• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,282 Views, 2,759 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 32

Of course, now your adrenaline rush was over. And with it gone. You felt the pain and aches of the beating you took. It was pretty bad, enough to make you stumble.

"...great...now I feel like sh-"

Diamond Tiara calls out to you, she's tied by the ropes. Unable to move "A-Anon! are you ok!?"

Wow..she was actually worried about you? eh..you just did pretty much save her life.
You slowly tip and tumble towards her
"Yeah I'm fine. ngh....I told you you should have just given them the money..."

"I-I'm sorry...I didn't know that was going to happen. I didn't think that would happen.."
of course she didn't. Then again, you didn't think you could win in a straight up fight.
You stand over her, your vision was blurring, but you could see the rope wasn't tied too well. You simply grab a loose knot with your teeth and pull. Freeing her.
"...There we go.....good thing these guys weren't very good at tying rope huh?"

Diamond Tiara didn't say anything as she stood. She looked worried for you "A-anon, you look really hurt."

Did you? You were in pain..but...
"nah...I..."
You fall over
"...ok...I dunno how I look...but ngh..I'm hurting pretty bad.."

Diamond Tiara got really worried for you, she began to panic "A-A-Anon! Are you ok!? Is there anything I can do?! What's wrong?!"

You weren't in the mood to get scared of your own condition. You were pretty sure you weren't going to die. You just got roughed up badly. You were sure you could still stand. But the moment you try, you fall over. You felt so weak, you were then starting to get a little scared.
"...oh geez...umm..Look..stay calm ok? We're near Sugarcube Corner right?"...get some help from anypony there...They'll know what to do.."

Diamond Tiara panicked but complied, and ran as fast as she could out of the alley.
Funny how sudden and immediate danger can change one’s thinking real quick
You were alone now.
You were in pain, and you were wondering how bad you looked. You didn't expect such an assbeating at all while in this world.

"D-dammit Discord....a-anytime now...I'm hurting pretty bad.."
No answer
your vision was blurring more and more.
At least Diamond Tiara didn't just leave you to fry, right? Hopefully she was doing as you said. She looked so scared. As if she never had been in such a situation before. It seemed pretty convenient
....in fact....this whole attack seemed like that.
Bedlam
Calamity
Chaos
Disorder
........Discord....
"...god...fucking....d-d-.....uhhhn-"

You fall unconscious as you just realized what may have actually happened.
things go dark...
fucking dammit....it had to be him...and now you were gonna die. What the hell was he thinking? That had to be him...right?

"Walk into the light..."

"...wha?"

"Walk into the light......."

Oh shit....were you dead?...or was Luna somewhere trying to contact you?
You couldn't speak..you were covered in darkness.

"...the liiiiggghhttt"

You...saw it. A light...you saw it!..you tried moving towards it. Whoever was saying this...was your guiding light...

"The.....liiiiiighhhtttt Nonny!"

"Will you stop that?! The doctor said he needs rest! So stop being an idiot!"

"huh? ummm..I'm pretty sure I'm saying light...not "being an idiot" "

The light starts to become bigger, warmer.

"No! What you are doing is stupid! You can't just wake him up with noise. He needs his rest! Can't you see that?! Ugh! Why did you have to be the one to help?!"

"Well...everypony else was stunned and confused. Mr.Cake went to get the proper authorities, Mrs.Cake stayed with her foals, and I was going to go out anyway so you got me. Does that answer your question?"

"NO! ANYPONY ELSE COULD HAVE DONE IT IF THEY WEREN'T SO STUPID! BUT I HAD TO GET YOU AND YOUR "WALK INTO THE-"
You wake up, gasping for air as if you had been underwater.
You were in a hospital room, in a bed, Diamond Tiara and Pinkie pie on both sides of you. Diamond Tiara looked shocked when you awoke "-...light"

Pinkie lit up with a smile "See? Told you it'd work. Welcome back Nonny! I hope you weren't planning on going anywhere"

"...u...ugh...w-what happened?...who...Pinkie?..."

Your vision was still blurry, and you still ached. But not as bad as before


"Relax Nonny...you're gonna be ok! Thanks to ole Pinkie Pie here! hey! since you're awake now. Do you want to hear a joke?"

