• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 69

Before the Crusaders even arrived. You realized Diamond Tiara just pretty much inserted herself in hanging with you after school. And you agreed to it. Lordy lordy, you should have paid more attention. And with the Crusaders coming up to you, you had to make sure to be cool, suave, and not upset Applebloom.

"Come on Anon! Let's go get you that Cutie Mark! We have the whole day to figure something out." Applebloom said in excitement, she knew… or thought at least, you wouldn't deny an opportunity to try to get your Cutie Mark now that school was over.

What to say… what to say. ugh, don't sugar coat it. Be direct, then when you get the chance. Confront her later. You were getting tired of pussyfooting about, "That sounds like fun Applebloom. But I really got to focus on this project thing. I really don't want to screw up my first project in school."

Applebloom began to frown "B-but school's over. Can't ya just continue tomorrow?"

You point over to the unfinished Twilight model. "That took me the whole day and I didn't even get it done, while Silver Spoon got three of the models done on her own. Yeah, I kind of need the practice."

The three of them took a look, Sweetie Belle making the most notable cringe and speaking. "Well… we know painting won't get you a Cutie Mark.

"Well then… maybe we can train ya in painting. That way ya can be ready for tomorrow!" Applebloom suggested in earnest

"Don't worry Applebloom. I've got that covered." Diamond Tiara said, a happy smile on her face , still ignorant to Applebloom's motives

"He was our friend first ya know.." Applebloom said, giving a rather condescending look over to Diamond Tiara.

"Our fr- wha? Applebloom. Are you sure you're ok? That doesn't sound like you at all" Scootaloo said, not even knowing where that came from.

"Yeah, and besides, we can't help him with painting if it's gotta do with the project, Applebloom. We aren't in his group. Let's just try tomorrow ok? When the project is over" Sweetie Belle put her hoof on Applebloom to try to get more of her attention. "It's not like Anon is going anywhere. Besides, we can't just try random things anymore. It never worked before. I've been thinking and… Don't you think it'd be better to try what Anon wants to try? We already have our Cutie Marks after all. Who knows, if we let him think on it. Then he'll probably have a really good idea that we can help him with. Ok? Applebloom?"

Applebloom stared at Diamond Tiara for a moment. A cold glare. Something Diamond Tiara was still not picking up on. Then Applebloom shifted her attention to you, she began to frown, almost. Then took a breath. "Ok… But Anon, ya better be chock full of ideas when ya come see us tomorrow, got that? Enough for the whole day."

Oh you would have more than that. You had to talk with her, you really did. Tomorrow would have to be it. Today… you might as well try integrating as a colt a little bit more. You can't avoid it. You'll never ever have the mare you want. And Diamond Tiara… She wasn't being bad, mean, or evil. She just wanted your time. You really felt more and more that just a little of that time wouldn't hurt. "I will Applebloom, I've got a few ideas in the works. And I know you three are the ones to go to to help me with em."

That should work. at least for now. Applebloom smiles, more happily than the other two. Who just seem happy that Applebloom is calming down.

Diamond Tiara looked to Applebloom however, and asked a certain question… a question that made your stomach churn. "Do… you think I could help Anon too? I know I'm not a crusader… but we're friends right?"

Applebloom. You could tell her stomach churned too. But she was too slow on the uptake from the initial shock.

"That's a really good idea! You managed to get a Cutie Mark before us, so you have some experience in being… uhh… a pony with a cutie mark." Scootaloo said, unable to think of a professional word for a pony with their Cutie Mark.

"Yeah… that would be great" Applebloom said, with a disheartened chuckle.

"Hehe!" Diamond Tiara giggled in delight, she looked like she was ready to bounce "Thanks everypony!"

"Well, we'll see ya tomorrow then Anon. You better get some good practice. I dunno how Discord is about grades… but, I can't imagine what'd he'd do if you got a bad one." Sweetie Belle said, though, as you thought about that, Discord probably mostly didn't care. Or maybe he did… he was always so confusing and changing his mind all the time.

"Yeah, and if you decide to be a good scooter rider, I got ya covered on that. Just don't break it..." Scootaloo said, already excited to hear whatever ideas you might have.

"Ya better show up tomorrow Anon, We'll be ready for anything ya bring to the table." Applebloom said, staring deep into your eyes. No, she clearly meant that you just show up… period.

With goodbyes, they leave, and you and Diamond Tiara gather your things. You thought about talking to miss Cheerilee… but you don't. You just bid her a happy goodbye and tell her it was a great first day.

