• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 194 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Diamond Tiara is elusive
Celestia is in a meeting
And Anon is somehow more arrogant than he usually is.

You both approach the entrance to the castle. Beautiful as always. It always captivated you how everything looked in real life. You felt genuinely happy. Seeing Diamond Tiara smile warmed your heart like no tomorrow. And boy was she smiling big. Every step towards the castle filled her with unbridled excitement.

You also still kept your eyes peeled for blue cunt. Never know when she might swoop in. Dammit, why was she being obsessive?

As you both approached the castle, it seemed the door was being guarded by a pair of white pegasi guards in golden armor. The usual royal guards of course.

Diamond Tiara looked back to you, wondering what to do next "So, do we just walk past them? Or....what exactly?"

Cutely Dashing....let's try it…

You give her a gentle smile as you raise and slide your hoof along the bottom of her head, starting midway from her neck and moving up in a very slow manner. "Don't worry, I'll just have a little chat with them and we'll be in in no time"

She just blushed, and closed her eyes to enjoy the rub, when your hoof came off from the bottom of her chin. She nearly fell forward. She caught herself, and then looked at you dreamily.

.....Oh yeah...Oh fucking yeah...And now..for the clencher. You walk over to the guards in one of the most confident demeanor you've ever displayed. And grin as you speak to them. "G'day gents, I was wondering if we could have an audience with Princess Celestia today"

The guards looked at eachother, but made no sign of budging. Then the guard on the right of you said "State your business"

Heheheh. "Just here to see my friend, Princess Celestia."

The guard on the left narrows his eyes at you "And who are you exactly?"

You chuckle. "Well, I'm the hero colt. Anon."

The guards have definitely seemed to have heard of you. But seemed skeptical as well. They now both speak at the same time "Do you have any proof you're him?"

"Of course....just give me a second..annnnddd" You pull out your horn and plop it on your head. Once again, the Sombra horn changes into a normal looking unicorn's horn.

The guards still seemed skeptical, and one of them gave it a tap. You could feel it, and his tap was rather rough. It made your head tilt. "Hey, watch it!"

"Hmmmmm...." The guards looked to each other and nodded

"So, what's the verdict boys?" You say with a smirk

"We believe you are him, but we still just can't let you in without permission from the princess" The guard on the right says.

You turn back, you could see Diamond Tiara was already getting a little antsy. You look forward, and ask. "Could you ask her if we can come in?"

The guard on the right nods, then nods to the other guard. The guard on the left go into the castle as the guard on the right continues to watch his post.

You walk over to Diamond Tiara with a smile, unfortunately, she did indeed look rather worried.

"What's wrong?" You ask.

She looked up to you, she had such hope, she just didn't want to see her chance to meet the princess be destroyed. And neither did you. "N-nothing, you seem to have everything under control. I guess I'm just still train sick"

..Awww........Might as well… You give her a peck on the nose. As usual, that makes her blush, and become silent and astonished. She just stares at you, marveled by your charm.

"Just relax alright? We'll be in in a moment." You tell her, with a gentle and reassuring tone.

"O-o-ok"

God, you were never going to get used to how cute a filly can be. yeah, this ultimately had to be the right decision. It was backed by a princess and an evil bug queen afterall. You walk up to the guard again, awaiting the inevitable. You also kept in mind that Celestia was a bit of a trickster herself. So you couldn't let her get the better of you.

Finally, the guard returned, and whispered something to the other guard. Hmm....

"So what's the word?" You ask

The guard on the right shakes his head "We cannot give you entry"

Wut? WHAT?! NO! "W-what?! why not?!"

The guard took notice of your irritated tone. But kept calm, so he could explain why. "The princess is in a meeting. And is not to be disturbed."

....Meeting? "Meeting with who?"

"A meeting with the leader of Trotssia. That's all I'm allowed to say for the sake of the meeting."

Trotssia? Was that in the show? Probably yet another parallel...probably to Russia "And there's no way we can go in to see her?"

The guard shook his head "No...."

Fuck...fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.... WAIT! WAIT! "What about Princess Luna, is she free?"

The guard looks to the guard to the left. The guard shrugs, meaning he knew not of her activity. "Hmmm....we shall have a look for you." The guard nods to the guard to the left again, and he goes off.

