• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 49

"Heya Anon! Did you come for the hat sale?" Lyra asked with a cheerful smile. Well, that explains the small gathering. There was a sale.

Well, considering you were feeling better. You guessed that's what you were there for. You nod. "Yup, came to find me a cool and stylish looking hat."

Bonbon smiled, she was happy to hear in your tone that you were no longer in a slump. "A cool and stylish looking hat, huh? Did something change? Or do you just want to impress somepony?" Lyra teased

"Oh no no, I just want to try on hats and find one that looks really nice on me."

"Ooohhhh, I getcha." Lyra nods, then looks to Bonbon "What kind of hat are you gonna get Bonbon?"

Bonbon smiled. "I was thinking we could get matching hats. I want to have the same and best kind of hat that my best friend would have"

"Oh. My. Celestia! I was thinking the same thing!" Lyra cheered

"Best friends!" They both cried as they gave eachother a hug. Cute.

You could hear the bustle of other ponies within the small crowd. Talking about what hats they want, or getting one to replace another. It seems the front door wasn't open. But you could see a meek mare inside with a greyish white coat. A green mane, and was wearing a red top hat. She was putting up a sign that said "All hats off between 50-75%! Only today. Last year's Nightmare Night's hats are 85% off." This sign got everyone excited as the shopkeep went to the door.

"Oh my gosh! Check that out! That's practically a steal! You'd think there would be more ponies around" Lyra smiled, excited that the doors were going to open soon.

"Well, the sale was only advertised yesterday. I guess not that many ponies need hats." Bonbon added, she wasn't as jumpy or bubbly about this as Lyra

"Why so cheap though? Surplus of hats?" You asked

Bonbon nodded "That's my guess since the sale includes hats from last year's Nightmare Night."


You shouldn't be surprised. Most ponies you've seen don't even wear clothes. You only really saw a bigger mass of clothes wearing ponies in Canterlot.

And with that, the doors finally open as a rush of ponies rush into the door. You nearly get trampled until you feel yourself get lifted up into the air. "Ahh! What, huh?!"

Lyra's horn was glowing, she gave an annoyed look at the crowd "Sheesh, talk about a morning rush. You ok, Anon?"

You look down on her, awww… She protected you from being mushed. You nod at her and smile "Thanks Lyra, yeah I'm fine."

Bonbon shook her head "I swear, sales like these brings out the worst in ponies"

Lyra gently puts you down and looks towards her friend "I know, but let's not let it put us down. Come on, Let's buy some hats!"

The three of you enter the hat store. And… there was actually quite a wide selection to choose from. The store itself was cozy with red carpet and red painted walls with a small chandelier on top. It seemed to go with the shopkeep's Red top hat. She herself was at the register, already dealing with customers.

The hats themselves were plentiful. Top hats, caps, bowler hats, fedoras, bonnets, Adventurer hats like Daring Do or Indiana Jones, cowboy hats, and even party hats. In the Nightmare Night section were things like knight helmets, witch's hats, tiaras and crowns, Wonderbolt replica goggles, and even a few masks.

"Wooooooow! I don't even know where to start!" Lyra was looking every which way, she was so giddy

Bonbon was slowly scanning the shop "Well, let's just look through it one by one until we find the one we want.. hmmmnn..." Bonbon picks up a Fedora and shows it to you "How about this Anon, it looks pretty classy"

You hold back a cringe, and just smile nervously. Nope, you learned the curse of the neckbeard when it came to those things. "O-oh, it looks classy… but ummm, I'm looking for something just a little different."

Bonbon shrugs "Suit yourself"

Lyra was quickly trying on hat after hat. She put on a sun hat with a green ribbon around it and looked in the mirror… aww… with a white sun dress she'd look adorable. "Bonbon, Anon! Lookie lookie! Don't I look great in this?"

She turned to the both of you with a radiant smile that matched the look of the sunhat. Unf...