So, if Diamond Tiara was going to help you anyway. Maybe just taking the paint supplies was a good idea after all. "I'm just going to take the paint stuff with us after all. Since you're going to help me. I can just give it back to you when we're done. Better this way anyway… sometimes my dad can be a little bit of a hassle."

You begin to close up and put the paints and brushes into your saddle bag. Taking care to keep them closed tight so they don't spill. You both then start walking out of the school.

"A hassle? I thought you and Discord always got along… Mmm, then again. I've never really seen you two together."

"He's fine, he can just be a little weird sometimes… about anything, but we get along most of the time. I wasn't lying when I said he takes good care of me"

"I never thought you were lying. You're very honest and brave Anon… I don't think any other colt would have stayed to fight those two… monsters, but you did, and you won."

You almost visibly cringed...brave? Maybe it was more stupidity and guilt. Honest? No. "Yeah, I guess I'm those things. So… where and what are we going to practice on. The figures are still at the school."

Diamond Tiara seemed to already have an answer for that. "I'm sure we can find something to practice on in your house"

"I think there's som… wait… my house?" YOUR HOUSE?!?!?

Diamond Tiara nodded to you, she was smiling… but there was a smidge of… love in there. "Yeah, you already seen mine. I wanna see yours."

Your house… "I, I dunno if that's.."

You stop your sentence as she moves in front of you, looking deep into your eyes as you step back. "Come on Anon! I really want to see! I bet it's totally cool!"

You started to sweat a little. "D-diamond, it's just, what would your uh… dad say?"

You keep stepping back as she keeps stepping forward "It'll be fine, he likes you remember? Come onnnn. Let me see!"

Oy geez, Her dominating side from pre-redemption was showing. "O-ok ok. Just relax. Trust me, there might be some things you might not want to see… or maybe there won't be… it always depends."

"Well, you won't let anything bad happen to me right? I mean, all we're going to do is practice painting, right? " Diamond Tiara looked deep into your eyes, looking to find the answer in them. Ohhh...geez.

"Right..." You chuckle nervously.

She stops her advance on you and turns away with a self satisfied smile. "Then nothing bad should happen. Everything will be totally ok."

Right. Well, she seemed inclined to see your home. You wondered if Discord was around. If he was, you'd have to keep DT in your room. You can't imagine Discord playing nice if he knew you had a girl in your room. "Ok ok, you convinced me. But I've warned you"

Diamond Tiara giggled at that remark. "I know you did… so, how do we get to your house?"

"Ahh, now that's something that's pretty cool to see… Hmmm… need a source of water though"

That got her curious "A source of water? Why?"

You chuckle a little. If she was so interested in seeing your house. And if you were even going to even try indulging yourself a little in this whole thing. You were going to have to relax. Time to begin… "It's a surprise. Hrnnn.."

You start looking around the surrounding area. You were only a little way aways from the school. "Does the school have a faucet or something?"

"On the side, why? Anon?" Diamond Tiara was pretty confused.

You head back towards the school and go to it's side, spotting the faucet and turning on the spout. "Trust me… it's going to be cool."

You eye the now enlarging puddle. Keeping an eye on it as you reach into your saddle bag for your map. Yeah, you were getting into this a little now. You eyed Diamond Tiara's confused face as you turned off the faucet. "Ok...ready to see something cool?"

Diamond Tiara was deeply confused. She almost thought you were toying with her suddenly. "Mmm-mhmm"

But no, you were just finally giving up on resisting. What was the point? All it would do would continue to make Diamond Tiara more curious, more pushy, and more enthralled with such a mysterious colt. Avoiding everything was only making things worse. You would just indulge in your feelings a little. You hoped this wasn't a mistake.

You toss the map into the puddle. And like several times before, The puddle changes into a portal straight into your room. You look to Diamond Tiara, who is speechless at the action. "Pretty cool huh?"

"I didn't know you could do that. That's… wow." She was in shock and awe.

"It's not much. The map did most of the work. It's something Dad gave me to get home whenever I need to. So uh… it's just a jump down in the portal to get to my room. I think we both gotta jump in at the same time though. The portal tends to close right after I jump in."

Diamond Tiara looked to you, then back at the portal, then back to you. She never had to jump in a portal before. But, she decided, if it was you, then it was safe. "Ok… how do I know when to jump?"

"I'll count. When I say three, we both jump in."

Diamond Tiara nods "Got it, ready when you are"

Ok… Should be easy. "One...Two...Three!"

