• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 138 - The Nightmare Night Arc

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
You immediately spring up and cover yourself with your hooves.
"AHHHHHHH!"
You swing your hooves upwards, still screaming. Despite the burning sensation of the laser not existing at this point.
"AHHHHHHHHH!"
You continue to yell, until you open an eye and realize there was no laser hitting you anymore.
"AAAHhhhhh.......ahhh?"

No laser, no hellscape, no burning death.

You shiver as you look around. The room you were in had a very stylized sun painted on the ceiling. Various royal items are around the room from a regal carpet to a table made of the finest wood. Scrolls neatly piled upon the side of it.

And a exit that led to a balcony. Where the afternoon sun was high in the sky and the sky itself was nice and blue with happy little clouds scattered about.

You look at your hooves. They were fine, though no longer in costume. You tap at your forehead. No horn. You look down to your right side to see you were on a soft regal bed. Not your own.
There was only one logical conclusion.

"....oh no....I died...ohhh crap. I killed all of Equestria and now I'm in some sort of horse heaven. Why am I even here? ah geez, the only thing that could make this worse is if Celestia was here to wreak some sort of holy vengeance on me an-"
As you turn to your left side. There she was, laying on her side, covered in a blanket. Her body as beautiful as it was before it blew up. And she was sleepily looking right at you.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
You jumped to the side and fell off the bed. Pulling the blanket with you and getting wrapped up from your wild movements.

As you struggle. Celestia yawns and gets onto her belly, inching towards the side of the bed as she watches you struggle.

"DON'T KILL ME! I'M ALREADY DEAD! DAMMIT! I GOTTA GET OUT OF THIS!"

Celestia just smiled and shook her head as she wrapped the blanket in her magic, and made it rise slowly straight up to eye level.

You were too busy trying to escape to see what was happening as Celestia silently waited.

after a moment of struggling. You manage to pop your head out, coming face to face with Celestia once again.
"............."
a moment of silence and...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

You scream right in her face in surprise and hide back in the blanket. The yell was enough to make her cringe just from the pitch of it.

"I'm sorry! Oh god...please!"

Celestia calmly speaks to you. "Anon, you're not dead. And I'm not angry. Though I do admit. My sister did do a rather good job in blowing me to pieces. I can only imagine she had thought of it a few times herself during her time on the moon"

you stop your struggling the moment you hear that sentence in full. Sister....sister as in Luna...waking up in a bed. Her being the one who blew her up even though you shot the laser?.......oh no...it's worse than death.
You pop your head out of the bundled up blanket and look right at Celestia, with a face of frustrated realization.
"...it was a dream?...that was all...a dream?"

Celestia nodded "Yes."

oh.....god.wait...
You stare at her inquisitively. There was no way you could have fallen asleep.
"How could it be a dream? Me and Discord walked into the castle, rested and refreshed to win. It's not like we'd just forget that we didn’t take a nap. And then there was all that...craziness. Craziness that...umm..."
You stop yourself. You didn't want to reveal anything.
"Just...well, there was a lot of crazy....and....."

...SHE did mention she blew up. But how…?
"....oh no…."
You grimaced, and lowered your head as you realized that the only way Celestia knew about blowing up. Is if she also knew about the creatures that were in that apparent dream.

You hide your head back into the blanket. You didn't want her to see you now. You didn't know how much she knew. But she must know something. And if she knew. Luna knew.
You stayed silent.

Celestia just continued as you hid yourself in the floating blankett. moving to the front of the bed as she brings you over and hovers the bundle of blankets over the middle of it. "Trapping Discord and you in a dream? That was simple. I had baked some pies and put in a very potent sleeping potion into both. Once you both were sleeping. My sister and I took you into separate rooms where you both can rest comfortably. With that, I too had to fall asleep. So I cuddled up with you, and gently went to rest using the same potion. Luna did the rest. Does that answer your question, Anon?"

That did...but that didn't remove the fear that you knew. You just knew. That she knew. So you continued to hide.
"Y-yeah...umm......"

You go back to staying silent. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know what'd she say. You were slowly piecing together that if it was a dream. Then just like the episodes with the CMC and Luna. That Luna must have been manipulating everything from the background.



