• Published 21st Oct 2017
  • 10,517 Views, 2,803 Comments

Dadonequus Discord (Book 1) - CrazedLaughter



Discord makes a deal with an anonymous human. The human gets to live a good life in Equestria. And Discord? he gets to have a son of his own. Of course, his only reason is to impress Fluttershy and annoy Twilight.

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Chapter 90

"I don't know about that Anon. I don't think any stallions would like to be with a mare like me. But it's ok though. I have all my animal friends to keep me company."


Come onnn fluttershhhyy. Cooommeee ooonnn.


"Have you ever thought about it though? Haven't you met any stallion that caught your eye?"


Fluttershy shook her head "No, I admit that I find a few attractive. But. Well, you know"


"What about Dad? He seems really close to you. And he's a guy."


Fluttershy giggled "Anon, are you trying to set me up with your father?"


Errrr.yeah fuck it. Everyone in this situation always says no. So, let's try a yes. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing"


This catches Fluttershy off guard. You were so upfront about it. "Well, erm. Anon. You have to understand that although your father is a nice spirit of chaos. Him and me are really good friends. And I don't think either of us want to take it beyond that. I mean… well… ummm, Anon, yo-" Fluttershy stops. She wanted to ask if you were trying to ask her herself to be your mother. But she couldn't. She simply couldn't even mention it. She didn't want to reinforce the idea in your head if that your intention. She stops.


What was she going to say? You wonder. "Aunt Fluttershy?"


Fluttershy thinks of something immediately to try to veer off the subject. "Oh umm… I was just wondering if you'd like some… erm… candy?"


Candy? "Sure… mnnn" Yeah you got it. It was obvious now. She wasn't comfortable with the question. Or maybe she just didn't want to make you feel disappointed. You got the hint, you'd drop it.


Fluttershy got up quickly to fetch some chewy candy squares she had been keeping. She brings back one for you. You take it, thank her, and put it in your mouth. It was pretty ok. Fluttershy then went in for the finisher on changing the subject. "So Anon, how has school been?"


School huh? "It's been ok. We haven't really done much. I came in on the middle of this whole project thing. I'm in a group where we were making and painting models of the four princesses. I… sorta got caught off guard on how hard painting was… Oh, and Twilight visited our class and did this whole presentation on friendship."


"Oh? That must have been a lovely learning experience for you." Fluttershy was actually happy for you to be learning about friendship from her friend Twilight. Fluttershy felt Twilight was one of the biggest experts on the subject. "I bet you learned all kinds of things about Friendship from Twilight, would you like to tell me what you learned Anon?"


Awww, she wanted you to tell her what you learned. Agh… actually. Normally, you'd have found that terribly annoying. But the look on her face… darnit. "Well, Twilight went into a ton of detail about it. But I think I got the gist of it. You should be nice and care about your friends, share experiences and love with each other, always be there when they need a helping hoof. Things like that."


Fluttershy nodded happily, she was so glad that you had understood. She didn't know what Twilight said of course. But from the sound of it. It was exactly what she would expect. "Good job Anon! I know Twilight can be hard to understand sometimes when she gets really technical. But then, I figured you'd be smart enough to understand what she would have to say! I think that deserves a hug for being a good and smart little colt!"


A hug.....Fuck yeah! But before you could even prepare yourself, Fluttershy stopped "Wait… wait. I'm sorry, I didn't stop to think if you'd actually want one or not. I know you probably don't like getting too many hugs. I know how colts can be."


No fuck that, you already had this chat long ago. Time to solidify how much you wanted that hug. You outstretch your front hooves "I always want a hug from my Aunt Fluttershy, no matter what! That's like, one of the best things I could ever look forward to!"


Fluttershy felt a warmth in her heart from that. She liked hugging. It not only let whatever she was hugging know that she cared and everything would be ok. But it always felt so right to her. And knowing that you seemed to really like it so much. Well, she was the affectionate and nurturing type after all.