The two of you make the jump. going from Ponyville to your room in an instant, both of you bouncing off your bed to either side as the map lands in the middle.

"Ok… ugh… don't usually bounce off the bed like that. You ok Diamond?" You get up slowly and look around, she must have bounced to the other side… and good… your floor door was back where it should be.

"Mhmm! I'm ok. That was exciting!" Diamond Tiara jumped to her hooves and took an eager look around "Daddy could probably make a fortune… well, more of a fortune… if he could make this portal thing a commodity"

"Probably..." You opened your saddle bag and started taking out the brush and the paint. You left the other things inside in case you needed them and put the map back in as well.

"What's this Anon?" Diamond Tiara calls out to you. Hrn? You turn over to her, she was inspecting your Grappling Hook.

"Oh, that? That's my grappling hook."

"Why do you need a grappling hook?"

You shrug. "I dunno, it was a gift. But hey, it could come in handy one day. You never know."

"Handy? Like, if you had to spy on something? Or escape from something?" Diamond Tiara never thought you'd have something like this

"Well, yeah, I guess that's what I'd use it for. But I've never gotten a chance to use it."

"Do you think you'll ever need it? You wouldn't go looking for more bad guys to fight right?" Diamond Tiara was hoping you won't, she didn't want you to get hurt

You shake your head "Nah, no, you don't have to worry about that."

Diamond Tiara felt reassured, she didn't want to think of you getting into trouble. She knew that you could pull off being extremely mean if you needed to. The way you threatened her before. She thought about it now and to her it seemed… exotic in a way. She'd never seen a pony, much less a colt… be so blunt. It was sort of exhilarating , in the way that she wondered what else you could do.

Then her curiosity shifted to something else "...Hrnn, what's with this door?" Diamond Tiara curiously walks over to the floor door. "Why is it on the floor?"

"Oh that? Oh this is pretty cool too. Take a step back"

Diamond Tiara complies, and takes a step back, keeping an eye on you. You know… you were getting a sense of enjoyment out of this. Showing someone else all the kooky crap in your room. "Ok… I'm going to open the door and.."

You open the door, and look down. Seeing the living room. You peek your head down for Discord… nowhere to be seen. Either hiding, or he was still at Fluttershys.

"It leads to a whole other room? Really? How are you supposed to get down there without hurting yourself?"

You smirk. "Here's the kicker… watch this!" You focus your mind on the gravity stairs and take a step down through the door.

To Diamond Tiara, at first she thought you were falling. "ANON! WHAT ARE YOU....d...-doing?"

You were just standing there, in mid air. "Just standing around, told you it was cool."

She was amazed by what she saw. You had to give her a little smirk as you trotted down the invisible steps. Now… now you were having fun. Yeah… it was… it was a good idea to just let it go. After being frustrated with the both of them. Just letting go just made things… easier. You look around to make sure there were no surprises, then look up at Diamond Tiara. "Wanna come on down?"

Diamond Tiara didn't even know how. She looked a little worried, even putting her hoof over the opening of the door and feeling nothing to put it on. "..I don't feel anything. How do I get down like you did?"

"Just focus and imagine there being some stairs, and that’s all there is to it. The rest will work itself out. Just move slowly though, the shift in gravity takes a little getting used to."

Diamond Tiara just stood there for a moment, pawing the air with her hoof. Doing her best to try to find some footing. "It's not working"

Hrnnn… was probably easier for you because you started from the living room rather than your room. "You just gotta believe Diamond, just believe and take a step. Trust me, it'll work"

"Just believe?" Diamond looks down at you, unsure of herself.

"Yeah, that should work I think. Just give it a shot."

Diamond started murmuring to herself "I just need to believe… just need to believe… I believe… if Anon thinks I can then..I can do it.."

You couldn't hear her, you were just wondering what was taking so long.

"Here I go.." Diamond Tiara takes a step forward "I BELIEAHHHHH!"

Oh shit… OH SHIT… she's falling. It didn't work! You just act automatically, and jump right under her. She lands right on your back as you let out a yelp. Oh, geez, that hurt.

Diamond bounces off of you. and falls to her side with a tiny squeak. "O-ouch… I, I guess I didn't do it right… what did I hit?" She looks over to you, and sees you groaning in pain. She puts her hooves over her mouth in horror and rushes over to you. "A-Anon..I didn't..I didn't mean to fall like that! A-Are you hurt?! Are you ok?!"

Nope… You push your upper body up with your front hooves and hear a small bone snap back into place… Ouch. "Yeah..peachy… ngh… just got surprised.."

