• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 121

Holy fuckballs, where the hell did he come from?! Was he always there?! Christ, you thought you could get home before even he noticed. Though, that was a folly. School had to be over by now, your absence would be noticed. "Geez! where did you come from?!"

"Even I don't know the answer to that, next question" Discord said as he started to sift through some papers he had… for some reason.

"You know what I mean, you followed me right?.....How did you even know I was coming here?..er...how much did you hear?" You wanted to know. As far as you knew, he didn't seem to be keeping any kind of tab on you. It just seemed so sudden. And then there was the fact that he could have heard things you didn't exactly want him to know… like Starlight knowing about Chrysalis.

"Enough to know that this was disgustingly sappy" Discord was carefully tapping each piece of paper carefully as he spoke to you. He sounded unimpressed, and a little annoyed. "Though I suppose I should commend you on a job well done, if only because you one upped Twilight Sparkle at her own game. But even that won't save you from the fact that I'm rather upset about this whole affair."

...Oh shit, he probably knew. "Look, things got out of hand. She kidnapped me after the party and I fought her off, sorta. Then I had to take her home because if I didn't, she would have been torn apart by Timberwolves. Her finding out about Chrysalis was not part of the plan, but she promised not to tell anyone. I think we can trust her. So no worries… right?"

Discord started to put the papers back together as he snorted from hearing your words, disgust in his voice. "Oh, you think this is about her finding out about our infestation? No no, this is about you missing school. Nothing more."

Wut?! WHAT?! "Excuse me?"

"S-C-H-O-O-L, you missed it Anon. I already trust you in the fact that you got this whole "Starlight Glimmer" thing sorted. As for how I knew you were here. I didn't follow you, I waited for you. You seem to forget that we have a witness to your shenanigans at home. She told me who your guest was, and I simply worked out the rest. Speaking of working out, I have all your missed school work done. All you have is your homework." Discord lowers the papers as he sarcastically says. "You're welcome, by the way"

That explains that, but that doesn't explain why he's more upset about you missing school while he's sweeping the whole Starlight thing under the rug. "But that doesn't explain WHY you're upset at me, I thought you wouldn't mind me missing school."

"I don't, but do you forget we have another member in our little family who actually does care?" Discord looked down at you, looking serious, his expression dark and foreboding "Do you know how worried Fluttershy got when she found out you hadn't gone to school? She flew over there herself to give you a pencil she bought that barely wears down. And you weren't there."

Oh… well… this was sort of making sense… but still. "Ah come on, it's just… another day of school. You could have just told her I was sick from the party."

"I did that actually, Which I also think is a fitting punishment."

Seriously? A punishment? You felt like that was overstepping.

"Come on! Don't, Discord. I was doing important things. I reformed a villain. It's just school, even if Fluttershy got upset. If she knew the truth about us...I....u...ugh.." You fell over, you were starting to feel nauseous. "....ogh...R-really? You're really doing this over that? Do you know how nonsensical th-that is?"

"Do you remember who I am? It's really for your own good Anon, you could have left a note. Or perhaps waited until AFTER school to do your little deed. It wasn't like she was going anywhere. Do you know how boring math is? Especially when I have to copy your atrocious writing style? I love chaos but this is just abysmal, I don't even think your teacher will accept it."

Your stomach, it felt like you wanted to puke right there. You held it tight. "Mmghh… C-couldn't we just say… I'm sick… and not..mmnnngghh..my stomach.."

Discord shook his head. "Come now Anon, it's not so bad. You'll be properly cared for." Discord snapped his talons as you appeared on your bed, as Discord hovered beside you. "Soup, love, care. You'll be better in no time. Which is good because I left you your homework. I'll leave it right here on your dresser."

You quickly grabbed your blanket and wrapped up in it tightly. Goddammit, part of you wanted to be mad at Fluttershy too. But… eh, she didn't deserve your anger. "..Can't you just....leave me...alone? I don't want y-your care..."

You sniffed, you felt like you had a cold. Christ, don't puke Anon. Don't puke. Because you probably had no way to clean off your bed through normal means. You also were pissed deep inside. You did good, you helped a villain see the side of friendship, yet here you are, in bed. Over something stupid.

