• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,464 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 261

Author's Note:

Tonight!
Anon goes for a drive.
Chrysalis goes for a drive.
And Discord cooks.

You head over to the purplish pink pony statue near town hall and toss in your map.

You pop into your room. Same as usual.,Just as you left it. Sadly, even the magical comfiness of the bed couldn't send you to sleep. You were still far too awake. You take a look at the map and take notice of Chrysalis's marker. It was in the basement of the house. She must be resting. Though, a thought enters your head that makes you smile. "I hope she's trying to sleep, because when she realizes what I got planned. Ohhh man, that anger is gonna turn into something even Pinkie Pie couldn't handle."

You merrily open your floor door and head down the steps. You then open the basement trap door and start heading down the long winding steps into the basement cave that was Chrysalis's hive. The changelings themselves were skulking about, many putting their eyes on you as you approach a tired Chrysalis, who was curled up on her throne, bent further in a way that no pony could ever emulate just to rest on her seat.

She was turning a little. She may have not fallen fully asleep yet. And ohhh boy, what you had planned? This should get you some major brownie points with her. "Hey Chrysalllissss! How ya doin?"

You give her a huge grin as she raises her head. She just narrows her eyes at you. She found you suspicious. "Anon?...what are you doing down here? Can't you see I'm trying to rest? And what's with that stupid grin? Wipe it off your face this instant. It's unnerving."

You slapped on your horn, and grinned a bigger toothy grin at her. "Really? hehe, and here I thought you'd be happy to see me, considering....ya know" You wiggle your eyebrows at her.

Chrysalis's eyes went wide. Like, girlishly wide. She hopped off her throne and flitted her one wing. You almost caught a smile, a gentle giggly one, as she figured out what you meant. But she coughed, cleared her throat, and turned her head with a stoic expression. "Oh? You mean what you owe me? Why should I be happy? It's to be expected. You know this."

Ohhh no you don't. You already caught how excited she was for the car...you were going to make this a good one. "Ahh, umm..hmm" You turn the opposite direction, and now sound bored and uninterested. "I guess, I mean. If it's to be expected then you probably already know what you're gonna get out of this, right?"

Both you and Chrysalis avoid eye contact. She nods. "Yes, a car, like the one I drove into the gorge. And you better not be cute and summon a train car or I'll throw you into it and somehow get it to a cliff somewhere."

You stave off a snicker. Oh boy, let's see her resist this. "I suppose. Don't worry, I got this. Let's see..." You flick your horn. "Car...car...ahh, I got it! But don't get too excitedm ok? You're only going to be able to drive it around in this cave."

"Hmph" Chrysalis scoffed. "There's enough room. Besides, sooner or later, it will become my royal Equestrian chariot when I take Celestia's throne for myself."

"We'll see...we'll see...anyway"

You focus your magic, and summon not just a car, but a fucking topless Ferrari. Indestructible, capable of 300 Miles per hour, super seatbelts which can be adjusted to feel force of impacts or not for the more dangerous queen on the go. The color of the ferrari was jet black, with neon green trimmings that glowed in the dark along the bottom sides that reached from front to back. The headlights were as green as Chrysalis's eyes. A spoiler was attached, the back saying in green letters "THEQUEEN". The interior had black leather seats. Although, Chrysalis's driver seat was magically custom made to be dark and evil looking with an evil throne motif. Like the cars back in the FlimFlamverse, it used levers to make the car go, stop, park, and the like.

Though, with your magic, you made it so it can be set to manual or auto. Many of the changelings jumped back and hissed at it, others slowly moved closer and tapped it with their hooves. Chrysalis's ears fell, she was speechless as she slowly stepped over to the car.

You stood there and smiled as she rubbed her hoof gently along the seat. She banged on the side a few times with a few hits with her front hoof. Sturdy as a rock. She tried to fly up to hop into her seat, But all she could muster was a single cute hop. She had blindly forgotten her wing was missing for a moment, so she instead opens the door gently, and steps inside.

She gazes upon the levers, and taps them. She notices too, a simple little "Start n' Stop" button for the engine. Of course, you also made sure this engine wouldn't produce any harmful gases. Didn't want to suffocate the bugs. And you made it simple for Chrysalis to start it up and shut it down as she pleases.

