• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 87

You look at Big Mac with newfound determination. Big Mac looks at you, he gives you a smile only a gentle giant could give "Are you ready?"

You nod, it was still a little weird to hear him talk. But he did talk in the show. So eh. "Yeah, can I ask you a question though?"

Big Mac nods "Eeyup"

"What do you think of miss Cheerilee?" A random question to be sure. But now was as good as any to ask it.

Big Mac shrugs "She's a nice and well meaning gal"

Thats it? You expected him to blush, or get a little shy or something. Huh. Well, you were sure he likes her deep down. It's not like some other pony would show up that would grab his attention. "Ok then. Thanks for answering."

Pinkie jumped onto the ring and looked at both you and Big Mac with eager eyes "You both ready to go?"

You both nod and tell her yes.

"Alrighty!" Pinkie faces the small crowd. "Get ready everypony! Round two is about to..." Ding Ding! "GO!"

You start circling Big Mac. "You know, you could try just a little. Make things interesting. I'm not gonna get upset if you beat me. But I don't want to lose when you're just standing there."

Big Mac thought about it, he looked back at his team. Then at you. He seemed unsure.

"Just a little. Come on. I wanna see what you could do."

You did really. Nothing rough. But you know he's capable of ridiculous "Ed" like shit if the situation calls for it. You didn't want to be pummeled. You just wanted to see some fancy hoofwork. Big Mac still looked unsure, but he started to move opposite of you, keeping you in his sights.

"Oh wow! Big Mac is moving! Is he going to go on the offensive? This could be a whole different fight!" Pinkie announced

"Offensive? Applejack, ya don't think Big Mac would actually hurt Anon do ya?" Applebloom asked her big sister, worried.

Applejack shook her head and gave her sister a gentle look "Don't you worry none sugarcube, your big brother is probably just gettin' into the mood is all"

You kept your attention on Big Mac as he did the same to you. Ok, let's give it a shot. Since he still seemed reluctant to make an actual move. You'd make yours.

You rush to Big Mac, this time, you'd try some wrestling moves. You know what they say. ‘The bigger they are, the harder they fall.’ You side step to his side and jump towards it, raising your front hooves over his back so you could climb on it. You then reach all four of your legs around him to clamp him the best you could. And try tilting to the side to make him fall. "HRNNG, HAAARNNNNGH! HAAANNNGGH"

"Nonny is trying to wrestle Big Mac to the ground! I don't kn-WAIT. BIG MAC IS TILTING! HE MIGHT BE GOING DOWN AFTERALL!"

Wait, he was what? really?

You could feel a shift in gravity and slight movement. Yeah, he was go-GOING DOWN TOO FAST! Big Mac purposely tilts and falls to his side before you could properly react. Making you slam your side to the ring and roll and tumble a few feet across the arena.

Ugh, you yourself couldn't tell if you had done that or if he did. But before you could even get up. Something firm taps you on the side hard enough to make you fall the other way. "What? Wha-Ahh! agh!"

Big Mac had managed to get up over to your position and was lightly yet firmly pushing you around on the ground with his left hoof. He was messing with you like a ball. "Hey! gah! sthap! burf! That's! ngh! not! mrf! Fair!" Every attempt you tried to get up at was met with a push back to the ground.

"Looks like Nonny just became Big Mac's new beachball! Let's hope he doesn't use him for a game of Hacky Sack!" Pinkie called out

This looked like his way of trying. Dammit! There had to be a way to counter this.

You quickly think of something, and instead of trying to get up. You instead quickly turned towards him and latched on to his leg. Big Mac at first tried gently shaking you off. But as you held fast. He started shaking harder and harder.

"Oh! Oh! I know this move! Anon! You got his leg! Now all you gotta do is thrust yourself backwards to flip him over!" Scootaloo called out to you

Really? You give it a shot, and pullback as hard as you can. Nothing happens, well. Something does. He flicks you hard enough to get you off his leg. But not so hard enough that you couldn't quickly get up and bounce back on your hooves.

"Well that didn't work" Silver Spoon scoffed

"Well yeah, he was probably doing it wrong." Scootaloo said, underwhelmed by your performance.

