• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

  • ...

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 294

Author's Note:

Anon pretends to be mad.
Diamond Tiara asks a question.
And Sweetie Belle acts weird.

The night went along without interruption, both you and Fluttershy drifting in peaceful sleep. The night is gone, and the sun is up.

"Anon...oh Anon..time for school" You could feel Fluttershy giving you a gentle shake.


"C'mon Anon..." You start feeling tickly little pokes on your belly. "It's time to greet the day and learn new things"

You squirm and giggle as you turn around and grumble.

Fluttershy giggles as she sits up and gently, but forcibly, pulls you close into her chest, waking you up as you mumble crankily. "C'mon, you don't want to miss school, do you? It's not good to be a sleepy head. I've got breakfast ready for you and everything"

"...mnnnnn...ok" You yawn, nuzzling back into her.

After a few stretches and hugging, you grab your saddlebag and follow Fluttershy downstairs for breakfast.
Unfortunately, as you should have guessed, it was that same health stuff she's been feeding you since you "recovered". Though you were somewhat used to it by now, it didn't make it taste any better.

"Anon, are you feeling ready for the day? You're not upset about anything are you?" Fluttershy noticed your lack of enthusiasm. And thought it may have been about last night.

"No, not really. I'm good. As long as everypony else isn't upset either." You meant that.

"I'm feeling alright. And I'm sure your father and sister are too, I don't think yesterday was anything to fret about anymore" Fluttershy says with naive optimism, an optimism you'd roll with for now.

"That's good, Umm.." You were slowly eating, this shit was really hard to swallow and eating slowly was painful. But you were so groggy that you felt if you tried going fast again, you'd puke. "How exactly are these classes going to work? Is Princess Twilight going to be the teacher or something?"

"Oh no no no" Fluttershy said as she prepared a bagged lunch for you. "Twilight is having an expert teacher come down to Ponyville, all the way from Whinnyopolis. I think the teacher's name is Mrs. Muffin Top. From what I understand, she's very nice and very smart. All your father has to do is sign up for it when she gets here and we can go the next day, which should be tomorrow. It's all voluntary, so we will be among other families too. Won't that be fun?"

Fun, wait...Twilight did..when? Did you miss that part? It must have been right before Discord reacted to the whole parenting class thing. Of course Twilight would already be prepared to set that up. "Yeah, super fun. Do you know anything about Mrs. Muffin Top at all? I've never heard of her."

"Neither have I. But Twilight was conjuring up pamphlets while she waited for me and your father and that's who she saw as the best. She even had the letter sent earlier this morning. And that's..when your father got a little....well, Ahrm" Fluttershy decides to try to stray from the subject now. "It doesn't matter, I think. Because I know we're all going to pass in the end."

Oh, you bet you all could. And with Chrysalis attending? She'd have no choice but to act family oriented. "Well, that's because we're a great family"

"Mhmm! That's exactly right" She smiled happily as she gave you a gentle pat on the head.

With breakfast done, and school looming close, Fluttershy packed your lunch into your bag and gave you a great big hug as she let you go. She also told you to stay away from strangers. Of course she would, nobody wants to get fucking gas bombed.

And so you began your trek to school. Planning, scheming...tonight was very important. Pinkie must have wanted to be super extra secret about it because she's made no visible effort to talk to you again. So that meant you had to make sure to get Chrysalis there on time. The only thing now was...how? Going into deeper thought about it, you had to get her into the castle somehow. Wait...what would happen if you waited too long to even set up the trick? She was up to no good while you were away, and it was possible she may not even be reachable by the time everything IS getting set up!

Shit...you had to get back to the house. Surely you could still make it in time if you make things quick. You toss the map into the stream by Fluttershy's cottage and hop in.

Immediately upon landing, you hear the cry of the X-Captain. Did he....was he....did he not have anything else to do but float by your window like that? "FINALLY! THERE YOU ARE! NOW ANON..PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR-"

And then silence, utter silence as you pull the blinds down. As you open your floor door however, you could very very vaguely hear his angered screeching. Surely the X-captain's self inflicted autism knows no bounds.

Discord, if you had to guess, was busy signing up for the classes early. At least, you'd use that as an excuse if Chrysalis was wondering why he hadn't exploded on her yet. But your thoughts are immediately broken as you see Chrysalis heading out from her basement lair. Your guess was correct, she was going out to do....something.

You both lock eyes as you spot each other.

You seemingly floating, standing on your gravity stairs as you look down at her. And she looks up at you, Both of you silent for a moment.

