• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,516 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 16

It's a new day. You take a deep breath as you slowly open your eyes and yawn. You slowly raise yourself and look around. Hrn… You were still in your room. What time was it? You slowly got out of bed and looked out the window.

...You couldn't make heads or tails of it. It was always dark here. You wondered if Discord had forgotten about you or if it was just too early. Since you were awake. You decided to get more used to your surroundings… Maybe check out the "front lawn".

You were also still wondering about when you actually had to hang out with DT. But Discord would probably have that arranged against your will sooner or later. All you had to do was figure out how to make it the least painful experience possible. You open your door and look downwards.

...You just looked down. It was a drop to the first floor and you had no idea if you could just "shift" the gravity going down as you do going up.

You give it a shot.

You fail...

You fall down with a yelp, landing on your head first and falling backwards onto your back.
At this point you wondered if you were invincible or just hard headed. "Nghh… dammit… why can't he just put a stairs or an elevator or something… ugh."

You rub your head as you decide to look around… or did. Some of the layout was different than before. Different doors were about. The kitchen was upside down. And some of the windows were in different spots. Even the wallpaper has changed.

"Course..." You sigh, realizing immediately that exploring the house is pointless… or maybe even dangerous if it turns out to be a maze. The front door was still in the same general location however. You head for it and take a look out the peephole. "I wonder..."

You didn't really see anything out of the chaotic unusual.

You you decided to open the door. You were curious to see what anti gravity felt like. Since that one mail pony who seemingly got lost in the void floated away and got taken by a monster.

....Floated away and taken by a monster.

"....Ehhh… On second thought..." You close the door and head back in the middle of the living room. "Not even a TV… kinda wish I had the internet. Since I can't even step outside without some rape monster coming out of nowhere to eat me."

"Ahhhhhhnnn… What a good sleep that was..." You hear Discord's voice in the room.

You look around, but don't see him. "Discord?"

"hrn? Oh good morning Anon. how are you doing? I surely hope you didn't have any terrible nightmares."

...You didn't. But you also couldn't spot Discord. You were getting a little antsy. Due to still waking up and thinking he was going to get the jump on you. You could hear him as if he was right next to you. "No I slept fine… Are you invisible? I don't see you anywhere… You better not jump me with some kind of prank."

"Haha, what would you do if I did? Ahh, but you needn't worry about that. It's breakfast time after all"

You started looking around. Moving things around and looking under cabinets and table. "Breakfast time, huh? If it's as good as dinner and lunch is. Then I'm all ready for that… Darnit where are you?"

"Down here Anon, near the mouse hole."


You look down and scan the wall until you spot him, waving at you. How odd, you could hear him clear as day. Then again. Nothing really made sense with him. So why even wonder? "Don't you think that's a little unnecessary?"

"What?" Discord looked around himself, until he grabbed a chunk of his own fur and pulled it out. A crazy, wiggling, black parasite popping out of it as he holds it up in plain view. "You mean this? I know he may not look like much, but he really gets those itchy spots. I can lend him to you if you wish"

Christ… You gag from disgust and shock from the screaming angry creature. "Geez Discord, What the heck is that thing?!"

"Ohhhoho this? Just a bloodsucking parasite. I collect them from time to time to help me sleep. They also make great snacks." He moved his paw over it. making it smaller. And then opened his mouth and tossed it in like a peanut "Delicious!"

You stuck your tongue out and gagged as you began to feel sick in your stomach. "...Yeah… no. I'd appreciate it if you don't let any of those things near me… please."

"Suit yourself." Discord said as he produced a magical bag full of the damn things and started munching on them.

...Oh god… You can't look at it. You turn around to remove it from view and the moment you do, Suddenly everything was super huge. Did he just make everything bigger all of a sudden? "Hey..what gives?"

You take a chance and look back to where Discord was...but now where he was is now super huge. The mouse hole was bigger than you were. And with a quick flash,Discord wasn't standing there anymore.

"D-discord...what are you d-HEEEYY!! OH GGEEEZ!" You are suddenly lifted by the tail as a super gigantic Discord brings you to eye level. You were smaller than his damn beard.
You were frantic. You felt as if you were so high up.

