• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 185 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Cadance is actually pretty chill.
Anon asks a question.
And Sweetie Belle just needs to shut the fuck up.

You plant your butt on the bed and start looking over your forelegs like a cat looking for bigger injuries. Nothing seems hurt. Just achy. So you press the button to retract the grappling line. Cadance has a little giggle at your adorable self assessment. You don't react to it, you didn't feel the need to ask what was funny. You could probably guess the way you looked did look rather silly. But she does look at the grappling hook launcher strapped to your leg with curiosity.

"Anon, where did you get that?" She asks

"This?" You hold up your leg, to give her a better view. "A friend gave it to me"

"I see" Cadance looks back at the window, then back at you with concern. "I hope you don't go swinging through everypony's windows with that thing"

"What? No no no. It's...well I had to use it. Your guards thought I was King Sombra, I had to escape somehow."

Cadance notices your saddle bag. She had word of your horn and more or less how it works. And she knew about today's headlines. "I wonder whose fault that was" She says as she looks at you with an accusing smirk.

"Ok.....so maybe that was part of the plan. But come on! I didn't know I could have just asked to come in"

Sweetie Belle giggles then looks to Cadance "Oh yeah, he's also thinks he knows everything. He never shows up at school even."

"Oh I figured he was kind of like that." Cadance giggled again....goddammit...you were being mocked.

"...Aren't you supposed to be the Princess of Love?" You cocked an eyebrow at her

"I am, I just also find the whole situation funny. You don't need to be such a sourpuss Anon."

....oh...nononono "I'm not a sourpuss. I just don't think you understand the situation. I wanted to make sure you'd be ok. You know that right? That's the whole reason we're here. It was a high stress situation."

"Well, why don't you tell me the whole situation then? I only know so much from what Sweetie Belle here told me. Start from the beginning." Cadance didn't seem at all too stressed about anything. She was very calm and collected. a fine contrast to your worry and spazzing.

Was that a good idea? Well, it probably wasn't. But you were an adult. You had to own up to a mistake and it'd probably be good for her to know that Twilight is involved. "Alright....just, don't say anything until I'm all done. ok?"

Cadence nodded, interested on what could possibly be so bad as to stop you mid story "Alright. You have my attention Anon, go ahead."

You look over to Sweetie Belle, who had decided to lay on her belly exactly like Cadence. The moment she notices you were looking at her, she lifted her foreleg and shook it at you as she gave you a slightly snooty look "Come on Anon, we don't have all day"

That just made Cadance titter a little...that just annoyed you. "Alright..." And so you explain it. Starting from having to explain you're staying with Twilight. It seems she already knew about that. Celestia probably must have sent a letter to keep her in the know about her sister-in-law.

When you were done with your tale. You expected Cadance to give you a lecture of some sort. But instead. She simply reacted with a "Hrn"

""Hrn?"...that's it?" wut?

Cadance nodded "That's it. What, did you expect me to lecture you on what you might have done wrong?"

....You did...sorta.

You nod. "Kinda, it's what you princesses usually do after all"

Cadance looks over to Sweetie Belle "Definitely see what you mean about his snarkiness too."

"Told you" Sweetie replied.

You groan, you felt like you were being judged now. And you felt they were being a little too harsh. "Well, you two had been talking a lot. Haven't you?"

Cadance nodded "Well, it was something to do while we waited for you and your friends....and wait for my Shining Armor to bring me some ice cream. Now as for your story. I’m not Princess Celestia, I don't think I have to lecture you on something you already know. Besides, it'd be redundant since I think Twilight might have her own lectures on the subject. buuuuuuuuuutttt...." Cadance sighs ".....If it's one thing I do have to say, it's the fact that somepony needs to tell her to lock that door. One day it could be the press, another day it could be the latest menace." Then Cadance smiles at you "Or it could be King Sombra, risen from the darkness to claim revenge on her number one assistant."

"Ok, ok...I get it. I should have asked to come in. You don't have to rag on me for it. yeesh."

"Awww Anon, I'm only having a little fun. Being pregnant hasn't really allowed me to do what I'd like lately. I'll stop. In fact, if you stick around, you can have some of the ice cream I'll be having."

....ok...never mind..ice cream was always good. Sweetie Belle was curious, she didn't know what flavor the ice cream was. "What kind of ice cream is it? I can get some too, right?"

Cadance nodded "Of course..as for the flavor. I was actually interested in trying this obscure one called "Breakfast" flavor"

"Breakfast?" what kind of fucking flavor was that?

