• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 241 - Flim Flam Future Arc

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Anon goes for a swim
Chrysalis laughs.
And Rainbow Dash is still a cunt in any universe.

"Alright Anon, how do I get this moving? I know this wheel must be used for turning...but what do these levers do? Which one makes it go forward?" She was impatiently tapping at the levers.

"I don't know, usually there's these things on the bottom to make it go and stop. I know this lever is the gear shift. So...." You peer at the levers carefully. you see a large one that can go both forward and back with it's neutral in the middle. One other had to be the emergency brake, and maybe another as a regular brake...and what does that fifth one do?...No..this one has to be it.

"Ok, I know that one is the gear shift. So put it from P....to.....I guess one or two" There was no D.

"Alright...hmnnn, it's almost like that one scene from the documentary. Ok then… "commander"... What's next?" Chrysalis was focused, she went from annoyed to suddenly kind of getting into it.

"See that lever there? Move it forward slowly, then turn that wheel, and let's try seeing what's up that hill. We might be able to get our bearings and find out where Ponyville or Canterlot is..or hell, anyplace."

"Hrmmm..alright" Chrysalis carefully pushes the lever, making the car move. She then turned the wheel to make it turn a full 180.

"What about Coco?" You ask as you see her unconscious form on the ground

"What about her? She has nothing to do with us, so forget it. Besides, she tried to kill you" Chrysalis reminds you

"EEhhhhhh, she was just scared. I don't think....mnnnn..fine. It's an empty field anyway, I'm sure she can find her way back. Ok, let's go up the hill."

Was that a good idea? You actually felt guilt for what you just said. But, if she woke up. Things would probably get worse. Chrysalis hits the incline on the hill, but the car wouldn't go up. "Hrm, it seems we need more speed, I assume I just push that lever further?"

You nod. "Yeah, and also try putting the gear shift to two and we should be golden"

"Two?...mnnn" Chrysalis eyes the gear shift, but instead of putting it to two, she puts it to six. "There, that should work a lot better"

You look at her action, then look up at her with a stoic look. "Oh good, now we aren't going anywhere. The higher the gear from a lower speed, the longer it takes to....AAAAAAHH WHAT THE!?" The car suddenly went into overdrive when she pulled the speed lever to max. Rushing up the hill and going airborne on the decline. Chrysalis laughing madly as you just hold on for dear life. "CHRYSALIS! STOP THIS CRAZY THING! WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE LOOKING OVER THE HIIILLLLLLLLOMPH! AGHHH!"

The car slams back onto the ground as Chrysalis leans forward, enjoying the wind in her mane This is not how manual cars are supposed to work. It wasn't working like your video games either!

"HAHAHA! Now we're making progress! This is actually fun! And the best part is that we can't be stopped by anything! All in our path shall be fodder to our mighty car!" Chrysalis cackled evilly

Oh god, she was going to get you killed. You just held on to anything you could as the car sped and rumbled. It was making you sick. "Ch-Chrysalis! S-Stop already! W-what if we aren't..g-g-going the right way?!"

"Who cares?! Besides, we might solve the problem this world has just by mowing it down! We don't know where the source of the problem is, so let's leave it up to luck. Who knows? the ponies might reward us with complete loyalty if we save them. Oh, and here I thought this would be annoying." She snickered.

"Are you insane?!" Geez, she's got the road bug...well..she was a bug. "If we keep going on like this w-we might crash! Just slow it down huh? Come on! COME ON!" There was a turn on the road, a sharp one turning away from a much sharper incline of a hill. "CHRYSALIS, TURN RIGHT! TURN RIGHT!"

But she didn't, she went straight into the hill and blasted up the incline. How the hell did these cars even handle this? "Anon, When we are done with this adventure I am taking this home with me! This will be my royal chariot..." Chrysalis stops her enthusiasm when she notices the decline was very steep......sort of like a gorge....because it led right into a gorge. "....oh.....well, it was fun while it lasted"

"WAIT..WHAT?! CHRYAAAAAAA" Chrysalis changed back to her normal self and hops off the car as you plummet to your demise. "GODDDDDAMMMMMMMIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTOMPH!" You felt yourself get nabbed up as the car fell into the gorge and into the river.

