• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,515 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 142 - The Nightmare Night Arc

Author's Note:

I....sorta liked this writing this chapter.

I just wanted one chapter of Anon going full retard. Because let's face it, we all wanted to know how something like this would go in real life.

also, the theme i had in my head for this fully autistic battle would be this.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR2lft3cduc [Embed]

It really was. Sure your eyes hurt. But for some reason, an otherwise innocent looking pony actually saying anything out of the norm was funny. And just pressing on to her like that. It was perfect. Though, she now knew that you knew she was a secret agent. But things should be fine. You didn't know who her enemies might be. But whatever, they'd never target you.


And this horn....This horn is goddamn glorious. You had to get one more in before you met up with your friends. But who......?


You hover upwards and start stealthily flying through Ponyville using an invisibility spell. Looking for a juicy target. Though, you did notice something a little off as ponies started to come out for the night and festivities were beginning to start. The mane six didn't seem to be about. Fluttershy, well...you knew where she was. But the others? Not even a Pinkie in a chicken outfit. How odd…


The thought troubles you as you fly about. Did something happen? Are they in danger? Or was this a CMC related episode in the first place? Or maybe it was Fluttershy centered...who knows. But you do know one thing… That those two ponies you just spotted could use a scare


Yes, you spotted Snips and Snails hiding out behind some bushes. Seems Snails was helping Snips put on a rather spiffy knight helmet. Snails himself was masked as a masked super hero with a cape and underwear ensemble. Well damn...seems after all this time. They were still on about being heroes. Well......we'll see about that.


You dart right into the bushes beside them. And observe...


"There, I got it Snips...I think" Snails said as he released his hooves from the helmet.


"I think you did! Yeah! How do I look? Pretty heroic, right?" Snips made a heroic pose in his golden knight armor. It seemed due to slight pudginess, some of his coat poked out from a few edges. Otherwise, it didn't look that bad. Even had a hole for his small horn.


Snails nods "Yeah buddy, you look super duper cool, eh"


......Hmmm, so far. these two dunderheads still wanted to go the whole "cool" hero route. Well then, if they wanted to be heroes. They were going to have to fight a real villain. Oh god. The idea you had, it was perhaps too video gamey even for you.


But it had to be perfect. You wanted to make sure those two couldn't escape what you had in store. First...you'd entice them into action. So, with your magic. You change your voice into that of.......Bowser, from the Mario series. "So, you two are the chumps I heard about. The two great heroes?"


The moment they hear your deep dark voice. They go frantic, looking around for the voice, asking who was there.


"Who do you think it is?! It's me, the greatest basher of heroes that's ever existed. And the best looking to boot"


Snails started to shiver violently. Scared out of his wits. "S-s-s-snips. There's a real bad guy somewhere. w-w-w-what do we do?"


Snips backed up onto a house wall. And looked around. "I-I dunno....I'm..I'm scared...."


You do a bowser laugh. "BWHAHAHAHA, I guess there's no heroes here. Just a couple of chickens. I don't waste my time with puny idiots like you. I like to dine on the finest of heroes. Though their brains never taste too good. Too dull, I mean. They think they can take me on so that should be obvious."


"Y-you're right. We're chickens" Snails said as he ducked down, covering his head and making clucking noises. Goddammit, they weren't taking the bait. Or Snails wasn't anyway.


Snips eyes were glistening. Suddenly he went from scared to starstruck. "Snails wait! we might not be chickens afterall!"


“What are you talking about Snails? I feel like I'm gonna lay some eggs, eh"


"No Snails! Think about it. If we can beat this big villain guy by ourselves. We'll be even bigger heroes than not only Anon, but even the elements of harmony! Come on, we can do it! I mean there's two of us and one whoever that is. And you know what means?"


Snails still cowering, looks up slightly to his armored compatriot. And then shook his head. "That he's gonna blow us both up?"


