• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 21,780 Views, 3,537 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 202 - Twilight Week Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Scootaloo comes to terms
Pinkie comes to play
And Anon is ready to bring it on

You sat at the castle steps. Alone.

Your mind began to wander. Were you being too much of an ass? Maybe not. RD herself was an ass. Were you being too pessimistic?...nah, you just wanted to make sure everything worked.

this was not going to be easy. You nor Rainbow Dash had time to choreograph anything. So how the fuck was everything going to go smoothly?

"Hey Anon....can I talk to you?"

That voice...

You look up, it was Scootaloo. Hanging back behind her was Applebloom and Sweetie Belle.

Scootaloo herself looked sad and repentant. She was having a hard time looking you in the eye.

"Scootaloo?" If she came back looking like that...then. "Yeah..what's up?" You spoke gently, you already guessed immediately what was coming. And yet, you could still feel your heart softening up.

"The girls and I have been talking. And, I think I get it now. You didn't want any of this to happen right? It was just Snips and Snails fault....right?"

It was. If they weren't just fucking idiots. This wouldn't have happened.

And looking at poor Scootaloo. Yeah, you could tell for sure she felt bad for what she did.

"Yeah..I didn't even know they took your club members or trash talked Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo, I'm sorry that it happened."

Scootaloo shook her head, saddened by her own actions, she starts to tear up. "Don't be, I shouldn't have gotten angry at you without knowing the full story first. It was my bad. I'm the one who's sorry for all this."

And before you could reply, she goes in for a hug. You could see Applebloom and Sweetie Belle reacting positively to the tender moment.

...dammit Scootaloo. You felt like you yourself was going to cry. Why did fillies have to be so fucking cute? It just made it harder not to be sad for them. "It's alright Scootaloo, really. You just got caught up in the moment. I'm not mad at you or anything."

Scootaloo stepped back a little, she still had something on her mind. "Anon...how could you not be angry after what I did? You do realize Rainbow Dash is going to pound you into the dirt right?....it's..." She looks down in shame "It's my fault that's going to happen."

....Well then..despite the sad moment. It was, sarcastically speaking, so nice to hear her vote of confidence in you. She really thought the fight was going to be real as well. Mission accomplished?
"Yeah....well..err, that's not going to happen b-"

But Scootaloo interrupts you. "What do you mean that's not going to happen?! Anon, she's going to grind you into nothing if you fight her. You have to tell her you're not willing to fight. Or you're just going to get hurt! I'm telling you!" Scootaloo was sure you were going to get pounded. And she just didn't want to see it happen. "I need to fix this somehow!"

No nonononono "No Scootaloo, you don't get it! I already spoke to Rainbow Dash. We're going to fake the entire fight to get your members back and hopefully put an end to my club" You speak to her frantically and quickly, nearly falling down the steps as you try to get her not to go.

She does indeed stop, and turns around. She seemed perplexed "So...the entire fight is going to be faked?"

"W-well yeah. Is that a problem?"

"......" Scootaloo kept silent at first. She actually did want to see the fight happen. But also didn't. It was a conflict of interest really. It was her wanting you to be ok versus wanting to see an awesome fight with her favorite hero in it. "N-no problem. I just thought it was weird that Rainbow Dash agreed to that sort of thing. But that's good....that's good...because everything will be ok"

You hoped to god it would be. "Yeah, it should be"

"Anon...can I ask you one last thing?" Scootaloo started to rub her right foreleg nervously. "Can I....have the wings back?..P-please?"

You chuckle, yeah. She could have them back now that she apologized. How could you deny such a cute face? "Yeah, hold on.."

You reach into your saddle bag for the wings, Spike seemed to have put them in there after all, and pass them to her "Here you go.."

"...Thanks Anon...So..can we pretend this never happened? Please...I kind of feel stupid about it"

You nod, of course. It was just her being a silly child. Easily forgivable. "What happened again?" You smirk at her.

She smiles back. But as she does, Sweetie Belle comes up from behind her and butts in. "Ok ok, now that THAT'S settled. It's my turn. Now Anon, you know what I'm gonna ask, right?"

"Hey, Sweetie Belle, what's the rush?" Scootaloo stepped aside, annoyed at Sweetie Belle's actions "Can't you see Anon and me are settling things up?"

"Did you already apologize?" Sweetie Belle asked, impatiently

"Well yeah..but you know. I mean..." Scootaloo then realized why she was being so pushy "Are you still on about that whole date thing? Come on, Anon probably never even went. Diamond Tiara is ok and all. But it didn't work out last time, it's not gonna work out now."