"NO HE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR A JOKE! HE'S IN PAIN!"
...oh...that was Diamond Tiara too....but wait...is she defending you...sorta?...ugh..your head hurt. Especially from her yelling. You turn slightly and move your hooves to your pillow and shove it in your face.

Pinkie shushes Diamond Tiara "Shhhh...don't yell, I think it's hurting him"

Diamond Tiara was now aggravated, angry she was told to be quiet "YOU'RE THE ONE HURTING HIM WITH ALL-"

You had it
"STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!....oygh..."
You hold your head
"Please stop...I don't even know what's going on..."

Diamond Tiara immediately stopped.and Pinkie grew quiet as well.

You peek over. Your vision becomes clearer as you notice Diamond Tiara looks absolutely upset that you told her to shut up. She looks into your eyes apologetically. "S-sorry....I didn't mean to hurt you.."

You peer over to Pinkie. She wasn't looking too happy herself "...are you ok Nonny?"

You take a moment to collect your thoughts, and fully come to realize you were in the hospital.
"...ugh...I feel like I got hit by a truck..."

Diamond Tiara reacted negatively to that response. She grew even more worried. "oh no...Anon..."
Why did she react like that?

You look over to Pinkie, who suddenly had a book in her hooves, she was looking for something "Truck.....truck...I don't see or even know anything about a truck...oh no..Anon...is your brain ok?" She looks at you with a worried pout.

...oh...fuck..that's right...pony world.
"hey girls come on..."
You let out a chuckle, maybe that would help
"..it's just an expression I picked up...truck means...uhhh...a really big speeding object."

They let out a collective "oh"

you slowly started to feel better as you regained most of your senses.
"...so...where am I exactly?"

"You're in the hospital Nonny. And it's a good thing too, I don't think you were going to get better in that alley!"

Diamond Tiara slapped her hoof onto her own face "I think he knows that"

That's right! You were in the alley. That means Diamond Tiara really did manage it. And Pinkie was the one to save you it seems. And then....oh...oh...right...You really needed to see Discord now...

You turns to the flat of your back and took a huge breath. Trying to relax as you tried to reason as to why, if it was him, why he'd beat the shit out of you so badly...in fact...
"...can I get a mirror please?"

"ummm..Nonny....I don't think that's a good idea." Pinkie says with a cringe

"...I agree with her..." Diamond says with a worried look

"Why?..how bad can it be?"

"Well umm" Pinkie tapped her muzzle "Your eyelid is puffy, you got a black eye. You're bruised in a lot of places, you got scoffed, some cuts, a-"

Diamond Tiara looked at her with vicious eyes and raging anger "DON'T TELL HIM THAT! THAT'S ALMOST THE SAME AS GIVING HIM A MIRROR!"

You grumble...loud noises still hurt.

"oh...s-sorry" Pinkie stopped and frowned

These two in the same room was probably not good for your health. What you found really strange was that Diamond Tiara was here at all. And playing nice....sorta...kinda.

still...they both saved you...maybe..if you were really going to die that is...

"...Thanks...really. I almost thought I was done for.."

"Don't think like that Nonny. That's a really sad thought." Pinkie frowned again. Yeah, a colt talking about dying probably wasn't good for her own mood.

"Sorry..umm.."
shit..don't be such a downer Anon..
"..uhh..umm..how about that joke Pin-...Ponk?"

Diamond Tiara says nothing, as if following your word to let Pinkie tell a joke.

Pinkie lights up, feeling a joke will personally light up the mood of everyone in the room.
"Ok..I got the perfect one! Everypony ready?"

You nod, and give her a weak smile. Diamond Tiara just sits there. Waiting....she could at least smile...yeesh..

"Ok ok...How did the carpenter beat a whole pirate crew?" Pinkie was besides herself with this one.

Diamond Tiara actually started to think
You did yourself as well.. how does a carpenter beat a bunch of pirates. You look to her and shrug.

Pinkie giggled snorted "HE boarded THEM!"

And with that Diamond Tiara actually started giggling.