You were getting tired again. This much physical effort was not something you were used to. Meanwhile Big Mac looked like he could go on for days. This was fine, this was ok. You already knew you weren't going to win. But dammit, just once. You wanted to get him down for the count.

You dash at him, but stop short of meeting right head first into him. You get up on your hind legs again and rev up your right hoof. And try a humanesque straight lunge smash right into his face. Hopping off your hind legs to make sure your hoof goes straight at him. But he does something you didn't expect. He parries your blow by moving his face to the side, then hits the side of your incoming hoof with his face. Giving you a spin right in mid air. He turns around into bucking position.

"BIG MAC DON'T! YA CAN'T DO THAT TO ANON!" Applebloom yells out. Getting scared at her brother's actions. But it seems he ignores her. and puts out his right back hoof. But he doesn't hit you. No, he catches you and flips you up on his back. Hops up to throw you to his front. Which he catches you with his right hoof. And then he tosses you gently forward. Back onto the mat.

"Oof!" That didn't even really hurt. But it made you dizzy enough that when you stood up. You were off balance.

"Wow, I never thought Big Mac could do things like that. I wonder why he never tried to go out for any sports." Sweetie Belle wondered, impressed with his hoofwork.

Scootaloo sighed, already accepting defeat. "Probably because he works the farm all day, kind of like what we're gonna be doing pretty soon." She puts her head down on the mat, outside the ropes.

Sweetie Belle coughed, and then put her head down in disappointment. The realization about what was soon to come. "Oh right. I almost forgot about that. Ughh, why did we even say that!? He's not gonna get his cutie mark!"

Diamond Tiara cringed at those words, but she's seen how the fight was going. She saw how you weren't making any progress. She wanted to say something. But she said nothing. She was trying to reason why you were losing so bad. The only reason she could come up with was… "I don't think this was a good idea, there's something different about Anon."

"What do you mean by that Diamond Tiara?" Asked Sweetie Belle

"Well… when he fought those two stallions. He got hurt really bad. He was knocked around a lot worse than he was right now. But, he got really really angry. He said those bad words you're not suppose to say. Even some words I don't even think actually exist but sound even worse than the bad words we're not supposed to say. Then he started pounding on the really big guy first. I couldn't see how he was doing it. But he was hitting him so hard that he fell to the ground."

Sweetie Belle began to ponder "So what you're saying is, Anon only gets powerful when he's angry?"

"That sounds like something from a comic book" Said Scootaloo "How does that even work?"

Diamond Tiara shrugged "I dunno, but that's what I saw. Do you think we should try to get Anon angry?"

Sweetie Belle nodded "It's the only shot we got to winning. But how do we make him angry?"

"Hmmm… leave that to me" Silver Spoon chimed in "I've noticed that Anon gets super easily angry. And I think I know how to do it."

"You think you can do it? Because Anon ain't gonna win any other way" Scootaloo asked, unsure about this.

"Trust me, Me and Diamond we're good at making you two angry right?" Silver said

Diamond cringed at those words ".....yeah… we we're good at that..."

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle nod to each other.

"Well, give it a shot." Scootaloo told her.

Silver Spoon looked over to you, you were currently thinking of trying to bounce off the ropes for momentum. Maybe far enough like a cartoon to launch like a bullet.

"Hey, Anon!" Silver calls out to you

You look over to your team. Silver Spoon was calling out to you. "Silver Spoon? What is it? You got a tip or something?"

She shook her head. "Nope! I just wanted to tell you that you're a blank flank nothing. You only have friends because we felt sorry for you for being an orphan. In fact, that's probably why you have any friends at all. But you were adopted by stupid Discord. You're a nasty little pony who probably wets his bed and cries for mommy and daddy every night."

What the fuck?!

Everyone close by heard it. including Applebloom. She yelled back at Silver Spoon "What did ya say?! How could you say such awful things, Don't make me go over there! or else there's gonna be a real fight!"

But you just stood there, confused. What the fuck just happened?

"Silver Spoon! Wasn't that overdoing it?!" Diamond was shocked and appalled

"I-I thought. I just wanted to get him really riled up!" Silver Spoon was frightened by Applebloom's threat. making her stutter her words. You had no clue what was going on.

