• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,514 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 200 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Spike makes a plan.
Anon makes a "plan"
And Scootaloo throws some cardboard

"I'm just going to tell them the truth. That the dragon they fought was me. I decided to mess with them on Nightmare Night..." You sigh at the full realization of it however. "I guess it sorta backfired."

"Everything backfires when it comes to those two Anon, don't feel bad. Still, you made yourself a dragon huh? How did you lose to them then? What do they mean by a talking parasprite? Parasprites don't talk." Spike was confused by the whole thing

Now you felt a little embarrassed; The realization of losing to Snips and Snails was a little heavy to bear. "Well you see..I sorta overdid the spell, I warped reality in such a way that I sort of.....made myself lose. It's kinda complicated."

Spike just shook his head at the shame of it. "Wow Anon...just...wow. You were a dragon and you still lost? Even if you did overcast the spell it's...y'know.....them. It's not even funny...it's just...sad."

Well Spike, nice job on losing that based status you had there. Even if the truth was painful to hear. He didn't have to actually mention it. "....Yeah....w-well. I'd rather just not talk about it. Just back me up on this alright?"

Spike nods, but is still overwhelmed from hearing about your loss "Alright....still...kinda sad."

Eghhh.. You just sigh as you reopen the door to address the crowd. The moment you step out, they cheer again. "Hurrah for Anon!"

Geez, this was embarrassing. So many young ponies here...so deluded...dammit! "Hey, I have something to say to you all. So if you all could quiet down please?"

But they didn't, they just continued to cheer. "Come on...Hey! I said I want to speak!" You start to get a little angry. They just wouldn't stop. Not even Snips and Snails was trying to calm them down.

"HEY! THE HERO COLT IS TRYING TO SPEAK! CALM DOWN BEFORE I GET REALLY ANGRY AND...umm...TURN REALLY BIG AND EAT YOU ALL!...YEAH, THAT'S IT.. I'LL EAT ALL OF YOU UNLESS YOU SHUT UP!" Spike yells out, threatening them to be quiet. Funnily enough, it works. Each and every one of them shuts up and sits on their cute little asses.

Did he really have to yell at them? Then again...why did you care? You should have done that yourself really. "Thanks Spike."

"No problem, now wrap this up so we can go bowling already" Spike says as he steps back to give you the floor.

"Fellow colts and fillies! I have an announcement to make!" You then clear your throat. "...I was the Shelled Dragon that Snips and Snails fought..."

Just from that, murmuring among them began. They couldn't believe it.

"I can prove it. The dragon's name was Bowser, and the parasprite was ParaPara. It was all a created simulation generated by my magic.The reason I did it was because I just wanted to mess with Snips and Snails..."

You heard them all gasping in surprise now, Snips and Snails looked confused.

"Furthermore! A wise princess by the name of Twilight Sparkle has said that heroism can be anything. You're all technically heroes already. For even helping a fellow pony with even a small problem makes you a hero simply because you are going out of your way to do it. I hope you now understand that you don't need this club, and that you all can go home. Again, you're all heroes. So says Hero colt Anon!"

You expected cheering, you expected the crowd to cheer and see themselves as heroes. But they all just looked confused. Holy shit, how dumb are they? And then....to your chagrin...Snips spoke up. It seemed he believed you without question. "You heard him fellow ponies! He was using his magic to turn into a shelled dragon. Which could only mean one thing!"

"Yeah! one thing!......" Snails said, looking dumb until he realized he didn't know what his friend meant. "Er....what is that thing?"

"Well buddy, it's simple really! Anon was once again testing us! And he's testing us once again to see if we'd give up. Being a hero doesn't mean doing little things, You know that! Everypony knows being a hero is saving damsels, beating monsters, and saving Equestria. But we will not falter! All hail Hero colt Anon! Let our...err....Wanting to be heroes grow bigger!"

No… Your ears drooped as your pupils shrink. They were cheering again, and stepping closer. You immediately step back behind the doors and call in Spike before slamming them shut.

"Wow, that just......." Spike slapped his hand onto his forehead and shook his head. "Nope, I'm right there with you. That's gotta be the most annoying thing ever. I can't even explain how dumb that all was."

"...I just don't get it Spike, shouldn't that have worked?" Shouldn't it?! You had to ask him because you felt like your logical mind just broke into pieces

"I don't even know dude, it's Snips and Snails. They thought it was a good idea to wake up an ursa minor just to prove that this pony named Trixie was better than Twilight. Their dumb as bricks. But hey, we got a door between them and us. So all we gotta do is keep them locked and come up with another plan. Because trust me, it can't get any worse than this."