You were breathing heavily, pure white from fright. "Hngna...mngna...ghdmdsmdfsd." You started frothing at the mouth.

You get carried over to the other side of the gorge. and then placed down. You rub along the ground, glad to be on a safe spot as Chrysalis lands beside you, whipping her hoof lightly to remove your drool. "....mnnn, how disgusting"

You just shivered there for a few moments as Chrysalis looked forward. After your recovery, you look at her from her backside, pissed as fuck. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! HUH?! I TOLD YOU TO GO IT SLOW! GEEZ, YOU NEARLY KILLED ME! NOW WE DON'T HAVE A CAR AND WE'RE LOST!" Chrysalis didn't reply. She just continued to stare forward. It was perplexing. "Uhhh...hello? Chrysalis...I'm being angry at you right now....Chrysalis?" You go to stand by her side and see what she was looking at. There was a lot, A LOT, of crazy looking tree stumps. Hell, it looked like a forest used to be there. "What are you looking at? The stumps?...Huh....didn't take you to be an environmentalist."

"I'm not....are you telling me you don't know what this is?" Chrysalis sounded dead serious, she looked stunned too.

"A forest? Or used to be one. Yeah, I get it..it's bad. But that just shows what our problem is. some Captain Planet tier villainy."

"Anon, this is much bigger than that. This is the Everfree Forest....or it used to be..." There was, oddly enough, a hint of dread in her voice

"What?... It can't be" You look to the horizon, there was some smog or fog or whatever it was covering up a lot of it. But you should still be able to see the old castle. "Where's Celestia's old castle then?"

"It must have been completely destroyed. And that stench...Whatever evil did this lurks beyond that horrid fog" Chrysalis points forward.

Wait.... "Wouldn't Ponyville be over there?"

Chrysalis nods. "It would, interesting. Well..." Chrysalis turns into her Nymous form and steps forward. "Let's get this over with already. Whatever creature is generating this fog does not want us to find them."

You start following her, contemplating the situation. "I don't think it's a creature. But...I don't know what it could be either"

"Then it's obviously a creature, what else creates this kind of terrible mist?"

"Industry, factories, I'm sure Equestria has them...just, never to this degree...it's terrible. And the Everfree, I thought it couldn't be tamed" It was definitely concerning.

"It obviously has. Don't think about it too much, I'd rather find out what this is and defeat it quickly. I'll just need to get a quick bite to eat before we fight however. It's good that we'll be in Ponyville soon, even during a crisis those ponies produce a remarkable amount of love."

"Yeah...just remember....cause I just did. I don't have a charge on my horn. So if we can, we should probably find a place to lay low before we stir up trouble"

Chrysalis nods in agreement. "That's fine, like I said, I want to find out what this is quickly. I didn't mean it in a immediate sense. I meant in just getting it done as soon as possible. We need to eat, sleep, and scope out the area before we make our move"

"Right" You both press on, but god was it eerie. The dangerous slopes were still around. But the trees were gone, streams were dry, and.....man, was the Tree of Harmony even still alive at this point?

But even with these thoughts, you both press on just the same until the tree trunks started to get light. and Ponyville became more clear...

........but the Ponyville that became clear....was not Ponyville. "...What in the fuck?!"

Both you and Chrysalis gazed through the smog as a giant billboard came to view, with a huge town behind it. A town that looked like a mini-Manehatten. "Welcome to Flimsville and Flamsville?.....What garbage is this? Where's Ponyville? It's supposed to be right here!"

But you just stood there, mouth agape.....no....no..... Then you spaz and yell out when you realize what this was. 'WHAT?! FLIM AND FLAM TOOK OVER EQUESTRIA?! ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE?! WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT?! HOW EVEN?! WHAT EVEN?! THIS IS DUMBER THAN G THREE POINT FIVE!"

Chrysalis cringes and steps away from you due to your yelling. "Will you calm down! How do you even know this Flim and Flam took over?"

But you just continue yelling. "ARE YOU STUPID?! DISCORD SAID THIS IS AN ALTERNATE FUTURE. IF FLIM AND FLAM HAVE PONYVILLE AND EVERYTHING GOT INDUSTRIALIZED THEN IT MEANS THEY TOOK DOWN THE EVERFREE FOREST! MEANING EITHER CELESTIA ALLOWED THIS OR SHE'S FREAKING DEAD! HOW THE FUCK ARE WEOOWWW!"