"I know why you worry Anon, the abominations in your mind that we now know about. Added to the fact that not only could my sister hear and see your every movement, but so could I. You're afraid just because I know you are an adult from another dimension that I'm just going to send you back,Aren't you?"

You pop your head out. Just hearing that made tears burst from your eyes. But you couldn't let her know that was the truth of it. That you weren't a pony. So you just look at her, try to make an angry face, and puff your cheeks out.
"I dunno what you're talking about. I'm an orphan from Fillydelphia"

Celestia just looked at you and smiled, even giggling a little. a very beautiful giggle. No malice at all. "Yes, I know. So you then must know that I'm actually a clown who likes to make her head explode for giggles."

ohhhh...hell.
You cringe hard. How? How did she even know about that?
"..........How...do you know about that?"

"Well, My sister and I had a look see through your dreamscape. I admit, it was nothing like the both of us had imagined. Terrible creatures everywhere, as far as the eye could see. Including a familiar face lounging around with an odd bipedal clown. That familiar face of course, being me. Just like Twilight's letter described."

....ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......ohhhh nooo. Twilight actually wrote a letter?
"Y-yeah..well...that doesn't prove anything."

Celestia couldn't help but laugh at your adorable resistance. "No, I suppose it only proves that you become a little troublemaker the moment the opportunity arises. I would guess that's why you have that Cutie Mark. But if you want proof...well, I can't say I have any. Especially since upon making a visit to Fillydelphia, that I couldn't find a trace of the orphanage described in all the legal papers."

...ohh dammit Discord.
like many times before, you slam your hoof to your head and shake.
"Seriously?....He didn't even bother making a fake one?"

"It appears he thought none of us would ever go and check. He'd had been right if not for the numerous letters I've received about you. You being a hero, you being smart enough to be in my school despite the lack of magic, you and your interest of changelings and your near banishment at the hooves of my student....." Celestia's face shows a little bit of shame as she mentions that one. "I apologize about that. Twilight can be a little jumpy sometimes. I know that's not an excuse. So all I can say is that I'm glad that you don't hate her for it. Aside from your little trick of course. I know it must be difficult. But I am glad there is no ill will between you two"

You put your head back into the blanket bundle. Even if you couldn't believe how dumb Discord was. It didn’t overtake the feeling that you felt you were done for.

"You don't want to talk about anything Anon? Or do you want to reaffirm that you are from an orphanage again" Celestia smiles as she gives the bundle a few pokes. causing you to shake a little inside with fear.



"ngh..w-what's the point? You're probably angry at me. Knowing I've been lying the entire time about everything...you're gonna send me back. Aren't you?"

Celestia stops poking. and just looks at the bundle, waiting for you to pop your head out again. "Well, I don't want to skip ahead to that just yet.I'd actually like to talk about how me and my sister cemented that we are the superior pranksters."

You don't say anything. You just hide. You didn't want to say anything that would make things worse. You didn’t realize that you didn’t seem to be in that much trouble.

Celestia smiled, and now tried to work on making you angry enough to pop your head out. "Yes, I thought it was actually quite humorous when you and Discord saw me explode the way I did. I actually couldn't contain myself."

You still didn't react. But you couldn't believe how cruel she was being all of a sudden. That wasn't the Celestia you knew.

"Oh yes, and not to mention when you were screaming during my laser blast." Celestia laughs a little evilly "You were acting like it was the end of the world."

...that cocky laugh...the fact that you were played so badly. And she...just laughed. Forget being scared of being sent back. Being mocked for something you swore was real really set you off.
You got enraged and popped your head out. And yelled at her.
"You little..NGH...YOU KNOW WHAT?! I'M GOING TO SAY IT! YOU'RE A REAL-"

Celestia just leans in and kisses you on the nose gently "Now Now Anon, no need for language. I think I had enough of that for one day. I sincerely hope you don't say such things in front of your aunt."

"ah...ah.."
You were momentarily stunned by her kiss. But only for a moment before getting angry again.

"YOU CAN'T JUST KISS ME AND-"

She does it again, and giggles.

"STOP! THAT'S NOT GOING TO-!"