Shit, what did she do wrong? Or did you explain it wrong? Oh right… she had to imagine the steps too… crap.

Diamond rushes over to you and helps you up back on your hooves, using her face under your chest to push you up. "I'm really sorry Anon, I thought… I guess I didn't do it right..."

You stretch your body like that of a cat. hearing one or two more snaps. You ached, but you'd be ok. Not like a full sized mare fell on you or anything… almost felt like it though. "No, I forgot to mention to focus your thoughts on some stairs. Doesn't work unless you do that too… ugh… I'll be ok though. S-soo, uh, this is the living room… sometimes it is anyway"

But Diamond cared not for your tour, she was sliding her hoof slowly along your back, looking for any wounds. "..Anon..wait..we have to make sure you're not hurt anywhere."

Ohhh… that felt nice but. "I don't think I have any open wounds Diamond. Trust me, it'll be ok."

Diamond focused on any spot of your coat that might be red "I'm just making sure, you can never be too sure. Daddy says it's always important to double check everything, sometimes triple check."

You were sure he meant on finances. But, you humor her and let her check you up until she was certain you were ok. "Find anything?"

Diamond Tiara sighed in relief, not a single mark on you or your coat. "Nothing, thank Celestia. I thought I might have really hurt you."

You shrug. "Hey, no worries. You know me, I'm a lot tougher than I look."

Yeah right. You've just been lucky or had Discord at your back. In a straight up fight, you'd probably get knocked the fuck out, zapped, burnt, or blown up.

Diamond Tiara couldn't fully agree, if only for the fact she knows what happened before "Don't say that, you ended up in the hospital even after you beat those two stallions."

Hmm… she really got spooked when she landed on you. You take a few steps and walk in a circle. "Well, I'm pretty ok now. See? Just needed to walk it off."

Diamond Tiara had a little trouble shaking off something was wrong. But… you seemed ok. You were walking ok… no… even if slowly. She began to accept that you were ok. "O-ok Anon. I believe you… but. Let's not walk into any more doors that are on the floor..."

"I'm fine with that. We kind of gotten off track anyway. We gotta get something to paint. I'm sure Dad won't mind if we pick off a little something..." You look around, the living room was pretty filthy. But despite the mess, there was nothing really to paint. Except… huh… you had an idea.

"Diamond, wait right here, I'm going to check the couch"

"Ok… why the couch though?" Diamond asked, it did seem odd. But, you were getting used to the chaos that surrounded you. Stuff always gets lost in the folds of the couch. One could only imagine the crazy shit that was in Discord's couch.

"Ponies always lose stuff in their couch… I think… so I'd only guess Dad loses all sorts of stuff in here..." You hop up on the couch and start reaching your hoof into the couch… oygh… probably not the best idea… it was goopy and gross. "Ommnn..ngh...mmnnnnn.."

Your hoof finally hits something solid. You do your best to grasp it and pull it out. And you fished out a… "What the… oh… come on.." It was a statue of Discord reaching into the couch. "That… ok, whatever, it's fine. I don't know why I'd ever expect any different."

You hop down from the couch and show it to Diamond Tiara "Will this work? It doesn't have any color on it"

Diamond Tiara looks at it, then your hoof "Anon..." Yeah… your hoof wasn't looking very clean.

"Yeah, give me a second." Luckily, the kitchen was connected to the living room. This time, not upside down. You walk over to the sink put your hoof under the faucet. You then turn it on. As sludge drips onto your hoof, making you pull away.

GODFUCKING "Right… again, why do I expect any different." You walk over to the front door

"Anon?...what are you doing?" Diamond was confused.

"Just trying to clean my hoof here, I'm just going to get this gunk off on the front porch. I dunno if Dad wants this on anything or not." You walk over to the front door

You open it to wipe your hoof on the front porch. Instead, you are greeted by a huge fucking eyeball. You turn white in fright..and slowly close the door. "r-r-r-r-right… w-w-w-hy do--... I.. e-e-expect.. any… d-d-d-different."

You then just wipe your hoof on the wall and walk back towards Diamond Tiara. "Ok… we're going back to my room now.." Yeah, fuck this and it's horrors.

"Anon… you look… did something happen? And, why did you rub that gunk on your dad's wall? Won't he be angry?"

You shake your head. "Diamond… trust me. And listen really close… when it comes to this house… you should expect anything to happen. You should just not do anything that has to do with anything unless it's in my room because that's the only normal place in the house."