Chrysalis slaps you in the face. "Will you calm down! Fine, I get it....you don't need to yell about it. Besides, if it's a couple of shady looking ponies then this should be easy to fix. Let's find them, destroy them, then go home. I don't like this place...it's eerily gloomy"

You rub your face as your senses return. "Ow...geez..mmmngh. And you know what?..Fine, you're right. That should clear things up. But we gotta find them first." Yeesh, she slaps hard.

"Indeed...so, let's go into town and find Twilight and her friends. Ask them what's going on, feed off them a little, and go on our way. We should be done with this in no time."

"I actually agree with you....huh.." You felt kinda disappointed, you also felt bad for the ponies. "To get beat by Flim and Flam is pretty shit. Let's just get it over with...really..I expected better."

"Indeed, it does seem pretty shit. Also." Chrysalis looked down at you with a royal kind of stoicness. "Call me stupid again and you'll be in deep shit"

Yeesh. "Alright alright..sheesh..I just got lost in the moment there and....hey...what's going on over there?"

There was a rabble of hippy looking ponies outside of town, protesting against...something.

"Given their raggedy garb and cheap signs, they must be the lower rabble. Odd, I wonder what they are angry about...let's observe, shall we?" Chrysalis points over to some actual greenery around the front of the town. It seems the immediate area around the town still had some trees and bushes. Probably just to try to make it look nicer. As you both hide and look over, you notice the leader of the group was a yellow pony with a pink mane. She was softly yelling at a pony with a blue coat and rainbow mane. The blue pony was wearing a police officer's uniform, and had on an expensive looking badge.

"Holy shit...do you see who I see?" No way

"Yes I do..." Chrysalis was intrigued. "It seems even Twilight's friends are at odds with each other in this world....hmmnn..I wonder what they are arguing about"

Fluttershy looked like she was trying to reason with Rainbow Dash as the group behind her eyed RD with great disdain. "Rainbow Dash, why can't you understand? You can't leave all those animals in cages. Please give them to us, we have a small patch of green that we can bring them to and watch over. They don't belong here..please?"

Rainbow Dash just crossed her front legs as she hovered over her, she didn't seem to budge. "Nope, Can't do that Fluttershy. Besides, what's this "friends" stuff? I mean, pft, are you kidding? The old days are over, we aren't fillies anymore. While you're living in whatever land with a bunch of dirty ponies, I'm keeping it real and awesome as the chief of police of both Flimsville AND Flamsville. Besides, if the bosses wants the animals kept in the zoo, they stay in the zoo, and I get to keep this cool job. And I ain't giving up a lifetime of beating up bad guys just to help an "old friend". But if you wanna play that game then fine, I'll give you and your little lame-o group ten seconds to get out of here before I call in my squad. Tennnnn"

"Rainbow Dash..please" Fluttershy begged.

"Nine.....eight......seven.." Rainbow Dash counted on without regret.

Suddenly, the group started to get rowdy. "FORGET THIS DUDES! LET'S GET THE ANIMALS OURSELVES!"
"YEAH! ONE PONY CAN'T STOP US! LET'S STOMP THE PLACE!"
"LET'S DO IT!"

"W-wait...c-can't we talk this out?" Fluttershy did not want this chaos.

"...Oh geez...I know that's not my Fluttershy...but this still hurts.." You frowned

"I wish I had some of that love juice from when we were watching the documentary. This is priceless...How sad that I don't even have a camera! hahahaha!" Chrysalis was loving this. "I wonder if they are actually going to tear eachother apart."

Rainbow Dash smirked. "...that's how it is huh? Good! I was itching for a fight. HEY, EVERYPONY! GET OUT FROM YOUR HIDING SPOTS AND GET READY! WE'RE ABOUT TO TO GET...IT...ON!"

Holy shit...suddenly, out from behind the buildings of the town came an entire police force. Most seemed to be from the wonderbolts, the rest were griffons..including Gilda..woah...and they all had....