Fluttershy leaned back so she could stretch her front hooves to give you a hug. Flutterhugs were the best hugs. They made you feel soft,warm, and loved. You go in for the hug, but, before you could make contact.

"Angel! ohhh..Angel!"


Angel had zoomed in out of nowhere, and stolen her hug from you. He made a terribly lonesome face at her, and "spoke" to her.


"Oh Angel, I..I didn't know you were feeling unloved and left out. Of course you can have another hug."


That little mutant rat! Nggrrr. Fluttershy gave Angel a happy little hug, set him down. and started petting his head gently. "Is this better Angel?"


He nodded, turning his head back to stick his tongue out at you. You wanted to stomp on him. But, Fluttershy would disapprove of that. Angel was however, trying to get the attention focused on himself. He realized that you'd manage to talk Fluttershy out of being upset with you. So he was trying another tactic.


You did your best to smile, and spoke to Angel. "Hey little guy, ummm. Can you come back later? Me and Aunt Fluttershy were talking."


Immediately Angel started to sob and cry.

"W-what did I do?!"


"O-oh, no no. Angel. No no no. shhhhh" Fluttershy held him close and gently rubbed his little back. "Anon doesn't want you to go away forever. He just meant that me and him were having some talk time."


Angel chattered and sobbed.

"Well of course you can sit in, and yes. You can rest your head on my belly if you want to. Let me just..." Fluttershy laid on her side, Angel then started to make his back comfortable on her tummy by rubbing along it, he did it slow. Staring right at you with a glint in his eye as he made himself comfortable before resting his head and back and sitting down.


"Isn't he adorable Anon? And look how happy he is now. You just wanted to be a part of the family, don't you Angel?" Fluttershy gave him a gentle tap on his head with her nose. He nodded.


You held back from wanting to strangle him, put on a false smile, and slowly, almost angrily, but keeping it pleasant as possible, spoke. "He is pretty adorable, he's so adorable that I could just hug him to death"


Fluttershy took that as a compliment. Not understanding that you meant it. With your hug taken away, you were now frustrated. You moved on with the conversation to get your mind off Angel being a little asshole. This time, you'd just keep the conversation away from maternal or relationship type of things. But, you did want to ask a question of interest. "Aunt Fluttershy, have you ever had to fight anypony? You know, hoof to hoof?"


Fluttershy didn't want to answer that question "Anon, ummm, don't you have a more pleasant question to ask?"


You shake your head, no. You wanted to hear from her mouth about battles she's had to fight through. Well, there was only one actual time you could remember her entering hoof to hoof combat… sorta. "I'm really interested. You said I shouldn't enter a fight unless I reaaaallllyyy have to. So was wondering if you ever really had to fight. Please please pleeeassee! Can you tell me?"


Fluttershy thought about it, she didn't want to give you any ideas. She felt the times she had to do anything violent were truly horrible times. "Anon… are you sure you don't want to hear about something else?"


You could see, she was uncomfortable about it. Ugh, you bend like a paper plate. And back off from the question. Having a conversation with Fluttershy was a little tougher than you bargained for. "Ok, then. Let me ask another question"


You thought of something more pleasant. Something she'd like. "What's your favorite animal?"


Fluttershy lit up, beaming a joyous smile "Oh, now that's a much nicer question! And it's easy to answer!"


You wondered what it could be. Here's hoping she didn't say rabbit.

"my favorite animal is… all of them"

......Of course. Why did you expect a singular answer.

"I love all my little animal friends, from the smallest spider to the cutest bunny rabbit." Fluttershy giggled as she hugged Angel. Grrr… you were supposed to be getting hugs.


"My turn! ok..Anon, I hope you don't mind. But I have a question that might seem like something, well. A little too extreme. You don't mind if I ask, do you?"