"I hope you're ri-"

Suddenly, you hear the familiar yell of a young tomboyish chicken."SNIPS! SNAILS! I KNOW YOU'RE HERE! GIVE ME BACK MY MEMBERS YOU CHEATING CHEAT CHEATERS!"

.................

God..fucking...dammit..

You open the door slightly to peer outside. And you see in the distance the familiar scooter riding filly. Scootaloo was looking down at the crowd with anger. She was donning her Rainbow Dash wig. At her side was Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, who also donned their own RD wigs. It also explains why Sweetie Belle hadn't come to nag you yet.

You look at Spike with a annoyed and angry face. "Never...ever....say it can't get any worse ever again...got it?"

Spike cringed, the look you gave him was enough to make him feel like his soul was pierced. "Yeah...got it.....it's kinda funny though...right?"

You just give him a death stare, this was not AT ALL funny. No, fuck this shit. You could tell this was going to explode into some super horseshit.

"...I guess not..." Spike backs up

You continue to peer through the door. Wondering why Scootaloo and the others were here. What did this have to do with anything? Snips and Snails goes out of the crowd to face CMC. Snips smirks at them "Cheaters? Well, nuh uh. We didn't cheat at all. All your members joined us because Rainbow Dash isn't nearly as great a hero as Anon."

Scootaloo growled. "Not all of them, I still have Applebloom and Sweetie Belle. So take that!"

Snails just peered at them for a moment. He seemed confused. "Were they even members before? I don't remember, didn't you say last time that we took all your members and that you'd get us back?" Snails looked to Snips in confusion. "That's what she said right?"

Snips nodded "That's what she said. So that means those two aren't even real members to your hasbeen club! So ha!"

Scootaloo was shaking in rage. "’Hasbeen’?! So are you saying Rainbow Dash isn't a real hero at all?! Is that what you're saying?!"

Snips nods. "Yup! She can't do anything without her friends. That just isn't hero material. Meanwhile, Anon is able to do everything on his own. Only a true hero can do that!"

Applebloom then speaks up, knowing for sure that was wrong. "Er, he uses that horn doesn't he? That's kinda cheating. Also.." Applebloom gives Snips a mean look. "Ah hope you ain't saying my sister isn't really a hero either. She's saved Equestria tons of times"

Sweetie Belle nods in agreement "Yeah! and my sister too. That's how the elements of harmony work. If it wasn't for our sisters and their friends, we'd still be running scared from Nightmare Moon! So there!"

"Eh" Sips waved his hoof dismissively. "All they did was shoot a magical beam at her. That's what I heard anyway. Anon managed to beat up a couple of foalnappers WITHOUT the horn. And even managed to trounce Snails and me. Anon just uses the horn when things get a little dicey. He's a pony of action! A lone wolf, while although he needs a sidekick, is capable of beating up any bad guy that goes up to fight him. And yes, that's right. Even if Rainbow Dash came to challenge Anon. She'd go down in like...ten seconds. So nyaaaaa!"

"Nyaaa, ay. Rainbow Dash is just a loser" Snails adds on.

Scootaloo's veins were now a poppin'. She started yelling how she was going to tear those two apart. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle had to hold her back and yell that it wasn't worth it. Too bad, you actually would have loved to see Scootaloo go postal. Still, seeing Scootaloo upset hurt your heart. Her club was now barren...because of you....well, kinda you. Mostly them...but dammit. It was hard not to feel somewhat responsible.

"We gotta do something about this Spike. This could turn into a total war"

"I know what you mean" Spike could see the concern in your eyes "They are gonna tear each other apart if we don't do something. But what can we do? Everything you say gets twisted into something else. It just makes things worse."

"I know, and I'm out of ideas when it comes to talking to them. What's worse, Scootaloo lost her club. We need to try to fix that too."

"Woah Anon, one thing at a time here. First we gotta diffuse the situation..." Spike rubbed his chin, pondering. "But how?"

"....The only way I see fixing this is if we managed to make them see that I'm not as great a hero as they think I am. But knowing them, if I purposely screwed up, they'd just say I was having an off day. And I don't want to say I lost the horn, one of those goofballs might get the idiotic idea of spreading it around. And if that got out, there’d probably be some kind of thief that'd go after it.It would cause Princess Celestia a lot of trouble"

"I didn't even think of that. So, if we can't use the horn. What can we do? How can we come up with a way to make you seem "not that great" to them?"

You hadn't the foggiest. "I have no clue, the only way I can see it happening is if some bad guy showed up and Twilight and the others demolished it before I could."

With those words, an idea popped into Spike's head. He had found the solution "Stay with me on this one Anon, cause it's so genius, even Twilight would be impressed. So, since we don't have a bad guy to fight. Then that means you're gonna have to fight something. And that something is a something that would be in on the plan. Or, given we don't want Scootaloo to tear everypony up, you and Rainbow Dash fight each other"

Wait...you weren't an idiot. You think you just realized what Spike was thinking. "But it's not a real fight, right? It's just to show that Rainbow Dash can fight me hoof to hoof?"

