• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 238

Author's Note:


Applebloom talks
Discord talks
And Anon is behind a door

You rushed over to the clubhouse. As fast as your little legs could take you. Goddammit....what could the captain be planning? He has to have been hiding there for awhile...is he waiting for the CMC? These thoughts race through your mind as you hoof it as quick as you can.

You reach the clubhouse, out of breath, huffing and puffing as you get to the door. "Dammit..w-what is he planning?...ngh" You don't even hesitate to knock on the door. You just walk right through. Ready for anything.

"...And that's why ah gotta talk with him when he's alone, ah gotta t-HMM?!" Applebloom turns around, staring at you as you stand there ragged, she was at a table with the captain at the other side of it.

When the captain gazes at you, his tail wags. "Anon! You're here for some reason! Did you come to fight to the death?"

"What?! NO!" You growled. "I came to see what you were up to!"

Only Applebloom and the captain was here for some reason. And...if your ear caught it correctly. it seemed Applebloom was having a conversation with him...about you. "Oh...erm, I came to feed on love and visit my friends! The queen wanted me to learn how to sneak around and understand pony movements better. So I thought just hanging around my friends would help" The captain said with joyful ignorance

.......Goddammit. He's so stupid and naive. "....Ok...good to know you're honest. But, wait...Applebloom. did you know he was doing any of that?"

Applebloom nods "'course, but he don't seem so bad. And...Anon...what are ya even doin?"

"I came to see what he was doing!" You pointed at him

"And I just told you what I was doing...so can we fight now?" He smiled happily as he wagged his tail in excitement


"....Mnnn" The captain's ears drooped as he looked down with puppy disappointment. "Oook..."

"Anon...ah know the captain is a changeling an all, but he's not a bad one. He's just like a foal who has an evil mom" Applebloom explains.

"...Awww....Applebloom, you say the nicest things about my queen." The captain wipes his teary eyes.

.......Good christ almighty. Were you the only one who saw the absurdity in all this? Then again, this was friendship land. You should be used to this by now. You were probably just thrown off due to the runt's various murder attempts.

"Alright....I get it..ok..so then.." You shift your eyes left and right as you begin to calm down. "...So, what are you doing here alone? Where is Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle?"

"They went home, so did I. Ah mean, the clubhouse is right by the farm. Ah sorta just wanted to be alone actually, then ah found the captain waiting inside..and ahm...ah started talking to him about you." Applebloom started to feel pretty nervous

"......" You looked towards the captain. "What about?"

"Well, since he lives with you and all, ah asked him how you were like when yer at home..." Applebloom said.

The captain then nodded to that. "She did, I told her how you're always trying to balance your life. it's always something with Discord, the queen, your aunt..oh! oh! I even told her about the ex-captain."

You wince....could he also have?...No, he couldn't have told her about you being human. Applebloom would be acting very different if he did. "Oh that...what exactly did you say?"

"He said ya handled him pretty good until ya tried to run away like a wimp. Ah don't think it was wimpy to run away though. He sounded very tough" Applebloom states. She seemed chilled that it happened, but relieved that you were ok.

Wimp?! "Oh come on! I wasn't trying to run away! I was going for my horn! You're the idiot who nearly got us killed!"

"...No" The captain shifts his eyes left and right, feeling that you might be right, but his pride told him you weren't. "It's not my fault you just didn't dive into him to attack and destroy"

"Except that's exactly what nearly got you killed...remember?" God, he's dense.

".....Sorta? I mean, I never fought the ex-captain when he was a weirdo freak before. My timing was off...that's all" The captain could feel his pride cracking. he let out a doglike whimper as he began to back down.

"Anon...is it really that important? Ah already think what ya both did was brave. And ahm glad you're both ok. Ah don't wanna seeya both argue. yer being a little mean actually. Look at him.. Anon, ah dunno if you know this. But the capEEP!" Applebloom is silenced as the captain jumps across the table to put her paws around her mouth.

"Don't say it! It's a secret! it's a secret!" He panicked.

Applebloom stopped, and waited for him to remove his paws before apologizing. "Sorry...ah forgot you told me to not mention it. Won't happen again...actually. Anon..there's somethin' we really need to talk about."

Oh no...here we go again… You sigh. "Applebloom, this isn't about you,me, and Diamond Tiara..is it?"

Applebloom nods. "It is but.." She now sounds a little more frantic, she wanted to convince you it was different. "But ah gotta tell you that things have changed, ah get things now, ah really do!"