"Yo Silver Spoon, what the hay? why'd you say all that?" You ask, puzzled by her words

You were a lot more confused than angry.

"Aren't you angry at me? That was supposed to make you angry" Silver Spoon seemed to have failed.

"It was? I mean. I guess… but. It just came out of nowhere."

"She was trying to get you angry so you could beat Big Mac" Sweetie Belle noted that you didn't look the least bit angry.

"...what? That sounds like something from a comic book" You say, even more confused

"See, I told you!" Scootaloo exclaimed.

Pinkie got up on the ring to see what was going on "Hey? What happened? Did somepony toss in a towel and I missed it?"

No, but. It was clear you had no chance to win this. And since she mentioned it. And it was obvious that it looked like your team was getting desperate. Whatever, you'd get over it. He was obviously just a tank. No regular pony could beat him. That's how you'd delude yourself anyway."Nah Ponk, but I'm calling it quits. I can't beat this guy. And I'm getting tired. You fine with that Big Mac?"


"What?! You're just giving up?" Diamond Tiara said in surprise, not willing to fully accept it. "But..."

"Sorry Diamond, but Big Mac is obviously super strong. No way I'm gonna beat him."

You yell out for everyone to hear. "EVERYPONY HEAR THAT? I'M THROWING IN THE TOWEL!"

"Finally, ah don't know why he didn't do it sooner. A youngin' shouldn't be fightin’ just to fight. Not even fer a Cutie Mark. If he was gunna get a cutie mark in fightin' he woulda gotten in in an actual fight. Hopefully one he didn't start." Granny Smith said, she seemed to know what was up.

"Well, can't say ah didn't see that comin'. But it was worth a shot. Sorry si-" Applejack looked down at her sister, who looked upset at the whole thing. "What's the matter Applebloom?"

"I thought this was really gonna work. Anon did beat two stallions. So ah thought he was gonna at least do something against Big Mac." Applebloom sighed "Ah thought we we're supposed to be better at this sorta thing by now."

"Come on now Applebloom, yah can't fool me. You'd just move on to another thing like ya always do. Yah still got feelin's for him, don't ya?"

Applebloom cringed, and immediately went on the defensive "N-no! Ah jus-"

Applejack smirked at her and gave her a pat "Don't got to explain nothin' to me sugarcube, but you'll get over it. Trust me. it's just a lingering feelin.. Don't go pursuing it, then it could actually be a problem. As fer cutie marks, yer just gonna need to think of something else." Applejack was just making sure that Applebloom would drop it altogether when it came to her feelings. Applebloom did have lingering feelings for you. But that's all it was, just lingering feelings. With enough time. She'd drop it. Hopefully.

But you yourself wasn't paying attention to their conversation. Pinkie went on to announce the winner was Big Mac, holding his hoof up for everyone to see. You congratulated him. If only to at least save face.

The audience gave little woos, Lyra looked miffed, Angel was satisfied it seemed. He looked happy that he got to see you fumble about like an idiot..

"And look at that everypony! Nonny congratulates his opponent for a good fight. Isn't it great to see the younger generation being such a good sport! Let's hear it for Nonny too!" Pinkie tries to get the crowd to cheer for you

"Woooo! Go Nonny! Anon… uhh… I don't know which one is your name right now! but yay Nonny Anon!" Lyra called out.

Cute. Then again, you started to think about Minuette all of a sudden. From that one single episode. She seemed pretty peppy and cute too. You got a lewd thought or two of minuette and Lyra doing… things to you. But of course, it'd never happen. You wave to Lyra and take a stretch.

You look at your team. Yeah, none of them looked all that thrilled that you just gave up. Better try to pep em up. Somehow. "So… you all ok?"

Silver Spoon was the least affected "I'm fine, it looked like it was going to end this way anyway."

"Yeah, i'm with Silver Spoon on this one. You're no Rainbow Dash." Scootaloo said, disappointed in the fight and what was to come for her later.

"Sorry Anon, we thought this would work and get you your Cutie Mark." Sweetie Belle was more disappointed in the fact it didn't work.

"It's ok, I'm not sweating it"

"But you should!" Diamond Tiara stomped her hoof. "You should have been able to grind that stallion into dust!"