"Wrong! That we're going to blow him up. If Anon can beat down two guys! We two guys can beat up one!" Snips stood bravely, at the ready for anything.


"Wait..." Snails had an epiphany. "duhh..Snips.....isn't the fact that there is two of us means this one guy can beat us?"


Snips shook his head "Nah, I got this sweet armor and he doesn't know who you are, Snails. you got that mask on to hide your secret identity"


"......Oh right.....I forgot...ok, let's do this!" Snails fear immediately leaves him as he stands with his stalwart yet stupid friend.


"So, you both accept my challenge? BWHAHAHAHAHA! You both think you have a chance to beat the great King Bowser? Oh boy, this is going to be easier than sucking down a bottle of jalapeno peppers"


"I think we do! You're the one hiding! So why don't you come on out so we can pound you!" Snips said bravely.


Snips and Snails...Round 3. You disguise yourself as Bowser himself. Not even a costume. But actual Bowser. Even your size grows as Snips and Snails spot the spiked green shell emerge from the bushes.


They immediately start to panic again as you emerge in full form. And roar at them. And with the perfect spell casted. The last part of the magic happens. The entire area flashes. As all three of you appear in a very similar area of Ponyville.


You standing a few ways away from the pair. Both facing each other. And neither of you could move… You enacted....An RPG battle akin to one from the Mario and Luigi series. Complete with a theme only you three can hear. Even the immediate area itself begins to warp to accommodate your magic. As does the physics. No one was even audible anymore.


SNIPS: WHAT IS THAT THING SNAILS?!

SNAILS:.....

SNIPS: SNAILS?!

(the pair looked to each other)

SNIPS: Snails?

SNAILS: Snips?

(they were confused)

SNIPS: Why can't we talk? And why are there words above our heads?

(Snails shrugged)

SNAILS: I.. don't know. Snips, I'm scared! I can't read that good! I don't need everypony knowing
that!

SNIPS: I'm scared too! Let's get out of here!

(But they couldn't run)

SNIPS:I Can't move!

SNAILS: I Can't either!

BOWSER: That's right chumps. You're in the Bowser Zone now. Prepare to get schooled!

(Bowser points to the two heroes)

SNIPS: Two heroes?...Hey Snails....this...whatever those words are says we're heroes.

SNAILS: It did? I thought it said Sandwiches......I'm kind of hungry.

SNIPS: And what's with the music? It's kind of wigging me out.

SNAILS: I dunno, I kinda like it.

BOWSER: HEY! YOU TWO! CAN WE GET ON WITH IT!?

(the two heroes snap to attention,Bowser himself is annoyed)

BOWSER: Of course I'm annoyed! I just want to get on with this....maybe this spell was too perfect.

SNIPS: I don't know what's going on here! But for some reason. This music, this...everything. I feel like...I can win!

SNAILS:...I dunno...He's really big and scary.

SNIPS: So? It's still two against one! Let's get him!

(But the brave heroes realized they couldn't move)

SNIPS: What?! WHY?! HOW CAN WE ATTACK IF WE CAN'T MOVE?!

SNAILS: Snips...His mouth is glowing!

BOWSER: That's right, I'm faster than you two. Hope you like losing the moment you faced me! Prepare to be burned!

(Bowser launched his flame attack)

???:HOLD ON! I'M HERE TO HELP! FREEZE FRAME!

(all three combatants were surprised by the sudden adorable voice)

BOWSER: What in the?! Seriously! What in the...HEY MY FLAME!

(Bowser's flame was halted in place)

SNAILS: Who said that?.....mom...is that you?

???:Don't worry Snips and Snails, I'm here to Help! WAZEE!

(Out of thin air, a blue Parasprite appeared.)

BOWSER:....what in the.....

PARAPARA: Hey Heroes! I'm Parapara! You're guide for this fight!

SNIPS: A guide? You mean. You're here to help?

PARAPARA: Yup! I'm here to help you against mean ole Bowser! You just need to learn to attack and defend! And I'm gonna teach you just that!

