• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,255 Views, 2,757 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

  • ...
65
 2,757
 10,255

PreviousChapters Next
Chapter 79

"...I can't believe it. I actually got out of that without either of them exploding at me"

Discord immediately appears before you, and looks out the window at the departing filly. "Yes, a real shame. I thought this was going to be a lot more fun"

You get up, brush yourself off, and look inside your saddlebag to make sure you had everything. school supplies,map, horn, money...all good.
"oh come on, this wasn't even about you. This was important Discord, and not something I needed exploding in my face."

"And that's what makes it terrible. I've never actually got to play around with love based chaos before. Would have been nice to have a go at it." Discord shrugs "Ahhhh well, we can make all of this up by cashing in on that favor"

You stop.....what?

You look over to Discord, worried
"What, right now?"

Discord nods with a devious smile "Yes, right now. It's not like you can escape. And besides, it'd be very unfriendly to not pay back your debts. Now then....." Discord held his paw out, and an orb materialized above it "...Since I am now interested in love, I have a very special task for you"

You stare at the ball as it swirls and begins to take a different shape.

"...what do you mean "interested in love" ?"

the orb begins to take the form of the crystal castle. "allow me to be more specific...I'm am now interested in the chaos love can bring. Anyw-"

...love?..crystal castle?...oh no. You interrupt him.
"NOPE! I already can tell where this is going. And I ain't going to do it." You quickly turn around to make your exit, but the moment you try to twist the knob on the door. You hear it lock.

"Ah ah Anon, I think i've been patient enough. I even let you clear up your little issues. Now is the time we see how much trouble we can stir...well..how much you can stir anyway. And do remember not to get caught."

...not get caught?..was he insane? this wasn't Twilight's castle. There were guards there.
"How exactly am I supposed to do that? Why would you even make that kind of risk? Discord, you really are insane if you expect me to just waltz into the ca...s....t........oh shit"

Discord had slowly brought up a mirror to you...you had Twilight face.
".....no no no no no no..."

Then your voice changed to Twilight's
"nonononononononono! Discord are you fucking insane?!"

"Oh come on Anon, you don't even know what I want you to do. And you must be quick. You can only maintain this form for so long..."

You were Twilight! You could feel it, wings, horn, you felt taller
"....What do you want me to do then?! Walk up to Cadence and Shining Armor and ruin their day or something?"

"....oh no no, in fact. I've already given up on love chaos.I actually came up with a much bigger idea."

much bigger idea? God, have mercy and let him end you.
"...and what would that be?"

"Welllllll...." Discord made a huge grin as he rubbed his paw and talons together. "....I've heard there's something very hush hush going on between those two lovebirds. You Anon, are going to find out what that secret is and come tell me. Then maybe we can use that to our own ends. That's my favor"

so...he made you a spy.
"....and that doesn't sound like a bad idea? Why can't you just go and figure out the secret.....nope..never mind...you're just going to say "Where's the fun in that" aren't you?"

Discord gave your purple horn a gentle flick and snickered "Good to see you're smartening up Anon, that's a quality well fitting to our purple princess. how hard could this be anyway? You have four and a half seasons of knowledge to fake being Twilight. It should be eeeeasssyyyy"

You sighed heavily....he wasn't going to let you out of this.
"...So...Go in, figure out the secret, get out...Fine..alright..so then, how long does this form last?"

Discord shrugged "I don't know. Could be days, hours....minutes....who's to say?"

MINUTES?!
"Discord! Come on, you can't just send me out there unless I actually have time to pull this off. Minutes?! That's fuck-"

Discord clasped your mouth shut with his paw and talons "....I do have to ask you to stop cursing. When it's you it's fine, but as Twilight. It's unnerving."

You roll your eyes at him as he let's you go
"...Fine...but Discord, you can't expect this to happen if I could change back at anytime"

"Of course I expect you to do it, That's why I turned you to Twilight. You'll just have to be on point and find out their secret as soon as you can. Then you can use your map to get out. It's simple!"

....he wasn't going to back down from this. And hell, you agreed to this when you said you owed him one. If this was going to be the case. If you couldn’t escape. Then you at least had to ask if it’d be square after this/
"...ok..fine, I'll do it. But we're even after this, alright?"

Discord mirthfully chuckled as he made the portal door appear inside the clubhouse "Of course, we'll be even after all this. Though I am surprised you aren't interested on what the secret could be. Aren't you the least bit curious?"

You shake your head, as a realization begins to pop in your mind.
"Not really, it's probably something crystal heart related or something. probably a season ender power up.....though, I am interested in something...uhhh"

You try reaching for your ass
"....does..uhh....does everything work down there?"

Discord found no amusement in that, he looked at you like the pervert you are, with disdain. "No...."

...well damn...you thought you could make something out of this. You grumble to yourself.
"...ok...Let me just get into character then..."