She starts turning the wheel before even starting the car. She looks forward for a moment and smiles, it was a cute happy one. One she quickly discards when she notices you staring. She then growls angrily and taps the wheel a few times. "So? How exactly does this thing work!? Don't stand there like a braindead idiot! Is it the same as the cars we encountered or is it entirely new?"

You hold in a snicker and bounce and step towards the passenger door. You open it and hop onto the seat and firmly put your seat belt on. "Oh, it's easy. But you might want to put your seatbelt on first, for safety. Annnnd, you can use this little thing on the buckle to adjust if you want to feel the speed, momentum, and force of the car." You said that on purpose, you were waiting for her to be cutely curious about something.

"I don't need a "Seat Belt"! Just tell me how to turn this thing on! I want to feel the wind in my mane! Not strap myself in like some sissy pony wimp."

You give her a gentle smile, and point to the start button beside the wheel. "It's this one. This will start the car."

Chrysalis stops, feeling a little embarrassed. Then growls and pushes the button. "I knew that, you imbecile! I mean how do I get the engi-" The engine starts up. "Oh...It actually starts up the wh-NEVER MIND! What does this lever do! I didn't see it on the other car!" Chrysalis rudely points out the manual to auto lever.

"Oh, you can make the car manual like the cars we saw. Or make it shift gears automatically."

"Hmmm." Chrysalis pondered "I suppose I'll set it to automatic then." Chrysalis pulls the lever down. "This car shall be my servant, I should not have to decide when to shift these gears when it can do it for me."

You just smiled as you looked upon Chrysalis admiring her new toy. It actually made you feel good inside. You may not have the ability to sense love and feed off of it. But you could tell she was loving every second of this. It was heartwarming.

You tap your foot on the seat, looking down, then look to her with a gentle smile. "Y'know. If SOMEHOW you manage to win out in the end. The car is indestructible, you could run over as many ponies as you want and it'll never break down."

"Really now?" Chrysalis rubbed her hoof on the dashboard, then put it on the accelerator lever. "Never break down? At all?" Chrysalis smirks. "Hunting down escapees isn't something I'd normally want in my new world order, but this being indestructible? I'd make a game out of it." Chrysalis looks to you with an evil little smile. "Good work Anon, I'm proud to call you my future servant. In fact, with that kind of thinking, you could rise above the ranks and be the new captain. Perhaps when my hive grows, a general would be more fitting."

You bow. "You're too kind my queen, if it ever came to that. I wouldn't mind."

Chrysalis stopped, and looked to you inquisitively. "Are you serious?" Chrysalis began to smile, a warm smile, a wondrous smile. She didn't even bother to sense how you were feeling.

You nod. "Sure, but y'know, that's only if you don't end up being reformed first."

You look ahead through the windshield and swirl your front hoof along the seat, looking down. You just wanted her to be happy without diving into her whims too deeply. So you began to bullshit a little in your words. "I mean, we saved the world together. I don't think you're that bad really. We are friends after all. Would be super nice if you just became like your other self. But, just saying, if you somehow end up taking over the world. I guess it'd be fun to join in."

"Hmmmm...." Chrysalis smile weakened as she tapped at the wheel, turning her head forward. You overplayed it. "You're just saying that because you're sure it won't happen. But," Chrysalis sighs and smirks. "I suppose, for once, I'll just accept it like a good friend. And thank you for this wonderful gift."

Wooooah, wut? "Really? No bullshit? You're really appreciative of it and all that? Really?!"

Chrysalis nods with a gentle smile. "Mhmmm. For once, you gave me something I truly love. I shall cherish it like it was one of my own."

Wooooo! That made you feel great. You finally truly pierced that heart of hers. "You're welcome Chrys-. Queen Chrysalis. Ahrm, I feel really great giving you this car. Heh, you'll probably want to ride around in it for awhile now. So, I'm just gonna go and leave you alone. I gotta prepare for the morning for something."

You give her a bowing nod and go to open the door. But it wouldn't open, and every time you pulled up the lock, it'd go back down. You look over to Chrysalis, who was now giving you an evil smirk. "Where do you think you're going?"

Oh..hell. She had her hoof on the electronic lock! HOLY FUCK! SHE FIGURED OUT THE LOCK! And the door! Even if roofless, she rolled up the windows to prevent a short hop. OH NO! WHY DID YOU EVEN INSTALL THOSE?!