BOWSER: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO EXIST! I DIDN'T MAKE YOU!

PARAPARA: *giggle* Silly Bowser, you're the one who wanted this to be perfect. And you are technically the first boss.

BOWSER: *mutter*Discord?*mutter*

PARAPARA: NOPE! WAZEE! I'm part of your perfect spell! And as such, it is my job to help out the heroes! And you can't desummon me either. That's not how chaos magic works after all!

BOWSER: Please...don't....not a...

PARAPARA: TUTORIAL TIME!

(Bowser freaks out)

SNIPS: Tutorial...

SNAILS: ...Time?

BOWSER:....just kill me...please...

PARAPARA: Yup. See those?

Snails HP 31/31 FP 41/41
Snips HP 53/53 FP 22/22

(the heroes nods)

PARAPARA: Those are your stats! Health points are how much life you have. And Friendship points let you use Buddy moves! WAZEE! Isn't that exciting.

SNAIL:duhhhhh..............I don't get it.

BOWSER: JUST SKIP THE TUTORIAL! NOPONY WANTS IT YOU STUPID FLY!
(Bowser was heating up)

SNIPS: I don't get it either. Can you tell us how not to get burned by that big flame thing?...pleeease?

PARAPARA: Oh that *giggle* That's no problem. Just time your attack. And hit it back with your hoof. And since the fireball is red. It's going to go after you Snails. So give it a good bashing!

SNAILS: Just hit it?

PARAPARA: Mhmm, just hold your hoof and then let it fly! Also, if an attack can't be hit by your hoof. You can jump to either dodge or counter. But be careful when countering with a jump. It won't work on spiny things.

SNAILS: o-ok I'll try...

PARAPARA: Don't worry. I can use one more FREEZE FRAME to help you with your timing!

BOWSER: THAT'S CHEATING!...ugh..why can't I cancel the spell!

PARAPARA: Sorry Bowser *giggle* Gotta ride this one out.

(time resumes)

(Snails freaks out as the fireball nears him)

PARAPARA:FREEZE FRAME!

(The flame stops near Snails)

PARAPARA: Now Snails, Give it a good smack!

SNIPS: You can do it Snails! Listen to the creepy bug thing!

(Snails stares at the fireball, gains bravery, and hits it back)

BOWSER: tch, whatever. I'll just smack it back...hey!

(Bowser cannot dodge or counter, he is a boss after all...also...tutorial)

BOWSER: I REALLY HATE TUTORIALS! AND WHAT'S WITH ME BEING UNABLE TO COUNTER ANYWAY?!

PARAPARA: They are the heroes! *wink*

(Bowser takes 11 damage)

PARAPARA: Do you guys think you got it?

SNIPS: I think so...

SNAILS: I think I do, just counter with the right attack move thing! right?

PARAPARA: Right! now you guys gotta do it on your own! And about the blocks that are gonna appear above your head? that's your menu. Just use them to attack bowser with a normal or buddy attack move! Oh, and if you're wondering about those numbers? That's damage...you don't want that...... Good luck! WAZEE!

(Parapara flies off)

BOWSER: I can't believe this.......

(SNAILS gets first move)

BOWSER: ARE YOU SERIOUS?! HOW IS HE FASTER THAN ME?! CANCEL! CANCEL! CANCELCANCELCANCELCANCELCANCEL!

SNAILS: this is really weird...um....let me try......a buddy move...I think.

(Snails chooses heroic peirce.....but he can't understand the instructions)

SNAILS: Snips, this looks realllllllllly tough....

SNIPS: Hmmm, I think all I gotta do is grab you, and run really far back, then run really far forward. and toss you into this Bowser guy....I...can I do that?

SNAILS:....Should I try it? What if it hurts?

SNIPS: Go for it buddy! They have to call it a buddy move for a reason.

BOWSER:.........this is getting really stupid....