She "understands"? "Uhm...ok..erm..should he be here for this then? Because Applebloom, look...we've been through this before, and I just don't want this to end up ugly again."

"It's fine, really. And the captain can stay, ah was already tellin' him ah was gonna do this."

So that's what they were talking about.... Was that his scheme? Get her more in love with you to feed from it? "Applebloom..."

Applebloom raised her hoof, and looked at you with the earnest feeling of wanting to get what she wanted to say out. "Anon, wait, just wait a second. ah really really gotta say this....ok" She takes a breath "Gonna let me talk?"

......You eye the captain, who just sat there, waiting. But Applebloom looked like she was getting impatient....whatever, you couldn't do this dance anymore. after she was done, you'd just have to break her heart..and hard this time. Her stubbornness was just causing too many problems...poor girl. "Yeah, I'm good."

"Good....Anon, ah been thinkin'. A lot....well, ah was thinking after that whole lesson thing yer dad did. Ya see, when ah was an adult....ah realized being bossy and trying to do whatever ah want....didn't feel good, and just made me all meanlike. And it got me thinkin'. Well, ah realized that chaos and doin' whatever ah please just wasn't for me. And then ah thought about you, and all the chaos n' stuff ah must cause ya whenever ah get all fluttery." Applebloom started to get nervous, turned her head, and rubbed the side of her leg with her hoof. "Ah guess what ahm sayin' is that ah now understand that all ah been causin' you is a big ole headache. And all ah was doin' at this point was just tryin' to steal you away...it ain't right. It ain't ever right to try to take somepony's special somepony. And that's why Anon...ah gotta say...ahm over ya now." She says with a happy smile, but then winces "...But we all can still be friends...right?"

......Woah. "Ahm..yeah, yeah of course we're still friends...it's just..wow, I'm.." Ohh hold on Anon, don't spoil the moment, just agree with her. "I'd love to stay friends, I am a cutie mark crusader...sorta...ya know what I mean"

Applebloom giggles and nods "Yeah, ah know. Never thought yer dad could actually teach me such a good lesson, that was pretty neat. And.." Applebloom looked at the captain with a smile. "Ah bet you helped too by eating right? Ah feel like it made it easier, since ya know. ahm not supposed to be lovin' him anyway."

The captain saluted. "I don't know if it helped. But I was definitely eating! If it did help, then I'm glad! Helping my friends makes me feel very good inside!"

"Awww" Applebloom giggled, she thought he was adorable. "Thanks captain" She salutes. "You're a credit to..erm..your friends!"

The captain was beside himself, smiling like a cute idiot. "Yay! I like helping my friends! It makes me feel so nice!"

He really wasn't so bad at all. He was just as loyal as he was friendly. He really was just a little kid who needed the right influence. "I'm glad, so that means you're gonna drop the whole "Destroy me" thing...right?"

The captain shook his head. "Nope, friendship has nothing to do with my queen's honor. It still has to happen. I'm ready whenever you are!"

.....Ugh. "N-no...just...not today..." You then turn to Applebloom, and give her a soft smile. "Applebloom....thanks. I know I don't act like it sometimes. But I value our friendship"

Applebloom smiles back, she was glad to hear that. She had hoped the friendship wasn't damaged between you and her. "Thanks Anon....ya wanna join us for lunch? We didn't get to eat at school an-"


Applebloom gets startled "What? What about it? School's over."

It wasn't really about school though, it was Twilight. "N-no, I gotta go I mean. I gotta get to my aunt's place and fast. Twilight is heading over there and I have no idea what could happen. I need to get there and there's no time to explain!"

"O-oh! Hold on a second then!" Applebloom rushed over to her bag and pulled out a apple juice box.

"W-what? Applebloom..I said...hn?"

Applebloom dropped it on the ground and smashed it with her hoof. creating a good sized puddle. "Yer map thing works by throwing it into water, right? Will apple juice work too?"

Oh holy shit..she was a genius! "Yeah! it should...thanks Applebloom!" You quickly take out your map and toss it into the juice, opening the portal.

"That always looks so cool when ya do that Anon" She peers into the puddle shaped portal that led into your room. "Ah kinda wish ah had somethin' like that"

"Well...Scootaloo does have my wings..so" You walk over to the portal. "I can ask my dad about making another map..but I really gotta go. Thanks, and seeya Applebloom....and captain? You take care too, ok? No evil scheming..got it?"