"Just because I'm being appreciative doesn't mean I'm going to let you go. It looks nice, but let's see how it runs."

You cringe, and put on the seatbelt. But when you went to adjust the magical dial to erase the feeling of RPMS and speed you'd soon feel. You notice it wasn't there.

You look to Chrysalis, who was using her horn to hold up the ripped off dial. "I don't think this feature is needed. Too cowardly" She tosses it away.

OHHHH NOOOOO! "C-Chrysalis, C-can I get out please? I promise it'll work." Please god no, you already rode around with her once. She was gonna crash, you could feel it, and even if it didn't wreck the car. It could wreck your face. You didn't even have any idea how big the cave was.

Chrysalis shifts herself with her magic to make goggles appear over her eyes. Then kisses the bottom of her front hooves before putting one on the accelerator lever and one on the wheel. "I think not, relax Anon....this will be fun"

Says her...

You braced yourself as Chrysalis yelled to clear the way. She slams the accelerator lever down and puts both hooves on the wheel as it accelerates to breakneck speeds, making you slide back into your seat as Chrysalis cackles. She boosts through the cavern as the changelings drone fly up to the side.

"OHH GODD!" You yell in terror

"OHH YES! THIS IS SPEED! MWHAHAHAHAHA!" Chrysalis cackles

You brace yourself as well as you can as Chrysalis blasts through a long tunnel. "WALL! WALL!!!" You point further on a open turn through the tunnel. an open yet very tight turn.

Chrysalis snickers. "...I see no wall." Chrysalis oversteers the car and starts to drift, regaining control at the last second and taking the turn. She then starts blasting forward once again.

You were shaking, you couldn't make anything out as Chrysalis's eyes glowed through the growing darkness. She turns on the headlights, and runs into an open cavern full of large boulders. You panic and cover your eyes as Chrysalis easily weaves through all the boulders and takes another tunnel. She was nearing two hundred miles per hour. "THIS IS AMAZING! I LOVE THIS! I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF THIS!"

Chrysalis started taking a gentle curve leading further into the cave. She was increasing the speed of the car with every passing moment. You'd feint if you were a lesser pony, but you wish you could at this point. You were afraid of her crashing. With the force limiter torn off, the seat belt itself was going to do shit for resisting a crash.

"STOP! STOOP! WHAT IF WE CRASH?!"

"HEHEHE, YOU ALREADY SAID WE CAN'T...AHH THERE IT IS! GET READY ANON! THIS IS THE FINAL TEST!"

When you both finished taking the last turn. there was a long straightaway leading to a....to a...A FUCKING PIT!?!

Yes, ahead was a circular pit. a circular cave road surrounding it that split up to small caverns further up the walls. In other words, this may be the end of the line...or wait. "CHRYSALIS?! NO! NONONONONO! ARE YOU NUTS?! WHAT IF WE FALL IN THE PIT?! YOU ONLY HAVE ONE WING!"

Chrysalis focused straight ahead, eyeing one of the tunnels on the wall. "....You act as if I can't fly..."

Oh no! Oh no! You look to Chrysalis as you begin to turn white. She was long gone.

No! OH GOD NO! YOU DON'T WANT TO DIE! NOT LIKE THIS!

You closed your eyes tight. But you couldn't keep them closed for long when you felt the car rise. Chrysalis drove off a small incline, flying over the pit at breakneck speed. It almost felt like slow motion. The most intense fear hitting you as you open your eyes and see yourself heading towards the wall.

...It was over.

But, there was no sudden stop. Chrysalis skilfully hopped into the holes in the wall and started driving through a round yet thin tunnel. Things began to turn flipped upside down, literally. She drove the car along the wall, then around the ceiling as the tunnel began to twist like a corkscrew.

Finally, the car comes out of the other end of the tunnel and lands. Chrysalis drifts the car for a moment and stops it by pulling the brake and pressing the start n' stop button.

Chrysalis takes a breath and taps her goggles, making them disappear. She then sits back, and smirks. She was shaking. She said in a low voice. "This is it, this will definitely be my royal chariot from now on." Chrysalis then looked upon her children. "REJOICE MY LITTLE ONES! FOR YOUR QUEEN HAS NOT ONLY HAD HER FILL OF FUN AND MERRIMENT! BUT NOW DREAMS OF LITERALLY CRUSHING THOSE WHO OPPOSE US UNDER THE WHEELS OF THIS WONDERFUL MACHINE!"