"Oh I plan to. Actually caring for you while you're sick is a very boring affair indeed....... That's why I have a nanny to do that." That caught your attention rather quickly. He couldn't mean. He couldn't possibly mean… Discord pulled out a bell, and rang it daintily. "Ohhhh Chryssi… Chryssi, can you bring up Anon's soup?"

Oh god… he did… he fucking did. Even in your state, and your anger at your friend and partner. It suddenly all washed away. Because not in a million years, could you imagine Chrysalis actually taking the call. But the floor door didn't open, she didn't even answer.

Discord rang the bell "Chrysssiiiiiiiii, Anon needs your love annnnddd caaareeeeee...."

You stayed silent, waiting for her to answer. Or come in. But there was still no response. You almost couldn't believe your own curiosity. This was some shit… if this was real.

Discord looked at the floor door. Annoyed. "Well then, that's rather rude." Discord looked at you with a gentle smile "Excuse me, my adorable little Anon, while I personally fetch your loving nanny."

You say nothing… Holy shit.

Discord opened and went through the floor door, slithering through the air like a snake. Things were silent for a moment, you could hear talking through the door, but you couldn't make out the words. Then, the next moment. You could hear Chrysalis screaming and shooting magic. Oh holy shit, it seems she didn't agree to this at all.

Discord popped his head through the door "Excuse me a moment Anon. your nanny seems to be on her time of the month." As he popped back out, you couldn't help but grin a little at that. You felt terrible for grinning, considering what he did to you… but that was genuinely funny.

There was still fighting though. But only for a few more moments. Then, it died down. Discord popped out through the door again, his expression a twisted, arrogant smirk. "There we are, it just took a little convincing. Now then… Nanny Chryssi… will you come up here please?"

You hear Chrysalis call out "I refuse… I can't go up there looking like this!"

"Come now, it fits the scene. If you had been more agreeable, then maybe I would have been more lenient. But if you don't want to come up, I understand. I just hope you like your entire hive having their minds twisted to be loving,adorable, cutesy wutesy little darlings."

There was silence for a moment. "...Fine… Just give me a moment.." Chrysalis called out.

Looking like what? Did he turn her into a normal pony? Did he make her look like something else? Your curiosity was overcoming your sickly stomach. Then you saw her slowly crawling through the door with some sort of outfit on. There was a little white hat with a red cross on it. And as she slipped further through. She was in a nurses gown, she was carefully hovering a bowl of soup through the door using her horn magic. She looked absolutely demoralized. She was grumbling.



Ok yeah, it was sort of hot. But holy shit, you bursted out in laughter. You couldn't contain yourself. "HOLY CRAP!? ARE YOU SERIOUS?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HAHAHAHAHAHA"

Chrysalis growled at you, baring her fangs. "Silence! I will not be mocked! I will… what?"

Discord held a sheet of paper to her face, and tapped at it "And don't forget the script, it's not complete without the script."

Chrysalis threw the soup at your face as you laughed and giggled at her situation. You started to spit and throw it off of you. Thankfully, the liquid wasn't scalding. And you were still struck funny from it all that you continued to giggle.


"Ah ah, that's not very family friendly, that anger of yours. I'm sure a hive full of cuddle bugs will soften you right up." Discord warned her.

Changelings being nice and friendly? That didn't sound too bad. Maybe they could all turn into sexy mares and lounge around with you… dirty thoughts. "I wouldn't mind that. I bet having a bunch of loving and caring bug ponies that could turn into soft and gentle mares would help me sleep at night"

Nah, you had it. You were snickering now. You knew you were safe, and you know you wanted to try being friends with her. But holy shit, you'd never get another opportunity like this ever again. This was a punishment?! It's worth the pain.

Discord smirked at Chrysalis "See, Anon likes the idea too. Now then, let m-"

"ALRIGHT!......alright..." Chrysalis could feel hatred flowing through her entire being over this situation. She felt so humiliated. But this was a much better fate than what Discord was threatening. She takes the paper, and starts to read in a deadpan, uninterested voice. "Oh… dear… my poor little Anon… sick… how… terrible....let....mommy...Ch...Ch..." Chrysalis looked up at Discord "You can't expect me to read all this....."