The guard to the right, even if he didn't visibly show it, gave off a hint of irritation from your initial reaction. Probably not a good idea to piss these guys off, so you try some conversation. "So....do you guys just stand here all day?"

The guard nods "We are guards....we guard the door....that's our job"

Huh… "Do you ever..go out? For yourselves?"

The guard nods "Yes, we guard in shifts. The Princesses requires full day and night protection. So of course there are more than enough of us to cover all spots while the off duty guards get some rest and relaxation."

Hmmm..so that’s how it works. At least that means they are never not ready for anything. The guard returns, and whispers once again to the guard on the right. the guard nods, then looks to you "It seems Princess Luna is getting some rest, she seems to have come down with an illness."

Illness? Do alicorn gods even get illnesses?...Wait...that’s a good question to ask. "Woah woah...hold on, the princesses can get sick?"

The guard nods "Yes, just like any other pony. And, I'm sorry to say. But we will be having no visitations today."

What?! NO! "B-but...I could maybe see Princess Luna, she's my friend too. Maybe seeing me would cheer her up?"

Maybe she was fucking about on the goddamn game console, feigning fucking illness. You didn't need this shit right now. But the guard would not budge. "We can't let you in. And that's final."

Now you were really getting agitated. "Listen buddy, I wanted to show this little filly right there behind me the time of her life. Can't you make this exception at least once?"

The guard shook his head "No, and there's nothing you can do to convince me otherwise"

......

You give the guard the evil eye, but he just stands, stalwart to the end.

....Fucker.

You turn around grumbling, already you can see Diamond Tiara was disappointed. But she also saw your expression, and was worried that you were angry. More worried than the fact she wasn't going to see a princess.

"Anon, Don't be angry. We can still go do other things, really...i-it's no big deal." That disappointment in that sentence, you could feel it....ohhhh no. Celestia's reason was justified. But you just knew, you knew Luna had to be faking it. How could she suddenly be ill?

"I know it's not, we're still going to see a princess" You didn't look at Diamond Tiara when you said this, you just looked with dark eyes, at the horizon as your horn began to glow.

"What do you mean? The guard just said we couldn't see either princess." She says, she sounded defeated. But she tried not to show it for your sake.

You turn to Diamond Tiara, you were smiling an arrogant smile now, a hint of dark smug within it. You then tilt your head a few times to get her to follow you away from the guards' sight. If they saw you teleport. They'd probably figure out where you'd end up. "You don't mind if we just teleport right up to Princess Luna, do you? I'd like to know if she's at least alright."

Diamond Tiara could see your horn glowing. Now, you thought she would probably need some coaxing. But, she didn't seem too hesitant on the idea. Of course, she wasn't the CMC, who'd all but probably Sweetie Belle would have a moral objection to this.

No, Diamond was dead set on meeting a princess. And she agreed near instantly to the idea of going to see Princess Luna directly."Let's do it"

"Thatta girl, ok. Get close to me."

And she does..very closely, again nuzzling on your side. ......Ahhhh, just concentrate...You don't want to botch this spell and end up......lewd....

You knew exactly where Luna would be, up in Celestia's room. Playing the damn system. You could easily explain the game away to Diamond, there was arcades in Equestria....for some reason.

And in an instant, both you and Diamond flash and disappear. In an instant, you both appear in Celestia's room. The horn pops off your head. Changing back to the Sombra horn as per usual. You stick it in your bag. And then make an announcement to Diamond. "And welcome Diamond Tiara, to the room of Princess Celestia!"

Her eyes went wide, she was taking in everything her eyes could gaze upon. "T-this room...is amazing.."

"It is, and behind us should be Princess...." You turn around, the console and tv was there....but no Luna… ".....Luna...."

Oh...shit.... There seemed to be a miscalculation.......to your plan.

You looked on in horror at the empty spot as Diamond Tiara just looks at it in confusion. "I...don't see her. Why would she be right there? Oh..wait..maybe you meant to point at the bed." She looks to the bed, but it to was empty. "No..wait...she's not there either.. Anon, did you mean to teleport us into Princess Celestia's room? Shouldn't we be in Princess Luna's room?"