"H-hey, calm down there Diamond. Big Mac is simply stronger than those two guys I beat. there's always a pony who's stronger than another. And he just turned out stronger than me. It's fine… it's ok. I'm cool with it."

Diamond grumbled, muttering something about how it still didn't make any sense. It was fine though. It was fine. Now you wondered what the opponent team thought. Especially Applebloom. You saw them stepping into the ring to speak with Big Mac. Applebloom trailing behind before making a turn towards you.

"Hey Anon, you ok?" Applebloom asked you as she stepped into your group.

"Pfft, yeah. I'm fine. Oh..." You notice she's not too happy either. "You wanted me to win too huh?"

"Well yeah! Ah mean. I don't want mah brother to lose. But this was all set up to get you yer Cutie Mark. And ya still didn't get one. We're supposed to be better at this" Applebloom groaned. She was really hoping it'd happen.

"It's ok Applebloom, really it is. You all just went off the fact I whooped two stallions. It was a good try. But don't worry. I mean, everypony eventually gets it right?"

"Anon, it's not just about gettin' it. It's also about understandin' it."

"Oh. Well hey, relax. We'll all figure it out when it happens. We'll just have to give it another go. It'll be ok, alright?"

Applebloom groaned. But, she was no stranger to trying a million times.They'd just have to try again.

Diamond Tiara sighed, and looked around. "Well, I better tell daddy's workers that it's time to pack up. If you'll all excuse me" Diamond Tiara was definitely disappointed. She was still audibly muttering her confusion about the fight. But there was nothing you could do. She'd just have to work it out. Unsurprisingly, Silver Spoon followed her. Some things never change.

"Well, in that case. Let me grab my stuff. I think I left them in the corner of the ring" You said

Sweetie Belle looks over, she sees nothing "I don't see it"

"Oh… I guess I left it in the tent. Let me go see, I have to get out of these shorts anyway. Just give me a moment and I'll be right out" You hop out of the ring and go inside the tent to look around. You didn't want to stay any longer in the ring anyway. You were afraid Applejack would start talking to you, and then start talking to you about Applebloom.

You shake off your shorts. And start looking everywhere for your bag. But… it was nowhere to be found. "What the hell? Hrn..." You poke your head out of the tent to look at the ring. Your saddle bag was definitely not up there.

You start looking again inside the tent for your bag. Fucking… Nothing. "Discord… are you fucking with me again?"

No answer. Oh shit......nonono..no. Bags just don't walk off. "This isn't funny Discord, Come on. don't fuck with me here. It's a joke… right?" No answer.

You start to get scared. As if someone might have pilfered your bag. You step out of the tent. At this point the CMC were together. Applejack talking to them, seemed to be about the deal they made. But you had to interrupt them. This was important. "Hey, did any of you see my Saddle Bag?"

They all shook their heads.

"Are ya sure you just didn't forget it somewhere?" Applejack said "Actually, Anon, ya wouldn't mind if ah talked to you. In private?"

Fucking dammit!

"I uhhh… no no. I really gotta find that bag."

"Well, ya three wouldn't mind helpin' out and lookin' for Anon's bag would ya? I'll knock off a week if ya do"

For Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle, that was a damned good deal, and they immediately dart off with enthusiasm.

Applebloom doesn't however, she had no stake in it. "Ya mind if I stick around sis? I wanna hear what ya two are gonna talk about"

Applejack shook her head "Nope, I already told ya everything ah needed to tell ya, now I just wanna talk to Anon. Ya can ask him what we talked about after we're done" Applejack just didn't want her sister interjecting into anything she might have to say. You didn't want to have this talk at all.

"Come on! what's it gonna hurt if I just listen in?"

Applejack knew she'd do more than that. "Applebloom, as yer big sister, ah'm tellin' you ya can't stick around for this. Now if ya wanna help Anon. then help him out in findin' his bag. I bet ya it's in some place obvious. Come on, run along now."

Applebloom didn't really want to go. She looked at you, and you looked at her. She huffed, then turned. She really wanted to listen in. But the way you were looking about that lost bag. It looked like it was really important to you. She decided that if she could find the bag real quick. Then Applejack wouldn't have any other reason to shoo her away.

You could only imagine what Applejack had to say… Ohh god...

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