SNAILS: OK...I'M DOING IT!

(Snails activates the buddy move for 8 friendship points. He successfully jumps on Snips back, Snips starts to run back as far as he can. Then starts running forward. Achieving a perfect hit)

BOWSER: how is this even perfect? I don't remember text describing anything. I feel like I'm inside a story. Whatever, the chump's going to fail the move anyway. Nobody gets a bro move the first time. And there's no way....

(GREAT)

BOWSER: What...?

(Snips tosses Snails into Bowser like a missle, Snails spins and drills into him with his horn repeatedly, GREAT!)

BOWSER: THIS IS NOT HOW I IMAGINED MY FIRST TIME!

(Snails drills right through bowser and appears on the other side of the "screen", back to his original position, EXCELLENT!)

(61)

BOWSER: HOW?!

SNIPS: You did it Buddy! You got him!

SNAILS: I did?....uhm..why is he still standing there?

SNIPS: I think it has to do with the numbers...I think we gotta do more damage!

SNAILS: This is really weird Snips, Are we even in Equestria anymore?

SNIPS: I dunno, but if we bring this guy down! Then we're gonna be superstars for sure! It'll be a saga to remember!

Snails HP 31/31 FP 33/41
Snips HP 53/53 FP 22/22

BOWSER: Whatever, It's my turn now. And dodging attacks is always the hardest part!

(Snips turn)

BOWSER: ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

SNIPS: Ok...let me try...Snips and Snails?...but we are Snips and Snails...I don't get it.

SNAILS: What does it say?

SNIPS: It says we toss Snips and Snails at Bowser...but....how do we throw ourselves?

SNAILS: I know! let's try grabbing each other and throwing ourselves!

BOWSER: THAT'S NOT HOW PHYSICS WO....you know what...do that. Just do it so I can have my turn and get this over with.

(Snips uses "Snips and Snails")

(Scissors and Snails appears on both their hooves)

SNAILS: oooohhhh....Snips

SNIPS: And Snails...Let's do it buddy!

BOWSER:.........I hate this spell

(EXCELLENT)

(Bowser was buried under scissors and snails, use of 7 FP)

(57)

BOWSER: THIS IS GROSS! THIS IS SO GROSSSSSSS! I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS!

Snails HP 31/31 FP 33/41
Snips HP 53/53 FP 15/22

SNIPS: This...isn't really that hard. This guy is a chump.

SNAILS: *giggle* yeah..and he's fat too. Snips, we really are gonna be heroes, huh?

SNIPS: That's right buddy!

(Bowser gets enraged, and outstretches his arms. Making the Scissors and Snails fly away in various directions)

BOWSER: THAT'S IT! IT'S MY TURN!

(Bowser's turn)

BOWSER:......that's.....that's what I just..You know what..that's fine...EAT FIRE!

(Bowser spits a green flame out )

SNIPS: Green? Gah! does that mean it's coming towards me?! WHAT DO I DO?!

SNAILS: HIT IT BACK! HIT IT BACK!

SNIPS: Oh...right...

(Snips successfully hits the flame back at Bowser)

(11)

BOWSER: NO WAY! GIVE ME ANOTHER TURN!

(Snails Turn!)

BOWSER:GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

SNAILS:..should I use that same move?

SNIPS: Yeah, he really really hated it!

BOWSER: USE SOMETHING ELSE.....gads...I'm gonna have PTSD from this I swear.

(Snails chooses heroic pierce, 8 FP)

(He successfully jumps on Snips back, Snips starts to run back as far as he can. Then starts running forward, GREAT)

BOWSER:....Why can't I counter. WHY!? IT'S MY SPELL! I AM JUST IDLING HERE LIKE A MORON!

(Snips tosses Snails into Bowser like a missle, Snails spins and drills into him with his horn repeatedly GREAT)

BOWSER:I'M BEING VIOLATED!

