• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,464 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 73

"Well, here we are. They're right in there." Spike informs you as he opens the door and peers inside. It was a some sort of library. Well of course Twilight would get a library in here… Both Twilight and Discord were near a window, discussing something.


"Yo, Twilight. Anon's here." Spike announces as he steps inside. You just stand there, peering through the door as Twilight and Discord turn towards you.


"Ahhh, the little perpetrator has arrived. Good morning Anon, did you have fun messing with the cosmos." Discord said immediately the moment he saw you, with a sinister grin on his face.


Spike was already confused as he looked towards you "What the hay!?"


Twilight, who seems to not have been told who actually caused the sun and moon to shift reacts with a much more surprised and electric reaction of "W-WHAT?!"


And then there was you… you just got sold out… for some reason. "WHAT?! D-DAD?!"


"Dad what? Was it not you who caused all that chaos outside?" Discord continued to grin that grin

Twilight turned to Discord, she was confused and didn't understand how you could have done anything.


"Discord, now's not the time to joke. If you're not going to help me figure this out then you can leave, we can finish this morning's evaluation tomorrow"


You slowly step back, but Discord's magic starts pulling you into the room as you try to resist.

"Ahh but Twilight, he really is the one who did this. Aren't you Anon?"


why was he doing this?! "D-dad… c-come on… don't."


You were struggling, Twilight at first comes to your defense and looks at Discord straight in the eye with a mean look. "Discord stop, you're scaring him. You know he didn't do this."


"Well, if you're so sure" Discord stops your pull and keeps you right in your spot, you can barely move. "Why don't you just ask him?"

DISCORD WHYYYYYY?!


Ergh… you know Twilight wouldn't do anything bad to you, even if you admitted it. But you didn't want her to see you as bad...or lose the horn. What was Discord doing?!


"Fine, I will." Twilight looked to you, annoyed with Discord, her expression showed it "Anon, can you just tell me you didn't do it so I can get on to.." Twilight looks to Discord with a spiteful expression "More important things"


Oh shit… dammit, you could lie… But Discord probably wouldn't let you get away with that. What was he doing? You cringe, and cringe hard... "Well..."


Just that single word catches Twilight's attention. "Well? Well what?". She was curious.


"Well… it was me. But... I didn't mean to do it. It was an accident"


"Woah… That's pretty cool" Spike said, impressed by your apparent power.


Twilight looked to Spike with an agitated expression "Spike! This is serious!"


Spike waved his claws to his front apologetically "Woah Woah, I know. I'm just saying it's cool… sheesh."


Twilight looked back to you, wanting an explanation "Anon… tell me how exactly you managed to do all this."


You sigh… "Dad gave me a horn that let's me do stuff. But once per day… I tried using it for something… and, well… that happened."


Twilight didn't look too pleased. But upon hearing that, she turns to Discord "Discord, what exactly does he mean when he says "Dad gave me a horn"?"


"It's exactly as he says. I gave him a horn with unimaginable power. What, is that a bad thing?"


Twilight started walking towards Discord, she wasn't looking very pleased at all "YOU GAVE HIM WHAT?! DISCORD! YOU CAN'T GIVE A CHILD THAT KIND OF POWER! ARE YOU NUTS?!"


Discord shrugs "Are cashews nuts?"


"DISCORD!" Twilight barked.


Discord gave Twilight a gentle pat as he floated past her and moved towards you "Twilight, Twilight, calm yourself. I put proper safety measures in place. For instance, you'll notice he doesn't have a horn right now. And that's due to the fact he can only use the horn… once per day.


"AND YET HE MOVED THE SUN AND MOON WITH NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER! DISCORD. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?"


"I was thinking of my little colt's well being of course. You can't deny Equestria is a dangerous place." Discord was staying calm.


"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?!" Twilight however… was not. "DO YOU REALIZE THE SORT OF HARM HE COULD HAVE CAUSED?!"


"A simple mistake Twilight, he just a colt. But to my point. We all know Equestria isn't all sunshine and rainbows. You can't deny there are dangers."


Twilight realized she was losing her cool, and calmed down to understand Discord's reasoning. to take it in. "There are… but what does that have to do with this? Answer me, please."


"Isn't it obvious? I had to give my son a way to defend himself. Only a few days in Ponyville and he gets attacked by a couple of thugs. It's distressing to know my child can be in any sort of danger at any time and not have a way to defend himself properly."


