• Published 21st Oct 2017
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Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter

Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 29

You wake up, laying on your side.

You yawn, you had a pretty peaceful sleep. You could vaguely remember a dream of adventure
Clutched in your hooves was the Daring Do book, you hadn't finished it. But it was pretty good so far.

Despite what happened yesterday, the fact that Discord seemed...nicer...was still fresh in your mind. You weren't sure if it was a one time thing or not. But it was nice.
as you hopped off to open the door that laid on the floor of your room. You prepped your mind so the gravity would shift to let you down.
You open the door, and take your first step. But there was no shift. You fall straight down into the next room.

You yell, did you do something wrong? You hadn't the time to think as you slam head first into...Gelatin?

Suddenly you found yourself stuck and submerged in what seemed to be gigantic red gelatin.
Discord popped out of nowhere, he was staring at you from outside the gelatin as happy as can be "Good Morning Anon! I've made you some Gelatin! Isn't that great?"

No! You started to realize you couldn't breath and struggled to get out. Welp, you knew his niceness wouldn't last forever. But right out of the gate?!

Discord face of glee suddenly turned to that of contempt "Anon, I made this for you to eat, not to play with. Now hurry up and eat your fill. We need to go see Twilight post haste so we can be done with whatever boring thing she wants with us so we can move on to the fun stuff."

Goddammit! nonchalant as ever about what could be a dire situation. You desperately start munching and chomping your teeth at the gelatin and move slowly forward as you nearly run out of breath.
Right when things are getting hazy, you manage to pop your head out of the gelatin and cough and hack. tons of the gel like fluid popping out of your mouth.

Discord looks down at the chunks and sighs "Anon, now is no time to decorate the floor, I just told you we have to go soon."

You look at him, angry at the fact you could have drowned in fucking gelatin.
"Dammit! You didn't have to set it right outside my door! You nearly killed me!"

Discord hovered up to you and took some of the gelatin in his mouth and started chomping. "Well I couldn't very well put it to the side, you would have fallen onto your head."

"Why did you even remove the gravity..shifty..thing? I could have just walked down! Remember!?"

"Too slow, Twilight felt the need to send a letter. a letter Anon! I mean, she acts as if I didn't hear her yesterday"

you couldn't win this. Fine, You were just extra angry because you had just woken up. He wouldn't let you drown...most likely. You take a breath, and relax yourself as your body bobs around in the gelatin.
“As if she’d have trusted you to listen...”
You tried to get out of the gelatin, but no amount of struggling was getting you out.

Discord starts to rub his chin "Hrmmm, I suppose that sounds sensible enough. It's makes me a little sad though, makes me feel as if nopony really appreciates me"

"...I.....don't think anypony couldn’t notice you if....ahh..you know what...forget it...you mind getting me out?"

Discord snaps his talons, teleporting you out of the gelatin and sending you right to it's side. You take a glance at it, and stick your hoof in it and grab a chunk and stuff it in your mouth. While trying to escape it, you had noticed it’s delicious cherry goodness.
"This is pretty good now that I'm not drowning in it."

At least he served up some good food 100% of the time. And...apparently it was always healthy...you hoped. You didn't ever feel sick or out of energy. You take another hoof full and slam it in your mouth. Good stuff.

Discord was busy making different sets of clothes appear and vanish "Hmmmmm..which one of these would be good...I can't decide...Anon, which one of these do you think would be presentable to Twilight?"

He turns to you, on one side was two monster costumes, on the other was a couple of rags.

Definitely terrible choices no matter what. Grabbing one more hoof full of Gelatin. You think to yourself that the cute tux ensemble you both wore would be better.
"What about the tuxes and top hats? They are pretty classy."

Discord chuckled and tapped at his forehead "Yes of course, I suppose "Class" is the correct way to go."

He snaps his talons. making your tux appear right on you as his appears on himself.
He seemed to be in a rush this morning. You wondered what this was all about.
"Discord? What's up? What was in the letter exactly?"

Discord straightens his top hat as he speaks "It's a summons Anon, Apparently this is high end official royal business. One that calls for our arrival as soon as possible"

Huh...you didn't think he'd care if he was late or not.
"huh....it's just odd to see you in a rush. I would have thought you'd just procrastinate or find a way out of it."