"...flavor?" You and Sweetie Belle say one after the other

"Yeah, it's supposed to taste like orange juice, eggs, and milk all in one. Doesn't that sound delicious."Cadance licked her lips at the appetizing sentiment

"...yeah sure..erm. But I think I'll pass. I shouldn't spoil my lunch." Gross

Sweetie Belle agreed "Me too. Rarity wouldn't like it if I had ice cream before lunchtime" clearly she wasn't interested as well.

Cadence shrugged "Well, more for me then....mnnnn..." Cadence lays on her side, "I don't want to put too much pressure on the baby now, I'm actually surprised. It's pretty spry despite it not being born yet"

"Ohhhh! Is it kicking!?" Sweetie Belle got excited, she wanted to feel the baby kick. And this seemed like the most opportune time.

"It is, I can already tell this one is going to be a hoof full" Cadence bent her head down a little, looking at her belly with motherly loving eyes. You could tell she really cared for her unborn foal.

"Can I?..you know" Sweetie Belle asked, wanting to put her head on her tummy.

Cadence nodded "Go ahead"

Sweetie Belle squeed and hopped over to Cadence, she slowly put her head on her belly. putting her cheek right on it. "OH MY GOSH! IT'S KICKING! THAT'S SO COOL!" Sweetie Belle was beside herself "Do you know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Not yet, we'll know soon though. Anon, do you want to feel the baby's kicks?" Cadence asks you, she genuinely thought you'd be curious about it as well.

Hrn...well, you didn't want to be a party pooper. Plus, it might be interesting to feel how a baby pony kicks. Nah, you'd do it. Despite getting teased. It was all in good nature. And saying no would also reinforce the whole "sourpuss" thing. "Sure, Sweetie Belle can you move over a little?"

Sweetie Belle scooches a over a little. Allowing you room to place your head on Cadence's roundish belly. Wow, candybutt sure had a nice and nuzzly fat belly. You resist the urge to make yourself more comfortable. Though, it didn't take long for your head to feel a few thumps.

You move back a little. That was....actually kind of cool. You gently put your hoof on her belly, it was still kicking. You don't know what it was. But, knowing there was another life inside that belly. Innocent, defenseless, needing care....oh man...whatever was in there, it had an alicorn for a mom, it'd be ok. But then, when it's born...

...You knew would cause a shitstorm within the fandom. Errr...maybe that's not the right thing to think. Rather, whatever it was. You kind of wanted to have a hand in raising it. You knew you never could. But you could just imagine, A pony as smart and cool as you are....ohhhh man. That'd be awesome.

"Anon, you ok?" Sweetie Belle asked, giving you a gentle shake.

"Wha huh?..."

"Is something the matter Anon?" Cadance asked, she was concerned that something worrisome had crossed your mind, since you seemed to have zoned out.

"Huh..oh no no..I was just thinking"

"About what?" The curious Cadance asked.

..About what? Well, actually, thinking about it, maybe in the future...nah....Nah..you can't have a kid. right?..maybe?...there was Diamond. And...hmm

Maybe you should ask Cadance about that. You figured Chrysalis's advice was already sound and doable. But you knew she didn't take age into consideration. Maybe Cadance's advice would be more beneficial.

"About.....ab-out..actually" Yeah, you'll do it. But, you didn't want Sweetie Belle to hear you. You felt she'd not only mock you, but tell the others the moment she saw them. "...Sweetie Belle, would you mind leaving the room for a moment. So I can talk to Cadance privately?"

"Uhhhh...why?" Sweetie Belle was confused

"It's...really private"

Cadance was just as confused. She understood the importance of privacy. But what could you have that warranted her undivided attention?

"Really private? Anon, whatever it is. I'm sure it's not that bad. Who knows? Sweetie Belle might be able to add to....uh..whatever you want to talk to me about" Cadance was sure it was no big deal.

Oh yeah, they were both confused. "It's really complicated, and something that needs to stay in this room"

"Ok, are you saying I can't keep a secret?" Sweetie Belle now looked pretty insulted. "We're supposed to be friends, but you always seem to not want to hang out or even try to avoid us all together"

Oh come on! "Sweetie Belle, come on. It's not that. It's just....grrnn...fine...but you can't tell anypony, like...anypony!"

Dammit, you gave in easily. But only because it'd be an even bigger fuss if you kept her out of it. Dammit, why did she have to be in the room at all? You knew...you just knew..that if she really wanted to, She'd rally the others to find out what the secret is.

"You can trust me Anon" Sweetie Belle slowly swipes her foreleg across her muzzle. "Lips are sealed, now what is it?" Sweetie Belle smiled a big wide...innocent...smile

......Dammit. "And don't make a big deal about what I'm going to say, ok?"

"I won't I won't, promise" Sweetie Belle was getting impatient.