......What the fuck were you going to do now? Holy fucking crap. The only way back is with the map, you'd need to find the bathroom. But if you use the map, then the date is over. But the date is going to be over anyway if you both get caught. What's worse is there's still a chance for Chrysalis or any of her children to be waiting in your room. Hell, it's possible the little bastard one has set up a trap for you by now. Probably still wanting to destroy you.

Huh....actually, you wondered what happened to the old captain...eh, probably best not to think about it. The guy was a total cunt and not even Chrysalis gives a shit about him. "Diamond, I think we sho-......Diamond?"

You looked around....oh.....no. She walked out of the fucking room while you were thinking of what to do. Fucking....fillies. "Oh..shit...oh...fucking..GODDAMMIT!"

How could she just walk out like that?! Fucking...GYAAHHH. You rush out the door, and smack your face along side it, making you slip and slide into the hallway and crash into the wall. You quickly get up, shake your head to steady your vision, and look around. No guards, they must be near Princess Celestia and Luna. But.....where was Diamond?.....mnnnngggrrr

You whisper a low whisper as you hide behind various objects along the hallway. "Diamond? Diiiammmonndd? Hello?"

Well, this was familiar. Familiar twice over. Sneaking around AND being inside Canterlot Castle. You barely remembered the layout...not like it'd probably do any good since the dream version was probably not even close to how the castle actually is. How could you let Diamond out of your sight? Fucking...why would you even think Luna was faking? Dammit, how could you let yourself get so cocky? You'd rather deal with RD than this.

What's worse, like every other castle, there was a shitload of doors. You didn't have time to look in them all. If Celestia's meeting ends, then the guards around her might go about their regular rounds...or something.

Or Celestia herself might spot you...and...no, she wouldn't care too much right? There was a guard every so often patrolling around, but nowhere near the level of the Crystal Empire's castle. Yeah, most of them had to be protecting Celestia.

Then again, there was also Luna's guard ponies. They were bat ponies, but more importantly, if they were around, then Luna had to be close by. And then you had to wager that wherever Diamond was heading. She probably knew a great deal about the princesses given her apparent obsession. So, she should also come to the conclusion that Luna would have her guards about near her.

Would she get caught though? That's the problem. You had to find her, and you had to make assumptions to where she may have gone. You hoped she wouldn't be foolish enough to seek out Celestia during whatever meeting she was doing. So, it had to be Luna.

And so you went on your search. You just needed to find one bat pony, or just spot some pink or a tiara or some shit. fucking dammit...why did she have to walk off? She also must have been moving quickly, you didn't spot her at all. You didn't spot any bat ponies either. Maybe they just hung around at night.

....Come on Anon.

You travel randomly, using your small size to hide behind any structure or object you could on any passing guard. After some time, you notice a hallway that was much darker than the others. Ohhhh....was that a hallway to Luna's room? Seemed a little much? Eh, probably just how it's themed. She must still let sunlight into her own room and such, just as she would the moonlight.

...Could Diamond have gone in here? How long did you space out anyway? Christ...wait...WAIT... You slap yourself really hard. "Ow..nghhh.." You look around. Everything was the same. "...damn...not a dream."

.....Here we go then… You enter the darkened hallway, you noticed it curved downwards...down and deep, like it was going under the castle. you remember the crystal caves being under the castle. Hmmm...actually, that made you think. There was probably some of the castle that was underground. Those three bridesmaids that went to stop Twilight and Cadance have to have gotten down and out of there somehow.

And it was getting darker too, and more maze-like as you went in. Luna can't possibly have her room in here. Could she?...Maybe.. You look around the corner...and ....oh crap...there was one...a bat pony guard...And he was already heading your way.

You take a gander at a standing set of pony armor, and quickly dive behind it. No way he'd notice you. "......." You stay quiet, and wait for the bat pony to pass by. You keep your ear up to listen for the sound of his steps. There was no steps.....

Hrn? You pop your head out from the side of the armor to see where the bat pony guard might be.... He wasn't......anywhere. ...That's odd.

Probably went another direction. You slowly and carefully step out from behind the armor, and very carefully start to move forward. Where the fuck did he go? You look around the corner, you look back, but...nothing. And as you look for where he may have been. You start to hear noises. weird noises.....coming from above?