You didn't, you got the joke, but. It was too simple a joke for you.

Pinkie seemed hurt you didn't smile or laugh "N-nonny..you didn't laugh.."

Even Diamond Tiara seemed pretty worried. She laughed, so why didn't you "A-anon?"

ugh...girls...you had two of them....you were on a bed....and you were in pain...and now making them upset...this would be the worst porno in history.
"S-sorry..I guess i'm still a little too achy to laugh. It was a good joke though.."

And before anything else can be said, a doctor comes into the room. He seemed a little angry "What are you two doing in here? I said this patient needed rest!"

"Really? Because she said it was ok" Pinkie pointed towards Diamond Tiara

"Of course it's ok. Don't you know who I am?" Diamond Tiara chided at the doctor.

"I don't care who you are. If you aren't immediately related to this patient then I'm going to have to have you leave. He is in need of his rest!" The doctor barked back.

"Y-yeah?..Well...I'M HIS SISTER!" Diamond Tiara yelled at the top of her lungs.

The hell? ok...something was up. Diamond Tiara seemed awfully keen in wanting to stay with you. You thought she hated you.

"Huh? I thought y-" Before Pinkie couldn’t finish her sentence. You interrupt her.

"u-uhh Ponk...can you see if you can find....uhmm. Something? I need to talk with my sister"

damn..you couldn't have her go look for Discord. But "Something" had to work. You just hoped she wouldn't question what that something is.

"Discord? Okie Dokie Loki!" Pinkie saluted

"Wait...you know he's-"

"Your Dad? Yup! Twilight told me! But don't worry, I gotcha and I understand. Have a good chat with your sister" She winked at you. Ugh, yeah. Why did you even find that surprising? Pinkie always aims to please. And you do remember Twilight was waiting for her as well.

The doctor looked at Diamond Tiara and then you for a moment. being a unicorn doctor, he hovered your chart and some other papers up to where he can see it. He didn't see anything written down for family, but..you were a colt. So you had to have some. That’s what he seemed to think anyway "....alright...But don't be too long. He still needs his rest."

"I won't...hmph.." Diamond Tiara harumphed at the doctor. She didn't like being told what to do.

Pinkie bid you a happy farewell. You wondered if she could even find him. But you did want to definitely talk to him. The least he could do is fucking heal you. But first thing's first.

"u-ummm...Doctor...c-can I have some private time with my sister? Please...I just want to let her know I'll be alright."

The doctor sighed "You took a serious beating ..are you sure you're up to this?"

You nod
"Just for a bit"

"That's all I can give you. But then you need to lie down and get a little more sleep. We ar...wait.." The doctor then realized something "Did you say your father was Discord?"

You nod
"Y-yeah..is that a problem?"

The doctor held his breath for a moment and turned to hide his fright. "..ahrm...no no...umm. We just hope Miss Pinkie can find him for you..that's all...umm..have a good chat"

Ohhhhh...you figured he was supposed to contact colts and fillies parents. He probably was fucking terrified of having to talk with Discord at all.

But he left, and you finally had some alone time with Diamond Tiara. You were too curious to her change.
You just stared at her, as she stared at you.
You actually couldn't think of anything to start with.
But she did, the next moment after the doctor left. She grasped onto you and cried.

"A-Anon! Anon! You saved me!"

Oh god..OH GOD....THAT HURTS! it was like a lightning jolt!
"N-nghhh........nghhhhhhhhhhh"

"You...you didn't have to...y-you were so brave...I-I thought...because of things I did..you..would have just left me...b-but...Anooon!"

What the fuck was this noise?! and HOLY CRRAAAPP STOOOPPPPPPP!!!
You were doing your best not to yelp and cry out. But holy fuck. She was just nuzzling and cuddling into you like a damn puppy. What in the fuck...
"NMMHHHHHHMGGRR"

She could hear your muffled yelps and cries of pain and looked at your face. It looked like someone had just stuck a dagger in you. She gasped and backed off. Apologizing profusely.
"A-Anon..I'm sorry! I..I forgot you were still in pain..I...please don't get mad...please"




oh god...the pain..it was back..But also you began to get it. She was just ACTUALLY being thankful for saving her....you would have wondered how long that would last.
You take a moment to componse yourself. If only to get her to calm down about you being in pain.
"I-It's fine..s-see?"
You grit your teeth to a distorted smile
"..see..I-I'm good.."