"Alright...alright...Princess Cadance, ma'am....please don't make fun of me for what I'm going to say, please?"

Cadence found that request odd, if it was that serious. of course she wouldn't tease. "Of course, Anon. I know we haven't talked much..err..hmm..Just think of me as your friend you've known for years, ok?"

Right...right....righteooo. Here we go. "So...erm...I'm having love...issues"

Before Cadance can say anything. Sweetie Belle blurts out "WHAT?! AGAIN!? WHO IS IT THIS TIME?!" Real smooth there Sweetie Belle

You give her a mean, nasty look. "Can I talk?"

"Sorry..just..you know, this kinda went badly for you last time, you know" Sweetie Belle explained.

...Yeah...real vote of confidence there. "Yes...I know..." You nearly hissed out that last sentence. "Anyway...if you want to know, it's Diamond Tiara"

Cadance tries to say something, but again, Sweetie Belle butts in. "Again? AGAIN!? ANON, REALLY?!"

Ohh noo, not again. because last time you weren't actually into it... but now?.. "Ok hold on, first off. She was into me last time, and you know...so was Applebloom. But things happened, and now...I like her..and she likes me..and-"


You let out a low growl within your words, you were getting really frustrated with her. "Yes Sweetie Belle...I know that...that's why I'm asking Princess Cadance for advice..."

"How is that going to help Applebloom?!"

"I don't think she even really likes me like that anymore"

"How do you know?"

"How do you?"

Cadance raises her foreleg "Uhh...can I talk"

Both you and Sweetie belle turn to her and let out a "HOLD ON!"

"Listen here Sweetie Belle, we're not all "all for one and one for all" in everything we do. Stop acting like a child and let me ask Princess Cadance these questions so we can get out of here and go home, k?"

Sweetie Belle however, had her own idea of what was going on. and how this conversation should proceed. "Well Anon, it's funny you think that because we worked really hard to try to help you out and be your friend since you're an orphan. And I don't know if you noticed, but I AM a kid, we both are. And oh, just to let you know, this would have been ok if it was some other filly. But nope, you ousted Applebloom for Diamond Tiara. Do you realize how bad that looks?"

Ohhh reallly? She thinks she can act high and mighty now? Well fine then, time to live up to that little rep she was building up on you as. "Well excuuuse me Sweetie Belle, I didn't know you suddenly wanted to be my mom. Listen, and listen good. This is MY life. Applebloom has no reason to like me the way she does, IF she even still does. Diamond Tiara had been trying all this time, and you know what? What am I supposed to do about that? Just tell her off? Things happen, this happened, and I need expert advice on it."

"I'm trying to HELP you, everypony will hate you if you just go with this!" Sweetie Belle wouldn't let it die

"No, that's an overreaction. there's a possibility Applebloom will be upset. BUT I don't think other ponies are going to care too much. Besides, as long as you don't say anything. Things will be fine. And even if you do say something, what then? Who's going to care but you, Scootaloo, and Applebloom?"

Sweetie Belle put her hoof to her face, she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "You're missing the point. This is still wrong, Really wrong. You should have chose Applebloom."

You raise an eyebrow at her...oh good god...please don't let it be that. "And WHY should I have chosen Applebloom? And please..PLEASE..don't tell me that this entire argument is based on the fact that you think I chose wrong"

Sweetie Belle hesitated, it seems you were right. That may have been the reason. But why would she even care? "Erm...well...ummm...because Applebloom is also a good friend and I thought you two would actually make a good couple...together. Diamond Tiara is ok, I guess. But technically, Applebloom saw you first. So erm...she kinda had dibs"

DIBS?! "REALLY?! DIBS?! REEALLLY?! Sweetie Belle, she didn't even like me first. Diamond Tiara did, if anything she got dibs. So how about that?"

"Err...that's not exactly....true" Sweetie Belle tapped her hooves together

Wut? "What do you mean, that's not true?"

"Well...uhhh, Applebloom kind of actually started to notice you when you...errr...stood up to Diamond Tiara that time."

Wuuut? "No, she seemed pretty against what I was doing. Remember?"

"Yeah, I do. And how she acted kind of different than how she felt. She didn't know what to think really."

Oh good lord. Even if that's true… "Sweetie Belle, it doesn't even matter. That was a while ago. Things changed, and you can't just speak for Applebloom like that. I like Diamond Tiara, and she likes me. And there you go. Ok? Alright? Understand?"

....Ergh, something about saying that you liked Diamond Tiara felt...forced...as if something in your mind wasn't exactly quite sure on it. But you ignored it, you wanted Sweetie Belle to understand that things change, and that things happen. And you and DT essentially happened.