"Defending himself?" Twilight took a moment to think it over. "Discord..." She took one more moment to calm herself, to make sure she was being sensible. "Discord, I understand. No colt should ever have to deal with that. And the fact he had to go to the hospital… I can understand that being really worrying. But you didn't give him a defensive spell or some kind of magical item that could help protect him. You gave him a power that seems to be the same as yours. Don't you think that's a little much? Maybe?"


"Certainly not!" Discord walked over to you, you were so silent. You had no idea what the fuck he was doing. He then picked you up, and hugged onto you… Awkwwaardd. "The safety of my little Anon is very very important to me. And of course you know Fluttershy has also taken a parental role in my son's care as well, correct?" Discord gave her a smug toothy grin. He was wanting to hear her say "yes"


Twilight slowly nods "Yes, but. Again, something more simple would have been just as good."


"So you say" Discord puts you down "And yet, you Twilight Sparkle, who has seen many dangers in Equestria, say a simple spell will be enough for my Anon's protection. And yet, if it wasn't. Not only would I be devastated. But think of poor Fluttershy. I can't imagine how anypony would feel knowing that a child they have come to care about was suddenly… gone."


"And what Discord, could possibly be so dangerous that Anon needs that kind of power?"


"I'm glad you asked!" Discord turns to her with a happy grin "What could be so dangerous? hrmmm... ahh yes!" Discord starts counting off on his talons, even producing new fingers to count. "Tirek, Changelings, Changeling Queen, Monsters, Diamond Dogs, Dragons, Bandits, Thugs, Evil Entities, and of course we mustn't forget yours truly. We did have that little showdown oh so long ago when I had all of Ponyville upside down."


Twilight found that hard to argue… but she still knew that was too much power for a colt to have. "Ok… granted… those are things that would be beyond a simple barrier spell. But that's still too much Discord. And it's clear he didn't use it to defend himself.. I want you to turn down the capabilities of that horn"


Discord's smile slowly changed to that of a slightly more serious expression. "Twilight? Certainly you can't expect me to do that. I think it should remain at it's current power."


Twilight shook her head "That's not a request Discord" Twilight slightly grimaced at about she was about to say. She didn't look like she wanted to say what she was about to say. "As the Princess of Friendship, I order you to limit that horn's power to an acceptable level"


Woah… You've never actually heard her ever do that before. Not on the show anyway.


Discord started tapping his chin, thinking "Hrn… can I have a private word with my son before I carry out your command? Oh mighty princess"


It was clear Twilight didn't like to press her power on anyone… not even Discord. She gave a reluctant nod "Ok… but you better not run off Discord. We aren't done with the evaluation yet."


Twilight then turned to Spike "Spike, we need to get a letter to Princess Celestia to explain to her what happened."

You tensed hearing that… shhhiitt


"Anon, come along. We need to have a little chat."

Ohhhhh… noooo..noooo..noooo… things… keep… getting… worse…

"Anon… here… now" As Discord says that, you can feel yourself being pulled towards him as you pass the door's threshold. He then closes the door. to speak with you. And then uses his magic to sound proof it.


"D-Discord… what the fuck… are you doing?"


"I could have asked you the same thing Anon. What in Equestria did you think you were doing using the horn to shift the sun and the moon? I mean it was fantastic but much much too advanced for you in terms of chaos AND the fact that everypony would automatically assume either Princess Celestia or Luna had gone insane or I'd have something to do with it."


He had you there but still. "I was… I was just trying to turn back time. I thought I could do that with the horn to..fix a mistake."


Discord started laughing "Turn back time?! HAHAHAHA, Why would I ever let you have the ability to do that? That isn't chaos, that's just pure destruction. Even Twilight can't be trusted with the power of time travel."


True… she fucked that up pretty bad. But, why did he even have to rat you out? "Ok… but why did you have to sell me out like that? I didn't need her or anyone else knowing! I mean, for fucks sake. I thought we were partners, you're supposed to help me with crap like this."


"And I do, but I can only help so much Anon. How am I supposed to just make something on a global scale just go away?"


"Can't you erase memories… or something?"


Discord sighed, and went on a sarcastic tone "Oh, yes of course, silly me. I should of have used my power to make everypony across the world to forget that the sun and moon went off their cycles in a ridiculous fashion."


You look left and right, you knew he was being sarcastic… but that was exactly what you wanted him to do. "Well, yeah… what's the problem?"


Discord gives you a stoic look "I hate to say this Anon. I really do… but you overestimate my abilities. All my powers, all my magic, are completely chaos based. I think I've explained this before when it came to healing you when you took that nasty beating."