Diamond Tiara wasn't convinced, and it was apparent she felt horrible about something. You tried thinking for a time in the show if she ever had to deal with anything like this. nothing sprung up.
"Anon...is there anything I can do to help you feel better?..I..I didn't mean to hurt you"

You took steady breaths, trying to ease the pain. Damn...should have at least told the doctor you were in pain, probably could have gotten some pills or something. They have those in Equestria, right?
"It's fine...Diamond..though it's weird"

Diamond Tiara tilted her head slightly, confused, wiping some of her tears away "W-what's weird?"

You chuckle weakly
"You're worried about me, you're being nice....well..sorta. And you actually got somepony to save me. I guess it's weird to me."

"W-what do you mean? You..you totally stuck your neck out for me. Instead of leaving me. I-I thought you...would just run off when that pony said you could..it almost...looked like you were...but you didn't. You saved me...you fought them off....it was amazing.."
she was capable of being thankful. Hell, she was having trouble speaking from being choked up from your actions.

"eh,It was just something I felt I had to do. Don't look too into it..."

"B-but...if it was...any other pony...anypony I was trying to blackmail or extort...they...they probably would have left me..you didn't"

That wasn't true.You knew the CMC,being moralistic when things get extreme, would have probably done the same thing.

"Nah.there's other ponies out there that would have done the same thing. Some of us aren't so scummy.."

Diamond Tiara suddenly shifted her expression to sad and worried. To extremely hurt. "..y..y-you think I'm scummy?..A-am..I really that bad?"

.........oh..no.....oh nooooo......that reaction...oh god no. Please no...She didn't...please god no...not her..
"u..uhh..I didn't mean it like that. D-diamond..I mean..you got Pinkie to come get me..s-so we're even..that makes you not scummy."

Tears started to flow from her eyes....oh these signs were not good. Why didn't you notice it earlier? "...but I did scummy things...I-I just didn't want to seem inferior...I..always want to be the best. Because I always am...at least...I..I dunno..Anon...you know the pictures?"

You nod...you knew where this one was heading.
"I..Don't have them...Silver Spoon lost them...and I got angry. I yelled at her for being stupid. I actually had another reason to go to Sugarcube Corner"

...ok..now she's being forthcoming.
"What..was it?"
..did you even want to know?

Diamond Tiara hesitated, she moved her tail to her hooves and began to stroke it. "I was going to wait for the Stupi-...Cutie Mark Crusaders to show up...and make them think we we’re in love...I wanted them to see I could take anything from them...but now...I think...umm"

Diamond Tiara started to blush deeply "..I think you took something from me...instead..."

Oh god...you knew it wasn't her virginity. But the stink of cheese was starting to fill the room.
"....uhhhh....Diamond?"
You stop her from finishing

"Y-yes Anon?"

She looks at you intently, deeply...lovingly. OH GOD NO, NOT HER! NOT HER PLEASE!
"I-I better get some rest. I'm feeling achy....c-can you send in the doctor? I just need some medicine to help me sleep"

She didn't protest, but she seemed melancholic from not being able to finish. "O-oh..yeah..of course...I-I'll see you later then..I..I need to see Daddy anyway...and tell him what happened."

You nod.and bid her a big farewell.
She hesitated on leaving, looking at you with one lonesome sad stare before finally vacating.
oh please. Let you be wrong. Don’t let her be in love with you.
After a moment, the doctor steps into the room. But something seems different about him.
"How are you Anon? Feeling better I hope"

You shake your head
"N-no...Can I get some pills or something..I feel queezy right now.."

The doctor chuckled, his voice slowly changing to something familiar "ya think yer queezy now, wait till I'm done with ya.."

The voice was that of Calamity.But, looking at the doctor and hearing his voice shift like that. You just groan heavily.
"Come off it Discord. I know it's you...geez. I'm in a fucking hospital and you still pull this shit on me. Never mind the fact you were the one who got me sent here in the first place...christ..."