"Well hold on Anon" Sweetie Belle looked to Cadance "What do you think Princess Cadance?"

Cadance shifted her eyes left and right, she didn't think she was going to be part of the conversation at all "I'm not going to be cut off am I?"

Sweetie Belle narrows her eyes at you "Not unless Anon has something to say"

Maybe you should say something. Considering how Cadance would most likely side with Sweetie Belle..maybe..wait..why would she? No..you know what? Don't say anything. If Cadance was an adult like you..then she should agree with you. "Nope"

Cadance couldn't believe what she was seeing, but she definitely understood it. And she didn't look pleased with either of you, you both pretty much were making scrunched angry faces at each other. But the thing that she found most odd was your view on it. She's been around a lot of foals, and knows quite a bit about love. She thought you'd be complaining that Applebloom was "icky" or had more vain reasons to like Diamond Tiara. But...it all was pretty sound. "Sweetie Belle, Anon is right"

"See! I knew Pr-...wait what?" Sweetie Belle double taked, she wasn't expecting that.

"Just as I said. Anon has a right to choose who he likes. And he shouldn't have to be guilt tripped into a relationship if what he says about Applebloom is true. If that's over and done with and she doesn't care about him in that way anymore then I don't see the problem. All that matters is that you're all friends, and you should support his decision. Sweetie Belle, are you sure Applebloom has any feelings for Anon still?"

"Well...erm..I actually haven't asked. I didn't want to remind Applebloom that it..you know...happened. But it seemed kinda obvious that she still sorta likes him..I think" Sweetie Belle was starting to falter.


"Anon, that's enough!" Cadance says to you in a firm and commanding fashion. You immediately hush up, Sweetie Belle herself had her ears down, she looked like she just got a piping hot glass of reality in the face. "You don't need to act like a jerk, even if Sweetie Belle is being a little bit of one herself. You're smart, I understand. You don't need to flaunt it around as if you're better than anypony else. And the BOTH of you shouldn't even be arguing like this. You're friends right? Because at this moment, I feel like somepony pulled some wool over my eyes."

Ergh.....ERGHHH. What could you say now? Dammit, ok maybe you we're being a little bit of a shithead. But goddammit, you were in the right. Sweetie Belle shouldn't have been acting like a little shit.

"I'm sorry Princess Cadance..." Sweetie Belle let out first, feeling awful for how she acted.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to." She tells Sweetie Belle, still firm in her tone.

Sweetie Belle looked over to you, she looked pretty upset, she took a moment, composed herself the best she could as she held back some tears from being berated. "Anon, I'm really sorry for how I acted..."

Why should you even accept it? She was being a little shit first, she should have kept her mouth shut. Fuck this friendship bullshit...


.....Dammit. You looked at Cadance, who seemed to be expecting you to accept the apology. Or, at least say something about it.

..fine, but you'd have to find another way to settle this later. And only if it needed settling. "It's ok...and I'm sorry too. But Sweetie Belle, please PLEASE understand. This has nothing to do with hurting Applebloom or giving up on her or trading her up. It's not like that. It's a separate issue, and it's an issue I'm having trouble with and need some advice. Ok, please..please. Don't go spreading this around, ok?" Hopefully..she understood.

Sweetie Belle nodded in agreeance "It's ok Anon..and..I promise not to tell anypony else."

You sigh in relief, finally, she was being reasonable. "Thank you"

"See, don't you both feel better now? It's not worth risking your friendship over things like this. Just do like I do. Take a deep breath, lay down, and relax. Sweetie Belle, you don't need to act for Applebloom. If Applebloom has a problem or wants to speak up. Then she will, and it will be hers and Anon's business. And Anon, you need to understand that you shouldn't treat your friends like you're better than them. And you can't be so argumentative. From what Sweetie Belle has told me, you get in quite a few arguments, am I wrong?" Cadance knew the answer to that already.


You looked up at Cadance silently. Your mind going back through time to any and all moments you had on Equestria. Cadance gave you a stern look, but waited patiently for you to answer.

...ugh… You had been a little bit of a dick lately...and, you never actually showed the CMC any actual respect befitting their age. Well, you have..just...not lately. Or rather, always having in the back of your head how simple minded they were. You didn't mesh well with it at times, hell. You'd even argue with Discord, even if it left you at a disadvantage. And then there's Twilight.

.....fuck. "...You're not wrong.." You hang your head in shame, you just wanted to integrate and live your life happily. But..you were still you. Being a colt didn't change that. But, you didn't want to be "you" all the time. At least, not this part.