"Ok… but" Diamond Tiara looks upwards "How do we get back up?"

Ok… This should work. "Try to imagine some stairs. Just… do nothing but that. Forget the believing in yourself thing and believe in the stairs."

"Believe in the stairs… ok, I'll try it" Diamond Tiara nods then looks up "Believe in the stairs.." She repeats the mantra and tries taking a step. It works!

"Anon, look. I'm doing it!" Diamond Tiara was pretty happy about this. Probably because she wasn't going to plummet on you again. She began to prance about on the invisible steps.

"Good job! but don't lose focus, or else you might fall again." You stay under her just in case she falls again… but no, she manages to get it right this time, if only because you gave her the wrong advice beforehand. You climb up the gravity stairs yourself now. And close the door. And take a breath, you were glad you didn't have to go back down.

"Your house is really interesting Anon..." Diamond Tiara looks out your window at the chaotic dark sky and floating islands. Despite it being eternal black, light shone into your room just the same. "Does it always look like that outside?"

You look out the window with her "Yeah it does. It's not bad, it's interesting to see what kind of stuff is going on every now and again."

"What kind of interesting stuff?"

"Anything really, whatever can happen CAN happen out there, that’s why it's usually best not to actually think about it. I don't think anypony else would enjoy this kind of scenery."

"Well, I don't mind looking. It's actually pretty beautiful. The way the snow comes out of that volcano and spreads all over. It's like a white burst from a firework that never disappears."

"You don't find this weird?"

Diamond Tiara shook her head "No, not really, it looks too pretty to be weird..." She yawns, and then leans on you. She was still tired. Maybe Silver Spoon was right that she should have taken a nap at home.

Still… You let her rest her head on you for a little while. And let your mind drift for a moment. You weren't having lewd thoughts at all. She was just… comfy. She really was trying hard to be nice. And doing a pretty good job, she really has done a good job of staying nice and non-cunty. You let her have her moment of rest.. "You ok Diamond?"

She just softly said "mhmmm" as she nuzzled her head on the side of your neck.

you took a small breath. You were still not fully used to this. You had no idea how to proceed.

"A..are we still going to paint this thing for practice?"

That does it, she snaps out of her love filled trance and quickly walks over to your saddle bag to pull out the paint and brushes. She notices the horn. but thinks nothing of it as she puts down the supplies next to the statue on the side of the bed, then hops up on the bed and looks over the statue from the side. It was adorable really. She was blushing the entire time while trying to seem like nothing was wrong. "I'll watch from up here and give you pointers and tell you if you're doing it wrong."

You walk over to the statue and plop down on your butt. It was about half the size of you. You reach with your mouth and pick up the brush and salute to Diamond. You were at the ready.

And so it began, you started the painting of the Discord statue. And at first, you were as bad as ever. Not as bad. But still not used to it. Diamond Tiara told you which colors to use on what. And verbally stopped you when you got something wrong. Every so often she sounded like her old self. Sometimes saying something a little mean like "Come on Anon, my grandma can do better!" But it was far and few between, her only saying it if you screwed up multiple times on a single spot. She didn't notice when she scolded you. And you felt it'd be unwise to point it out lest she spiraled into an apologetic spaz.

With each stroke, dab, and tap. You got more experience. And got better. The statue was a little bigger and more intricate than the Twilight model. But you manage to get the upper quarter done. With Diamond's tips and advice and your own growing skill.

You put the brush down on the ground and wipe your forehead. Woo… you even got Discord's eyes right, for the most part. "Check that out Diamond, pretty good for a newbie huh?"

No reply.

"Diamond?" You look up, you could see the tip of her hooves coming off your bed.

You stand up and look at the top of your bed. She had moved to a more comfortable spot and fallen asleep. You didn't know when… but it must have been a little before you finished as she had went silent. You thought it was because you were doing a good job, but no. She had just fallen asleep is all . She just laid there, sleeping. a small smile on her face.


She looked so peaceful. the most peaceful you've ever seen her. You'd have to either wake her or have Discord teleport her home at one point… but for now. You grab your blanket and gently put it over her and tuck her in… she looked pretty cute all snug like that. No doubt the bed's enchanted warmth had overtaken her.

You take a moment to open the portal door… it was still daylight. You close it, and look at Diamond and yawn… Maybe a little nap…

You slowly climb onto your bed and lay on your pillow like a cat. Laying down a little way aways from Diamond. Just a small nap. Then you'd go track down Discord in case she was still asleep.

And so, you snooze.

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