You look up, and immediately, your body runs cold. Many of the bat guards were hanging from the ceiling, all eyes on you. They knew where you were the entire time. Some of their wings opened and closed, others looked at you with unblinking eyes. This was unsettling as hell. You gulp hard...what do you even do?

You run..that’s what. But the moment you even try, they descend upon you like a hoard of, well....bats. Everything goes dark as you feel yourself being slammed to the ground. you hear screeches coming from them, some say a few words such as "halt intruder!" and such, but you couldn't make out that or anything else they said due to their screeching and being smothered by them.

You could barely breath,it got to the point that the smothering and panic made you black out.

Oh no...you were fucking dead. So ends the journey of Anon. Game over....

Or..not.

You wake up on a bed, groaning....the hell happened? Wait..bed? What bed? You lay upwards, but..the room was dark....oh shit...Luna's bed? No...as you looked around, even though it was night. You could tell it was Celestia's room, there was enough light to see the sun based decor, and of course, the console and tv.

No Diamond either....was it a dream?....Was it?....Hopefully?

"You're awake...that's good"

That voice, that soft velvety voice. That was...Celestia. "Princess Celestia?" The moment you say that, the lights to the room turn on, you had to close your eyes for a moment. As the light burned through your vision. "Ngh....even as a pony. I'll never get used to that." You say casually, feeling at ease, you look around to where she might be. She was standing some ways away by the door. "So hey, how are you......."

.....She....was not smiling. She....didn't even look like she was holding back a grin. She....looked annoyed.

"U-ummm...so y-yeah...hi...h-how are you?" You ask again

Celestia just stood there, majestically, but not as a princess, but as majestic judge. "What are you doing here Anon?"

".....I..came for a visit..."

"And the filly that was with you?" Oh lordy. Nope, her voice was pretty serious. You dun goofed...or maybe she was pretending to be mad?

"She's...erm...you know. A friend, who might be more of a friend..sorta..kinda." You tap your hooves nervously together. "Princess Celestia, ma'am. W-we actually came to visit your sister."

"Is that why my guard came to ask if you could come see me? Or did you just opt for my sister when it turned out I was unavailable"

...Oh god… "Well, yeah it was like that. But..umm..you see, Diamond really wanted to meet one of you, and I thought Princess Luna may have been faking illness..and was playing video games. Silly idea, right?" You chuckle nervously.

"There's nothing silly about it. You could have waited until I became available, but instead you decided to abuse your power. A power I had hoped you'd be more responsible with" ..Ouch. The way she said it, It cut through you like a knife. Her voice was not that of a scolding mother, but as a serious judge. "No, if anything. I'd say this was an arrogant display of trying to get what you want. Without thinking of others. You only wished to satisfy your wants. I can tell that not once did you think about my sister's health nor the fact that my meeting was very sensitive."

Geez, there she goes. twisting that knife. "I.........." You didn't know what to say. "Princess Celestia, I....erm..." Fuck......hold on..was...Diamond ok? "B-before we continue..d-do you know where my friend went?" You had to prolong this in some way while also finding out what happened to Diamond.

Celestia nods. "She's fine, I'm letting her nurse my sister...who's room happens to be next to mine by the way."

....................Fuck, so that’s how Diamond was able to get ahead of you so fast. She entered the room while you fucked off somewhere else. "O-oh..well..haha...that's kind of funny right? Me going...completely in the wrong direction."

Celestia expression just became more serious than before "It's not funny Anon, you can stop"

....Ohhhhhhhhh.....crap. "...Can I at least say I'm sorry? I just..overdid it, that's all."

"You can be sorry, and I'll accept your apology, but that doesn't change what you have done."

....You once again didn't know what to say. Celestia knew you couldn't come up with anything now. You couldn't even state something against her.

"Anon, I'd like to think of us as friends. I'd like to think of anypony in Equestria as a friend. I know the hardships you must have gone through" Celestia was becoming soft all of a sudden, was she...did she think she was going too far? "And I know adjusting to our world must take a great deal of effort."