The Captain salutes. "Got it!....unless my queen asks me to do evil scheming"

You didn't have time to argue. "Good enough...seeya both!" You waved to them as you dived into the portal. Thankfully, thanks to Discord, that went much better than you ever could hope for. But now was the big thing. Twilight being over judgmental once again.

You waste no time in hopping through and going immediately to Fluttershy's through the portal door. And upon coming to the front door. You could hear voices coming from inside. ...Discord, Twilight, and Fluttershy

Shit....ok, so things were already underway. pretty obvious they would be considering how long you took. You decide to shift tactics and run along to the side of the cottage to find a window.

It was a tad higher than you could reach. But, you didn't need to reach to listen. Hell...you had a good idea, since you could barely hear anything.

You slap on your horn...but it doesn't change. "..Shit..that's right. Chrysalis already used it for the day.....goddamn stupid mutant captain"

You instead opt to just put down your saddle bag as a small step and hop to reach the windowsill, but without fingers, you lose your grip and fall backwards and land on your head. "n-ngh..dammit!"

Whatever, you rush back to the front door, plant your ear on the door, and listen in. "....And what exactly is wrong with my son?" You hear Discord say, in a small expression of protest.

"He's openly disregarding the lessons he learned while he was staying with me" Twilight states.

"And you gathered this from being part of a history lesson? Hmnn? I did tell him to act like me" Discord was very dismissive.

"Except he openly dismissed it as himself. Discord, what exactly have you been teaching him?" Twilight sounded very serious

"Discord, please answer the question. It's very important that I know too. We already know that you sometimes take Anon on trips." Fluttershy said in a low and gentle voice.

"Yes, and as I've said. We've done good when we do. Like with Mrs. Rich" Discord states

"And that's of what we know. And even then, I can only guess you just let him go out on his own as well. I'll admit, reforming Starlight is an amazing feat. BUT....could you imagine if she reformed him instead? Can you imagine what would happen if he got in over his head and got hurt? Discord, we ALL care about him. And even if he's not actually a troublemaker now, if he keeps on doing dangerous things on his own, he's going to become rebellious and egotistical or he's not going to come back at all. You're supposed to be his father, just because you don't set limits for yourself doesn't mean you shouldn't set it for him. I've even received a letter from Cadance that he's actually arrogant, and don't forget the fact that even Princess Celestia even had to punish him. He could have caused a war!" Twilight reminds him

Discord just chuckles "Oh....you mean like you nearly did with those yaks?"

"Discord!" Fluttershy snapped at him

"What? It's true!" Discord said.

"But that was different, Twilight was trying to do her duties as a princess. This is Anon continuously showing signs of being deceitful. That's not good Discord......I don't want Anon to be that way" Fluttershy said more softly...and sadly.

"I'm sorry Fluttershy, but Anon is who he is. We all know that a cutie mark dictates one's talent. And his happens to be part of his very personality. Buuuuuut, it doesn't mean he's a bad pony either. He clearly loves you enough to treat you with love and respect. And he's used his chaotic nature for good. In fact, that was part of the lesson I was teaching. You can't deny it Twilight, you saw all those foals...they weren't afraid, they were learning, they learned that chaos isn't always a good thing...when it comes to a pony anyway. I taught them that doing what they want when they want has consequences. So my son also knows through that lesson what happens if he uses his chaos for bad. And he didn't even really need it anyway. As I said, he knows well enough how to use his talent to help others."

"....And Discord" Twilight tries to sound sincere. "I actually agree with that, I'm actually happy about that. But Anon's talent IS chaos. Meaning that lesson doesn't apply to him. I know you know that. Letting him do what he wants is dangerous!" Twilight tries to tell him. "Both for him and everypony involved."

"....Discord, I agree. I love Anon, and I'm so happy that he's well behaved around me and others. But these instances where he acts out isn't good. And I know you've taken him on pranks, I don't know how many, but I don't think you ever let him know that when the prank isn't funny to the pony he plays it on, then it isn't really funny or good at all." Fluttershy says.

"...Oh, I see how it is. Well then, How about this?" Discord let's out a dark chuckle. "Under my care, and of course yours. Anon has been a fine colt. He's made friends, saved ponies, defeated villains, and even reformed them. That is true...right?"

"Yes, that's right..." Fluttershy admits.