Calamity immediately shapeshifted into Draconequus form. It was indeed Discord "Well shoot, I hadn't thought you figured it out yet."



You groaned heavily
"I did. Pretty much right after you pummeled me. Mind explaining yourself? Because I dunno if you know. But you nearly killed me...just saying"

You tried to keep calm, not for his sake, but so you wouldn't jump out of bed and somehow wring his neck with your hooves. But internally, you were angry.

"Oh you weren't in any danger of death Anon, My hooves were laden with a little magic to drain you. Truth be told I thought I would have had made off with that filly if you hadn't have stopped me. But I think things worked out much better now."

Drain magic? Wait. You stopped him?
"woah woah what? How the hell?...H-How did I stop you?"

Discord clears his throat, and then hesitates, he didn't seem to keen on saying it "Well. you remember how there were essentially two of me, correct?"

You nod
"yeah...and?"

"Wellll...the one known as Bedlam was actually my lower part of my body given physical form. You know. It seemed like a funny idea at the time. Anyway,when you ahrm..hit him in a certain area, you had disrupted my magic. I never EVER thought anypony would take such a cheap shot….multiple times. And so embarrassingly enough, the half with my brains got extremely weak without me even noticing. But still, I managed to make it quite a convincing performance with only a little bit of improv."

.....what?!
You laugh, then groan from the pain, then laugh again.
"Are you serious? You legitimately lost to me?! Because I attacked your nuts?! HAHAHAHA..Ow...ha...ow....ngh"

Discord turned away from you, crossing his arms, flustered "That's not funny Anon, I'm not usually so vulnerable. And besides, who taught you how to fight so dirty? It wasn't me, no siree."

You still laugh, or manage to keep it at a light chuckle.
"O-ok Discord, I'm sorry. It's just hilarious .pfftt..Haha...no wait. So if I was around in season 2, I could have saved the entire world with a swift kick in the nuts..oh man. I'd become such a hero that ponies from all around would come to learn the Anon Arts of nut cracking. nyahaha...haha...heh.."

Discord turns to face you, pointing at you to indicate caution "Careful Anon, I only made myself vulnerable. If I was actually fighting you, you'd be drinking garbage, twice your size, while slowly turning into a house"

You calm yourself, but you knew that was an empty threat
"Alright alright..."

You felt better emotionally now. Knowing you defeated the spirit of chaos with a swift kick to his nuts.
"So...dad...what's up? I'm just going to assume right now that you didn't come here just to check up on me. Since you already knew I'd be ok."

Discord nodded "Perceptive, Well,I've come to share with you the news on the results of today's happening. It's a double whammy! One I'm sure you'll be happy to hear."

"Heh...you actually care if I'm happy?"

"Now you come off it Anon. I don't hate you. I'm doing this for our mutual benefit at this point. And how mutual it is."

"Ok..so what is it?"

"Well first, word has begun to spread that a young colt..adopted by the fabulous Discord...had defended a high profile filly from a couple of hooligans from Manehatten. What this means is that I think I may have accomplished my goal at shifting ponies views about me. For the most part anyway. I'm sure I can't sway everypony, but they'll see Fluttershy and either be amazed that she is my friend and leave her alone, orrrrr they'll know to keep their mouth shut if they have any ill will since I raised such a good son in such a short time."

You smile at that. That sounded good so far. And you weren't sure how accurate that was. But, it was good, and the fact Discord still stuck to that story meant it had to be true.
"That’s pretty awesome, so everything is gonna be ok then. So then, what’s that other thing?"

"Well...I also came to realize....after looking at your face. That I may have overdone some of my blows to you. So..I suppose...I guess...that perhaps...I could take one for the team and meet with Mr.Rich myself instead of leaving you to deal with it. And discuss with him taking off the punishment. I'm sure he'd be happy to oblige now that this has all resolved itself. I'll also have to go to Twilight and offer my services to round up the hooligans and deal with them."

that sounded good after he left you alone with him before. But you were sure Filthy Rich would probably still want an audience with the one who saved his daughter, so you had to be ready for that. You also had to hope you were wrong about how Diamond felt, or that at least it was a spur of the moment thing; The thought of her loving you is scary indeed. but what about the hooligans thing? That didn’t make sense at all.
"...uhh… Discord? you were those hooligans."