....oh lord. "A-actually Scootaloo...."

Scootaloo noticed the hint of hesitance in her voice. And as her eyes widened, Sweetie Belle's smile grew. "Anon...are you telling me...Really? Again?"

"Yes! YES! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT WOULD WORK! NOW I CAN TELL PRINCESS Cadance AND-" Sweetie Belle was dancing around, but as she turned. She saw Applebloom. Who didn't look too pleased about the whole thing. ".....uuhhmmm..Applebloom?"

"Yeah?" Applebloom raised an eyebrow at Sweetie Belle, looking rather ticked about the whole thing.
"....umm...are you alright?" Sweetie Belle's excitement immediately dropped. Now filled with worry for her friend and for herself for her own actions.
"I'm fine...just ah-" Applebloom's eyes turned towards you. You immediately felt a chill go down your spine from her cold stare. "wonderin' why Anon and Diamond Tiara are together again. Y'know, after that whole "dumping the both of us" thing."
"Applebloom, I kinda told you that was the plan. You seemed fine with it before. What changed?" Sweetie Belle was now confused.
You weren't. You knew exactly what happened. She was thinking it wouldn't succeed at all. But holy shit, why was she acting like this?! Didn't she get over you? You were sure that she did.
"Oh no no...a'hm totally fine with it. a'hm just wonderin' how it all went" Applebloom was genuinely curious. But only due to the fact she wanted to know why you went with her at all. While also doing her best to tell herself that she never stood a chance anyway. And that in the end, like her sister told her, it was a crush...crushes come and go...they come and go.
"oh..Well Anon, how did it go? You remembered the cutely dashing thing, right?" Sweetie Belle started to feel that excitement again. Thinking her friend was alright.
"..y-yeah, everything went fine..."
You were going to regret this. You were sure of it. But dammit Applebloom. She had to understand that she wasn't first choice. Nor did she stand a chance at this point. God, you didn't need this again...not now.
"One date and she's already my marefriend. P-pretty good huh?"

"Yes! haha!" Sweetie Belle rushed up to give you a big pat on the back "I knew you could do it! Yay! Now I can report back to Princess Cadance and....and..." Sweetie Belle actually couldn't remember what her prize was, or if she was going to get one at all, she was so pent up with excitement all she could remember that it was an “important task” she was given and she would WOULD complete it. "And....ern..I'll get something. Whatever, doesn't matter. Because everything went right!" Sweetie Belle nodded in confidence.

You chuckled nervously....oh god..please somebody...ANYBODY...SOMEONE HELP!

"Yeah, ah guess everything went right for ya Anon. Ah really hope yer happy. Because I'm happy for ya..."Applebloom smiled, a smile that would make Pinkie's senses go off like no tomorrow. There was no way that was a real smile.

Dammit Applebloom.Just let it the fuck go. The hell?

What did she see in you anyway at this point? No, she was probably just afflicted with jealousy. That has to be it. She needs to fucking realize that she wasn't for you. And you weren't for her. God, she was stubborn. Stubborn as her sister. Stubborn as their granny. Holy fuck, the entire apple family is stubborn as fuck. You were sure you wouldn't have gotten this shit from Sweetie Belle or Scootaloo.

as you smile back nervously. Another familiar voice is heard in the background. "Anon! Yo, Anon! I'm back!"

Oh thank god....thank fucking god. You were never happier to see that purple dragon in your whole life. You immediately break from the three fillies and run up towards Spike.

He was wheeling a wheelbarrow chock full of stuff. Damn, Pinkie really let him have a haul.

"Hold on girls, Spike is back. Gotta get this whole fake fight thing rolling. So uh, seeya later. Ok? And no worries ok Scootaloo?"

"Yeah, no pro-...oh..ok" Scootaloo's words are stopped short as you just rush away without hearing her reply.

Sweetie Belle thankfully was already content.

And Applebloom would just have to get over her childish stubborn shit.

You walk up to Spike, trying to get Applebloom's mood out of your head.

you take notice of all the fireworks and party explosives in the wheelbarrow. "Wow, Spike. How'd you get all that stuff?"

Spike stops wheeling the wheelbarrow and walks to its side, he starts to pat the items on the wheel barrel. But he wasn't acting cocky. "Oh, all this? Well, it wasn't easy. I did have to tell Pinkie everything and make her Pinkie Promise not to say anything else to anypony."

Well, it didn't sound that hard. "Sounds like it went exactly as expected actually."

