• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

  • ...
66
 2,803
 10,516

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 149 - The Nightmare Night Arc

"I was in hot water. There was no back exit and these griffons already sounded like they wanted to pick a fight. I had to think fast. But what was I going to do? There was no place to hide, and I had a feeling they didn't like ponies snooping around and eavesdropping on their plans. I really didn't want to get my hooves dirty, but what else was I supposed to do? Sometimes when you find yourself back against a corner, you had to fight for your life. I had a lot I had to weigh on.”

“There was three of them, and one of me. But, I did have some fight experience. You don't live as long as I do without knowing how to get out of a few scrapes. I remember this bar my pops took me to once. It was a griffon bar, smackdab in the dirtier parts of Manehattan. They weren't the type to take anything lightly. Nah, I was caught up in a bar fight. And while the way I won wasn't what I'd call classy. A win is a win."

"I decide to face them head on. I open the door and go back to the main room where all the merchandise is displayed. Definitely three of them. There was a dumb skinny looking one, that was most likely Greg. That burly fella had to be Divebeak. Because the griffon in the middle was the biggest, meanest, and evil eyed griffon I've ever seen. That one, he had to be Sharpclaw"

"Yeah I'm Sharpclaw, what in the hay are ya doin' here kid? Can't ya see the place is closed? Why don't you run along and go home. your parents are probably worried sick"

"Too late, I already heard everything. You three are under arrest. Now, are you going to give up quietly or does this have to turn into a massacre?"

"A massacre? HAHAHAHA. Greg, Sharpclaw. get a load of this kid. A massacre he says....Listen squirt, we aren't the types to pick on no kid. So, if ya promise not to say anything and go on yer way. We don't have to rough ya up. You don't wanna rat us out. These guys are con artists. They rip ponies off. That's why we're here, to take what's ours"

"And what about the hole in the wall with the gems in the storage room back there? Looks to me like you we're taking what you thought was yours for awhile"

"So ya saw that, huh? Last chance kid. Forget what ya saw, and vamoose. Because I'm always willing to make an exception."

"He raised his talons up, bearing his sharp claws. He must have thought that was going to scare me. Well, you can't break the resolve of a detective who is worth his salt, beans, taters...heck, the whole dinner plate. No, the only way I'm gonna give up on this case is when my heart stops beating"

"Hey boss, what's up with this kid? He's doing some creepy ventriloquist thing. Gives me the willies."

"Grow up Greg, it's just a kid. And sheesh, are you talkin' actual murder? Listen kid, I don't know what's going on with you. But you're looking like the type who'd actually rat us out"

"Could have sworn I already said that, like I said. You're all under arrest."

"...We're all under arrest....you're really gonna pull that, huh? Ok then copper, we'll do it your way. Divebeak, close the blinds. Things are gonna get a little nasty"

"The room got dark, the only thing lighting it now was the strikes of lightning and the glow of my horn. What a place to have a brawl. Small, no where to go, and with these big bozos? There wasn't that much leg room. Sorry Chryssi, but I might have to put a permanent hold on that movie date."

"Alright you punks, let's see what you got"

"Greg, yer up. Just give the kid a few slaps until he starts crying for mommy"

"Yeah...but can I have a cool name afterwards?"

"...Greg..yer about to beat up a kid. Do ya really want a name based off of that?"

"Y'know...maybe?"

"...Just go slap the kid till he cries...."

"I actually found this insulting. This guy was a real nobody, a "who's who of who the who is that?". He came up to slap me as if I was some little kid. Sad for him, he didn't know what he was dealing with. When he raised his talon to slap me. I gave him the old one two right in the face. Then a jump and a kick in the noggin finished him off, right on the ground. Pitiful, even the Doopy duo back home we're tougher than this"

"Sharpclaw...is he really narrating how he took down Greg?"

"Ah don't care that he's narrating. It's the fact that he actually did it. Geez Greg, you didn't even touch him."