You stare at him, a little annoyed. "Considering you’re the one who gave me that "nasty" beating"


Discord rolls his eyes at you. "Oh please Anon, are you still on about that? I'm actually being serious here… anyway, making everypony forget about the chaos you caused is beyond me. It would be creating order. And that's something I cannot do."


You look straight into his eyes, now you were thinking that was bullshit. "Can't, or won't?"


Discord moves his face closer to yours, challenging your stare with his own "You won't ever find that out… now will you?"


...


You put your hoof to your face, god you hated it when he bullshitted you, and you had no way of proving it. "Fine… so then, all that with Twilight then was just to try to defuse the situation? Because, I'm going to tell you right now. Some of the ponies down in the town automatically assumed this was your fault. How are you going to defuse that?"


"I don't need to, Twilight will take care of that for us without your or me ever being mentioned. See, there are certain advantages of having Fluttershy along for the ride. Twilight would never ever want to cause mass panic by naming a colt as dangerous, especially if one of her best friends is involved in some way. If you look bad, I look bad, and if I look bad, Fluttershy looks bad. No… Twilight will probably explain it as some anomaly."


Something about that sounded fishy to you… namely the part where it sounded like Discord would be immune to trouble due to Fluttershy and you… but… no… he seemed genuine enough. If you had to guess… that was just an added perk he thought up… right?


"No, there is only one issue I'm having at the moment. Honestly I thought my explanation would have been good enough. But I tend to forget just how anti-fun Twilight can be at times when it comes to my brand of merriment."


"What do you mean?"


"Well, she want's me to tone down the power of that horn. I don't intend to do that. That would ruin the fun"


Ruin the fun? "Discord… what exactly did you intend for me to do with the horn when you gave it to me? I mean, the fact I can move the sun and moon is cool. But come on, I can only use it once per day. I probably could have fixed this myself if I could at least use it twice."


"And that's the problem… you say twice, but it could be three… four... five times. Anon, I gave you the horn as a reward. You may not have noticed. But you have quite a knack at chaos. You just have no sense of actually utilizing it in a way that makes it most humorous while keeping out of trouble. Hence the limit… and yet you still managed to screw up."


A knack at chaos. Well… you sort of did… but, not generally. "Discord. Look. I admit that me knowing stuff about Equestria through the show and the fact I'm not a total pansy makes me pretty good at it. But I don't want to just bring it down on everybody. Just villains… and if we get the chance, Diamond Tiara's mom… I… really hate her.." And this wasn't even due to Diamond Tiara herself. This was more personal. She was vicious as all fuck, with no remorse. "And as for me screwing up… maybe if you had told me what I could and couldn't do with the horn. Then maybe I would have had a better grasp at what it does. Don't blame this all on me. If anything, Twilight was right about one thing. That's a lot of fucking power to give me all at once. You should have given me some sort of instruction manual."


Discord shrugged at you "Anon, where's that sense of fun you have? Are you going to honestly tell me that chaos needs an instruction manual? You're supposed to be the smart, sensible human who has knowledge of the show. You should have had enough insight to realize the power that horn possesses. You're lucky I'm not going to downgrade it, even though I should with the way you're acting."


The way you were acting?! "Dammit… you know.." You point your hoof at Discord angrily "It's not like it's easy for me to fix my mistakes. I'm not used to being a pony, much less having to be a kid again. Not to mention I don't have the luxury of having bullshit magic to use at my leisure to crack jokes and torment people. Everytime I fuck up, I have to go through ridiculous lengths to fix it. When you fuck up, you just act like an asshole and it fixes itself anyway because either you can easily make amends or Fluttershy covers your ass. All I want is a little respect and help when I need it. Is that too much to ask?"


Discord let's out a "Hmph", your words don't seem to sit well with him. "A little selfish don't you think? I've given you more help and respect than you'd ever get from anypony had you remained a human. I've given you a happy home, a loving aunt, a door to go to town at your leisure, a powerful magical artifact, a very charming body, healthy and delicious meals, and I've made sure to make your integration into Equestria an easy one. And you think that's not help enough? Then tell me Anon… what more do I need to do. Because I'm listening."


Discord's expression was very serious, and even looking rather disappointed in you… and fuck… he… he was right about that. "I… mnnn… well..." You sigh. "Ok… maybe I'm being a little pissy. I'm sorry… I've just had other things on my mind..."


Discord smiled at you, and gave you a gentle pet and ruffled your mane "Oh I figured. Having second thoughts on your little love triangle are we?"


"How do… you know about it being a triangle?"