Shit…It also just hit you....what if she reads you emotions and realize what she was expecting wasn't what she was going to get. Considering she probably meant to piss you and Discord off to no end yesterday, she must be expecting anger from you now.

You immediately focus on rage inducing thoughts like episodes starring Spike or the fact that no doubt someone like Hillary Clinton ran for president and won...or something. This also, as you failed to remember, causes you to lose focus on the steps, making you fall face first onto the ground in front of Chrysalis.

She lets out a light hearted, yet insulting chuckle. "Something on your mind, Anon?"

...Now you were actually angry, mostly from just the pain. And that was good...sorta?..maybe?

You slowly get up and rub your face, then look at her with faux boiling anger supplemented by conjured rage. "You know damn well...DAMN WELL..what's on my mind, Chrysalis."

She smirks as she gently helps wipe your face, then gazes upon you. "Oh...this wouldn't have to do with me telling the slightly altered version of our fun adventure, is it?"

You growl at her. as angrily as you can. "That's exactly it! What the hell!? Why!? Nopony needed to know that happened! Do you know what you just caused?!"

"Hrn? Ohhhh" Chrysalis fakes acting like she did something wrong as she put her hoof to her mouth. "Did something happen? B-but Anon. Last I checked, you wanted more praise and admiration...hmmmm" Chrysalis tapped at her chin in fake puzzlement. "I suppose what happened with your little shit of a friend must have made you feel as if that wasn't what you really wanted after all. Oh, I'm sooo sorry Anon. But how could I possibly have known you would flip flop on what you wanted so quickly like that?"

She sits down and continues giving you a cruel toothy grin, petting you gently on the head. "But don't blame me. I've been nothing but helpful, haven't I? Haven't I just fulfilled the role of sister so well? How was I supposed to know you didn't want to be touted as a high class hero anymore? Really, if you want to blame somepony, blame them."

YES!..YES! YOU WERE RIGHT! HAHA! OH MAN ANON! YOU'RE ON A ROLL! "...Them?" You never broke your violent glare at her though.

"Them..you know. Them, the ponies. They flock to you like pigs to the slop just because you did something. Annoying you, liking you only for your exploits and not for who you are." Chrysalis gets up and starts playfully messing with your mane as she gives a quick, lighthearted chuckle. "They say girls are superficial,that they can be materialistic. But I can honestly say I'm not one of those kinds of girls, Anon. Do I want it all? Sure, who doesn't? But this is about the survival and spread of the hive and nothing more. My children and my goals are the most important thing to me. But those ponies? They are so carefree and dimwitted that if you throw something shiny and amazing at them they'll pile onto it like dogs, not caring for who you are, but what they see you as.

“But Anon..." Chrysalis changes into her filly form and hugs you from your backside, nuzzling onto the side of your face. "I see you for who you are. You're an amazing human turned colt...." She starts tapping at your horn. "With a special talent that could help me rule this world. I do have a way to overpower Discord. My throne could subdue his magic. And once he's mine, we could go to work. Using my children, my mind, and that horn, we could easily take over together. And then your cute little marefriend could be the princess of Canterlot, with you as her prince...."

So, you were right. She was trying to work you over. "You do know she'd never love me if she knew I joined you, right?"

"So?" Chrysalis takes a nibble at your ear, which unfortunately, does calm you down and make you feel that old sense of ornery. "You were once human anyway. You could still substitute love with lust."

"You'd actually put out?"

"...Well...no" Chrysalis backed off a little and gently ran her hoof along the spine of your back."But I'm sure one of my children would be into you. Besides, don't tell me you don't like it when I tease. I know you do...I know it gives you that thought of you thinking you could actually have me. Who knows...maybe you could..."

You shiver from the pleasure riding through your body. But you knew she was just seducing you for food. "...You can stop. I'm not going to give in so easily, the game is still on."

"So you say, but I can just feel that hate growing inside you...it's only a matter of time when those stupid ponies do something that they'll regret. Who knows? maybe they didn't need my push. They are more than capable of doing something that will finally make you realize just how quick they will either annoy you over something trivial...or destroy you for something they don't like."

Relax Anon...Given how the foals were acting, it did make you feel some genuine annoyance. But you had to block that out! They didn't mean any harm. "I'm willing to roll the bones...." You just turn to her with an angry scowl. "So don't you go thinking you've won. I really wish you could just stop and be nice Chrysalis. We were good as a team. Didn't it mean anything to you? Like, at all?"

Chrysalis groaned as she stepped back. "Doesn't me wanting you in my kingdom answer that question? I've protected you, nurtured you, cared for you. You have a place at my side, Anon. I even enjoy casually talking to you. But you just keep refusing to see how much better things would be if you just gave in. So sometimes, yes, I have to push things. Because yes, you mean something to me. I'm not going over why again. I always do, and you just never listen."