"Yeah...about that" Spike said, before he could even say what he means. Pinkie pops her head out from under the fireworks.

"Heya Nonny!"

Pinkie?! W-why was she? "Ponk?! W-why are you here?"

Shit. You already could figure it out. She wanted to help. And..that wasn't too bad. But dammit, she was as spastic as she was cute. If she was noticed during the fight. It might ruin the plan.

"Why not?" Pinkie hopped out of the pile and onto the ground "I figured you'd need my help since all these party fireworks are a specialty of mine. Annnndddd...I've got everything you need too! From cherry bombs to royal candles to sparklers to rockets to cracklers to spitfires and everything inbetween! Not to mention that I can set them off exactly when you need them"

"Pinkie, how many times do I have to tell you. I'm a dragon, I'm perfectly capable of doing that. We're also not supposed to be very noticeable. I think somepony might notice you dashing between the bushes. If they catch you, then they'll know the whole fight is a fake" It seems Spike was on to the same idea.

Pinkie waved her hoof dismissively at him "Oh Spike, you worry too much. And besides, do you know how to properly and safely set up fireworks so it doesn't end up making everything burst into flames?"

".......uhhh...don't you just point it all up in the air?" It seemed simple to him.

Pinkie shook her head "It's more than just that. You have to make sure it's set down properly so it doesn't burn the grass or go flying into other ponies...or I guess in this case I'd have to try to make some try to run into Rainbow Dash....point is. Do you know how to do that? Or even know the length of fuse to use or proper mounting techniques?"

"....point it...up? or at Rainbow Dash? Look Pinkie, it really doesn't see-Hey!" Spike gets surprised by Pinkie when Pinkie tosses him a rocket from the pile.

"Set this up and aim at me Spike." Pinkie looked at him with a goofy smile "one hundred points if you hit my snout"

"WHAT?!" Spike put the rocket back on the pile " I'm not doing that! You're crazy!"

"Crazy like a tree Spike, Crazy like a tree" Pinkie looked at him with a sharp grin as she pointed at her own head "If you can't aim this at me, what makes you think you could actually shoot it at Rainbow Dash"

She had a point actually. you needed some things shot at Rainbow Dash to make it seem real. But then again.....thinking about it now...

"I...err..." Spike came to the same conclusion. Shooting rockets at a pony was nuts. "Hold on...why did we even think this was a good idea again?"

"Uhhh...I think we didn't think how dangerous it could actually be...oy" This was getting to be too much.

Pinkie just smiled and took the rocket and set it down. "You two worry too much" She then started giggling. "Here we go!"

Wait what?! Holy shit! She was lighting it with a match she suddenly had in her mouth. Where did it even come from?!

Both you and Spike step back from the rocket as Pinkie dashes a few yards ahead.

"Pinkie?! What are you doing?! That's dangerous!" Spike yells out

"Oh geez! It's right next to the wheelbarrow!" Goddammit! She was gonna blow everything up!

You and Spike both dive away right then the rocket shoots off, it flips in the air, jets about, then heads right towards Pinkie. All without setting off the other rockets.

"Pinkie!"

"Ponk! Watch out!"

Pinkie just stands there smiling. And then she...closes her eyes?! What the fuck was she thinking?!

"Get out of the way!" You both yell

But Pinkie doesn't

Pinkie...what the fuck was she doing? She was gonna blow up!

"And....NOW!" Pinkie raises her right foreleg, smacking the rocket right before it collides with her. sending it straight up in the air, it then explodes upon careening into the upper sky.

S-she...deflected it? "How did you..."

"Do that?!" Both you and Spike was impressed. How?!

"Easy, being the party planner that I am. I familiarized myself with every type of firework and how they work and fly. I guess you can call it "Rocket" Science" “ Pinkie started giggling at her own pun. "Anyway, I know how to fire off anything at Rainbow Dash in a way that she could deflect it too. It's easy peasy and Rainbow Dash has the reflexes to manage it. So.....can I help? Plleeeeeeeeease?" Pinkie Pie gives you both huge adorable eyes and a pout. She really really wanted to help...and after that display.

"Spike...I think we might need her"

Spike nods "Yeah...geez, Pinkie never ceases to be amazing"

Amazing...or just fucking insane.

You let Pinkie in on it. You both do. With that, you all go to work to get ready for the fight. You do a few exercises while Pinkie and Spike get everything set up for the fight. Pinkie would make the call and Spike would light the fuses. It'd be perfect.

