• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

  • ...
66
 2,803
 10,517

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 157

Discord didn't hesitate to take advantage of the situation. "Would it be ok? oh ho, little Diamond Tiara. I would be absolutely honored if you married my son. If he became your coltfriend of course."

....that..son of a..

"Wait..Shouldn't Anon have a choice in this?" Fluttershy asked, she noticed you were looking pretty flustered.

"Oh my dear dear Fluttershy" Discord slithered through the air next to her and positions his talons with his paws to make it look like she was looking at a portrait. He aimed right at you and Diamond Tiara. And between his paw and talons. Fluttershy could see you in a tux and Diamond Tiara in a wedding dress with the area looking like a wedding chapel. "Don't you think they'd make such a lovely little couple? I can't think of a cuter pair"

Fluttershy just stared through Discord's paw and talons. Thanks to the change in scenery, she started to come to the conclusion that it wasn't a bad idea. "Well....they do look like they'd make a very cute couple. and......and...." Fluttershy started to tear up.

Discord lowered his arms. He didn't mean for her to cry, he didn't even know why she was.

"Miss Fluttershy, are you ok? What's wrong?" Diamond Tiara had noticed her tears and grew worried.

To you, you think Discord did something...you..just didn't know what. "Dad?! What the hay?! What did you do?!"

"Hey! Don't blame me! I don't even know what I did!" Discord was astonished. He really didn't know.

"A-anon, d-don't blame your father. H-he didn't do anything wrong.." Fluttershy sniffed, and wiped her tears away with her hoof. "I j-just....c-cry at weddings...I'm sorry"

CRY AT WEDDINGS?! BUT THERE WAS NO WEDDING! WHAT DID DISCORD DO!?

Your eye was twitching as Diamond Tiara walked up to Fluttershy and nuzzled onto her "It's ok Miss Fluttershy, if you're thinking about how the wedding would go. I promise i'd make sure it'd be the best and most glamorous wedding you ever saw."

"O-ok...I..I just don't know why I feel so sad. I guess it's because I-I've only k-k-known Anon for so long and now...now..." Fluttershy starts to cry "He's going to get m-m-married sooooooon!"

......oh sheesh..SHESSH...DWFDSES
You were going to have a meltdown.

"I-t's ok Miss Fluttershy. I'd never move far away or anything. You could still see him whenever you want. I promise it'd be ok" Diamond Tried to reassure her

"....yo-you're so s-s-weeeeeet..ngghhh" Fluttershy grabbed Diamond Tiara and sobbed right into her.

......good fucking christ. All three of them were acting as if there was going to be a wedding tomorrow.


You shifted your eyes to Discord. Who then gave you a thumbs up and a toothy grin.

.......you were now beet red with anger.

You growled and grit your teeth as you spoke.
"Dad....can I speak to you privately....outside?"

Discord nods "Of course son" Discord turns to Diamond Tiara and gives her a gentle smile "Little Diamond, would you mind tending to Fluttershy while I have a word with my son"

Diamond nodded and continued to console Fluttershy as you and Discord stepped outside.


You both step a few feet from the cottage. And the moment you both do...
"What...the fuck...was that!"

"Hmmm?" Discord tilted his head and rested it on his arm "hmm.....ohh...thaaaat. That was me toying with you while at the same time securing you a nice girl for you to marry for when you get older."

This fucker...going from depressed about losing to messing with you with a big smile as quick as a switch flick. godfucking dammit.

"Nice girl to marry?! WHAT?! I Don't know if you noticed. But she's utterly obsessed with me. And you...YOU...if you remember. Told me NOT to go that far with any of the fillies. So what happened?!"

Discord shrugged "I also told you not to use foul language but that doesn't stop you. I simply stopped caring Anon. I don't know why you're surprised. I stop caring all the time.You're fine as long as you aren't kissing and rubbing on her rump. I trust you, though I'd like to be the one to do the decorating for the reception if you don't mind."

your patience was thinning.
"Look...You can't just fucking expect me to just shack up with her. Even if it's a joke. She doesn't think it’s one. Did you ever EVER think that maybe things would change when she and I get older?"