That seemed a little unfair. Considering she dodged your earlier question. But what the hell, shoot. An extreme question coming from Fluttershy? What the hell could it be? It got you curious. "Ok, shoot"


Fluttershy hesitated, she almost thought it was too extreme for a colt. But finally. She let it out. Just her hesitating had you at the edge of your seat. "Well… ummm, What's your least favorite thing about Ponyville so far? I know it might be kind of hard mentioning it. But maybe if there’s something I could do, I can make it better for you."


...Well that wasn't extreme at all. But… aww, come on Fluttershy. Stop being so nice. Your heart was having trouble taking these many niceness hits. But the question itself. Least favorite?


Probably Angel. But you couldn't say that. Snips and Snails? Nah, they were negligible. Twilight's castle? Yeah you know what. fuck it, that thing doesn't fit and is an eyesore. "Twilight's Castle."


Fluttershy gasped. She liked the castle, she didn't see anything wrong with it at all. And hearing her gasp, you felt a little bad answering the question. But dammit, you thought with that you could have a bit of a neutral discussion about it. Sure the topic was beat to death back on the boards. But here you could have an actual conversation about the actual goddamn castle that was a just a way aways… you just couldn't have that conversation with Fluttershy.


"I-I don't understand. I think it's a really nice castle. It's very pretty and it fills ponies with hope and pride. It's a practical monument to friendship itself." Fluttershy just couldn't understand it

You cringe. Yeah, you should have expected her to say that. In fact, you began to realize that you really should be picking your questions more carefully. Fluttershy was a sensitive soul who really believed you to be a sweet loving child. And every time she was taken aback by your actions or questions. You felt bad deep in your heart. You try to recover from this, and decide from this moment not to mention anything negative around her.


"I-I know. It's not really the castle itself. I mean it's my least favorite because erm… uhhh, the location itself. The castle is fine, I just think it should be in a place with ummm… more trees?"


Fluttershy sighed in relief. "Oh, I thought you actually meant the castle itself." Fluttershy gave you a gentle smile as she tilted her head "And I could easily fix that. I would just have to ask Twilight if she wouldn't mind me planting a few trees around."


Really? She'd actually feng shui the area around a castle that wasn't hers? "You'd really do that for me?"


Fluttershy nodded "mhmm! I'd have to ask Twilight. But if she said yes, then I'd love to try to make the castle more pleasant. Planting trees actually sounds like a great idea Anon, since the castle itself looks like a tree. ohhh, now that I think about it. I can really see where you were going with this. I sure hope Twilight agrees to the idea, not only would the trees look nice around the castle. But it'd give some new homes for some cute little birdies, some squirrels. Maybe even a spider or two! Doesn't that sound wonderful?"


Maybe? You couldn't really picture anything making that castle look better. But, just to fuel that cute optimism. You say yes. "Mhmmm, I'd bet it'd look really pretty after that."


Ok, it was your turn to ask a question again. You wanted to ask her a question you honestly wanted an answer to. You just wanted to make sure it wasn't one she'd not like. "My turn… ok." You went through your thoughts piece by piece. You wanted to ask her what she thought of Twilight becoming an Alicorn. But you knew, oh… you knew. It'd probably just be her saying that she was happy for her. So you wanted to do some note comparing. "Aunt Fluttershy, what would you do if you were an Alicorn princess?"


Fluttershy didn't know how to answer that, Though she seemed willing. "Alicorn Princess? Ummmm… what do you mean exactly?"


"Well, I mean. What would your policies be? What would you do? How would you solve problems?"


Fluttershy deeply thought into this one. "Well… I guess I'd first have to learn some magic. Since I'd have a horn. I'm sure Twilight would be willing to teach me. I don't think I'd need a castle really. Or… oh..oh!" Fluttershy got excited for this "I would need a castle, a big one! So any animal friends or ponies who needed shelter could come inside and rest and eat a good meal! And and… umm… as Princess, I would make laws asking everypony to be nice and kind to one another always. And to always be nice and gentle with all the animals. And for everypony to just get along" Fluttershy continued to think of as many things as possible. She was already liking the concept of ruling as a princess.