You were near frozen in fear, you had to touch yourself to make sure you were still alive. The sounds of the changelings cries of joy awoke you from your stunned state when you realized the tunnel led back to the main cavern room. As the changelings rejoice, you slowly unlock and open the passenger door and fall over, and begin the slowly crawl away.

Never again...never again will you ride a vehicle with this demon.

Chrysalis looks upon her subjects with glee before looking upon the open door. She shifts to the passenger seat and cranes her head over you, curious to your reaction. "Anon?" She tilts her head. "What? You didn't have fun? That was supposed to be fun. To get your warm blood going."

"...I...I feel like I died a million times over..."

Chrysalis rolls her eyes and pulls you back into the car with her magic, right between her front legs as she holds and hugs you. "Awwwww, poor wittle Anon doesn't trust in my expert driving skills. And to think, this is only my second time. Well, no worries. I still appreciate the gesture." Chrysalis kisses the back of your head. She then puts you gently back down, outside the car. "It's late anyway Anon, you should head to bed. You already know what tonight brings...don't you? I promise, that will be fun for the both of us"

You almost lose your breath. Sleepover night..christ. You remember, but the fact it had to be mentioned made your blood run cold.

Chrysalis let you leave without you saying goodbye. She had what she wanted. Though, her eyes never left you as you crawled back up the steps.

She loved her car, it was like her new baby. Something to cherish. And it was all thanks to you. Deep deep deep in her black little heart, she really had hoped you would have enjoyed the ride. And she does thank you. But she couldn't express it properly. Or, in her mind she did. She just wished you'd just completely agree to riding along with her and smacking ponies about without any protest or attached clause in your words whatsoever. But for now, she'd take what she could get from you. The car was fine.

You crawl all the way back up to the living room. And focus as much as you can to get up the gravity stairs. But you couldn't do it. You had to take breaths just to calm your nerves to focus and finally generate them to crawl up back into your room. But as you dragged yourself into your bed after such an ordeal. One thing remained clear.

You weren't sleepy yet. No, after that, you were only more awake. You just laid there looking at your alarm clock. You wondered if the car was a good idea. But as time went by, you started to shift your thoughts to the other you and "Scrappy" again.

You forgot to even mention it to Chrysalis. But perhaps it was best you just keep it to yourself. As for those two? It irked you. Here you were, supposedly going to help Starlight with the rest of her issues. And yet it seems not only is the captain better at friendship than you are, if Sweetie Belle's was correct that is, but it also meant that this other you was just damn better at it as well.

What did you do wrong? You remembered the start of your Equestrian adventure. Everypony loved you, the CMC were excited to be around you, Twilight was sure as shit wanting to protect you, Luna gave you a cuddle in the bath, everything was coming up Anon. Now the princesses watch you with worry. The CMC weren't as friendly towards you anymore. You barely interact with the mane six as is. And you keep making friends with either villains or former villains. Hell, Sunset counts on that one if anything. Made you wonder if you could buddy up with the likes of Sombra or Tirek.

You needed help. You needed someone to help you. You knew you'd have Twilight to help you with Starlight. But it seemed, you may need help with yourself. You were afraid of making Starlight uncomfortable. What a drag, you feared you were going to do something stupid. Or say something hurtful. Or just ruin this in general for her. It's funny how you went from actual hero to a near zero with just a hop between worlds.

And the clock kept counting along. And as you pondered on your own problems, you began to feel tired, and let out a yawn. At first, you think nothing of it. But as you feel the weariness wash over you, you start to realize. "Oh no...H-how am I getting tired? I woke up hours ago. I can't just be getting tired now! The sun will be rising soon!...FUCK!"

You get up from bed and start bouncing around, trying to feel more awake, but it does you no good. It just makes things worse. You lay down, and rest the bottom of your head upon your pillow and squirm a little in frustration. "It must be the bed. It's gotta be! It's warming magic and comfiness has got to be fucking with me but..." You nuzzle your head on the pillow. "It's sooo comfy...maybe if I just get a little rest. It'll be ok."

You looked to your clock, it was already five AM. And you knew you had to be at the train station probably soon. Nobody actually stated WHEN in the morning she'd arrive. But six thirty should be when you arrive. Meaning you should leave at six.