(Snails drills right through bowser and appears on the other side of the "screen", back to his original position EXCELLENT!)

(LUCKY! 92)

BOWSER: Even though that hit my chest...I..I feel like I can't feel my rear anymore.....ogh..

Snails HP 31/31 FP 25/41
Snips HP 53/53 FP 15/22

(Snips turn)

SNIPS: I think we got him on the ropes. Lemme see if I got some sort of super super duper move!

SNAILS: What's that one for Fifteen Friendship points?

SNIPS: uhhmm...says here that you toss me into the air. and I aim my horn down and rain a lot of fireballs. But I gotta do a few move things to summon them first.....umm....Fireballs sounds cool.

SNAILS: I didn't even know you could shoot fireballs.

SNIPS: Me neither...Let's try it!

(Snips activates Angelic Fire Dance)

(Snails tosses Snips high into the clouds, OK!)

SNAILS:...wow...I didn't even know I was that strong.

BOWSER:.....this is gonna hurt...isn't it?

(Snips tries doing the dances, but doesn't feel the groove, and starts plummeting back down)

BOWSER:BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Snips lands on Bowser's head, and bounces back to his original position)

(32 LUCKY!)

BOWSER: AGH! OW!

(Bowser rubs his head, he was getting a splitting headache)

BOWSER: NO I WASN'T....now I am...AND IT HURTS! FORGET THIS! FINAL ATTACK TIME. NOT EVEN GONNA WAIT!

(Bowser jumps high into the air)

BOWSER:NOT THAT YOU GUYS WOULD KNOW, BUT I GOT THIS FROM DBZ. SAYANORA CHUMPS!

(Bowser opened his mouth and started charging a huge ball of fiery death)

SNAILS:.....Snips...That said spicey bread...right?Not...fiery death?

SNIPS:........*gulp*

(Bowser throws down his giant fireball.)

(Snips and Snails both don't counter it)

(99)

(Bowser lands back to the ground)

BOWSER:BWHAHAHAHAHAH EAT THAT! I KNEW I'D STILL WIN!

(Snips and Snails fall to the ground)

???:DON'T GIVE UP GUYS! WAZEE!

BOWSER:....uhhh....what do you mean don't give up...it's over. Their HP is 0. If my spell is perfect, then that means game over. I win, it's done.

(Parapara appears again)

PARAPARA: But Bowser, you forgot one thing.

BOWSER: No I didn't......

PARAPARA: Are you sure?

BOWSER: IT'S MY SPELL! I KNOW GAMES IN AND OUT. GAME OVER IS GAME OVER! DON'T ARGUE WITH ME!...Why can't I cancel it anyway?

PARAPARA: *giggle* because chaos magic doesn't work like regular magic. Once you've cast it, it goes on until it's fulfilled its purpose.

BOWSER: then why can I cancel my other spells? Why can Discord do it?

PARAPARA: Because some spells fulfill their purposes instantly, everything after is just superfluous. Discord is the master of Chaos of course. So he has control of everything regardless. Anypony else who uses this kind of magic are bound by it's rules...or lack thereof.

BOWSER:....fine..i get it. Whatever, what does that have to do with the battle not ending?

PARAPARA: Because you're about to lose....as be the laws of RPGs.

BOWSER:.....I..what? I just dropped their HP to 0

PARAPARA: Well, you know how you're the first boss right?

BOWSER:....yeah

PARAPARA: And would there be any boss after you?

BOWSER: no....

PARAPARA: So that makes you the last boss too, right?

BOWSER:..ugh yes...get to the point!

PARAPARA: *giggle* I'm getting there, you know how they did enough damage for you to do your instant kill attack?

BOWSER: no...I dunno. I'm the boss, I can't see my statistics. But whatever yeah, I blew them away with it. Why does that matter?

PARAPARA:Well, what happens to the heroes after getting hit by an unavoidable super attack from the final boss?

BOWSER: they come ba......ohhhhhhhhhh.....you're a bitch.....