Bonbon nodded with a smile "That looks great!do they have one with a ribbon that matches my mane? I wouldn't mind wearing one of these during a hot day."

Lyra could only see ones with green ribbons. But she just continued smiling "Nope, but it's not like we can't just add that ribbon ourselves. What do you think Anon?"

"It looks really nice Lyra. It actually looks really cute on you."

Lyra's smile became a little more of the sensual sort as she giggled "Cute huh? Are you sure you don't have a crush on me?"

G-geez, come on. Don't do that… unf. You blush and start looking in different directions as to not focus on her face, She was giving you the bedroom eyes. "N-no, I just think it looks cute."

Both Bonbon and Lyra giggled. "Come on Lyra, don't tease him. If you keep that up he might really get a crush on you. And if that happens, then what are you going to do?"

Lyra giggled "I don't know, but it would be nice to have a box of chocolates every now and again."

Bonbon laughed "Lyra, that's terrible!"

...Oooogghhhh… You were getting them funny feelings. You wouldn't mind sticking your colt dick into Lyra at all… If only she was serious about it. Agh… Lewd thoughts. You had to turn away completely and just look at some random hats. "I'm uhh...just gonna look for a hat for myself."

Lyra laughed, she was just having fun with you. Nothing mean. But she may have overdone it a little. "Ok Anon, me and Bonbon our going… wait… Do you have any money on you to get a hat?"

You turn your head and nod. While in the corner of your eye, you noticed something peculiar at the window.

"Yup, and looking at these prices. I can definitely afford anything here. " You take your time browsing as Lyra and Bonbon get in line.

As you search, you look out the window… You thought you saw the CMC chasing down Diamond Tiara… Nah… That's insane. "huh..."

You go back at browsing through hats and pick up the indiana jones hat and try it on. "This… this would be the only fedora I'd wear… but eh.." You put it down. "Still...I need something better..."

You continue to browse. You didn't need a top hat. You already had one of those… hrnn… You wondered how Lyra would react if you wore that little ensemble of class Discord gave you.

Hrnnnn… So many to choose from. You try a regular baseball, or… hoofball cap on. It's white with a black trim and end. You twist it backwards and look at yourself in the mirror. "Totally 90s.."

It didn't look that bad actually. It was simple and seemed to compliment your own cuteness. And it was one of the cheapest things to buy. Yeah, you'll take this one.

You head over to the Nightmare Night stuff. You were sure you didn't need any of these, since Discord probably would whip you up something that would be exactly as you described.

Then you notice something. There was a horn. It looked like Sombra's. It could have been the one that broke. But looking at the string connecting to it's sides meant that it was you were supposed to attach it to your head. It was definitely a replica. Still....even with the 85% off. It was pretty expensive. You wondered why. Kind of made you want to buy it. You open your saddle bag and get the pouch of bits and start counting. Yeah, Discord was pretty generous with this. You had enough. That was cool of him to give you that much money when he didn't have to. Then again… he probably never needed money.

You take the horn and walk up to Bonbon and Lyra. They let you into the line, and the other ponies around don't seem to protest. good good. "Well, I'm gonna get this cap and this Sombra horn."

Lyra looked at the Sombra horn "What's with the horn Anon? That isn't a hat"

You shrugged. "It was from the Nightmare Night section. Thing's pretty expensive too even with the huge discount."

Bonbon rubbed under her muzzle, perplexed "That's weird, it's just a silly looking horn. I wonder why it would cost so much."

"Dunno… just gonna ask the shopkeep about it when it's my turn to pay" And with that you three wait.

As you wait, Lyra magically slips her sunhat on you and has a bit of a giggle. mentioning that you looked pretty girly with it on. You laugh a little, but feel embarrassed enough to take the sunhat right off and put it on her head instead. Nuh uh, you weren't no girl.

After Lyra and Bonbon got their sunhats, it was time for you to pay. You put the Sombra Horn on the counter and ask the shopkeep about it.