Meaning you only had an hour...

Meaning even if you set the alarm now, you'd sleep through it...

"Fuck..."

Nothing you could think of was going to work. You thought maybe you should look for coffee. Or maybe, just go see Twilight and see if she was up. Maybe she had coffee. But you found it hard to move, you just wanted to close your eyes. And as you did...

RING RING RING RING!

You throw your eyes open and look at the alarm clock...but wait, you didn't set it yet anyway.

RING RING!

It was coming through the floor door.

"Anooon! Oh Anoooonnn! Breakfast is almost ready! Come onnnn dooowwnn!" That breakfast cry....Discord? He was calling for you? This early?

You struggle to get up as he calls for you again. "Hurry up Anonnnn, don't want to miss out on breakfast, do you?"

RING RING RING!

Fuck, that noise was annoying. Whatever it was, it drove you to get up and head downstairs.

As you did, you could see Discord with a chef's hat as he stood in the conjoined kitchen by the living room.

"Discord..." You yawn. "...What's going on? Why are you...wait" You lean in, and squint your eyes. "..Are you...actually making something? No magic?"

Discord smirks as he summons up a salt shaker to put in some salt into the pot. Whatever he was making, it didn't seem to have a smell at all. "Well, some magic. It's easier just to summon up the ingredients instead of actually doing the legwork on finding them." He then looks to you. "Howya doin, kiddo?"

Kiddo? tch, you can already tell something is up. He usually summons the food itself, not cook it. "Tired...too tired. I have somewhere to be in an hour. Look, Discord. Unless you have coffee, I don't really want to be pranked on right now. I'm serious."

"Prank?" Discord acted as if he didn't know what you were talking about as he mixes the pot. "This is no prank. This.." Discord smiled proudly as he puffed his snakey chest out. "Is my mother's special recipe for Get up n Go Ghaos Gumbo!"

Mother?...Ghaos? "Ok, look. One, you know it's called chaos. And two....you have a mom?"

Discord takes what looks like a rat from under his chef's hat and dumps it into the pot and continues to mix, focusing on his work as he speaks to you nonchalantly. "Ahh. I can pull the ole numbers game too. One, Chaos doesn't start with a G. And two......Well...I have no idea, but I do know this is an actual recipe for a food that you are absolutely in need of. Something to keep you awake for the rest of the day. Oh yes Anon, this will do the trick quite nicely."

Heh, should have expected those answers. No rhyme or reason with this goofball. But, something to help you? "Couldn't you just use magic for that?"

Discord laughs at that. "Ahh, forgetting already."

"Forgetting what?"

Discord tastes the gumbo again. And nods. "Ahh just right...mm" Discord then looks to you as he shrugs and magics up a table and chair with a snap of his talons. "You're forgetting that your body does have a slight resistance to chaos magic. Kind of poetic isn't it? A resistance that would seem to bring you closer to harmony actually just makes your life that much more chaotic. Zapping you awake would just wear off too quickly, you know."

Oh...right. You knew what he was saying. The time he turned you into Twilight, that was so long ago. You remember him saying your body could only retain a chaotic spell cast on you for only so long. Unless he was there to constantly keep it on you, the spell would eventually pass. "Right...so, you're preparing something for me instead to help me. But why? You usually have some sort of reason other than being a friend"

Discord chuckles as he puts the pot on the table and starts to wave his paw at it to cool it down. "How astute of you to remember. There is an ulterior motive. But Anon, don't get me wrong. I also did make this to help you. Don't forget, I do like you, and I want to see you succeed. I'm not that mean ole changeling queen you know. I have a heart. And the more awake you are, the more you'll be able to do for your friend."

Discord gets a bowl and swirls the visibly black gumbo upwards through a floating stream and into the bowl. "As for that ulterior motive, you'd be right. How could I pass up a chance to show up Twilight? Not me personally of course, but I expect grade A results. A magnificent performance." Discord smirks at you. "Or, in the tongue of a human. "Beat the fuck out of her in her own game". You understand that, don't you?"

...At first, this sounded bad. You didn't want to make Twilight sad again. But would it? This was your task after all, and she wormed her way into it. If anything, this could be the motivation you need to truly be a good friend. Even if it means outdoing Twilight.

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