"Normally I would. But I have responsibilities too. Anon. It'd look bad on the both of us if we didn't heed the words of our wise and intelligent princess"

Whatever was on the letter probably had to do with the whole adoption thing. Meaning you'd probably have to prepare yourself for anything thrown at you as well. You just hope Discord had covered every detail.

"Ahh yes Anon..." Discord said as he hovered over to you to straighten your top hat "She's probably going to hit us hard with some questions. I trust you are resourceful enough to give her the answers she wants to hear, right?"

You nod.
"Yeah, but Discord. I was thinking. What if your plan gets discovered? I mean...That'd be really bad for the both of us. Really really bad. I know you have good intentions, but I was just thinking. What if somepony finds out?"

"Hrn? Anon, as long as we proceed with tact then we should be in the clear. Word is already starting to spread about you and me, and from what I hear. It's positive. Nothing bad could possibly come from this as long as we play our cards right."

You really hope some Saturday morning bullshit doesn't get you both discovered. You feared it might be a ticket straight back to earth. In fact..
You gave Discord a stern look
"Discord, you have to make sure you have all your bases covered. And I mean all of them. I want to really help you achieve your goal here. But even after your lesson about dimensions...I'm still convinced theres some tropes that can come to play that could ruin everything.. You have to make sure Discord. I'm telling you....we're both screwed if anypony finds out..."

Discord gave a light hearted chuckle "Oh Anon, taking charge are we? Do you think I've missed something?"

"You may have...You have before. I really don't want to go back to earth, Discord. I'm certain I can find a happier life here in Equestria. But I don't want it screwed up because you missed something. Besides, could you imagine how Fluttershy would react if she found out?"

Discord gave you applause "Bravo Anon, I approve of your initiative. It means you are taking this as seriously as I am. But I can assure you I've taken all the measures needed to prevent us from being found out. All I require from you is to follow along as if you were an adopted colt."

you nod, that's what you were doing so far. You still thought there may have been a hole. But if there was. Your keen eye would spot it. But still, you had to wonder.
"Discord...I gotta ask, are we going to keep this up forever? I mean...I guess it's not all that bad. It's just weird I may have to adopt this identity for the rest of my life and nopony would ever know..."

Discord nodded "We would, but it won't be all that bad. Once we get more settled in, I can start letting you out on your own and you could become your own colt. How does that sound?"

That sounded pretty good actually. You were getting sick of this on-rails new life you had so far.
"Yeah, sounds good. You'll keep your word on that right?"

Discord nods "I hope so, all this planning gives me such a headache. I could get very ill if it keeps up..yes, letting you go off on your own would definitely be better for my health. That is if I can trust you not to ruin the plan."

You felt pretty confident that you could keep it up.. Besides, you got a chance at restarting your life over. Who knows what the future held for you.
"Yeah, I can manage it. Just have to get past Diamond Tiara too, you have my back on that still right?"

Discord nodded "Yes yes, but first thing's first. We have a princess to satisfy"

You nod, you were ready. All you had to do was act like a happy kid. That wasn't so hard.
With that, Discord snapped his talons. Teleporting right behind the doors to the cutie map.

You shake your head to orient yourself....you'll never get used to teleporting.
"hrn? huh...I thought we'd just barge right in."

"Manners Anon, manners. This is an official summons after all...not a friendly visit." Discord said as he knocked on the chamber doors.


You could hear Twilight's voice across the door. "Who could that be?"

Then you hear Spike's "Maybe it's Discord?"

Then Twilight "That's silly Spike. Discord doesn't knock on doors. Maybe it's Pinkie Pie, she did want to help with the festival plans today."

Suddenly, you could hear little steps approach the door "oh boy! that sounds great! Can't wait to hear the kind of ideas Pinkie Pie has, I'll let her in right away!"

Hrm...seems they were ready for you guys to actually barge in. You look up to Discord who just stands there waiting...but his head...it was now a creepy Pinkie head. oh...boy...here we go.

Spike opened the door and greeted the false Pinkie "Hey Pinkie Pie! how...are...you...u....u....u.."