Discord just watched you, wondering how good an act you could pull
"..ok...Anon..you're Twilight. you're smart, nerdy, adorkable, neurotic, and you overreact to anything remotely ridiculous. You also REALLLLY love friendship...ok?...ok.. Show me what you got!"

You look to Discord and give him a smile
"Discord, I expect you to behave yourself while I'm away. Be friendly towards everypony and don't cause any trouble. You got it?.....how's that?"

Discord held up a signboard that said "6"
"Twilight wouldn't smile at me when she's telling me to "be good". And she'd certainly be much more annoying, telling me in excruciatingly painful details on how I should act. You could fool them, perhaps. But if you ever tried to fool me I'd have you figured out in seconds. You better do better than that Anon, or you'll be found out long before you change back"

hhhmmmmm....whatever. You got this.
"..fine...I'll be able to work it out when I actually get there. And while I'm gone, you better not do any shenanigans around or towards Applebloom or Diamond Tiara. I worked hard on this,and I don't need you doing something to totally ruin that. Got it?"

Discord gently claps "Much better, that's a lot more convincing"

......
"...I was being serious"

"And so was I. Now try to keep that level of acting when you meet your dear sister-in-law and brother. Because if you fail, then I'll have to find something else for you to do"

....you weren't fully confident you could pull this off. You had so little to go off of. In fact..
"...what happens if I need to abort?"

"You do have that map for a reason. You simply leave."

"...You do realize they are going to look into all this if they find out"

"Indeed they are.......and tell me Anon. What other creature in Equestria are known for taking the shape of others? hmmmm?"


.......oh right....
"...right. Yeah..I forget that sometimes I am in a land of magic and wonder. Can I ask one more question before I go?"

Discord nods "Go right ahead, I wouldn't be a good father if I didn't answer any questions you might have"

...right...
You sigh from that comment, and brush it off. You felt like he was just abusing you now to make you do all this, to go this far.
"Why are you doing this? A friend wouldn't do this to another friend"

"...oh don't even try that Anon. Yes, we're friends. But that's exactly it. I'M your friend. There's really no ulterior motive to any of this. Nor am I doing this to be mean. My reasons are simple. I want to know their secret and you owe me a favor. It's not any more complicated than that. It's really nothing personal"

Well....at least he was being honest. If that's all it was then you really couldn't be upset. You knew who he was. And everything he did, done, and expected was never normal. And again...you did owe him. Ahh, who were you kidding? He’s an ass.

"..ok..I'm going then. Oh, if I can, I'll see if I can bring back a souvenir for Fluttershy. I owe her too, she's already made breakfast for me twice and has been the best aunt I ever had." You could at least do that. The Empire seemed to have some cool shit. And thinking about it, you could get her something nice just so you could bask in her appreciative glow.

"That's a great idea! I've actually come to like Fluttershy's involvement and enjoyment of being your aunt very much. In fact..."
Discord snaps his talons, you could feel your saddlebag get slightly heavier. "Here's some extra bits in case you plan to bring back anything expensive"

"Thanks...wait"
You take notice of your saddlebag.
"...Think you could make this like...invisible to everyone but me? If anybody looked inside, it might look pretty suspicious."

Discord again, without any word, snaps his talons. The bag flashes for a quick moment. "Done"

...you could still see it. But..that was the point after all. You trusted him. He wouldn't screw you over. You didn't even have to double think that. You we're getting more used to him with each interaction and you knew he wouldn’t try anything if you were going to bring happiness to Fluttershy.

You take a deep breath,close your eyes, bring your right front hoof close, then point to the portal door and open your eyes
"Let's make some magic!"

"Good luck Anon, and I do mean that" Discord says with a wave



time to fulfill that favor. Then you would have to make sure never to owe another favor to Discord unless you REAAAALLLLYYYY needed him for something. Meaning you'd have to train with that horn more and more.

You step through the portal door, and find yourself near the crystal heart. You felt a little anxious. You really hoped whatever this secret was, that it was a big one. Hell, you started to get a little curious now that you were actually here and ready to find out what it is.


"..Ok...Twilight. You're Twilight. You got to think like Twilight. Be as smart as Twilight. And..."

You feel a pain on your back
"ergh..what's the heck?"

You look back, and your wings were all retarded. One was fanned out and crooked while the other was pointed straight up.

"Ahh geez!..u-ummm"

You try moving them to the right place. It takes you a bit. But you manage...no way you were going to be able to fly.
"....ok.....let's just keep em that way. I wonder..."

You try using your horn...it glows..but when you try using it like your "Super" horn. All it does is fizzle and spark.
"...no magic either huh...? Ok fine...that's why we improvise."

...ok...time to act like purplesmart
"Ok...ok...ahrm"

You make your way to the castle. Putting a smile on your face. You notice a pair of crystal ponies
"Hello Everypony! how are you both doing this fine afternoon?"