You were just screaming for Discord to put you down and fix things. But of course, he didn't listen. "Oohhhh, look at you… You're so cuuute..." He snickered. His breath like a strong wind.


"Put you down? Alright then… Down the hatch." Discord lifted you up, looking at you while you raised his arm as high as possible. He then opened his mouth. You could see every tooth in great detail. A death maw right below you.

"DON'T LET ME DOWN. DON'T LET ME DOWN! DON'T EAT ME… DAMMIT DAHHHHH!" He let's you go as you scream in terror. Falling into his mouth.

He closes his mouth, enveloping you in darkness. You close your eyes. Still screaming as you expect to be lapped up on his wet tongue or digested. But instead, you feel a cool breeze and gentle grass.

You slowly open your eyes… You were… right in front of Fluttershy's cottage again. Discord was floating right above you as he giggled "Ahh, nothing like a good scare to fully wake you up, wouldn't you agree Anon?"

You fill with rage as you jump at him with a scream. You actually manage to grab him tightly as you pull him back down. Or at least half of him as his upper torso rains down orange juice onto your face and fur.

"Anon, I'd have expected you to at least expect a few tricks now and again. But you just keep falling for it. What happened to that human know-how? Hmm?" He said.

You move away from the falling juice and let go of Discord's lower half as it rejoins his top. You cough and spit and shake your head to recuperate before looking up at him with an enraged look.


Discord snickered "And yet here you are...screaming at the top of your lungs for Fluttershy to hear what a potty mouth you have."


...Shit, you were right at her door. You did your best to calm yourself, but dammit. You at least lowered your voice. "I'm still getting used to this place. Can't you just cut me some slack. Sure fine, maybe I should have expected it. But actually dropping me like that is still scary as hell. Why can't you just ease up! huh? I'm supposed to be your son. And all you seem to like to do is piss me off half the time."

Discord floated down to the ground and dusted himself off. "That's because it's fun to make you angry half the time. It's so easy and has zero repercussions"

Zero repercussions? Oh hell fucking no. You weren't used to this magical bullshit yet. And you did want to get along with him. You really did. And sometimes you seem to. but other times? He just fucking grinds your gears. "What about mental trauma? You said you didn't need to worry about trauma. And that's because you know I had to deal with a lot of crap. But that crap wasn't crazy magic that makes my life flash before my eyes every damn time!"

"You have to take the good with the bad Anon. Besides? What are you going to do about it? hrnn? Grab me again? It's not as if I'm physically abusing you. I treat you well… and then sometimes I get bored. But if you want to rip me in half..." Discord started drawing a dotted line around his torso "...Right here's a good start. It could use a good massage."

You growled. There was nothing you could do. Even if his good was making you happy. His bad was infuriating you. And there was nothing you could do. You stomped your hoof to the ground and turned back to Fluttershy's door.

"...forget it. Let's just get this over with. I don't even know what you want to do with Fluttersh-.."


An evil smile grows on your face as you slowly turn back to Discord. "You know, you're right… there’s nothing I can do"

Discord nodded happily as he leaned his back in the air and threw his upper limbs behind his limbs, closing his eyes to relax. "We established that"

"...But Fluttershy could"

Discord opened his eyes. and flipped back up. "hrn?"

"You heard me. All I have to do is say "Daddy is mean to me! He threw me in his mouth and made me cry!"" You caught his attention as his jovial mood dropped to that of one losing the advantage

"You wouldn't do that." Discord gave you a serious but worried stare

...that’s it? "You wouldn't do that?". That was his best defense? Oh man, you finally had him. "I would. Look, I could pull off some dirty crap of my own. It's part of my "human nature" after all. All I'm asking is for you to ease up. You want to pull pranks, fine. But don't do it all the damn time and stop making it to the point i'd have a heart attack. You don't do it to the ponies… so don't do it to me. Are we clear?"

"Are you giving your father an order? Anon, are you aware of the power I wield? The magic I command. THE HORRORS I CAN SUMMON?!" Discord said as green fire and smoke started to circle around him.