"Of course I do, he neeeeeedddsss you." Discord floated over to you and patted your head. "He's in so much pain"

You look at Chrysalis… Oh yes… it's time for some revenge. All those times she tried to sexually manipulate you. You did sort of like it, but you hated the fact you had trouble resisting. Now… now was the time to go all out. You held out your hooves. "Come on Chryssi, I need a hug and a kiss on the cheek!"

You felt a cough coming on, and coughed to the side as Chrysalis looked at you with disgust. "This is blackmail of the worst kind. I hope you realize that you'll never get away with it."

"Come on, how many times did you try to manipulate me? You said you wanted to be friends with me. This could honestly be our bonding time. And I do remember you saying to come see you last night. So I'm a little late. It still counts...wight chwyssi?" You made a cute, adorable little face at her.


Ohhhhhh....well, she let that slip. "So, you were trying to manipulate me the whole time, huh? You never wanted to be my friend, did you?"

"Of course not" Chrysalis said "Why would I want to be friends with a lowly little whelp who wasn't even wanted in his own world" Then Chrysalis sneered at you "I bet that hurts, doesn't it? to know that you failed at making me your friend… doesn't it?"

You smirk back, you had this. She couldn't kill you, at all. And if she was going to play that way. If she just was going to throw everything like that away. Then you had no reason whatsoever to play nice. "Oh no no, it's just going to make this much more enjoyable. Because now I won't feel bad about it later."

Discord was just sitting in mid air at this point, enjoying the back and forth. Eating popcorn.

Chrysalis however, found that statement absolutely foul. "You.....little.....INSECT! You're a little nothing deep inside. What makes you think you can act all high and mighty now?!"

You cough, and lay back and snuggle in your pillow. "Because you can't kill me, that's why. But don't feel bad..." You knew this was going to piss her off, your next words. "But when it comes to what's "Deep Inside". I still like to think that you can be my friend in the end. After Starlight… I really think that's possible."

Chrysalis didn't have a retort to that. She felt like she had bitten on bait she shouldn't have bitten on. She instead looked to Discord, and growled at him instead, ignoring your words. "You can't treat me this way! I am a QUEEN!"

"Yes, and I am a spirit of chaos and that's a human turned pony… and that's a bed, and over there is a door, and the dresser is right there… I would ask you what your point is. But now I'm having fun with ACTUAL pointing, oh look.." Discord pointed at your window. "A window!"

Oh yeah, this was worth it. You'd have to try to make nice with Chrysalis later. But for now… oh man. You wouldn't mind sticking your dick in it while she's in th… wait… "Discord, could you put her in a maid outfit?"

Discord chortled at that question. "Anon, now that truly is sick… I like it"

"A maid's outfit? For what purpose? Unless… that scent.." She looked over to you, with utter disgust "...you sickening little roach. I will not stand for-"

But before she could even finish her sentence, she was put into a black french maid's outfit, with a frilly apron, stockings on her back legs, and a feather duster in her mouth. "mgmmhpp?!"

You needed a towel, that was a little more sexy than you realized. Discord looked over to you, with a devious smile "Oh my Anon, are you getting sicker? I can sense your temperature rising"

You felt a little nervous. You felt turned on from this. "Uh..yeah. I guess uh… yeah."

"Ohhhhhhh, I see~. I'll leave you little lovers alone. Have fun you two. I have to go see a certain teacher to explain why you were absent today. And for proof..." Discord snapshots a picture of your sick self. You had spots on you that you hadn't noticed. "There we are… tata!" Discord waved and poofed away before you could answer. leaving you to Chrysalis.

"You're sick...." She says to you in disgust

"Yes..I am, Discord sort of did this as a punishment. So, why is he doing this to you?" You were still smirking, and… eyeing her.

You had a mix of emotions in you. You felt confident, maybe because of what you did for Starlight. Mixed with the fact that you finally did something right from beginning to end, and you felt you could do more than you ever could before. It also helps that Discord set this up.