And then the time came. The club members started to gather back towards the castle to form an audience. The CMC decided to sit at the steps of the castle. None of them really wanting to be near Snips and Snails themselves. And Spike and Pinkie hid behind some bushes. Ready to go.

Snips and Snails stepped forth in front of you. Looking around. Then Snips looked at you with a smirk. Not anything towards you. He actually thought you were with him in his thoughts. "So she didn't show up after all huh? Figures, she is a girl. Girls can be pretty dumb."

"Errr, wouldn't she be pretty smart? I mean. This is Anon we're talking about" Snails stated, inferring she was smart for staying away

"Oh...right...yeah, that would be smart...wouldn't it? Right Anon?" Snips chuckles as he gives you an elbow bump with his leg.

...assholes.

"Will you two just step back please? If she does come, things are going to get real nasty real quick. And....wait..." Oh Shit....YOU NEEDED A HORN! "er....speaking of nasty. I gotta go to the bathroom real quick...behind those bushes."

"What? Right now? But what if she DOES come?" Snips asks

"Just..wait! Ok? It won't take long! Geez"

Of course you were lying. You immediately head towards the bushes Pinkie and Spike were hiding in and dive in. Only popping your head out to tell the group not to peek.

"P-Ponk...I forgot something."

Pinkie just smiled and immediately slapped on a unicorn horn of your coat color onto your forehead with a very thin, very unnoticeable string to hold it in place. "I heard, I also forgot to give this to you when I was setting everything up! Isn't that a funny coincidence?" She giggles

..that wasn't funny. that was worrisome. Could you have forgotten anything else? "No...Pinkie, this is super serious. I really don't want to forget anything else."

"Awww Anon" She gives you a little nose boop, admittingly, you couldn't keep yourself from smiling just a little. but only for a moment....she was just too cute. "You didn't forget anything else. Oh, can you hold out your hoof for me please?"

Hmm? "Like this?"

You hold out your hoof as Pinkie looks to Spike and gives him a nod. "Ok Spike, put it on him"

"Gotcha." Spike slaps on a rough feeling pad shaped for the frog of your hoof. "There we go!"

You take a look at it and tilt your head in confusion. "What's this for?"

"For your horn silly. The horn is actually a bunch of sparklers bundled together juuuuuuuust right to look like a unicorn's horn. when your ready to "cast some magic", rub that hoof on the tip of your horn with a quick swipe and you'll be good to go. Be careful though, the sparklers may be slow burners, but they will only last for about ten minutes. So make sure you and Rainbow Dash finish up quick. Got it?"

Oh, so it was like the surface you use for matches. Except it was for your horn.

Though, you weren't sure how long the "fight" itself would last. If you had to make it end soon. Then you had to hope either Rainbow Dash or even yourself don't end up overdoing it or showing off for too long. "Got it..thanks guys"

"No problem Anon, now go out there and...um...tie?...or something like that..." Spike didn't know exactly what to say.

"And remember" Pinkie gives a quick swipe of her forehead to show you hot to swipe your hoof on the horn, she then gives you a silent grin.

Then you hear something from the other side of the bushes. "Yo Anon, are you going to take all day in there are we gonna do this thing? I've got cooler things to do then fight some stupid colt"

It was Rainbow Dash. Well then, she was being quite in character.

"Don't talk to Anon like that! He's much cooler and a better hero than you. You stand nooooo chance" Snips says, trying to emphasize just how low her chances were of winning.

"Yeah, sure, ok kid. Look, why don't you just step back and let the real hero work. And by that I mean kick your hero's butt."

"Hmph. You'll see, Anon's gonna beat you down" Snips huffs as he steps back. Waiting for you to smash Rainbow Dash to bits.

You pop out of the bushes, brushing a few leaves out of your mane as you step up to Rainbow Dash. "Yeesh, someone is in a hurry for a pounding. So, you actually came huh?" You give Rainbow Dash a smirk.

"Of course I came. Dunno if you know this Anon, but there's only room for one big hero here in Ponyville. And you're looking at her!"

"Yeah yeah, so says the pony who can't win a single fight without her friends. What a loser"

"pfft, I've done plenty of heroing alone. Everypony knows that. And, I've done it without a stupid "can do anything" horn. What's wrong? Can't do anything yourself?"

"I can do plenty of things on my own. Like beating you to a pulp!"

"Yeah? Then bring it!"

Rainbow Dash readied herself for a fight.

"Sure thing, just don't whine when I make you look like a total idiot. Let's go!" You wiggle your butt as you ready yourself. Ready for anything Rainbow Dash might throw at you.

It was time for the fight to begin.

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