Then Celestia gives you a very gentle and very quick peck on the lips. Nothing sexual. But enough to make you blush deep and forget your anger.
You...were very confused by this point.
"Why does everypony tease me like this?

You hang your head, still blushing.

"Because it's cute. I have to admit. Discord did do a good job on making you absolutely huggable. And given you managed to gain a Cutie Mark. He must have done some very extensive string of magical spells to turn you into a real pony. My only real question is...why? I never managed to figure that out"

You look up at her. your eyes, even after your anger spat, still had tears running down.

But you had to look up at her. She must have had access to almost everything. And yet, she didn't know the why?

You sigh...you weren't exactly in a positive mood. You’re just going to tell her. Since she seemed to have discovered near everything.
"He did it for Fluttershy. according to him, she was getting flak for still being his closest friend despite the whole Tirek thing"

"And you know about the Tirek incident. Because in your world, we're a sort of show. Am I right?"

You cringe hard...ogh..she even heard that.
"...right....so now you know how I'm able to fit in so well, I'm a little surprised you're not freaking out about that"

Celestia shook her head "What happens in other dimensions is out of my control. So there's no sense in worrying. But I could tell you of a theory that could explain it. It's a theory my teacher once taught me"

"...the idea and dimensional line theory thing? right? Yeah..Discord told me about it"

"No surprise, I figured you'd be curious enough to ask how he managed to figure out how he pulled off his plan in the first place. But I just wanted to make sure. Now, would you like to know exactly how we won? I think you'll find it funny" Celestia cheerfully says on the last sentence. Trying to make you a little more cheerful with her radiant smile.

You sigh
"Aren't you wondering if he lied about the whole Fluttershy thing? Because if you were, I'm telling you right now. It's the truth. Discord is a good gu-"

Celestia gives you a gentle rub on the head with her hoof, and continues to rub your head in a massaging fashion. "I'm not worried about that Anon. I believe you. And I have already acknowledged that as a wonderful act of friendship. Despite how extreme it was to pull it off. Now, about that competition."

You look up at her, confused, why did she want to explain what happened? What, to rub it in? Why wasn't she pissed?
"...aren't you angry at me? I've lied to everypony and used my knowledge to make everypony love me. I'm not a real pony. I...I....ugh...why aren't you angry?...just why?"

Celestia looked up, trying to think of an actual reason to be angry. "I suppose it's because despite your lying. You have a genuine relationship with your friends. It's already clear your mind has regressed just a little bit to that of a foal, so it's not all deception. It's just enough to make it more convincing. It helps you fit in with the other foals. While your true side allows you to befriend adults. And not only that, it also allows you to strategically perform amazing things. Speaking of amazing things. I do believe you had a hoof in the reformation of Starlight Glimmer. Am I right?"



holy shit...how did she?
"H-how did you know about that?"

"We found the cave where she had hid a few items stolen from the Canterlot archives. I found it odd that'd she leave it all there for no good reason, given the letters I had received from Twilight about her visit to her town. I admit, what I'm about to say is a little uncharacteristic of me. But I decided to sneak into the town myself and have a look see. And to my surprise, everything was not only fine. But upon looking into Starlight's recent entry in her journal. Your name came up."

Now you started to become more intrigued. You had no idea she had been snooping.

"So, if you wanted a definite answer to your question. No, I'm not angry at you. I'm actually trying to ease your mind. But you're a little bit of the timid sort when you don't have an advantage. I bet I could do all sorts of things to you and you'd just sit there and take it."

As Celestia said that, she moved her head closer to you, and looked at you seductively, wiggling her eyebrows.
You freeze, and blush hard. She was so much bigger than you. And oh god..she was looking awfully sexier

"L-Like what?"

Celestia leaned in closer, like she was going for a deeper, sensual kiss. Her voice seductive and soft. "Something...like.....this!"

Celestia starts bopping the bundle of blankets as it continued to hover in the air. Giggling all the while as you started to spin around.