"Don't patronize me, and you knew what I meant. You don't think I can't taste that lust off of you?"

You shrug. "Never bothered you before"

"....." Chrysalis stays silent, she didn't want to admit that she did it to try to control you, because if she admitted that, she'd also inadvertently admit that she's being manipulated now.

"Come on" You cough a little. "Just relax, maybe if you do. We can actually be friends. I still think we can."

Chrysalis scoffed. "As if." Chrysalis started heading towards the floor door, holy crap, Discord even put panties on her. U-unf… despite what he did to you… he was also clearly pandering to you, they were even green striped, green like the color of her eyes. "As long as you refuse to follow my command, then we can never be "friends". And now that Discord is gone, I… can… ngh… NGH!" She was trying to magically open the door, but it refused. "...he didn't"

You laughed "Oh man, he locked the door?! that's awesome!"

But Chrysalis growled as she blasted the door with the strongest shot she had......and it did nothing.

".....Of course.......at least I can get out of this...ngh....NGH!" She tried ripping off the clothes with her magic, but that too, was to no avail.

Even tearing them off with her teeth proved ineffective, the outfit simply wouldn't come off. It became clear what was going on. Maybe, you should never hazard a definitive guess when it comes to Discord. But maybe he just wanted the two of you to bond. Or try to tear each other apart. Who knows.

You did know this though. Your little adventure with Starlight showed you that being indecisive, panicky, and worried was probably not the best way to approach some situations. You went into the town expecting them to get angry, or explain to you that you were caught up in a lie, but nope. They had essentially been waiting for that kind of news. And then there was Starlight herself, she could have ran off with the horn and fucked up Equestria the next day. And the only one to blame would have been you. But she stuck to it, and even returned the horn. Maybe, just maybe. You could learn to brave through things you thought you normally couldn't. Hell, even being made sick wasn't so bad. If only because Chrysalis in that maid outfit was just… unf. Even her anger added to it.

While she was doing that, you looked to your dresser where Discord left your homework. You wondered what it could be. "Hey Chrysalis, can I ask you for a favor?" You ask nonchalantly, you might as well try to ask her to get it for you, you didn't feel like getting up.

Chrysalis stopped her attempts to look at you, and then scoffed at the audacity of you asking her anything. "No, whatever it is, you can do it yourself. And if it's THAT kind of question. Then sure… with my mouth… with teeth."

Ugh, that was cringeworthy. That's not the way you wanted your first time with a pony, changeling… whatever to go. Luckily for you, you just wanted the homework. Maybe if she heard you out. "It's nothing like that. Can you just hand me my homework. I'm feeling pretty bad. I don't want to get up, grab it, then puke on it. Please?"

That was the best you could do. Yeah, you just laughed at her. But maybe, just maybe. She had a sympathetic side?...Maybe?

Chrysalis walks over to the paper, and hovers it in front of her eyes. Taking a read as she snickers. "I could just tear it to pieces, you being viewed as a failure would make my day."

You raise an eyebrow at her, seriously? She's sunk that low? "Really? You're going to take me getting an F as a winning blow? You do know I could just make it up with an A, right?"

That made Chrysalis grumble, making her even realize how pathetic that sounded, she tosses over the paper to you. "Here, I hope you choke on it."

You take the paper and take a brief look at it before replying to Chrysalis… Seemed your homework was Nightmare Night related. "But… I'm not going to eat this. I'm not a dog."

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT!" She barked at you, she was so frustrated. And so uncomfortable with what she was wearing. Being stuck in the room with you, even unable to destroy you or at least shut you up. "When did you get so smug...?"

"I..wouldn't really call it smug, I just feel more comfortable than usual. Knowing you can't kill me helps."

Chrysalis tried opening the portal door, it opened, but to a brick wall. Upon happening onto the wall, she speaks in a calmer, more monotone tone. "Of course… no way to leave whatsoever." She then turns to you, to continue the conversation, giving up on any other attempts of escape. "And yet knowing that before didn't make you so comfortable around me. You were always nervous, or cowardly. What changed? Or is it just me wearing this ridiculous outfit?"