"And I'd want to go around personally, to every town and city. And hold big meetings so I could explain the values of being friendly and kind. And I wouldn't need many bits. Any I would get would instantly go to any charities or animal shelters! And… erm.." She started to think of the bad guys, and villains of Equestria, she's usually so scared or timid about such things, but as a princess, maybe she could be braver, brave enough to stand up and try to show them the light. "If anypony bad tried to do anything they shouldn't do. I would do my very best to show them the right path. Does that answer your question Anon?"


It did, it was pretty ideal. You didn't think you should even question if it was possible. This world was different from your old one. And, it was just sweet. The whole castle thing was cute and adorable. But you felt worried for her if this ever did happen and she had to face down a villain. They'd probably tear her apart. Still, that was very sweet, and aside from thinking the villains would tear her limb from limb, everything else sounded damned good. You smile, and clap your hooves. "I don't think there'd ever be a princess better than you Aunt Fluttershy."


Fluttershy liked the praise, though at the same time felt she didn't deserve it "Oh Anon, you don't really mean that. We already have perfectly good princesses as is"


"I do mean it! I don't know any other pony who has a castle specifically just to shelter others. That's really kind of you to want to do that."


"W-well, it's true though. Why have such a big castle unless you were going to use it completely? I feel it'd just be good to have one to help everypony else." Then, Fluttershy giggled at a thought "Ok, My turn. And I think I've got the perfect question"


The perfect question? "Go for it, I'm ready"


"Well, I know we've never had one before. But you never know if it'd ever actually happen or not. So, my question Anon. Is. What would you do as an Alicorn Prince? I bet it's super adorable! Right?" After getting excited for her own answer, she was ecstatic to hear what yours would be.


Oh shit. Uhhhhhh. An Alicorn Prince? You only ever wanted Celestia and Luna to be Alicorns to be truth of it. You were just curious because even Twilight became one. So this kind of thought never occurred to you.


But it is a leadership position. What would you do as a leader? Hmmm..."Well, I'd like a decent castle with plenty of guards and an army. Ponies, I'd like to think, look to their rulers for guidance and leadership. And I'd want to have armed and capable forces to protect my people from harm. As an Alicorn Prince, and hear me out on this, I'd want to train to be a master of combat. Not to fight, but to be able to defend those closest to me from any harm. And I'd like to make policies that were fair and just for everypony under my rule. And I'd like to hope I could keep the economy stable. An economic depression, I'd think, would cause panic. And I don't want that. And finally… ehhmm, maybe a cute mare at my side to rule beside me."


Fluttershy giggled at the last one "Oh Anon, just wait till you're older for that last one."


Fluttershy's giggly smile turned into a gentle loving one as she thought about the rest of what you said. "Anon… I think you'd make a brave and wonderful Alicorn. And not to mention very bright. I wonder." Fluttershy got an idea that made her laugh just to think about "Maybe you could run for mayor. It's not as big as being a prince. But you'd be able to make laws that would make pony lives better."


Oh right, Mayor Mare was still mayor despite a castle being there. But as you thought about it, you remember, whether this was right or wrong. That rulers did have duchies and towns or some shit. Which had counts and dukes and mayors under them. So, having a mayor made sense if you were right. "Well, if I became mayor I'd have to go through all the old laws and policies and see if I could just optimize them a little. Everypony in Ponyville seems pretty content with how things are run as is. I don't think I could make it any better by adding any laws."


"I didn't even think about optimizing anything. I just thought you'd want to make new laws." Fluttershy was in wonderment over the whole thing "Maybe you really should run for mayor… well, umm, when you're older anyway."


"Yeah, maybe" Both you and Fluttershy started to notice it was getting pretty late. She began to wonder if you needed to go home.


"Anon, it's getting dark. Is there anything you need to do? Do you need to go home?"