"Of course he didn't touch me, never send a fledgling to do a griffon's job. So, which one of you fledglings wanna go down next?"

"This kid is really funny. So you took down Greg, big deal. Greg was always a big wuss anyway. Only reason we we're willing to split the loot with him was because nopony would suspect a doofus like him of hiding everything at his house. But ok kid, ya got yer wish. I just hope you like hospital food. Divebeak, I don't wanna dull my talons."

"With pleasure, kinda sick of him talking all weird. And after I'm done with him, I'm gonna find out where that music is coming from. It's driving me nuts"

"This Divebeak guy, what a class act he was. Had a wicked smile to go with that long beak of his. I thought he was going to treat me lightly like his meek buddy. But I was wrong, dead wrong. I wasn't ready for a massive slug right to the kisser. I flew to the wall and fell down on my face. Y'know, I never like falling on my face or head. It's like listening to a broken record. It just repeats itself and it makes you wanna blow your brains out."

"I quickly got on my hooves and jumped on the counter to give the guy a buck to his face. But he was fast. They didn't call him Divebeak for nothin'. He snapped his golden beak on my leg and threw me across the room and into a glass case. Ugh, it shattered and pierced me in a few places. I wouldn't have minded if it didn't give a few scratches to my hat too"

"Niiiice, didn't know you actually had it in ya to beat up a kid, Divebeak."

"I am not going to jail because of some kid. He asked for it. So why not oblige him? Hehehehehe"

"This was bad, before I can even get up; He grabbed me between his talons and slammed me into the ground. Pain, thy name is Anon"

"Give up? Or am I gonna have to squeeze you like a chew toy?"

"I still....have one...trick up my sleeve...."

"Oh? And what's that?"

"Why my trusty sidearm of course. I whip out my slingshot and peg him right in the eye with a pellet. Magic, ain't it somethin?"

"WHY YOU LITTLE! YOU-AGHGHHHH"

"Of course, with him preoccupied. I let him in on the secret art of Break balljitsu. But it looked like he couldn't handle it. Just screeched and went to sleep like a comatose patient. This wasn't so tough. Looks like I'm gonna see some bug blastin' action tonight with my favorite gal"

"Just me and you now pal, ya sure you wanna rumble?"

"Wow, just...amazin'. I should have known those two couldn't hack it. Kid, let me let you in on a secret. Those two guys? They were just some mooks I met when I got the job. Me? haha...well, I've tangled with Princess Celestia's best guards and they still couldn't take me. you think this is my first job?"

"I know it's gonna be your last job. Come on, you ain't any tougher than these two punks. Are ya sure you wanna take me on?"

"Hehehehe, with pleasure kid....with pleasure"

"This guy, he didn't know what he was getting into"

"I aim my slingshot and let out a stream of pellets. Like a tommy gun really. I didn't even know I could shoot this fast. Real wild west stuff"

"But I may have overestimated this guy. He was using a single claw to deflect my barrage."

"Yeah, ain't happening kid. There's a reason they call me Sharpclaw."

"Darn it, the guy was fast. I try a trickier maneuver of throwing my slingshot at his face while I rush up to give him a helping of ball busting pain."

"But the guy could multitask. At the same moment he slices my slingshot in two, he flaps his wings right at me. creating a gust strong enough to sweep me off my hooves and right into the wall. I had no idea how he was able to deduce my fighting style. It was a mostly secret art in this world."

"Give it up kid, you're gonna meet yer maker if you keep trying"

"Meet my maker? Not an appointment I was planning to make any time soon. I try a more dazzling approach, some real circus stuff. I start running up the wall and along the ceiling and try a drop kick on the guy."