Discord chuckled "I do keep tabs on you from time to time you know.When I saw you were in bed with a filly. I had to keep an ear open on you."


Mnnn.. "You thought I was going to do something… sexual?"


"Pfffft, no. I thought you were just getting way in over your head. No, if I was worried about you doing something sexual, then I probably would have been too late by the time she was on your bed."


You didn't at all want to be reminded of the issues you were having by giving in to Diamond and putting down Applebloom. You knew when you were to sit them both down that it was going to be a pretty miserable experience. "So… do you think you can help me in some way with that?"


Discord shook his head "Why would I? I'm not going to get involved with females and their relationship issues. That's not even a form of chaos, it's just gross. But I do wish you luck on that. Now then, we should cut this conversation short. Twilight can be so impatient when it comes to me."


You felt a little anger at him not helping you. But you couldn't get really mad. You couldn't… you shouldn't. He was right, he's helped you so much so far. even if you compared to whatever help you've given. It didn't equate to his.


You were just frustrated… that was it. And then… what about.. "What about the horn? Twilight is going to expect you to lower it's power."


"True, well, I suppose I could comply a little. Can you lend me the horn for a moment? If I absolutely must… then I suppose I will comply with the mighty princess of friendship"


You grab your saddlebag with your teeth and hold it up to Discord as he takes it from you. "I thought you weren't going to make it weaker at all?"


Discord takes up the horn and looks at it and gives it a tap "At first I wasn't. But Twilight Sparkle is a special kind of nuisance sometimes. She's going to expect some kind of result. There, I've given the horn an extra charge and made it weaker."


You were curious. "How much weaker?"


"It is now impossible to turn salad blue, a little severe I know. But it had to be done"


"That's it?"


Discord nods "That's it… I keep my word and you can still get some daily practicing at mastering it. Everpony wins… except salad… what a miserable loss that is"


As funny as that was. You couldn't laugh. You felt a little bit like a schmuck again. But Discord, he just shrugged it off like it was nothing..


Probably for the best he didn't help you anyway. You were beginning to feel like you were one of those people who sat around expecting others to give them shit. And never fixing problems on your own. You were, you were going to do it. But, you thought you could get some extra help.
It was fine though. You were an adult. You could stand on your own two feet… four hooves...


Discord noticed you didn't even smile at his joke. and gives you a gentle pat on the back "Come now Anon, you're either supposed to laugh or get annoyed at me. Just standing there is very eerie. Makes me think you've lost your soul."


Huh.. "S-..." Before you could even say anything else, your mouth zips up like a zipper.


"Anon, if you apologize to me, I'll get… Well… I don't know what I'll get. But I just don't want to hear it, understand?"


You look at Discord. He didn't want to hear anything schmaltzy. He just wanted to get along with his day and get this over with. That was probably the best idea anyway, as that would mean Twilight would be done with her business and she could address the ponies that witnessed the cycle change.


You nod to Discord, prompting him to unzip your mouth. "Good, now then. Our plan of action is simple. We go in, let Twilight finish her evaluation. And if she asks about the horn..." Discord stops and waits for you to answer, to see if you were on the same page.


"We just fake it being weaker?"


Discord nods "There we go. That's exactly it… now cheer up already. If anything, I did find your little stunt amusing. If only for Twilight's hilarious reaction. She almost tried to zap me with magic herself until she realized I wasn't doing anything."


"Woah what? She tried to attack you?"


Discord nods "Almost. As if she could take me down by herself. I thought it was hilarious. I wish she had actually tried. Would have been more fun to toy with her. Imagine, having a battle with her until you showed up to say it was your fault… ohhh… ohhh, the reaction she would have had would have been enough to sweeten my morning coffee for centuries."


Now you laugh, that's a funny way to put it. And imagining Twilight realize she went on the offensive for nothing is pretty hilarious. Especially since she was throwing her weight on Discord as the "Princess of Friendship”.


"There we are. A nice happy smile. I do enjoy a good laugh sometimes. But alas, now we must deal with Twilight. Are you ready Anon?"


You nod. You also came to a realization. Discord did respect you… in his own way. You began to realize he actually does care for you. He has been probably lying to you all this time about it being anything else but him caring. All this time… And yet here he was. Making sure you were cheered up. And going against Twilight's word so you could practice up with the horn.


Despite him playing games with you,he truly cared about your well being. And even moreso, it seemed he likes the chaos you were apparently capable of causing. He did really, you had a picture as proof.