"Of course I did, I just hope our other guest doesn't hide under your bed while you both mate"

........
You jump up at Discord's neck with all your might and try choking him
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Discord just snickers as he grasps you gently from his neck and rubs your head with his other hand. Stopping your choking as you mutter and groan. He holds you up at eye level with a more sincere smile on his face "Anon, I'm just trying to make sure you have a chance with a girl. I know your habits and luck while you were a human and I highly doubt you'd have ever found companionship alone."

You continue to groan. Why did he have to bring that up?



"It's not like you have to marry her now. Just treat her like a good friend until you’re both teenagers. Then, sweep her off her hooves. It's not that hard. It happens in all those romance novels"

You sigh a heavy sigh. It seems the odds were against you. If you were a full blown asshole you would have just left her to Discord's devices that time ago. But nope, you saved her. And you could never tell her why. Not only because it'd reveal the truth, but you didn't think you could even handle her having a breakdown. it'd be world ending to her.Well, maybe it wouldn't be that bad, maybe you were overreacting? But if this went on, you could end up with her following you around like a little puppy.

ugh.....this was difficult. your more instinctual needs are even telling you that it's not that bad, since it's a girl. But your mind, you knew, just from watching the episodes, that fillies have a tendency to get into trouble.

Well...actually. the CMC do. Buuuuut, you were sure now that DT was good that she could end up in her own mess of trouble.

Your ears begin to droop as you just silently think of a solution, but can think of nothing.

Discord starts to gently pet you gently on the ears like a dog "Take it from me Anon, given all the study I had to do to even select you as a candidate, You should definitely keep yourself open to the idea. Lest you end up like your fellow humans you interact with on that image board of yous"

You grumble, you almost forgot about that place. Full of lost souls who jack it to all things pony. Forever alone, and bitch about anything whether it's good, bad, or even makes sense.
"...I hate to admit this...but you have a point...I guess"

"Splendid! Splendid! I'm glad you're willing to listen to reason. Now that we have that settled. IS there anything else you'd like to discuss?"

.....yes actually. There was.
"Yeah, how is it you can cry and whine for hours then cheer up the moment you have a chance to mess with me. I almost thought you'd never be able to pull out of that depression spiral at all"

"Oh that, well. I couldn't miss an opportunity like this.It's practically a once in your lifetime chance. So I just thought of a funny little joke and sprang into action."

...a funny...little...joke. This guy will always be too much. That was his explanation....that was it. No, not the fact Fluttershy, his best friend, had been consoling him all morning. Or you also came to try to help him, since you were there....but nope, a funny little joke. Which translated to him just loving to mess with you. as usual.

"Right....fine. The situation can't get any worse anyway. But just ease up on it at least...Alright? ok? as your pal..can you do that for me?"

Discord sighed and hovered over to the cottage door. "Fine, but only because I don't want to get TOO into this and agree to something stupid such as allowing her into the house while we have our bug infestation."


You walk over to the door with him.
"Yeah, exactly. And I doubt she'd keep her mouth shut about it. But yeah, let me just handle this from now on."

Discord opens the door "Yes, I know, I'll let you handle it. Just don't expect me to be able to help when you eventually screw up and have her in tears."

as the door opens, you see Diamond Tiara sitting in front of Fluttershy. They were both...giggling?

"Well I do know Anon likes to be cuddled with. He becomes so gentle and sleepy when I put my wing over him, it's like he was a little baby foal...."

....oh...what the hell. Shit..SHIT...leaving them alone was a bad idea!

Discord also heard these words, and looked at you with a sinister smirk.

You look back at him with puffed up anger, you knew what he was thinking, and right as you were going to announce that you were back.

"I'll....have to keep that mind." Diamond giggled, almost mischievously and cunningly "but...what about you and Mister Discord? Why haven't the two of you gotten married yet?"

Discord's smile immediately left his face upon hearing that, and as his left, you began to grow one insidious little smile of your own. And interrupt the conversation with a "innocent" question.
"Yeah Dad....why haven't you gotten married to Aunt Fluttershy? I think you're both super cute together!"

The question itself made Fluttershy a little blushy from embarrassment. The thought never seems to occur to her, and she would decline, but it was still a rather stunning question. And as she and Diamond turned to notice both of you have re-entered the cottage. She only blushed more in embarrassment, knowing both you and Discord had heard the conversation. "O-oh, I-I didn't hear you both come in..."