"Now, let's consider this. Despite Anon showing...unfavorable signs of immaturity...at least to pony standards. He has been a good and loving colt. Now, let's look at his week with you Twilight. In that week, under both your watch and Celestia's discipline....he nearly got chewed up by a Chimera....right?" Discord says, his voice becoming more dark with every word. "

No response from the others.

"Right...now. Let's consider this. If Anon had his horn and was not diluted with harmonic nonsense. He would have defeated that Chimera on his own, with his horn, like he did those griffons back in Canterlot...I guarantee he would have. Anon has that cunning about him which he had lost when I got him back. If you want the truth, I had been working hard to undo the damage you have done to him Twilight...oh..I truly have"

You plant your ear closer. "..Holy shit...he can't...he is...he's just doing this to get a rise out of Twilight. he has to be. He just couldn't let the Spoiled Rich failure go....christ, he really wanted to get that rise out of her for helping with that"

Still no answer from the other two

"Fluttershy, please don't look upset. That wasn't my intention. I value what you teach Anon. In fact, you are what keeps him "Balanced". I don't know what I'd do without you. Whenever he mentions you, he is always so worried about you or he always wants to make sure you're smiling whenever he sees you. He especially loves your loving cuddles and sweet nature. But...Twilight, I can't say the same for you. You tried, that's commendable, even Celestia tried, even more commendable...but let's face it. Anon is NOT like any other colt. He was destined to be chaotic long before I found him. You cannot deny this, because y'know...Cutie Mark. Anon is so different he might as well not be from Equestria. That's probably why the poor colt had suffered for so long despite being so young. I took him under my wing because I could see what he was, I could see that he was a pony who wouldn't do well with the harmony aspect of Equestria, he's the opposite of that. To change that goes against his nature...again...Cutie Mark. But to nurture and love him, like dear Fluttershy, that is how we insure that even if he grows up to be mischievous, that he will still do what is right...and that’s all I have to say about that" Discord explains..rather impressively.

None of the ponies spoke. You pressed your ear harder...but nothing still.

"Twilight...no argument? No retort?" Discord says, a hint of arrogance he was trying to hold in.

"No....I...just don't know. I never even considered how different Anon really was. I did know he was different...just, not by such a degree. I only did what I thought was right. I didn't even consider his cutie mark's meaning until...you mentioned it. To know even Princess Celestia was wrong. Discord, I'm sorry. Fluttershy, I'm very sorry." Twilight sounded devastated.

"T-twilight....n-no. It's ok. You only wanted to better Anon. I didn't think of these things either to be honest. Discord, if I may ask. If you had this all figured out...why didn't you tell either of us?" Fluttershy meekly asked

"I thought it was trivial. It all seemed so obvious, at least to me. But, when it became clear that it didn't. I just let things happen because...to be quite honest, when was anypony actually going to listen to me, his father? When we have our dear Princess of friendship to right the wrongs I have apparently taught my son. If anything...I should be angry that Twilight nearly got him eaten. But I won't, because I know she was only doing her best. It's perfectly understandable...and I accept your apology." Discord says in a soft voice, acting as if he was both concerned and satisfied.

"...Thank you Discord...and I'm sorry for wasting everypony’s time. I'm going back to the castle. I want to just...sit back and contemplate. I need to reassess a few things...goodbye Fluttershy, Discord..." Oh holy hell, she sounded utterly devastated.

"G-goodbye Twilight...and please, don't think about it too much. Nothing was your fault. You know I'm not mad at you. And Discord isn't....it'll be f-fine..I promise" Fluttershy sounded unsure.

Wait...she said she was leaving?! You dive to the side as she opens the door. She doesn't notice you as she flies off.

"I'm afraid I must be going as well, Anon is probably a little confused after that lesson and I just want to clarify a few things with him. But don't fret, I think a night with you will also help balance things out as well. And besides, it always does his heart good to be with his aunt" Discord said, sounding VERY soft and caring.

"I understand, Discord...I trust you. I really do. And I can't wait to have Anon over....But, I'm also going to go. I just want to make sure Twilight is alright." Fluttershy says.

After that, they both started to exit the cottage. You peered from behind the open door as Fluttershy gave a gentle hug to Discord, and flew off after Twilight.

"......What did you think Anon? Have you ever seen Twilight so devastated from being wrong before?...Glorious..isn't it?" He says, as he still continues to wave goodbye to Fluttershy.

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