Maybe it wasn't accepting being a regular colt that you should have been doing. You should have been just been yourself… for the most part anyway. You and Discord was in this for the long haul together. Just on his ridiculous plan to make life for him and Fluttershy easier. It was truly outrageous he'd do this just because he hated Twilight's seminar. But that was him.



But you couldn't deny it. Despite him messing with you, and sometimes even tormenting you. He made a damned good effort at providing you a good life after stripping you away from your old shitty one. He was right, he's given you a lot of help. And the fact you were his partner in a sense on all this.That he saw you as such. Yeah… that was actually pretty respectful given what a speck you are compared to him in terms of power and age. The only things he even really expected of you was to continue pretending to be his son, embrace chaos, and not upset Fluttershy. Otherwise, he seemed to find any antics you made enjoyable. He said you had a "knack" for it. It started to make you think.


And as you thought. You realized. Deep down. You weren't the best guy anyway. And you didn't think that was a bad thing. You were working so hard to integrate you were forgetting who you were. You weren't some goody two shoes. You were Anon. You wanted a happy relaxing life sure, you wanted to make friends with the ponies that was fine, hell… you didn't mind being Fluttershy's "nephew", that was comfy as all hell. But you didn't want life to be fucking boring either, and stumping cheeselegs was some of the best fun you ever had.


Discord did that, Discord let you have that experience. And you knew deep inside that he enjoyed doing it with you. The statue, the family photos, even taking a picture with you and bugbutt. This fucking guy… What a class act. Even putting up with you when you were actually being a chicken shit or a pussy.


That was it though… in a nutshell. Discord was your best friend. Maybe not to him, Fluttershy took that spot. But you were probably high up there since you we're the only one he could find to partake in chaotic fun, mess with, and not be an evil cuntbag like Tirek.


There was only one thing to do. "Yup… seeya."


"Seeya? what?" Now Discord was confused.


"Yeah, I still got to get some extra sleep before school starts. Twilight, as far as I could tell, is just having an evaluation with you… so uh… bye"


"Now hold on!" Discord waves his finger to turn you around as you went to walk off "What exactly brought this on?"


You shrug and smirk at him. "Nothing really, but you taught me something Discord."


"Oh… and what would that be?"


"That causing a little chaos can be fun if you do it right. And that you actually really care about me."


Discord ignores the former, and goes right into the latter. "Is "Really" a word you should use? it's a little much isn't it?"


Moment of truth. "Am I wrong?"


You stare at him… Would he lie about this? And if he did, you'd be able to catch it this time. You've been around him long enough to know when he's lying. At least, when he's lying poorly.
But he doesn't say anything. He just stares at you. "Well played Anon, you're finally learning. Took you long enough"


You chuckle. "Only took a few knocks on the head, a few freak outs, and a relationship I should have never gotten into to figure it all out… gotta tell you Discord, I'm having a ball right now. I knew it, I knew deep down you cared about me more than you let on."


Discord gives you a soft, caring smile for once. "I suppose you've got me Anon. Well Done" He
claps "Bravo… though… you should choose your words more wisely next time..." His smile started to become a little sinister.


Oh… what? "What… what do you mean by t-...w-woah what?!" You suddenly found yourself inside a ball as it rolled slowly backwards towards the stairs.


Discord put his paw and talons on the ball and planted his face right on it to look at you, the ball was transparent. and he was just smiling. "If you thought you were having a ball now… then you're going to love this" He was slowly rolling the ball towards the steps.


"D-discord wait! DISCORD WAIT! DON'T DO IT YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"


"What was that Anon? I can't hear you." Discord chortled


"DISCORD! GODDAMMIT! I SWEAR TO GOWAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!OW AHH OUCH GAH!"


Discord gently pushed you down the stairs, waving to you a goodbye "Ta ta, Anon! see you later… or in a few minutes. Depends if Twilight needs to see you for something."


"SDASSDESFSEFDSFSDFEFSFSD" And so you tumbled down, down the stairs and into a wormhole with more stairs until you came out the other end. the ball disappearing as you land on your bed from your backside. You couldn't see straight. and felt like puking.


"G-....gg....g.g..g....g......g.....g.....mnnn..." Goddamn that fucking guy… ugh.. You could barely move… you slowly turned to your side and just tried to get ahold of your senses.


You did after a while, and began to calm down. You never suddenly got teleported back to Twilight's castle either. Discord must have told her you needed your sleep or something… maybe, who knows what he told her. But you had a new understanding now. A better one than the "be a colt" thing. You just hoped you could pull it off in practice.


Dammit Discord....

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