PARAPARA: SO LONG BOWSER!

(Snips and Snails revive, levels reaching 99)

Snails HP 999/999 FP 99/99
Snips HP 999/999 FP 99/99

SNAILS: Snips?....what happened? We're up again...and we're glowing.

SNIPS: I dunno....b-but..look at our numbers!.

SNAILS: Is that a good thing? hey...the buddy move box is glowing!

PARAPARA: That's right guys. Now you can use your ULTIMATE Buddy move! Use it to put that mean ole Bowser in his place!

SNIPS: OK!

SNAILS: RIGHT!

BOWSER:....or here's a thought...you two could maybe...click FLEE. And we can all walk away from this. Like nothing happened.

(Snips Turn)

SNIPS: Not a chance, after we beat you. We're gonna be hailed as the greatest heroes ever! I'm sure everypony around us is watching!

SNAILS: Oh boy oh boy! I can't wait!

BOWSER:.......crap

(Snips chooses ultimate buddy move)

(Snips and Snails fly up and turn golden, creating a giant super ball of energy that extends out from their horns and turns into a beam)

(Bowser holds out his claws to block it)

BOWSER: Come on....

(OKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOKOK)

BOWSER:.....noooo it's one of those....

(GREATGREATGREATGREATGREATGREATGREATGREATGREATGREATGREAT)

BOWSER: I...NO! THIS IS WHY JRPGS ARE STUUUUPID!

(FANTASTIC)

(999 CRITICAL!)

BOWSER: GODDDDDAMMMMMMITTTT!

(Bowser blasts off into the sky)

SNAILS: WE DID IT! SNIPS! WE DID IT!

SNIPS: WE DID! WE'RE HEROES! WE'RE BETTER THAN EVERYPONY! WE'RE GONNA GET SO MUCH PRAISE AND FOOD! LOTS OF CANDY FOR SURE! MAYBE THEY CAN RENAME NIGHTMARE NIGHT TO "HEROES SNIPS AND SNAILS" NIGHT!

(The heroes dance with joy)

(9999999 EXP)

SNAILS: What's Expee?

SNIPS: I think that's how many ponies are going to praise us! That's a lot!

(the area fades in black, and everything returns to normal)


Snips and Snails appear back in the alley....and.... "Hey...we can talk again! and....wait a second..." Snips looks around, something was disappointingly off.


"Yeah! I can hear me! I love being able to hear me....words are scary.." Snails hugged himself, and then tripped during the hug, falling to the ground with a "oomph"


"...Where's the battle damage? Where's the crowd? Where's Parapara?....oh no..." It his Snips like a sack of bricks.


"What's wrong Snips?"


Snips fell to his back knees as he raises his hooves in the air and screamed "IT WAS A DREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"


Snails rolled to his back and looked up with a dopey smile "Oh....it was a nice dream though....I don't even remember falling asleep."


Snips just cries that it seemed that whatever happened didn't actually happen as Snails dumbly looks into the sky.


As for you… You had changed back to your normal form, out of costume, still being launched into the sky. you didn't even care. You just stared blankly as you rose to the clouds. "...I can't believe I lost to those two due to the dumbest cliche ever. HUURR DURRR FRIENDSHIP… DAMMMMMMIIIITTTT!" You scream in mid air as your velocity lowers, and you begin to fall.


"......." You then smile, and then start to laugh. "...That was cool though, I didn't even think that'd work. But that parasprite. It was like the magic itself was talking to me. The magic has to do it's purpose before I can call it back. Maybe that's why Discord limited me in the first place. So I could get used to it. Hrnn… Well, I guess I shouOOOOMPH"


You crash right into the ground outside of town. Leaving a crater. Luckily for you, your magic activated upon impact and absorbed a lot of the fall. It still left you utterly smashed however. "U-ughhhh......o-ok.....next time....talking to myself...while...falling....don't...do..that...."

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