"Excuse me ma'am, what's with the price on this horn?"

The meek young mare with the silly red top hat looks at it, then at you. She looked nervous. Not about the horn, but in general. "That's a magically infused horn. You put it on your forehead and give it a tap and it creates an illusionary ethereal mane and dark magic filled eyes. Of course, the illusion isn't complete unless you get a costume with it too… Sad nopony bought it, everypony was big on the whole Tirek thing that nobody cared about poor Sombra..."

Suddenly everybody gave the shopkeep an odd, shocked look. She looked left and right nervously "I-I meant about the horn...n-not the actual Sombra." With collectives "ohhs" and "ahh rights" they went back to their business.

"So… if I just put it on my head, I'll look all evil and stuff?" You ask.

The shopkeep nodded. You started to think on why you'd even need the horn. Actually, you could probably use it for something… maybe even ask Discord to give it a few enhancements… for reasons.

You buy the cap and the horn and put the horn in your saddlebag as you put the cap on your head and slip it backwards… Totally 90s. The three of you, with no more business to attend to, decide to walk out. walking in a seemingly aimless direction.

Lyra looks to her friend with a smile "I can't wait for you to get that ribbon on your hat Bonbon, I won't even wear mine until you do!"

Bonbon had carefully slipped her sunhat into her saddlebag and looked to her friend. "I might get a ribbon from the Carousel Boutique. I'm sure Rarity would have a ribbon that naturally blends into my mane colors "

Lyra nods "That's a great idea!, Rarity always has the highest quality ribbons!"

You had no way to join in on this conversation really. So you just pondered to yourself. You were feeling better now of course. You had a neato horn, this hat, and a fucking grappling hook. A GRAPPLING HOOK! But still, you were still a little bothered by Spoiled Rich, but not enough to ruin your mood.

And then there was, what you thought you saw, was Diamond Tiara running from the CMC. But that's just fucking insane. If anything,they'd be running away from her. You could have sworn you even heard singing.....crrazzzyyy

It seems the duo had actually decided to go to the Boutique. Bonbon looked at you, she wanted to say something on how you were feeling. But she didn't want her best friend to catch on. So she decided on some light conversation. "So Anon, are you going to get any alteration on your cap?"

You shake your head. "Maybe, I wouldn't mind my name being on the front of it."

Bonbon giggled. "Isn't that a little narcissistic?"

You shrug and smirk. "Well, I like to think of myself as great sometimes."

"Well I think you're pretty great. We all get along so well! And you're one smart cookie Anon. Don't let anypony tell you different" Lyra added.

Hah… You were sure the only other pony who would call you a smart cookie anyway was Pinkie Pie. Which, you had to hang out with at sometime at some point.

The three of you reach the Carousel Boutique, Bonbon goes and knocks on the door. But no answer "Hmmm, that's weird. She's usually always here at this time"

Lyra shrugged "Maybe she's busy. She is one of Princess Twilight's best friends and I've seen her running around a lot more lately, maybe she's helping Princess Twilight with setting up the Friendship Festival?"

Bonbon took a moment to think, and then nodded "Yeah, that's probably it. Darn, and I really wanted that ribbon."

You are staring up at the sky, the sun was pretty ways away from being straight up, all that walking from place to place and being at the hat shop really ate up some time. It was afternoon already.

"Hey, what time is it?"

They both shrugged, they didn't have any timekeeping device on them. Lyra looked up at the sun, then back at you "You got somewhere else to be Anon?"

You nod. "Yeah, told a few friends of mine I'd be at their place after they got out of school"

Window Washing… oh boy…

Bonbon and Lyra nodded to themselves. "Well, don't let us keep you. Go meet up with your friends." Bonbon said

Lyra came up to you and gave you a hug "You take care Anon, don't go finding any more bad guys to beat up now."

Awww, you hug her back… she's so sweet. "I won't, and thanks again for the grappling hook Bonbon, I promise to take good care of it!" You turn and rush off as you hear Lyra getting surprised about Bonbon giving away her Grappling Hook.