You just nod. "Yup, and if you use any of it. I'll tell Fluttershy… Excuse me, Aunt Fluttershy. Capesh?"

The threatening magic instantly dissipated as Discord mumbled words. "hmnnnmm....mnnn.."

Now you snickered. "Come on Dad. It's not like i'm asking you to stop. Just ease up. it's called a compromise. If you can do it for Fluttershy, then you can do it for me, now, about that thing with Diamond Tiara."

Discord crossed his arms "If you think you're getting out of that then you are out of your mind. A punishment is a punishment, Anon."

"Yeah well, I don't think I should have to take it. What do you care anyway? Is it really because you need to play the role as "Father"? Because you know and I know she's a brat."

Discord nodded "Oh I know, but you still stepped out of line yourself. I've hung around a few villains in my day Anon, and the way it sounded. You acted like how one of them would. And as such, discipline was required."

You sigh, aggravated. "But I'm not actually your son. Remember?"

"Oh I know, but we are compromising. Aren't we? as a trade for you being my son, you get to live a comfy life in the world of your dreams. If anything I would say you made out like a bandit."

...mmmm... No argument there.You could still interact with all the cute cuddly ponies for real. A huge product for the low price of just dealing with a reformed spirit of chaos who… so far… seems to have no intent on killing you or sending you back.

"Anon.." Discord sighed, and looked at you with a more sincere voice. "..you've seen how things are from a dimensional glimpse through a television screen. I'm asking for your help. Well, forcing you into it with the promise of happiness but that’s besides the point. Fluttershy is my best friend. I've made mistakes… very few, but enough that I nearly jeopardized everything because my grasp of friendship… while near perfect, has a few flaws. I picked you because I felt you would understand and play along. As I think other humans would have either called it quits, died of a heart attack, or become malicious enough to actually cause major harm. I'm not asking you as a father… I'm asking you as a friend. Just help me with this. Fluttershy's happiness means a lot to me" You noticed a tear drop from Discord's face.

..Shit… That was… quite a speech. "...Do you really mean that?"

Discord wiped his tear away "Most of it...the parts with Fluttershy are 100% true"

...ugh… you nearly roll your eyes. Still… whether he was faking or not. That was impressive. It was odd. He didn't have to treat you like a son outside of the view of Fluttershy. Maybe he was just helping you adjust? ...You'll never be able to figure it out.

"...Ok ok, fine. I won't say anything to Fluttershy. Just promise to ease up, that's all I ask. I'll even deal with Diamond Tiara… but don't expect perfection from that, alright?"

Discord put his paw to his heart "I promise!"

You narrow your eyes. "Pinkie Promise..."

Discord rolled his eyes "Really Anon? You can't take my word for it?"

You shake your head. "Nope...Pinkie Promise"

Discord rubbed his chin "Very well… but, you must Pinkie Promise to better yourself as a pony and as my son? Deal?"

You raise an eyebrow. "...What's all this "better myself" stuff anyway? I know it's for Fluttershy. But, the way you say it implies for everypony."

"Well, you did want to come here for a happier life. right? Nopony here would want to be around a stingy,grumpy, negative thinking human? Don't you think?"

...It didn't take even a moment to realize he was right about that. Pinkie herself goes through insane lengths just to get someone to smile and be more positive. And for others, it'd just turn them away... still… "...So..you're really helping me integrate better, huh? You know that means you're doing a good deed right?" You chuckle at the thought.

Discord tapped your head. Lightly this time, it barely even stung. "I thought it was a compromise. I help you, you help me. It's nothing more than that. I just happen to be the one putting in much more effort. Understood?"

You almost giggle. That's kind of cute. "Good talk Dad, good talk."

Discord smirked at you "It's always a good talk when it comes to me" He turns and knocks on Fluttershy's door "I assume I don't have to say anything to you?"

You shake your head. "No, I got it. Big happy smiles and be on my best behavior. Trust me, even I would never want to see Fluttershy frown or cry in person."

Discord nodded "You never want to see her angry either… trust me. When you are actually her friend, that stare suddenly means something, eheh."

You both stood at the ready. As the door began to open.

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