You almost started to relax, until she said the word "But" and became hardened again. "During your stay here, you have made many friends. Even a friend everypony, including myself, would consider undesirable. You have done some good things in Equestria, you even reformed one who may have had the potential to destroy us all. And that tells me you know very well how things work. And yet, you chose to disregard my words. And force yourself into the castle despite the fact that your presence could have caused disastrous results with the leader of Trotssia. Did you honestly think there'd not be consequences to your actions?"

Consequences?......Oh god no.. "Princess Celestia..c-come on. It's not that bad..right? I mean, it's me...I know we haven't talked with each other too much..very little...but. I said I was sorry"

"And I accepted it. But I cannot let this go unpunished....and so.." Celestia's horn began to glow, as your sombra horn floated up next to her, as did a golden box, embroidered with a royal symbol. "I will seal away your power, until your visit with Twilight is complete...AND if her letter she sends to me shows that...hmnn..No..I shouldn't explain it. You'd be the type to just act a certain way to get what they want."

....Ok..now that one really hurt. She also...was taking your horn...dammit...you needed that thing..YOU NEEDED IT. "Princess Celestia..come on, don't take my horn away. I mean, what if Discord finds out?...Wouldn't he try to take it?"

"He might, or he might make a new one. No...you're right." Celestia returns the horn to you, but...no..that was too easy. And you were right. "Anon, I'm going to give you a choice." She then floats the box over to you "You can give me the horn willingly, or you can give me the queen of the changelings. Who, as you know, should stand trial for all of her crimes."

...Oh hell what?! Was..Celestia doing this to you? "That's...blackmail."

Celestia shook her head, she didn't think so. "No, that's letting you choose what's more important. I've told you before that her exile is deserved. And I trust in what you are trying to do for her. But it's also clear that your horn is giving you the belief that you can do what you wish. I can only hope that your time without it, and with Twilight, will have you learn a thing or two about respect. Or...you can keep the horn, and turn in your friend. Who deserves to answer to the crimes she has committed to everypony in Equestria. A fiend that most deserves to see banished for all the pain, anguish, and turmoil she has caused in their lives, all for the sake of "food" and "conquest". So decide Anon. Or I shall decide for you."

....Goddamn...damn....You couldn't even be mad at her. But your horn. It was, it let you do everything you needed or wanted to get done in a blink of an eye. But then there’s Chrysalis, you felt she was improving. She was becoming nicer...sort of. Celestia did say you could get the horn back. But..you'd never get Chrysalis back.

...You actually cared...

.....Fuck…

You sigh, and place the horn in the box. You just laid there on the bed, silent as Celestia moved the box away from you with her magic and put it up on a shelf. "Like before Anon, no pony will know what happened. I don't wish for you to suffer humiliation, or lose the trust of your friends. But I hope this serves as a lesson to you as well. Next time, I will not be so kind. And yes, I am fully aware Discord abuses his power as well. And would have probably done the same thing you have. But you and I both know that he does have somepony he must answer to for his misdeeds. And even if he acts like he doesn't care. He does."

.....Mnnnn. And so far, he hasn't interfered with you and Twilight at all. Fluttershy must definitely have a handle on him. ....Dammit..you could feel some anger inside you. You didn't do anything too wrong. No one got hurt. You were on a date...dammit...

"You may go now. Go see your friend, and if you wish. Tend to my sister with her. They both seem to be having a good time and I'm sure you'd be able to make it better." Celestia gave you a smile, a wary smile, a wary..yet weary smile.

.....What else could you do? What else could you say. Considering she just said you could go. She was probably done with the subject now. And with it...your horn. "What about you? What are you going to do now?"

"I was supposed to get some early sleep from the exhaustion of the meeting. But I couldn't go to bed immediately after, it seemed a foal had decided to venture near the barracks of my sister's guard. Now..."

Celestia gently lifts you with her magic as she walks towards her bed and gets on as she puts you on the ground. "It is time for my rest. I wish you a good night Anon, and do not worry. I do not hate or think less of you. I just think you need to be disciplined."

........

You turn around to say something. But you could definitely see it now. She was exhausted. And yet she waited for you to wake up.....

.....Fuck.. "Good night..Princess Celestia." You meant it. Even if deep inside, you were still angry.

With that...you go off to see Luna and Diamond.

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