You sigh as you turn to face her. Now, mostly aggravated that she can say all that without realizing that the "evil" part is what keeps you and her from being full fledged friends. "I don't expect you to explain it again, I get it. Chrysalis...why even try? It's never going to work. I'm never going to see evil as the way to go. I have friends and family outside of you, I don't want to see them hurt. Just like I keep your secret because I don't want to see you hurt. It'd be so much easier if you just...gave in."

Chrysalis scoffed at that. "Not happening. And that was a terrible attempt to make me change my mind, just letting you know. Ponies are aggravating nuisances who would be better off under supreme rulership. MY rule to be exact. And even if you are saying what you always say. You came here angry, angry for how they acted. You tasted exactly what I meant, and sooner or later, one of those ponies will do something that could destroy your entire world. A world you and Discord created through your lies..such a world that even I had to be dragged into. But Anon, in my world, there'd be no more need for lying, no need for suffering. But I suppose you'll really have to learn that on your own...hmmm" Chrysalis started to look around. "Where is that shit for brains anyway?"

"Oh...you can bet he's pissed too. But Twilight has him signing up for some stupid shit to make sure me and him don't go on interdimensional adventures anymore. Or anything like it."

Chrysalis just laughs at the hilarity of it. "Oh, how the lord of chaos has fallen if he's doing what that purple pushover wants. But it goes without saying, Twilight being able to shove her weight around on you and him only further proves my point."

You sigh, but only falsely. You had to wrap this up...so you'd leave her on a thought. "Whatever… I have to go before school starts. Chrysalis, look, you can be a good friend, you really can. Maybe if you hung around the ponies and got to know them, things wouldn't be so bad."

".....Egh..no...that's not happening." Chrysalis found it to be a disgusting thought. She changed back into her original self as she flew over to under the floor door and climbed in. "In any case, I have some work to do."

Huh? "Work?"

"Yes, work. That orb Discord gave us is low quality food. I'm going up there to gain adoration as your sister, take in all that love, and bring it back for my precious little ones."

"..I..guess. Also, I'm still angry at you. You can't go out and do things like that anymore!"

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. "We'll see how that goes..."

She nearly disappears through the ceiling door, until you call her out for one more thing. "Wait! Hold on!"

Chrysalis sighs and turns back around to look down at you from the floor door. "What is it now?"

There was one more thing that was indeed bothering you "It's just..you haven't noticed the excaptain came back?"

Chrysalis shrugged. "I did and..who cares?"

Who cares indeed…

Chrysalis left, not as if you could stop her.

You could feel it. You could feel that a tiny bit of you felt what she said was true. But it was only a tiny bit. With friends like the CMC, Starlight, Scrappy, Lyra, Bonbon, and everyone else to keep it sealed away, Discord and Fluttershy being the foundation that keeps it together, you would be able to keep yourself from the dark side just fine. In fact, when you pull the part on Chrysalis, perhaps her not having a proper support system might cause her to give in, even if it's slight. There was indeed hope.

And yeah, oh man, she better clench her bughole tight because she's going to be in for a wild ride tonight. After you were sure she was gone, you went into your room. As you neared the portal door, your ears rang from the very very soft noise of screeching and anger. You looked over to the blinds, and walked over to them. You then raised them.


You decided to close the blinds, then raise them...then close them...then raise them. Close, raise, close, raise, close, raise, close, and raise. It was actually kind of fun cancelling out that constant screech. But you didn't have time to do this all day. School was waiting for you.

You headed out through the portal.

Now, all you had to was walk from City Hall to School..easy peasy. And so far, a nice trek, and you weren't late yet it seemed. The last of the foals seemed to be piling into the schoolhouse. And then....

"Annnnnonnn!" You hear from behind you.

That commanding voice… You slowly turn around with a gulp. Because no doubt...she heard about your exploits. Diamond Tiara rushed up to you, stopped, and gave you an angry scrunchy face.

"D-damond Tiara? W-what's up?" Here we go

"Anon! How could you?! How could you not tell me you went into another Equestria?!" She gasped. "You didn't try romancing another version of me, did you!? Or maybe...another version of somepony else!?"

O-oh god. OF ALL THE THINGS?! THAT'S WHAT WORRIED HER!? "N-No! I didn't. I was there purely for 'saving the world' reasons. Truth be told..I didn't even run into you."