Knowing what it is, you would hope your next words would calm her down. Maybe get her to ease up, and try to have a more normal conversation with you without manipulation involved. You still wanted to try to make her more friendly. She was definitely going to need if she was going to be your sister. Though, you didn't know the full extent of how capable she was an actor. You were pretty sure you could always spot her if she took the form of one of your friends, like she did Diamond Tiara.

"No, it was my time with Starlight. That pony you saw earlier. You see, she was a villain who, as I saw, was rising up to achieving her goals. She had her own town. And if things had went her way, she would have had Equestria under her control. But she was stopped by Twilight."

Chrysalis rolls her eyes "No surprise"

"Well, that's the way things go. But interestingly enough. That wasn't the end of her. She was ready to get her revenge. She had so much stuff in there. She even was working on a time travel spell using a scroll. I think she was going to mess with time itself, probably to make herself the ruler of Equestria and achieve her goals."

Chrysalis then became intrigued. "A scroll you say? Did you happen to know exactly what it was? Or where it might be at this moment?"

...Probably wouldn't be best to mention where you THINK it even is right now. It was most likely still in the cave. "No, but. Look, my point is. When I showed up, I turned her into a filly"

Chrysalis was paying close attention to your words, hoping you'd slip something more interesting to her plans. "The same filly from last night, well then. That does explain why she was interested in my schemes. But what does that have to do with you and this increase in your bravery?"

"I'm not one hundred percent sure. But I think it was when I saw Starlight just start breaking down when I ruined her life's work. And then, realizing all she wanted was to be friends with somepony. That's all she needed. But she was scared, somepony had to step up to the plate and make things right. And that pony was me. I couldn't fail, she needed my help. And the way she put her faith in me like that. Well, I guess it made me realize being super cautious and worried about everything isn't exactly very attractive."

"How typical.." Chrysalis was not impressed by your story, she found it to be like the dime a dozen stories she had heard before about friendship. "Knowing she had a plan that could have changed the entire fabric of reality, and instead you chose the goody four shoes route. And for what? For the betterment of her and yourself? I'm disappointed in you, I would have at least hoped that a human would have some sort of lust for power. I've sensed it in you before, it's one of the reasons I was more willing to be your friend. In fact… I still sense that in you"

Well, that's interesting. You don't remember having a lust for power. "What do you mean by that? Didn't you say before you didn't actually care for my friendship?"

"Anon, I want to be absolutely clear when I say this. If you would choose me over Discord, I would be more than happy to be your friend. You have the power to turn the entirety of Equestria over in one fell swoop. And yes, that horn only works once a day. But that's where I come in. A swarm of changelings to finish the job would ensure our victory over the ponies. And we could rule over all of Equestria… together. Imagine it, you could let out all those repressed emotions you have. That lust, that hate, there's so much hate in you Anon..."

Chrysalis started to speak softer, more seductively as she inched towards you, and that outfit didn't help. "What is it that makes a human have so much hate in their heart that they have to repress it? There's no single being in Equestria that can hold in those many emotions as easily as you. This could be your out, a way to let your true self come to light."

Ahh, the ole "true self" speech. Classic.

You smile and snuggle onto your pillow. "No dice, I like the way things are. All that stuff you mentioned, it was from the loneliness and cruelty of my old world. I would never give up the friendship I have. It's gives me too many fuzzy feelings. You really should try it sometime. I mean, think about it. You could just feed off the love of friendship a little, while still maintaining a healthy relationship with somepony you actually like. Instead of hanging out in some cave all day thinking about how you're gonna get back at a couple of princesses."

"What would I do with friendship? I don't know if you've realized it Anon but everypony is the same. Boring, annoying, and always, ALWAYS trying shove their positivity down other's throats. You cannot tell me the pink one is anything more than overbearing."

You shrug. "I think it's cute."

"You say that now because you come from another world that seemed devoid of friendship, but trust me. She can get very irritating, very quickly."

You remain unswayed. "You're not going to convince me Chrysalis. I think you're actually trying to avoid having a friend."

"Based on what, exactly?" She had a point, she only appeared in a two parter. You had nothing to go on. But you didn't want to believe she was just straight out evil.

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