basement. And she can't be fun. And yet you're trying to reform her. I don't even think Twilight would try that. Then there's all the heroic stuff you do. Like when Sweetie Belle told us when you saved that entire other dimension. It's all so cool, I mean..you didn't save the world as many times as Rainbow Dash did but..It's still mega cool. That's why I'm asking how you can handle it. To me...well" Scootaloo looks down, she's feeling bad about something all of a sudden..but what?

"What? What's wrong?"

"Well, I mean. I'm not innocent either..About your stress I mean. I gave you that trouble with that whole fan club war thing. So I guess I feel really bad about all the trouble we gave you, calling you high and mighty and stuff. You didn't really deserve it, at least, I don't think so. " Scootaloo looks around and moves in close to you to whisper in your ear. "Don't tell anypony, but even though I wanna join the Wonderbolts too and hang out with Rainbow Dash and be like her and stuff....I'd be scared to do all the stuff you're doing right now."

....She what? Well, you knew they were sorry before. But it didn't really feel too heartfelt to you that time. But now? Here was Scoots telling you, on her own, that she was not only sorry, but that she'd never be able to do what you do.

...she actually appreciated what you do. For some reason, a tear comes out of your eyes. "Scoots, do you really mean all that?"

Scootaloo nods, feeling embarrassed about what she admitted. "Yeah, I screw up sometimes at trying to be brave and stuff. I mean, I am pretty brave..but..well...I guess not brave enough to deal with your dad or Chrysalis. That's why I am really REALLY sorry about anything I did to make things harder on you, especially anything with Scrappy. We're trying to help you, I mean that. But I guess we didn't consider how much you do compared to what we do. Does that make sense? Because, umm..Look, let me make it simple. I'm sorry, especially about anything I've done." Scootaloo was having a hard time keeping it simple. But that was enough.

You rushed up and gave the caramel pony a hug. "..Scoots, thanks, no..really..thanks. You took a load off my mind."

She did, all this time you felt all three of the CMC were just bagging on you. Even after they apologized, you felt the way they inserted themselves into your plans was beyond annoying. But now you saw, at least with Scoots, that they..or maybe just she...was trying to help without wanting to cause you any trouble. And to be your friend while trying to understand your stress. You could.....you could do with that. You were fine with that..

Scootaloo felt a little awkward, she didn't expect this reaction, but she pats your back anyway before you pull away with a smile on your face. "Y-you're welcome Anon"

You felt a warmth in your heart. A warmth you hadn't felt in awhile, well, not since you last snuggled with Fluttershy. And that warmth? Someone in town who was understanding of your strife. And it just so happened to be a Cutie Mark Crusader. How grand. "Well, Scoots, it's...not all bad. You don't have to be TOO sorry. I mean.." You give her a smug smirk as you fiddle with your horn. "I got this from Dad himself, it helps ease the stress since it's a once a day super magic horn."

Scootaloo gazed at the horn, and moved her hoof to tap it, she then looks at you with even more curiousness. "Yeah, I guess it would make things easier. Oh! What super cool things have you used it for lately? Anything super heroic?"

"Have I, just..." Wait..no..just today you snowballed your own ass. "Just...before I came back to this dimension. I used it to defeat the evil king versions of Flim and Flam."

Scootaloo seemed a bit skeptical about that however, she didn't know all the details. "Really? I mean, that’s neat. But it's Flim and Flam. How tough could they be?"

"Oh, trust me Scoots. They had the entire world at their disposal. They made a giant mech with the Alicorn Amulet at its core. Very scary stuff, it was made of metal that was resistant to ALL kinds of magic. I created this punch ghost thing to pummel the living Tartarus out of it, like...a million hits a second."

"Woah..That sounds AWESOME! I don't even think Rainbow Dash can buck that fast! I just have one question." Scootaloo was super impressed.

"What's that?"

".....What's a mech?" Ahh, cute pony ignorance, her head tilt made it all the more adorable. You liked it.

"A mech is a giant machine that can move and attack and stuff. Like...Imagine if a Minotaur was made of metal, huge, and had a pony on the inside controlling it. Now imagine it shooting things like darts, rockets, and having drills for hands."

".......Woah. That sounds super dangerous. You beat that kind of thing?"

You nod with a smirk. "Yuuuup"

"Wooww...." Scootaloo looked super impressed...and yet. "That's almost as cool as the time Rainbow Dash defeated Tirek with Twilight and the others. I saw her in the distance using this Rainbow Power thing. Super rad!"

......Goddammit Scoots. And yet, you couldn't be mad. Not at her for some reason. You knew her character, nobody was EVER going to take RD's place on her mantle. "Almost" was as close as you'd get with her.

"Oh! Speaking of Rainbow Dash. Was there a Rainbow Dash in that other Equestria place?" Her eyes grew big when she asked this question, she was super excited and giddy for the answer.

"Oh, yeah actually."

"I knew it! Was she the same? Was she different? How was she like?" Scootaloo was bouncing about, wanting to hear the answer.

"She was the chief of police of the...that version of Ponyville."

Scootaloo immediately stopped hopping as she cringed. "Ooohhhhhh...geez, not even the leader of the Wonderbolts? I don't even think we have a chief of police. Which means...ogh...Did she work for those dumb cheating ponies or something?"

You nodded. "Yeah, but she didn't actually like it. She..did sort of help out though. She got me to a few places I needed to go."

"..Ehhh...That's ok I guess, So uhh....Was I there?" She asked

"Probably, but I never ran into you. Sorry."

"..That's probably good." She shuddered. "I don't wanna know how I was like there anyway."

That made you giggle, that type of reaction was cute. Hell, you were quickly forgetting your troubles with Scoots around. They were still there of course, but that other Anon guy? You'd just have to wait...but oh boy, once he comes for that revenge...he'll be the one who's done.

No, for now...it was time to knock on Lyra's door. "Welp, we're here"

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