"Oh...wait...YOU DIDN'T EVEN RUN INTO ME?!" This seemed to make her even angrier. "SO YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO SEE HOW THE OTHER ME IS LIKE?!"

Gyah geez! You nearly fell back from her random anger. "Woah woah, didn't you not want me meeting the other you?!"

"I didn't say that! I said romancing. You didn't even try to see what the other me was like?" She asked, eager to know.

How is it the fact that you traveled dimensions in the first place not phase her? "Uhm, erm..." There was also the fact there was a rather sad tale about all that. "About that..uhm..look, Diamond, wouldn't you want to ask about what I did there instead? It's er..pretty heroic."

Diamond rolled her eyes at you. "I know, I've heard. But you didn't do all that for that other me, right? Or somepony else?" The hell, did she really think you were romancing someone else on the side?

"D-diamond, as I said. I didn't run into another you, I didn't do any romancing whatsoever...trust me. It was just work."

"Oh..good. But why didn't you go see what the other me was like? I would have gone to see what the other you would have looked like if I went. You know, to see how things would be there...you know...to see how not as great that other Anon would have been." She was just wondering, of course, why you didn't get curious about her at all. Even if that wasn't the case.

And then there was that mention of another you. You hoped she never learned about the one that was a prince.... How to answer this?… Might as well be straight about it… "Look, Diamond. I'm just going to say this. The reason I didn't see you? Really...it's very very sad. I don't think you'd want to hear about it, especially before school. You wouldn't like it.."

"Oh really?" She sits down and crosses her front legs as she looks at you with a hard stare. "Try me..."

"D-diamond, I'm serious, you re-"

"T-r-y...m-e" She sits there. staring at you with with a rock solid expression.

You sigh.. "C'mon Diamond, I'm serious..."

"So am I, considering you never told me anything about it. So, c'mon..tell me. I want to know!" She was being so demanding.

Ugh...what could you do? You didn't want to lie to her. You sat down...and prepared yourself for the inevitable tears. "Diamond, I didn't see you because I couldn't find you. I found your dad. He...well..he lost everything, including you. He was looking for you. Before I left, I asked that version of Celestia to help him find you and your mom, because they were out there somewhere… and that's it..that's why"

"......" Diamond's expression started to crack, she started to tear up, and she moved close to you and fell into your forelegs, sobbing. "T-that's s-so sad! n-ngh..A-anon...y-you really are a h-hero. You defeated those evil kings, and then asked the princess to personally help my Dad..Daddy...mngh" She was crying harder. "Mother..I..don't want that to happen..."

You hold her tight and hug into her, gently rubbing her back. "It's ok Diamond. Everything will be ok for that other you and your other mom. I promise..."

"D-do you think..she'll ever meet the other you, do you think Daddy will find her? I just want them to be happy too." She was totally..not prepared for this.

"I'm sure, one hundred percent. You can trust me..."

"I-I know I can...." She was nuzzling into you now, feeling calmer just from your words. "I can't wait to get married...there's nopony else that's like you, Anon. you're the greatest"

Awwwww.... "I can't wait either Diamond..." And then..the bell began to ring. "Oh geez! And neither can school! We're gonna be late!"

"Hrn?! I almost forgot! Ogh, Mother and Daddy would be upset at me if I was late now! Not after picking out maids! Grrr!" She growled, and using her sudden herculean earth pony like strength, she started shoving you at breakneck pace into the schoolhouse and into the classroom. "HANG ON!"

"W-WHA-WO-WHA-DIA-GYAH!" What the fuck?! Where did she get all this power?!

Before you knew it, you were getting slammed into your seat as Diamond quickly rushed over to hers, sat down, and smiled brightly. Cheerilee was busy writing something on the board. When she turned around, she assumed everyone was there on time. Were you there? You had to take a few looks around to make sure everything was what it was because that was so fast and sudden, you didn't even know. Even weirder, the CMC were looking at you oddly. Especially Sweetie Belle....what the fuck was that about?

"Good morning class!" Cheerilee said with her usual welcoming smile.

"Good morning, Miss Cheerileee" Said the entire class, as usual.

"I hope you're all ready to learn today my little ponies, and have some fun too! Because today, we're going to be learning about the importance of Cloudsdale's team of pegasi and such things like their Rainbow Factory. Now, I know you little pegasus ponies think you know everything there is to know. But trust me, there's actually a lot of things to go over. and before anypony raises their hooves. Yes, I know it doesn't seem important for earth ponies and unicorns to learn these things. But it actually is. Learning how they bring us winter, control the weather, and move clouds about is something everypony needs to learn. Otherwise, we'd never come to understand why it's so important. And if we didn't understand why it was important, then nopony would care. And then the whole system would fall apart. But first....homework please!"