"H-HEY! T-THAT'S NOT! GYAH! STOP! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Are you going to loosen up and stop acting like I'm going to banish you? Because I can keep this up for the rest of the day if I have to." Celestia giggled as she continued to bop away.

you would, but then you felt something snap. It didn't seem to matter who it was. But they always seemed to love to play with you. to mess with you. As if you were some kid. Even Celestia seemed to love to do it. You felt a certain anger, a familiar anger, that adrenal anger.

You growl as you hop out of the bundle and right on Celestia's neck. making her fall back without actually making a sound.

You grab her by the neck, you barely had your wits about you. You try to wrestle out of her that you weren't a colt to be messed with. You don’t choke however. You just want to piledrive her somehow.
"I'M NOT A TOY! I CAN FIGHT! AND IF YOU'RE GONNA SMACK ME AROUND THEN I'M GONNA BRING YOU DOWN! PRINCESS OR NOT, YOU ASKED FOR IT! "
You struggle at her neck as you pull, trying to somehow flip her to her side.
"ADMIT THAT I'M NOT "TIMID", I GOT YA! I KNOW YOU CAN'T EVEN MOVE. I'M GOING TO THROW YOU OFF THE BED BY YOUR LEG UNLESS YOU...."

But you notice you weren't grabbing her by the leg.

you were indeed grabbing her by the neck. You actually hadn't noticed.

And she wasn't moving. You knocked her backwards. Her eyes looked dead as her tongue hung out.
You immediately back off, you couldn't have. D-did you snap her neck?
"..I..no, what? I didn't mean..oh no.."

You carefully stepped closer and gave her a shake.
"C-Celestia? come on...this is a bad joke. Right? You're not dead..right?"

As you step a little closer to check her face. She blinks, looks right at you, and yells "YOU'RE RIGHT! IT'S A TRAP! HAHA!"

Celestia immediately grabs your with her front hooves. hugs you tightly. And rolls around the bed and falls off on her back. Laughing all the way as you yell in fright.

You were now on her belly. Your face on her chest as it bounced from her laughter. Well...at least she was having fun.

You groan, and look up at her face as she just giggles.
"Anon, you're the most fun I've had in awhile. I can't do this with any other pony. They always get so upset and leave or they just accept it because of my title."

You roll off of her, and lay on your back next to her.
"....ugh, good to know that I'm everypony's punching bag"

Celestia, upon hearing that, stifles her giggling and uses her magic to plop you back on her chest so she can look at your face. "You're not a punching bag. You're just trying too hard to be careful. Besides, it takes a lot of bravery and patience to be around Discord for more than a few minutes. Let alone your whole life."

You just lightly groan, not feeling any better. It actually didn't seem that hard.
"....it's not that hard."

"Tell that to Twilight. I could actually feel her sanity chip away when he's around her. I know I shouldn't laugh about it, but it is a little funny. As long as nopony goes too far."

You roll your eyes
"Yeah but Twilight is a sperg, everything freaks her out."

"Hmm, if a sperg means to freak out. Then, I have to agree with you. She does tend to "Sperg" "

wut?
"...did you just agree with me that Twilight, YOUR pupil, was a sperg"

Celestia nodded "Mhmmm, why?"

"Isn't that wrong to say about your student...especially since she's an Alicorn Princess?"

Celestia frowned a little at that "Oh Anon, don't get boring on me. You should know I think very highly of her....but she is a sperg."

You tried to hold in a smile. You didn't want to. You didn't feel it was right.

But Celestia saw it. and she wanted to see you smile. So she snuck her hoof, and poked you on the side. "I bet she really sperged when you scared her, huh?"

You gasp, then giggle as she pokes your side. You would have fallen off. But she used her magic to keep you in place as she gave you a few more pokes.

You giggle and snort as you whap her hoof away, the tickling being too much for you.
"Yes! yes! fine, hehe! mnnn...."

"Are you ok now? Anon?"

"mnnn..I don't know..." There was another thing bothering you. The lying, and it was clear on your face.

You sigh

Celestia could see you were still a little bothered, she had seen some of the doubt in her adventure through your dreamscape. So she once again tried giving you a gentle smile.
"Anon, I know lying bothers you. I understand that it must be difficult balancing your new life with how you actually are. But I think, if the letters are anything to go by. That you've been doing a fine job showing who you are without compromising everything.