"And? Everypony else doesn't know that. I'll offer my services, go do whatever, and then return to Twilight and tell her I dealt with it my own way. She'll probably get somewhat annoyed with some "They needed to be brought to justice properly" nonsense, but she should understand the rage of an upset father.”

And now you felt a little bothered. A lie compounded on yet another big lie, after getting pummeled like this. It was starting to wear on you.
"...Discord...Can I talk to you about something...I mean seriously about something...with you being serious as possible?"

"yes?"



"Look....all these lies. They are really piling on and it's making me feel a little...on edge. I don't like it. I don't mind the father son thing so much. I understand that was instrumental to the whole plan. I can dig that. And I...don't even mind having to start my life over. But I feel like everything is on rails and I hate all these major lies. You know what I'm saying?"

Discord narrowed his eyes, pondered, and curled his beard "...I think I do...and you know what. You might be right. Fluttershy does tell me lying is a very bad thing. Which is why I moved on to white lies, totally different. But I suppose all the lies we told aren't all white, are they?"

Oh thank god, he was getting it
"Yeah...So. After all this is done with. Can we just, I dunno. Be a sorta normal Son and Father, Friends, and I guess roommates since I'm staying at your place? and keep the lying to a bare minimum?"

"....I suppose...you're going to have some trouble transitioning from your cutesy wutesy "Miss and Mister" attitude you've shown to a few ponies, you know that right?"

You shrug
"Eh...ponies change, and I've barely spoken to them. And Applebloom and her friends, you know, who are my age..heh..They already know how I act really. It'll be fine. Though, wait. you mentioned when I hit your..ahrm...privates. That your magic sort of switched off?"

Discord nodded "Yes. Is that an important detail? Because I won't be letting you do that again"

"...well, I don't want to do it again..but..."
You look at your hooves
"Shouldn't I have turned back into a human or something? Or did that spell Twilight cast on me...what was up with all that anyway?"

Discord sighed and rubbed his temples "Anon, Anon. Didn't you listen to my lesson on dimensions?"

"Yeah....I don't see what that has anything to do with it though.."

"Ugh, of course not with that feeble human mind of yours, It's actually VERY simple. I used my magic on you while in your world to give you your adorable little face lift. Then...a dimension over, I took you through the mirror. You've seen what that mirror does. one end human, the other, pony. When I took you through it while you were still unconscious. You became a pony, and my magic grafted into you and became a natural force. So,in short,you are an actual little pony."

shit...is that how it works...wait..
"..Wait...so...I'm actually an earth pony when I go through the mirror?"

Discord nods

".....dammit...great! I had to be the most boring species of pony...that bites.."

"Oh it's not so bad, you still have me to spice things up." Discord gives you a toothy grin



whatever...well...if you were a natural pony due to that. Then maybe that meant you could actually get a Cutie Mark. hmmmm...wonder what'd it'd be?
"..soo...uhh...what now?"

"Now?....now you go night night and get some rest. Doctor's orders. I still have things to do, such as get found by Pinkie Pie so I can hear the dreadful news about you"

ugh...he was just going to knock you out. You could feel it.
"...ok ok, just let me get comfy first."
You scootch into your thin blanket, and gently rest your head on the pillow, being careful not to make any sudden movements to cause you pain.
"....ok..do whatever you're gonna do...I'm ready"

Discord raises his talons "I'll tell you this, I'm not doing this to be a jerk...for once. It's just I do a terrible job at actually healing ponies without causing....some spectacular effects.but putting them to sleep is easy. It's all part of being a Spirit of Chaos, you understand."

...well...that sounded about right. And you were going to get some rest. That was good. You needed to sort out this shit later when you weren’t suffering in pain.
"...and after all this, we can just go to the whole, barely lying thing?"

"After everything is handled, we can. Have a pleasant sleep Anon. I'll be back soon."
and with a snap of his talons, things went dark once more.

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