Homework?! AHH SHIT! You were the only one who didn't do it. Even Snips and Snails did it, and Cheerilee noticed...

She noticed, but she wasn't going to rudely call you out in front of the class. So she stayed silent and thanked everyone for their hard work.

Dammit… Well..it shouldn't be too bad. Your grade shouldn't be impacted too hard. Cheerilee then went into the lesson. It was...everything you expected. It was a long lesson too, one you were expected to write notes on. Since there was some things you didn't know about that wasn't explained in the show, you took extra care in writing it down..

When recess hit, everyone went out to do their normal things. Eat lunch, play, and chat. The CMC seemed especially eager to want to talk to you, but were immediately blocked by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon once you stepped outside.

Hell, some of the other students seemed eager themselves. But after yesterday, they were forcing themselves to try to respect your space, yet still watching to see what happens.

"Anon...so, I want to ask you something. It's been bothering me since class started.." Diamond Tiara was looking pretty shy.

Silver Spoon giggled about whatever it was and cheered Diamond on "C'mon! You can do it! Like, I bet he has just the right answer!"

...Wut? "Erm, what's wrong Diamond?"

"Well..." She hesitated for a moment as she blushed. "I was wondering...if maybe..." She came up to you, and whispered in your ear. "Have a pretend wedding? maybe?"

.....Wut??!?!?!?! "U-um, a...what?"

"Oh, he totally heard you Diamond Tiara. Look! He's blushing! He's saying yes in his head! Aweeesssoommee!" Silver Spoon was already getting super excited about it.

"...Do you, Anon?...You don't have to say now.." Diamond Tiara looked around at the rest of the class that circled around you. She slowly went up to you, and whispered in your ear. "Tell me after school."

You were definitely blushing. Faux marriage? Oh good lord, what could that even possibly entail? It seemed too much and yet...your heart was thumping. You WANTED to try it, for her...you'd do it.

"Oh, and the rest of you? BACK OFF!" Diamond Tiara commanded with forceful vigor "THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! GOT IT?!" W-woah, that was startling. Startling enough that the class backed down and went off to do their own thing. "Well Anon. I'm going to go plan things out with Silver Spoon..don't you DARE try to listen in. I want it all to be a surprise. hrnnn.." She looked around, and noticed the CMC still looking. "Oh! Why don't you go hang out with Applebloom and her friends?" She snickers at you as she looks at you dreamily. "Maybe you all can try to figure out how our wedding is going to go, that can be fun"

She almost risked a kiss. But with it being so open around,the area and some ponies still taking glances. she didn't want to embarrass you in front of them. So she and Silver Spoon just walked off.

And so, you went off to the CMC, to find out what they wanted.

"Hey girls, what's up, you've all beeDLFDS'K"

Scootaloo slaps her hoof on your mouth. "Shhh!"

"Anon, we can't talk here, follow us." Applebloom motions to step far enough away from the schoolhouse that the other ponies decide not to follow. "Ok, now Scootaloo" Applebloom nods

Scootaloo removes her hoof. She held it there the entire walk, It was annoying. But sheesh, whatever it was, it made all three of them look pretty damn worried or something.

"Ok..so does somepony want to tell me what's going on? Don't tell me this has to do with Chrysalis" Yeah, they were acting weird enough for you to worry.

"Actuallly.......it has to do with Scrappy." Scootaloo says, looking about to make sure no one was around to hear.

Scrappy? Wut? "Oh, does this have to do with him not being there after school? Let me guess...it's something to do with him and Chrysalis then."

They all shook their head. You noticed Sweetie Belle was acting kinda blushy in your presence....wut?

"Anon, look, ahm gonna be straight with ya. Scrappy ran into that other you again." Applebloom explains.

............Wut?! Nooo. That can't be true. You could feel old feelings well up. Old feelings you thought you came to terms with and put to bed. And yet, you felt some anger? Was it just because of him existing? Him being so smug that he could just hop dimensions?..Or did he.. "...Please don't tell me he attacked Scrappy..I swear, if he touched one-"

"No, No! It's f-fine Anon..r-really!" Sweetie Belle put her hoof on you, then blushed and turned away as she pulled back.

...Wut? "....Uhhhhhhhhhhhh...what's going on? Sweetie Belle...why are you acting weird?"

"Oh boy Anon, you're gonna want to sit down for this one. It's all kinds of crazy." Scootaloo warns you, she looked concerned. They all did.

And so you sat...totally unprepared for what they were about to tell you.

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!