Discord lowered his face to Spike's as his eyes became red, the poofy hair became mangled, and his teeth became fanged and sharp "Hello there Spike, are you ready to smiiiiiiiiiillleeeeeee!"
Spike screamed in terror as he turned and ran the other direction "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

You hold in a chuckle, that was pretty good.

Spike dove behind Twilight as he shivered with fright "T-T-T-TWILIGHT! PINKIE GOT POSSESSED!"

"Wha?" Possessed?" Twilight looked over to the door, and when she could only see you, the door hadn't opened wide enough to get a glimpse of Discord from where she was at "...It's just Anon Spike. how could you mistake him for Pinkie? They don't even look the same..." Suddenly it hit Twilight that you were there "...wait...Anon?"

Spike looked over Twilight to take a look himself "B-b-b-b-but...what?! I-I could have sworn that..."

You could see that all the books and scrolls had been moved out of the room. Twilight stood up and beckoned you over "Come on in Anon, you don't have to be shy. Where's your father? I thought he'd be with you."

Twilight started to look around, she seemed to be at the ready for Discord to pop out of nowhere.

But he didn't. the moment he heard his cue. He opened the other door of the twin doors leading into the room and bellowed "Good Morning Twilight! How are you doing this morning?!"

"Discord?" Twilight looked around, she could have sworn he was going to just pop in from somewhere "G-good morning....huh..Well, um. Will you both come in? We have a few things we need to talk about."

"Ohhhh...that's very uninviting Twilight. Were friends remember? You don't need to sound so official." Discord said as he walked forward. You walked along with him.

Discord decided to plop himself on Fluttershy's seat. You just sat next to him. It was pretty comfortable to sit as a colt. Your body seemed better for just plopping down than when you were a human.

"Discord, this is official business afterall. I've been looking over the papers you gave me. It all seemed legitimate. But I noticed there was something missing, there's no assigned social worker for Anon."

Goddammit...yes of course he had to miss something. You cringed that there may have been a hole already. But when you look at Discord, he didn't seemed worried at all.

"I skipped it entirely. How are social workers supposed to get to my home? Besides, I don't trust them. They'd probably mark me down as a bad father immediately and take my poor little Anon away."

That sounded like your cue. You immediately put on a frowny face and whined
"T-take me away? But..I don't want to go away! I love my Dad!"

You noticed Discord cringe at those words. A little too strong sure. But it was effective.

Twilight noticed you. She didn't say anything , but sheseemed to show some concern. "...hmmm..Discord, you need to have an assigned social worker to check up on you and Anon every now and again. You could meet them in a neutral place if you need to."

Discord yawned "Too bothersome, why don't you just do it if you are so big on assigning me a social worker"

"Me?!" Twilight said in surprise "Discord, I can't just assume the role of a social worker. I don't have the proper credentials and-"

Discord interrupts Twilight with a hearty big laugh "oooohhh Really? You?! lacking the credentials. My dear Twilight, you are a princess. That makes you more than qualified for the job...and besides, we are very close friends. And yet I can see in your eyes that you seem to think I'm pulling some sort of trick. And since that is the case, who better to be the social worker than you, you'd be able to sniff me out instantly if I was pulling the wool over your eyes...which I'm not"

Twilight thought about it "Well..I was planning to do a follow up on you two today anyway...I guess...I can do it. But just because it was your idea doesn't mean I'll be lenient. This colt's happiness and health is what's important here."

Discord took a sniff of his nose, and then scratched it "That's fine with me, I have nothing to hide."

"Alright then.....then I shall conduct the first official evaluation and have it recorded in the castle records. Spike, I need you to write down everything important, got it?"

Spike stood up and immediately went for a quill and scroll, and then gave Twilight a salute "No problem Twlight, I got this"

Twilight nodded to Spike, and then turned to you "Anon. I actually have a question for you first. Would you mind if I conducted a little test on you with my magic? It won't hurt you. I just want to make sure of something."

That was worrisome, and seemed a little intrusive. You looked to Discord for an answer.
"D-dad? is that ok?"

Discord didn't even turn to face you as he made a parfait appear in his talons and began to dig in. "Of course it is, just let Twilight do whatever she needs to do and relax. There's nothing to worry about."

mmmm...just was going to have to trust him, but what spell was she going to cast?
You nod to Twilight
"Alright then, I don't mind miss Twilight...."