They started talking amongst themselves then smiled towards you.
one was male, and the other female. but both were equally excited.

the male spoke up first "Princess Twilight..u-umm" He bowed before you "It's an honor to meet you"

The female mare bowed aswell "It really is, what brings you to our fair city?"

Too easy...
"Just visiting! It really is a nice place to just stop by and reflect on things. And everypony here is so friendly. It's one of the best places in Equestria for sure"

They both were very pleased with that comment.

"Thank you! That's really nice to hear you say!" The male said, his heart filling with pride

"Would you mind if we had your autograph? We're a bit of the collecting type you see, and while we don't have our great savior's autograph yet. We would love one from you, his best friend and the princess of friendship." The mare was keeping a notebook...in her mane....that's odd. She holds it to you with her teeth, the pencil in the rings of the notebook.

..alright..this should be easy.

You take the notebook with your hoof, and then try to pull out the pencil...but..you couldn't get a grip.

"Is something the matter?" the stallion asked, a little worried that you were having trouble.

"N-no..just..it's been a long flight. I'm just a little tired."

...this is where you had to thank Diamond Tiara, you only assumed it worked the same way as the paintbrush. You carefully pull out the pencil with your teeth. And write down your autograph.....poorly..and slip the pencil back in.

"There we are! Here you go!"

you hand them back the autograph as they both look at it with excitement...which quickly turns to confusion.

They whisper to eachother. You catch that your handwriting is apparently really terrible. But the mare berates the stallion a little for saying such a thing about a princess's handwriting.

They both however, thank you for your time. And walk off.......smooth. Looks like you couldn't write either. Well, that should have been obvious. You can't stick around to do anything more than find out what the secret is, and then leave. Anything extra could blow your cover.

....you walk up to the front doors of the castle. There were a pair of guards. They shifted their eyes to you for a moment. Saluted, and then resumed their straight eyed stare.

"Carry on..." You say with a grin
So far so good, you enter the castle. Being wary of your surroundings

"ok..so if I see Shining first. Greet him and hug him. If it's Cadence. Sunshine Sunshine......good thing I've watched enough remixes of that. Got it all memorized."

You start looking for them. keeping in mind to keep things simple. You probably only needed to ask them what was so secret and they'd tell you. You were Twilight after all.

You start mindlessly exploring the halls of the castle. man, the sun's rays really illuminated the place in a spectacular way. Looked really nice.

"Twilight?"
....that voice. Cadence...

It's go time...


She was behind you, you turned to her, and boy, did she looked confused.
"T-twilight? u-uhh? What are you doing here? I-I mean. I didn't expect you."

...here we go.
"Cadence! Come on...don't be like that! Aren't you glad to see me? Oh..Oh I know!"

You trot up to her, and then start doing the motions.
"Sunshine Sunshine Ladybugs....awake?"

...she wasn't doing it with you....that's odd.
She put a hoof to her belly for a moment. and then gave a nervous chuckle "Oh Twilight..ahm..I'm sorry. I'm uhhhh........I've got a little belly ache. You know how it is sometimes, being a princess, you just get them sometimes from all that ruling..."

.....what? Belly ache? What did she live up to her joke name and eat a shitload of candy? Whatever, it's fine. roll with it.

"Oh right."
You fake a chuckle
"Yeah, being a princess sure can be...ummm..achy. So...aside from that. How are you?"

"Oh I'm fine. But Twilight. What are you doing here?" Cadence...was acting kind of funny......Chrysalis?...nah...Chrysalis couldn't keep up a nice demeanor to save her life..maybe..going off her single appearance and your only meeting.

"Well...you know. Just came to see favorite relatives! See if maybe I could help with anything...maybe something that's a secret and only we princesses should know..."

Cadence shifts her eyes, then collects her confidence. She looked like she was trying to keep something from you...er...Twilight. "Well, I appreciate you wanting to help. But me and Shining Armor are actually doing just fine. If you’re wondering where he is, well, he went out....doing certain things. And I was just resting here in the castle...and .."

...And?
"annnnd?"

Cadence giggled "..and..I was actually going to sneak off with a piece of pie from the royal kitchen. You can keep that a secret right?"

..a secret?..nah..that wasn't it..but yeah. Not like you planned to tell anyone anyway about her sneaking off with some pie.
"Of course...but uhh...are you sure there's no OTHER secrets that I should know about?"

Cadence shook her head quickly, nervously "Nope! not a thing. Twilight. umm...you want to come with me to sneak a snack?"

.......maybe...no..yeah...you could...a royal pie must taste fucking amazing.
"ok!"

Cadence found that a little...off "ok? You don't mind going behind your brother's back like that?"

....what? But she...

"..well...you're doing it too right? and you just did ask me."

Cadence cleared her throat...she was definitely nervous about something. "Right I did..I guess I ex..no..I umm...let's go get that pie"

And so Cadence led the way to the royal kitchen...to get some pie.
Awkward

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!