Spike nodded with a grin as he threw his arm around himself, finger up. "That's right! You and Rainbow Dash have a convincing fight, and then BLAM. Rainbow Dash beats you down! Fixing the problem."

Beats you down? Ehhhh, no. As good as a plan that was. You still had to keep up a rep. You had a girl now, and you didn't need her going on a ragetrip that you got "beat" by Rainbow Dash....actually that was a shit excuse. You just didn't want to have to throw a fight to her. You immediately try to make a small change to that plan that you could live with.

"Or...orrr...we can just end it with a tie. Everypony will see that Rainbow Dash and I are "Equals" and Scootlaoo and......oh...I really do have to take a dive, don't I?"

"Yup, sorry bro. But if Scootaloo is gonna get her club back, and if we're gonna get at Snips and Snails, then you're gonna have to lose the match.No other way around it."

.......Fuck. Dammit, you didn't just want to lose. Not like that. Yeah, you didn't like this overabundance of attention. But being the undefeatable Hero Colt did have some perks you liked. Eh, what are you thinking? Be reasonable Anon, be reasonable. One loss doesn't mean anything. Hell, your title shouldn't mean anything. It didn't really mean anything personally before...maybe it's just because you'd be losing to Rainbow Dash. Who, while you came to an understanding with, was still a cunt for following you and DT in the first place.

You had to remember that it was just a title. A title for the most part that's brought you more trouble than it's worth. Caring about it now just because you had to go against Rainbow Dash was silly. Just stick with Spike's idea. "Ok. So, how do we get this all setup?"

"Just go out there and say you'll be having a fight against Rainbow Dash later. Like in two hours. Then we go see Rainbow Dash, tell her what's up, and the rest will work itself out. It'll be easy. Trust me Anon. These guys have already shown they aren't going to listen to reason."

You nod, that sounded like a solid enough plan. And sure, you had to lose to Blue Fast. But if it meant stopping this mess. So be it. "Ok...got it"

You open the doors wide, and step outside. Scootaloo still not calm and still attempting to break out of the grip of her friends. You clear your throat. This time, you'd make sure they'd listen.

"HEY! EVERYPONY, LISTEN UP. ALL OF YOU! LISTEN UP OR I'LL COME DOWN THERE AND MAKE YOU LISTEN!" You say it with an angered snarl, making everyone jump to attention. Even the CMC.

"SO, YOU ALL WANNA SEE ME SHOW OFF MY SKILL, RIGHT?!"

Suddenly, the crowd fills with excitement. They all cheer for you. Meanwhile the CMC sit there dumbfounded. Wondering what the hell got into you.

"THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! WELL, DO I HAVE A SHOW OF SKILL FOR ALL OF YOU THEN. IN TWO HOURS, RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF THE CASTLE. I, ANON, WILL BE GOING AGAINST EQUESTRIA'S TOP FLYING ACE, RAINBOW DASH, AND I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU ALL JUST HOW GREAT I REALLY AM!" You make a pose, causing the entire crowd to cheer. And making Scootaloo snort steam in rage.

Snips and Snails joined in on the cheering of course, yelling out that they just knew that you were going to win.

"YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. BUT....you all gotta shove off from here until like, two hours. I got stuff to do till then and there's no point in hanging around here. Got it?" You wave your hoof to the side as if pointing to leave

They all nod...all of them.

"Cool, so uh..seeya all in two hours.....NOW SCRAM! THAT INCLUDES YOU SNIPS AND SNAILS. OR ELSE I'LL GIVE YOU BOTH A TEST THAT YOU'LL ALWAYS REGRET HAVING TO TAKE!"

They shook in fear. They loved your tests yeah, it just fed into their ego. But to be told of a majorly grueling one? Even if you were just bluffing, they didn't want to do anything any harsher than fighting "Bowser". They all ran off after that. gone to do whatever until the "Big Fight".

All except the CMC of course. Snips and Snails went up to Scootaloo, and mocked the fact that Rainbow Dash had no chance.. Her reaction was typical, stating that Rainbow Dash was going to drive you into the dirt....yeesh, she did remember she was your friend right?

And of course, after Snips and Snails left. The CMC stayed to pick a bone with you. All of them, all three, wanted to know what the fuck was going on. And to add, You knew Sweetie Belle would probably ask about the date. But you didn't want to speak out in the open. You could already see Scootaloo breaking her friends hold and charging towards you. "Anon! ANONNN!! HOW DARE YOU! HOWWW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF RAINBOW DASH! YOU WON'T BEAT HER, YOU WILL NEVER BEAT HER!”