"You know, you'd probably have an easier time if you didn't make yourself so obvious. The ventriloquy doesn't help. So you can run along the ceiling. So what? Yer only way down is well...going down"

"He was right, he grabbed my leg and flung me back into the wall. I know they say pain only makes you tougher, but I was feeling pretty broken right now. Only thing keeping me together was my resolve"

"I force myself to get back up, I couldn't let my career end here. There was a lot on the line right now. I wondered how he handles punches powerful enough to send him to the most northern star in the sky."

"I juke in like some old time boxer, get up on my back legs and release my hooves of fury right at his chest. But this griffon, he really was something else. He just stepped back, and deflected all my punches with a single claw. Matching my speed without any effort. Then he....oh, well...this might hurt."

"You ain't kidding"

"He grabs my leg and twists it until there's a loud snapping noise. My eyes went wide, It's like I could see everything and nothing. I was down for the count. I never felt this kind of pain before. Not very child friendly if you asked me."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Gotta hand it to you kid, that was almost a fight I'd remember. But yer like every other pony who thinks they could take on a griffon. Though, gotta thank ya. I get to keep all the loot to myself. So don't feel bad, two out of three ain't bad"

"I felt like a kitten without it's mother, while a bunch of kids terrorized it with bags and bombs. I couldn't move my right foreleg. It hurt something fierce. I tried to get up for another fight. But he was ignoring me at this point. Ready to take the goods and skedaddle"

"Too bad you're not better at magic kid, but a colt is a colt. And sometimes they need a little discipline"

"Magic...oh right. For being classy and smooth. I sure was a blockhead sometimes. I try to focus my leg to aim at the guy. I could barely move it, and even trying made me want to just sleep and not exist anymore. Yep, if I didn't do something spectacular then it'd be the one two count for this investigator "

"Aim? With your leg? Gotta admit, I'm surprised you can do that little act of yours without screaming and stammering. But what is aAGH!"

"Direct hit! nothing like a literal rocket leg to even the odds. Yeah, somethin you'd see right out of those fancy smancy science fiction comics. And with the launch of my broken leg meant the pain was gone. Yep, like a lizard letting go his caught tail."

"Like a pugilist who doesn't know when to quit. I was ready for another round. Balancing on three legs was kind of tough though."

"What in the hay?....what are you?!"

"Detective, Child of Chaos, and an avid lover of ponuts"

"....What's a ponut?"

"Don't ask....Anyway, I ain't gonna give you the chance this time. I'm gonna take you down."

"You know what? That's funny. I was thinking the same thing. Nopony gets a leg up on Sharpclaw and gets away with it"

"A leg up, eh? I can oblige that."

"I called back my leg and snapped it on to my body. Now that it was made of metal. That pain was just a dream. I get on my two back legs and put my two forelegs forward. Turning them into a drill. And I dive right into Sharpclaw. I didn't plan to go through him or nothin'. Because the moment I made impact, I was gonna uppercut him right on the beak. And this time, it'd actually do somethin'"

"Now that's some crazy magic. But my ma taught me to never get caught by surprise. I've waited a long time for a challenge like you. I'd say it's pathetic since it's a kid. But you ain't no normal kid. En guarde!"

"He brandishes his claw once more as I drill right at it. This was a clash of legend. His claw was actually strong enough to defend against my drilling abilities. If I didn't know any better. I'd wager that he's somehow augmented his claws to deflect magic. Because it was harder to crack than a wall safe"

"Good guess detective, Magic isn't anything I have to worry about....GRAWR"

"He deflected me, I land on my hooves and stare him down. He just clenched his talons a couple of times and kissed one"

"Yeah, these are the pride to any griffon who wants to fight. So I have to make sure they are sharp and ready. And since I know you ain't no normal colt. I'm gonna have to slice you to ribbons."