As you walk off, you pull out your map. again, the clubhouse was there but not marked. But the Apple Family Farm was marked and definitely easy to find. You'd have no trouble finding the Treehouse on your own.

After some time, you reach the farm and crossover without being noticed by any of the apple family members… actually. You didn't see any of them around the farm. Then again...besides Applebloom, theres only three apples. And the farm was huge. They could be at the orchard.

You make your way to the Treehouse and rise up the sloped boards to the door. You take a look around to see if their was any equipment for window washing. None..

"Huh… stuff must be inside." You knock. "Hey girls, it's me Anon!"

You hear Applebloom from across the door "Anon?! Heya! Come in, come in! Me and the girls got a surprise!"

...She sounded… Really excited, what… for Window Washing? How desperate were they?....So simple minded.

You chuckle to yourself, and open the door. "What? Did we get some super good cleaning gear for the window wa… hmm?”

You noticed there was no equipment inside either. And the girls were just standing there, they looked ready to explode. They were standing in a row. Angling themselves in such an odd way that you could only see their faces and front. Maybe they hid something behind them?

"Umm..What's up girls?"

"Anon! We got some super good news!" Scootaloo cried out in mirth

"The best kind of news ever!" Sweetie Belle said next

"The best of best news, and the best part of it is now we can definitely help ya get your Cutie Mark too Anon!" Applebloom said with a bounce to her step.

You shift your eyes to the left and right… what?

"Uhmm, you mean… we get our Cutie Marks… right?"

The hell was going on?

"Alright girls, let's show him!" Applebloom cried out. They all shifted to show you their flanks.


......C-cutie Marks......


You… you didn't know what to say, what to feel… h-how?! "..A-are those real?"

Scootaloo nods "Mhmmm! We just got them today!"

"We can't wait to tell ya how we got them Anon, and the best part is what they mean… even for you. You'll have your Cutie Mark in no time flat!" Applebloom said with a wide smile.

...No… What could this mean? This had to be something you did… this… was a major break in status quo. You felt like gargling at the mouth at what you thought you done. You must have changed the timeline somehow for this to have happened. And if you did, who knows how badly it was changed?!

Your mind just passes through scenes super quick. To the point where you think that a villain might be able to win and destroy the Mane 6 just because of something you did. You were like homer in that old treehouse of horror special where he went back in time. You were horrified as to what this could mean.

"A-anon? Are you ok? Aren't you happy for us?" Applebloom said, her smile turning to a frown as she noticed you just frozen there.

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo catch on and frown themselves.

"Hey, if you're jealous or something. Don't be, we didn't mean to make you mad" Scootaloo said

"Yeah, we didn't know this would happen either. And now that it has, we don't mind at all helping you get a Cutie Mark. We are all still Crusaders. So don't worry ok?" Sweetie Belle added.

...You almost don't hear them. This… this was too major a change.This would have never happened on the show, there was still like two seasons or something left...

"Girls...ahrm..I..I need to go check on something. D-don't worry alright? I just forgot something and I'll be right back, ok?"

"You're not upset with us, are ya Anon?" Applebloom said, she was feeling pretty bad now.

"W-what, n-no no. This… this is uhh… a really cool and neat thing… but I really REALLY… gotta go check on something" You edged near the door and opened it. "Don't go anywhere ok?... U-uhhh, just uhh, come up with... something to do for when I get back."

The three of them nodded, but that didn't boost their mood. But it did give them a huge resolve to think of something for you to help you get a Cutie Mark.

You go through the door, bust out your map, and beeline towards any body of water you could find. You had to find Discord, and find out what the fuck went wrong and what it could mean. They had their Cutie Marks… hell… you could have made DT's mom just pop out of thin air. This whole thing, christ, Equestria's dimension could be tearing at the seams now!

Gyaahh!... You had to get back home, post haste.

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