You decide to make a cute nervous face, as if you had made an adorable mistake
"I-I mean Princess Twilight..I-I'm sorry...you're so pretty that I made that mistake...sorry sorry.."

Twilight didn't know how to take that comment. She noticed you were acting odd yesterday when you showed up with Diamond Tiara. she even had a thought maybe you had an excuse to actually visit her because you may have had a crush on her.
Twilight gave you a warming smile as her horn began to glow "I promise it'll be alright Anon, this will be quick. Ok? And you can call me Twilight if you want, in fact. I'd prefer it that way."

She gives your head a gentle rub with her hoof , thinking it'd calm you. Instead, it just gave you that usual fuzzy feeling...along with something else.
You can feel some kind of magical surge go through your body for a quick moment, then disappear.
"W-what happened?"

"Oh nothing Anon" Discord said as he downed the glass the parfait was sitting in "Twilight didn't think you were a real pony, she cast a spell that would dissipate some of my magic to show the "Truth" of the situation. But of course, nothing happened. I told you Twilight, I have nothing to hide"

indeed, nothing happened.
"I just had to be sure Discord...I hope that didn't upset you Anon, I just wanted to be sure. It was nothing against you." She tried to reassure you, you felt it was intrusive, but you just put on a happy boyish smile.
"That's ok Twilight! I don't mind! you were just doing your duty!"
You hope you weren't laying it on too thick.

Spike, writing down the results of the test, noticed how happy you seemed. "Wow! this kid's pretty happy. Maybe he's got a crush on you Twilight?"

"What?!" You cried

"Spike!" Twilight yelped, surprised by him.

Bookhorse was cute, but definitely not on your waifu list.

"I-I don't have a crush...I was just being polite.."

Spike smirked "Surrrreeee...I could tell that you got some sort of thing for her"

Twilight looked back at Spike "You'd be an expert on that, wouldn't you Spike?"

Spike blushed and felt embarrassed, he knew what she meant, and so did you "H-hey! That's not the reason! I just have a good eye for that sort of thing, that's all.."

Twilight giggled "Alright Spike, I believe you."
Twilight turned back to Discord "Discord, you don't mind if I ask your son a few basic questions do you?"

"Not at all, do whatever you need to do Twilight. I will comply with whatever you need from me, as I keep saying. I have nothing to hide."

Twilight was internally impressed, the fact Discord had come through the doors, her spell revealing nothing suspicious even though it should have, and Discord not being difficult was very amazing to her. She even had to compliment him."Discord, thank you for your cooperation. I'm really proud of you."

Discord chuckled "Yes, I've been getting that a lot lately."

Twilight nodded, then turned to face you. she gave you an inviting and warm smile and spoke to you in a happy positive tone "Alright Anon, I'm just going to ask you a few questions about how things have been going for you so far. I want you to answer as honestly as you can, ok? and don't hesitate to ask me if you need any of the questions explained to you."

Easy enough...even though you were going to lie when needed.
You nod
"I'm ready Twilight!"

Twilight couldn't help but smile at your demeanor and began to ask her questions "Anon, on a rating of one to ten, ten being the highest. How would you rate your father?"

"I don't think ten is a high enough number..."

Spike had to roll his eyes at that "Oh boy..."

"Spike Don't be rude, if that's how he feels then that's how he feels. Just write down a ten."

Spike was skeptical "I dunno Twilight, now I think something fishy is going on...." He jots the information down.

"See Twilight, this is what I have to put up with. And you wonder why I get defensive. Now I have to fear for my son because now there's ones like Spike who would see him as something sinister." Discord put in an upset tone to his speech.

"Hey! It's not my fault. I didn't sell out all of Equestria to a centaur bent on world domination!" Spike barked at Discord, feeling justified in his words.

Twilight looked at Spike with disappointment "Spike! I'm surprised at you. Discord is doing his best to actually show that he's changing. It is a little extreme to adopt a child. But...that's why we are all here. Keep your opinions to yourself and just write down all the important data , alright?"

Spike grumped "Yeah yeah...yeesh, can't blame a dragon for speaking his mind...mnng..."

this was in the bag. as you thought about it. It still felt off having to fake it to win Twilight over. But you'd only have to endure it for ,hopefully, a little while longer.

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