"He charged at me with a growl, I slammed my metal hoof into his claw with enough force to send us both back. And when we rushed back into the fray, we started clanging our hoof and claw like they were swords. Sometimes I'd make headway, but it's obvious he had much more experience then I did. Like a newbie swordsman against a professional fencer, I was getting the point that I needed to sharpen my skills right quick. "

"You know, I'm really gettin' to dig this commentary of yours. It's good to know that yer out of your league"

"Buddy, if only you knew the real power I got"

"It's impressive, but ya don't have the power to beat me.You must of come from that princess's fancy smancy school of losers"

"I jump up in the air and do a spinning slash with my headpiece, making my horn longer and sharp like a sword. But his claws, they wouldn't break. He just deflects me back into the wall. But I was ready this time. I bounce off the wall like I was a ball and dive for his rear. A pain that would last a thousand years, or so I was told by an ole' travelling ninja"

"Maybe, if ya didn't tell me what you we're gonna do..."

"He jumped up in the air, dodging me as I stick right into the bottom of a display case. Well darn, I was sure that'd be it."

"Oh it's gonna be. I've had fun kid, but that horn has got to go"

"He plucked me from the display case and held me up by the tail. Felt like a darned veggie at harvest. He smirked at me as he put his claw to my head and traced it painfully along to my horn."

"This is gonna be the worse pain ya ever felt kid. You should be happy, if ya survive you'll definitely be tougher than any stallion I know, HAHAHAHAHAHA"

"He tried slicing up the horn like it was a loaf of pepperoni. But he couldn't do it. The horn itself was just as tough, if not tougher, than his claw. What a relief, I didn't feel like screaming like a little sissy girl tonight."

"What? No horn is durable enough to survive my claw.....WHY...WON'T...YOU...CUT?!"

"I had my chance, my trump card, an attack that'd you'd only see from the east."

“What in the hay are ya talking about?!....WHY WON'T THIS THING CUT!?"

"Ka"

"NO HORN...NO HORN IS TOUGHER THAN MY CLAW!"

"Me"

"Maybe if I crush it....c'monnnnn"

"Ha"

"Shaddap kid, I'm trying to focus"

"Me"

"C'mooooonnnnn...GRRRR! What are ya even doing anyway?"

"HAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"And like the light given by the angels above. It descended right onto Sharpclaw like sweet sweet retribution. Sure I was slammed into the ceiling and started to sink upwards into it as I blasted a continuous beam of energy. But I wasn't the only one being plastered."

"NGGGHHH, W-WWWHAT IS THIS! MY CLAWS..I GOTTA!"

"He brought up his claws, his sharp talon claws, to block the shot. And to my own amazement. He was able to split the beam...but only for so long. Eventually those fabled claws of his snapped to a superior power. And the beam finished him off. Sending him through the wall and into the storage room. Lights out"

"I stop firing my beam and flip off the ceiling back to the ground. I dusted off my trenchcoat and straightened my fedora as I stuck a victory lollipop into my mouth... Felt kind of bad I couldn't beat him with my own wits and strengths. But hey, this horn was just like my slingshot. A tool to help me close this case. I went over to Sharpclaw first. Yeah, he got knocked out cold"

"Now, as I was saying. Yer all under arrest for extortion and grand larceny. Nopony move!"

"Course, none of them we're in the position to move. But ya always gotta do it by the book. Heck, after getting slapped around a little. Gettin' the chance to officially put them under arrest felt better than a hoof massage from your honey"

"I cuffed em, and made sure they wouldn't be going anywhere anytime soon. I take a couple of snapshots of the scene and start writing a letter to Shining Armor. He was a stand up guy that Shining Armor. A lover of justice and a guy who would stand up for anypony in need. I knew he'd be the right guy to inform to get this all cleared up"

"I put the letter and the snapshots into a bag. I even throw in a stone with voice recordings of the entire incident. The only thing I leave out is my name. Hate to be all mysterious about it, but I felt it was best if he didn't know who actually deserved the credit. It's a thankless job, but somepony has got to do it"

"Case closed"

And with that, color began to return in your immediate vicinity. The case was solved. And so the spell was complete. The music stopped, and your thoughts were no longer broadcast to anyone close by to hear.

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!