"AHHH! IT'S AN AMBUSH! THEY HAVE THEIR BLASTERS!" one of the hippy ponies shrieked

Blasters.....how very PC.

"EVERYPONY, W-WE CAN'T GIVE UP!" Another tries to rally the shaken crowd.

"W-wait...nopony has to suffer..let's just talk." Fluttershy was near frozen in fear.

"Yo, Rainbow Dash. we're all loaded and ready to fire, you ready to do this thing?" Gilda flew over to her, ready for a rumble.

"Ohhhh yeah! Let's show this scum the power of the police! HEY EVERYPONY, FORGET AIMING, JUST FIRE INTO THE CROWD! WE'LL PICK OFF THE STRAGGLERS AFTER!" Rainbow Dash yelled out as her forces quickly aimed their blasters.

"O-oh shit! What do we do?! They are gonna die! We have to do something!" You begin to think heavily. Until you feel Chrysalis's hoof gently stroke your back.

"There's nothing we can do Anon, we'd only end up becoming a casualty like those poor souls, It is truly a sad fate..."

"You...You actually care?" That was surprising.

"Of course I do...." Chrysalis grinned. "It's just a shame I can't get it all captured on film. preferably the high quality humankind, this is going to be amazing"

"You're a monster, not even Discord would let this happen..."

"Oh hush, it not like it matters. Just enjoy the show." Chrysalis snickered as she looked on.

Christ..maybe you shouldn't have shown her the movie. Was she THIS cruel? Or did watching the movie send her down deeper into something sadistic, only awoken by the fact she's in a dimension of no consequences.

"FIRE!" Rainbow Dash pointed as suddenly bullets rained down upon the ponies. But they were shrieking as a green cloud began to envelope them.

"SKUNK GAS! AGHHH! IT BURNS!"
"EVERYPONY SCATTER! IT'S TOO THICK!"
"WE NEED TO GET BACK! AGHH!"

Ohhhh..thank christ, they shoot gas pellets. You sigh in relief as the hippy group runs and scatters away from the police force. You see Fluttershy come out last from the green cloud, coughing and crying. She weakly steps away as she looks back at the very satisfied Rainbow Dash, who did a hoofpump with Gilda. "Great job Deputy Gilda, and awesome job team! We showed those hippies whose boss!"

"YEAH!" They cheered out.

"Ehhhh, they ALL ran off though. we didn't get to clobber any of em'" Gilda was pretty miffed about it.

"It'll be fiine. Besides, hippies are pathetic anyway. All talk, no fight. We're just toooooo awesome for anypony to actually deal with. Let's do a security sweep though. Just in case" Rainbow Dash states as she dismisses the rest of her force.

"Ok, hopefully one of those wuss ponies decided to stick around." Gilda snickered "Can't wait to get my talons on em', oh yeaaah!" She said with hopeful optimism. "But what about that yellow pony? She said she knew you"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "Just a noncool wuss I used to hang with"

"Hah, looked like it. She looked so pathetic" Gilda giggled.

"Yeah, I know right?" Rainbow Dash joined in with her on the laughter

"Christ.....they are such assholes...mnnn, poor Fluttershy..like...holy shit. I didn't think ponies could be so fucking harsh.....I outta slug her" You could feel a rage well up inside you. This world's RD was a total asshat. Like..holy shit.

Chrysalis was just miffed. "...Who cares...I wanted a slaughter....what a rip off"

"Don't you think that's a little dark?" You look at her with some annoyed disbelief.

Chrysalis just waved her hoof with dismissive protest "Please don't give me that, You were human once. You should be used to that kind of thing by now. For me, it would have been truly magical."

"...Sometimes I wonder how we're friends"

"Oh yes, You would have to wonder that. Wouldn't you? Though, if I hadn't saved you...TWICE....then you wouldn't be here to wonder that at all. I don't even think I heard a thank you for saving you from plummeting to your death."

"You're the one who nearly killed me!" You yell out

"DON'T YELL YOU IDIOT! YOU'LL GIVE US AWAY!" Chrysalis yells back.

"Well Well Well" You both look above you to see Rainbow Dash with a very smug grin on her face. "Looks like there were a couple of stragglers after all. Yo Gilda! You might get your wishl! Get over here!"

.....Oh shit.....

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