"Well, we did...hello..hi..Who's up for breakfast. I've got pancakes!" Discord quickly tries to cut the conversation short by making a small table with huge pancake stacks appear in the middle of the room.

...oh no, before anyone has a chance to even react. You give Discord a little nudge.
"Dad...what about my question? Why don't you ask Aunt Fluttershy to be your wife. I think I'd like a mommy..."
You give him huge puppy dog eyes.

Discord stayed silent for a moment, suddenly all eyes were on him. He was not expecting this. He thought he could handle it if it was between the three of you. But having Diamond Tiara around, who he believed, would start spouting the same kind of question or spread rumors around town.

The silence was almost nerve racking for him. So much so even Fluttershy noticed and walked up to you and gave you a hug. "...Anon, I'm really sorry. I really am..."


Ah shit, she sounded upset. She didn't even know what to say after that. You've been through it once before. So no doubt she was upset due to the fact she was thinking that you still wanted a mommy. Not realizing you were just fucking with Discord.

You quickly hug her back "It's ok Aunt Fluttershy. I understand...see" You step back and point to your face "No tears, I just thought it'd be a nice thought. I'm ok..really"

Fluttershy took a good hard look at your face and saw not a single instance of moisture. She sighed in relief, smiled, and gave you a pat on the head. "I'm glad you understand Anon. You have a very strong heart" She gives you a gentle poke on the chest. eliciting a giggle out of you.

She then looks up to Discord, who was now taking the time to recover, wiping his sweating head with a dirty rag,

"Discord...are you alright?" Fluttershy gave him a gentle tap. "Are you still upset about what happened on Nightmare Night?"

"Hmmm?..oh...yes...yes! that's exactly why I am feeling like this right at this moment, y-yes. B-but I'll be fine." Discord continued to wipe. "Just something I'm going to have to get used to."

Well, you knew he wouldn't learn his lesson. But any chance to turn the tables felt pretty good. And besides, you get rewarded with a huge stack of pancakes. hahaha! what a "delicious" victory.

As Fluttershy consoles Discord, you walk over to the table. as you look upon the stack of pancakes, Diamond Tiara steps closer to you. She looked...a little disheartened.

"Anon....can I talk to you in private?"

...no..the pancakes.

"E-erm. What's wrong? is your pancake stack too big? Because I wouldn't mind some extras " You give her a half grin, prompting her to maybe laugh or smile...none of those happened.

"....umm...It's something else. Please, can we talk alone?" She gives you huge soft sad eyes.

..dammit.

"Ok, let's just step outside"

And so you both step outside. What happened? She was being happy and bubbly seconds ago. What got her so sad suddenly?

"What's wrong Diamond? Did...somepony say something wrong?"

She shook her head, and looked down, she looked like she was ashamed of something. "..."

...shit. as much as you didn't want her to become closer to you. That sad look was killing you deep inside.
"Hey Diamond, whatever it is. You can tell me. I'll always listen to whatever you gotta say. So..."

You gently give her a quick head nuzzle
"..Buck up"

She smiles for just a moment as she raises her head. But it was only for a moment. "....It's...just about. You and....Fluttershy"

"hmm? Why? What's up?"

You and Fluttershy? Was....no..she couldn't be so enamored with you that she's jealous....what? no no no. That doesn’t make sense.

But...it seemed that wasn't the case.

"It's just. When we were talking. She said some things. And, it already seems like she treats you like her son."

"Huh? Well, I guess. I mean, I don't call her mom or anything. But she does care about me, you know. Making sure I'm happy and behaving. She's the one that managed to get me signed up for school"

"Do you really like her, and enjoy her company?"

oh shit..ok.maybe she was jealous. The fuck?!
"Well...yeah.......why?"

"...It's...kinda hard to explain. I've been doing a lot of thinking. And...I couldn't talk to daddy about it. So I tried to get it out of my head. But...talking with your aunt. I just...is it bad that I don't like my mom?"

....oh shit....maybe this was worse. "What?..."

Diamond Tiara took a deep breath. Holding back her tears. "It's just, when you said you wanted Fluttershy to be your mom. I sort of thought...well...what if she was my mom too?..I mean..you know..mom in law....in case we get married. I thought it'd be nice...is that bad?"