Cadance smiled a gentle smile at the both of you now. You both we're now covered in a magical aura as you were brought close to Cadance's head. Once there, she gave you both a gentle nuzzle "I hope you both learn from this experience. And learn to be better friends. If you both...no..if you all just listen to each other, and treat each other fairly and with respect. Then I promise, life will be a lot more fun and wonderful. But for now...Sweetie Belle, can I count on you to give any kind of helpful criticism?"

"W-what? on what exactly?" Sweetie Belle didn't understand, and she didn't want to piss off Cadance.

"Well, your friend still needs advice. And you seem to know "Diamond Tiara" better than I do. So if I say anything that sounds wrong, or if Anon here acts a little goofy. I just want you to give your own friendly advice on the subject, or any criticism you might have. Ok?"

Sweetie Belle nodded slowly. "Ok"

Cadance then looked to you "Alright Anon, when you're ready. ask whatever questions you might have"

Wow...she was...still willing to do this. You look over to Sweetie Belle. She looked pretty nerve wracked after all that herself.

You've been such an idiot. And to still be given this chance. Damn, Cadance really did have a lot of love in her heart. But pissing her off?...yeah...you didn't ever wanna do that. "Are...you really sure it's ok to ask, after all that?"

"Do you still need advice?" Cadance asks


"Then ask me, I'll put my good faith on the both of you that this won't happen again. Because if it does, and I find out, I know I can practice "other" ways to be a mother on the both of you. I'm sure Rarity won't mind. And although Discord might be difficult, I know Fluttershy would probably mayyyybbeeee convince him to let me have the practice. I know Twilight won't use her princess title, and I don't really like forcing mine. But for the sake of foal education. I'll make an exception"

Cripes...that's...fucking scary. You never thought you'd be scared of lovebutt. Celestia was a lot more playful and gentle than this. You actually preferred it. Yet, at the same time, Cadance had an aura about her that just made you have a form of respect for her. She definitely could be serious when the time called for it.

"Ok, so....umm..ok." You take a breath. "Diamond Tiara likes me...like, she really likes me. She's happy whenever I'm around her, and she's always rubbing up against me or trying to get me to hang out with her. I recently helped her mother and from what I understand, she really wants to marry me...in fact. There was kind of a promise that it'd end up being like that if I never found anypony else. The thing is, I didn't really sorta kinda have the same feelings for her until....ummm...a little while ago. And I was wondering, since I am a colt. What's the best approach to er....treating her good..and stuff...you know...boy and girl stuff."

"Wow, I...didn't know she liked you that much. Is it really that much Anon?" Sweetie Belle seemed really surprised. To her, she knew Applebloom had liked you. but from the way you told it. Diamond Tiara sound like she was fucking obsessed with you.

You nod. "Yep...every moment she can get. she wants it to be with me. It's kinda weird but...I've..grown to like it..sorta..kinda....it's weird"

"I..didn't know she liked you that much. Applebloom doesn't even act like that around you, or when you're mentioned. Well, not anymore. Wow...I can't believe I never noticed" Sweetie Belle says, feeling awful about how she's acted.

God, you yourself was feeling pretty bad about it. If you had mentioned something to the CMC. or tried to hang out with them more. No, don't worry about it now. you can fix it later. "Yeah...it's really like that. there's always a smile on her face the moment she lays her eyes on me."

"I see" Cadance gives you gentle smile "Anon, the answer to your question is very simple."

"It..is?...what is it?"

"Take her out on a date." She suggests

Your pupils shrink the moment she says that. "d-date?"

"Well yeah, just ask her out. it's very easy. You bathe, make yourself look nice, bring her some flowers, and ask her out on a date. And that should be able to tell you if she's "the one"."

She can't be serious "B-but..don't you think we're a little too young?"

"I don't think so, it actually sounds very romantic....well, as long as you don't act like you're better than her. Just saying, I don't mean it in a bad way" Sweetie Belle put an emphasis on her trying to be truthful and helpful with that.

Cadance agrees though. "Anon, I honestly don't think you're going to do anything bad to her. I've heard you could be quite the gentlecolt too. You just need to be respectful of a lady. In fact, I'm sure Sweetie Belle could give you a few pointers. She is Rarity's sister after all."

Good lord, GOOD LORD. A DATE?!..could you even do that? What if it did end in...no, no. You were sure Cadance didn't mean "bad" as in rape or sex or..whatever. But fucking christ. Chrysalis said she'd be mindful of your age. But NOPE, it was pretty close to what Chrysalis told you to do. Oh good lord. And pointers from Sweetie Belle!?...dammit. She wasn't anything like Rarity...but she was a filly. ergh...this was gonna be harder than you thought. But..you at least had to try.

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