Yeah, you probably maybe did. You can't imagine that meeting at the castle having took all fucking day. Discord probably was waiting for you with all the juicy details.


"I think dad might be waiting for me"


"Oh..." Fluttershy looked down and saw that Angel had fallen asleep.She carefully shifted to the side so his head would slowly lower to the couch. She slowly got up as you did, and moved up close to you to give you a nuzzle "I'll miss you then, I've had a really nice evening with you Anon. Next time, we all should go out and do something together. I think it'd be a lot of fun. Just me, you, and your father. How does that sound?"


You'd love that, all three of you together doing casual things? You imagined it would be very fun and uplifting as long as Discord didn't do any bad shit. "I'd really really like that"


"Good! how about tomorrow afternoon?" Fluttershy asked


"Isn't there school tomorrow?"

Fluttershy shook her head "I don't think so, there’s always two days off from school. I think this would be the first."


"Then I'd love it! What would we do?"


"Yay! well, it could be a family picnic! And erm… ohh… well, I do need to ask your father too. Though, I'm sure Discord wouldn't mind. But you never know, just in case"

He better damn well agree. It sounded like it could be really good fun.

"Well, you have a very very good night Anon, and pleasant dreams. I'll see you tomorrow! I'm sure your father will agree! so don't you worry."


You nuzzle under Fluttershy, enjoying her warmth. "You too Aunt Fluttershy. I'll see you tomorrow."

After that tender moment, you packed up and left with a smile on your face. Wooo! Family outing! woo! It was gonna be adorable! You look at the sleeping Angel as well. If only. But no, Fluttershy loved him too much.


Fluttershy followed you out the door, and made mention you could use your map in the small river by the bridge. hrnn, you couldn't actually remember if she knew about the map. No, you don't remember telling her. Discord must have. Or did you? It seemed so insignificant to remember.


As you step out, you also notice the statue set. It was still in perfect condition. Fluttershy must have been taking good care of it. She seemed to have even put a bird bath close to it. Cute.
You go over to the little river by the bridge and toss the map inside. The portal opens pretty wide, but thankfully. The whole river doesn't become one gaping hole. Thank goodness.
You hop inside, and as usual. after bouncing off the bed, you grab the map and put it in your bag.


You head over to your floor door and head down to the living room. "Discord? You around? Woah huh?"

The living room was dimmer than usual. You even noted that the color looked washed out. And over at what could be deemed a new piece of wall was a fireplace with a large rocking chair in front of it. You could see the back of Discord's head as he rocked slowly, back and forth.


"Discord?" You walked over to him, when you walked in front of him. He was "smoking" a bubble pipe that let out triangle bubbles. he didn't look pleased however. And he wasn't responding. "Discord? you ok?"

Discord let out a gruff "Hmph".

"Discord? Uhhh. Something wrong? Did uhh… did everything go ok?"


Well, this was worrying.


Discord's entire chair turned a full 180 degrees away from you. "Go away Anon, I'm upset."


Upset? Him? About what?! "Discord… yo hey, come on. What's up? You can tell… wait." You look around carefully "Is this another trap?"


"It's not a trap Anon, I just don't feel up to my usual business right now. Something terrible has happened."


Terrible?...well, Fluttershy isn't dead. You just saw her. "Look, Discord. It's kind of eerie seeing you… depressed… I think that's the right word for this. Look, if it cheers you up. Fluttershy is going to ask you tomorrow if we could go on a picnic in the afternoon. So you should visit her tomorrow morning to get that all set up. That's good right? a picnic?"


You put your hoof at the side of his his rocking chair and gently shake it. You were really getting worried. The chair turns slowly towards you. Discord's face. It was a wreck… literally. It was cracked and his mouth,snaggletooth,eyes, and nose were out of place.

"That does sound enjoyable. But it can't fix the problem the princesses have created"


The princesses? what? what the hell happened at the castle? "Problem? Discord, come on man. Just tell me. We're partners. You can't leave me out of the loop if it's important. What, did they catch you? ...you didn't do anything stupid did you?"