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

cute problems? you could solve

Villain redemption? doable

moral of the week? you were a saint

some lame philosophy to save the day? you were the hero

Mommy issues? might as well put a bullet in the brain.
" I um...Well..um..what..about your mom? You love her right?"

Diamond Tiara hesitated, sat on her butt, and looked down, feeling shame that she had to think about it. "I....think"

.....oygh.
"Come on Diamond, your mom can't be THAT bad. She took care of you all your life, provided for you, and all that good stuff."

".....When I was really little she would. But when I started to get a little older, she would go on more and more trips. So daddy thought it'd be better if I stayed with him. Sometimes when I go visit my mom while she's on business. She'll just have somepony foalsit me.”

That's...not good.
"Well, ummmm. What about when she is around?"

"When she is around, she always wants me to act a certain way, and only interact with ponies she wants me to interact with. She would tell me which kinds of ponies were scum, and who I should hate. She would say anypony without a cutie mark is substantially poor, dirty and smelly, or was some hick , idiot, or criminal that wasn't worth my time. That I was better and will always be better than them. That I was the crown jewel and future of the family. She said I was important"

Well...at least..she made her feel important...ahh..who were you kidding. that's why DT was a cunt before her reform.

"I meant more along the lines of...you know...does she hug you, read you stories, go out and have some bonding time with you? Stuff like that"

"She would read me the business papers, take me out to these boring business parties, and...only hugged me or told me she loved me if she remembered to....she would never forget to tell me how important I was though...how without me, the entire Barnyard Bargain Empire would crumble in the future. That the regular business here and all of our extended business stuff would totally crumble. She says she doesn't want to become old and see everything her and my daddy worked for end up ruined."

Ok...that's...pretty bad.
"ok..that's...sorta something..What...about recently?"

"I don't know. I haven't really wanted to talk to her or send her any letters. I guess it's fine, because she hasn't sent any back aside from the usual business reports for daddy."

not good....
"And..have you talked to your dad about all this yet? About how you feel?"

She shook her head "No, I can't. If daddy knew, it'd make him sad and he wouldn't be able to focus on his work. He'd be too worried about me."

Well...atleast Filthy would care enough to bring near financial ruin for his little girl. By her word anyway. But fuck, it must really be shit to be seen as just an extension of the family business rather than....a daughter.

"Diamond, you know it's not...mnn..."You need to be more delicate "Diamond...mnnn...."



What were you going to say? her mom won't reply and isn't even in Ponyville. And she doesn't want her dad to know. Maybe you should go talk to him? The guy seemed sensible. Surely he wouldn't bring down the whole business. He still needed to support his family too. Diamond had to be overblowing it.

So, for now. You move in close to her, and give her a gently nuzzle around and along her neck.
"It'll be fine Diamond, if anything, I'll do the best I can to help you...and if we do end up getting married. I'd..."
think of your words carefully
"I'd…Like it that both our families we're ok with it. and that we we're all one big happy family."

Diamond Tiara stopped, she was frozen, and blushing. You pierced her heart once again, but the moment was quickly fleeting as she thought again about her family. and then you. and then began to tear up as she began to nuzzle back, even pressing deeper, hopping up, and wrapping her legs around you as she cried in a desperate hug.

Ok, that was obviously not the right choice of words.

You reached your right foreleg and gave her a gentle rub on her back as she cried.


"I-I j-j-just want...mn-ngh. I..I just w-want a m-mom who is l-like...y-your aunt..." Diamond whined


"mnn, Diamond, look. That's your mom. And I know you probably don't think so since everything kind of went topsy turvy for you. But, I think deep down inside she loves you. It's just she has a real real hard time showing it."

Diamond Tiara just sobbed more and more, and hugged tighter. ".....Anon, that's what m-my Daddy would say...th-that she loves me deep inside...b-but..she won't even write, or anything, s-she's angry at me....b-but." Diamond Tiara stopped hugging, her face was red, her mane was getting disheveled, her tiara was crooked. "I don't...k-know how to f-feel. I like being the pony I want to be...i-it's nice to have friends. Why can't she see that?"

....god dammit. if you just didn't feel the need to get back at Discord. This wouldn't be happening. You didn't realize she was internally upset about what happened. But...yeah..why not? It's her fucking mom, and despite being a total bitch, she helped raised her. And, god help you, what if you were wrong? What if she hated DT? No..right?...nahhhhhh

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!