You wanted to step back inside to keep things private, but holy shit. Even without the enchanted cardboard wings, she was fucking quick when her chicken wings fluttered at the speeds of a hummingbird. She ran right up to you and looked you dead in the eye. Ready to buck you with just one mocking word. "How could you Anon?! How could you do this to me?!"

You could already see tears welling up in her face. The poor thing… Losing her club members, getting mocked, feeling like shit. Yeah, she had every right to be angry. You take a step back, and try speaking in a calm and gentle voice. Almost like Fluttershy herself. "Scootaloo, wait. Can you calm down so I can explain myself?"

"EXPLAIN YOURSELF?! WHAT'S TO EXPLAIN, HUH?! SO "HERO COLT", DO YOU LIKE CRUSHING DREAMS? HMM? DID YOU LIKE MAKING IT FEEL LIKE RAINBOW DASH IS NOTHING?...HMM?!"

"Woah woah, hey Scootaloo. relax, Anon isn't really going to fight Rainbow Dash. It's just going to be an act." Spike can see how upset she is, and tries to calm her down.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle manage to rush up to Scootaloo, ready to scold you as they had not heard Spike's words.

"Anon, how could ya do this?" Applebloom says as she comforts Scootaloo, it seemed she wasn't paying attention to what you and Spike really had to say.

"Yeah Anon, how could you?...And er..how'd things go yesterday?" Sweetie Belle asks, her angry expression immediately changing to that of wanting to know an answer. Really Sweetie Belle? you didn't expect her to be that obsessed.

You ignore Sweetie Belle for now, trying to get out what you mean about everything. "Calm down everypony. Like Spike said, it's an act. I'm not really going to fight Rainbow Dash. I'm just going to mock fight her and then take a dive so she looks like she's better than me."

"Wait, that's what yer gonna do? Why?" Applebloom asks, confused as to why you'd WANT to lose.

"Because, I don't want that kind of following. And I feel bad that it caused Scootaloo to lose her members. I just want to try to fix everything"

"Hey, that doesn't sound so bad actually. That's a really smart plan....Spike, you came up with it right?" Sweetie Belle asked as she pointed towards the purple dragon

Spike nodded "Yup, pretty smart huh?" He smirked.

Sweetie Belle nodded "Yup, it's a good thing you were around too. Anon would have never come up with something like that."

...........again...Really Sweetie Belle?

"I can't believe all of you. Really?! Really?! you think this is all ok?" Scootaloo said, still furious at the situation.

"Scootaloo, what's the matter? Anon said he'd throw the fight. That should fix everything" Applebloom informs her

"Yeah.." Scootaloo says in a sarcastically bitter tone. "Throw the fight. Sure, that might fix everything. But then we'll never know who's actually better. I want to see Rainbow Dash mop the floor with him fair and square, that way everypony really sees how great she is!"

"Scootaloo! don't say things like that, Anon is our friend, remember?" Applebloom scolds her, wondering how the hell she could think any of this was a bad plan.

"He's no friend of mine. He thinks he's better than Rainbow Dash, just look at him. He thinks he's better than everypony. Just because he's Discord's adopted kid he gets to rub hooves with everypony, even royalty. Well fine, let him "fix" things, but unless Rainbow Dash wins fair and square, then I'm never being Anon's friend again...and you know what?.."

That's when you noticed it. Scootaloo DID have the wings on, but the charge on them had already been used up at this point. She grabs them, and tosses them in front of you. "You can have this back, I don't want to be a dirty cheater like you. Now you can pretend to be an all powerful Alicorn. Since you already think you're better than us." Scootaloo sniffs, she was getting a runny nose, her tears flowing even harder. "I'm leaving. I don't want to have any part of having Rainbow Dash not winning a fight on her own..it's just wrong."

And with that, Scootaloo turns the other direction and stomps off. ...Damn. Fucking damn. This should have been easy. It should have been. But it seemed this cut into her deeply enough that she couldn't see that you were mostly doing this for her. You all try calling to her, but she doesn't listen.

Applebloom takes a few steps back then looks to the group with concerned eyes. "Don't worry, ah'll have a talk with her and see if I can get her to buck up. You all just get everything set up. Sweetie Belle, ya mind helpin' me out?"

Sweetie Belle gulped, she looked to you.....she REEAAALLLYYY wanted the details so she could write back to Cadance. But… "Yeah, this is kinda serious. But..." Sweetie Belle turned to you "You better tell me every detail when we're done, got it?"

...Dammit..Sweetie Belle. "Alright alright, but after the fight ok?"

"Deal! Ok Applebloom, I'm coming" And with that, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom went to comfort their angered and jealous friend.

Well then, this really was quite the pickle.

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