Discord sighed, spit coming out of his horn and spraying everywhere. You had to cover your face to cover yourself.

"Discord… uhh, mind pulling yourself together? Come on man. This isn't like you."


Discord stayed silent as he grabbed his face with his paw, and squeezed. That did it, it fixed his face. But not his miserable expression. "You're right Anon… we are partners. Which is why I don't want to tell you the horrible news of what's to befall our changeling friends."


What? What did he suddenly sympathize with them or something? "Uhhh, Discord, we kind of wanted a battle to happen. You know, for both the chaos factor and to drive them out for good. Remember?"


Discord heavily sighed. "But that's exactly it Anon, There won't be any kind of battle whatsoever. The Princesses actually got the brilliant but UTTERLY boring idea of using a sealing spell with all their power to send them to Tartarus before they can even react! It's going to be a whole midnight raid and everything! And not one hoof is going to be raised. It actually hurts my poor tender heart to know that all that effort you went through will be all for nothing. No fun or chaotic payoff whatsoever. I could only imagine how upset you must be knowing this. This is why I didn't want to tell you, I didn't want to shatter your poor heart."


That was a little disappointing. But, it also meant that nobody was going to get hurt, but, you needed more details. Also, what did he mean by "Your efforts"?.

"Come on Discord, it's not all bad. At least Equestria will be a safer place right? I'm actually surprised you didn't do anything to help the changelings just for their to BE a battle."


"A good idea Anon, but unfortunately. My father status and my friendships prevent me from committing high treason for the sake of a great laugh. All four princesses are involved in this. And as much… as it" Discord started to groan in pain "H-hurts me to s-s-AGHHH!" Discord's head exploded.


HOLY SHIT!

...wait.


You initially react, but then immediately calm down. This was Discord, that wasn't going to kill him. "Wow… you're really losing your head over this huh?"


Discord giggled as a new head popped out from his bloodless stump. "Good one Anon, I always enjoy an appropriate pun. But alas, this is still a problem. Or it seems to me that you don't really see a problem with all this"


You shrug. "I don't really. Why don't we just think of it as doing Equestria a gigantic favor by getting the princesses off their duff and dealing with a problem that could have escalated into a more major issue at any point."


"Well I don't mind that. But" Discord began to whine "I wanted a big battle for all that effort!"


"Yeah, you mentioned that before. What exactly do you mean by effort?"


"I mean your effort Anon. Whether by accident or on purpose. You caused a series of events that could have led to one of the biggest battles in all of Equestria. And instead the princesses are just going to sneak up on them and cast a spell powerful enough to send their entire hive down under. It's just shameful"


He definitely meant the screw up back at the Crystal Empire. There was no arguing this point. He mentioned before that chaos can even be caused by accidents. And your accident did lead to this. You just didn't think it'd be this easy for them to do. But it sounded they were going for a preemptive strike.


You give Discord a friendly tap on his leg with your hoof "Come on Discord, you still did a service. Even if it didn't turn out as you planned. Think of it this way, that's one less set of villains that could do horrible things to Fluttershy. Now that's gotta make you feel better right?"


"Anon, I already knew that. But that point would have happened if there was also a big chaotic battle as well. Anon, your inability to empathize with the situation is very… disturbing"


Empathize?! He wanted a battle. You couldn't even tell if he cared if any of the good side combatants got hurt or not. "Well how about this then. Would it cheer you up if I told you… well"


No, you didn't feel bad for it. They deserved it. "That I used my horn? for a little chaotic fun? While still serving some justice."


That got his attention. "Chaotic fun? With the horn? Anon, you actually caused chaos using the power I gave you… on purpose? Do go on"

And you do. You explain to him the situation from earlier that day. Up until you turned on the anti gravity on Snips and Snails and made them living tops.

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