"But, it just feels wrong to act all kiddish in front of the friends I care about. Especially Fluttershy, she's so proud of me....proud of what's essentially a fake."

"Well, I don't think of it as fake. Do you try to do your best for her? Do you genuinely do things that are worthy to be proud of? And do you love her as your Aunt?"

you did....but
"I do....but..I'm not really a colt. I'm supposed to be much older than this."

"And yet you haven't let that get in the way of your friendship you also have with her. Anon, I want you to understand. I'm not telling you to lie forever. But I know how other ponies are, so I know telling the truth may not only be difficult. But even unfavorable. But, I can say that this is definitely something that can be considered a "second chance" at life.Something you can live out and enjoy, even if you do have some advantages from your knowledge of our world and former life. You know you'd grow into your new mindset eventually. So, you could still have everything you've gained, and still be an adult....you just..like I said. Need to grow into it."

woah...the god princess pretty much gave you a free pass to lie. You didn't expect that. But that way she put it...
"So, I should just treat it like I was reborn?"


Celestia nodded "Mhmmm, and if you ever need somepony to talk to about it. You can always send me a letter. Or, come visit. I know distance is no trouble for you."

...wow....Celestia was pretty based.

"How do you feel now?"

You finally smile, a genuine smile.
"I feel....a lot better now actually."

Celestia beamed a much happier smile at you as she gently picked you up off of her with her magic and planted you on the bed as she slowly climbed onto it. lied back on her belly. And looked at you, still smiling. "Now that we've got that over with. We do have to talk about how that competition went. A winner does need to be officially declared you know."

You look at her with a shit eating grin.
"You just want to tell me how you two pretty much cheated a win, don't you?"

Celestia returned your shit eating grin with one of her own "Cheating?" She chuckles "Anon, I do believe I gave you both a chance to set rules on us. And since you didn't impose any. Then what we did was quite fair."

"Oh come on! how we're we supposed to see those pies coming?"

"Well, you could have slowly opened the doors and checked. You could have ducked. A number of things really."

"Why do it at all then? It clearly gave you two a massive advantage. How did you even manage to pull everything off? You two don't strike me as the type to really be that malicious in scaring."

"Typically, we'd never do such a thing. But before I explain that. Let me explain why we put you both to sleep. The reason is actually simple. If we didn't, then you most definitely would have brought on terrible horrors upon us. Something we both couldn't stop. And after actually seeing your dreamscape, something I was actually very glad I planned beforehand in preventing."

Wait...if she was afraid of that. Why did she have you limited on magic too?
".....why..didn't you just limit me too? If you knew that was going to happen."

Celestia looked a little embarrassed on what she was about to say next. "Well...the truth is, Anon. I had actually completely forgotten that your horn was capable of that much power. You'd think I'd remember after you shifted the sun and the moon but...well. We're only ponies after all"

wuttttt.....WHAT?!
"You forgot?! How do you forget something like that?!"

You were between the border of surprise and imminent laughter.


"It just happens" Celestia shrugs "I've lived a long time Anon. There's a lot of things I have to remember. A slip of mind happens. But still, you can't say I cheated. If you or Discord had even realized it was a dream and woken up. Then the both of you could have turned the tides. Especially since I'd be in slumber."

You begin to giggle.
"I..I just still can't believe you forgot. But ok..if you say so. But go on about the reason on why you went so far on the dream. How you managed everything. I'm actually super interested."

Celestia nods "Well, believe it or not. Luna didn't want to go so far. You see, she didn't have the same thoughts I did about you at the time. And thought you were one hundred percent innocent. She actually thought I was insane to actually use anything from your dreamscape. She wanted to help you sort them out. Even after I pointed out to her that the clowns in your mind matched the description from Twilight's letter. She was still combative about it, and thought we should just use a normal strategy. So that's how things started, Of course, with the way you two talk. She slowly started to understand the truth of it herself. And so she eventually realized if you both had the chance, you would have done the same thing"

....she was right. dammit..
"Yeah...I mean..that was the point. To scare one of the teams witless. I guess what really surprised me was seeing all those monsters."

"Indeed, I can't imagine how dangerous your world is to have beasts like that. Many of those things...I really must admit. I could see much of Equestria falling to even a small army of them. How did your kind survive?" Celestia was genuinely curious, the creatures she saw. Many of them were more powerful and beastly than anything she had seen before.

You chuckle, and shake your head.
"Oh no no, nah. They don't exist in our world either."

"They don't?" That confused Celestia. Luna had even told her that these things must have existed, the way they roamed your dreamscape wasn't like something like a silly ghost tale or fear of shadows. They were all deeply ingrained within your memory and mind. Too deeply to just be some imaginative manifestation. "How can that be?"

"Well...um. To explain it simply. I played a lot of video games in my world. A whole lot. That was a huge aspect in my life."

"Video games? Like an arcade? So, that's something our worlds share. But, arcades don't have the level of detail we saw."

"Ahh, well. In our world. Our games are so advanced. They practically look real."

"Amazing. If a little terrifying.......ahh..." Celestia stopped herself "I'm getting very curious, but I can't let that happen. I still have a story to tell of my own."

"Actually, can I ask you something?"

Celestia nods "Of course you can"


"...how...uhh..I mean I know it was a dream. But, how did it feel to get stabbed the way you did? And become a zombie?"

Celestia shrugged and smiled "Oh, I wouldn't know. I wasn't there for that"

what huh?
"But, I saw you get stabbed in the dream. You were in the dream. Right?"

Celestia nodded "I was"

ok...
"But you weren't...yourself. Ok, I'm confused. I'm going to need an explanation on that"

Celestia giggled "Well, that's what I was actually getting to next. My sister Luna, as you may know, is a master of illusions. Multiplied a million fold inside dreams. Everything you saw in the dream was her. The creatures, me, why, even the castle itself was her. Nothing escaped her sight and ears. That's how she was able to keep track and control what happened at every moment."

"Ok...then, if you were also in the dream. then what were you doing?"


Celestia giggled again "Oh, I was Luna. Did I do a good job? I admit, I didn't get to practice for my role as Nightmare Galaxia. We came up with that idea together after "I" exploded. she thought it'd be humorous if I tried being evil. We both got a big laugh out of it."

She was Luna...christ. You never would have guessed. She did a fucking fantastic job.
"Was it your idea to call on my codec too?"

Celestia nodded "Mhmm, Luna showed me a few simple tricks I could use to manipulate the dream for when I assumed direct control." Celestia sighed "I must admit, I'm a little jealous that she can control dreams the way she does. I know it's part of her work. But it does seem like a lot of fun. I couldn't even properly control it, So...I just brought the whole castle down and grew a couple million feet. And ended everything with a bang."

"Well, to me. you did a fantastic job. I really thought you were gonna blow me and Discord apart, and for that..."
You raise your forelegs and clap with your hooves
"I commend you...because geez, that was just over the top"

"Thank you, I really did try my best. "

You start to trail your hoof along the top of the bed in circles. Feeling a little nervous on your next words.
"So..uh...just to be clear. You're absolutely ok with me? And I can stay in Equestria?"

Celestia nods as she gives you a warm smile, to reassure you things were fine. "Yes, you have nothing to worry about. Not unless you give me a reason"



you sigh in relief. It was true. You were in the clear.

"Wow..wooo...I, that really is a big relief for me. You have no idea. I mean, I really thought for sure that the one thing that would have definitely did me in was the fact all the changelings are living with us."

Celestia looked at you with deep confusion "What? What do you mean the changelings are living with you?"

Your eyes went wide...but only for a moment before you chuckled.
"Ohhh hahaha, that's a good one. Real good. But I'm not falling for it."

But Celestia only stared at you "Anon....I didn't know that"

You start to get more and more nervous
"Come on, that's. That's really not funny...right? You're just gonna go "Gotcha"!...right?"

Celestia shakes her head

You cringe, oh...damn..do you. Because this.......became scary.
"...atleast let me explain, please?"

Celestia nods, but her face...it looked serious. She definitely didn't know. "I'm listening, Anon. I'll believe whatever you have to say. Just please be honest with me. I've enjoyed your time thus far. I've been honest with you. So please, be honest with me"

....oh joy, you’re dead.

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